It was Monday. 6pm. I was in my car, sitting in city traffic, tuned in to the right radio station. Commercial… news… commercial… song… some other people talking…. bit of static… wait, wait – there it was – MAMAMIA! ON THE RADIO!
“I. AM. FAMOUS!!!” was all I wrote in the group text that went to my nearest and dearest. Because I WORK at Mamamia and Mamamia has a RADIO SHOW and therefore I am PRETTY MUCH GAGA.
Anyway – sorry for all the capital letters, but they really are the best way to reflect the level of excitement currently in the office. You can tune in at 6pm every weeknight on the Today network. Already, our fab hosts Em Rusciano and Dave Thornton, have spoken about everything from the rower with a boner (that wasn’t actually a boner – read the update HERE) to emotionally abusive men and how 50 Shades could be responsible for some very bad (non-sexual) things.
As Mia always says about Mamamia: light and shade, people. Women are complex and varied human beings and so is our conversation.
Here’s a sneak peek of the show:
Here’s everything else that’s been happening in the office this week…
Mia on Twitter (@MiaFreedman)
If you can’t get enough of our social media, then you can follow us on Twitter: @mamamia @miafreedman or Instagram (go to the app store and download it to your phone): @mamamiaaus @miafreedman
AND ALSO: Mia is starting a new thing whereby you can ask her a question any time on Open Post or on Twitter under the hashtag #askmia.
She promises to answer as many as she can as often as she can. This will be ongoing, not just today.
What else is on my mind (OMM)? The sailing. I am a sailor (in that I know a lot of people with boats and occasionally I climb aboard and attempt to have a nice time without accidentally sinking the boat and/or drowning). I’m so excited to see our Australians doing so well in what’s generally considered the most boring sport to watch since golf made it onto our television screens.
How’s your week going? What’s on your mind?
Comments
258 Comments so far
in my head: okay im only 14 but i would share anything about me online but not face to face okay, in my head i have alot of thing going on, but the most thing i always think about is my crush, im in class thinking about him right now i keep staring at him like he is a big show!!! i keep on thinking how i caught him staring at me in Art!! i looked at him and found him looking at me, our eyes locked for a sec then i ruined it by turning my head!!! man, if i had a choice to pick one day i would replay, it had to be that one!!!
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OMM –
Work, will it ever get any better or am I just flogging a dead horse? Am I being a drama queen and getting myself so worked up about how much I dislike my job, only to come to work and realise it is not so bad. Do my bosses really think I am doing as well as they say I am?? Is going back to a city job, monday – friday with a 35K pay drop worth it, or should I stick it out?
Babies – My partner and I have babies on the mind, big time! I have been ready for a long time, and would give him a baby tomorrow if I could, but should we wait until we are in a bigger house and a little more financially stable. Is there ever a ‘right’ time to have a baby, or will we just work our life around it and make it work? … also wish that little voice in the back of my head saying what if you can’t fall pregnant naturally would go away, I know far too many young girls having to go through IVF at the moment, it scares me!
Partner – what a gem he is, everything I wished for and more. Although we have our moments, sometimes I just look at him when he is snoozing peacefully next to me and think WOW I did well. Almost feel a little guilty for being so happy and in love…..
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Complete first world problem! But I went overseas for a month and forgot to use my rosehip oil and now my skin is terrible… it’s almost back to square one, sigh!
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I’ve been using it for a few months but I’m not noticing much difference and wondering if i should keep using it.. I should add that I don’t have problematic skin, I just thought I’d try it because so much was written about how nice it makes people’s skin look.
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Anyone out there have any experience with Sensorial Perception Disoder?My son(almost 6 yrs.)has just been diagnosed with it.It actually explains a lot of his behavioural issues over the years and why “traditional” behaviour modification techniques have NEVER worked.
He is seeing a great OT but is just about to finish his first year of school and I am concerned about where to send him next year.His present teacher is great and very accommodating about incorporating techniques into the classroom to help him.We will be shifting next year(probably middle off the year)so I am looking at other schools for him.
It is stressful and after many many times of being told by well meaning people that he is totally normal and just needs strict guidelines I am not willing anymore to settle for teachers telling me that they will do their best to help him but yet really just expecting him to conform when it is practically impossible for him to.
His behaviour has had a MAJOR impact on out lives and we love him dearly and want the best for him.
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I am a teacher, Anonymous. I was wondering whether your son’s diagnosis means he is eligible for funding for an aide in the classroom? It is worth finding out. Are you moving interstate? Or changing from private to state school or vice versa? If the answer is yes to any of these questions, ensure you get letters, referrals etc from your current doctors and a letter from your current school explaining the funding status of your son (if any.)
