Did someone say sleeeeeeep? I feel like I’ve hardly had any since we launched our very first e-book The Gift of Sleep last Friday. I must admit that on Friday night, after our The Gift of Sleep website had gone live, I gave myself the gift of wine. Followed by the gift of Hazelnut Fudge ice-cream.
Then I had a shower and washed my hair with facial scrub. Accidentally. That’s how tired I am.
I was asleep that night faster than you can say, “Joel Madden, you are Mayor of Hotsville ..Zzzzzzz.”
With this book and a smoochalicious 13-week-old baby sleeping in a basinette next to my bed … I know all about exhaustion. As do thousands of other parents. Parents who have been operating on less than four hours of broken sleep per night for years. Parents who are worn down. And worn out. That’s one of the reasons I agreed to help ‘Sleep Whisperer’ Elizabeth Sloane write The Gift of Sleep – because it’s about gently and lovingly teaching babies over 6 months how to self-soothe. And, as many of you know, I am fully aware of how precious babies are. But having spent six months working on this ebook with Elizabeth – I can tell you she’s the real deal. (For those interested she has formally trained as a Maternal Nurse’s Aid, has a Newborn Baby Health Certificate, has observed sleep study units and has twenty years of experience in helping thousands of babies learn to self-settle).
Is this book for everyone? No. As Kate Hunter so eloquently puts it, “Not all books are for all people. Vegetarians aren’t going to buy ’101 Ways With Mince’.” Exactly! Only you know what works best for your baby and you. And if what you’re doing now with your baby or toddler works for you — keep going! But if, like many parents, you are not coping; if you’re getting up to your baby or toddler every 45 minutes to replug a dummy or to pat them and it is physically and emotionally taking a toll on you and your baby - The Gift of Sleep‘s gentle controlled-comforting program is another option for you to consider.
Just last night I got these emails from Bev, a mother of twin 10-month-old girls…
Bev from South Australia emailed us to say her 10 month old twins are already sleeping better thanks to The Gift of Sleep!
First email came in at 8.15pm
“My husband and I are totally overwhelmed by the habits we have created for our twins. Last night we were up to them in excess of 20 times between us and they still ended up in our beds (yes separate beds to accommodate our need to have them close). I downloaded your book on Sunday after seeing an article in the paper and begged my husband to offer Elizabeth anything to come to our home to help us. But he said let’s try it ourselves first. So tonight that is what we have done. It is now 8.10 pm and after 35 and 40 minutes respectively both babies are asleep without dummy, music, feed and patting!”
Bev’s second email came in at 12.42am
“Hi Rebecca sorry it’s 12.30 twins just woke up. They have slept a whole 5 hours – not long in normal people’s lives but amazing in ours. Yes please use our story on website am more than happy for you to do so!”
Bev’s third email was sent 28 minutes later at 1.10am
“It is 12.58 after two resettles both babies asleep. No real crying – only whinging. Surprisingly the baby I thought would put up the most protest settled quickest. These are not my first children so you would think I would have no problems getting my babies to sleep but I did. It was probably a combination of knowing they are my last babies and slipping into old habits that I had used before (I know why would you fall into bad habits again?) I am amazed that THE GIFT OF SLEEP appears to be working … I would recommend and will be telling anyone who cares to listen that it does work and that you are never alone thanks to mothers like you three who care enough about other people you don’t even know to write this book.”
Those emails are very real. And THAT’S why we asked Elizabeth to give women everywhere access to The Gift of Sleep through this book. (PS. GO BEV!!!!)
One of the great things about releasing the book is that it meant I had to fly to Sydney recently to do a photoshoot and film some Q&A videos with Elizabeth and the Mamamia team. Here’s a snapshot of my two days in Sydney when I flew up there with Fin:
- Fin and I arrive at the location for the shoot.
- I become roadkill as Mia, Lana, Lucy, Nicky and Nat push me out of the way to get to Fin.
- At one point I hear Lana utter the words, “Give him back.”
- At another point Mia threatens to fire people if they don’t hand Fin over to her. Allegedly. *cough*
Enough from me. Here’s what’s been happening around the Mamamia Office recently.

Publisher Mia Freedman scanning the day's line-up. Those Rag & Bone boots have made a reappearance!
So what’s happening in your world? And have you ever been so tired you washed your hair with facial scrub? (To find out more about The Gift of Sleep go to www.thegiftofsleep.com.au )








Comments
325 Comments so far
I thought I’d share a few testimonial we’ve just received. Here’s one from Robyn:
Hi Bec, Elizabeth and Mia,
I don’t even know where to start. THANK YOU is probably the best place! Your The Gift of Sleep ebook release timing could not have been more perfect – my 6 month old son Hugo was a dummy addict. I’d breastfeed him to sleep each night, then pop the dummy in. He’d usually sleep through from 7.30pm til about 12.30am, then from that time til morning I would usually be up at least 3 or 4 times during the night, popping the dummy back in or breastfeeding him again to get him to fall back to sleep. In the 3 or so nights before your The Gift of Sleep – book was released I couldn’t get him to fall back to sleep so was bringing him into our bed, which is something we definitely did not want to encourage. When I saw the book was available, I bought it straight away and read it in one sitting late that night. We had a friend staying with us though, so we only started the Gift of Sleep program 3 nights ago. AMAZING! The first night was pretty trying on my Hugo and I – it took about 45 mins to get him to settle at the beginning, but we followed the steps perfectly and got there in the end. Then he woke at about 12.30am, and didn’t settle til almost 2am, however slept through until 7.30am! Day sleeps were good – only a few minutes of crying then off to sleep. The next night was easier – only 12 mins to get him off, then a period of only about 10 mins during the night where he was awake. Then last night at 7.30 he cried for a minute, then fell asleep. I heard him stir at 6am, then he put himself back to sleep! It’s now 7.30am and my little boy is waking up – I can hear him blowing raspberries in his cot through the monitor!
I honestly feel like I have a new little boy. He really does seem happier and more content, and has a much bigger appetite now! I gave him lots more food yesterday and he wolfed it down, must be to do with all the sleep he is now getting – and the fact that he’s no longer getting milk during the night. Also we are now 3 days dummy-free and that is amazing!!! I realise now that I had been abusing the dummy, and feeling like I needed it more than he did. So in the last 2 days I didn’t even bother taking it to places where I thought I’d need it – the shops, a doctors appointment – and he was perfect, didn’t ”need” it at all.
For what it’s worth, I don’t care if these methods are or aren’t similar to those advocated by Tizzie Hall or Gina Ford (or any other author for that matter) – I haven’t bought those books, but I found your Gift of Sleep format the best – a quick simple read (that’s all it should be), that I can read on my Kindle and iPad/iPhone late at night.
I can’t thank you all enough. The Gift of Sleep program is so easy to follow and it has worked for us. Next step for me – dealing with my massive boobs in the morning that aren’t used to not feeding during the night!
Robyn xxx
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Here’s another testimonial from a mum called Sam …
Hi Mia, Bec, and Elizabeth,
I need to thank the three of you for changing my life. Last week when you released ‘The Gift of Sleep’ I was at the point of breaking down. Again. I was feeding my daughter to sleep for every night, nap, and every time she woke up during the night. It had worked well for 8 months, but for the last month she wasn’t having a bar of it. Every sleep was a fight. I was constantly trying to shove my boob in her mouth, she was constantly trying to do anything but eat, I was going insane.
Every feed was lasting for at least forty five minutes, thirty minutes of that would be a fight. I knew it wasn’t working, I knew I needed to do something else, but I didn’t know what, or how. This combined with some old issues that had reared their head resulted in a lovely diagnosis of post-natal depression.
Then, you released ‘The Gift of Sleep’. I never thought that controlled comforting was something I would do, until I tried it. My little girl fell asleep within half an hour that first night, and slept until 6 the next morning. She has only woken up twice during the night over the last week. For the last three days there isn’t even grizzling before she falls asleep. She babbles to herself for about two minutes and then is asleep. It’s amazing!
We are both more rested. We are both more relaxed. My hubby is no longer on tenterhooks wondering when I will snap/melt down next. I now enjoy my little girl again.
I can’t believe how much my life has changed in just a week. I honestly can’t express just how thankful I am. I don’t know how I would have survived another night with no sleep. You’ve saved my family.
Thank you, I owe you more than you’ll ever know.
With love,
Sam.
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And here’s a testimonial from Jacqui (which came in a few days ago) …
Dear Elizabeth, Rebecca and Mia,
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I’ve just finished night 3 of the GIft of Sleep program with my 21 month old daughter, Ava. And I want to cry… I’m so relieved! She is going to sleep on her own, without her bottle (her previous addiction!) and soothing herself back to sleep when she wakes during the night.
I downloaded your The Gift of Sleep book on Monday after reading about it in Mia’s column (thanks Mia – love your work!). I was at wits end. I work full-time, as does my husband who travels for work. So sleep is precious. Ava has not been sleeping well since last August and we’ve tried everything… or so we thought. She was waking 3 to 4 times per night. I figured hey, I’m smart, surely I can fix this… Well no I couldn’t and that just made me feel worse. I’d actually become quite ill and rundown. Besides being just well, plain grumpy!
And for the price of my weekly coffees, your The Gift of Sleep book has solved the sleeping crisis. Ava is eating better. Breakfast had previously been a battle. And yes, it is only day 4, but I know that we have a happier and brighter little girl. Even though she was always happy. She just seems happier in herself. And I feel human!!!
And even though The Gift of Sleep suggests having support at home to get through it, I didn’t as my husband was away (he is a pilot) as were my parents. I say this not to brag, but to say to all the Mum’s out there thinking about it, YOU CAN DO IT! Yes it is a challenge, but the improvements are immediate and enough to get you through the next day and the next. I couldn’t put it off another day so I just started and it worked!
I had so much more energy last night that I baked a cake and painted my nails… Now that hasn’t happened in a very long time!
Thanks again… I’m off to wipe my happy tears!
Jacqui xoxo
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Wasn’t sure the right place to post this but is anyone else having trouble with some of the links in the daily newsletter? It’s been happening for a few days now for me.
ie I can click on a few of them but not Rick’s about online dating profiles or the same sex video, Jessica Marais’ baby or the liposuction/Bob Katter article.
I’m on Chrome and use gmail. Maybe that’s stuffing me up somehow?
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This week I have been taking part in the Live Below the Line challenge. Since Monday I have been living on less than $2 a day on food and drink to gain a small insight into what it’s like to live in extreme poverty, while raising money to help those living in extreme poverty.
Around the world, 1.4 billion people live in extreme poverty. That means they live on less than $2 per day – the Australian equivalent of the extreme poverty line. That’s just $2 per day for all their food and drink, living expenses, medical expenses, and education.
I am am now on Day 4 of the challenge, with 1 more day to go.The week has certainly had its challenges, there have been major mood-swings ranging from tantrums, tears, depression, melancholy, and anger. I have begged and cajoled friends, family and strangers into donating money for what I believe is a very worthy cause. I also hope that I have inspired others to take action.
