Paula Joye stopped by MM HQ.
By LUCY ORMONDE
I like to start my open posts by telling you all to pop the kettle on, make yourself a cuppa and get comfy.
Because that’s exactly what I’m doing as I write this.
If you’ve never read an open post at Mamamia before – welcome. And if you’re one of our regulars – you know the drill.
This is our one post of the week where we do away with a theme and open up for comments and general conversation. You can talk about… anything you like. It might be who you’ve met (we love those!), where you’ve been or where you’re going, what you’ve be watching. ANYTHING. You can also ask questions of the MM Team or make suggestions. We love that.
It’s also the time where we give you a bit of an insight into what’s been happening at MM HQ.This week we’ve all become a little obsessed with Instagram – so you’ll notice a bit of a theme. We each have our own account but we’ve been getting particularly snap happy with the @mamamiaaus account. Are you following? Hope so.
Mia's arm is having a party.
As for what’s on my mind (OMM), I’m looking at the date – June 27 – and wondering where the first half of the year went. Seriously. We’re half way through the year?! I swear it was only a couple of weeks ago we were all singing Christmas carols, right? But since it was the shortest day of the year this week, I figure we’re on the home stretch towards summer.
I’ve also got Melbourne on my mind – as I always do. I feel like I’m in a long distance relationship with that city but I’m thinking it might be time to cut ties. Or at least go on an extended break. Being in one place and having your people in another is so hard. Really hard.
But the more I go back, the less chance I give myself to create a life in the city I’m in.
So I’m hopping on a plane tomorrow night for one last weekend hit and then… (gulp) I’m going to try and embrace my new home.
That’s probably enough from me…. Now it’s your turn – what’s on your mind?
Comments
486 Comments so far
Is anyone else finding it almost impossible to keep a part-time job in the corporate world? I have never come across so many abusive and aggressive employers as I have since my return to work about 2 years ago. Before having children I held fairly senior roles in business and I always made a point of treating all my staff with respect and patience. After such a long break I have had to take a step down the corporate ladder – which I don’t have a problem with . However, to date I can’t seem to find a position where I am happy or that is really offering a true work/life balance. It seems that everyone if happy to pay the part time salary but expects you to complete a full time work load. Even though they all say they are fine with the whole family work balance thing, they really aren’t. Show too much initiative and your boss feels threatened and if you just happily do what is required they say they expect more for you. What has changed in the workforce over the past 10 years? What happened to working as a team, where you were trained, mentored and genuinely felt you where part of a team and contributing! Perhaps It is just me and I have missed major changes that have made corporate life ‘dog eat dog’. Where there is no time for friendship, courtesy and no patience for the new girl to learn the business before we come down on her like a ‘tonne of bricks’. It seems that the measure of a top executive today has become how ‘nasty’ you can be. I have always found that you can get everything you want from people by being ‘nice’ – and as an added bonus you may make a friend or two as well!
Has motherhood changed me so profoundly or has the mushroom I have been living under for the past 10 years completely shielded me from major changes in the corporate world?
loading...
OMM1: I’m currently in India (I arrived last week) and am trying to catch my breath! This country is beautiful, breathtaking and exhausting! The people are so friendly but it’s heartbreaking to see the poverty and pollution. Since arriving I’ve been trying to get my head around the huge differences in wealth and I’ve been feeling guilty about buying dinner when there are so many street people that would kill for my meal, but every Indian I have spoken with says not to give the street people money. Does anyone else face this scenario when travelling?
OMM2: I’m off to Nepal tomorrow, wish me luck! I’m praying the medical supplies I’ve couriered from Australia don’t get seized at customs and sold on the black market – they’re quite valuable
OMM3: Daddy’s birthday
loading...
When I went to New York, I gave my change to the homeless that were on the streets. I couldn’t ignore them and walk past like I hadn’t seen them. What was just change to me, was a meal for them. And that’s how I looked at it, some people justify themselves by not giving by saying oh they’ll only buy alcohol, which is so bloody minded. In my opinion, give, give, give. It’ll make a big difference to them.
loading...
I always give money when asked, what’s $5 or $10 to me? A couple of coffees, a magazine??? Not much. It’s not going to hurt me at all.
loading...
To be able to have one day where I don’t feel guilty because I am a single mum one day where I don’t have to attend work in a job where I am put down for who I am, one day where I am not sacrificing watching my children grow up to earn money, to not have to worry every day about bills and how I am going to afford everything, one day to not being heartbroken because I feel that I am missing out on my kids growing up, or when I hear my oldest son say to me he doesn’t know if he wants to have kids because you have to sacrifice (his words) so much to have them. To be able to have one day where I don’t feel like I am a major disappointment to them no matter how hard I try. To have one day where the world doesn’t feel like everything is in disarray and to have one day where I can wrap those in the world in my arms who are sad, ill, broke, unhappy, that it’s all going to be ok and that I am on their sideline cheering for them and to have that one day last a lifetime.
loading...
KC, I hear you, I hear you, I hear you. Fuck, it’s all so bloody hard sometimes. xx
loading...
KC I don’t know what to say. I just really hope you have someone you can talk to and some support. Life is tough but you sound like an amazing mother and for that your children have everything they need. xxx
loading...
Take care KC, remember that the most important things are your children. It will get better and easier, I know it is hard to imagine now but it will come. Ignore those that put you down, they are wrong!
loading...
OMM: Heard from a co-worker today that her little boy has very bad asthma, such that if he keep having attacks he won’t survive to a normal age.
I wish I could do something to help and would love ideas xo
loading...
It sounds obvious, but have they seen a doctor? Asthma is very treatable – get him on the right preventer and find out what triggers his attacks and bingo.
loading...
We need evilcupcake on the case – doesn’t she have terrible asthma? She might have some answers. Your poor coworker.
loading...
The Buteyko Method claims to have amazing results with asthma. It certainly gave me the tools to control crippling panic attacks – life-changing. Worth a look at least?
loading...
Ah, Buteyko Method? I will definitely look that up! Elli, he has seen a lot of doctors and his Mum is a nurse – hate to think how he’d be if she wasn’t so aware and dedicated to effective prevention and treatment
You’re right though, in a normal case taking the preventives probably would be enough …
Thank you so much for your thoughts and ideas everybody xoxox
loading...
I’ve read that swimming helps enormously. There are a few Olympic swimmers that took up swimming because they had asthma as children.
loading...
Where oh where have the cake bakers gone?
Oh where oh where can they be?
With their espresso short and their mix-tape long,
Oh where oh where is She*?
mamma mia Tuesday 21 February 2012 “The pro-life vigil coming to a city near you”:
“Just like the women in the UK, Mamamia’s Publisher Mia Freedman*, Managing Editor Lana Hirschowitz* and I (Lucy Ormonde*) are going to bake cakes (Chocolate? Vanilla? We’re open to suggestions) and take them down to the (abortion) clinic in Sydney where the vigils are taking place.”
“Mia, Lana and I will deliver our cakes to staff and women at the clinic in Sydney’s Surry Hills before the week is out. We will live tweet from the clinic and next week I’ll write about it and tell you all how it went. If you want to get involved – please do. Take a photo and add it to the comments section.”
So I must have missed the live tweets and the write up. And all of the follow-up comments from readers who said they would “be proud to join Mia, Lana and Lucy at the abortion clinic with yummy cakes and kick-ass mix tapes in hand”. (Or something like that.) And their photos? Did the “40 Days of Treats” go down a treat?
loading...
I live at home with my parents and sister and a month or two ago I heard my parents having sex. Since then, my anxiety has gotten so much worse and haven’t wanted to be intimate with my boyfriend.
I tried talking to my mum (I didn’t mention I had actually heard them) the other day and basically said that I stay up late (once again, anxiety’s fault) and don’t need to be traumatised by hearing them. Her solution was earplugs, go to bed earlier or get my butt into gear and move out (which won’t be happening for a little while).
I totally get that they want to be sexual with one other but I went to her with legitimate concerns. Our rooms are right across from one anothers and our 100 year old house has VERY thin walls.
I don’t see much I can do but to wear earplugs every night. Any advice?
loading...
Im sorry, but i really have to say my advice is to find a way to deal with it.
I have heard my parents ‘at it’ during various stages of my life, and even in my 20s when home for christmas. Its not a big deal. Sex is normal, natural and healthy. I was originally a bit stunned, but then i decided that a relationship without sex is much more emotionally stunting if my parents have no desire to be intimate with each other.
If its really eating away at you, seeing a counsellor might help you gain some perspective or some methods to help you adjust to what you have heard. I do think your mum was particularly insensitive (my parents dont know I have heard them, and I would wager they would be mortified if they did) telling you to put earplugs in though.
Hope this helps. Its not easy, but looking back i realise how silly I was to expect otherwise of my parents
loading...
