Do not attempt this at home folks
By JO ABI
I just wet myself.
I’ve had a bad cold for the past week and it was during a particularly nasty coughing fit that the aforementioned event occurred. It wasn’t even a dribble. It was a significant gush. What if I hadn’t been home? Does it really have to be this difficult to be a woman?
During my three pregnancies I’d often wet myself (not a lot but a good two tablespoons) but it was funny, one of the joys of pregnancy. I could joke about it. I’d have a chuckle. A sneeze, cough or laugh could bring it on. Woops, how funny, I wet myself again. Ha ha, the joys of pregnancy.
It’s been three and a half years since I was last pregnant and I diligently performed my kegel exercises after each birth. I didn’t even have vaginal births. Three c-sections. I thought my pelvic floor muscles would remain intact. My pelvic floor should be a freaking trampoline. But no. Another charming side-effect of pregnancy and I’m not happy. I’m humiliated.
Jo Abi – minus one pelvic floor
Yes, this is a little too much information but I have had to wear panty liners every day since I first became pregnant (thank God they make them for g-strings now). There’s always discharge. But wetting myself? I’m too young for Poise.
As I type this I am doing my kegel exercises. From now on I will treat my pelvic floor like my other trouble spots (triceps and lower abs). I will perform exercises daily and the beauty of the kegel is that you can do them anywhere. It’s the ultimate multi-tasking event. I can do them while I’m washing up, while I’m reading, while I’m driving my car.
But what I can’t do while I’m washing up, while I’m reading, while I’m driving my car is sneeze, cough or laugh.
We start our lives in nappies and we end them in nappies. If I want to live life as the fun-loving, vivacious woman I like to be I’m going to have to take certain precautions. Because wetting myself is just unacceptable. Like the women in the ads I want to frolic and cavort or spend gardening with the knowledge that I’m not going to wet my pants like a little girl.
I’m a grown woman for crying out loud. This can’t happen. Wetting myself is just unacceptable.
Jo Abi is the author of the book How to Date a Dad: a dating guide released by Hachette Livre Australia. You can read more about her many and various exploits here.
Have you got any stories to share?
Comments
61 Comments so far
With my first pregnancy I experienced this problem but luckily I corrected it with many exercises. With my second pregnancy I experienced this problem again, however during pregnancy. But I was lucky enough to discover Lelo Luna Balls at a covert visit to an adult shop. These have been on the Oprah Winfrey show by the way, and I have been told they were in her Christmas freebie bag they were that great. They have been a lifesaver! Safe to use during pregnancy, I only needed to use for 15-20min periods to reep the benefits immediately. I have since got my mum and her friends a set and passed this valuable information on to my midwife so she can spread the word. You can find them at Honey Birdette also. Look up: http://www.lelo.com/index.php?collectionName=femme-homme&groupName=LUNA-BEADS
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For those of you wishing to find a women’s health physiotherapist or continence nurse advisor in your area please contact the Continence Foundation of Australia
http://www.continence.org.au/
http://www.pelvicfloorfirst.org.au is also an excellent resource for fitness professionals and individuals wanting to know safe and appropriate exercises when they have a weak pelvic floor
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I know everyone will jump on me and say that it’s worth it, but hearing things like this REALLY put me off having babies.
Please can we hear from an expert next on Mamamia talking about this issue?
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It’s really interesting that you’ve made this request, and I’ve been watching the comments, wondering if they’d turn to prolapses and other injuries – which they have.
I asked Mamamia several months ago if they would consider putting together an article on pelvic floor injuries (uterine and bladder prolapses, rectocoele and cystocoele (where rectum and bladder push against weakened vaginal walls), and incontinence of course. These issues affect so many of us post-birth but it’s really, really hard to find good information, or women wiling to share their experiences online.
Anyway, thank you Jo Abi for opening up this conversation. As you say Anon, it could be really offputting for women considering having kids. My response is that, for me at least, it’s a tiny part of a much bigger picture, but some warning in antenatal classes/pregnancy books would have been helpful. There’s a lot of “do your pelvic floor exercises”-type fingerwagging, but precious little info on the very real consequences. Or of the fact that it’s pregnancy, not necessarily pushing a baby out, that does the damage. Or that pushing a baby out can weaken the ligaments that hold your uterus in place at the top, leading to prolapse – not pelvic floor weakness.
It’s a sensitive issue and I appreciate that not many women would want to share their stories, but given the opportunity, some might (as they’ve done here) and this might help demystify it for other women, and reduce the embarrassment and even shame that women have described here.
