Kate
By KATE HUNTER.
This morning I saw something on Facebook that changed my day – possibly my week, hopefully my life.
A friend had posted a link to a website called www.lettersofnote.com.
On it was a transcript of a telegram sent by comedian Peter Sellers to fellow Goon Show creator Spike Milligan. (Younger readers might need to Google the Goon Show – a BBC radio program hugely popular in the sixties).
It is one of the saddest, happiest paragraphs I’ve ever read:
PADDINGTON
28 MAY 80
MR SPIKE MILLIGAN
DEAR SPIKE I AM DESPERATE TO HAVE SOME REAL FUN AGAIN WITH YOU AND HARRY. PLEASE CAN WE GET TOGETHER AND WRITE SOME MORE GOON SHOWS? WE COULD PLACE THEM ANYWHERE I DONT WANT ANY MONEY I WILL WORK JUST FOR THE SHEER JOY OF BEING WITH YOU BOTH AGAIN AS WE WERE.
LOVE
PETER
Peter Sellers was unwell when he sent the telegram. Just two months later, he died of a heart attack.
I got a bit teary when I read it – he must have been so sad, so lonely when he sent it. Then, a little while later, I felt envious of him. Of a sick man.
I was envious because Sellers, together with Milligan and Harry Secombe created something that did nothing but make people (themselves included) laugh until they could barely breathe.
The Goons. (Image via BBC)
Sellers’ job was a joy. He worked with people he loved. How many people can say that?
At the end of it all, Sellers wanted not more money or more fame, but a few more laughs with his mates. That spoke volumes to me.
It made me glad that on Friday I’m having lunch with my best friends from school. Embarrassingly, I loved school – my memories are mostly of my friends and I tanning our legs on the walkways and laughing ourselves stupid about the nuns, our hideous uniform and the tuckshop convenor with the unfortunate name of Mrs Kochout.
Those years weren’t one big belly laugh, sure. There were exams and detentions and maths. But the good far outweighs the bad, and I’m lucky I have those memories, because plenty don’t.
For some people, uni was that golden period, where everything was new and fun and they felt they truly belonged.
My mum says her happiest time was when my brothers and sisters and I were little. Her friends all had babies at the same time and agree those years were fantastic. It was the sixties, of course, so they smoked and drank and didn’t worry about sunscreen.
Other people enjoy their jobs so much, they prefer being at work to anywhere else, at least for a while. Colleagues become friends and those friendships survive when the jobs dissolve.
The trick, surely, is to appreciate the fun times are when they happen. But maybe that’s impossible. Perhaps it’s time, illness or loneliness that makes an eye- watering laugh with a friend more appealing, and more evasive than anything else – money, fame, even health.
Sellers doesn’t say he wants to run the New York Marathon or to see Machu Picchu, he just wants some ‘real fun’.
Don’t we all?
When was the happiest time of your life? Are you living it now?
Comments
58 Comments so far
I have really lost my sense of humor starting with a very stressful job last year and now even worse unemployed and job hunting. I’m trying very hard to chill out. This is a good reminder to try and enjoy life more. Sick of being a grumpy Gus, but is so hard to shake off.
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Unfortunately, Spike was probably not doing well either, unless he was having a manic episode.
I have silly fun in bed with my kids, or waking them up with a silly song that involves their names.
But since I started mindfulness training, I’m having a lot more fun all the time, in the mundane moments. Plus, the anxiety has gone down, and I can ‘see the bigger picture’ and the process of life, not just details. All I do is 5-10 minutes a day. I set the alarm on my phone, close my eyes, and count my exhalations, trying to get to 10 without losing count. So simple, yet so hard and so powerful.
Try it for a week. You’ll thank me.
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Yes, Kate, school was wonderful. I remember laughing till I cried with friends on trains on the way home, in the playground, wherever… those were great times.
Sometimes life gets a bit too serious – even when it’s good – and you’ve got me longing for those belly laughs again. Got to ‘find the silly’ and let go!