This is superficial, but I’ve just found out the ATO has me registered for a debt of over $10,000.00! About $2,500 of that I do owe for Uni, but the rest is Uni fees listed in error. Ahhh I’m about to go overseas and the admin of sorting this out is so annoying! Still – thank god most of it is error.
loading...
Story suggestions … how people cope with becoming unemployed or being long-term unemployed, what steps people take to make career transitions into a new field of work, strategies or techniques people use to get a new job, things people found went well in interviews and things that were disastrous, people who have been out of the workforce for some time (eg injured, stay at home parents, carers, long term unemployed) – how they got into the workforce, issues with poor managers, workplace issues – bullying, harassment, being excluded, being underpaid etc
loading...
Thanks guest! In summary – more career content. Great suggestion.
loading...
Hey guys, I’m heading to Amsterdam with my bf and we need to find a cheapish hotel (for us and another room for a friend). We’re late 20s we so want to be near the action. Does anyone have any suggestions please?
loading...
http://www.airbnb.com
loading...
This was by far the best hotel we stayed in during our European trip.
Everything is made of sustainable materials. The staff couldn’t be friendlier.
The whole hotel was spotlessly clean.
http://www.conscioushotels.com/hotelsVondelpark
loading...
Thanks guys! Really appreciate it.
loading...
OMM#1: A Magistrate I had to deal with recently as part of a court case. Because of a court scheduling error, I had to represent myself for this one day. Wasn’t ideal but it was bearable. However the Magistrate was a complete cow. She made disparaging comments about my home country to my ex’s Barrister as if I wasn’t standing right there and questioned why anyone would “possibly want to move to X Country from Australia”. The comments would’ve been bad enough regardless of where I was from but it’s not like we’re talking about a war-torn or Third World Country. I’m from North America.
A random Barrister who happened to be watching the proceedings came up to me after and told me how to file a complaint against the Magistrate. But I’m debating whether it’s even worth it. Our case has been moved to a higher court because of its complexity so I won’t even see her again and although she pissed me off royally, it only fuelled me to fight back when the opposing Barrister was trying to carry on with the tangent the Magistrate had started. And then I worry I’ll be labelled as a trouble maker so when I face the next Magistrate I’ll have the deck stacked against me a bit.
On the other hand… what if I had happened to have a personality that she could’ve rattled, especially since I was representing myself that day? What if she had damaged my confidence or even worse made me question the decisions I had made and propelled me to drop my petition? Family court proceedings are emotionally fraught as it is. I’d hate to think of that Magistrate ‘breaking’ a fellow parent who couldn’t stand up for themselves in the moment when I could’ve at least done a tiny part to try to ensure she keeps her mouth shut and remains professional.
Ugh. Sorry for the flip floppy rant.
OMM#2: I don’t get the point of chewing gum. I only buy it a few times a year but no matter what kind I buy, I always just keep popping piece after piece into my mouth chasing that initial taste you get when you first bite into it. Tonight I had 8 Mentos Blasts in my mouth at one time – the ones that squirt out liquid. As soon as I’d chew away all of the gritty bits of one piece, I’d pop another one in. Soon I was left with a wad of tasteless cud parked in my cheek. I’m quite sure that’s not the purpose of chewing gum nor is my behaviour at all normal.
loading...
Sorry to read this all happened to you in court, if I were you I would probably make a complaint against the magistrate but I guess it depend if you really feel like it’s worth it.
Re chewing gum… I don’t get it either but my husband is obsessed with it! Here in the US they have all these different flavoured Extra gums like Apple pie, Strawberry shortcake… I can’t do gum!
loading...
Thanks Cinnamon
Part of me feels it’s almost my duty to at least file a complaint so I can know I did all I could – even if that realistically amounts to nothing – to prevent her from treating anyone else like that. But then my cynical side wonders if anything would even come of it or if it’s simply one of those processes put in place by Government simply to protect their butts.
A friend made a joke that maybe the judge had her heart broken by a North American at some stage and that’s where her hostility came from. Because really it made no sense at all.
I’m jealous you have access to all of those candy and junk food choices in the US. I rarely ate any of that stuff when I was living there but just knowing I could if I wanted to was nice. Every time I think of the candy or frozen food aisles in an American grocery store it makes me giggle when I compare it to a Woolies or Coles. Having a child and living here at the moment though makes me rather thankful for the rather limited options in comparison.
loading...
Hey beans – how awful! I was before a similar Mag who was a biarch to me as I represented myself and was being snookered by the oppositing solicitor. I would encourage you to file a complaint if for no other reason that the next self-repped person may not be as strong or as savvy as you and take a beating from someone who has no right to have a personal attack when you already feel vulnerable.
loading...
I strongly recommend making a formal complaint. It’s outrageous how some of our magistrates behave. And it should be noted her behaviour. They get away with it I suppose because people don’t think they can do anything.
Richard Ackland has been writing for some time in the Sydney Morning Herald about the terrible performances of certain magistrates. They need to be held to account.
loading...
I have had a lovely evening on Iview. I watched the racist Australian show and it had me in tears and I also found great interest in google baby. Then the Muslim divorce documentary.
all very worthwhile watching, moving, disturbing and shows that get you thinking about wo your admire, who you doubt and your own morality.
loading...
My twelve-year old daughter is being bullied at high school by one of her “best friends”. She’s desperate for me not to tell anyone, but after this latest incident I will have to let her homeroom teacher know. This so-called best friend shoved her in the face while she was applying some lip balm at school yesterday, for no reason and split her lip, then tried to say that she was flicking a fly off…No one saw this happen, of course.
I have previously tried to counsel my daughter, giving her advice on standing up to this controlling friend, urging her to walk away, but she is not confident enough to do this. I am at a bit of a loss, and the nasty incidents seem to be happening more often, and totally worrying, now taking a physical turn.
loading...
My thoughts are with you. Is your daughter’s friend jealous? I noticed when my daughter started branching out and making lots of new friends at high school some of her primary school friends were jealous. Starting high school can be really challenging for some kids and they don’t handle the transition well. So they take it out on those closest to them. Alternatively the bully might be wanting to break out and make new friends and doesn’t know how to communicate this to your daughter. Sounds like they need some space. Thankfully school holidays are coming up. I’d tell the home room teacher but they might only see the girls once in the early morning for roll call so whether they can do anything I am not sure. It will get better but it might mean their friendship changes and possibly might never be what it was before. Life moves on. I hope your daughter finds her way. Best wishes.
loading...
God girls can just be psychotic at that age. Your poor daughter. Can she move schools? Poor darling.
loading...
The jealousy thing is quite possible – I am pretty sure it stems from the fact that her friend has an incredibly controlling, verbally abusive mother. I suspect she acts out and tries to control my daughter in compensation for the terrible screaming and judgement she cops from her mother for the most innocent of “crimes” – acts that my daughter witnesses most times she is over her friend’s house. Admittedly, knowing what the friend’s home life is like has kept me from jumping in to defuse the situation straight away, but now that there’s physical stuff, well, I’m not standing for it.
She has actually applied for a Performing Arts scholarship for year 8 next year at a great public school ( she’s currently in a mid-priced private anglican school with terrible management, but that’s a whole other thesis….I can’t stress enough how much I regret turning my back on the public school system thinking private would be better !!) and I think the friend is angry at being “abandoned” perhaps.
I got my son out of the same school last year with an academic scholarship to a public school – best decision I ever made. He was falling in with a real slacker crowd – and the school concentrates on arts and music to the detriment of academic subjects. He’s ahead in leaps and bounds with results in the high 90′s.
My daughter is looking forward to a change in schools – she auditioned for the scholarship some weeks ago and we’ll hear if she is successful early August. It is awful thinking she is going to have to cope with her friend’s nasty behavior for the rest of the year though.
Thanks for the replies!
loading...
Oh good on her! It sounds like you’re both doing all the right things. Hopefully she’ll meet someone nicer kids with interests akin to her own and be happier.
You could be right about why the girl is acting out. It’s terrible for her that that’s her situation – but it doesn’t mean your little girl should suffer. Good luck! xx
loading...
I feel like life is finally settling down after having returned home from London two months ago. Just started a new job which I LOVE and closer to my dream than any other job I’ve had. Delivery of all my London boxes arrived today and it felt like Christmas morning opening everything up. Looking forward to Women of Letters and Lady Gaga in the next week.
I didn’t work for three months between resigning from my London job and starting work last week in Melbourne and it really got my mood down. For someone who’s always been in the workforce, it came as a surprise at how quickly my confidence and self esteem got chipped away with each passing day that I was home while everyone else approached each day with a sense of purpose. No doubt there are so many other people out there who have gone for much longer than 3 months of being unemployed and I get that I only had a tiny glimpse of it, but I just have to say that it’s not a fun experience.
loading...
It is so sad to read that Nora Ephron has died. I know she was famous for movies (When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle) but I loved her book Heartburn; a book about marriage, divorce and cooking.
loading...
Yes me too. Loved all her work.
loading...
I hadn’t heard. I feel like a little light has just gone out of the world.