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1. I asked for an article on this issue but *importantly* 2. I was told this wasn’t possible, because Mamamia cannot cover medical content. Edit this however you like, but if there’s a reason why an issue like this can’t be discussed, I think readers deserve to know that, and why. If we can have stories about drunk girls wetting themselves in supermarkets, why can’t we have articles on birth injuries? It’s not glamorous, but it’s not peurile either.
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Couldn’t agree more. The state of a woman’s pelvic floor, particularly when they have experienced a prolapse, affects not only the quality of their life, but their sense of self – their confidence, their identity and their sexuality. I absolutely agree crackerpants that there needs to be more information out there about this issue that apparently affects 1 in 10 approximately; more discussion and less shame associated with the conditions experienced after a prolapse. Good to have this as a starting point to bring some of these very difficult and personal issues to the fore. Thanks for trying to get more discussion around this though.
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I agree – this is really important. I don’t have kids and honestly I had NO IDEA this was such a common thing.
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My Mum has had terrible issues with incontinence for over twenty years. She is now 70 and I have watched it affect every aspect of her life, It leaves me in despair seeing that Mum cannot even leave the house some days and how it has affected her self esteem. Any recommendations of good people to see in Melbourne??? She had a sling put in ten years ago but it isn’t working anymore, and although it did help, she is pretty much back at square one. She had caesareans for both her kids, tries to be fit and healthy but it breaks my heart each week when she has another ‘accident’. And that’s just the ones she tells me about….
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I actually did two things while reading this 1. some kegals. 2. thought of my mum. who has lived with numerous pelvic floor problems for her whole life (evern since she had children).
She feels it was her first birth, which was pretty difficult, that had the worst impact. She has had at least 3 operations which made no difference, and has had serious problems with prolapsed vagina and prolapsed bowel.
I have always been nervous that I could experience the same problems when i have children and I have to say, it has seriously, seriously affected her confidence in life, not just as a woman but as a person, full stop.
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I am currently 31 weeks pregnant with bub number 2. And have just had a nasty viral infection which has resulted in bad coughing episodes., whihc has resulted in multiple changes in underwear. I have been very diligent with my pelvic floor episodes but clearly my body is.not.enjoying the added strain from bub!
This post.has reminded.me that despite out best efforts, sometime things are.just beyond our control… Hoping pelvic floor will recover in a timely fashion, if not, i will be seeking help ASAP!
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Pilates that is all.
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Actually, that’s not “all”. I have to have surgery to repair my bladder prolapse and torn ligaments, which are the result of a combination of having big babies, genetics and progesterone deficiency. I persisted with physios and Pilates for two years because I felt like I just wasn’t trying hard enough and perhaps it was all just what “happens” after childbirth. Finally got checked out and it turns out no amount of exercise will fix me. So please don’t assume; think before you make comments such as this, as they perpetuate the feeling of shame some of us already feel.
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Hi .. I put up with this for soooo long – maybe 17 years. Thought it was after last (5th)pregnancy that this is how it’s supposed to be!
Did pelvic floor exercises religiously … to no avail… found a GREAT gyno who prescribed some tablets for over active bladder and guess what? …. no more accidents!
AND this is easily fixed otherwise by small op…. NO woman needs to go through this at the very least ANNOYING problem!
I might add – I’d had a sling put in to help (which it sort of did) 15 years ago… I’d also visited a different ob gyn on several occasions – who’d only offered a hysterectomy…. tooooo drastic.
This last miracle worker informed me that a ‘all the pelvic floor exercises and a hysterectomy WOULDN’T have fixed anything’I Tablets and recently supporting mesh CURED ME !
I didn’t want to end my later years in nappies either!
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I recently visited my mother interstate, and I one day she curiously asked me if I had any sanitary pads on me….
I thought at her age (being in her mid 60s) that it was strange she hasn’t hit menopause – so I gave her a few.
We were in a supermarket later that week when I noticed her loading up on the pads – horrified I told her to ease up!
She told me that after giving birth to 4 kids over 8 pound – she has her “moments”
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Whenever I go on the trampoline and haven’t been to the bathroom before, I’m pretty much guaranteed to wet myself. I think at one point I had to change my underwear five times in a single afternoon because I couldn’t control myself (and at just 18 yo, this probs isn’t a good thing!).
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Equilibria Physiotherapy Salisbury, Brisbane. Brilliant physio specialising in pelvic floor issues.
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Yes, Brissie has many excellent pelvic floor physios and Alyssa is def one of them!
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I never even considered my pelvic floor after my first baby. Just gave birth to my second and am stunned to find i can’t stop the flow mid stream. Nothing compared to some of the comments but enough to have me very worried.
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I haven’t had penetrative sex for months because whenever i orgasm i wee. I am mortified. I basically have no pelvic floor – i can’t a access those muscles at all. Does anyone know anyone in Brisbane I can see? A physio or a gynae? Please help, i would love to be able to have sex woth my husband again.