Many people have asked me what motivated me to be involved in a campaign like this. I mean, it’s a pretty crazy idea. And here is my answer taken from a blog that I wrote on Tuesday (day 2):
“… The reality is that I feel terrible tonight. I am foggy headed. Tired. Grumpy. Teary. Moody. Angry. I have a full stomach from my dinner, but I feel completely unsatisfied. And I strongly suspect I am going through some major withdrawals.
Do I want you to feel sorry for me? Hell no! That completely defeats the point of what I am doing! What I want is for you to feel sorry for the 1.4 billion people around the world experiencing much worse conditions every single day. People who don’t get to leave those lives behind at the end of the week when I get to. People just like you and me. Mothers. Fathers. Sisters. Brothers. Sons. Daughters. Aunties. Uncles. Husbands. Wives. Cousins. Friends. People who are stuck in a cycle of poverty not of their choosing. Generation after generation. I may be feeling miserable and sorry for myself, but I am still standing firm in the knowledge that its completely worth it, that they’re completely worth it.”
If you want to read more of my blogs or find out more about the challenge, check out my profile page at https://www.livebelowtheline.com/me/kerenlwall
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Today in the US, President Barack Obama became the first president in US history to announce his support for same sex marriage. I am an avid follower of Amercian politics, and it has always amazed me the way the Republications and conservatives behave in such an un Christian manner.. quite hateful in some cases, I say Bravo Mr President, and I am sure there are conservative and republication heads exploding all over the US. A great day for America!
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I’m going on my first long-haul flight (to the US) in a few weeks and I don’t know what to wear. I don’t want to wear jeans because I don’t find them very comfortable to wear over long periods of time. I want something comfy and warm but that I will still look half decent in. Help!
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Like you, I don’t find jeans very comfortable to wear for a long period.
I went to the States recently and on the plane I wore a pair of Howard Showers charcoal trousers I’ve had for ages. The fabric is a bit stretchy and they are really comfortable but still look dressy. On top I wore a long sleeve T with a cardi, it can get quite cool on the plane.
Have a great trip!
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After countless loooong haul flights, I have my uniform down pat and it’s all about layers:
Good quality cotton leggings (and cotton knickers!)
Ballet flats that can easily be slipped on and off (plus socks in the hand luggage in case feet get cold)
A singlet and soft fabric skirt (such as lycra blend, not with a very tight elastic waistband). Sometimes it gets way too hot!
A wool cardigan
A BIG pashmina type scarf which can act as a blanket
A coat which can also act as a blanket.
Also, for hand luggage, I pack spare knickers, wetwipes and a rolled up dress in a no-wrinkle fabric as you never know when your luggage can go missing! Mine has twice, and the airline generally gives you a giant, branded tshirt and some toiletries!
Happy travels!
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Get yourself a pair of Lorna Jane flared excersize pants. They’re super stylish with a nice top and pair of flats and amazingly comfy, my mum and I both have a pair for long haul flying. Have a great trip!
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i am nearing the end of my media degree and am starting to get quite anxious about getting work when i graduate. i would love to do an internship while i am studying this year to get a bit of a leg up in the industry. im madly looking and applying but as you can imagine its tough out there.
anyone have any knowledge of sydney internships (paid or unpaid) in the journalism, tv, film, publishing industry?
any contact or lead would be greatly appreciated!
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Firstly, Bec & Nicky – your bubs are heartmeltingly beautiful and precious, i can see why the fights were breaking out in the office for cuddles!!
Well done on the e-book, regardless of every individual’s parenting beliefs and methods… our aim is ultimately all the same – to have happy, healthy, loved babies (and to retain our sanity). parenting is both the greatest gift and one of the toughest challenges, and any extra support and ideas for those of us who may be struggling- or feeling like the methods we are using are just not working but unsure of what to do next – is always a good thing in my opinion.!!!!!
While on the topic of babies – my ovaries are aching with my desire for another bub…we have put off trying for another 5 months – several commitments in the second half of the year were just too hard to plan around not knowing if id be 2 months pregnant/5months pregnant/not pregnant at all by then. while the practical side of me feels we are doing the right thing, the emotional side is impatient – and also afraid incase it takes so long to fall pregnant again.
my little boy has been crook this week…we went away for the wkend and on the way there i very wisely remarked to my hubby how lucky are we that our toddler has never had a bad cold or flu ,the irony is not lost on me that he screamed all that night,,, and the next night, while developing flu like symptoms . poor little darling has been a mess of green snot and coughing since then. now im getting it too.
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I don’t post here very often but I have to be anon for this one. This week one of my good friends told me that she is gay. She has a lovely husband (17 years together), and two children, one of whom has been my son’s bestie for about 5 years, they’re like brothers. I am completely stunned by this news. She’s told me not to tell my DH until her husband is “more ok with it.” I like my friend very much but I can’t help feeling completely torn by it because of the impact it’s going to have on this beautiful family. She has been struggling with unexplained illness, moodiness, anger and depression for over 2 years and she says that now she has come out, she’s not ill any more. They’re all still together in the family home but haven’t explained to their kids why mummy is now sleeping in the spare room.
Anyway, I just needed to unload because I can’t tell my husband – and he’s going to be really upset because we’ve been such good friends with them. (And geez I hate it when people say “Oh don’t tell your husband” – I can’t stand keeping news from him.)
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I don’t think it’s fair for your friend to ask you not to tell your husband. Especially when you are all friends. Your relationship with your husband comes first before the relationship with your friend so if I was you I would talk to him.
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Although I also hate having secrets from my husband, I would respect the request for a while longer at the very least.
In time, maybe your friend’s child will tell your child or your friend’s husband will tell yours. But it’s not information your husband HAS to know right now – he can’t change the situation and it doesn’t directly concern him. I am sure the friend’s husband would rather less people know right now, while he processes it all. Once the truth does come out, I’m sure your husband would understand that it wasn’t your secret to tell.
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How horrible for everyone including your friend. But good on her for having the guts & decency to be honest. So many people, men and women, live in pretence pretending to have happy marriages whilst having affairs or flings with same sex partners and never being honest.
I think she’s been very brave on such a huge issue.
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I’m currently planning my engagement party. My Mum and I are looking at venues (fiance is pretty happy to just turn up to be honest + he is overseas at the mo). I wanted a general idea on what everyone sort of did for their engagements? How much did you end up spending? Was it food or cocktails or both? What do you generally do at them? Are you supposed to have an MC? DJ? Band? Are you supposed to do speeches? Cake? I’m so confused on what needs to be done. Did anyone have entertainment? Roughly how many people did you invite? I have a huge family (I have 57 first cousins [Mum is a family of 8, Dad a family of 10 and they all had kids, im the youngest so almost all of my cousins have partners and children) I don’t know where to draw the line.
Any advice would be great!
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We had about 170 for our engagement a few years ago. We hired a lovely hall and hired caterers and provided beer and wine. My godfather is a DJ so he did music and mc-ed. From memory I think all up it cost approximately $5000.
Make sure it’s what you and your future husband are happy with because in the end these memories will be more precious to you than anyone else
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Thank you for your help
Did you have entertainment? Like dancers or something? Is that necessary?
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We had an engagement party at my flat, I think we invited about 25 people, self-catered a buffet light supper, and played music on the stereo. You clearly have a different situation going on with a large family!
I wouldn’t spend huge money on an engagement party, you will need all your cash for the wedding if you have this many people to invite from just your family. Why don’t you do something simple like a picnic in botanical gardens or a park? Serve champagne, sandwiches and cake, get a face-painter to entertain the kids or similar, make it 2 hours long and that way people can come and have a drink, wish you well, and it’s very relaxing.
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I love the idea of entertainment for the children. My cousin studies child care and is great at kiddie parties so I might be able to pay some of her friends to do something like that.
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I’ve never been engaged let alone married, but I don’t think there’s a “supposed to” (or, if there is, there shouldn’t be). But I have been to plenty of engagement parties and I’ve seen everything from catered parties in the bride’s parents home with a cake and speeches, to “we’ve booked the rotunda in the park, drop by and bring a picnic to have with us”.
I agree with what others have said – you’re wedding is going to be Huge with a family that size, so feel free to save money and have a minimal engagement party. If the guest list at the wedding will be limited to family due to numbers vs budget, perhaps have an engagement party for all the friends who might not make the guest list?
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Great idea
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I didn’t even bother with an engagement party. Wasn’t into the whole thing, we spent the money on the wedding instead.
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Sometimes I feel like I want to do that to to be honest
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Sharon congratulations!
Personally I think you’re better off saving the formalities of MC, speeches, cake and DJ for your wedding. Its nice for one of you or your parents to say a quick thankyou speech and a toast but otherwise its a bit over the top for an engagement party.
Nice venues wont be able to fit lots of people so you might want to cap it at just adults or kids over 12 only. Your parents might appreciate you keeping the guest list small if they’re going to have to pay for the massive wedding as well! I think its a great opportunity for all the families to meet each other. Its important that you introduce your family to his family, that will be your main job for the night!
We had a cocktail party at my parents house with about 60 people, because we werent going to be getting married for 2 years because of travel plans so we wanted to do something to celebrate. And I didnt have a 21st because I went overseas instead so I really wanted to have an engagement party.
Good luck!
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My wedding isn’t for another one and a half years as well due to work commitments so I really want to celebrate as well. Thanks for your help
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I’m also in the process of planning my engagement party, but I’ve had 3 siblings do it before me which has made it easy. We’ve hired a large hall (we have 150 guests) and will have catered finger food and some of my fiance’s family are bringing yummy Greek desserts, and my cousin is a fancy cake maker so she is making us one. We have a DJ/MC (one guy) but if he flakes we have massive speakers and awesome playlists on our ipods ;P We don’t have dancers or anything like that, but will have speeches from our dads etc. But I just went to my best friends engagement and she had it at her parents place, all family and their friends and her family made all of the food and decorations and it was lovely
More casual, which she really liked. It’s all about what you and your fiance want, if you want a park, do it! A big thing? Do it! Just make sure you do it to celebrate your love not to impress, there is no use spending money that could go to your future together
Can’t wait to hear updates on how you go, it’s such an exciting time!
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I’ll definitely keep the updates coming. I am currently working on the guest list so I can finalize the venue (the venues want caters for only 100 people).
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We had a “something old, new, borrowed or blue” costume party in our backyard for 70 people.
I would recommend saving the mc, dj, entertainment, speeches, cake ect for your wedding. Save some of the details (and money) for the big day.
I think the engagement party should be more relaxed and casual than the wedding, but to each their own!
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I was the lucky winner of the Hussy clutch bag from the Mammamia Shopping site. I wanted to let you know I used it for the first time Sat night and felt like a million dollars. It’s amazing how good a groovy accessory can make you feel. Thanks Mammamia! And thanks Hussy!
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Congrats!
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Hi, when will mobile view be back? I read this site every day and miss it being in such an easy format. Thanks x
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My mobile view has changed too. I thought it was just me. Hope it can be fixed.
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I thought I was the only one not able to see theobile view!
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Hi everyone!