71 is old and yet still young at the same time.
loading...
work is horrible.
I’ve been in the role since the start of the year. Everything is so god damn complicated. Everything.
I work in workers comp (hooray!) and just as i feel like I’m getting the hang of something , someone throws a spanner in the works.
I don’t know whether it’s a skill gap issue, maybe I’m just not cut out for the work, but I just cant keep up.
I’m working on about 5 different projects, all completely different, and my head feels like it’s about to explode! And on top of that the bureaucracy is suffocating.
Will bureaucracy follow me in any job? or do I just need to cut my losses, and get the hell out of there?
Feels good to get this off my chest
loading...
Bureaucracy definitely won’t follow you everywhere, flyaway! I am a freelancer and have no paperwork to do if I don’t want to … even invoices.
Can’t tell you what to do, but 6 months is a long time to hate your work that much!
loading...
OMM: heard my babys heartbeat today on the Doppler. I just love that sound. I’ve been cramping a bit so I was getting anxious. Almost 14 weeks!
On the other hand, my granny is so sick with terminal cancer and most likely won’t last the week. Heartbreaking to see her like this and she can’t even talk anymore. She’s in so much pain so I hope she will be at peace.
loading...
Em, I dont know if this will bring you some peace, I am not religious at all but I find the idea of this comforting. I have heard often that the elderly leave this earth in order to leave a place for a new born. I like to think that although your granny may pass away, a part of her will be in your new baby when he/she arrives.
I hope you are ok, and that your granny is out of pain soon.
x
loading...
My grandpa died 11 days after we told him we were pregnant with our first. I always felt there was some beautiful symmetry within this.
loading...
Can you ask one of the doctors or nurses (I presume your Gran is in hospital or similar) to lend their stethoscope and let her listen to your baby’s heartbeat? It might be a lovely treat for her and give her pleasure before she goes.
loading...
That’s such a lovely idea, but at 14 weeks you’d be very, very unlikely to hear anything in there with a stethescope (it wouldn’t be sensitive enough and the baby is so small that you’d have to have the absolute exact spot). If she could source a doppler from somewhere, it would be a terrific thing to do!
loading...
So sorry to hear about your granny, that’s really awful. But pleased to hear that your baby is well, that heartbeat is such a lovely sound!
loading...
I’m feeling sad this week. I have been lying here for the past hour trying to think who to call to talk to, but I always find a reason why not to bother someone. In reality, my “problems” aren’t that big, and I’m trying to tell myself that, but unfortunately sometimes it doesn’t help.
The one thing I would love the most right now, would be to sleep 8hrs every night for a week. I don’t like to label things and say I have insomnia, because I feel like I am over-reacting, but I do. For about 2.5years now since coming out of a bad hospital stay. And to add to the limited sleep, my anti-depressants are causing night sweats when I am asleep! We reduced my dosage, and I had about 6 nights without a sweat, but for the past 4 nights, they are back to haunt me…..and I think the drop in dosage has meant a drop in mood too.
Sorry for moaning and groaning on here….I hate myself when I think about what I’ve just written when, really, people out there are a lot worse off than me.
loading...
Hey C it’s OK. Your problems are – like you – important. It’s hard trying to get the medication right but it’s great you have a supportive GP. Stick with it. Insomnia is the pits. I’ve suffered from it on a few different occasions over the years. The awful disappointment of waking. It’s such a vicious cycle too as you are overtired and worried about whether you will sleep so you can’t relax and it just goes around and around. Have you tried mediation? Or a mediation CD or podcast? I have found a few that I love over the years and I just drag them out if I need them. Can be soothing. And also lie down and day dream or look forward to a time when you will be feeling better. Sometimes that motivation can help you get through. It might not be tonight but tomorrow you might have a great night of sleep and rest. Maybe if you feel the same tomorrow you should call or contact friends and family who care about you as I am sure they want to be there for you. Good luck and best wishes.
loading...
LouLee, I don’t know you, but you are lovely. It is clear you are a very special soul
loading...
Thank you BB!
loading...
Thankyou Loulee. As usual, things always seem better the next day. But your post made me feel understood. And as most people know- that is a soothing feeling.
Sometimes, I just have to make it to the next hour, the next day, the next week, and then when I finally look back, I can see that I am feeling better.
Thankyou, Cx
loading...
“my anti-depressants are causing night sweats when I am asleep”
If you have a ‘standing’ fan which you can put next to your bed, that might help a bit. It creates a breeze & I find that the fan noise acts as a bit of a ‘white noise’ which helps me sleep.
loading...
Ask your doctor about Seroquel, I know that they use it for people with insomnia with great success. I take it every night and have excellent quality sleep, no side effects at all. Good luck x
loading...
Thankyou, I have tried Seroquel, but it leaves me feeling so drugged out the next day that I cannot function. But thankyou for your thoughts. Cx
loading...
Hi, that happened to me in the beginning so I reduced the dose to just half a tablet at night and no side effects but great sleep!
loading...
I think i am a bit behind here, where is Rick?
loading...
He’s left Mamamia
for an exciting new adventure which he will announce soon.
loading...
OMM: London. I’m here. In love. The number of times I have teared up because I can’t believe my life right now is real is too hard to count. Sad to be leaving tomorrow but I guess Paris will be an okay alternative! Now.. Off to Buckingham Palace for me!
loading...
I am currently in Paris and it is beautiful! Much more so than London! Well I think so!
loading...
Today I told a man who absolutely loves, adores and would lay his life at my feet, that I don’t think I can be with him. The backstory? He’s also seeing someone else, and while he wants to break up with her to be with me, I think there’s too much water under the bridge.
Now I’m drinking red wine and destroying a packet of chocolate biscuits.
loading...
I don’t get how you can love someone who is a lying cheating rat.
Just calling it like it is – that’s what he’s doing to another woman and odds are, he would do it to you too. Youre best rid of the toolbag.
loading...
I agree. Dont waste your time and emotions on someone who is leading another woman on and cheating on her. He would leave her if he really wanted to. Sorry, he likes having his cake and eating it too. get out of there.
loading...
Tough times, but sounds like the right move. Hugs.
loading...
Omg, I’m in the exact same position and have been for a while. While he sees her only once a week and she’s been moved out for over 8 months, he’s having trouble leaving her all alone. So it;s time to put myself first. It’s hard and I feel for you
loading...
I was in your situation for a long time – sadly, I believed him (that he would leave her and we’d have the future that he promised). I wish I had done what you’re doing now and had the red wine and choccies upfront to say goodbye than to wait and wait and wait for something he was never going to be capable of giving me, and missing out on it with somebody else who could have. It was 9 years ago when I was where you are now, but I ran into them the other day and they’re still together, and unfortunately he’s now trying to string someone else along on the side. Allow yourself to grieve right feelings, right person, wrong time but give yourself the gift of letting him go and moving on. Someone more emotionally capable of loving you and loving you alone, will come into your life if you say goodbye to him and let him go emotionally, to enable someone else more suited to have the space to come into your life. In the meantime, watch as many sad movies as you have to to cry and say goodbye. Even though it hurts now … it hurts a lot more when you’re spending Christmas, NYE, Valentine’s Day, birthdays, holidays etc on your own and he fits you in around his commitments with her … and then you hear that they’re buying a house together, having a baby together, things are still rocky between them and he’s going to leave her and wants to have a future with you, and a year passes, then two, etc – that’s more heartache for you then, than what you’ll experience now by saying goodbye now instead of way down the track.
loading...
I can’t help but think of the concept from ‘He’s just not that into you’ (which may really be from the SATC episode where the concept first emerged), which is all about how when someone really wants to be with you, they are. No complications. no holding onto the past.
In this situation, if he really adores you and wanted to be together there’d be no other woman.
You are right to cut ties and move on – your love future awaits!
Nonetheless, realising and accepting that is a personal version of tough love so big hugs!
loading...
He would lay his life at your feet….but he hasn’t already left her and cut off her contact with her? Actions speak louder than words. Plus I bet that she thought/thinks he adored her and would lay his life at her feet too…while he’s secretly banging someone else. Why would you want to be with someone capable of that kind of deceit and cruelty?
You made 100% the right decision. That man is a liar. Move forward and find someone who isn’t prepared to lie to those who love them.
loading...
Without knowing all the details, I think you should stay away from him. If he was a decent person and truly loved you he would have already broken up with the other woman.
loading...
Put myself out there today and went to a coffee/play date for the kids at a girl’s house that I don’t know very well (friend of an acquaintence) and met some lovely down to earth mums. Very glad I made the effort.
OMM is babies V study. I already have a 3yr old boy and a 21mth old boy. Part of me wants to have another baby so badly. I am 32. The other part of me wonders if I should move into different territory now – do things for myself like go to the gym, work, study, broaden my horizons. For some reason, over the years, I keep thinking I want to study psychology or social work but the thought of an EIGHT YEAR part time degree frightens me. I have started a few courses and never finished them. What does it take to study part time/externally – a great deal of motivation I’m guessing?
