by LUCY CHESTERTON
Picture a windswept mountain top, where actress Asher Keddie is standing only steps away from two beautiful, lumbering bears. A camera crew is quietly recording their first nervous steps toward a new forest enclosure.
Yup, you could say it hasn’t been your typical day in the Mamamia office for me.
The story of how I came to be drinking coffee on a clifftop with Asher Keddie is certainly something (think almost 24 hours in the air and bad airport moussaka), but it’s the story of why we’re here that is the crucial one. We’re here for the bears, and their story is why I am very privileged to be in Romania.
It’s a dramatic setting, but this isn’t a scene from Asher’s addictive Network Ten show, Offspring, where she plays Nina Proudman: it’s a real Romanian mountain in the town of Brasov, and these bears are most definitely living, breathing beauties: Jimy and Jexy, animals rescued from captivity and now about to make the break from their familiar den into a brand-new home. Two of the rescue bears we’ve traveled from all around the world to see.
So, we’re here.
Asher and I, a camera crew and other journos and we’ve all stepped inside the photographs. You know the ones; the pictures that show bears in captivity in Romania, in tiny zoos or backyard cages. Pictures that show bears tightly muzzled, barely breathing, hungry, their coats scarred, their limbs hanging at odd angles. Well, we’re inside those scenes now, and taking our own pictures, so we can bring to Australia the work of WSPA and the Zarnesti [COR] sanctuary in Romania.
Asher, who has always had a deep connection to these creatures, is clearly moved by being here. And the bears adore her: their great heads follow her tiny figure as she moves from place to place along the fenceline. She’s a born bear whisperer.
Me? Well, I’ll be honest; the plight of these animals wasn’t something I’d followed very closely before. Now, having been here, breathed the same air as them, it’s a different story. Before, I thought I understood. Now, I truly do.
This morning, the gate between the quarantine field and the greater enclosure (“a five star palace” in the words of Cristina Lupis [CORR], who created this place) was drawn back, and we all leaned forward excitedly to see the two bears hurry into their new home. Five hours later, we were still waiting. Eight hours later, same deal.
The bears, having lived in quarantine for three months, just weren’t ready to move on. And the beautiful thing? For once in their lives, nobody forced them to move with a shout or a blow to their powerful, delicate heads. We just waited for the bears. We’re still waiting for the crossover, and that’s the most powerful thing about being here: the way we can wait for the bears, and the bears can take all the time they need.
That’s what’s happening in Romania, where I am so grateful to be on assignment for Mamamia.
You can donate to Bricks for Bears here: http://bricksforbears.org.au/. Lucy Chesterton is the entertainment reporter for Mornings on the Nine Network and starts work at a ridiculously early hour. You can find her on Twitter here.
Sadly, the whole office aren’t in Romania, hanging out with television stars and saving the world’s wildlife but here’s what’s been happening here at home:

The MM team captivated by Leigh Sales
What’s been happening in your world? What’s on your mind?






Comments
82 Comments so far
I am job hunting..but have not worked for 3 years as was focusing on uni and also struggled with anxiety etc. I want to do something that is as intellectually stimulating/interesting as possible but I haven’t finished my degree yet so have no qualifications. I have experience in hospitality, retail, admin etc. What is a great casual job ?? Any ideas?
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omm: I think I need to start looking for a new job. My current job is fine, but I can see that things are going to get tough next year, plus I’d like something full time that pays better. A friend of mine had brain surgery this week and made it through safely.
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OMM – well I went to Austin, Texas for the weekend and ended up staying an extra couple of days because of Sandy, thankfully back in Philly and all is good here
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omm: been a week since I miscarried, kinda feels like I just imagined I was pregnant now.just fighting the familiar feelings of desperation. Felt tearful when a beautiful friend posted a pic of herself on facebook looking gorgeous with a new baby bump.