Can you all please please please help me with my thesis research and complete this super quick survey?! I promise you can do it with one hand holding a glass of wine
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/viewform?formkey=dGdlNFlJaVlHblRoaDZ5STFPWm9QYmc6MQ
THANK YOU!
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Hi Daniella! I filled it in for you
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Yay! Thank you so much, Sharons! Sending a big hug through cyberspace! -not a creepy hug though lol
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Done! That was quick and easy. Your survey page is so pretty! Good luck
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Thank you so much!! Google Forms, it’s really easy to use and pretty too! xx
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Oh and to all the BABY BOOMERS out there, I would realllllyyyy appreciate your time and effort in completing this survey! Y’all so under-represented!
…I really need to make more baby boomer aged friends, don’t have enough!
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I just filled it in and I am a baby boomer! (sadly!)
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Me too!
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Thank you Lisamarie!! I hope you can feel all the happy vibes I’m sending your way
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Yay! Thank you so so much!
Ps, embrace being a Baby Boomer. So many awesome memories and life experience!
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I’m a boomer and I did it but I had to lie about having Facebook! I don’t. I hate it but I hate, despise and loathe twitter more!
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Thank you so much, Anon!
Sending you lots of non-creepy cyber hugs! xo
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You’re not meant to lie in a survey!!!
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Done! Best of luck with your thesis Daniella
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Yay, thank you for helping me out!
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Just filled it in
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Yay! Thanks heaps Emma! Hope you’re having a lovely day
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oh i did it too. I love surveys!
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Woohoo! Someone who loves surveys as much as me! I always did every single one in my Dolly/Girlfriend mags. So much fun. So many unfulfilled expectations
Thank you for helping me with my survey!!
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Done and done. I was actually just researching for uni today- if it helps, I always start with Wikipedia to get a general idea then move on to the uni websites and start finding it in journal articles. Wayyyyy too confusing to start with a journal! I love Wikipedia
Good luck with your thesis!
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Such a beautiful baby boy, Rebecca. You both look so content with one another in the photograph.
In previous weeks, I have posted on the Open and the Best and Worst Posts that I am looking to become apart of the legal department for one of the major media outlets after I finish my degree.
This week, I actually gained the courage and guts to ring Channel 9, 7, 10, Foxtel, ACP Magazines, Fairfax, News Limited, Pacific Magazines and ABC to find out whether I could do work experience or act as an intern in their legal departments.
Channel 7 told me that they didn’t offer any in Sydney. Channel 9 and 10 said that they did not do work experience in this field. Fairfax said that they didn’t do it anymore because there had been lots of redundancies. News Limited never called me back.
BUT, I did get on to Foxtel and ACP Magazines in their legal departments and was asked to send them both emails with a CV and a bit about myself in relation to my request which I think is positive.
Does anyone have an idea as to what to say in the email? I’d love to hear some responses!
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Defintly say that you’re following up on a phone call in which X invited you to submit your CV for X position.
try and google that person and send it to them direct if possible.
Make sure someone proofs your email/CV and only send it once you triple check!!
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Does anyone have experience with applying for special consideration at uni? I have anxiety & depression that I’ve only recently managed to get somewhat under control with medication, however I still have panic attacks sometimes and have missed quite a bit of uni. Some days I just can’t face the thought of going to class, so I’ve been avoiding it a lot. It’s not really affecting the standard of my work, but some of my units have a minimum attendance rate which I’ve dropped well below. I don’t know if I should speak to someone at the uni and let them know why I’ve missed so much. But would that involve getting medical certificates and confirmation from my doctor that I have been ill? Any advice much appreciated!
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Hi GracieC. I can’t comment specifically as I don’t know your uni/faculty, but typically when applying for special consideration you do need a medical certificate with some sort of specific statement by the doctor. You should definitely talk to someone in your faculty or email them now to get the ball rolling. Your uni’s website should also have some information on the process of applying for special consideration- have a squiz there because it’s probably more helpful than me haha! In my experience lecturers are quite helpful and understanding in these circumstances, so good luck with it all
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Thanks Sarahlou
I’m just freaking out over the idea of having to explain something so personal to people I don’t know. Hopefully it’s nice and simple though. Thanks again for your help
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When I did it it was just a form you printed off and attached paperwork to. I didn’t even have to go in face to face.
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I did academic consideration last week and it was easy – did it through our online student site, then took the doc’s cert in when I was back.
I think once you’ve been to the counsellors and if you have others who can write certificates saying what’s going on, you shouldn’t have to go over too much with strangers.
I’ve just been tryng to get a group project member to apply for it the last couple of days, he resolutely wouldn’t, so he’s now cut out of our group and has to do it on his own. Don’t make yourself suffer because of an illness!
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I applied for special consideration for an exam once as I had a terrible infection in my arm and couldn’t write. I just needed to fill out a ton of forms and the dr had to do one as well. I think I did have to discuss it with my teacher, but maybe you could approach student services first over the phone and see what they suggest, maybe the forms will be enough…
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I’d start by arranging to speak with the counsellor on site at uni. They will have the skills to listen to you and insider knowledge of the relevant uni processes for special consideration and send you in the right direction
Good luck with this but more importantly with getting on top of your anxiety and depression
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Thank you Bec, and thanks to everyone else who replied too. Speaking to the uni counsellor would probably be the best way to do it but I don’t know if I have the guts to do that, it was hard enough telling my doctor everything that was happening. So hopefully it’s just a matter of filling out forms.
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Hey Gracie! I have exactly the same situation as you! (Struggling with anxiety/depression/panic attacks and missing uni because of it). I advise you to sign up with the Disibility Support office and they will let you know exactly what medical certificates etc you need and help you out. For me they did things like changing exam times to afternoons (when i was less drowsy from meds), providing extensions, notetaking for lectures etc. And of course dealing with things like missed classes! SO much easier than trying to sort out everything yourself!
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Thanks anon, I’ll definitely look into doing that. Hope you’re feeling better. X
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I have applied for special consideration in the past, you can go to the student centre where it it to be lodged and ask them what they will need. For my uni I needed a letter from the uni counsellor saying I’d been struggling and had gone to him for help, and it was all approved no problem. I understand not going to class because of anxiety, it happens to me all of the time. Hope you still rock this semester
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I work for a GP and I know she does do Special Consideration certificates. Check with your Uni whether they need a form filled in or just need a letter from your doctor/counsellor/whatever. You might not need to explain your personal business to a stranger, you may just need to submit the paperwork.
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Hey everyone.
My Son is in Grade 1 and is the youngest kid in his class, he also missed out on kinder because we lives interstate. He is having some trouble this year at school (His teacher seems quite strict compared to last years). His teacher pulled me aside this week and said that he is very touchy/handsy with other kids and that little boys need to wrestle/playfight. I told her that I do that with him but she said it should really be a male. I told her there was no male to do that with him. She kept on about it and eventually said that maybe I should expand my friendship group so that my son has a male to play fight with. I was so offended that she had said this to me, i think because I am a young mother people feel that they can tell you what you should be doing. Anyway – enough rambling! Is there people out there that have experience with this situation? Boys growing up without constant male role models, I mean. My view is that kids just need to be shown how to be decent humans not so much men or women, but I am doubting myself after this! Would appreciate any advice
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Oh, this is tough for you. My boys wrestled each other and their mates for 20 years, until one day I screamed my throat raw that enough was enough! They were at an all boys school with male teachers who understood boys need for physical play so it wasn’t an issue. Their father was pretty much absent and wasn’t a role model anyway but their teachers were wonderful.
Hopefully your son will get to experience a male teacher at some point.
Many schools now have a ‘no touching’ rule, so your boy’s physical contact might be worrying his teacher.
As a very old mother, this is my advice – enrol him in a martial arts school. The discipline, physical contact and male teachers will do him the world of good. Many allow you to attend several times a week for the price of one day. If you can’t afford it, tell them straight up and explain your son’s situation and you may find them understanding.
Next, every sport imaginable – soccer, little athletics. Lots of good men coaching is a big bonus.
Lastly, I’d repeat him next year. At a different school if possible.
In my opinion, the older boys are when they start school the better.
Don’t worry too much. He sounds like a normal, active boy who just needs an outlet and a bit more maturity. Good luck!
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Great advice, thank you! He already does soccer and has a great male coach but I think the martial arts would be a great idea; will have to look into it. My son’s father isn’t around and wasn’t a very nice person anyway! I don’t have male family members close by either. I am not sure about keeping him back – academically he is way ahead but not so much in maturity.
Amazing how a stranger on the internet can make you feel so much better about things
Thanks again!
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Complain to the school. Imagine how many other parents she’s giving dubious advice to.
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It’s not dubious though. I’ve seen that reported a few times about boys needing that kind of play. Maybe her method is a bit questionable, but I’d hardly call it dubious. Boys do need that outlet.
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I agree Kris. My boys do it all the time and they’re getting too big/strong for me to break them up when it looks too rough! Its drives me batty, but they always end with their arms around each others shoulders laughing.
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I think Steve Biddulph says a bit on this in raising boys? I completely agree that boys need rough play – we are always doing it. It was more the fact that she said it needed to be a male and kept pushing the issue when I said I had no male friends/family etc to do this with him. It made me feel like a failure, that’s all!
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Have quit my job to try my hand at entrepreneurship. Terrified and excited! Watch this space…
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Oooooh, good luck!!!
WIll be looking forward to reading about you in BRW’s rich list
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Thank you! I wasnt really aiming for BRW rich list but now that you mention it… why not?!
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Hey guys,
When is the NDIS story Rick mentioned yesterday hitting Mamamia?
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I believe this week! It’s ready to rock, just had a late change to the line-up
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Cool, thanks! I look forward to reading it
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How would you feel if the guy you were seeing says he doesn’t want to move in with you when you suggest it to him, and there are never discussions of the future together (holidays or whatever)?
He keeps his time with his children very separate to his life with me (I also have a child around the same age) and never do things together with our kids.
Am I being completely naive here? Or reading too much into things?
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No you are not at all reading too much into it. I think we women think that too often with men when it’s all so obvious what’s going on.
He’s, obviously, not committing to you so you should get out and find someone who will. Don’t waste you time on him, life is too short.
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Maybe his ex wife has asked that their children dont become involved with his girlfriends until its very serious and committed.
I have two friends who have this agreement with their ex husbands, their kids weekends with their dad is just that, time spent with dad. Until he’s in a committed relationship they dont want their kids seeing their dad with his latest girlfriend.
Just a thought.
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When we were just friends we’d meet at the park and things like that, but nothing more. It’s not a typical ex parenting rship either. He’s there all the time, helping her with everything, he only ever has them at her place. I know that’s a fantastic co-parenting partnership, and maybe I’m jealous as I have the opposite with my ex, but it just makes me feel insecure. They spend Xmas and bdays together too.
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As someone who is going through a separation, I would probably not want my kids to be spending time with girlfriends who he isn’t seriously committed to (not that I’m saying your boyfriend isn’t committed to you). It is great that they are co-parenting well, and I’m sorry you haven’t had the same experience.