Love to all MM’ers this week – especially all the mums with kids on school holidays!
loading...
Some motivation, but once you’ve enrolled that can come from paying the fees and not wanting to waste your money, but mostly organization, and making the most of every spare moment. No TV, little Facebook!
loading...
Motivation comes when you’re learning about things you find exciting and fascinating
I do find external study extremely hard – but part time not so much of a problem.
loading...
Worst: dentist today scraped my gum accidentally I’m now in pain and even more scared of the dentist that before.
Best: planning a baby shower for a friend.
OMM: have to check if my car needs new tyres. Boring but important I guess.
loading...
What I’ve noticed : Great mix of stories on MM lately, especially today!
loading...
Thank you!!!
)
loading...
OMM: I found out today that my baby that is due in August may need to be delivered via a c-section under general anesthetic. The baby is currently lying across ways and the placenta is blocking part of the exit. If that isn’t enough, there is a chance that the placenta has embedded itself into my previous c-section scar. There are a heaps of problems that could arise during the birth (thankfully mostly to me) but the thing that has me upset the most is that if delivered under general, I won’t be awake to see my baby nor will my husband be in the room. I know that it is a minor thing versus the whole life ahead with my child and the fact that infertile women would love to have a chance at even this, but it has me upset.
Thanks for allowing me to get my thoughts down in writing…
loading...
Hope it all goes okay for you (all of you actually).
loading...
That sucks, it was one of my greatest fears even after 2+ years of infertility (the general part not the csec) hugs. Hope the placenta moves!
loading...
* Hugs *
loading...
Lovely lady
I know it feels awful, I was told the same, and was devastated…. but now I have a beautiful baby that wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for modern medicine. think about the end product, don’t beat yourself up at all…. you are going to be a mummy!!! best wishes xoxo
loading...
All the best, this was also one of my biggest fears. Is it 100% that you have to have the general? I guess it’s very late in the day now to expect the placenta to move in time, but sending positive thoughts regardless.
loading...
Hugs for not getting the birth that you’d like to have, but at least they know in advance and can make plans for it.
loading...
I had my first child under a general aneasetic while my husband waited outside the operating theatre alone in the corridor at 3am. While it was far from optimal it did enable a safe delivery for both me and bub. My baby was resuscitated after birth and in many ways I am glad I was not awake to watch. When I woke my first question was is my baby ok followed by is it a boy or a girl?
Down in the dumps you have to believe that modern medicine is there to support you and your baby and facilitate the best possible outcome for both. I know it is scary and disappointing but be strong and keep the faith. In the years to come you will hardly remember how your darling child came into the world, instead focussing on the life you have created and the amazing journey of parenthood.
Wishing you all the very best for a safe delivery xxx
loading...
Hi, Down in the Dumps. There are lots of things you can do to encourage your baby to turn head down (if that’s what you want to do), although if you have a partial placenta praevia, you will almost certainly have a caesarean. Your caregivers will most likely do a very thorough ultrasound to find the exact location of the placenta, and if it’s not over your previous scar, there shouldn’t be any reason for you to need a general anaesthetic. Take good care of yourself, I’m sure everything will work out for the best, because if there’s one thing that we do well in Australia, it’s helping women who have complicated pregnancies. Good luck and best wishes.
loading...
Tomorrow is my last day of work for 2 whole weeks! Yes! Time to get beautifuller before boarding a plane Fri and meeting the BFF in Brisbane for 2 nights, then boarding a cruise to South Pacific on Sunday! Quality r&r ahead!
Brisbane residents: suggestions for restaurants/bars (cloudland?) and shopping venues muchly appreciated! (staying on Queen St).
loading...
So many restaurants and bars in the Valley (where Cloudland is). Staying on Queen Street means you are right in the heart of all of the main shops. The Wintergarden is a new shopping mall that has just opened, definitely worth checking out. If you want something a bit different head to the Valley or Paddington for some more unique/boutique shops. If you are looking for something to do on Saturday or Sunday afternoon with your BFF. I highly recommend high tea and the Stamford Plaza. It is AMAZING!
loading...
I’ve turned into a madwoman! Wedding obsessed! Have been with my partner for 10ish months and while we both agree it’s on the cards we’re not in a rush. Until the last week or so where I have been dreaming constantly about the idea of getting engaged! It’s taken me by surprise and I feel completely insane but I bloody well want it! I can only think it’s because we’ve been through some challenging times recently career-wise and it’s made me realise I definitely can’t be without him. Anyone else experienced this?
loading...
Yup!!!! But we’ve been together for 7 years, and he’s incredibly vague about the possibility, “yeah one day” is his usual answer. Very frustrating!!! I want a baby soon too, so between the two i get a bit crazy. I try my hardest not to go on about it but it’s so hard and every time i find out another friend has become engaged or fallen pregnant it’s a crushing blow. I’m sick of feeling like this, but can’t stop it!
loading...
YES!!! Before I got engaged in December I was OBSESSED…constantly looking at wedding blogs, wedding dresses, ANYTHING wedding related. And then we just said “yep let’s do it!” Just make sure when it happens you are focused on the marriage and not just the pretty ring, dress, cake etc
loading...
See that’s the thing – I don’t give a shit about any of that jazz really, just want to declare to everyone that this is what we’ve decided is for us!
loading...
I don’t often post here, but am feeling pretty shit so thought I’d reach out to the MM community….even if I don’t hear from anyone, I have learnt from past experience that it is often better to get stuff off of your chest and out there rather than letting it fester.
First thing is that I’m sad. Really sad. There’s a lot of reasons for my sadness and ordinarily I would share this stuff with my dear pal whom some of you would know as ‘Sarah now in Sydney’, but obviously she is now in Sydney, so Adelaide is just that bit lonelier for me…I miss her so damn much, its quite crazy! She was my ‘go to gal’ and although we text and speak on the phone, I just miss her face…
Secondly, I am STILL in the onslaught of a separation thing with the man who was/is the love of my life and the father of my precious children. I miss him so much but at the same time I can hardly stand to be around him. He deceived me for most of our married life and when he told me this (almost 2 1/2 years ago), I asked him to leave as I didn’t feel safe around him and I didn’t trust him. He had (he has been clean for about 16 months but will always remain a drug addict) a drug addiction and I never knew. We lost everything – money, home, marriage…I am still reeling from how stupid it has made me feel, how broken I am that I placed my life and my complete trust in him, that the life that I thought I had and was going to have has been stripped from me. From my children.
I feel resentful of the other ‘happy families’ around me. I feel deepest despair. I want to cry. I want to check out from my life. I want to make it stop. I want normalcy.
I am soon to be attending my cousin’s wedding (our family is very small so weddings are huge and rare for us) and I am going alone. Everyone else is partnered and happy. I used to have that. I don’t know how to find my own inner happiness again. I am looking forward to going (its interstate) but I also dread it.
I have just joined OA (overeaters anonymous) because I have come to accept that I have a compulsive eating disorder and i am filled with shame, embarrassment, anger, hurt… I hate myself. I honestly truly cannot look in the mirror anymore. I am sickened by what I see, but I can’t seem to get control of my brain! I blame what has happened to me with my husband, but I know that when I am honest with myself, I have always had issues with food and this trauma has completely exacerbated the affliction which was just simmering beneath the surface. I put the crap in my own mouth, so the buck stops with me.
I desperately want to have another baby, but I don’t want my children to be or have half-siblings. At the same time, I don’t know if I can ever have a relationship with my (ex??)husband in the future, as much as I want to. I also don’t think I can face a relationship with another man either. I am such a disaster!!
I can’t believe that I am blurting all of this out here. I love MM and I feel safe here.
I am sure that to many people this all seems trivial and self-centred and childish. It probably is. I am quite a misery and a mess.
I hurt.
Wishing happiness to each of you.
x
loading...
I’d vote for a relationship before another baby, but I’d like to point out there’s nothing wrong with half siblings. Stepdaughter has 2 half siblings (and hopefully I will have kids at some point, so she will have more) she LOVES them. She doesn’t think of them as half, they are her family, to her there is no such thing as half – just a girl who has 2 siblings and 4 parents.
loading...
Sounds like you’ve definitely got a lot going on!
Nothing beats face to face time with your bestie- I’ve had a few really close friends move overseas in the last few years and once life gets busy it’s really hard to feel that connection, even if you are emailed etc. Would a skype sesh help? You can both pour a glass of wine (or a coffee
) and it’ll be almost as if she is sitting across the table from you!
Don’t really know what to say about the husband seeing as I have no experience in that area but it sounds like you need some time to your self atm before making life changing decisions about kids…also I’m sure that with divorce so common these days being a ‘half’ bro/sis isn’t really an issue!
ps. congrats on realising you have a problem and joining OA- it really is the first step! You might still have setbacks but just remember that you are on you way!
loading...
I couldn’t not reply even though i have no sage words of advice for you.