I’m soo Impatient to try again but also scared, up till now I’ve been so tunnel vision focused on actually falling pregnant as the big hurdle, naively had never considered having problems with staying pregnant
have been a terrible employee this week at work, so unfocused. Doesn’t go unnoticed in a high pressure environment. I always thought it is so wise not to announce a pregnancy till week 12 and I guess it is, we had only told family and a couple of very close friends, but I’m actually finding it hard with nobody knowing, harder than I thought.
in happier news, we put an offer on a block of land in the hunter valley ( one of our favourite places ever, we got married there) and it got accepted, yay!! Its so beautiful there, can see vineyards on one side and hills on the other. Will love to live there one day.
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Feeling for you today, anna s. I hope there is someone at work you feel close enough to talk to about it. Its s lot to deal with without anyone knowing. Sending hope for the future xo
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I went to my friends funeral this week. She was 93 years old.
What I want to tell you about her is that her husband left for war the day after they were married. While he was gone she worked 3 jobs and managed to buy a house for him to come home to. He did come home and they had 30 years together before he died. She raised their children and supported the family as his war injuries prevented him working. She played sport, worked for charity and had a kind word for all.
She was my feminist inspiration and hero.
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Suki, these are the women who inspire me. I think we have much to learn from the past.
May she RIP
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OMM: Just being SO busy. I have something on EVERY weekend this month and its not even December yet.I would love a weekend of not doing anything!
And with my partner right in the thick of cricket season now, I feel like we dont have any quality time together any more.
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Lots of things on my mind right now!
- As of next week i’ll be working 2 retail jobs at once, weekends will be non-existant and I won’t really have any days off. I haven’t had a full day off in 2 weeks anyway now as it is! (ATM i’m working half days at my job but pretty much every day)
- Been 2 weeks since me and the bf broke up. It’s weird, but I’m actually doing pretty well, I guess cos i’m so busy I don’t have time to dwell on it.
I saw him a week after the break up when we played indoor hockey together on the same team, and it was fine, no awkwardness/me getting upset etc, it felt perfectly normal.
- Halloween tonight! I bought a skeleton and hung it on our gate and put those fake cobwebs in the garden, hopefully we will get some trick or treaters!
Lastly- I’m so tempted to go to my ballet class tonight dressed in a “Black Swan” outfit
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Things not to say when your work crush calls you and says “hi, it’s me”:
- HellooOOOO me!
- Hi honey
- You are the hottest guy in this entire company, but I think you know that don’t you?
- I want to have your babies
- Let’s go to your place. Right. Now.
- I am desperate to pash you and suck on your luscious lips until they’re numb.
- So, uh, what do you look like naked?
- Are you really as shy as I think you are?
- I oftentimes think about you right before I go to sleep and wonder if you’re thinking about me.
- Who do you suspect knows about my crush on you? Besides you that is. Your boss?
- I don’t plan to attend this year’s Christmas party, so you’d better gee up!
- Why oh why are you so smouldering like Dr Patrick Reid?
Yes. He said that: “hi, it’s me” Which feels (in my imagination) like we’re a ‘we’ – except we’re not. Not yet anyway. Oh the torture!
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How odd of him to say that.
Was is a work related call?
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At work I always just say “hi, it’s me” when calling someone internally. Heh.
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OMM is my boyfriend’s brother broke up with his girlfriend last week. She’s being very petty as they were meant to have a Halloween party this Friday which has been cancelled except she decided to write on the event page on facebook “as you all know x broke up with me on Friday so now the party is off. Sorry for the late notice but he obviously doesn’t respect you all enough to let you enjoy yourselves or me enough to give it another go.”
Um WTF?! I’m so angry at that because alot of the people on that list are his friends and his family. Like his mum, and brothers.
I get she’s hurt but she’s the one who did the wrong thing so I feel it’s unfair for her to try to make him out to be the bad guy especially in front of his family and friends.
This just cements all those bad vibes I’ve had about her for the last 10 years!
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OMM: Gratuation, pregnancy, job… in random order. I am definitely graduating in February next year and we are trying to get pregnant atm, but I am unsure whether to also submit a couple of CVs to difference companies – just in case.