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This is a good reminder to love the good times while you are “in them”. I have great memories of school, no bills, living at home with Mum and Dad, only stresses in life were exams and boys, but I remember always being in a hurry to be in the next part of my life and to be grown up.
Then I travelled, had the most amazing time, went to beautiful places and met beautiful people. Again, I was in a hurry to be in the next phase of my life (I was soooo envious of people married and settled).
I am now married, with a beautiful son, and am very happy. This is a reminder for me to love in the moment, because one day our beautiful son will be a grown up man and I will be envious of the me, today, with a little tiny baby and being young(ish).
I am always in a hurry for that next step, promotion at work, more babies, better house. It is definitely time for me to appreciate the now.
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Camping back in March was my happy place – but it’s September… time to organise another trip or 2 or 3….. Thanks for the reminder ♥
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Girls weekend away a couple of months ago with the work girls. We vary in ages from early twenties through to fifties. We rented an old house, had great food even better wine and a joint or two. Best weekend EVER!!
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Everyday at work, my colleagues make me laugh all day.
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While I don’t know about laughing all day, I certainly have fun with both my colleagues and clients.
Fun can be had everywhere.
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Pretty sure my happy time is right now- living in London, travelling to a different European destination whenever I get the chance. The knowledge that this is my happy time already makes it bitter sweet though, because I know it is going to suck when it is time to come home and start ‘growing up’. Oh well, I just need to look at it as another adventure!
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This sounds tacky, but my happiness moments are having sex. Not just making love with someone you love with your whole soul (which is obviously beautiful and incredible), but also drunken nights with someone you don’t love (but love f***ing) where you throw each other around the room and f*** on every surface until you realise it’s 8am and you’re supposed to be at work.
Sex is so joyful, so life-affirming, so full of connection with your own spirit and body, and with another person. So sex is my happiest times. Speaking of, I should probably arrange to have more as soon as possible…
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LOL! My happiest time was when my ex left and I realised I never had to do it again! And I haven’t.
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Haha different views!! Well good on you for being where you want to be! x
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And here am I, chortling about the tuckshop convenor’s name
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*Sellers
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Bugger. Thanks.
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What a lovely theme for a post – thanks Kate. My happiest times are many, fortunately. For many years I was in a very joyful, functional relationship and was so happy that every day I felt like I was walking down the street with bluebirds landing on my shoulders and people breaking into dance around me. When the relationship ended I was devastated, but still had an amazing time entering the new phase of my life – realising how much I loved my friends, family and myself, and dating madly (fortunately grief can make you skinny and hot, so that was a bonus). So that was also a very happy (yet also very sad) time. And now is also a very happy time.
I think it’s really important to make sure you pay attention to the time you’re in, and FIND the joy in it. Even in the most messed up periods of your life there is usually always a lesson to be learned, or a reason the horrible thing is happened. It’s about how you frame each situation in your mind. And yes, this is coming from someone who’s experienced rape, mental illness, severe physical injuries, etc etc – so I’m not just talking about times that should be happy anyway.
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Oh thank you so much for this chinup. My live-in partner of 4 years just broke up with me on Monday – and to stay I’m struggling is an understatement. Like you I thought we were blissfully happy, so I was completely blindsided. Still am.
I hesitated clicking on this post because I thought “do I really want to hear about others’ happiness right now?”. But your post has just helped me so much… I plan to take your advice to the letter and try to find the joy. Thank you.