I am sorry you’re hurting a the world is a shit place for you right now.
I hope it is quick in turning around, because it WILL.
hugs
loading...
Welcome Meltie. So sorry to hear you’re going through a rough time. The MM community are the best virtual shoulder around so thanks for sharing – sending you hugs xxxx
loading...
Hi Meltie
thinking of you.
sometimes a good vent feels better. What a terrible time you are going through. I have some advice, don’t try to address problems you can’t solve right now. Just deal with what you can when you can… if that makes sense. Be kind to yourself….
I am sure you have lovely children. spend time with them, sometimes kids help us to focus on other things…. lots of cuddles with them!
take care and remember… this too shall pass.
loading...
Hi Meltie, sending positive thoughts and love your way xx
I don’t have any advice, I just wanted to comment on your desire to have another baby but not wanting half siblings, my brother and I are 6 years apart and half siblings – we have different dads – we absolutely adore each other, he’s my best friend, infact, I’m closer to my half brother than most of my friends are to their full siblings. All the best for your future.
loading...
Hi Meltie,
You are very brave to share your story on here. I hope it has made you feel a little less alone.
Have you spoken to a professional at all? I really think that a therapist or someone who is impartial and has experience would be able to give you some great advice for things you can do to feel better etc.
You have so much going on, make sure you can spend a little time each week just to focus on you.
Remember, you are not to blame for your ex-husbands problems.
You can only control your own life and your own reactions to things.
if you go to the wedding with a positive, who cares attitude then you will have a better time than if you focus on being alone.
I know things look hard right now and it must seem like you have one thing after another piled on you but you will come out the other side. Things will get better and you will look back at this time in your life as a blip one day.
Take care of yourself, give your kids extra cuddles and take note of the good things in your life and focus on them more than the negative stuff.
loading...
Your post brought tears to my eyes, you poor thing. It sounds like you’re making some positive progress forward, even if you feel like crap today!
I wanted to say, just on this comment you made: “Everyone else is partnered and happy.” It may seem like everyone going to wedding is all loved up and happy days, but everyone has their problems. Who knows what’s really going on behind closed doors? A quick glance at recent topics on MM shows that people are dealing with things like cheating partners, violence, sexless marriages and grief every other day. Not wanting to dwell on everytihng that is awful in the world, but hopefully it gives you some small comfort in the knowledge that almost everyone is battling something
x
loading...
Thank you all do much for your beautiful warm encouraging and supportive messages. I’m sitting here with tears rolling down my face. I’m miserable but also very grateful.
I know things will improve. I see a counsellor and am on anti-ds as I had post natal depression.
I’ve just had a big chat with my mum, who always makes me feel better.
Re the baby issue, I am sure that half siblings would be great…. There’s no way I’m in a place to have another baby right now, but it’s just something that’s on my mind.
Anyway, I reeeeeally appreciate the support you guys have given. Can’t express it enough
M xx
loading...
Oh hun, I hear you on the “happy families” part
I used to get so jealous, watching other couples together looking so happy and warm with each other and seeing inside their lovely homes made with two wage-bringing parents. I feel ya on that. So hard 
But…like Megs says above, you really don’t know whats going on inside closed doors. And nobody likes to air their dirty laundry remember. And sometimes the grass is NOT greener. Love and hugs to you xxx
loading...
Glad you have that off your chest. Best of luck with everything and I feel for you and your family.
loading...
lifeline…131114
loading...
Oh Meltie. Huge, huge hugs.
I’ve been partnered with an addict before – very similar. Clean when we met, busted during our relationship. Destroyed so much of my trust. I found that NarAnon helped me to understand that I was an emotional hostage and I met some incredible people who totally got how I felt and gave me the support and understanding I sorely needed at the time.
I’m glad for you that you have found the safety and comfort of MM – the tribe here are mostly incredibly supportive and warm. Be kind to yourself. You are a good person – don’t ever lose sight of that.
Go and talk to your GP. Be open and honest. And most of all, be kind to you x
loading...
It’s been a not-so-great week so far. Three of my lovely lovely cousins lost their Dad, unexpectedly so. He was young(ish) and it was a shock. Devastating. Mum also went into hospital unexpectedly but she’s ok. I just feel like I’m a long, long way from home.
On the upside, I’m heading to sunny gorgeous Spain for a hen’s weekend which has been months in the planning. I can’t wait.
But my heart will be thinking of home xxx
loading...
OMM:
1) I am SO excited to go overseas soon. And SO excited to see my ex.
2) I finish work on Friday (for six months) and feel like a massive loser for how sad I am to be leaving. I love my job and workplace! But pretty sure I’ll get over missing it once I’m sunning myself on a beach somewhere.
3) My little sister got a huge, ugly tattoo on her wrist. It’s AWFUL. It means a lot to her as it’s the initials of her dear friend who just died so I haven’t said anything critical to her about, but I’m just so disappointed in her decision-making. She’s in child care and is still just a teenager – it seems like a massive risk/very foolish to get a huge tattoo on a place you can’t cover up, when you’re so young. I know she has it now so there is no point making her feel bad about it, but it’s just awful. What’s the best way to approach this, MMers?
loading...
With the tattoo – it can’t be undone now, and at least it is there for a good reason. It has meaning, and for that reason I don’t think she will ever regret it. It might cause problems with employment etc etc in future (though probably not – more and more people are getting tattoos these day), so it might be an inconvenience, but she won’t regret it. Probably best not to say anything.
loading...
I can attest that tattoo’s can be removed- $2500 dollars later and a year of appointments every six weeks!
I saw some interesting tattoo’s at those appointments! And yes it hurt.
loading...
There is a trend against tattoos lately, as reported in the weekend newspapers. And with that tatoo removal businesses are a huge growth area. She’s a teenager and has a job so let her be. And having someone point out how ugly her tatt is will only make her more defiant. In the future she will likely have some negatives comments made about it and maybe potential employers will ask her to cover it. So, if she decides in her own time she can have it removed.
loading...
Thanks guys. I would never, ever tell her it was ugly or anything for the reasons you’ve said. I’m more just facepalming myself that she would make such a dumb decision and then hide it from us. But you’re right – she’s a teenager, that’s what they do. And peppy, I hope you’re right about her not regreting it. I don’t want her to regret anything.
loading...
My friend has a tatoo on her wrist and is an HR consultant. She is lucky to work for open minded people (and also a very young-ish kind of workforce). If all else fails, just wear a jacket to interviews, the most they can do once you get the job is ask you to cover it up. Not the end of the world.
loading...
I am dipping my toes into the land of the blog. I am very new, and would love feedback on my brand new blog. I am open to any suggestions!
Some may recognise who I am from commenting on Mamamia, but I am not sure that I want everyone to know who I am yet!
http://cattleandcushions.blogspot.com.au/?zx=77a266f84ec8325b
loading...
I actually couldn’t access it, it asked me to sign in.
loading...
Same – requies that you sign in, not gonna happen!
loading...
Dammmmmmnnnnnn. I must of set it wrong
loading...
Hopefully you can see it now
loading...
Yes all fine now – I looked, read and enjoyed
loading...
Thankyou so much!
loading...
OK, I would suggest swapping to a horizontal header and resizing your pics so they fit within your posts horizontally. Other than that it’s looking good so far.
loading...
Oh thankyou so much Mrs T, I appreciate your help so much! I am fiddling with the layout and it is tricky to figure out the best way to display it.
Also I love your Kiki and Tea website! x
loading...
Thanks! I’d like to take the credit for how it looks but that would be a blatant lie – my husband is the web designer
. I painted the header though!! Happy to help you anytime (although I don’t know much about Blogspot).
loading...
I love it. Are you planning on telling about rural life? I’d love to read about being married to a farmer and how you day to day routine goes (being a city person and all).
And your house is gorgeous!
loading...
Thanks darling Kathy! I will be writing about a bit of everything. Just not sure how much of my life to share yet. I am not sure about pics of my kids and that sort of thing on the net.
Will be bumbling along learning as I go along!
loading...
Love it! And I can’t wait to read more – I think I know who you are:)
loading...
OMM: I really want to not show up to my birthday plans on Saturday. I’m sick of people being demanding, passive aggressive and not taking what i say at face value. two of my friends have cracked it at me because on facebook i wrote that i don’t care if people come or not because i know it’s a busy time of year and people have plans. Clearly I didn’t mean it that I don’t care about them, but I can’t be bothered apologising because these girls get upset over everything.
I’m not even good friends with these people!
Too much hassle. Can’t wait for my Yarra Valley trip… only 2.5 weeks to go!
loading...