To add to it I will “upgrade” from part-time expat wife to full-time expat wifey once I graduate – so not sure if I should just focus on getting pregnant and enjoying some time off for once (after 23 years in school) or if I should continue nursing my beloved career while my man has his chance as well.
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In the thick of month #2 of trying to have a baby. In the two week wait period again. It’s amazine how neurotic one can become, so quickly too…every little twinge, bit of nausea, and tired feeling ‘means’ something now.
I thought I’d be much more relaxed this time around, I am already so happy to have one child. But unlike my friends who were pretty laid back about conceiving their second baby, I CANNOT WAIT to find out if I’m pregnant. Unfortunately, I have to wait though!
Can’t wait to complete my little family.
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Im pregnant! And my hubby is away, I can’t wait for him to get home so I can tell him the awesome news…I’m positively bursting!!!!!
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Congrats Butterflies! That is wonderful news.
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Oh, congratulations!
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OMM: Feeling a bit lonely and sad this week.
Too many pregnancy hormones and not wanting to be one of ‘those’ pregnant women who talks about nothing but babies and her pregnancy has stopped me reaching out to all of my childless friends. I used to have a good support network online but as a fair amount of them are having difficulty concieving I feel like its rubbing it in to share my feelings there.
Mr Moosey is usually great but his relatives are here and he’s super distracted.
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Hey everyone,
Hope everyone’s week is going fabulously.
OMM1: I work at two law firms and it is my last days at both of them this week because I got a full time clerkship which starts on Monday. I am so disheartened to leave one of them (the boss is a gem) and so thankful to leave one of them because my boss is a controlling jerk. Mixture of happiness and sadness
OMM2: Have been playing the field as of late and going on lots of dates with different people. Love the fact that I can do this and not be reprimanded for it. Only problem is.. I think I met a good one about 2.5 weeks ago. Hereafter called Banker Boy. He is a great guy, has a great career, can be myself completely around him and he has a great sense of humour and we’ve been on three dates. One to a three hatted restaurant, the other to the movies and the other to dinner. Its just really bad timing. Because of my experiences with men and getting out of a three month relationship about four months ago, I am really really commitment phobic right now so I have massive walls up. Is the timing ever good for these things?
OMM3: Uni is really becoming unbearable. I have so many exams and preparation to do and starting fulltime work next week is going to make it harder. I am always really busy but I am just soooo burnt out
OMM4: I loveeeee ASHER KEDDIE. GREAT OPEN POST MAMAMIA!
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You have massive walls up because you got out of a 3 month relationship 4 months ago? Time to start taking those walls down.
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Re: Dating.
Take your time enjoy it. If he is the right guy, any time is the right time. Dont pressure yourself into something too soon. If he is awesome, he would understand.
Best of luck!
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Don’t let Wanker Boy prevent you from enjoying Banker Boy –> he might be a winner!
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Was soooo hoping you would reply to this one, afw.
I am enjoying Banker Boy a lot
Nice to have some validation?
How’s stuff with your new man in the office?
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Hello KS — glad to see a name change is imminent for you
Advice-wise, look at it this way: only your previous boyfriend broke up with you -that is ONE man, not all men in Sydney. Do not punish yourself.
As for the timing of these things, a good piece of advice I read recently is that there will never be an ideal time to have a baby, it’s really about finding the right partner. So true, and it applies for relationships generally (not just baby-making). Don’t worry about when you meet him, is it too soon etc. You do not get a choice when THE MAN turns up. It might be tomorrow, it might be New Year’s Eve, it might be in a year, five years, or even fifteen. You can’t go: oh, next July the 3rd is good and he turns up at your door neatly wrapped. He’s a gift, take him when he comes. Throw timing out the window. It will likely not be a convenient day/night. If it were any other way, we’d all be married at 28.5 or something, wouldn’t we?