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I recommend you see your GP to start with, they can refer you to a specialist. Good luck.
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I see an awesome physio called Sally O’Brien – she works out of the city and Ashgrove… Cannot recommend her enough…. She specialises in this sort of thing. Changed my whole world.
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Arrivals Obstetrics on Stanley Street in Woolangabba near the Mater have a physiotherapist who specialises in pelvic floor recovery. Not sure if you need a referral from your GP or not. Give them a call – you don’t have to have used the obstetric services to access the physio. Good luck!
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No referral needed for Arrivals and you don’t need to be an obstetric patient either!
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You can go to a gyny for an assessment and get a treatment plan and some overall advice (ie. is surgery needed, what devices may be used) but it is really important to go to a physio who can begin to help you do exercises to be able to regain feeling and control of your pelvic floor. I cannot emphasize enough how much a physio has helped me – it can be a bit confronting and scary to have the assessments made but it starts you on the road to recovery and it is amazing what can be achieved just through starting to do some pelvic floor exercises correctly – with some help from professionals.
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Maybe you should try this – when you actually do a wee, try stopping it and starting again. It’s hard but it might help those little muscles to get better at holding that wee in. Or…you could have sex in the shower for now, yeah! Your hub probably won’t even notice if there’s a bit of wee, and I’m sure he’d rather that than no sex at all.
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Equilibria physiotherapy and nutrition in Salisbury specialises in pelvic floor problems
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Try equilibria physiotherapy in Salisbury
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Jo, great post. I am only 28, have only had 1 child and used to experience the same problems. It actually put me off having any other children (and wearing anything other than dark, heavy trousers in public). However, I was referred to a great women’s physio who specialises in this area and she basically gave me an internal exam whilst I was doing my keggels and then showed me that I was doing them incorrectly. not to be too graphic, but I was tightening my spincter (sp?) not pelvic floor. Apparently, it’s really common. Anyway, I now know the difference and she also showed me this electronic probe thing that helps me tighten the area and after several visits and a fair bit of time, it’s just changed my life. We are now trying for baby #2 and i’ve even been out with my son on the trampoline, with no problems! Discuss your situation with your doctor, obviously, but this is what worked for me.
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Yes, finding a great women’s health physio can be life changing. I can’t recommend it enough!
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I even have to careful when I oppan Gangnam Style
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Please educate yourself on your options for Pelvic Organ Prolapse repair. I had a Johnson & Johnson surgical mesh implanted and my life, like many others who have done similar, has been ruined…6 major surgeries and it isn’t over yet…in Australia, the TGA (theraputic goods association) relies heavily on approvals given by other countries and for these sorts of meshes, no proper clinical trials were conducted for the use of these meshes for pelvic organ prolapse repair. I am the lead plaintiff in a class action representing Australian women who have been adversely affected (the numbers are growing everyday..) Please google class action against transvaginal surgical mesh and you will find countess numbers of cases proceeding in the U.S where the far reaching effects have been recognised and the FDA has issued major warnings against the use of these polypropelene mesh implants. You can find me at http://www.facebook.com/POPSurgicalMeshMuster
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After a long labour and grade 2 tears I was confronted with a prolapse at age 31. I cannot recommend seeing a Physio highly enough. It takes time but it does improve. There is no need to put up with this!!!! This is a subject that should be covered in Health at school.
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I agree, I say that all the time now. It should be taught at school not right after having your first baby.
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Visit a good uro-gynaecologist… I did about 2 years ago (now 43 and children aged 8 & 10) – it was my NY resolution for 2011….. I had some surgery and life is transformed. I put up with it for too long – sometimes all the exercises in the world cannot give the result of a skilled surgeon. There are doctors dedicated to making life more comfortable and not need “poise” anymore
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Haaa haaaa I gave birth to number two 11 weeks ago and made the mistake of jumping on the trampoline. Ooops, had to change my jeans afterwards
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Please go and see a good women’s health physiotherapist. They can assess your pelvic floor, provide education about bladder habits and teach (and check that you are correctly performing) pelvic floor exercises. It gets worse when you hit menopause as you lose muscle strength generally throughout whole body
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I did an amazing workshop with Discretely Fit on getting my pelvic floor muscles back to good health. It was fantastic and I’d recommend it to everyone – pregnancies aside, gravity takes it’s toll!
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Thankyou for the reminder. Pregnancy does crazy things to ones pelvic floor. We have to keep reminding each other to stay vigilant. And share all the tips we have!!
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Lol! This reminds me of when I was pregnant with number 4 and had the worst chest infection of my life, I ended up wearing my sons nappies to guard from the coughing fits!!!
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Hayfever and a weak bladder is not fun.