OMM: I have a HUGE pile of dirt sitting in my front yard and I have to get rid of it. NOW. But how did it get there? Well, my neighbours had their driveway dug out on Monday to have a new concrete driveway poured. The digger driver asked me did I mind if he put the dirt on my front footpath and he would come back and get it later. No problem I said, but could I have a bit of dirt to fill in a small garden? He said did I want the lot. Now I said yes because at that point he had a small pile of dirt in front of his digger. He had dropped two buckets full over my fence as I was driving out to an appointment. Now I wish I could have stayed at home and supervised. When I returned home a few hours later, the digger and driver were gone and there was a HUGE pile of dirt on my front yard. Inside my front fence. He had scraped the whole driveway, dug down 30cm and left the whole lot for me. Luckily I had his mobile number so I phoned the digger operator and told him I only wanted a small amount of dirt, about the two buckets full I saw him dump. He explained that he thought there might have been too much dirt there (at what point did he think he should stop????). He said he would collect the dirt the next time he was in the area. When I phoned him again yesterday to make sure he was coming to collect it, he told me his boss wouldn’t let him collect the dirt without charging me for it!!! I spoke to the boss, and without recounting our full conversation he hung up on me. I tried not to do my lolly at him but when he called me “Love”, I lost it. I knew at that point there was no way he was ever going to collect this dirt.
So now I have a huge pile of dirt in my front yard and I need to move it myself. I have friends who will all come and take a trailer load to top dress their grass (thankfully it’s good quality) but I shouldn’t have to get rid of it this way. There are probably 6-8 trailer loads of dirt there. I don’t think there’s anything I can do to make him collect the dirt without charging me for it. I only asked for a small lot, but I feel like he’s taken the opportunity to dump all the dirt in my yard because I wasn’t home at the time to save himself the time and money dumping the dirt himself.
Is there anything else I can do???
Sorry for the rant, but there’s steam coming out of my ears!
loading...
Put a sign on it saying “free fill” you might be surprised how many people do want it. When we had a pile of dirt out the front of our place that we bought and were using to fill our garden beds, people kept knocking on my door asking if they could have it. No, I paid for it.
loading...
Put sign up at the front offering free soil, I’m sure neighbours would love to take it. Hope so!
loading...
Dump it back on the neighbour yard/new driveway? It’s their dirt afterall. Or is that just mean
loading...
OMM: Do I buy a new washing machine or get the old one repaired? I hate living in a throwaway society BUT my machine is now 8 years old and I spent $400 having it repaired two years ago. Hate, hate, hate how these things aren’t built to last – my parents got 35 years out of their last washing machine!
loading...
I have given my washing machine one last chance! It has been repaired three or four times now, and I could have replaced it for what it’s cost to fix. But it was super-expensive to begin with (stupid mistake, I’ve learned my lesson…expensive appliances do not last any longer than cheap ones!) so I kept justifying the repairs. Now, if it breaks again, I will go and get a cheap one from Harvey Norman. Get yourself a new one.
loading...
Last time this happened to me my repair man advised me to buy a “speed queen”. they are huge, but all parts are mechanical not computerised so therefore easier to repair when broken. However – they are about $2000. not cheap.
loading...
Depends on what type of machine it is. Front or top loader? Fuzzy logic or purely mechanical? Plastic drum or steel/enamel? The type worth fixing is usually the mechanical top loader with steel/enamel drum. For other types the parts are often close to the cost of buying a new one. I have a commercial Kleenmaid which is at least 15 years old. I had to replace one bit after we moved it. Not bad so far.
loading...
Thanks for your advice everyone. It is a top loader with a steel drum but so disappointed that my last $400 repairs only bought me two more years. I’m thinking it might be worth having a look around at the EOFY sales – maybe it’s time
loading...
If you do have to buy a new one, get it on Ebay, there are such great deals there, as new washing machines etc that people are sellign as they are moving overseas etc.
I never buy new anymore.
loading...
OMM: My career… and I am really looking for some advice.
I am in my final year of undergrad Psychology. I have the marks and approval to get in to honours, which I will start having to look for a supervisor for very very soon. Or, as a teacher, I can apply for the school counsellor retraining program.
The problem is being posted as a counsellor… in NSW you nominate an area (the areas are huge!!) and you can get sent to any school in that area. Obviously out west are more in need, and more likely to get a place at. The third issue is not just getting placed somewhere, its getting placed somewhere where my future husband (will be, in just over five weeks) will be able to get work.
I know this is such a first world problem, and its horrible to be complaining about the luxury of pretty much being guaranteed a job, especially when so many people in Aus are struggling.
I have already moved far out west as a teacher, when I got placed as a grad. I currently live over 10 hours drive away from my friends and family and I don’t really want to make that distance any longer.
But what else should I do for a job which studying for honours? I have been casually teaching this year after giving up a permanent job to study, and I really don’t know if I can take another year in the public systems’ sorry excuses for high school classrooms.
God, I know I sound like such a whinger, but having only ever been a teacher, entering a new job field to support myself as I study seems scary! what can you do with an undergrad degree in psyc? Or is teaching the ‘safe’ bet?
Anyone out there who has done the program or the degree with any advice? I could really, really use it!
*whinge over*
loading...
I’d think very carefully about retraining as a school counsellor if you’re in NSW. If Barry O’Farrell’s ‘Local Schools, Local Decisions’ policy comes in specialist positions will be the first to get the axe or at least no new positions are likely to be created…
loading...
Unless your a chaplin, because we all know they can do the job of a schooler counsellor/psychologist/social worker.
loading...
With teaching + psych undergrad you could work in the corporate world in learning and devt if that’s of interest? A headhunter specialising in HR could give you some good advise.
Wish you luck with the decision making
loading...
You can get various jobs with government departments or private employers with an undergrad, but your options are still somewhat limited. You’d be better off to dedicate the time now to obtain your Honours as it will give you so many more options. I know another year seems such a long time at this point, but it will be so worth it in the end. Good luck!! What type of work does your partner do?
loading...
Have settled well into our new apartment, was a lot easier than I expected, but then again after having moved to the other side of the world this one was a breeze! It took about 5 days but we are pretty much all moved in now. Here’s the kicker though husband had a phone call from a company in another State wanting an interview with him….so if the offer is good we will consider it which means moving AGAIN! I don’t want to think about it right now
but as husband said not like it will happen over night so…. but it would mean also having to pay 2 months of rent if we leave before our one year is up at the new place.
I’m loving the area we are in now though, makes it easier to be away from home when you’re in a place you enjoy! A great downtown area, lots of shops, restaurants & cafes within walking distance, plus great parks and walking trails. And also joined a new gym and hoping to stick to a schedule with the exercise…oh and excited about the Farmer’s market that happens every Sunday.
Have attached a pic of one of the walking/running trails we discovered the other day.
loading...
What a beautiful walking track!
loading...
Thanks HF and sorry for the late reply… time difference here with Australia doesn’t help
loading...
I want to live where you live, that track is amazing!
loading...
Thanks lealea…haha I know I couldn’t believe it when I saw it and it’s literally 5 mins walk from our new place! Need to explore more of it though… so much more to see.
loading...
Good job! I knew it would turn out for you!
We of course are moving somewhere regardless in 11 months – and we haven’t even moved into our new apt for the Fall yet! Visa expires in May, so we have until end of June to leave. So we are either moving home or to another uni – I reckon we have a 95% chance of it being home.
Loving the walking track!
loading...
Thanks Rach and sorry for the late reply, my sleep schedule has been so off lately! If you decide to stay on do you have to go back home and get a new visa? The one we are on can be renewed indefinitely. I don’t think we will be going home any time soon….
Thanks I love it too!
loading...
OMM: Seeing colleagues that started after me get promoted. It’s horrible. Long story I don’t really want to get into, but I have to wait until after September before I can be given a chance. I am doing really well at work, so I hope I can keep everything going like this for 2 more months.
Saving for the wedding (brothers) is tough. My Dad has offered to pay for my flights, but I can’t book until my boyfriend has done his tax return and has his money ready. Only just learned that you can’t pay flights off, they must be paid within 2 weeks! Ridiculous.
In a romantic mood these past few days, I blame Moulin Rouge! Have been watching the videos on YouTube religiously until I couldn’t stand it any longer and popped the movie on last night.
loading...
I was taking photos of the real Moulin Rouge just this morning……
loading...
I really hate my job. My boss is the kind of boss who makes a decision- then completely forget about it and when the time comes for that decision to impact things he changes his mind, leaving me looking like the idiot to everyone else, and to pick up the pieces. It sounds small but it impacts everyday, and everyday I feel completely stressed and like it’s ME that the failure that things haven’t worked out. It also means I can’t be autonomous in any aspect of the job, it’s tiring and time consuming have to double check every little silly thing. Which I’m very capable of working out on my own.
The thing is though- I’ve only been in the job three months, and I keep hoping it will get better. I’m also worried if I leave now it looks terrible and I can’t afford not work while looking. Thoughts? Advice?
loading...
HF, if you’re worried about how being in the job for a short time will look on your resume, and how you will explain it to future employers – you could always say that the job did not work out how it was presented to you on paper/in the job description/in the interview (or some similar wording)…
Good luck. I’ve been in roles that I hated before and the only solution was to get out.