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Big hugs to you Bird xxxxx
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I understand its a hard situation but you must remember he is with you not his ex wife! She is an ex for a reason! I think it would be hard to continue to have a successful relationship with him if you feel insecure because it is unlikely their co-parenting arrangement is going to change anytime soon. He seems to be very committed to his children and obviously his ex wife is part of that. I suppose you need to decide if you’re okay with that or not?
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If he’s putting his kids first I think thats a sign he’s a great person and a wonderful dad. Most men who leave their wives only want their kids when it suits them when they have nothing better on. I know men whose facebook pages are plastered with photos of the fun things they do with their kids every other weekend and boast about their achievements, but they’re not involved with them daily like your boyfriend seems to be with his kids. And their kids are often exposed to different girlfriends all the time which isnt ideal.
Hang in there, he sounds like he’s doing his best for his kids which is a great quality, especially as they were in his life before you were.
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Sounds like they’re still married! Major worry.
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I know! The truth is prob staring at me right in the face and I’m making all these dumb, waste of time excuses.
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Thats exactly what I thought!
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As they say he’s just not that into you !!!
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So true! Look at us on here, trying to find reasons and excuses why he’s doing it.. when it’s so obvious he’s just not committed.
Women do it all the time. I’m so guilty of doing it.
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I am not sure sure it is as simple as ‘he’s just not that into you’ as I believe its a bit more complex when kids and ex wives etc are involved!
How long have you been seeing each other? I think you should just sit down and talk to him openly and honestly about this because only he really knows what is going on.
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I have memories of my dad pouring orange juice into his coffee when I was a kid. The OJ was made from concentrate and mixed in an old milk bottle so it was an honest mistake – except that it happened all the time!! You’d think he’d learn!!
And for the record, I can understand where the lovely MM girls are coming from, re. Fin. He’s just gorgeous, Bec!!
xx
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Bec…..I want to buy your baby !!!!!
Name your price !
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Lol! Take a number. Lana and Mia are already bidding!
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I have just heard that my niece has Bell’s Palsy. Dr is concerned that she may also have a brain tumour. She went for a CT scan today. Obviously we are all hanging by a thread waiting for results.
Same niece, works in childcare. She and colleagues are constantly ill catching whatever the children in their care bring into the centre. Can someone fill me in here ? I remember a time, not all that long ago, when if your child had the sniffles you were told not to bring them in. I’m told that in recent weeks the centre (quite a reputable one) has experienced cases of headlice, hand, foot & mouth disease, the measles, other highly contagious illnesses and numerous instances of kids being dropped off wearing “full” nappies.
Apparently to refuse any child is considered discrimination. To my non-parental mind I’m thinking that this is meant to be a daycare centre, not a hospital ward. As I say, can someone fill me in ? Does this go on where you leave your kids each day ? My youngest nephews and niece attend a local centre and I don’t believe that I’ve ever seen them without snot dribbling from their noses.
On a point of indulgence…..something very near and dear to my heart that I’d like permission to give a free plug for. On the 19th of May, the Queensland Pops Orchestra will be giving two concerts over at QPAC, titled “The Best of Broadway”. Rachel Beck and Ian Stenlake will provide the vocals. The “Pops” always put on a great show and I believe that the audience won’t be disappointed this time around. Events such as this are ideal to take older children to. They get to see and hear what goes on and really gets them excited about hearing music other than what is on the radio.
If you live in the Brisbane area, do try and get along. You will be so glad that you did. The Pops will be featuring Troy Cassar-Daly towards the end of the year. So if you are interested in hearing country performed with a full orchestra….hurry and get tickets. This will be a concert not to be missed. Actually, any concert by the Pops is not to be missed !
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Most day care places have a policy about what they will and will not accept regarding illness.
Every disease has a different infectious period, for example – chicken pox is until all blisters are dried up, hand foot mouth is until all blisters have dried up but can still be found in the poo for weeks.
I think there are many day cares that require a doctors clearance before they’ll accept the child back in those cases (where the child obviously has a rash/is sick but no longer considered contagious).
Having said all that, kids are germ factories, they always have the sniffles and many diseases are the most contagious before symptoms even appear. So there is really nothing that is going to stop it from spreading all together. It’s an unfortunate aspect of jobs like childcare, pharmacy, nurses etc that you get exposed to every germ going around.
I hope she’s ok
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Hey Bradley
At the Adelaide Cabaret Festival last year I saw Rachel Beck and Ian Stenlake do a two-person show which was all about their marriage. It was terrific! So I can imagine the Best of Broadway will be fabulous! They’re really good together on stage …
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They regularly perform with the Queensland Pops and get raves when they do.
I am really excited about this concert. I hope that my excitement is infectious and prompts a few of the MM family to check out this performance. As Molly Medrum would say….do yourself a favour !
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Since my daughter started at daycare she is constantly sick. Of her snot is clear she goes, if it’s green snot I keep her at home. Vomiting and diarrhea are obviously home days. If she does not seem well and is particularly sleepy and just not herself then I’ll keep her home. They’re just my rules. I often see kids with green snot pouring out at daycare. She’s never been sent home.
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Hi Bradley, how old is your niece? I had bells palsy when I was 10 (one of the youngest cases ever recorded in Australia, go me!) and it cleared with 10 weeks… wasn’t super painful, from memory, and thankfully passed without any permanent injury. Hopefully same outcome for your niece!
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Hi Megs. My niece is 24. Thanks for your kind thoughts. I shall let my niece know about your case. It should lift her spirits.
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KDot’s been sick twice since starting day care in Feb. They called me because she had been asleep for 3 hours a few weeks ago, as that was long for her. I thought she was teething, turned out it was a virus. Then tonsilitis last week. That is apparently going around.
I think our centre is pretty strict with sick kids – they send kids home (obviously) if they’re crook, and you need clearance from the doc to go back. Also they have rules about how long the kids have to have gone without spiking a fever, or bouts of vomiting/diarrhoea.
Measles is just idiots not vaccinating their kids so it’s allowed to flourish.
They will have them there with runny noses, but any other symptoms, and they get sent home. They had her away from the other kids when I went to pick her up when she was sick (I was 10min walk away, so there wasn’t any point running off if she was asleep, so I waited till she woke up and went then).
One of my friends had bell’s palsy when we were at school, she had to have physio but it wasn’t anything too dramatic. I think Mum has had a touch of it too, not 100% on that one though. I hope that’s all it is and NOT A TUMOUR!
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Oh!! Huge thankyou Mamamia for my prize of a DVD and perfume from a competition a few weeks back. Arrived this week – SUCH a lovely surprise!
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OMM: GIRLS! It’s a new HBO series. Has anyone else watched it? None of my friends have downloaded it yet and I’m gagging for them to BECAUSE IT IS AWESOME! If it was aired in Ausralia right now I reckon MM would be all over it. So funny. So fantastic. Get on it.
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Thanks May – we’re already onto it! Keep an eye out
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Oh thank you for this! My friend is dating one of the women on the show. Not sure of her character’s name but her real name is Allison. He keeps spamming everyone to watch it but I haven’t bothered because I assumed he was just performing good boyfriend duties. And the title threw me off to be honest as I’m most definitely no longer a girl. Now that I’ve finally heard someone other than him say it’s a great show, I’m going to check it out!
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Aaaaaw Bec, I got a little tear in my eye when I saw that pic of you and Fin. He is just so precious.
And Nicky, Amelia is so beautiful too!!
Naww…I’m a bit clucky suddenly
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Thanks Gracie xx
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Awww, Gracie. That’s lovely. I still get teary looking at him. He’s my little piece of magic.
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Best: new relationship till going well. It’s been about 3.5 weeks now and I can’t believe how easy it feels. We haven’t spoken about it at all, but feel that will all be coming soon.
Worst: trying to balance heavy workload and some very nasty bills that have come in. Also potentially difficult work meeting on Friday.
OMM: should I get another lap band fill or not? Have been getting ‘stuck’ quite a bit but feel like am still able to eat too much. Thoughts from any other MM bandits would be great! Also the boy. He makes me smile…
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Great news about the boy, we like hearing this!
Really interested in your lap band, how much weight did you lose? Did you have many side effects? ANy problems?
x
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Louise,
I lost 65kgs but had a sleeve. It is a great tool to prevent over eating but sensible food choices (most of the time) and exercise is the key!
I’m lucky I had no side effects, but I was aware of the side effects possible before I made my decision. It’s not something to take lightly but neither is living with obesity IMO.
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Having the same dilemma Essie. Was too tight a couple of weeks ago, and had to have some removed (after worst 2 days in my life – and I’m almost 4 years in), but feel I’d like just a little put back in now. So tricky to find that sweet spot isn’t it. Have decided to just go up by 0.25 and see how it goes. Good Luck
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OMM: I’m really struggling with uni! I have 8 assignments and 2 exams between now and june. (yes, I know, I’m procrastinating now). But whoa, that is a LOT of work ahead of me!
Also, my partner and I went engagement ring shopping a few months ago (wee!!) but didn’t purchase (we’re not in a hurry or anything). We decided to wait until May/June sale time and see if we can save a few $$. Now, he’s quit his job. He’s trying to set up a business, which is very expensive. I assume this has put off our engagement. We’ve been together for 7 years. We’re not in a hurry but… I would like us to get married sooner rather than later! Do I still ask him if we’re going to get the engagement ring when I notice that the sales are on? (he won’t know that sales are happening). Or do I just leave it and hope to be surprised (his idea of a surprise is driving me to work if he has a day off, instead of me catching the bus).
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Strategically placed catalogues?
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The business card with all my beautiful ring’s details is tucked into the side of his cork board. I check every day to see if it’s still there! (It is).
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Talk to him. Men, actually humans, are notoriously bad mind readers and if he doesn’t surprise you, you will feel let down and he wont know why
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We talk about our wedding all the time, I just feel awkward about putting financial pressure on him when he’s struggling to get all the business start-up costs sorted.
And my ring isn’t huge or super expensive, just to be clear. My expectations are not for a ring worth a house deposit or car.
Groan. I will talk to him about it come June, and hope that he doesn’t have breakdown! lol.
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Rawr,
Maybe you should suggest a combined wedding/ engagement ring to save costs. There will be plenty of opportunities for occasional rings in the future. If getting married is the priority then maybe you need to compromise on the ring until the business Is sorted.
Just a thought.
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Ok – on my mind. Last night, my 17year old son was in the car with me. We were driving along and he was talking about how great it was that he met up with an old school friend the Saturday before (a girl). I said something along the lines of maybe you two could get together. He said nah. I said why not? she’s pretty, funny, and nice….unless of course you bat for the other team ha ha ha. He said “yes I do.”
I have said things like this to my 3 children for a long time – thinking I was funny. Thinking I was opening the lines of communication. Giving them opportunity and basically saying that ‘I am ok with it’. However.
Yes, however, when my gorgeous, talented, very smart son says ‘yes, I do’ I was gob smacked. WHAT? I was so surprised and shocked. All of these years I have been saying the ‘right thing’ and thinking I believed it. Maybe. Maybe not.
