Last September, I discovered I had a secret half-brother.
He is in his early 40s. He is married, with two young boys. He happens to have the same first name as my boyfriend. And he lives in the same city as me.
There. I’ve said it. It feels like I’ve got a weight off my chest, even though I’m remaining anonymous here. Because over the past year, I’ve barely told a soul.
My half-brother is the result of a relationship my father had with a woman before he met and married my mum.
The woman was separated from her husband, and it was a planned pregnancy. Yet one day, without any warning, she just up and left my dad, and went back to her husband.
As a final insult, she named my father’s son after her husband, cut off all contact, told everyone it was her husband’s child, and moved on with her life.
My dad only got to see his son once, when my half-brother was a little boy. And until recently, my half-brother had no idea about my dad.
He was raised believing that his mother’s husband was his biological father. I can’t begin to imagine how it must have felt for him to learn that his parents had deceived him for four decades. He must have felt like his whole life had been a lie. He must now be questioning everything.
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Long over due post, however the pain is fresh. I recently found out that I have a different father and my biological father is actually a church minister I've known all of my life.
He knows that I now know the truth but treats me like a family friend in front of people.
Church members know and advice has been "leave it / learn to accept this is how it is / deal with it or leave it.
In the world outside of church this kind of behaviour/approach would be seen as psychologically, emotionally and spiritually abusive and quite disgusting.
How do you 'move on' from church hurt if it is constant. Why do churches wonder why people leave and refuse to return when they behave in such an unacceptable manner? Is this why some unbelievers see church folk as brain washed? Brain washed into watching people suffer abuse while they stand by and state "I'm praying for you". Mmmmmm lovely!
I believe that Christians who deny their children need to understand that they must honour their God-given titles of 'FATHER' so that they are honouring the Word of God. They must be honouring the Word of God in order to legitimately lead His people to live by the Word.
When I was 17 (I'm now 43) my mum told me about a 1/2 brother her parents forced her to give up for adoption prior to my Dad coming on the scene. I think it was meant to convince me to never have sex. I remember his birthday is November, I think he was 5 years older than me which would mean November 1966 or Nov 1967.
I often wonder what to do with this information, at the moment wanting to protect my mum means waiting till she passes but is it then too late to try to get involved?
Emma, I'm in a similar situation. My father had a child before he met my mother. My dad has never told me, my mum told me. The baby was put up for adoption. I know it was a boy. My father lived in a different country. I would love to try and find him but I can't because of my Dad and I wouldn't even know where to start as I don't even know what year he was born. But he is my brother...