Is it something you could talk to your boss about?
loading...
Thanks Bunny, I guess future employers (good ones) would know not every job works out, or so I hope.
I have mentioned it before and his response was that’s just the way he does things, the feeling I got was ‘my way or the highway’, and it IS his business. It just makes things very difficult for those of us who have to deal with it!
loading...
I’ve worked with this – it’s awful. My last manager was just like this.
Any way you can get the decision-making in writing, so you can show the process later? And just gently query at the time: “can I just check you would like to do things differently now; you said previously that you wanted to do it this way”? You need to be able to let them know somehow without feeling or looking silly.
loading...
I agree. Send a follow up email after every meeting saying “Just to clarify so we’re on the same page, you have said that you want A, B, C to be the outcome, so as agreed I will action X, Y, Z. Please let me know if I’ve left anything out”.
That way in the future when he tells you he changes his mind you can forward him the original email, saying “here is the original task, I would like to confirm that you would now like me to do 1, 2, 3 instead?” so it’s clear to everyone that you haven’t messed up.
Really sucks for you in the interum though.
loading...
It’s funny you mentioned this because I started doing this recently. Like today for example.
Most times I don’t get a response, or he say’s “well it still needs to be done” or “no I said this” when he clearly hasn’t! That’s all well and good for him, I have to rush around doing all the changes or undoing what’s already been done. It makes me feel really unprofessional as I work with a lot of 3rd parties, and I really pride myself on doing my job well.
It literally happens everyday. I know I’m not perfect, maybe I have got them wrong sometimes, but I know most of the time, I haven’t.
The solution may be that I have to leave. I have noticed the life span of many employees has been about 1 year to 1 year and half, about 3 people have left since I started. Which may or may not be a reflection of things…
Thanks for your advice
loading...
You could start applying for other positions and if you obtain a new position you could always say that your current role was a temp job … down the track if you get something else in the next few months, you could just use years instead of month+year format on your resume and leave this job off your resume altogether if you don’t want to explain it to prospective future employers.
loading...
OMM: my mother in law is not a very nice person. For years now she has caused problems, created dramas for us and others in the family. she is manipulative and last week she yelled at me like a tantrum throwing 3 yr old! My partner told her not to speak to me like that etc
Now there is no communication between us/them. My partner has said that she is like this and has caused issues with past relationships too. But he still thinks she can/will change… I have read a comment in the past that said MIL only affect you/your relationship if you let them, but I have to say its a little more complicated than that. He is after all her son and she is his mother…. I don’t expect him to ‘cut her out of his life’ but I am wondering if this is going to cause hell for the rest of mine……… I would appreciate advice.
loading...
I have this exact problem annon12. And you’re right – it is a bit more complicated than people think. Also, my OH is an only child, so it makes the situation even worse. I try and turn the other cheeck and hold my tounge, which most of the time is fne. But sometimes it isn’t! Like when she cooked me a soup with meat in it even though she know’s i’ve been vegetarian for 20 years!! I could taste it straight away and was horrified. Also,being yelled at or spoken to like a child is unacceptable – You need to stand up for yourself though, don’t get your partner to do it. Be assertive but reasonable. Last time my MIL said to me “I know you don’t like me either”, I replied, “it’s not that i don’t like you, it’s that I don’t appreciate the way you speak to me.” I find staying calm when i respond to her helps a lot.
Goodluck!
loading...
My comment to both of you is that even if your MIL doesn’t like or respect you, if she wants to have a relationship with her grandchild she needs to treat you with respect.
I know it’s passive aggressive, but if it was me I would refuse to see her other than when utterly necessary, and try to arrange for her not to see her grandchild without you.
You’re not just a breeding sow that incubated her grandchild – you’re the centre of her son and grandchild’s life, and she should treat you with the deserved respect. If she’s not going to do that then she doesn’t deserve a relationship with your child. Is that possible?
loading...
thank you both for your advice, responses. I wish you the best too.
loading...
OMM- Excited about the next big singles thing I’m going to with my friend but keen to lose a little bit of that weight I’ve been meaning to lose for awhile now…
Also feeling a little bit flat today even though everything is actually going really well; I’ve got some great friends, work is busy, doing plenty of things outside of work, sisters wedding plans are coming along well…
I’m just lonely really. I know I’m not the only one but I feel like I am in my circles.
Plus there is a guy that I really like but it’s not going anywhere. Long story, complicated past. But all the same I can’t get him off my mind.
loading...
I remember feeling the same way when I was single… so I concentrated on doing things that made me happy. Going to the singles do with your friend sounds like lots of fun! I always felt a little low when I was carrying that extra weight for winter!! It will come off…. and you won’t be single forever, enjoy it while you can…
loading...
Thanks for that! I know it will all be fine in the end
I’ve been keeping busy but maybe not with things that actually make me happy…
And while I’m hung up on this guy I do enjoy being single sometimes!
Thanks for listening to my story
loading...
I’m heading back to work next term. I wasn’t planning on heading until next year but I was offered my dream part-time teaching gig. It was too good to say no to. It’s not shared role and I have my own desk in my own room. Ever since my eldest was born 7 years ago I’ve had to share desks with messy people.
Sadly we kicked off the first day of school holidays with 4 out of 5 of us in bed with the flu/chest infections. I’m lying in bed now with my very sick 5 year old.
My awesome SIL picked up my daughter to take her out for lunch/movie and shopping. The poor thing has been the only well one and very bored.
loading...
OMM: babies, babies and more babies.
Im ‘relatively’ young at 26 and my husband and I had a miscarriage last year. after further testing the doctors found out that i may never be able to carry a pregnancy full term because of my ANA’s and other factors and they advised that I shouldn’t wait too long to try again. I reeeeeally want to try again while I’m still young but I don’t think my husband and i are financially able to have kids for a few more years (3 years) and i really don’t want to wait that long. What should i do? Anyone have any good advice?
loading...
Things will work out financially. If you and your husband are emotionally ready there is no point in waiting, let nature and your heart take precedence.
I waited till I was 37 to have a baby, because there was always something I had to do/achieve, financially or otherwise. We were lucky.
Go for it, there’s never a ‘perfect time’. Good luck x
loading...
Just have a baby! Even if you have to go into debt for it – money can be paid back, but you may never have another window of opportunity to have your own child. If it’s what you both want just do it:)
loading...
You mentioned ANAs so I presume you’re seeing a rheumatologist – ask him what he thinks and perhaps get a referral to an O&G who is experienced in your condition. I’m guessing they’re telling you that because they’re afraid of your conditioning worsening so that pregnancy isn’t possible at all. With time and health against you, you might have to do it sooner than you’d like. My sister got (unexpectedly) pregnant while her lupus was in early stages/not definitely diagnosed; her health was one of the reasons she only had one child.
Good luck.
loading...
I posted below that I was waiting for pregnancy results and the nurse has just rang me and i’m pregnant with my first baby!! So excited!! We only tried for a couple of months, so it’s worked out perfectly. The only bad thing is that I now cannot concentrate on work, or anything really….just can’t wait to get home tonight and tell my husband.
loading...
Congratulation! So exciting for you!
loading...
Congratulations!
How will you tell him? I have always wondered…
loading...
Congratulations!!!
loading...
He knows that i was getting the test etc and he saw the pregnancy test that i did, but will be nice to go home and confirm it to him!
Anyone have any tips on how to keep quiet about it for the next couple of months?!?!
loading...
Come on here and yell about it so that you don’t feel like you want to scream to the whole world! On the other hand, who says you have to keep quiet? I know lots of people don’t want to tell anyone in case (God forbid) you miscarry, but, from what I’ve been told, it feels much worse if you’ve been pregnant and then you miscarry and then you have to tell other people to gain the support that you would very well want and need. Maybe don’t tell every Joe Blow you run into, but maybe family and close friends.
Congratulations!
loading...
Congratulations from one pregnant Anon to another!!
I just found out I’m pregnant too, could not be more excited! We’ve also been trying for a few months.. I thought I was going to get another negative.. but did another home test and to my surprise it was positive in about 2 seconds.. It was sooo quick! I ran in and jumped on my husband and woke him up. We are over the moon!
zepgirl, it’s a tricky one I reckon! I want to tell the whole world but it if something does go wrong it would be terrible enough without having to spread the news. It’s soooo hard to keep quiet though!! We have told close family and a few friends though… Everyone at work will be wondering why I’ve been walking around with a stupid grin on my face for the last week! YAY!!
loading...
Yay!
loading...
Thanks everyone! And congrats to you too Anon, sounds like we’re at pretty much the exact same stage. Are you having any symptoms yet? I’m dead tired…
Also thank you zepgirl, i think i will come on here and yell it out, good advice!!
loading...
Yes, I think we are at the same stage
I’m not really feeling any different yet, I’ve felt a bit off a few times but not sure if that was something else.. My boobs have grown though!!
Have you told your husband yet??
loading...