And Ah yes, my new man in the office – nothin’ doin’ just yet. See above comment from me. I sort of have a vague weird inkling he may have been told to lay off shooting for me / his interest by someone.
I wish I knew if he does have feelings. I felt so sure before, like 99%. And then I let myself develop actual feelings while he was away (it has been years since I let that happen so it is a bit of a breakthrough).
Anyway I will see him in person tomorrow – let’s see how he conducts himself. That may be my final decider. His eyes are just gorgeous though like a warm light brown/amber. I had to force myself not to openly admire him in a meeting last week. His very senior boss was there – he may well have seen me trying not to steal glances once or twice. Can’t help it, he is just beautifully put together… every bit, his hands, his ears, just – everywhere! *sigh
I too love Asher Keddie! So missing Offspring (if it is not obvious).
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afw i think we’re going through the same thing…
There’s a guy at work who my assistant has christened “work husband”. He’s always there, makes work for us to do together unnecessarily, puts meetings in the diary for no particular reason, watches my every move on the open plan floor. I can’t get up and go to the photocopier without him knowing, or watching. In meetings where there’s other people we always sit across from each other, I can’t help but look at him. He’s lovely, and sweet, and absolutely delicious to look at. We’ve gone out a few times socially, we’ve held hands drunk but never kissed. We’ll be out together tonight, again, with a crowd. I can’t wait.
Tonight could be the decider….
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OMM: Trying to come up with a strategy to discourage Trick-or-Treaters. Porch light off, doorbell disconnected, front gate securely closed.
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My old technique was called Big Dog. She literally scares off anyone who comes within a kilometre of the driveway.
My new technique is called Secure Apartment Building. Ain’t no kids getting in here!
Alternatively, you could go out somewhere…can’t answer the door if you aren’t home…
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where do I start, I have a lost a house and now my 3 gorgeous children and I are homeless, I have been told by my ex that he will never love me (he is also living in our old 4 bedroom house by himself so kudos to him) my family are angry at me because despite it being out of my hands and trying hard to keep my house that I couldn’t so I failed there and that I need to grow up and that they will never help and they have basically disowned me and it was my deceased fathers birthday and I feel like I’m at breaking point. I don’t know how much more I can take and I feel like giving my kids to someone else that can provide them with a roof over the head a stable life and better parents than what I could ever be. I’m completely broken in more ways and I cant see a way out I feel hopeless.
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Oh love. Go and find your nearest Salvation army office – they will help x
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Monet, Have Maven is right. You need to call the Salvos. You’ve obviously got alot of stuff to deal with but you need to just take one step at a time and they should be your first point of call to help deal with the critical stuff first up. Take care.
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Oh Monet, this is awful. Do you have any friends who could help you? You need to get to centrelink asap, and explain your situation, there is emergency assistance available, and they will be able to connect you with other services as well, such as legal aid. What sort of a father would allow his children to become homeless while he lives in a 4 bedroom house! Try to stay as strong as you can for your children, at the moment you are the only certainty they have in a highly distressing situation. I wish you all the best and my heart goes out to all of you. x
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Excuse me while I have a freak out . . .
So you’ve all probably heard that Disney has bought out Lucasfilm. Well I blogged about it this morning. You can read that here http://wp.me/p2wF6l-4f
Well someone from the Guardian in the UK read it AND LINKED MY BLOG POST TO THEIR ARTICLE!! I’m so freaking excited!! You can read the article here http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2012/oct/30/disney-lucasfilm-star-wars-deal
It excites me because I LOVE Star Wars, so I’m just so happy! Woo hoo!!
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How exciting! Congrats
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Oh Wow Evil Cupcake that’s brilliant. Yay for you!!! I think we all know you’ll be posting about during “best and worse” this week.
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That is super exciting!!!
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What’s on my mind? m…o…n…e…y…
See, I have never, ever cared about money. I have saved enough to do the things I wanted to do in my life (travel overseas, rent in the city, buy a house). Gee now that I’ve written that I feel impressed with myself.