Maybe I believe it for OTHER people’s children. Maybe I think that this is a joke. That he will come home from school today and say ‘you know what I said to you in the car last night? It was a joke!’ ha ha ha
I know it is not though and I have been crying a lot today. Not sure why I am crying really. He is still the same handsome, smart, talented and creative boy/man I have loved all these years. Yet, how did I not know? What kind of mother does that make me? Unobservant?
His dad doesn’t know. I think he should tell his dad not me. I don’t know how his dad will take it in reality. I think he will be like me shocked. Unsure. But hopefully he won’t be dismissive, hard.
He has told two of his friends, one a straight male who took it very well and the other was a female friend – both happy for him to be himself.
I don’t know where to turn. I can’t talk to family members until my husband is told as I don’t think it right for family to know before him.
Yes, I am rambling. My mind is a mess at the moment. Someone, tell me where I can go to talk so I can be the mum he needs me to be.
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You’re about to embark on a pretty wild ride. Not pretending it will be easy (it wasn’t for me) but always remember your son is the same person he was a week ago. And the week before that. And so on right back to the moment you gave birth to him. Of course parents despair for what their children will go through in life, even whether they will give them grandkids … that’s only natural really … but it’s important now not only that you show you care, but that you show you care in the right kind of way.
Love him and show him that you do.
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Thank you Rick. I think that is why I have been crying. It’s about the difficulty that he will face. One of the first things I said to him (shock is my defence!!) was ‘what about my grandchildren?’ he said ‘mum, I can adopt’ Just like that. He has already thought of those things.
But, I want people to look at him for himself – not his sexuality – why can’t I? I also wonder how his younger brother (just a year younger) will react – they are not close as it is. And his sister. Probably better than I. Although, when we were in the Safeway carpark having this discussion – I think, while I was a bit incredulous, I reacted pretty well. Said a couple of things that maybe I shouldn’t have – like I don’t want you to kiss in front of me….but then I said – I wouldn’t if you were with a girl either – which is true – he did laugh at that!
I do love him. I love him so much it hurts. Sometimes he drives me insane but he is a good kid and I want only good things for him. And that is what is hard.
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You reacted like anyone would, really. I’ve written about this before (I’ve popped the link below in case it helps) but my mum said ‘was it the Ken doll I gave you when you were six’. I laughed!
Your concern is coming from the right place, it will all work out in the end … trust me!
http://www.mamamia.com.au/relationships/coming-out-of-the-closet-in-real-life-and-on-facebook/
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Ha – I did say did it have something to do with me putting you in a dress when you were 2 and taking a photo? He laughed and said ‘are you listening to yourself?’ I said – not really.
I will check out the link – thanks again
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What’s wonderful is that he had the self-confidence to tell you in such a light-hearted, unguarded moment and even have a bit of a laugh about your reaction.
It really gives me some hope that all of the ‘It Gets Better’ type campaigns have had a positive effect on young people discovering their sexuality. Back in the mid 90s when I fell in love with a girl, I was so fraught with anxiety about telling my parents, I tried to do some very stupid things to myself (fortunately unsuccessfully).
My parents reacted much better than I thought they would, though they made the same jokes about grandchildren and whether it was their ‘fault’ for things that they’d done when I was a kid.
Your son sounds really cool, brave and level headed – he’ll make a great boyfriend for a very lucky guy
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“Someone, tell me where I can go to talk so I can be the mum he needs me to be.”
You’re already the mum he needs you to be if you can say that.
Hugs to you both xo
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Good on you, for making sure your kids thought you were ok with it growing up!
And you know what, I think you still are!
It’s always a shock to think that the dreams that we have for our children are not what ends up happening. Your dreams for him are a happy and carefree life, where he can meet someone, fall in love, marry, make babies the good old fashioned way, and grow old happily.
Now, you know that his life will be a little bit harder. He will have to fight to marry the man he (eventually) loves. He will have to fight to be a father, with his partner. He will have to work that little bit harder at some things and he may not always be treated the way he deserves to be treated.
Your mixed emotions now are likely to be grief for the life and dreams you had in mind for him.
Please, be his biggest advocate. Take inspiration from Ellen de Generous’ (SPELLING!!!) mother. She, while originally being shocked, turned into her daughter’s greatest advocate.
You can do this too! Be his advocate. Fight for the right for your child to live however he feels he wants to live.
Talk to him about how to tell his dad, and be there with brave smiles when he does tell him. Be armed with some kind words like “We love you the way you are, son”.
YOU CAN DO IT! You obviously raised a boy who wants to experience his own life fully, and is willing to bravely make that happen. GOOD ON YOU!
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Kate I couldn’t agree with you more. I think this is a beautiful response.
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What she said!! Good luck. Remember its probably only the shock and surprise…he’s still him.
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You know Katie – what you said made me cry. And it is what I think too. Ellen de Generes is watched here by all of us – a very compassionate and funny person. Her mum is a great role model. Never thought of it that way.
Thank you so much for taking the time to write your thoughtful and compassionate post. I will be okay. He will be too.
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Here are some websites to have a look at, they should all have helplines attached. Get informed, then you can talk some more about it with him. Remember however difficult this is for you to handle, I’m sure it’s a lot harder for him coming out and being afraid he won’t be accepted by the people who love him. He’s exactly the same kid, all he needs is your love and support..
Best of luck!
http://www.pflagaustralia.org.au/
http://www.parentline.com.au/
http://www.lifeline.org.au/
http://www.familyrelationships.gov.au/Pages/default.aspx
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Thank you so much M – just what I needed. Before I wrote this – I actually rang Lifeline. I didn’t make much sense to the guy on the other end as I was doing the unattractive sobbing but he was pleasant and soothing – it helped a little however, I am a firm believer of finding support like in the links you have just listed. Also, once my husband knows, I will feel a whole lot better too – sharing such information makes it a little easier for me.
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No worries! You can call lifeline anytime 24/7 until you can talk to family/friends. There is also the Salvo line that does 24/7 counseling.
Good luck!
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There is a group called PFLAG (I think it stands for parents and friends of lesbian and gay people) that might be able to help you if you need someone to talk to. I heard about them years ago and assume they’re still around.
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They are the best.
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You sound like just the most awesome mum. He’s lucky to have you on his side xxx
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Well Lana, I always thought I was a pretty good, if a little too laid-back kind of mum. Seems that I am not as laid-back as I thought!
So much easier to make all the right talk when talking hypothetical – once it comes to reality – well, I am starting to find what being real is all about. All this in 24hrs. I think I need a Bex and good lie down!
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A friend of a friend was the same – thought she would be fine with it, but was devastated when two of her three children came out. She was shocked at her own reaction, decided she had to walk the talk. She’s now a proud Grandma to the kids of all 3 siblings, and an active member of PFLAG.
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Hi Surprise, I’m eighteen so I’m a similar age to your son, maybe I can give some perspective?
I think you need to not think of your son as any different and remember that he is the same wonderful child you have raised for 17 years.
Having a gay child is not something to grieve about. It is an amazing thing and you should feel proud that he feels comfortable with himself and with telling you.
I think it’s important to tell your son that if anybody has a problem with his sexuality, the fault is with them, not him. True friends and kind people do not care about a person’s sexuality, all they care about is that person’s friendship and happiness.
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Just wanted to congratulate you on raising a awesome son. So many young people have such a shocking time ‘coming out’….. honestly give yourself a big pat on the back for being the kind of mum your teenager obviously loves and respects enough to talk to you about it. It is normal to feel a bit shocked and overwhelmed but I am glad you are not going to go through him keeping it to himself and therefore being shut out of a very important part of his life.
Good luck!
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Don’t stress about your reaction, you’ve got enough things on your mind already without second-guessing yourself. Perhaps your tears are grief for the life you imagined he would have, the wife and children and picket fence? He can still have most of that – a loving partner (gay marriage hopefully not far away), a dog, a picket fence, and children (maybe adopted, maybe via a surrogate or a lesbian couple). Give PFLAG a ring, they’ve all been there done that.
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Sparkle, my family was in the exact same position to you almost 2 years ago now (wow that time went fast). My brother came out at 15 (I was 18) and it was a huge surprise, even though in hindsight it’s not that shocking. It was just unexpected and I suppose even more so because he was so young. We were upset, not because he was gay, but because as crazy as it is, being gay still makes things more difficult for people. I’m sure your feelings are along the same lines, but I remember being so concerned because he still had so long to go in school and clearly wasn’t coping well with it all and I think Mum was really just mourning a lot of things she expected for him, like marriage and grandchildren. BUT, hopefully one day he will be able to get married, and have lots of babies so I can be a crazy aunt! It’s a hard time for everyone, especially when the law hasn’t quite caught up to most of our views on gay marriage. It was so hard to try and convince my darling, gorgeous brother, who was really still a child, that he was equal, when in reality he isn’t. That’s what sucks most. But remember, you have done an AWESOME job with your son. Mum had an epiphany a few weeks later in the GPs office reading an article about a gay man who had married and started a family, and finally came out years later, and I remember she came home and said how happy she was my brother was able to come out now and how much better and more fulfilled his life would be as opposed to living a lie. Your son is obviously well supported and I’m sure, an amazing boy. You’ve done a good job and don’t be too hard on yourself. XXX
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I think it’s perfectly normal and acceptable to be way thrown by this bit of news. It’s ok to be sad for a while – the boy you thought you had and the future you imagined for him is gone. It’s ok to mourn that boy and that future, which i think is what you are doing. Maybr try and remember that he is still yr baby boy, he still loves you and needs you, and he really needs to know that nothing has changed for you (even if maybe it has).
I would tell his dad so he’s prepared, but you know your husband best.
God be with you and your family.
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All the Table Tonic goodness in these photos is almost as beautiful as the babies!
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Nicky – Amelia looks so much like you!! Gorgeous.
Bec – Fin, just delightful and you look amazing (especially for this no sleep business)!!
I don’t have children as yet but anything that can help parents feel slightly more under control is a winner with me. Well done Mamamia.
OMM: babies and pregnancy – apparently all the cool kids are doing it – friends and friends of friends and everyone in-between. Really happy for everyone who is happy. For those that are not quite there this week… maybe next week is your week.
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Kates
You win comment of the day because of your last few sentences. What a lovely thing to say to everyone who is trying to get pregnant. xxxx
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Thanks Bec. I often think about it especially as a few friends said how difficult it was when they were trying and everyone else seemed to be there.
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ooooh Ameila and Fin! what beautiful precious ones they are!!! making me go all clucky!!! haha spesh Amelia with her gorgeous chubbyness!! beautiful!
Bec you look stunning!!
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Thanks Mimi xo
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I feel a touch uncomfortable with this post. It feels altogether too much like advertising, endorsing… I don’t know, it feels very commercial. Like the internet version of an infomercial.
I prefer the Open Posts when they are a happy, light-hearted peep into everything that has been going on at Mamamia HQ, not when they are an endorsement for a commercial product you are trying to sell.
I would have felt a LOT happier with this post if it had given us a peek into the process or writing and developing an eBook, which I think a lot of people would find interesting.