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Oh dear, I feel for you…
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I applaud you and the other Mamamia contributors who have the courage to talk about such issues publicly
I’ve only had one child, two and a half years ago…and I’m 27 years old…. and I wear panty liners more often than I ever have! It isn’t too bad at this point in my life, I don’t wet myself often enough to deem it a problem but will definitely be doing some of those exercises!
my mother is starting to come to grips with the wetting that comes with ageing rather than pregnancy… she is 60 this year and acts/looks like a 40yo woman so she is finding it extremely hard to deal with! we were at a store the other day when she had an accident after sneezing… she had to hide in a corner to check that it wasn’t visible so that she could make it safely to the bathroom! a good laugh in the moment
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Charliemama, my mother was 60 when she had the same op I had (TVT below, although not for everyone, see julie davis response above) and she said it’s changed her life for the better. Thankfully it’s not an inevitability we have to put up with as we age. Hope your mum finds an answer. xx
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I recently had a bad stomach virus that meant violent bouts of vomiting. Of course the force of that also meant a hot shot of wee at the same time.
I felt really disappointed in myself.
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Yep that happened to me during my pregnancy with number 2.
I felt better about myself when the same thing happened to my child free sister and her husband when they had the same bug
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Add food poisoning to the mix and it gets even worse. Violent diorea (sp) and vomiting and the post preggers wee. Also this happened with a room full of friends in the next room I’m blushing remembering. I’ll never eat a sausage roll again.
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….and squeeze and hold…
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Jo, I feel your pain. I was in exactly the same boat after having 4 children. Sometimes all the Kegels in the world won’t help if it’s the ligaments that are stretched. If it is a muscle problem then some sessions on a Wave Chair will definitely help (http://www.wavebrilliance.com). That worked for me until I had a dose of bronchitis & coughed non-stop for a month, undoing all the Wave Chair’s good work.
I highly recommend finding yourself a uro-gynaecologist, like I did, to get a diagnosis of exactly what the cause of your incontinence is. There are a few causes, and they can pretty-much all be fixed. Mine needed surgery. I went through my local hospital, waited several months to get to the top of the waiting list to have a TVT = trans-vaginal tape. It holds the bladder upright instead of it falling forwards and therefore leaking everywhere. The surgery was no problem and I was home the next day. No exercise for 6 wks (other than a light walk), but since then I can even sneeze standing up, which is a bloody miracle. Now I’m dry every day a year later. Jo, there will be a cure out there for you, all you have to do is keep trying until you find the right one for you. You definitely don’t have to put up with it. All the best!! xxx
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For the last 6 months or so, I’ve been unable to make it through the night without waking to go to the toilet. My heart sinks a little bit each time when I realise why I’ve woken up! I’ve started reading about the theory of how western toilets (as opposed to squatting) leads to bowel and bladder problems – there may be an answer there for us.
Never thought I’d be posting a comment about wee!
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Have you had your blood glucose levels checked, as waking at night to pee is one of the symptoms of type 2 diabetes (speaking from experience).
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Thanks for the tip, Guest. Both of my parents have Type 2 diabetes, and I have quite a few skin tags which someone else told me is also an indicator. I’ll have a check-up asap.
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Really? I have to get up twice a night usually which is so annoying. It’s not normal????
Also…I’m in my 40′s and have never been pregnant but I have the “wee” probem too when I sneeze or laugh…..
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Yep, speaking I’m from personal experience. Once I was diagnosed and began medication I stopped having to get up to pee through the night. It’s on the list of possible symptoms for type 2 diabetes. It’s pretty easy to get checked too, just see your GP.
The over 40s thing – apparently we lose muscle tone as we approach menopause, this can cause “leaking”.
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I can’t speak for anyone else of course, but I think you’re meant to be able to go through the night without going to the toilet. I thought I’d never be able to do it again after 2 kids, but about 2 years after my 2nd son was born I was back to sleeping through the night without needing to wee. Maybe get yourself checked out?
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After 4 children I just sit on the toilet when I feel a coughing fit coming on.
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Thank god for being a bloke…
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Mark, a continence physio told me that men need to do pelvic floor exercises as well so they don’t become incontinent as they age. Just to make you feel better
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Mark,
About 50% of men get Prostate cancer and the other 50% will get an enlarged prostate at some time during their lifetime. The first indication both conditions is urinary incontinence.
So us blokes don’t escape at all, the thought that incontinence is confined to women is a myth.
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not sure where you got those alarming statistics but not 50% of men will get prostate cancer. Check the link below
http://www.prostate.org.au/articleLive/pages/Prostate-Cancer-Statistics.html
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Yeah you’re right, I misread the stats on the Bureau of Stats site.
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You have no idea
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