Do You Like This Story?
Mia4 380x567 Open Post: Whats on your mind?

Publisher Mia Freedman

BY MIA FREEDMAN Welcome to Mamamia’s Wednesday tradition that is open post of the week. Once a week we dispense with a theme and just open the post to you and anything you want to talk about.

On My Mind (OMM): I am constantly tortured by the idea that I’m not capturing memories. That I’m failing to record all those special moments. So periodically, I go into a frenzy of photo taking, inspired by the thought of all those heart-warming images I’ll have on film. And then … what?

The biggest challenge in documenting modern life is what you do with all the evidence. Invariably, all those digital photos start piling up in different place – Facebook, Twitter, blogs, flickr, iphoto, your phone, various hard drives….. waiting accusingly for you to DO SOMETHING WITH THEM, DAMMIT.

People have been observing for a while now that we are the generation who won’t leave anything behind (other than, yo know, environmental damage).

I have boxes of letters and photos going back to primary school but the letters stop in the nineties and the photos stop around 2004 when life began to go virtual.

My teenage son has half a dozen photo albums documenting his babyhood. A few years later when my daughter was born? Not a tangible thing. Yes, she has albums but between one child and the next, this word has come to represent something entirely different – a collection of photos on my computer. Sure, there are hundreds of them – and even the odd digital album I’ve made -  but where my firstborn will have volumes of actual albums and boxes of photos, she’ll have … a hard disk or 5? And don’t even get me started on my third child. He just has some snaps on my phone. OH THE GUILT.

At least the idea of grabbing your photo albums in case of fire is now virtually redundant. You simply grab your computer.

But what is this innate need I have to see my life and the life of my family all laid out and properly documented? What’s that about?

When we first began talking to LifeWise (a non-commercial organisation promoting the benefits of Life Insurance and income protection) about what we could do at Mamamia around this idea of awareness, I brought up the idea of wishing I had a Time Capsule to pull together all my life memories from all the different digital places I’m stockpiling them.

We spent the next 6 months developing the Lifewise Time Capsule which we launched this week and which we’ve been playing with for days. It’s a bit addictive (and free and this is not a sponsored post and woot!).

Here is a screen shot of part of my time capsule – we have some more in the behind-the-scenes gallery from others in the MM Team:

lifewise3 Open Post: Whats on your mind?

It’s super simple to make your own -takes all of 60 seconds – you just go here and follow the instructions.

I also had a fun day last Friday taking a 3yo dressed in a superman costume and his 1year old fairy god sister onto live television. If you haven’t seen how that went down, take a look:

Now take a look at what’s been happening around MM HQ this week. Photos are by MM’s news editor Rick Morton. (who is good fun to follow on Twitter).

Matching! My scarf is from Joshua Goot, jacket is Supre, pants and shoes are Sportsgirl.

Your turn now… what’s on your mind?

Comments

Comment Guidelines : Imagine you’re at a dinner party. Different opinions are welcome but keep it respectful or the host will show you the door. We have zero tolerance for any abuse of our writers, our editorial team or other commenters. So if you’re rude, mean-spirited, snarky, aggressive, defamatory or bitchy, your comment will be deleted (so will any replies to the original comment – so don’t bother arguing with rude people, instead just hit the ‘alert moderator’ button).
And if you’re offensive, you’ll be blacklisted and all your comments will go directly to spam. Remember what Fonzie was like? Cool. That’s how we’re going to be – cool. Have fun and thanks for adding to the conversation…

Use your profile to comment: Or, comment as a guest:
(Max file size is 150kb & jpeg's only - if you need help resizing go here »)
*

343 Comments so far

  1. mmfan12

    HI all, would love some feedback if you dont mind….
    I am a new mum, (baby is almost 1) with my partner (have been in relationship since 2010) my MIL is a nasty bit of gear and has caused a lot of grief for us as a couple and me in particular.
    My partner told me tonight if anything happens to us (i.e. we die) he wants our son to go to his youngest brother, who only recently married his partner who does not respond to my emails nor has she sent an email asking how her new nephew is. So please imagine how I feel right now and adivse me on what to do ….. I have a sister and brother with children who love me, my partner and my child, and would be able to care for my son emotionally and financially, but my partner would not want this as ‘they have already had kids’. Please help… feeling lost.

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
  2. ANON!

    Omm: royal brisbane hospital urology dept is shit….I’m getting counselling after the terrible treatment I’ve had. A botched op followed by another failed attempt & very poor service if you’d call it that. Sadly our health system is just soo terrible & I had to experience it 1st hand :(

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • mmfan12

      HI all, would love some feedback if you dont mind….
      I am a new mum, (baby is almost 1) with my partner (have been in relationship since 2010) my MIL is a nasty bit of gear and has caused a lot of grief for us as a couple and me in particular.
      My partner told me tonight if anything happens to us (i.e. we die) he wants our son to go to his youngest brother, who only recently married his partner who does not respond to my emails nor has she sent an email asking how her new nephew is. So please imagine how I feel right now and adivse me on what to do ….. I have a sister and brother with children who love both me, my partner and my child, but my partner would not want this as ‘they have already had kids’. Please help… feeling lost.

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
  3. m

    OMM: Ok here it goes. I spent the summer in Kenya volunteering at an orphanage. When i got home one of my friends (an aspiring journalist) asked if she could write an article re my experiences. I agreed on the proviso that the article would include information on how to donate, sponsor kids or volunteer. She wrote the article and submitted it to a local paper. It was ready to be published when my friend decided to retract it because she wasn’t getting paid for it. I feel so petty because I’m so angry and frustrated with her her because the article could have resulted in money for people who need it desperately. I guess I’m asking for advice on what to do or how to talk to her about it. Any advice would be welcome! :-)

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
  4. Aleisha

    Hi everyone, I have a quick question for you all.

    This week I have an interview with the public service and I can’t decide on wearing my hair up or down. Yes, I’m really asking if I should wear my hair up or down for an interview. I know it’s the least of my worries but I’ve heard so many conflicting things and want to make a good impression.

    I have long, dark, sleek hair which I always wear out and think looks great with the suit I bought. I don’t like wearing my hair up in a pontytail (I’m 21 but I think it makes me look even younger) and a bun is proving difficult because of my layers.

    I’d like to wear it out (i think it actually looks neater and prettier) but my question to you is: all things being equal, is an up-do considered more professional and the way to go, especially when making a first impression in a corporate environment?

    I honestly have no idea, nor experience with all of this! Sorry for the ridiculousness that is this post.