Your baby is so beautiful Bec and you look so happy.
xx
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Hi Poppet!
Love that name (it’s what I call Ava sometimes!)
Mamamia Publishing is a new division of Mamamia (headed up by Mia and myself — so fun!) … So you can expect to read posts about our e-books whenever we release them into the wild.
I promise not to hold Open Post hostage every week though!
And thanks for your lovely comment about Fin. I am the happiest I have been in my life. xxxxxx
PS EXCELLENT idea about us doing a post on writing books (including ebooks) and the process. Leave that with me. xxx
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Hi Bec
I would also be very interested in the process of E publishing. What lead you to get involved, the process of writing on behalf of a technical expert and bringing her words to life, the IT infrasturture that facilitates the process, the copyright issues, the marketing plan beyond this website, future titles and topics you have planned, etc….
I think you and Mia are very brave to start a new business in this space – I know it is very hard to make money from authoring or publishing. Congratulations to all
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Hi Lil
I could talk your ear off about life as a writer/author. Both Mia and I have become very disillusioned with traditional publishing (we’ve published about 7 books between us). I still love my traditional publisher (UQP) very much but it’s becoming increasingly difficult to make a living. With book stores disappearing and new tittles given an even shorter space of time to sell (if you don’t sell copies in a few weeks, the stores just send them back … so you have 2-3 weeks to ‘prove’ yourself otherwise you’re dead in the water). E-books just seemed the way to go. Particularly for the types of things we want to do with Mamamia. What we know is that we have a massive community of smart, engaged women who love books!
Anyway … I’ll look at perhaps putting together a post. I could also go to a few of my writer friends (Kate Morton, Kim Wilkins, Louise Limerick, Allison Rushby, John Birmingham and our own Kate Hunter etc) and get them to pass on their best ever tips for getting a book written (for anyone out there who is a budding writer).
Then I could cover traditional publishers, self-publishing and e-publishing if you’re interested????
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Thanks Bec.
I would love to hear more about the issues confronting writers and the changing face of the publishing industry.
BTW – Fin is divine – enjoy!
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I am 43 and have decided that I want a baby. I am having a fling with my boss at work and think that I might take myself off the pill and see what happens. He is married with a family, but this time in my life I have to think of myself. I want a child and I want his…
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WHOA! That is big. Are you sure that is the right thing to do- I mean, surely you have to think of your boss too?
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And would you expect your boss to provide for said baby???….even though you got pregnant in a hugely deceptive way.
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No sorry but I think you should think of his wife and family
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Oh Anon, what will you tell that child one day? If you want a baby, that’s great. But this man isn’t yours.
Go to a sperm bank, ask a friend to donate, do anything but become “that” woman. I am sure you are way better than that.
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That’s a terrible thing to do. Terrible. Seriously makes my skin crawl that there are people out there who think it’s a bright idea to get pregnant like this.. Karma will bite you on the ass for this if you go through with it.
This (and STD’s) is the reason I always lecture my little brother about ALWAYS using a condom.. you can’t trust another person with something as huge as the risk of pregnancy.
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I wonder if he’ll have as much dedication to your child as he has to his wife? I wouldn’t want my child to inherit someone’s selfishness and disrespect. I’d rather wait to find someone who is going to help me model a loving, caring, respectful relationship to my child.
Or go to a sperm bank and have a baby alone.
It’s not right to decide for someone else that they are going to have a baby. Think of his wife! Think of how you would feel had you been his wife, and he was fooling around behind your back. In order to make yourself feel better and wanted by a child, you are ruining his life, his wife’s life, his other children’s lives. Nice.
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For all those having a go, there is reasons for my madness… There are no blokes around, man drought, we women have to take advantage of the married ones that hit onto us, Secondly he is established and could afford to help me out. Thirdly he is gorgeous, and finally I dont know his wife so she does not come into my thought process.
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ummmm…no. No you do not ‘take advantage’ of the married ones who hit onto you….that’s so low and immoral, I don’t know where to start.
And also, I don’t think that just because he is ‘established and could afford to help you out’- that he should have to because you plan on doing this without telling him!!!
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Getting involved with a married man is wrong no matter which way you try and sugar coat it.
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Agreed.
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And what a lovely story you will have to tell this poor child about how they came to be…
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If you were at my dinner party I’d kick you out.
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You comment sounds trolly to me. Are you sure you aren’t a bloke having a laugh?
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Yes very trolly.
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Also everyone – hold up – what about him?! He’s the one being unfaithful to his wife, not her. And we don’t know why.
I reckon go for it.
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“we women have to take advantage of the married ones that hit onto us”.
Hmmmm….. I wonder if that’s what my ex husband’s 21 year old mistress thought at the time?? She didn’t know me either, but knew that i was 6 months pregnant with our 4th child. I’m not sure that she stopped to think about her own partner and her own 2 children.
wake up to yourself and think about his wife and children. My life has beena nightmare the past 3 years while I have dealt with the fallout of his infidelity. 3 years later I have spent over $70k on legal fees to try and sort out the mess that was left behind. I’m sure my 9, 5 and 3 year olds wish that he (and her) had given it some thought before they destroyed our family.
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Sounds so terrible what you’ve been through. But what about your ex? Why do women always blame the other woman so much and not the man. At 21 she was extremely young and silly and yes she shouldn’t have done it. But you should be focusing on your ex, not her. What the hell was he doing messing around with such a young woman?! Maybe she did you a favour.
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please don’t try and engage the “sisterhood” in this instance by saying “we woman have to take advantage”. actually, no we do not.
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You clearly have incredibly low self-esteem. I feel sorry for you.
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I think maybe you need to try to put yourself in his and his wife’s shoes. It’s not fair to anyone to make such a big decision unilaterally. And the fact that he has financial means is irrelevant. Is he emotionally able to give to a child? Because that would be unfair to everyone, most of all the child.
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Please don’t. How would you feel if someone deceived you in such a way? A child deserves better, your boss deserves better, his family deserves better and ultimately you deserve better. I can’t help feeling that this is definitely not the way to go about it. You may be frustrated with the situation but talk to him about it. Take a stand…honestly.
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Horrible, absolutely horrible! I hate to judge people here but this is one of the most disgusting things I have read in a long time. How does someone like this sleep at night?
On a side note, here is a lesson for any men reading this – always use a condom! I’m sure you could trust most women when they tell you they are on the pill but it’s ones like this that give us all a bad name.
Oh, and who are these people who are giving her comment a thumbs up?
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I’m sorry, I feel for you as time is running out for you in the baby department. But for the love of God, a man you know who is married with children. Thats disgusting. I hope you dont get pregnant.
I dont know how any woman can do this to a ‘sister’. Sickening.
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I hope he has had the snip, and to be honest at 43 you are too old.
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She is NOT too old at 43, what a ridiculous comment on a womans age and pregnancy.
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OMM: still stressing about going into hospital to have Nugget in about 14-16 weeks. The midwife has told me they won’t let me go home until Nugget is feeding properly and they are happy with his/her attachment. The midwives were not happy with my last baby’s attachment and I was super stressed and they forced me to give him formula and would manhandle him and me and it was dreadful. This time I just want to have the baby and, if we’re both ok, go home asap. Basically the midwives aren’t a fan of my plan. I feel disempowered. I want to bring my baby home into a calm home environment where I can relax. Am I being unreasonable?
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Not unreasonable at all, although I do appreciate where the midwives are coming from. Even though it’s nice to have everything on tap in the hospital, it’s so much easier to relax and get to know your bub at home. Provided you are both healthy and your bub is getting milk.
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Always remember that your medical care is about you – and you have the power to make decisions. All the medical staff can do is advise you. Be aware of any risk factors, but stand strong and do what feels right for you. I had to listen to a 15 minute lecture from my OB last appt about getting a flu shot, she highly recommended it, however I don’t have to have it, and am choosing not to. The OB wasn’t super happy, but it isn’t her decision.
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Can you try to get ahold of the hospital lactation consultant? If you can get the lactation consultant onside they could probably help with the midwives. Maybe explain that you think you would have more chance of feeding successfully in your own home where you would feel more relaxed.
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You are not being unreasonable at all I felt the same way as you after having my first born. It was a c-section after 40hrs of labour and being rushed into an emergency c-section I didn’t have the energy to be able to feed my daughter and also my milk didn’t come in and it never did I didn’t get one drop of milk for both pregnancy I later found out my grandmother had the same problem for all four of her pregnancies as well. But didn’t I get a hard time from the midwives what they put me through still haunts me today i can’t even look at my daughters baby photos without crying because I had felt like I starved her. I think you thinking the right thing by wanting to go home when you and your baby are ready. No one else should look down on you or judge you if your baby isn’t “latching on” and if you feel the need to put your baby on formula that is your choice as the mother.
I can tell you now both my children who are only 11 months apart had to be formula fed from birth and they are the healthiest toddlers I know. Please don’t feel disempowered, you sound like you are a very empowering person and mother because you are wanting to take control and do what’s best for you and your baby “your way”
I wish you all the luck with your pregnancy and hospital stay do what you feel is best
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I know you’ve posted about this before – please try not to worry about it. Or, put things in place now to try and change what happened before.
With Miss C she had terrible latch issues, all sorts of problems. Cracked on the first feed (admittedly I was unconcsious so not sure how it all happened). Weeks of pain.
Master A – latched on straight away (in recovery after c/s) and every feed thereafter.
Every birth is different, every baby is different. Do some reading now on attachment so YOU feel empowered about the feeding process and can direct the midwives. Know what feels right for you and how to go about doing it.
The ultimately, leaving hospital is up to you too. You might find if you can get one or two feeds in with no issues then they will let you home anyway asap (because that is the norm now) OR ask for a dischage with a midwife program so that they come to you at home.
Hugs to you. It WILL work out ok, just make some plans and don’t let this one issue rule those first precious days.
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Can i suggest joining the Australian Breastfeeing Association now? They can help you plan how you’re going to feed and also advocate for you in hospital. Good luck!
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Just came back from lunch with a friend. I love her to bits … but didn’t like that she was on at me about having babies and and an investment property.
I’m 28 and although I have a good job, it’s only a contract. I have no intent on getting a loan given that I mighn’t have another job to go to straight after this one. And she’s telling me I’m getting old and should start having kids soon.
Arrrggghhhh…I’m happy with my life. Why can’t other people be happy for me too!
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my older cousin is always at me for having a kid, “when are you having a baby?” um. not for a while. im engaged, work fulltime in child care, study part time at tafe and support the fiance whilst his studies. im loving the free time i can get. and working in child care, i have no intention of having a baby any time soon.
people need to live their own life, and not put pressure on other people.
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Nawwwww such delicious cherubs!
Bec – you look Ah-may-zing!
Happiest I’ve been in a while, this week. Finally, finally called it a day last week with ultimately not-so-funny guy after another epic mantrum. Woke up the next morning with the words ‘hole in your soul’ resonating in my head. Made me realise the hole in his soul was bigger than anything else.
This week decided to quit choir – fed up with doing the same old songs. On the upside – the swing band I sing in are working on a whole bunch of new songs, which is making me uber happy.