Oh yes my boobs have grown and are sore…..
i told him and we are both very excited to have it official!
loading...
OMM- I want a job!!! Now in my 4th week of unemployment and the cabin fever is setting in…
I am looking to change careers and have applied for many, many jobs but have yet to hear anything positive or get an interview. Its frustrating because I know I would excel at all of the jobs I have applied for and have many transferable skills I fear employers are looking at my recent job history and wondering why I am now applying for their job…
If anyone knows of any jobs going in Adelaide (CBD to southern suburbs) please let me know, I will take just about anything!!
loading...
I’ve been having precisely this problem since October last year. Really hope you have some better luck than I’ve had. Try having a look at your cv and see if there’s anything that you can ‘clean up’ a little. Also, after each application that you send in, call the person you sent it to in order to ensure that they received it, just so that you can be on their radar a little (if you’re not already doing that). I’ve gained interviews just through doing that. Good luck!
loading...
Join the club! I fear that people look at my ‘can do – and has done – anything’ resume and think I’ll get bored. Couldn’t be further from the truth. I actually want a part time ‘tick the box and collect the super and enjoy office social life’ type of job, so I can then do my solitary freelance work for the other two days and not go mad …j.
Good luck to you both!
loading...
Thanks Zepgirl & Lizi, good to you both too!!
loading...
OMM: feeling awful today about my strained relationship with my mum. About a week and a half ago I asked her nicely to back off a bit and she isn’t taking it so well. I have the full support of my partner and psychiatrist on this so I know it was the right thing to do for my own mental health but it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. I hate making people upset.
Some mothers seem to have trouble letting go.
I comfort eat too so my diet is out of the window today.
loading...
Jamila looks gorgeous in all of the pics
Harry is V cute. Whose dog is Harry?
loading...
He’s Mia’s.
loading...
Aww thanks Alix! It’s a change of dress-code from my last job, that’s for sure. I no longer have to make the pressure filled choice between black, charcoal, navy and grey suits each morning. PHEW!
loading...
OMM: I have to fire someone this week.. Feeling very conflicted about it. I know it’s the right thing to do in terms of the business, but can’t get past the fact that this is a human being with feelings and emotions. Does anyone have any advice for me on how to deal with the situation with as much compassion as possible?
loading...
I feel for you. I have a friend who had to fire lots of people recently in a big shake up at his workplace and he found it terribly traumatic and didnt sleep for a week leading up to it.
Good luck.
loading...
Unless you’re firing them because they’re really terrible, then try and be positive. Everyone offers something to the workplace, find that good trait and make sure you point it out!
loading...
I had to let someone go last year and it was horrible. I empathise and will just say that there’s no nice way to do it. I made sure that I wrote down as many supportive statements as I could, because I knew that he wasn’t going to take it well and would make comments so I made sure I was prepared in that way. I also stressed that it wasn’t my personal decision, but one that had been made via a number of different avenues and I was purely the ‘messenger’ when he started to get angrier!
Truly a horrible thing to have to do then, but remember it is a fact of life and you aren’t the first person and the last to have to do such a job. Think of it as character building (for you and for him!).
loading...
As someone who only found out today that my department will be disbanded in January, I feel for you. My boss looked absolutely awful & full of guilt as he told us. I’m sad, but I’m ok. These things happen, it was never going to last forever. The person will be in shock for a while, but they will be fine.
Good luck.
loading...
A photo of the birthday cake I made for myself a few weeks ago went viral after appearing on foodgawker!!!
Although the blog gets pretty good hit numbers (for a “mummy blog” that I write on when I get the chance!!!!) I have NEVER had anywhere near the number of hits that I got this week as a result of the gawker appearance!
Put a MASSIVE Smile on my face!
Below is the pic that appeared and a link to the recipe!
http://phoodie.wordpress.com/2012/06/24/1000-layer-crepe-cake-w-choc-fudge-sauce-ferrero-crumb-and-espresso-creme/
loading...
Holy shit, Phoodie, that cake is MASSIVE. The photo here doesn’t do it justice – you need to put the final product photo on – WOW!! Just out of curiosity, do you serve each guest one whole wedge of cake or do you cut it again? PS Love your site!
loading...
Here’s another pic showing full height!!
Thanks so much for your lovely comment!
One wedge of cake serves about 5 people!!! 5 or so little triangles each – I explain this better in the post!!! SO SO rich but delicious and we had HEAPS left over!
loading...
Ohhhh phoodie, that looks incredibly delicious!! BTW my birthday is November 4……
hee hee
loading...
hehehehe!!!
I would make it for you if I could but…..you can make it SO SO easily!!
PROMISE, as the post says, it is NOT HARD AT ALL to make, just kinda time consuming!
loading...
I’ll have the left overs on my birthday Nov 5
loading...
Love it!! Also love your blog, especially all the photos you put up with the recipes!
loading...
hooray! a phan!
Got plenty of stuff going on behind the scenes plus an exciting announcement coming soon so make sue you are subscribed / following on twitter (@phoodietweets) or Facebook – http://www.facebook.com/phoodieblog
loading...
That cakee is awesome! I’ve had a look at your blog and it is very impressive. My little boy turns one next month and I have already sent out invitations to a mad hatters tea party. Can’t wait! I have been working hard designing a mad hatter caketoo snd hsve been trying to figure out how to do the rim….. your icing coated cut up hat looks like a good solution
loading...
Was SUCH a phun phun theme!!!
I’ve got it all sorted out for you on the Mad Hatters post so just look there for everything!!
loading...
Phoodie, you impress me.
loading...
Too kind Lucy!
Working on my next “impressive” post…admittedly a little hard after that one! 
loading...
Phoodie I just read your entire blog. It is awesome!
1. I am now really hungry
2. I want to have a baby so I can plan a an awesome first birthday party
loading...
You are HILARIOUS!!!
I find all kids birthdays super fun to plan!!!
My son turns 1 in September and he shares a bday w his Dad! (my hubby) its gonna be a BIGGGGG One…make sure to check it out when I blog it!!!
loading...
sounds and looks amazing!!! YUM
loading...
Thanks so much!
loading...
OMM – People with their topic suggestions (All good by the way). Here is another one, budgeting and finance. Please?
I really enjoyed the end of financial year post and would like more stuff, if you are able to.
OMM2 – Dear foxtel, every end of financial year, I can’t help but to start singing in my head “Happy EOFYS”, so damn you and your effective advertising!!!
loading...
OMM how to walk away from a friend who isnt being a ‘friend’.
I have several friends from my youth who I have kept in contact with into our 20′s. Two of them, in different ways have really been disrespectful. I have been with them through thick and thin, but the last few weeks I have realised that im the only one who actually gives a damn in the friendship, while they use me.
I havent really had to ‘cut away’ a friend before, usually i drift from people, but these are the constant contact types, so i dont think its going to be as easy and amicable as I would like if i just stop responding.
Any tips from people who have ‘been here, done that’ would be greatly appreciated.
loading...
I suggest having a face to face with them and pointing out to them the ways they haven’t been kind in your friendship. If you can’t do face to face, maybe a long well thought out email. I’ve had to do this with two almost lifelong friends who weren’t being friends. One was a phonecall initially, but both ended up with long email communication ultimately. Sometimes its important to recognise what is a friendship out of habit versus something that hurts you. Best wishes x
loading...
Thanks Haven Maven, I live interstate from both of them, so I think an email will be the answer. Glad to hear I am not in a lonely boat! Thanks x
loading...
Unfortunately I have no advice. All I can say is I know how you feel!!
loading...
I have been working in the bands library here on campus for about a month now. It is not a borrowing library, it’s a performance library, where we maintain the scores and parts for the bands (22000 titles – biggest in the US!). I love it! Right now we are reducing old titles – it is like stepping back in time in the world of military/concert bands (I’m a band geek). University of Illinois had the first college band program in the world, and some of their handwritten notes and alternate parts are still there from as early as 1905…it is like a time machine.
OMM though is my current level of frustration at…well…everything else. I’m tired of trying to live like a student when we previously worked full time for 8 years. Tired of never having travelled unless its to do with work/study or related (i.e. I’ve never been on a real holiday). Tired of not being able to get on with real life like the rest of the world seems to be (FB pregnancy announcements seem to be a daily occurrence ATM…happy for everyone, but they make me cry). Husband is treating me pretty well at the moment, but I am just getting a little snarkier each day, and I can’t help it. I feel like a bad person, then two seconds later seem to be able to justify it to myself. Gahh!
loading...
I know what you mean about the pregnancy stuff, I honestly don’t even know when it’s going to happen or where! I think we are going to be the traveling family, since I have no idea where we will be in a years time.. or even in 6 months time (husband had a pre-interview for a job in another state today)…. will it be here, will we be back home, in another State here in the US or in another country altogether!
I suppose others have traveled and relocated with kids so it can be done…
Sound like you are enjoying work though which is good and extremely helpful in times like this!
loading...