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • cher

      I’ve heard experts suggest that a bun is best, but only if it’s neat and tidy. Otherwise, I’d wear it down :)

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
  5. Anonymous

    My boyfriend broke up with me a couple of weeks ago saying we had ‘different personalities and it wasn’t working’. It seemed to come out of nowhere and I was really shocked. We would fight a bit but always about silly things like what movie to see etc. I was devastated and persuaded him to work it out. We then got back together and everything seemed to be great for a week or so but then he said it wasn’t working and we should break up again, that he’d tried hard but it wasn’t how it should be. I was devastated and depressed..didn’t wanna get out of bed, couldn’t stop crying etc. He came to visit me and I was so happy..cooked him dinner, tried to win him back etc and everything was amazing..we hooked up etc..This happened again and he seemed super into me and happy. But we talked tonight and I don’t think anything has changed :( Now he is saying maybe its too overwhelming and he’s not ready..that it generally doesn’t feel right even though he likes me and is attracted to me…

    I know i should never chase men and he obviously doesn’t want to do this and I should let go. But he is my best friend and I feel like I can’t live without him! And it just hurts so much that he doesn’t seem to love me or want me as much as I want him! I treat him well and I try to do everything to make him happy. I am a good, kind person and relatively attractive! I feel like no one will ever love me and that something is wrong with me cause as much as I give he does not want me :(

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • roserusso

      I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Trust me when I tell you we have ALL been there and it sucks. Majorly.

      If it were me you really need to take some time out to think about what YOU want. All I hear is what he wants and when he wants you back you just let him have you back. How about next time this happens don’t let him back in so easily? Even if it kills you it’ll teach him a lesson. You are not there to use and be used.

      You are worth more than that and it’s about time he realised that.

      You can live without him. While it might seem impossible now through all the emotions you are feeling – time and distance away from the problem helps. It may not *heal* everything and you will always hold a special place for him… you may have to accept that he is not the one for you.

      Do something for yourself and spend time with your closest friends. You will find love again, whether with him or someone else but you will only ever find it when you are happiest within yourself.

      Perhaps to start with just give yourself a week without speaking to him. Tell him you need space and the situation is confusing you. You may need to be prepared to let him go as a friend… but this is the unfair fact of life, some of our most cherished and loved people just stick around in our lives as friends as the lines blur. This wouldn’t be fair on either of you.

      Take care xx

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
  6. OssieLeo

    I need advice.. Most of you will know that I am a single mum to three gorgeous kids and have no family in Aus etc. Etc ( sorry for all the rants) recently the boys dad who has not seen them for close to 5 years (his choice) asked if he can see my youngest but is not too fussed about seeing our other boy (9yo) because master 9 is effeminate and has mild Aspergers. He says that he ‘just doesn’t get the boy’. I am angry and my instinct is to say no as I know master 9 will be very hurt, but is it fair to stop my youngest from seeing his dad finally… What would you do? I am so confused and torn.

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • elle

      I would say no because I think its ridiculous that he would want to see only one of his sons and not the other! I don’t think it is worth the pain it will cause. I know he is their father but I think if he is not willing to see BOTH his sons after 5 years than they are better off without him and can decide when they’re older if they want to see him.

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
      • Ella89

        Definitely agree with this!

        GD Star Rating
        loading...
    • indi

      I would say no too. You can’t pick and choose and I don’t know any father who wouldn’t want to see their 9 yr old son that they haven’t seen for soooo many years, no matter what. Maybe if had had more contact in the last five years, he might ‘just get the boy’. I am sure you have been a fantastic mother to these boys and you choosing for the 5 yr old not to see his dad won’t make a difference as he hasn’t til now anyway. When he is old enough to understand you can explain the story honestly. And I am sure he would agree with you that you made the right choice….. I am sure your 5 yr old loves his brother any which way. that is true love for you. good luck and its just my opinion, obviously. Only going on a small amount of knowledge of it all.

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
  7. Guest too lazy to get a MM membership!

    OMM….its one of those days….Hubby works with a company doing major restructuring with lots of sackings and 1 office closed so he is in stress mode and I’m worried his Anxiety will come back as I can see some signs, we are going through fertility treatment, my employer is shaky with a possible job cuts and I’m in Management and wonder where the company will end up and how many staff and families will be affected and its all due to one external idiot. Find out hubby’s health is not good (aside from potential Anxiety)…..just a crap day. Oh and I’m tired and freezing my ass off!

    Life can suck so much sometimes but then it can be so good the next!

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
  8. Alice

    Just wanted to say that I agree with all of Miss T and Rainbow’s comments. You guys are bringing the awesome today!!

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
  9. simmy

    mia, i totally agree with you about digital memories…my husband and i are very keen amatures photographers and found a great way to have some sort of yearly album put together. we found snapfish, an online company where you upload your photos and make albums that are printed out and delivered to your house (no, its not my company and i dont work for them). so we shoot away during the year and just before xmas we put together an album of the best shots, recording all that happened that year, sometimes we give them as xmas gifts to grandparents too. you should look into it, relly fun to put your album together as well.

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
  10. J

    On My Mind: A boy. Ohhh the first world problems!
    He’s ticks a lot of the boxes. Deliciously tall and handsome, caring (to a point), funny – tick, tick, tick. We’ve been rocking the very casual thing for months. I called it off awhile ago (purely in the name of self preservation, heaven forbid I should stop over analysing and just enjoy myself) but as sometimes happens, its back on again.
    Ladies and gents of Mamamia, how on this earth do I broach ‘the chat’?! I’ve never been backwards in coming forwards EVER but with him, I can’t bring myself to say the words.

    My life is SUCH a trial sometimes. ;-) Happy Thursday to you all!

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • Lottie

      Define ‘the chat’?

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
      • roserusso

        The “where is this going?” chat!

        I would just be straight with him but don’t ramble on. Tell him you like him and ask if he’d like to just start seeing you and stop seeing other people for a while.

        (That’s if he is seeing other people mind you, you don’t want to insult the guy)

        See what happens. What have you got to lose?!

        Oh and please keep us all informed :) x

        GD Star Rating
        loading...
  11. Steph

    OMM: We bought a beautiful 90 year old Underwood typewriter at a flea market today in Budapest for FORTY THREE AUSTRALIAN DOLLARS!!
    However, it weighs about 13kgs and we don’t know how to get it home to Aus. in October… thoughts?!

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • Katherine

      That is gorgeous. I have typewriter envy now.

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
      • Steph

        It is SO beautiful! I love it. It even has the Hungarian alphabet on it, which makes it even more special.

        GD Star Rating
        loading...
  12. Sam

    I have a MIL from hell. I don’t know what to do, she is so nasty, manipulative and is causing so many probs for me and my partner. She has openly admitted to wanting my partner to be with another… she ignores me sometimes and is over the top nice other times. She is a gossip and has told her friends and other family members I had an elective C- sec when that is a lie. And has told them I don’t let her and husband see their grandchild…. which is also untrue.