Anyway, I earn a humble income and I’m married to a man of equally limited financial ambitions. That is, until now. I have recently had a baby and suddenly I care about money. A great deal. But there is so much I don’t know. At 30, how much money should I have? My resaerch so far (google) gave me nothing. And while my friends and I talk money, we don’t talk figures.
So has anyone got any budget tips? How much money (even percentage wise) do most people put away a week?
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I usually put away a third of my income into savings (offset account) on each pay day. That is typically only touched for big things like overseas holidays or if a big home repair was required. My partner did roughly the same I think, maybe a tad more. (He was advised he was being made redundant a few months ago and as soon as we heard that we immediately moved to living off of my salary alone and putting any income he was still earning (he has managed to pick up a short term, week by week contract for a the last few months) into savings in order to prepare us for him being out of work.) So now I can only put away 20% of my income into savings on each pay day while we are living off of my salary alone. We only have a mortgage though and no car loan, HELP debts anymore etc.
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Omm: we have had a pretty stressful week with our youngest child being diagnosed as coeliac. Cue an extra $250 at grocery shopping and many tantrums over what he is no longer allowed to have.
But it could be worse right? (That’s what I keep telling myself)
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Oh I have a great book called ‘Healing Foods: Cooking for Cealics, Colitis Chrons and IBS’ by Sandra Ramacher.
It might help!
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Yes it is very expensive to live a GF lifestyle. We eat very simply. Woolworths has a great GF Macro range – be careful as some of their Macro foods are nut free/diary free but NOT GF.
For breakfast it is muesli mixed in with GF cornflakes – just as tasty and makes the very expensive muesli go further.
Lunch is rice cakes/sandwich on GF bread on sale plus fruit or GF biscuits. You can make your own bread but they are never going to taste the same so just find one that you can tolerate – lol!
Dinner is usually a rice dish and GF pasta occassionally. We buy our Pasta in bulk from Aldi during Coeliac Awareness week. Twice the quantity (and quality) for the same price.
It is such a shock to the system to start but you will find that you will find your way and bargains and things that you just can do with out! We live in Canberra so we can only eat out at two GF places and it is amazing how much money you end up NOT spending on food!
Good luck and let me know if you need any pointers!
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I started eating gluten free last year, and also noticed a big jump in my grocery bill! So frustrating, as you’re usually paying more for less quantity AND it doesn’t taste as good! I’ve felt like throwing a tantrum many times myself so i feel for you and your boy!
Apart from pasta and a small amount of muesli (SO exxy!) I avoid foods that have been modified to be gluten free – things like eggs / fruit/ yoghurt / rice pudding for breakfast, sushi or salad for lunch and much more curries, stir fries or “meat and 3 veg” type of dishes for dinner. It’s a big adjustment, but it’s worth it. Good luck xx
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OMM: My parents marriage certificate arrived last night and I just need some new photos done and I am good to apply for my British passport.
Anyone got any tips on the process? My Dad is dead, but it doesn’t seem as though I need his death certificate. Fingers crossed it all goes ok.
Also, just wanted to add in, that I have been truly blessed with my new housemates in this difficult time for me. I have company when I get home from work and people to do stuff with on the weekends when my coupled-up friends are doing boring things I did too just over 4 weeks ago. Dad must have been watching over me when I looked on Gumtree that day 4 weeks ago!
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It’s been 10 years since I got my first British Passport but it was a fairly painless process and once I sent all the docs off they were returned with my passport quite quickly. I just renewed it as well which was also pretty quick (despite the unhelpfulness I encountered at Australia Post and the ambiguity of the renewal form. Australia Post should not advertise that you can renew your British Passports there and then refuse to answer any questions about how you can do that.)
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Australia Post have been fine with me! I was pretty surprised with the requirement to send away my original documents though, like my birth certificate, parents marriage certificate, etc. Makes me a bit nervous!
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So many things OMM this week.
Worst: hearing that an old school friend was killed in a car accident on Friday (shew ould have been 36 at the begining of December). I have been so upset about it even though I haven’t seen her in a few years.