Is the condition classed as a disability? If so, you are also probably eligible for a fortnightly carer’s payment from Centrelink which should help with the cost of specialists’ bills. (My friend gets this payment; her son has Aspergers.)
Ensure you meet with his teacher and junior primary coordinator (or Principal) and special needs coordinator before he commences. Book in weekly or fortnightly meetings for the term with the teacher (and maybe the special needs coordinator as well) so you have a set time to discuss your son’s needs and progress. Write down the strategies that are working now with your son and take it with you to the first meeting. Also, print out or photocopy any information on the condition and give that to his new teacher so he/she can familiarise themselves with it.
I hope this helps. It’s all off the top of my head, I just saw your comment and felt moved to reply. You probably know all this anyway. Good luck! I wish you the best with your son.
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OMM: Facebook.
I get it for catching up with/staying in touch with friends OS or work colleagues when you’ve moved on from that workplace .
I get it for companies and websites etc to market directly to your inbox.
I even get it for announcing/posting photos of big life events – holidays, babies, marriage, changing jobs, graduating, special occasions etc etc.
What I don’t get is the inane status updates and the fact that people seem to think that other people actually care what they ate, or what they’re doing at that EXACT minute or whether they’re feeling hot/cold/hungry/bored blah blah blah. Or posting intimate thoughts or conversations about/with other people where your ‘friends’ can see. Or thinking all those people are your ‘friends.’
Facebook. I don’t really get it. I don’t have it.
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Sick with bad cold so I just finished watching the TV adaptation of Birdsong and feel disappointed. I LOVED the book by Sebastian Faulks and just really didn’t like the casting, the pace, the styling… Oh well.
I also watched a marathon of Downton Abbey. Man that was such fun! Maggie Smith as the Dowager Countess has all the best lines and as my friend said, “fruity asides”.
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OMM: dangerous driving around primary schools. How can parents and carers be so irresponsible? Every day I witness some crazy driving around my son’s primary school. It’s just a matter of time before an accident occurs. Who cares if you have to park around the corner and walk a few metres. It drives me insane.
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OMM right now…. love and travel…
Love wise – I have out of nowhere been reflecting on the only great love in my life so far which ended 18 months ago and remembering how amazing it felt to be in love. Hoping I may experience it again someday in the not too distant future.
Travel Wise – Excited… Coming home to Aus after living overseas via SE Asia for ten weeks by myself… Cannot wait to experience everything the countries I’m visiting have to offer!
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I am wanting to get fit and I have tried running and everything… I want to go to a gym but, as silly as it sounds, I am just too self conscious.. the thought of going there and seeing allthe regulars in their tight workout clothes looking motivated and super fit makes me squeamish with anxiety..
I know it sounds ridiculous. Does anyone have any advice for me to get over my self consciousness about being the frumpy, chubby, out-of-breath woman? I am 26, and about a size 14-16, and I know I need to be healthier, and just suck it up and do it. But it is still scary and makes me feel so awkward and anxious
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Can I reassure you? Most people at gyms are not the super fit or gorgeous beings you are worried about. They are all pretty normal – especially if you head to the suburbs, rather than the inner city. Group classes are a good way to start, particularly weekends, where there is a good mix of people. Also, I know it sounds a little confronting, but I like to be up the front of classes, because then all you see is the instructor and none of the participants – you then just concentrate on what you’re doing and you get better guidance from the instructor that way too. Most gyms have a week or so free trial, so use that to shop around and find a gym that you feel comfortable with.
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May I also suggest trying a women’s only gym like Fernwood if there is one convenient for you? I was against going to a women’s only gym because I didn’t want to feel like I couldn’t go to mixed sex gyms, however, I got a Fernwood membership through work, and now I would never go back. The staff are helpful without being overbearing, and most of the gym goers are there for the sake of being fit and healthy, rather than stick thin, and I can work out in peace. Also, I’m not sure of your schedule, but if you can go during the day (9am – 12pm, 2pm – 5pm) there are hardly any people there so you get run of the equipment and don’t have to worry about being judged etc. The other thing I would suggest is booking a couple of sessions with a personal trainer, who can show you correct technique and introduce you to training methods you might not have thought about. At risk of sounding like an infomercial, the Fernwood girls are lovely and really care about their clients, and you get a couple of helpful induction sessions when you first join.
And the super fit gorgeous beings? Don’t worry about them! at the end of the day, you’re all there for the same reason and that is to be healthy, fit and happy. Smile and enjoy the endorphins – or grit your teeth and bear it! I can promise you, it won’t take long before you become a regular, and start to enjoy the benefits. Good luck!
