Wasn't me!
Bianca Wordley


WARNING: Adult content ahead…

1- When you go to run somewhere in public and remember mid-stride you aren’t wearing a sports bra so are forced to hold onto your boobs. The situation is amplified if any nubile, perky young women are anywhere near you or if there are workmen on the street.

2- When you are getting a bra fitted and the woman reaches around and cups your breasts to place them into the bra. Excuse me, I might need my bra fitted because I have been wearing this piece of grey tassled material over my boobs for years now, but I can grab my own tits. That would only be acceptable if the person with their hands on my mammaries was Matt Damon researching a new role as a David Jones lingerie specialist.

3- When you’re pulling out your tampon and a rush of wee squirts out all over your hand.

4- When you’re getting a pap smear and the speculum hooks onto a pubic hair and you’re already so embarrassed you just grin and bear it.

5- When you are doing a pilates class and the woman next to you does a huge fart and everyone looks at you and you want to point at the culprit and yell: “It was not me, it was her! Back off!”

Wasn’t me!

6- Anything to do with leaking boobs, leaking vaginas and the overall loss of dignity when giving birth either naturally or via c-section. There’s just too many gross things to list here. And yes, the baby is all worth it in the end. That goes without saying. Yet having your husband give you a sponge bath while blood drips down your leg is not fun. No-one finds that liberating.

7- When you need to do a fart during sex, but hold on.

8- And I can’t go there without at least mentioning the taste of sperm. Raw yeast is not yummy. Enough said.

9- When you use the tweezers to try and pull a rogue hair out of your nipple and you accidentally pinch at the skin leaving an unsightly red, bleeding hole. * ahem * That didn’t happen to me, it happened to “a friend”.

10- When you go to swallow your pill without water and it gets stuck in your throat, making you gag. See number 8.

There’s plenty more, but I fear I may have already shared too much. Now it’s over to you to share. Go on… what annoys you most about being a woman, but you’re too afraid to say out loud?

Bianca Wordley is an Adelaide-based writer, journalist, broadcaster and publisher of bigwords blog. She has three children, a not-so-secret love of reality television and believes women can do anything. You can visit her ontwitter and facebook.

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