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Oh Bedizz, I feel for you and my heart goes out to you so much. xx
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Oh bedizz, you poor darling. It’s just a horrible, life shattering thing to happen. The thoughts that helped me were:
– if he doesn’t think I’m the One then he can’t be my One, because my One would adore me and want to be with me
– if the relationship isn’t supposed to be, then I can be grateful that it’s now ended so I’m now closer to being where I’m supposed to be in life
– there is nothing I could or should have done differently. My partner knew me inside and out and if I wasn’t who he wanted or needed to be with, then I can’t change that. That doesn’t mean I should change, or that there is something wrong with me or with him, we are just not right for each other
I also realised that I had been living in a tiny box. Sure it was a box I was very happy in, but I never knew how many wonderful experiences and people were out there in the world that I didn’t know about yet. You now have the freedom to experience all kinds of joy, places, events and people that you would never have experienced if you had stayed with your partner. The whole world has just opened up for you, and you can chose how you want to shape your life now.
You have a beautiful husband (or wife?) out there that you haven’t even met yet, and you’ll meet them when you’re supposed to. In the meantime you can be selfish and focus all your time and energy into yourself and your own life (rather than into supporting someone else, their life, their family and friends). Once the time comes that you feel like a whole person again, you will feel so proud of yourself and so strong and invulnerable, because you’ll know that you can get through anything and come out a better person because of it.
I wish you all the best of luck. Excercise, see your friends and family, get on a dating website, eat well, try new activities. You only have one life, and you could have spent the next 60 years just having the same experience forever. Instead you’ve now been handed a new path, with happiness and excitment that you can’t even imagine yet. Go get it! xxx
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Broome. Just thinking about it makes me smile- the year we spent up there and also our recent 3 week trip. If I close my eyes it’s all still there… the red earth, the turquoise water, the light at 4pm on Cable Beach with a book in my lap, Cam on her boogy board and Dec in the water surfing, his body silhouetted against the wave. Sigh.
That said, if I was up there now I’d be complaining that it was getting too hot with the wet on the way, or missing wearing jeans and my friends back home… deep happiness has to be transient. You can’t live there, but it’s lovely to remember.
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I think it’s the whole 20/20 hindsight thing isn’t it. I look back and believe I was happier at certain times. I’d reckon I was the happiest when I laughed so much I couldn’t stop myself even when it was totally inappropriate to do so. This was more often than not at my after school job. Simpler times.
Thanks Kate. x
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I worked at the Night Owl Convenience store on weekends. Hard to believe, but it was HILARIOUS. I worked with this boy called Brett who would wonder aloud why anyone would need (for example) masking tape, a lightbulb and a capsicum at 11.45pm. Sometimes he would be so curious, he’d ask the customer. Thanks for reminding me of that Bern, I haven’t thought about Brett and the Night Owl in YEARS.
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I’m having it now. As I type this comment !
I hate serious people. In every job that must be done there is an element of fun ! You find the fun and SNAP…the job’s a game !
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Bradley, I think I love you – at least for making that quote anyway
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Love this story and totally agree with Jennywren about being happy most of the time but pure unadulterated FUN being a little more elusive.
My husband and I had an idea which I hope we make happen this summer. We give people plenty of notice to find sitters and we have an actual real-live PARTY, maybe even a costume party. That’s crazy talk, isn’t it?
Last November I did The Stampede, a mud obstacle course / race thing-y. I had so much fun I felt like a 13 year old. Mud, sun, hugs, ridiculousness, a free beer at the end and dance music like I was at a festival or something… but then I had to clean up, leave the beer at one and go get the kids from my mother’s place. Thems the breaks – and even though it was fun-interruped, it was still FAB.
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I think if you asked me at various times of my life I would have said now, now is the fun time.
But if I have to pick a best time, it’s now: retired, doing whatever I like when I like, no real responsibilities, picking and choosing who to lunch with and when, have sex whenever we like, travel or not to travel ( no big deal , no hurry). I have developed a great lot of friends over the years, my kids are now friends who I lunch with/ gossip to/ and share (maybe laugh at ) their childrearing moments.
I loved my job, although I really never liked being home with small children, I loved my children as they grew up; I love how they have turned out and love my grandchildren. Life was always tough with children at home, full time work and making money choices.
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The other day I laughed so hard that I fell over and landed on my bum in front of heaps of people. Totally worth it though, best feeling.