Am home today with my youngest cherub and her chest infection. We are still in our jim jams, the pooch has barely left our side, and I’m even happy to do housework. Oh and I baked like a demon on the weekend!
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Mantrum! Stealing it. Hope you’re doing well x
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Thanks HM. Now … what did you bake???? I love baking! (Am not that great but I enjoy it. I’d really like to know how to make/bake an apple pie …)
PS I would love to be in an adult choir.
xxxx
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Cupcakes, iced bickies and although not strictly baking – I made toffee apples and fresh lemonade for the school homemade stall.
PS – The choir is cheaper than therapy! ;P
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i’ve always wanted to make a lemon meringue pie…
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Love the baby photos – my ovaries cant handle another flick through the cuteness!
OMM this week is dress shopping.
Il keep it simple but im in DESPERATE need of a cute but appropriate dress for a party. I want it to be a show-stopper, but there will be family there who might not appreciate too much bare flesh.
Any ideas/thoughts would be 10000% appreciated.
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Cait, I love Sacha Drake dresses! So there’s a place to start! http://www.sachadrake.com.au/
Good luck!
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How did I not know about this site?! Fabulous! Thanks
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Review have $100 off dresses at the moment, there are some beautiful new styles!
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Oh really? I love Review, they have such nice stuff. Thanks for letting me know!
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OMM: Preparing for my first frozen embryo transfer, FINALLY, after a series of setbacks. I’m told we have a 1 in 3 chance of success and we have 4 potential little people on ice so hopefully we’ll get there soon.
But it’s excitement rather than anxiety, for a change. I’m feeling relaxed and happy with life in general and definitely feeling very fortunate and grateful for all the good things already there. Scaling my life back from what it was last year has really helped me so much and I’m hoping it’ll have positive knock-on effects for my body.
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Am sending you every good thought and wish, Neola. xxxx
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Good luck, thinking of you. Miss C is my little frozen popsicle miracle
on a stimulate FET. Sending sticky baby dust your way
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Thanks Bec and Oopsy. Yesterday’s zen attitude has been somewhat overturned now that one of my (many) docs wants me to wait a few more months and go back on my drugs. NO!
He didn’t even see me personally at the appointment and check my condition himself to see me to tell me of this sudden change in opinion – which is the exact opposite of what he told me last time I saw him.
So I’m going to go for it with hope in my heart next week. I hate being that person who goes against doctor’s orders (honestly, I’m normally a very good patient!). But right now, I feel like I know my condition and my current state well enough to make an informed choice.
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My week has been pretty crap.
My youngest is 13 months old and is going through daycare illness phase. Colds / snotty / miserable.
My husband has had to go interstate for work. He’s been gone almost 3 weeks and I’m not coping too well.
I feel like such a downer…. and my desktop computer died, have 2 do all my interneting on my phone
Hopefully second half of the week will be better.
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Hang in there. I’ve been told Friday helps improve weeks by an estimated 99%
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Hang in there, chick. Be kind to yourself x
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Dilemma.
A very close friend of mine kissed this guy about a year ago. She has liked him since then. He started dating another girl. He broke up with the other girl a few months ago, upon which time he got in touch with my friend for a coffee but, to her disappointment it never went anywhere. He was in touch but not actually asking her out, which was really frustrating her (very much “he’s just not that into you” territory). She showed me some of his texts and I was very strident in saying that she deserved better (and could do better), he was being a tosser and the right guy would chase her. I didn’t know the guy so based my comments purely on the text messages. I’m a pretty strong believer that the right guy will chase you because you are worth it, whoever you are.
Anyway … fast forward to 3 weeks ago. We were out and ran into him. We spoke to him for about 5 minutes at the bar and loosely agreed to all do coffee together at some stage. The next morning he contacted my friend only to ask for my number and then contacted me to ask me out. I said no initially but agreed to a casual work day BYO lunch (ie NOT a date!). Since then he’s been in touch a lot. It’s flattering and he does seem like a nice guy (which is kind of unsurprising in the sense that my friend has good taste). But when I told my friend I’d met him for lunch she got really upset with me (she pretending she was joking, but we both knew she wasn’t). She then said things like “That’s exactly how it started with me” and “He’s just messing you around like he did with me”. Only he doesn’t seem to be. He’s doing everything a guy who is truly and honestly interested in you does. I have responded politely to text messages but have declined offers to meet up since. He has persisted with friendly “How are you?” style texts so I feel it’s hard to shut down – I don’t want to be rude or cause an issue, and quite obviously I’m not sure I want to. I don’t want to betray my friend by explaining to him why it’s not possible for me to go out with him.
I’m not sure if I like LIKE this guy but I think I might/could. I really love and care about my friend. She is fun and kind and loyal and just generally all those things that friends should be. I know that this guy is giving me the attention that she wishes he gave to her. I don’t know if I can keep the friendship and explore a relationship with this guy.
What should I do?
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I think if you really love your friend you should stay away from him.
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She obviously likes him and it’s obviously really hurtful to her that a) he doesn’t like her back, b) he seems to like you instead and c) that you’re entertaining the idea of dating him.
Also.. he is aware that she likes him and yet he’s been insensitive enough to ask her for your number. Doesn’t sound like a keeper to me.
If I were you I would just tell him your not interested/not available and then move on and ignore his texts. Then take your friend out for a hot chocolate. Friends come first. It’s the honorable thing to do.. don’t screw over your friends by seeing the guy they like, it’s mean!
How would you feel if she did that to you? Especially if you’re not even sure you like him, that’s not worth throwing a friendship away for.
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Hmmm, this is a tough one. I would talk to your friend first and ask her how she feels. I would hate to lose a friend for what could be a fleeting relationship.
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For a bit of perspective, that story is almost identical to how my fiance and I got together – except our story was a little bit more days of our lives.
Do what feels right for you. Your friend will get over it if you decide to date him. She knows there is/was no real chemistry, and a good friend wont hold a grudge over something like that if this guy genuinely is good to you.
Im saying this because I have both been the friend, and been in your position. Both times it worked out fine. Growing up in a tight-knit area it was inevitable.
Follow your gut feeling- because a good friend will still be there to pick you up if you fall, and support you if you dont.
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Omg Cait ! I KNEW we had nothing in common. After your post the other day about possibly wanting to go back in time and sell your virginity and most women losing it to strangers…now to discovering your fiance is someone one of your friends used to like etc! Different worlds.
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How terribly rude of you! Im genuinely glad we have nothing in common – you judge people you dont know.
For the record (not that its your business) my Fiance was childhood friends with my school friend. She was ENGAGED and about to be wed when she told him that she wanted to leave her man, for him. He backed away, and they remained friends – which is when I met him a year later.
Her and I are still close, and they are still friends – and she is still with the man she planned to marry.
Different worlds – but I would prefer my judgment-free one, based on morals rather than misconceptions.
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I’m thrown, why are you so angry at Elle? When did Elle judge people? I thought she was being nice in her post to you?????
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Oh I think I misread this… message, not enough coffee today….
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dont let a guy come between your relationship with your friend its not worth it – there will be others out there for you and your friend just not the same guy!
you need to be blunt and just cut him off completly dont answer his text or anything so he might get the hint…hopefully that helps you good luck!
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Thanks everyone. It’s definitely a sticky situation. I appreciate the objective feedback which overall (well, aside from Cait which highlights exactly my hesitation!) seems to support what I have done already which is politely decline and avoid.
Just to clarify for M, I don’t know that he is aware she likes him to be honest. I’ve tried to be really sensitive about how she feels (I have raised it only to ensure I am being honest with her because that’s always been the basis of our 15 year friendship). I have been in her shoes before and am very much in the camp “I’m not interested in chasing someone who is not interested in me” so although I’d be disappointed I would never expect a friend to not take up an opportunity because of me. But my friend sees this situation differently so I think I have to respect that.
One further question – how do I extricate myself without making it awkward. I just want to avoid drama. I will see this guy out and about. It feels rude to just start ignoring texts, but he’s not actually asking me out in the texts now, just saying “Just thought I’d say hi, how’s your week going?”. It seems a bit presumptuous to go back to that saying “Sorry – I’m just not interested”. Doesn’t it?
This is killing me… I hate having drama in my life and pride myself on being respectful to people and a good friend. I feel awful about this whole thing.
Thanks again.
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I apologise if i made you hesitate – it wasnt my intention. I was just trying to put out there that sometimes things like this happen, and it shouldnt be a big deal between friends. Sometimes things work out, other times they dont.
A friend who resents you over a man, isnt a real friend. Nor is a person a real friend who claims a man who they dated once-a-while-ago-and-it-didnt-work-out is off the market for you by association.
Go with your gut, its all you can do
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Agree! Friends are lovely But shouldn’t have a hold over your heart. He could b ur soul mate.
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On the other hand, I believe a real friend doesn’t touch or go near any of their friend’s past flings/boyfriends/crushes! It is just basic respect. There are billions of people in the world..and I would never want to be with someone my friend used to be with or liked anyway. True friends are rare…men come and go.
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Yes, there’s a (not very nice) name for it… slops.
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Just be a bit more subtle like wait for hours or even the next day before replying without explanation and don’t return his questions (i.e. just say “oh hey yeah good thanks pretty busy tho!”.) That will make it clear that you’re not interested without being overtly rude. If he doesn’t get the hint and asks you out, then is your chance to politely decline.
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Well I’d say if they’ve previously kissed and had coffee he must have a vague idea that she does, right? But who knows.
If I liked someone for a whole year and they rejected me then my friend who knew all of that started dating them, I’d be pretty hurt. But maybe have another chat with her about it? Maybe you do like him, if you didn’t this wouldn’t be so stressful for you? But I think unless you are CRAZY about him, then it’s not worth the pain it would cause your friend.
Just ignore his texts. Or if you must reply just say ‘good thanks’ but don’t ask anything back.
It doesn’t have to be a drama, just be polite but not flirty or encouraging towards him and he won’t pursue it. And if he does ask you out just say ‘sorry I think you’re great but I’m not interested’. You don’t have to mention your friend at all, and it shouldn’t be awkward if you do it nicely.
Anyway just trust your gut and do what you feel is right, deep down I’m sure you know what you want to do already. Good luck!
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Come on! There is no drama. Everyone knows that your friends crushes/exes are a no-go zone!
I feel like you just love the attention. I also think you are not as respectful and as good of a friend as you think you are! If you were you wouldn’t have replied to his texts, gone to lunch or even considered dating him! I don’t understand why you care so much if this guy thinks you are rude or not? You seem to care more about his feelings than your friends!!
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This isn’t drama! This is a minor issue. Sorry but it’s really so simple, just tell him you’re not feeling it for him..or just say you’re only interested in being friends with him, there’s no connection… Don’t make it out to be such a big deal when it so isn’t.
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Anonfortoday, i am sorry some people are beinng so bitchy to you. You dowhat you think is right.
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There are thousands of men around that you could be interested in! It’s not the right thing to do, you know your friend likes him.
Find your own guy.
