By JAYNE MOLONEY
It’s a well-known fact about me that I will laugh at words that sound even remotely rude. I’ll even invent a double meaning to make something sound rude that actually isn’t (it’s all in the delivery).
I have been like this as long as I can remember. I figured that I’d grow out of it, and that when I grew up, I would… well…grow up, but here’s what no one tells you about getting older – you stay exactly the same (with the small exception of your skin, boobs, arse and your hair). Things that you liked as a kid, you still like (Jimmy Barnes, you complete me), and things that you thought were funny, stay funny.
I have to admit that I often find myself repeating a mantra in my head “I’m a grown up” in an attempt to remind myself that I’m mature, and to stop myself laughing at something inappropriate when in the wrong environment, usually a meeting at work, a social function where I don’t know anyone, or a public toilet.
Words that are my Kryptonite….
There used to be a department at the bank that I worked at called “Discharges”! A whole department of people “discharging”?! I could NOT talk about it enough, I’d find any excuse to use it in a sentence. For my own entertainment, I’d even ring the internal extension just to hear someone answer the phone and say “Discharges”. 8 years I worked there, and it never got old. Ever.
Just to clarify – I am aware that this is an actual word, with a proper meaning, but you can talk about erecting signage or erecting buildings until you’re blue in the face, all I hear is “stiffy”.
I’ve spent most of my working life in marketing departments, but the term “market penetration” makes my lips instantly go into spasm in an attempt to find a serious face which disguises the fact that I’m about to erupt into wild laughter. The result of course is just my mouth morphing into a cross between Blue Steele and a cats bum.
4. “Public Toilets”
Fact: if you have been busting to go to the toilet, holding on for perhaps a tad too long, so you run into a public toilet, race into the cubical - and suddenly all that waiting… and pressure, results in you farting into an echo chamber, you will hear a strange muffled sound in the next cubical. It’s me laughing.
Yes, I know it’s a cat. It’s not my fault. It’s in my DNA.
I think people tend to become desensitized to these rude funny words when they get used to saying them, particularly if that vocabulary is part of their everyday work environment.
For example, I worked for an A League soccer club who would regularly talk about who would be collecting the “ball bags” for training…. “Ummm, hello? Before we work out who’s collecting them, perhaps we could briefly touch on how hilarious it is that you’re actually using the words “ball bag” in a sentence and pretending like it’s normal?, no? oh, OK, I’ll grab the ball bags then, shall I?”
It hasn’t always been an easy road, living with this “disorder”. I’ve been humiliated many times after alerting a group of people to a not-so-rude word, then waited for them to burst out laughing along with me, but was instead met with looks of utter disbelief, as they glance around at each other, eye brows raised as if to say “is she serious”? Awkward.
Prevention is better than a cure, so if you are more mature than me, and there’s a good chance that you are, it’s probably best that you avoid using words that a 13 year old woman like myself might find too hard to cope with (HARD – bahaaahaa).
Jayne Moloney is a Promotions & Entertainment Manager, mother of 2 small boys and a Journalism student who spends her spare time people watching and laughing at herself. You can read her blog here.
What words make you giggle, even though they probably shouldn’t?
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