Best: waiting to hear the news of a baby arriving TODAY. Yay some exciting news!
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Hi MM Team,
Can anyone tell me what the outcome was of the erotic story writing competition? I was one of the finalists (sadly not the winner) and would love to know if the winner is going to be published.
Thanks to Mia , Bec and the team at Mamamia for giving me, and many other want-to-be authors, the chance to have our words published on their site. What a hoot it was to have a go at writing an erotic fiction novel. My meagre effort is called Sculpt and thanks to all those who read it and took the time to share their opinions. I was thrilled to find that most of the feedback positive.
Congrats to the winner. Hope this leads to bigger things for you.
For those of you who want to know what happened next with Ally and Zac Chapters 2 and 3 are ready to read on my blog, Worse Things Happen At Sea, but be careful around the kids. It’s a little fruity.
http://cmmatheson.blogspot.com.au/
To my friends and family what can I say? It’s always the quiet ones!
Cheers
CMM
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Stay tuned, CMM — the outcome will be announced in an upcoming open post
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Excellent. I loved the erotic fiction post. So glad to hear you have written more chapters. Will pop over and have a look! x
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Thanks Petal. I’d love to hear what you think of it, good or bad. I hope MM do another writing comp with a different genre. This was so much fun. A great distraction from laundry and school lunches.
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I really enjoyed your entry. I liked the characters straight away.
Will check it out!
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Dear MM Team,
At least once a week a comment I post will go to spam. These comments are not controversial, so I know they’re not being moderated. Frustratingly, a comment on one post might go through, but another will not.
I have been told before to hit the ‘alert moderator’ button but how can I when the comment isn’t showing?
Could you please advise?
Regards, Peta.
PS Would also like to see a ‘like’ button when using MM for iphone.
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Hey Petal! We check spam regularly, but in case your comment hasn’t shown up for awhile – feel free to email me at nat@mamamia.com.au and I can go hunting. Nat x
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Thanks Nat. Will do.
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Ugg. I want to scream when I see my ex with his new flame. He was all over her. Granted she looks like Taylor Swift, perfect red lips and all. I don’t blame him. She’s a trophy. The exact opposite of me. Oh well. Onwards and upwards I say.
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Don’t worry. She will probably just write a vacuous and boringly repetitive song when they break up :p
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Let’s see…. the past few days here we’ve had some crazy weather! Luckily we aren’t directly affected by Sandy but the wind and cold has been pretty intense!
Last night watching the news and seeing scenes from New York and New Jersey… it was crazy to see what a ghost town these places have become. They showed images of the NY skyline from Brooklyn and it was pitch black, no lights!
Today I ended up having to wear my full winter gear, big puffy jacket, scarf, gloves the works it was that cold! I’m worried the snow will hit us much earlier this year
Also OMM is my husband having to work late these days, which really SUX he is getting home at almost 7.30 – 8 every night and if we were back home this would be ok since I could go to my parent’s house or a friend’s house or have someone come over but here I have no one so it’s frustrating but I know it’s his work so I can’t complain!
Still waiting to hear on husband’s job interview, they said they would let him know 2 weeks after the interview so it’s almost time to find out… hopefully things will work out the way they’re supposed to!
Oh and today the cashier at Whole Foods made me so homesick, he was asking me about where I’m from and when I said Melbourne he said oh doesn’t that place get like top rated place to live in the world….
YES YES it does!
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I like it when husband works late, as I love my (rare) ‘me’ time…but then I can be a bit of a loner sometimes, I like my own company a little bit too much!
Wow…so maybe in the next few days you will hear about how you are going to live the next few years…exciting! Hope it happens soon…
Weather…I won’t get started again. I refuse to wear a winter coat yet, it just seems too early! I wore a thick hoodie today with a scarf and headband, but I didn’t have to go outside much – thankfully! Once the big coat, gloves and beanie comes out, it feels like there’s no turning back until about March…depressing!