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • El Belle

      You poor love, I know what you mean.

      On a post about MIL’s a few months ago one commenter said they went to a counsellor for advice and coping mechanisms and it worked a treat.

      Sometimes it’s the hardest thing to accept that people just won’t change.

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
  13. Anon

    3 very close friends have allhad their second/third babies in the last month. So happy for them but it brings to the surface all the emotions of our miscarriage few months back. I have 2 beautiful children who we adore. And then we had a miscarriage. And now my friends hold their babies in arms, our one didn’t make it. We will never hold our baby. Feeling happy for friends, sad for me. Sorry for the pity party.

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • El Belle

      A natural response, sending love your way xx

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
  14. Regrets...

    I take a pregnancy test tomorrow after our first ICSI IVF round. After almost 3 years and 2 failed IUIs, we finally found out what may have caused our infertility so hoping ICSI has resolved this.

    I have a feeling im not pregnant though. After 3 years I guess you kinda get into such a negative headspace about it – I wouldn’t believe a positive result if I saw it. Praying that my nana in heaven put a request into the big man for us. Please God, let this be our turn. I’m tired of this purgatory.

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
  15. av

    OMM:
    Miranda kerr looked absolutly beautiful. The episode of master chef was entertaining tonight and matt truly looks enormous next to george. That im loving this weather and the cool change and looking forward to hot teas in bed when its raining outside. Im thinking that the men in parliment runnning this country really need to get a grip and grow some..and finally…that nats favourite accressory, the babylips from maybelline, is life changing

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
  16. Anonymous

    OMM – work and lovelife (unfortunately in that order!). Work has been completely nuts at the moment, with me being without a supervising manager AND A junior executive… it’s just mental with me literally keeping three positions ticking along with major projects (our receptionist is sick of putting all the calls for my department through to me, too!) Although all jobs are supposed to be advertised internally, the supervising manager (one position up from where I’m at currently) position was advertised on a job site under TWO different agencies for TWO different salary bands (??). I enquired as to why the job wasn’t advertised internally to be told “no one here has the skill set”. Hmm… seems I’m good enough to hold the fort while they recruit for the new position, but not in the long term? I spoke to the department GM about it, and lo and behold today I get an email inviting me to apply for it. The question is now, do I want to apply for it as I think it seems like a ‘pity’ or ‘guilt’ opportunity?? Not really sure as I don’t think I have the support of the Management/Board, but all my colleagues keep asking if I’ve been offered the position already as I’m “perfect for the role”…hmmm… I’ve got a couple of days to decide!

    LOVELIFE – And with three friends announcing in the last two weeks that they’re having a baby, my lack of boyfriend/husband is really starting to shit me. It’s been a loooooong time since my last relationship and I really haven’t found any man worthwhile pursuing in recent times – should I just get back into the swing of things and date a few guys I’m not interested in, or wait for a real contender to show up out of the blue?!?!? I’m now starting to get worried that at 34, I’m leaving my run a bit late to enjoy a relationship for a couple/few years before having to have the baby discussion…

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • Free

      Apply for the job — if it’s what you want. And don’t work yourself into a know about the fact that you had to ask about it to be invited to apply. Maybe they’re just not as well organized as they could be about this, but if you work yourself up into a huff it will show in the selection process. You’ve been doing the job, and you know you can handle it, so emphasize this at every opportunity.

      As for the men thing, neither one of the options you’ve put forward (go on dates/wait for a contender) will prove fatal. So perhaps give yourself a few more weeks to decide what you’d like to do. Have a think about it, and then get back to yourself, as it were. Thirty-four is not terminal.

      Hope it all gets better soon!

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
    • MissV

      I feel your pain about work. I’m in a similar situation.
      If you want the role apply for it, if you don’t, then don’t. The worse that’ll happen is that you won’t be successful but you’ll still have your job.

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
  17. Kris2040

    Had a shitty couple of weeks uni wise, got dicked around with a group assignment, then had the person who did the dicking around have a go at the other two of us for going to the course co-ord and sorting something out so we could get the thing done (it wasn’t particularly hard, but we needed everyone’s input right from the start, and that didn’t happen).
    That, on top of having had a sick little girl the week before last totally messed me up. I put in for academic consideration for an extension for an essay that was due yesterday though and got it! PHEW. I just thought it was worth mentioning as we were talking about academic consideration last week on this post. All I had to do was apply online and do a stat dec (I didn’t have any doctor’s cert or anything this time around – just told my tale of shittiness on it). It’s worth a shot if you feel you need the help!

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • roserusso

      Hope you have a relaxing weekend Kris and next week looks brighter for you. Hope Kdot is feeling better too xxx

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
    • MissV

      that’s what i hate about uni – group assignments. I had one where I was put in a group with two international students who actually could not speak any english. Hell.
      I ended up telling the lecturer I was just going to do it on my own without a group.

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
  18. Sdot

    OMM – grief. Grief and trauma. I have had 5 pregnancies resulting in 2 healthy children. My first pregnancy was ectopic and I have had two miscarriages in the last 5 months. I never dealt properly with any of these losses. I just picked up, carried on and kept my numerous plates spinning. Until the last miscarriage at Easter. After that I couldn’t carry on and fell in a screaming heap. Anyway, I’m seeing a counsellor and I’m improving. Very slowly. My issue is how difficult and painful and time consuming it is just to feel better. Why does it have to be so damn hard to work through the grief!?

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • Katie

      My comment is directly below yours but I had 2 miscarriages before my 2nd daughter was stillborn and then experienced infertility due to the stress and grief of losing our daughter. I went and saw a grief psychologist and it was the best thing I could have done.
      I hope you feel better soon and that your 2 healthy children help to brighten up your day x

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
      • Sdot

        Thanks a lot Katie and very best of luck with your pregnancy. I’m sending you all the good vibes in the world x

        GD Star Rating
        loading...
    • B

      After my two miscarriages (the second conceived quite quickly after the first loss) I let my body have a break for about 4 months – no trying, just sex for pleasure and being with my partner. I needed to get off the roundabout. It felt so good to give myself some space and NOT be trying. It was driving me crazy. When we did start to try again I fell pregnant quite quickly and third time lucky all went well. Sometimes giving yourself that space to grieve and take the pressure off can help.
      Best of luck and love to you xx

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
      • Sdot

        Thank you B, you’re very kind. I love to hear good news stories x

        GD Star Rating
        loading...
  19. Katie

    I got given one of those ‘bears of hope’ after my 2nd daughter was stillborn at 22 weeks in January last year.

    So what’s on my mind? Well, I am now 22 weeks pregnant again and as you can imagine it’s the scariest week of my life!