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My friends ALWAYS come first over any potential dates. I am surprised you are even entertaining the idea of seeing him! Also shocked you had lunch with him knowing she has strong feelings for him. Of course it would be incredibly hurtful to your friend and is just not something you do! I know I am being really blunt but all you have written & even asking what you should do makes me feel like your friend would be better off without you !
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OMM: My son was born via IVF. He is now 4 and hubby and I really want another baby. We did one round of IVF last year, however the embryo did not survive thawing.
It is so expensive and each time we get ahead with cash we seem to take two steps back (broken windscreen etc).
My parents offered a while ago to pay for some IVF but we declined the offer.
I’m about to turn 36 and feel if we just keep saving we will never get there or I will get too old.
My husband does not want to take my parents money as he feels he should be able to pay etc. I understand this, but my parents are retired and have enough now. More than happy to pay them back.
How do I convince him?
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Maybe tell him the sooner you do it the better the chances, and show him a sold week to week plan of how you will pay your parents back so it seems like a definite loan rather than a handout.
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Good advice from M, look at it as a loan from your parents. You probably need to have a really honest deep discussion with your husband about this. It would be a shame that his pride re accepting money from your parents got in the way of your mutual desire to have another baby. A short term loan against a lifetime of regret for not giving IVF another go and potentially having more children?
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My husband’s parents “gifted” us some money for an IVF cycle (which was ultimately unsuccessful (but the next one was). We have a strained relationship with them, but we still took the money as that desire for a baby outweighed our pride in not taking money. If that makes sense. It was alot of money but it still didn’t cover the cycle by any means, just made it a bit easier.
Not sure that helps at all, just letting you know you aren’t alone. It is a hard detcision. Personally I couldn’t not do everything to try for that one more time and we were lucky (although that last time would have been the last time).
Gosh not sure any of that makes sense!
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Please pardon my ignorance, Clare, but how much does IVF cost? I’ve always wondered.
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Just thouht I’d respond – it varies from clinic to clinic. Most make you pay upfront. My last cycle was nearly $8000. Then there was the anaesthetist, specialist fees, drugs (sometimes included, sometiems not), day theatre stays etc. Medicare have capped what they refund to about $4600 so generally you are out of pocket quite a bit.
And then a Frozen embryo transfer is different, usually about $2000 (because they are just trasnsferring an already collected embryo).
We did a total of 4 fresh, and 4 frozen transfers to have our two children. Up front we paid around $45,000 but was out of pocket around $10,000 for each child. Which isn’t too bad really for two little miracles
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Thank you for your response. I honestly had no idea how much it cost. I’m really glad it worked out for you.
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Thanks. I genuinely believe in talking about all aspects of IVF. I find most people simply don’t understand what is involved in so many parts of the process so I’m always happy to talk about it.
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OMM: I’m ready to move out i think. My cousin and grandma arrived from Chile last week and I just feel claustrophobic with the amount of people in my house. I’ve basically been banished to my sister’s or boyfriend’s place and don’t feel like I have my own space anymore. So I think I’m ready to move out (my relos arriving isn’t the only reason). Only issue is that I really don’t want to rent but I think my partner and I have enough of a deposit to get a loan of about $500,000 (based on very loose calculations).
BUT, I think i’m going to hold off for another year to get even more savings.
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REnting is horrible and waste of money. Far better to buy your own place even if it’s tiny & run down. You’ll own it and can make improvements.
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i love renting. yes, even though its not OUR home, its cheap/affordable/very homey/ and we can save a lot more money than if we had a mortage for holidays, our wedding, etc.
each to their own i suppose….
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Interest repayments are also a waste of money.
Many economists agree that renting and then saving the difference between rent and mortgage repayments is the best strategy when it comes to making money off property.
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But with renting you’re at the mercy of a real estate agent Y& most of them are nightmares or at the best useless. You can’t make any changes to the property and can be given one months notice to leave when your lease has expired. I’d much much rather be paying off my own property than someone elses.
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Hi all, I need some help! I’ve been saving up to buy myself an Hermes enamel bracelet – it’s a celebration of a big project at work, and turning 32! i can’t decide which coloujr to buy (I know i want a bigger style). This is the biggest first world problem EVER, but I’ve saved for 4 years, and I really want to make sure I pick something that I’ll love forever, but I have choice anxiety! I think it’ll be either white or black, but i don’t know.
has anyone bought one? What did they prefer?
oh and must comment on how cute the babies are, and how pretty the house you are in is! it looks so bright & yummy.
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would you be getting gold or silver?
i think black with silver would look great but so would white with silver. Both colours look really good either way.
Black would probably be more versitile but more subtle whereas white may not be used with everything but will be more noticeable.
Good luck with your choice!!
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I have the white one with silver and I love love love it. There’s been a bit of a white thing going on over the last couple of years which might pass though…but then I think the black will show more scratches, marks, dust etc and I’d be endlessly wanting to polish it. Yep, major FWP! Enjoy whatever you choose.
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I’ve got the brown one with silver and I love love it and it goes with everything. Out of black and white I think I’d go black. How exciting! X
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Mine is white & gold and I absolutely love it. My boyfriend gave it to me for Christmas:)
My girlfriend has the black & gold one and it’s equally gorgeous. I also think the baby pink or blue with silver is amazing.
Good luck with the decision X
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I got my sister the smaller bracelet in gold and green. Very pretty.
I always have this battle with expensive/investment shopping. It’s a struggle between ‘if I’m spending all this money should I make it a statement ‘wow’ piece or should it be a classic all-time thing’.
I had a colour in mind for my sister but when I went in store and tried a few on I changed my mind. Go in and see what suits your skin and just see which ones catch your eye.
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I have the gold and orange H enamel click bracelet, which is bigger than the thin bangle type ones. I chose orange as it is Hermes’s signature colour, and gold because it is so vibrant and it goes with the orange. I normally wear silver, and never orange, but for me it totally worked. Being gold and orange it really stands out when I wear it and I get so many wow comments.
It was around $750 I think. 3 years on I still love it to bits.
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Love these photos!
I do feel sorry for Miki though, she gets featured what feels like every week with the same caption that she hates having her photo taken?
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That’s because every week she fights me! She’s slowly coming around, however
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If she really doesn’t like it, why don’t you just leave her alone? Not everyone likes being in the spotlight.
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OMM: Finding a gym/health classes for boxing and yoga that is near me or my work in Perth, so I can de-stress!
There are too many options, and with a new mortgage I dont want to spend too much.
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Maggie, I’m in Perth too. What area are you in? I might be able to suggest some options…
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HI Bunny,
I work in the CBD, so that’s one option, my other would be around me, in the Canning Vale area.
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My experience has been that council-run gyms are cheaper than the commercial ones. That said, I used a free two-week pass to Anytime Fitness in Thornlie and that was good because it’s 24 hours. It’s just a gym, though, no classes. They have one in Canning Vale.
Pure Fitness (I think on Amherst Road) was handing out free passes a few weeks ago when I was at Livingston Marketplace, and the guy was telling me they do offer group fitness classes. Look up purefitnesswa.com.au
Which way do you go home after work? I’m in Vic Park and a member of the council gym, which gives you access to two gyms (Leisurelife and Aqualife) and a pool plus a heap of group fitness classes.
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Thanks for that! I take the train to Cockburn Station and drive from there, so Pure Fitness looks like an option.
I will look into it all
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heh heh heh Cockburn Station?
heh heh heh
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Yeah I know…..it’s pronounced co-burn.
I get the giggles from a lot of my eastern state friends :p
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ohhh co-burn. That’s less fun. Still.. excellent name. Sooo many jokes to be made. heh heh.
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Ahh cockburn. I use this station too, and every day I wonder “where else in the english language is there a silent ‘ck’?
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Maggie – THere was a deal on scoopon or living social yesterday for unlimited classes/yoga/boxing at CBD gym in the city for omething like $19 for 2 weeks. You could give something like that a try and see if it works for you?
Bunny – Small world, I’m in lathlain and go to Aqualife quite regularly!!
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Oh! Amelia and Finn! Too cute!
Lucy, I adore the skirt you are wearing in several of the pics. Any chance of sharing where its from?
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Skirt is from Gorman
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Cute photos! Just what I needed while trying to write a magazine article with a sick baby sitting on my lap grabbing my fingers while I type! Distraction is the name of the game today, unless my editor rings me
On the good side, the distraction has helped me figure out where to find some information. So yah, back to another discussion on human observation and myths in horse racing… (www.dekabat.com)
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I know it’s a bit weird to talk to myself/respond to myself. But I’ve spent all morning hunting down information on an obscure horse, and it has resulted in the BEST interview. Now my stock standard article is going to be awesome.
It’s given me nice happy thoughts to get me through tonight (4 sick kids and dinner is never fun).
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Bec, I know people have already said this, but you are looking 15 years younger since you had Fin! You should say it’s due to Elizabeth’s sleep techniques to promote the book
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LOL! You know Mia said to me in Sydney it’s like all this stress just evaporated from my face when Fin was born. He is just magic. xxxx
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Bec – I know that feeling all too well.When my 2nd son was born 21 months after my son was stillborn its like the sun started shining again after months and months of dark clouds and rain…
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So true, Tania. Fin has arrived and brought all this extra joy with him. But I still worry that people think that I’m “over” losing Georgie. Like somehow Fin has made everything okay. And – as you know – that’s just not how it works. I had a cry about Georgie just yesterday. And just now when I picked Ava up from kindy, another mother looked at Fin and said to me “Is he your second?” And I said, “No he’s my third” And then I worried that she would ask me about where my second baby was.
I feel like I am constantly walking on a tightrope. And I guess it will feel like this for the rest of my life. xxxx
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Its very brave of you to be so honest. I wondered above when you said you are the happiest you’ve ever been in your life how it would be possible to be happy after suffering such loss. But I suppose happiness and sadness can co-exist?
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Love it!
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Gorgeous photos of the mums and bubs. Thanks for sharing guys. xx
Also, would love to know where you got that big puffy coloured thingy on the wall. I want one for my lounge room
OMM: I am now divorced! Finally got to the courts and it is all over and done with now.
Paperwork sorted. Now all I’ve got to concentrate on is the major move we’re undertaking to a new area of Melbourne, 1 1/2 hrs away. I’m full of anticipation and optimism as we approach this new adventure. My 4 year old son is enthusiastic, but I don’t think it has quite sunk in that he won’t be able to see his daycare friends quite as much…. hope he’s not too traumatised.
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Maz, it’s a juju hat (apparently) … from Table Tonic. http://www.tabletonic.com.au/categories/Juju-Hats/
They’re just beautiful!
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Thanks Bec
Much appreciated.
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Aaaaaaaw what cutie pies! Nikki and Bec you make beautiful bubs! xx
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Thanks ameliastclair – and nice name!
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Thanks! I loved when you picked Amelia for your daughter! Gooood choice
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Amelia
I love your name. It sounds like the name of a character in a book!
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Thanks! Amelia St. Clair gave me grief as a kid but I’ve grown into it
my brother is Strathallan John Gunn (my parents were a bit enthusiastic in the naming department – I think I was the favourite child hahaha)
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