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I know I love my alone time too but I get plenty it during the day since I only work part-time so at night I want to spend time with him, but by the time he gets home and goes to the gym etc it gets late and by that point I’m usually half asleep on the couch!
I know I’m hoping we will hear something by early next week and then we’ll have to weigh things out and see what we will do.
As for weather yep I know I hate having to wear this huge jacket but unfortunately it’s the only way to stay warm! Husband’s boss was saying that hopefully it won’t snow now since there are leaves everywhere and apparently snow mixed with leaves on the road isn’t the best!
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Oops the comment above was from me not anonymous!
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I wish that was in Brasov when I was there. I loved Romania, the people were just SO friendly.
By the way, Kimbra is the Aussie singer, Kimba is the white lion
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What is the story about Kimbra? the photo gallery still isnt working in Internet Explorer *sigh*
also, Kimbra is a kiwi living in Melbourne, we just claim her cos shes awesome
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Woops, is she? I just assumed she was Aussie. Bad me.
The story was “Em Rusciano went to Halloween as Kimba. Her friend went as Gotye.”
And no, she wasn’t dressed as a white lion!
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I kept looking at the photo and thinking “she doesn’t look like a white lion” and then I realised she was Kimbra. Then I felt really old …
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OMM is moving. I spent most of last week in bed sick in a town where, while I know people, I don’t have anyone that I can call when I need help. It culminated in me passing out in the supermarket while I was trying to buy basic food that I wouldn’t have to cook.
I want to go home. But I need to find a job and somewhere to live and organise the actual moving and it’s all too big and scary. And I’m feeling sad and sorry for myself now I’m back at work after 6 days off and I’m still too shaky to climb the stairs or stand up for more than 10 minutes. So I’m sorry to vent.
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Oh LK that really sucks. Thinking of you and hope things start looking up for you!
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Romania is one of the most beautiful places I have ever been – I love Transylvania in particular. Stunning scenery, amazing people, great food. Memories…….
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OMM – I am seven months pregnant with my second and the reality of that is starting to kick in. My first bubba is now 9 – big age difference I know. But here’s the thing. On the one hand I am so excited to finally be having another and it was planned and very much wanted. However, I am so used to things being cruisy now with my son and so used to just hanging out with him that I just wonder -
1. How could I love another kid as much as I love my first?
2. Will I feel guilty for loving the new kid as much as my first?
3. Will our relationship stay as close when the new one arrives?
4. How am I going to cope with a new baby, a grade three kid, working full time and a partner that is often working away? eeek!!!
I know it will all pan out, but I would like to hear from other mums about the emotions they went through when their second baby arrived.
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Hi Rara while I don’t have kids of my own I do know what some mums go through when they have a second child that is far apart in age from their first. My MIL for example had my husband 13 years after her first and she told me once how she was going through similar emotions like you are, for e.g thinking how she could love another child the way she loved her daughter, and she had gone through all the infancy, baby stages with her and how could she go through it again. Even my mum had my younger sister 7 years after me and said she went through the same stuff.
Of course though once baby came everything was fine and your heart is big enough to give love equally to both kids. Plus think of it this way your second will have an older sibling to help you with him/her, like my older sister and I did with our younger sister. I can still remember helping to give her a bath and changing her diapers etc… and your oldest will love it too
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You may not love the second one as much as the first. I didn’t. It took a while for me to bond with my second child (a girl). I bonded with my son the instant he was put on my chest. My heart felt like it was bursting. It wasn’t the same with my daughter. It took about a month with her; it was a gradual thing.
Rest assured though, whatever you feel, is completely normal. Everyone is different and everyone experiences love in different ways. And don’t worry about how you’re going to cope with the older child; you just will. Oh, and source you local Occasional Care Centre – it will be a godsend when you need to rest.
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I have a 5 year gap between mine, and had the same concerns. Here are the definitive answers:
1. You absolutely can and will. Each love is different but equally powerful. I couldn’t imagine it, just as I couldn’t imagine the love I would feel when I met my first. But trust me… you will.