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I’d have to say the happiest time in my life is summer holidays up until I finished uni and had to get a real job. We always would go to Busselton and stay for a few weeks, right on the beach and in the sun. Always the best times.
Another really fun time was the six months I studied abroad in London. Met the most fabulous group of people and everyday was like an adventure, we just felt so grown up doing all this travelling and lets face it, doing very little work.
It’s funny that all the best times in my life involve periods where I wasn’t working! I don’t enjoy having a job at all, working in an office five days a week is just not a highlight of my life. I wonder what that’s telling me …
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Happiest time was when my kids were under 5 and we lived interstate.
Just remember being blissfully happy most of the time.
Other happy time, was in my twenties, staying in a ski lodge and skiing in Whistler, Canada. That was just awesome.
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Best week of my life: Age 23, quitting my very serious post-uni job to drive across the country in a tiny hatchback with my best friend to go to the Blues and Roots music festival, and spending a deliriously happy week at that festival dancing in the mud and laughing until my face hurt. I have travelled enough and been to many a festival but never have the stars aligned so perfectly as they did that week. It was pure magic.
God, I miss those days come to think of it.
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I have been fortunate to do a job I love..work with many great and wonderful people…married to a wonderful woman and have a joyous daughter..what a wonderful telegram that is though
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I’m loving/living the best part of my life now!
These past three months have been a blast – finished my Masters, went overseas for 6.5 weeks, been doing speeches and writing and filming, went to the Layne Beachley Aim for the Stars grant recipient event in Sydney last week which included surfing and a ball, and am judging a film festival tonight! This morning I had a photo shoot for a newspaper. Such fun! Love this post!
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My school tuck shop convenors name was Mrs Boogers… Haven’t thought about that in years but still had a giggle at the memory! Poor Mrs Boogers!!
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42 still awaiting my happy period
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I’m sorry to heat that, Anon. Hope you find your happy time soon
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I think there’s a difference between ‘happy’ and ‘fun’. Am I happy with a young family? Overall, yes – it’s fulfilling, loving and I feel pretty content with my lot.
But am I having real tear-inducing, stitch-causing hilarity for myself? Nope. Haven’t done that in a while, although a cocktail or two always helps.
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Really great point Jennywren. I’d say I’m happy – but the FUN times are fewer these days – responsibility, kids, relationships, money etc. I’m sure The Goons had those troubles too – maybe that’s why those times writing and recording were so special.
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Just what I needed to read today. Thank you. I have been so bogged down in the stress of trying to juggle working and three children with the added financial stresses and lack of time with my husband and friends and have forgotton how to quite simply “have a laugh” – we are away camping this weekend and I fully intend on frolicking with my children, exploring the great outdoors, giggling with my husband while we desperately try to erect our tent and relaxing and having good honest fun with good friends. Thank you.
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This is such a great reminder, Kate. And definitely one that has changed my outlook for today, and hopefully for longer. So often I’m too busy to “have fun” or at least to recognise when it’s happening. Laughing is one of my favourite things – I should do it more often.
Have fun at your lunch on Friday!
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And did you know that Spike Milligan’s grave says “See I told you I was sick”…
My best time of life is right now, although uni was fun too.
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Best headstone ever!
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and he wrote a card to his secretary when she was sad. It said, “My love is like a red, red rose. My underwear is off white”. I love Spike Milligan. How could you not be cheered up by that?
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Have you read his war bios? They are hilarious. Spack…
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I’m like Kate — I loved high school, so I have hilarious, wonderful memories of that.
And when I met my husband Brad … that was just such a happy, joyful time. Until I met him I hadn’t realised how ‘easy’ relationships could be.
Our trip to New York in 2006 (just 10 days before we got married) is right up there as one of my happiest times.