    I guess that Mia and Bec (and many others) will know the fear of being pregnant again after losing a baby.. I really just can’t wait to be holding a healthy, full-term, alive baby in my arms.

    I am also on full bed rest this pregnancy which is very crazy (I have to spend 24 hours a day in bed and am not even allowed to sit up to eat).
    My poor 4 year old can not understand why her mum has to lie in bed all day long (of course we have tried to explain that mummy is staying in bed to keep the baby in my tummy safe but it’s hard for her to understand)..
    And my poor husband had to do everything (all the cooking, cleaning, bring me every meal in bed and try and still work a full time job).

    Deep breath!

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • Mel

      Good luck Katie. Thoughts are with you the next 4 months will fly.
      I wish you all the best.

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
    • Ecidnac

      Oh Katie, you poor thing. Here I was feeling sorry for myself due to a few minor worries, but they seem insignificant now. How are you coping with total bedrest? Can you get up to go to the toilet? I hope you have plenty of visitors/mags/dvds to cheer you up. Sounds like your husband is a keeper. I hope all goes well and one day your beautiful future baby grows up to appreciate how hard their mummy fought for them during the pregnancy. Hang in there. xx

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
      • Katie

        Thanks x
        I am allowed to get up to use the toilet and have a short shower every second day. The first few weeks I was in hospital and not allowed to use the toilet or shower.. I never want to see another bed pan as long as I live!!

        GD Star Rating
        loading...
    • chellebelle

      I know you do it because you have to, but seriously, I don’t know how you do it! I would go barking mad not being able to get up for that long! I imagine it would be hard/confusing on your 4 year old, but they are very versatile creature. Well done for getting this far, and I hope the next part goes quickly.

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
  20. MissNeriss

    It’s been ages since I’ve had the time to hang out on Mamamia, I’ve just been too busy with my baby!

    However, Monday was my first day back at work after my three months of post-birth maternity leave and man oh man does it suck. I had a little cry dropping her off at day care in the morning and then sat in the office all day trying to pretend I wasn’t miserable. It took all my resolve not to hand in my resignation.

    I know she will be fine and will probably thrive, but it’s just too soon for me. I miss the cuddles, the laughing and even the crying (I know, mad!).

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • simone

      Give yourself 3 weeks then decide. x

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
    • Kate

      Do you have the option of taking longer maternity leave?
      I can’t imagine leaving my little ones at 3 months..

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
      • MissNeriss

        Sadly, no. I live in the Netherlads an 16 weeks is what we get (4 weeks before, 10 weeks afterwards). At least I’ve been able to drop a day…

        GD Star Rating
        loading...
    • Marls

      Three months?

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
      • MissNeriss

        Rubbish, I know!

        GD Star Rating
        loading...
    • Steph

      Hang in there! I was in childcare at 3 months old and survived just fine – I know it killed Mum at the time but you gotta do what you gotta do.
      Your bub will be fine and so will you. I agree with Simone – give it 3 weeks.
      xoxox

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
  21. ladybird

    Not much is on my mind. Too tired. I dream of sleep!

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
  22. roserusso

    What’s on my mind…. hmm lots of random things.

    - How much I love my kitten like she’s my daughter

    - How quickly all my money goes each pay I really need to set myself a budget. I used to have a fair chunk of savings and after my break up I spent a lot of it on retail therapy. Need to start all over again!

    - The pash n dash I had the other night with a super cute boy. It was random but it was HOT. I felt like I was in a scene from a movie… an hour of kissing in a room hidden from the rest of the club. If I didn’t have any self respect I probably would’ve had sex in there ;)

    Did I just say that? Oops looks like I did!

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • Louisec

      Yay Rose! You go girl xxx

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
  23. cher

    OMM – my boss is taking maternity leave for 18 months and the pressure is on for me to apply for her job.

    I know it’s a great opportunity and I should build up my resume BUT I’m just not ambitious. I love what I’m doing right now.

    However, it’s also possible that I might enjoy the challenge and it might send me in a new direction that could be very rewarding.

    Do I have a go and take a chance? Or stay where I am in a job that makes me happy??? How on earth do people make these decisions!

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • redridinghood

      Do what you want to do – there will be pressure from your organisation to apply, because guess what? Life will be easier for them if you take over the job. My advice – go with your gut, forget about what you think you ‘should’ be doing.

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
    • ParisChic

      If they’re keen for you to take over why not suss it out, ask for a bit of a pay rise, other perks like a flex day/work from home or whatever…? You never know what you might get, and even if you get your way it doesn’t mean you have to take it!

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
    • cher

      Thanks, great advice. Think I’ll go for it – even if it’s terrible it’s only 18 months out of my life. And hey, I might not get it and then life goes on as normal.

      I do like the idea of negotiating too – I’ve had big hints dropped from up above, so I might have some room to move :)

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
      • chellebelle

        And it doesn’t even have to be 18 months. If you weren’t going to apply they’d probably have to advertise. As it is you can try it. If after 6 months you don’t like it, you can “resign” back to your substantive role and they can advertise like they were going to have to anyway. Win win. Oh – providing of course they back-fill your substantive role and don’t expect you to do 2 jobs.

        GD Star Rating
        loading...
  24. Anon today :)

    OMM I am pregnant.
    Wow. First time I’ve actually ‘said’ the words!
    My ‘baby’ is 8, and this is a surprise blessing. I had finally ventured back to my career after a 10 year break to raise my little ones. I had started to create a professional network again. We were starting to get ahead financially again and now….
    All I can worry about this week, is HOW we are going to do this. Financially, mentally etc etc.
    I know. It’s awful. I should be thrilled. And I will be..once I prepare myself.

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
  25. Kate R

    Saw Prince last night – loved every minute – was fantastic to the power of…to the power of Prince I guess! SO glad I went.

    OMM: I noticed so many people fiddling with their phones during the show – why not just enjoy it while you’re there, surely Twitter/FB/whatever can hear about it after the event??

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
  26. Cola

    Does anyone know where Nicky’s notepad is from? In love!

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
  27. vaniat

    OMM: completely addicted to Mamamia now!! Such a great site!!

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
  28. rainbow

    OMM- can you watch TV eg. iView or the commercial network equivs on an iPad?

    why would i buy an iPad over an andriod tablet or would i be better off buying a laptop?

    can mikey of the cool shoes do an IT post for us, pretty please?

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • eternally

      Yep, I love iView on the iPad. And if you have an apple tv thing, you can put it on your tv!

