real life

"I was forced to choose between my unborn baby and the man I love."

* The author of this post is known to Mamamia, but has chosen to remain anonymous.

I’d been living in London for the past two years working at a frenetic global media agency where I happened to meet the person who I thought was the love of my life.

We’d met on my first day at work, hit it off as soon as we met and became best mates long before any hint of a relationship appeared on the horizon.

Fast-forward to July this year – everything with Michael* couldn’t have been going better and I was thriving in my London life. We’d holidayed with his parents in the South of France, decided to move in together and were planning a holiday back to Oz together for Christmas. Mum came over for my birthday – July 12th, for a holiday to Italy.

While I was away I realised I was ‘late’ but given the nature of being away on holiday and ‘escaping it all’ I decided to put it to the back of my mind until I returned to London.

I thought our surprise pregnancy would only make us stronger.

On my return I took a pregnancy test and to my horror it was positive. I’d been on the pill up until 2 months prior due to an adverse reaction and since then Michael and I had been trying to be as careful as possible but we both knew we were playing Russian roulette.

I knew he’d be upset but always presumed that given how loving and committed our relationship had been, that we’d work through this together, somehow. Deep down I already knew I wanted this baby… I felt like, How could I get rid of something that was half me and half the person I was madly and truly in love with?

Nothing could have prepared me for his and his family’s reaction. His first words to me when I told him were, “You need to have an abortion, or else we can’t be together.” I couldn’t believe it, this person who I thought I knew so well suddenly became the biggest threat to me and our baby.

ADVERTISEMENT

What followed was perhaps the most harrowing 8 weeks of my life. Multiple trips to the abortion clinic where I’d try to do what he told me was the only way to save our relationship, only to get as far as the counsellor they make you see before the procedure, where I would fall apart and they refused to proceed as I was clearly “not ready”.

By this point Michael had involved his parents who had turned from my surrogate family to my interrogators – “It’s a black and white decision,” “Don’t you love Michael? You know he’ll run for the hills if you have this baby,” “Just stick to the ‘right’ path and terminate and we’ll all get through this” – this was just a snippet of the barrage of calls and text messages I’d receive from them everyday. They’d joined forces and were determined to manipulate me to not have this baby at all costs, even offering financial support at one point if I didn’t continue.

I soon felt sad and alone as my relationship with the love of my love disintegrated overnight.

I didn’t know where to turn – my parents were frantic – they wanted me back in Oz away from the pressure and bullying I was dealing with every day but I couldn’t see a way out.

Michael then kicked me out of our apartment, telling me I was ‘toxic’ because I’d say I’d terminate and then not been able to. Apparently I’d ‘broken his trust’.

I was at rock bottom and eventually lost the will to fight any more so I agreed to go with him and take the abortion pill, for our ‘relationship’. The whole way there I felt sick in my stomach because I knew that day I would go through with it, not because I didn’t want my baby, but because I wanted the abuse to stop.

ADVERTISEMENT

Two days after I took the pill, despite all of Michael’s promises that he’d help me through this ordeal, he completely back-pedalled and said I couldn’t move back in with him – his parents didn’t think it was a good idea and he quickly booked himself a holiday away with the boys. I was absolutely devastated, I didn’t realise things could have gotten any worse but they had. I’d lost everything and been betrayed by the one person I’d loved so much, I’d literally given a life for.

Fast forward a week and I was still feeling ill – I went back to the clinic for a check-up only to find out that I was still pregnant, the abortion pill had been unsuccessful, apparently cases like mine were less than 1%. I remember the moment so clearly – I knew in that moment that this was my sign, my second chance to do what I’d known in my gut all along I was meant to do. Despite protests from the clinic I decided to fly home to Oz to be with my parents and make a decision surrounded by the people that truly love and support me.

I’m now 23 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby and cannot wait to meet him/her. Michael and his family no longer talk to me having found out about the continuing pregnancy and my decision, but I honestly couldn’t be happier. I’ve learnt that a partner’s love and true character is often only revealed when the chips are down; and the importance (and rarity) of listening to your gut feeling. I feel truly blessed to have been given a second chance that seldom comes by in life.

Like this? We think you’ll enjoy this one too… Why Robyn Lawley’s abortion backlash is a dangerous new low.

Have you ever experienced a ‘Sliding Doors’ moment like this?