But even earlier this week when we took the kids to the pub for dinner … I sat there thinking “These are the moments I’ll always remember. Us. Together. Cuddling Fin. Laughing at Ava. And swapping our meals half way through …”
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Oh, Bec, you know what I remember? You came down to my house on the Gold Coast just a couple days after you met Brad, I think. And you just looked kind of stunned and said you’d ‘met someone’ and I knew you’d *really* met someone. I’ll never forget that!
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Awww.
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I have a few awesome memories..
1999- Although I had just ended a long term relationship I made the decision to travel abroad and spent 1/1/2 in London. Had the best time during the summer I remember thinking this is what a action packed fun summer should be. I knew at that time I would never have the same experience again. It was just fun, laughter and mischief.
Later in 2000-I returned home and met my now husband. That was also a really wonderful and memorable time. He showed me how to have fun (in a relationship) again and treated me like a total princess.
And in June this year we found out we were pregnant after many years of trying…so i guess this is the most awesome time!
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Congrats, Miss K – I wish you so many more moments of joy with the little one on the way. xx
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This may sound insane but right now is probably the happiest time of my life. Why is it mad? Well it is also probably the most stressful. I have never experienced stress like this, it is so much that it is taking a physical toll on me, affecting my sleep, life is bloody tough.
However I’m in the best relationship ever with a man who makes me so incredibly happy. I can only imagine how amazingly happy I would be if the stress (which is work/family/money related) wasn’t around.
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Thank you for this article Kate.
) And I will get back to that happy time/s in life I have no doubt xoxo
Currently experiencing an emotional tsunami and having a pretty crap time with a somewhat unexpected marriage breakdown. So it isn’t my favourite time right now. And I have to write an essay exploring the meaning in life for uni. One day I will look back and laugh at this I’m sure. But haven’t been able to get the focus or the clarity to write. Until I read that paragraph to Spike Milligan. So simple and it sums it all up really doesn’t it? Will now go and put it all together (the essay and the pieces of life
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Hang in there, Cleo. xxxx
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I think the happiest time in my life was the week I graduated from university last year. That same week I was also offered a fantastic, fulltime graduate job.
I was so thrilled to see five years of bloody hard work pay off
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Today! I found out about an hour ago that there’s a very, very good chance I’m going to be offered my first full time job, starting next year. Add that to the fact that I just got engaged and have had a couple of amazing overseas holidays in the past few months…. I just don’t think life could get much better
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We took the kids to the States last year and Did Disneyland and Universal studios. After years of seeing their food joints on TV, I finally got to try Red Lobster, Fuddruckers, Taco Bell & Popeyes.
What an amazing time, great food and 3 weeks with the kids.
The Rainforest Cafe is possibly the best restaurant for kids on the planet.
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I would go back to the states just for the fast food!! Chick-fil-a is seriously amazing and I am a massive Taco Bell fan oh and moon over my hammy at Denny’s………love it!
Speaking of happy times the trip we took to NYC with my sister and brother inlaw was such a fun time. Both couples had been trying to have kids and we packed up and took a huge holiday after a friends wedding. Best thing we ever did and we had the most fab 3 weeks. Now a few years later and we both have little girls I love to look back on that trip and the good times we had.
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Yeah, Denny’s. Banana pancake hushpuppies
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The happiest time of my life was when my husband and I travelled to Italy and Greece in 2005 for a month. We ate cheese, drank wine, indulged in beautiful sights and met great people. I particularly recall one afternoon in Sorrento on the Amalfi Coast where it was warm, there was a breeze, we were enjoying an antipasto platter with wine and we had a 180degree uninterrupted view of the water and coastline. I remember saying that I could die happy right there and then.
Fast forward 7years and we have three kids under 6 and those views are a lifetime away! I’m happy now of course but that was a time I was deliciously and contentedly happy.
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ooh that was nearly exactly my status, except it was in Cinque Terra (well all of Italy actually). Such a happy time, such good food, such alot of wine. sigh. Now we have two kids and can’t wait to take them there!
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