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
  29. kajy

    OMM: My house was broken into this afternoon while I was getting my daughter from school. Although they didn’t take much, my two ipads and two laptops, I feel violated by the fact they have been in my house and in my bedroom, but also because they will see my photo’s etc from my ipads it is really freaking me out. Luckily my hubby will be home from his trip soon so I wont have to spend the night alone. It really annoys me that there are certain people that think it is ok to take stuff that does not belong to them and that nothing happens to them when and if they are ever found.

    Feel better now. Thanks for listening.

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • Louisec

      How awful! Totally understand why you feel bad about this. Did you call the police? They are probably junkies – and will try and sell them at local pawn shops. They won’t be interested in keeping them. So tonight find out which shops they are and visit them first thing in the morning. WIth luck and persistence you may get them back. A

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
      • kajy

        Police came and dusted for prints but didn’t get anything but found out that the people two houses down from us got done as well, so hopefully might get something from them.

        GD Star Rating
        loading...
        • Tala

          Do you have ‘find my iPad’ on your iPads?
          I had it on mine, and was burgled a few months ago. I used my iPhone to wipe all info from the iPad if they connect to the internet, or you can track it if they connect.

          GD Star Rating
          loading...
  30. kaufman

    Help! I need to apply for special consideration for a subject at uni because I didn’t participate in a group assignment. I’m in first year and very frightened and unsure of what’s happening.
    How does uni work? What happens if I fail subjects? I’m doing an arts degree and can’t ask my parents for advice.

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • Kate R

      Kaufman – go to your tutor and ask for some information/assistance. Don’t be scared! They usually respond much better to a face to face request for an extension rather than an email one.

      If you’re finding the whole experience really overwhelming, most unis have a counselling service on campus. A few sessions might give you the confidence you need to navigate your way through this new experience.

      Good luck! xx

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
      • kaufman

        Thank you, Kate R. I think my issue is that I have come from a very supportive high school, I am not used to the impersonal nature of uni! Is this a natural feeling?

        I feel like all I do is vent on this website.

        GD Star Rating
        loading...
        • Kate R

          Everyone reacts differently Kaufman. Don’t worry about if it is ‘natural’. It’s how you’re feeling. Focus on what you need to do to feel more comfortable at uni. Ask for some support, from your tutor, a counsellor, someone in the library, and if the person you ask isn’t helpful, try someone else. Maybe go along to a meeting of one of the many groups on campus, even if you’re not that interested in the issue or activity, just having a few faces you know enough to say ‘hi’ to can help a lot.

          And give it some time – it really is nothing like high school, so be kind to yourself.

          GD Star Rating
          loading...
    • Amelia

      Hi there Kaufman,
      I’m a uni lecturer so maybe I can help. Go and speak to your lecturer, course coordinator or tutor and ask them how to go about applying for special consideration. If you are completely at a loss, ring or go to student admin and ask them who to speak to. Failing subjects if fine as long as you don’t do it over and over. You’ll just have to do the subject over again, or depending on your course youll have to make up the credit points next semester.
      If you need help figuring out uni, ask your student admin who you can go and see for support and guidance. If you want to email me for more support/advice just reply and I’ll leave my email :)
      Good luck!

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
    • Kris2040

      Way back at the start of semester, they should have gone over what to do and who to talk to – like I said above ^^^ I just got academic consideration approved, oddly enough for having someone not participate in group work and the subsequent hassles from it.
      Go and talk to someone sooner rather than later, as there are rules for when you need to apply and stuff as well.
      Each faculty at my uni has Student Support Advisors, who are the middle man between you and the bureaucracy – I went and saw mine today to make sure I was giving myself the best chance with my application for AC (I only decided to apply yesterday, which was when it was due). I’m sure if you look through your subject outlines or handbook you’ll find something similar to help. Good luck! :)

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
    • Walking on Sunshine

      Great advice from Kate R.
      Head to student services – along with the counsellor they will have programs to help you learn study skills and time management.
      Uni’s do have the support programs you miss from high school, but the difference at Uni is you have to go to them, they dont come to you.

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
  31. BecomingMum

    I have a hangover from the 50 shades trilogy.

    All the blushing, and smacking, butt plugs and the “Oh my” from Anastasia Steele has left me wanting to read more.

    Is it the best literature ever written… HELL NO!! Is the book overtly sexual?? HELL YES!!! But the characters in themselves are intriguing and I found myself awake till 1 or 2 am reading them and finishing the trilogy in a week!!

    Did I mention I have an almost 1 year and 7 months pregnant?? Crazy what these books did to me. Thank heavens my son sleeps through the night.

    It somehow has been brought up in discussions with other women I never thought I would be discussing… er… ummm…EROTICA with and realised that women somehow yearn for a bit of Christian Grey. The ’50 effed up shades with the red room’ Christian Grey. Which surprised me but at the same time led me to congratulate the author for … er… ummm… Spicing up some of these women’s lives in the bedroom.

    Also being extremely emotional this week (as a woman in my circumstance would be) my spirits were lifted by Mia’s article Where’s my EFFING Village!! Mia you were able to articulate what all my tears were about and I am thankful and grateful for your article.

    So with both these thoughts on my mind it has inspired me to start my own EFFING village and start a mothers bookclub. Looking forward to how this unfolds and meeting new people with a common interest BOOKS!!

    :)

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
  32. Jenna

    I am a stay at home Mum of a nearly 6yo, 4yo and 4mo. I do EVERYTHING for my kids. I know I shouldn’t have to justify this but…… My 6yo son was at the dinner table and asked for some water. As I was juggling cooking, feeding the baby and dodging the hungry cat, I replied “surely you can get yourself a drink of water? I have enough to do”. And he replied, ” all you do is make rules, you don’t do anything”.
    I was so angry!
    I know he is only 6 but gosh that got under my skin. I replied that I make his meals, get him to school, provide him with clothes and toys, transport him everywhere, read books with him, ride bikes with him, sing songs with him…..

    Anyone else been dealing with attitude lately?

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • HB

      Jenna, as SAHM of 6 and 8 year old boys, I feel your pain!! The attitude can be unbelievable. Hang in there x

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
      • Me

        But where do they get the attitude? Isn’t it because as you state yourself “do EVERYTHING for my kids”??? This is obviously not helping him at all.

        In fact it’s to his major detriment.

        As you say you “I make his meals, get him to school, provide him with clothes and toys, transport him everywhere, read books with him, ride bikes with him, sing songs with him…..” Why? So much?!

        Imagine him in 10 years time if this continues????? And why are you creating a little monster?

        GD Star Rating
        loading...
        • rainbow

          ummm he is 6? that is her job to do those things, it doesn’t mean she can’t feel overwhelmed and frustrated!

          IF, and that is a big IF, she is still doing those things when he is 16, then it might cause problems but right now that is completely normal

          GD Star Rating
          loading...
          • Me

            Yes it absolutely is. You are right.

