I’m from Queensland. Which means that for pretty much my entire life I’ve spent Christmas Day in somebody’s swimming pool; I have a friend of a friend of a friend who knows the drummer in Powderfinger; and I’ve been obsessed with South-East Queensland introducing daylight saving for as long as I can remember.
For years I have whined and grumbled and bitched about the fact that Queensland is backwards for not offering it.
When Brad and I decided to (temporarily) move to Adelaide, I was excited. Wine! Haigh’s Chocolates! Daylight Saving! WOO! And then I moved here. And you know what? I frickin’ hate daylight saving*. HATE. IT. I hate Daylight Saving the way Donald Trump hates a windy day. I mean, trying to put a toddler to bed at 7.30pm when it’s still bright outside is a special kind of hell. My toddler Ava and I have this conversation about 34 times every night:
“Mummy is it night-time?”
“Is that the sun?”
“So it’s daytime?”
By the fifth time, Mummy can’t answer because Mummy is under the table with a large bottle of scotch. Rocking. Back and forth. In the foetal position.
So all this got me thinking about things I thought I’d love until I actually, well, you know TRIED THEM. Things like:
1. Mad Men (sorry, I watched one episode and found it depressing. I refuse to tune in until Larry Tate** does a cameo)
2. Jazz Ballet for Adults (I did a class about ten years ago and nearly had my eye poked out from so many women doing jazz hands)
3. Lord of the Rings: the books, the movies, the tupperware (Zzzzzzz)
4. Sea Monkeys as advertised in Archie comics (All I’m going to say is, There are no crowns, people. THERE ARE NO CROWNS. )
5. Sweetbreads (Excuse me? I don’t think PANCREAS should be called “sweetbreads” on a menu. It’s false advertising.)
6. Using a fit ball to sit on while at my desk (I liked the idea of this until I actually tried to sit on an ENORMOUS BALL WHILE AT MY DESK. I’m sorry, what?)
8. Los Angeles.
9. Donnie Darko. (Seriously WTF?)
10. Cheese in a jar (I never really thought I’d like it but I was prepared to give it a whirl. #fail)
11. Pilates (Nobody actually likes pilates. Think about it? Do any of those pilates poeple look happy? No, no they don’t. They’re all grim faced and angry-sweaty)
* Before the pro-daylight saving brigade come after me with pitchforks, I’d like to say that I’m quite happy to put aside my own hatred for it and do what is best for the majority of the population. Just don’t expect me not to whinge.
** Darrin’s advertising boss in Bewitched. How could you not know that?
So what things did you think you’d love until you actually experienced them?