2. Nope!
3. Absolutely! It can get even closer. I am with my oldest daughter – and she adores her sister. The best thing I could ever have done was give her a sibling.
4. One day at a time, good woman. After the craziness of the first 8 weeks or so, you will find your new rhythm and settle in. Don’t stress about these things now. Just “go with the flow”. That’s the best advice I can give you.
Enjoy every minute!
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Hi rara, my two boys are almost 3 and 5 and a half. I found the best thing for us was to get the oldest involved,as much as possible. He had an opinion on the name and helped with setting up the nursery as well as picking out a little present to give to the new baby in the hospital.
I think it’s all about balance, making time for your oldest but also time for you and the new bub. Sounds like your oldest will understand that sometimes babies need more than they do but it doesn’t change how much you love them.
Re. The love for another child…. I was Also worried about this, but in all honesty, each child is so unique it’s not hard to love them both equally, for who they are. I often look at both of my children, either together or separately and get that overwhelming feeling of love.
It truly is amazing. Enjoy it as it comes and don’t be afraid to ask for help!
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Mine are 3 years apart but I remember being a few weeks before my due date sitting on my sons bed and watching him sleep and crying and crying because I felt so sad that he would be getting less of my attention and it wouldn’t be just me and him any more. Our second baby was planned and I definitely wanted my son to have a sibling but I still felt almost guilty. As it turned out he was fine. His uncle came down to look after him for a few days which he loved and I bought him so many toys he still talks about it 5 years later. I don’t think the way we related to each other changed. With loving the new baby it took longer than it did with my first, weeks rather than straight away. In time though it all equalled out. The fight a lot these days (!) but they love each other and it’s very interesting watching their relationship develop seperately from the relationship they have with me and their father.
Good luck!
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Oh my goodness I could have written this. My daughter was 4.5 when my son came along and ia didn’t think I could ever love another child the way I loved her. And for a while I didn’t! I had PND with number two that I didn’t with number one and it was all really hard for a while there. Now though he’s 15 months and we all just adore him. Give it some time, don’t beat yourself up if you don’t bond instantly, and try not to worry too much – my daughter doesn’t even remember being an only child! Good luck!
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OMM is weather. I have decided I could not live in the Midwest US for any longer than necessary. Last Thursday it was 26°C, absolutely beautiful. The next day? 9°C and storming. And it has remained there ever since. Tonight it will be -2°. Ew. And the wind chill drops the temperature like 5 degrees lower.
Did I mention I am not a winter person?
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Sounds like a typical Spring day in Melbourne.
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Oh Rach it’s been exactly the same here! This freakin weather is driving me crazy!
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For Kate Hunter, check out the bike helmet boutique in sydney, you can design your own or chose from some super cute designs
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What a beautiful post, Lucy. It reminds me of one of my favourite children’s books – The Deliverance of Dancing Bears. Would love to see some footage of the bears crossing into their new home, whenever that may be.
Quick question for my Melbourne friends: where can I take my partner for date night tomorrow? We live in St Kilda and I’m looking for something sweet and fun. Maybe dinner and an activity? I’m usually all over this stuff but this week I’m drawing blanks.
Have a great week everyone!
xx
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Cafe Rosamond does dessert nights on Thursdays
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Thank you so much Maddy! It is so breathtaking here. I can hear dogs barking in the street as I write this from my hotel room, in fact! There’s a post about this coming, but you can see the bear we rescued on my Twitter feed. he is just beautiful XX
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It is the last day of Frocktober! Can I say a huge congratulations to everyone who frocked up this year? This is my third year of frocking and it is so great to see the event growing each year. There is still time to donate and the total is nearly at $190,000 – how brilliant is that.
I’ve posted all my frocks on my blog: http://blithemoments.blogspot.com.au/
I love the dress I’ve saved till last but I am hanging out for my jeans. Work pants tomorrow then jeans for casual Friday and all weekend baby!
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