            But regardless, from her post, it’s obvious that she’s doing way too much and his bad attitude confirms this. He’s not three, and for a six year old he has an extremely bad attitude.

            He gets it from somewhere. If not his mother, than where???

            I know lots of six year olds, boy and girls, and none of them are like this. And isn’t this why she posted this problem???

            GD Star Rating
            loading...
            • rainbow

              i don’t know a six year old without attitude. even just a little bit. i think it is totally normal.

              she is asking for advice and/or support. not snark and/or criticism

              GD Star Rating
              loading...
        • Jenna

          When I say I do everything for my kids what I really mean is –
          I don’t sit on the couch ignoring them all day (sometimes yes, but not all day), I provide healthy meals for them (never takeaway), I find things for them that I know will stimulate them, I make things fun and I TRY my best.

          I don’t know if doing all that is really to his/their detriment as there’s plenty of things they are responsible for – feeding the animals, getting dressed, getting his own drink of water (FFS, he can reach both the tap and the cups – it’s not that hard and he usually does it himself).

          Guess I was just having a vent.

          GD Star Rating
          loading...
          • Me

            Jenna, what he said to you was not acceptable. Not nice at all. You’re obviously a fantastic mum, he’s a very lucky boy.

            GD Star Rating
            loading...
          • Me

            How lovely for you Rainbow to have such charming children around you. Enjoy x

            GD Star Rating
            loading...
            • rainbow

              i know i’m SOOO lucky to have lively, smart kids around me, who do get tired and grumpy on the odd occasion!

              what’s with the unhinged comments?

              GD Star Rating
              loading...
        • MJ

          umm so he should magically feed himself and get himself to school and buy his own clothes and not have his mother pay him any attention?
          He’s 6? I’m pretty sure it’s standard for 6 year olds to still have their mothers provide those things for them…

          GD Star Rating
          loading...
    • Lou

      Please start to get your kids to do some jobs around the house. Believe me, it will only get worse! It is a parent’s responsibility to prepare your children for the future and be able to look after themselves. Giving them small jobs around the house means they start to take responsibility. My 14 year old can now iron her own uniforms, they do week on/week off with the dishwasher, help them change their sheets, tidy their rooms and put away their own washing. We started off with small tasks and built up. I am NOT their servant!

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
    • Anon

      Must be the tides, Jenna. This morning Mr 21 asked if any of his shirts were ironed and I lost my s*it!! I did get a big hug and kiss and a kindly inquiry as to whether I was menopausal! Your 6 year old is only a baby and it hasn’t occurred to him yet what you do for him xx

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
  33. hannahfromsa

    OMM: The age old question of whether to ask a guy out and if so how to do it. Sigh

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • Lana

      Just do it :-)

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
    • becauseimthemum

      Just do it! And don’t think about it!

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
    • roserusso

      Do it! If anything remember it’s flattering to hear someone tell you they like you. Think about how you’d feel if someone told you and that’ll give you some confidence

      Good luck :) tell us how it goes !!

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
    • Hannahfromsa

      Thanks Ladies!

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
  34. ozinuk

    I’m feeling a little down so I busted out my most expensive, most gorgeous, most happy-inducing shoes (patent, kitten, pink bowed, lk bennett).

    I’m happy now. x

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
  35. becauseimthemum

    OMM: iPhone 4 or Samsung Galaxy S2. Both are 4G and I’m close to the CBD. Which one is best?

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • Lucy Ormonde

      iPhone! iPhone! But I’ve never tried the Samsung, so I’m probably biased ;)

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
      • Kris2040

        Everyone I know complains about their Iphones (2 girls in a tute confirmed this yesterday, oddly enough). Go the samsung.

        GD Star Rating
        loading...
    • elle

      I have Samsung Galaxy and its brilliant although battery life is an issue for me! (I use it constantly!!) Not sure what iphone batt is like?

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
      • MissV

        I agree! I only got mine last week and i’m lucky if it lasts for 24 hours and I don’t even use it that much. I do love the galaxy though! very easy to use!

        GD Star Rating
        loading...
      • chellebelle

        Husb has samsung and I have iphone, both same age and both get similar amount of use (frequent). The iphone kicks the samsung’s ass when it comes to battery life. However I think the samsung deals with photos a lot better.

        GD Star Rating
        loading...
    • Anonymous

      Don’t get the iphone 4, everyone I know that has it can no longer use the home button properly (masiive pain in the butt) and the phone is out of warranty, so they have to pay to it fixed. I have a samsung galaxy sII (previous phone was3GS) and I love it. The only annoying thing is that it now comes in red and white!!! Booo Samsng, I want a red phone…lol :)

      Also, I believe that Samsung has brought out a new phone (the nexus, I think) and that is supposed to be pretty good

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
    • Melsie

      I LOVE my new iphone, but that is probably because it is the first new phone I have had in about five years :)

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
  36. ingy

    I am lucky enough to have a mum who made lots of albums for my big brother, myself and my little sister. When I am home in Norway I love going through the albums, there are so many good memories. I like making photo books and they also make fantastic presents. My boyfriend made me one for my birthday and I absolutely adore the pictures he chose.

    OMM: Clarasonic Mia – Should I get one?

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • Moi

      To the Clarasonic Mia…yes yes big fat yes!! I got one for a birthday pressie for myself in February and have blabbed on about it to anyone that will listen. It definately has improved the condition of my skin and the fact it didn’t react (sensitive plus plus) was great. I also agree with Zoe that as you skin is cleaned better, it seems to absorb your products better.

      So yes. I think you most definately should :)

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
      • ingy

        Thanks Moi, that’s fabulous advice X

        GD Star Rating
        loading...
  37. melbourne13

    Love the post this week guys. Fab photo’s!

    Am I completely living in a box or something, but what is the clothing brand Sheik? I have never heard of it before. SOMEONE FILL ME IN!!

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • Anonymous

      It is where I have pretty much bought every single dress that I have every worn to the races…lol. The best thing is like most other retailers, they always have sales. So if you live by my motto of never buying anything full price, you can save a bit of cash :)

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
  38. Jo

    OMM My beautiful father-in law wasting away in hospital before cancer takes him away from us for good. Don’t ignore symptoms and have your health checks people – it really could save your life.

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • Bradley

      Hi Jo. So sad to hear about your FIL. I lost mine to cancer almost a year and a half ago. It destroys you to watch someone you care about fading and wasting away in front of your eyes. Worst feeling….knowing that you can’t do a darn thing to help your loved one.

      A special hug from me to you and yours.

