Desperate to be a mother, Shelby Van Vonis became pregnant with multiples as a result of IUI. She was then faced with a heartbreaking choice of whether or not to reduce her pregnancy to a single fetus, in order to protect her own life and ensure safe delivery of the remaining baby.
The difficult of her decision was only compounded by the fact Shelby’s partner was a soldier serving in a war on the other side of the world. And like all partners of front-line soldiers – Shelby could never be completely sure he would return.
Shelby chose to reduce to one baby. This is why.
By SHELBY VAN VONIS
I found in a truly difficult position: facing fertility issues and the possibility I could lose my husband to a war on the other side of the world. These are confusing and frightening prospects for a woman wanting to have a baby with the man she desperately loves.
With that, we decided to put my husband “on ice” and we would try IUI (inter uterine insemination) one time while he was deployed. The remainder of the sperm would be our “insurance policy” should something happen to him, as a means of IVF.
I admit, I went into this process blind. I did some research on the matter but I figured that’s what we were paying the doctor for. He was well aware that we were unwilling to consider a high-order multiples pregnancy, to which he told us “could not happen in your case”.
In March 2008, I began an injectible fertility medication to increase egg production; every 2 days, I had an ultrasound to check the number of follicles I was producing. During one appointment, my doctor condescendingly said to me “are you even taking the medication? You have nothing, this will never work. You are wasting my time.” With that, he increased the dosage of the medication for another 3 days prior to insemination. I think this was the point I was starting to worry I truly was wasting my time and money, his time I could not have cared less about.
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Advice that has served me well: "you shouldn't judge others until you are faced with the same circumstances".
My wife and I today witnessed three tiny little heartbeats for the first time. Our road to this point has been three miscarriages. The last of these MC's was followed by two botched D&C's which left her with scarring and remaining 'product'. It took 9mths and flying her to Sydney for surgery by a specialist before we could try again. We changed fertility Dr's and after some stressful conjecture re: whether she had a T-shaped uterus (which would have severely limited our chances) we found she simply had a very thin uterus lining which needed to be thickened for a pregnancy to be viable. She was prescribed IVF drugs (self injected, daily), estrogen patches, and progesterone pessaries (twice daily). Yet still her lining was at just 4.3mm (6mm is the minimum they like to see). Getting pregnant was considered highly unlikely, but we were given the ok to try as she had three follicles ready to pop. My wife is 37. We were told the chance of triplets during IVF treatment is just 6% (not taking into consideration her thin lining) so we 'rolled the dice', praying one might land for us. After finding out she was pregnant again (cautious elation), last week she started bleeding heavily (déjà vu of the worst kind). I went with her this morning for a scan without high hopes. I came out with tears of complete joy welling up. Three tiny heartbeats can do that.
One of those heartbeats isn't so strong. It might not make it. But even if it strengthens, we might be compelled to opt for selective reduction. My wife is tiny (45kg, despite very healthy eating), and is high risk. Risks for triplets to both mother and babies are very high. Selective reduction could provide our best chance of ever having healthy babies.
Here's the thing... Faced with the prospect of a grim decision, she read this article and the comments. The judgemental nature of many of them left her in tears on a day that should have been one of our happiest and hope-filled. Infuriating.
It's pretty easy to sit at your keyboard and judge, but it isn't easy to go through what we have/are. Like the author, we are good people facing a difficult decision, and we'll have to live with it either way. Please think and attempt to empathise before you cast judgement. Maybe consider that some decisions are not always black and white, and that what you do say can have far-reaching influence.
Thank you for posting this! I know it has been several years but for someone facing this reality right now it is a blessing to read about someone with a similar experience. I was told over and over by my REI to consider surrogacy because my womb was just not conducive to implantation so imagine my complete and utter shock when after my third IUI found out I was carrying quads. A single pregnancy seemed like such a long shot that multiples never even entered my mind. My initial reaction was anger and I immediately felt a disconnect to my pregnancy. I know that selective reduction is the answer for my husband and me and I really hope that once the procedure has been completed I will have a chance to really enjoy my pregnancy. Right now all I feel is dread and heartbreak but hearing stories like yours helps to give me hope. Thank you!