by KAHLA PRESTON
Community service announcement: punctuation is important.
In fact, punctuation is SO vital it can be the difference between life and death. Don’t believe me? Consider exhibit A: “Let’s eat Grandma!” v. Exhibit B: “Let’s eat, Grandma!” (Yeah, that humble little comma just saved your Grandma from death by cannibalism. You think about that.)
The problem is, our language’s current range of punctuation marks is severely lacking. The advent of texting and instant messaging is largely to blame, because these communication avenues have created grammatical needs that never really existed before.
For example, so many of my tongue-in-cheek texts have been misinterpreted over the years that now I’ve resorted to punctuating my texts with “haha”s and cheeky smiley faces. That may be acceptable when you’re, say, 14 years old; but when you’re a so-called adult it’s not really very sophisticated.
Life would be so much easier if there was a punctuation mark to denote humour, sarcasm, or even flirting. Think of all the fights and misunderstandings – not to mention the unnecessary use of emoticons – that could be avoided.
Thankfully, the folk at College Humour have come to the rescue with this collection of punctuation marks that don’t exist, but should. Memo to the Gods of the English Language: please make these happen.
You can view the full gallery here.
Which of these new punctuation marks would you use most often?
Comments
24 Comments so far
Where’s the interrobang?
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The correct usage of capital letters. The difference between helping your Uncle jack off a horse and helping your Uncle Jack off a horse.
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they’re all stupid but I want the andorpersand and the superellipsis…
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Love them! Found myself trying out the Morgan Freemark out aloud. In my office. Lucky I’m not trying to hide who I really am, huh? I write in a style that’s best described as conversational and will admit to being an over-user of the punctuation mark. I would welcome these new varieties into my world! http://bumpyroadtobubba.com/aboutme/
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As an aside why do people even resort to sarcasm. It is widely known as the lowest form of wit for a reason. People that use it oly expose themselves as having no sense of humour and little intelligence.
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Sarcasm is a literary (or rhetoric) device just like any other (irony, understating, oxymoron, paradox, etc).
Sarcasm is just irony with a bitter twist aimed at using humour (often) to convey disapproval, criticism or the like to a subject without being too nasty.
I often use sarcasm (verbally) as an ambiguous way of criticising leaving enough spite in their for those who choose to get to actually get it, but holding back somewhat so as to not cause unduly offence.
Sarcasm (or bitter irony) seems to work perfectly well on my 4 year old who has grown up on a household were literary devices and rhetoric is part of our normal day-to-day life.
Most parents use this too; “Is that where we leave our shoes?” is a much asked rhetorical question which can also be expressed as “it is very clever to leave your shoes in everyone’s way so they trip over them” using sarcasm to compliment the situation.
Not a low form of wit, but a great way to open your children up to rethink…
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I understand it is a rhetorical device but stand by my comment about it’s intellectual value. That you say it works on your four year old sort of proves my point. Not only is it low brow stuff but when used by one adult to another simply sounds “narky” and is often an indicator of a passive/aggressive attitude.
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I’m sorry you feel that way, Lucy Judith. I don’t like an overuse of sarcasm but sometimes sarcasm can be used to break a tense conversation and can also be used as an appropriate link between topics. Plus, sometimes it’s just plain funny (and not necessarily at the expense of others).
Low brow, yes, but not certainly not a display of low intelligence.
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Definitely would use the sinceroid and ….. and of course the superellipsis which would’ve just been perfect.
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I totally read the superellipsis as a thriller pause in a movie….dum Dum DUUUH…brilliant!
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A part of me was instantly soothed when I saw that there was an article even mentioning the importance of punctuation! Thanks MM.
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I’m guilty of using ” ” ‘s a lot because I’m trying to lift words out of sentences (as we do when we use verbal stress ).
I approach writing with the same application as script-writing or dialogue, attempting to write the way I speak ………..yes, I use “……….” ‘s a lot too.
Implying tone is so difficult for most people.
Poor spelling is more annoying and the misuse of words such as – wear, we’re, where, and your, you’re, and hear, here, and brought, bought for example are understandable sometimes but leaving out commas & full stops just detracts from helping the reader to understand the point being made – particularly if the writing is in anger.
I’m not sure that I’d use these new suggestions but at least it’s an attempt to improve the communication between people.
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Totally agree, I’m conversational in the way I write, to be honest, these would be good.
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Nearly wetting myself over the hemi-demi-semi colon!
For more semi colon hilarity go here: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/semicolon
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I think people should learn to use the puncuation we already have first. People are useless at using full stops and commas, so how on earth would they figure out how to use a “sinceroid”?
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I would use most of these. But the one I wish other people would use most is the “I’m not angry” one! Particularly people I work with, at the end of their emails. And during Facebook messaging when people say goodbye! Have I irritated someone or did they just have to leave really quickly?? NFI.
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I believe it was Lynne Truss who is the author of Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation who suggested that their needs to be a way of distinguishing rhetorical questions when written. Off memory I think she suggested the upside down question mark.
I would use that. Don’t you think it would be a good practice to use it¿
I would also like a punctuation mark for irony and/or (insert the Andorpersand here) sarcasm.
May it could be this for irony† and this one for sarcasm‡
Then again, would anyone actually use it¿ I don’t think I would† No one would get what I actually meant anyway‡
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So funny you mentioned that book, Darrell – my uncle bought me the Eats, Shoots and Leaves desk calendar for Christmas. It is currently gracing my desk at MM and gives me a new piece of grammar-related info every day! (Nerd alert…)
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Well Kahla, that just makes it an easier decision on what you can buy me for my upcoming birthday…
(never too old to use the wink)
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Nice. The unicode master.
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Thanks for the kudos (if in deed that’s what you were doing) with the unicode master comment, but I am a fan of using the character map to find the symbol I am after and copying and pasting. Memorising unicode (even for me who has been called Rain Man for my “often pointless” ability to memorise the inane) is not really where I choose to focus such brain space for said inaneness (sic).
Of course then, to add to this, those punctuation symbols MUST be added as shift keys on all keyboards.
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I thought your post was clever. Kudos was given.
I wasn’t looking like this ಠ_ಠ
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Darrell – May l suggest you re-read the first line of your previous comment.It should be indeed, Not in deed!!
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Ooh, I like your rhetorical, sarcasm and irony punctuation marks and would use them as well as the andorpersand and the superellipsis. I think, however, I’d struggle to make the rhetorical question mark with my iPad.
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