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
      • Jo

        Thanks Bradley – I think you summed it up perfectly – it is soul destroying watching them fade away and not being able to do anything about it. It is comforting to know others have been there but terrible to know so many other people have experienced the pain. Cancer is one crappy journey. Thanks for your thoughts.

        GD Star Rating
        loading...
  39. Bradley

    Spent part of the day celebrating the 99th birthday of a wonderful lady named Esme.

    Trust me, this lady is as sharp as a bed of nails. I personally don’t know anyone who has witnessed as many changes in the world as her. She accepts that change is a natural occurence but insists that she isn’t too fond of change for the sake of change.

    She is wise beyond her years and can discuss any topic thrown at her. They say that the world belongs to the young, but Jesus H Christ…..we could do with a few more like Esme. With age, experience and wisdom certainly come !

    Have heard that my niece does not have a brain tumour. The news comes as a major relief to our entire family. She still has the Bell’s Palsey and has been told to modify her diet and stress a bit less.

    Hope that you all get some good news this week ! :)

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • becauseimthemum

      Wonderful news that your niece doesn’t have a brain tumour. I hope she can find some relief with a change in diet and less stress.

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
  40. Megs

    Mia where did you get your laptop cover from? It’s so pretty and colourful and happy :)

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
  41. Jules

    Has anyone here had IPL for pigmentation/redness on their face? If so, was it at a beauty salon or with a dermatologist?

    Just interested in people’s experiences.

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • Lu

      For what its worth I wouldnt be letting anyone near me with a laser who wasnt a Doctor.

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
    • Emma in Melbourne-land

      My mum’s been getting IPL Photo Rejuvenation and she is really happy so far. Her pigmentation has faded noticeably and she thinks her skin feels firmer, which at 52, is a big plus for her! She gets it done at a day spa with qualified technicians. If you do it, don’t just get a coupon off a site for it, do your research :)

      http://www.thebeautyblot.wordpress.com

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
      • Jules

        Thanks Emma (and Lu) – I agree, a laser on your face definitely requires some preparation and research!

        GD Star Rating
        loading...
  42. maybedaisy

    Quick question: I have been asked to plan a morning of service in July for my workmates. I have a team of 20 gents and need to send them to do something worthwhile in the Melbourne community. Last year they painted the premises of a local charity and are keen to do something similar. Anyone got any ideas?

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • fifif

      Are there any local landcare groups in the are which can direct you to an area of creek bed riparian zones that are in need of weeding/replanting etc???

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
    • Rabbitsal

      Cooking for a soup kitchen? Mentoring/playing sport with troubled teens?

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
    • Alex2

      This may not be their cup of tea but going to Red Cross to give blood is always so much appreciated. Just a thought. xxx

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
    • Trog

      Make them earn it. The Full Monty.

      Be charitable to the guys yourself – this time of year in Melbourne, it better be indoors for their self-esteem’s sake.

      Strip for charity in the cardies room at Crown Casino. They can pass the construction worker or policeman hats around for coin.

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
    • maybedaisy

      Fantastic ideas! Thank you all. I’ll let you know what we go with. xx

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
  43. gee jen

    OMM: returning to work… do i or don’t I? I havn’t really been working at all this year due to personal reasons and while i am very lucky to still have a job to go back to I can’t for the life of me decide if it’s what i want to do.

    I am very fortunate that the financial incentive doesn’t motivate me (althogh of course it’s always helpful) but I’m not convinced being a full-time SAHM to my 22 mth old is the right for me either.

    I used to really enjoy my job but due to a lack of professional development lately i don’t feel i’m offering the best service to my clients and the pressure of working virtually by myself is hard.

    Would love to just make a decision and go with it…urghhh

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • eternally

      Is part-time an option? It has been great for me. But I have to go back to 4 days/week soon and am dreading it.

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
  44. Anon Today

    There is just so much going on, between way too much work, finishing our old house, moving in to our new house, trying to assist our son with his anxiety, trying to control my own anxiety, hubby being totally focussed on work (understandable) and not taking some of the weight of all these other pressures, ensuring everything on all the lists has been addressed, dealing with family issues AHHHHH!.

    I just want a Grown Up to come and be in control for a little while.

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
  45. Snow

    I’m going to have a whinge and let it all out…. here goes… I’m 26 and lately i have been feeling really depressed. I feel like my life has no direction and my job has gone from a career to a boring, mundane, rum of the mill job. I’ve tried to find work in another field but there’s not much going at the moment and i can’t leave the job i have now because my husband and i have a ridiculously large mortgage. I love my husband but sometimes i feel bored with our relationship. We eat, sleep, work and repeat day in, day out. I want to have kids now but we can’t afford it. I don’t know if I’m depressed or just in a rut… ok, that’s it, whinge over

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • picardie.girl

      Could you try some new hobbies to add some interest to your life? They don’t have to cost money either – some free things include bushwalking, having bring-a-plate dinners with friends, games nights at home, trivia at the local pub, art galleries, other free activities as described in the paper (outdoor movies, etc. etc.).

      Maybe you just need some fun new activities to add a spark!

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
    • Louisec

      Suggestion – JAck Canfields book “How to get from where you are to where you want to be. The Success Principles”. Absolutely amazing, inspiring etc etc. I live by this and it has such an impact especially when I’m feeling in a bad rutt.

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
    • Grace

      Get some time apart and start doing some stuff just for you. It doesn’t have to be expensive but i find going late night window shopping or grabbing a coffee with a friend a great midweek pick me up. Encourage your hubby to have a mate over or get into a midweek sport. Whenever I feel bored with my relationship its usually because we are spending too much time together!

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
      • El Belle

        For what it’s worth I have many friends who are 26 and reassessing everything.. the quarter life crisis? Also the single ones would envy you and none of them have houses, so in that sense you are lucky!

        But I know perspective doesn’t always help, sometimes good old exercise can make things a little better?

        Good luck.

        GD Star Rating
        loading...
  46. odette

    OMM: my cow-orker is giving me the shits. She told me today that her partner has a “Fark off we’re full” sticker on his car and that she agrees with the sentiment. Sometimes I feel like I could launch myself over the cubicle divider and give her a high five. On the face. With a chair.

    Also OMM: we sent in forms last week to begin the (I imagine lengthy) process to foster a child. We have two boys and we would like to foster a girl who is just at school age (or just before school age). We’re looking at long term fostering rather than respite or short term fostering, hopefully having her forever. So of course I ridiculously expected a phone call first thing Monday morning from the agency (not DOCS) saying, “WELCOME ABOARD! When can we introduce you??!!” Yeah, no. Still waiting of course.

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • rainbow

      you’re a legend on both counts

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
    • MissT

      I giggled that you wrote cow-orker… Freudian slip? ;)

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
  47. nursemim

    I’m trying to sit my ay through watching We Need to Talk About Kevin….. OMG!!! Is the book more or less disturbing?

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • catgirl

      far more disturbing…you get more of a story on what Kevin does as he’s growing up. The movie is cut down a bit. I won’t give spoilers but the book also extends a bit beyond the movie and you’ll find that extra material the most disturbing of all

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
      • nursemim

        Eeek- ok think I’ll give it a go…. but maybe not a bedtime read.

        GD Star Rating
        loading...
    • Kate

      I appreciate Shriver’s writing, but my god it was an uncomfortable and at times painful read. It was about as uplifting as The Road by Cormac McCarthy.

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
      • nursemim

        I loved The Road- certainly not uplifting in anyway, but so very captivating. Don’t think I could watch the movie though.

        GD Star Rating
        loading...
  48. kupt

    OMM – Parental responsibilty! And not how you think …
    My parents have separated after 30 years – it’s been a long time coming and is hardly suprising: hubby and I have been together for 11 years and he has neer seen them happy.

    Problem is neither are coping particularly well and I don’t know where my parental responsibility starts. Dad is almost in denial and in the 12 months since Mum left their home looks like something out of ‘Hoarders’. It’s filthy and unhygenic and I won’t take my children there to see him. Mum refuses to acknowledge anything to do with the situation, has been sleeping on the floor at a friends’ place and seems to be quite happy to do that rather than be in the same room as Dad and actually discuss what to do next.

    What are my responsibilities? Do I just leave them to their own crazy devices, or step in? Aaaargh!

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • k8e.

      I think if you’ve given them 12 months it may be time to start asking the questions… Especially if your and your families relationships are suffering (ie you wont take your son there…) even the gentlest nudges over time mayget the process started.

      I feel for your family, separations sre difficult

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
    • Louisec

      I think it may be time to get your father help. It sounds, understandably, that he may be quite depressed. If you can afford to, hire a weekly cleaner who can also cook a few meals for him for the week. Someone local would be good.

      And if he will, ask him to talk to you, to just talk it out. Men so often clam up and it really affects their health.

      It’s just that it would be terrible if something happened to him. After 30 years it must be such a huge adjustment, even if they were unhappy.

      I think your mum is doing the right thing, there’s no point going back, even just to the spare room as it won’t help either of them.

      It’s really hard, I’ve been through it and I wish I’d been more supportive of my father, I will always regret not being more there for him. My mother left him after years of marriage, also mostly unhappy. It’s a major regret. I should have been there for him. Good luck x

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
    • MJ

      He needs help! Take him to a GP, clean the house, interfere. He’s clearly not coping.

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
    • Kathy W

      This is EXACTLY what happened to my parents. Mum left after 30 years of marriage and dad let the house go to rack and ruin around his ears.

      Mum coped remarkably well but dad needed help. I lived nearby so I’d go clean the house when he was at work, throw on some washing, pick up a few groceries etc. I only did that for a while as dad eventually got over it and moved on. He was in shock but he did recover – it took about 18 months.

      So yes, step in and help. You know your dad best, so you’ll know the sort of help he needs without undermining his pride (and this is important as he’s probably of the generation who were brought up to be the provider for their kids). All the best.

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
  49. scared

    so very naughty me I got a speeding fine and 6 points off my license – double demits :( and I am so scared to tell my hubby about it – and now I havent told me him for ages I am even more scared to tell him now – – there will be 1000 questions of why didn’t I tell him earlier – what else haven’t I told him- he is super paranoid and has a bad quick temper and is the best at the silent treatment …. what to do…. suck it up and tell him or push it further under the rug and hope he never ever finds out and pray I never get a speeding fine again ….I am scared because I hate fighting with him – that’s why I didn’t telll him in the first place because it would just cause another fight and he would make me feel even worse about the awful fine ..but I guess if I had of told him it would have been over now….argghhhhh super annoyed at myself

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • erinsy

      So, I don’t mean to be rude, it harsh it anything… But it sounds like you’re at the start of an abusive relationship. You both need to seek counselling. You should never be afraid to talk to your partner

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
    • Louisec

      Hey, unless I’m not reading this properly you didn’t murder someone or hold up the local bank did you?

      Sure getting a speeding fine isn’t great but it’s also not that bit a deal. People make mistakes big ones and little ones and I consider a speeding fine to be the latter. Hence I’d be more worried about you being so scared of him knowing about this than actually worrying about a speeding fine.

      YOu didn’t lose your licence, it’s a fine!

      What happens when he loses his “bad quick temper”?????

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
    • Anonymous

      Its just a speeding ticket and it sounds like you’re already remorseful about getting it.

      Up to you if you tell or not, every marriage has secrets and this one doesn’t directly hurt our impact him.

      I got caught on my phone whilst driving (don’t do it, $284!!) But I had to tell my husband as he would have seen the card statement anyway. He was anyway. He was have seen the card statement

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
    • Kirsty

      I would just tell him and say the reason why you left it a bit was because you felt so awful about it. My husband can be the same, over paranoid about things but over time I’ve learnt to keep things in perspective. I just tell him and if he’s angry, oh well, he’ll get over it. I just keep the fact that I’m not hiding anything and haven’t really done anything wrong firmly in my mind. And I’ve also had lots of conversations with him over the years about his tendency to over react and he’s gotten much better. Good luck!

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
    • MissV

      Is there a reason you have to tell him? Speeding is bad but you’ve lost the points and paid the fine, you’ve taken responsibility for it and it’s now in the past.

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
  50. redbeef2

    i am having a crap day today sould i be ashamed that at 48 i have never married

    GD Star Rating
    loading...
    • MissT

      No! You should not be ashamed!!

      Sorry for the exclamation points but I felt it needed it. Fingers crossed for a better tomorrow. xx

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
    • Anna

      No, no shame necessary! We cant all go down the same road. For all you know you may be married by this time next year, or be happily unmarried. Who knows what the future holds. No shame either way.

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
    • Me

      I saw a quote the other day “Why get married when you can be happy?!”.

      GD Star Rating
      loading...
      • roserusso

        Yes! This is a talk at the SWF (Sydney Writers Festival) over the weekend. I bought tickets to this can’t wait :)

        PS. No need to feel ashamed… life pulls us all in many different directions. When you think of the number of divorces – who would you rather be?

        xx

        GD Star Rating
        loading...
        • Kaybee

          Sydney Writers festival?! Ahh I guess this tassie girl can dream… =)

          GD Star Rating
          loading...

So, we have $1000 to give away... oh, would you be interested? Well step right this way.

To go in the draw to win, just LIKE us on Facebook, enter your email address and tell us in 25 words or less why you love reading Mamamia.

Close this popup



Full Terms & Conditions