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OMM 1: How much I love one of my bosses right now. I really love working for him and he really makes work such a pleasure. He appreciates everything that I do, is understanding with Uni and the pressures of it and gives the best advice ever in terms of my career. I love family law and he has really made me want to practice it even more. Work really isn’t a chore when you love doing what you do. I can’t wait to be a lawyer so I can practice.
OMM 2: Jamila. I find that her presence at MM has really made it that much better to read. She’s inspiring and stunning and I love the way that she writes. It is with such conviction and its an example of the fine writers that Australia has. Congratulations MM on acquiring such an asset.
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I agree, RE Jamila! One of the most mature-minded young adults I have had the pleasure of meeting through this website. She will go so far in life!
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I am currently in a six month relationship with a guy that I absolutely adore. We fight all the time, we love each other deeply, we only see each other once a week and this is the first long term (if we can call it that) relationship he has ever had. I have met his parents before within a week of knowing him and that’s fine. Anyway, he invited me over for dinner for the second time in our relationship on Tuesday. We never see each other (normally once a week, if that – sometimes we go a week without seeing each other, sometimes two) so the times that we do see each other are really really really special. I brought cupcakes over (I had been at work all day), I spent the whole night spending time with his Mum, he didn’t talk to me at all that night, he was really animated with his brother and Dad but did not pay me one ounce of attention until the end – for 10 minutes. He said to me that he was sorry but he was tired tonight and that is why he wasn’t animated with me and I eventually left, on good terms.
Yesterday, I thought about it more. He was animated with his family – just not with me. He didn’t pay me any attention. I sent him a voicemail yesterday (he didn’t answer yesterday morning) saying that I loved him and to have a good day, he didn’t answer and didn’t call me back until 9pm the night after. He spoke to me and could hear something was wrong in my voice. I didn’t want to tell him why I was upset and wanted to bury it because it was more trouble than it was worth. He eventually got it out of me and I said that I felt like he didn’t realise I existed last night to which I got a big hang up in my face and he said he was disappointed in me. I eventually got a text message from him saying “grow up, you’ve really upset me, you have no idea” to which I replied “and you really upset me. all of last night, you pretended like I didn’t exist until the end when you were amazing. that’s mixed messages, you can’t say that I’m making this up or to grow up. I have really been trying to make him happy”. He replied “yeah, the funny thing is, even my brother said because you and my mother were talking i let you be.. I didn’t want to interrupt. my mum was really enjoying your company. And somehow I’m now having to apologise cause I didn’t take notice of you. I’m pretty sure I did. You really have no idea do you. You really haven’t seen the whole perspective. Seriously.” To which I replied, “Your mum is one of the most amazing women I’ve ever met. She’s everything I want to me when I’m a bit older. And I love talking to her. That’s not the point though. And again, we are going to bed disgruntled because we can’t communicate”. He ended up calling me, telling me that he was disappointed in me and that he couldn’t take this and again hung up in my face. I sent him a message to this effect right after the telephone call “You are painting me out to be such a cow right now when I’m only reiterating what you said to me last night. As I said before, I had a good night spending time with your family and I thanked you for that last night. You even said to me that you weren’t the best company last night because you were tired. Everytime I sat down next to you, you didn’t want to talk to me. You wanted to be able to communicate and that’s what I’m doing. Hanging up twice in my face is not the way to communicate. I don’t know why you insist on going to bed frustrated”.
MM’ers, please tell me if I’m overreacting
He is meant to meet my parents officially for the first time tomorrow and I don’t know if I want him to anymore. Why does love have to hurt so much?
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Oh, Broken Hearted. You poor thing. It sounds like you were feeling like something was wrong and you communicated it in an open way only to have the other person ‘counter strike’ withthe whole ‘I’m dissapointed in you’ bull rather than just addressing the (initally small) issue. This is something I’ve noticed some people do when they just can’t handle critisim. It is also a common feature of emotionally abusive relationships (not saying that your relationship is abusive- just a red flag to be aware of). Overall, this sounds likea massive headf*ck you just don’t need. What are your ages?
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We’re both 22
Just don’t understand more than anything… I feel like I’m just being a big girl.
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omg! hanging up on you?? twice??? that is not on. not seeing each other for 2 weeks??? He sounds like he’s taking you for a ride. You sound way too nice for him, seriously get out now and don’t put it up with that kind of behaviour. You were not “imagining” that he was ignoring you and you are allowed to say what you feel. “disappointed in you??”is he your father?? Sorry for the rant, I know you are sad, but serisouly I put up with a lot of S%$t from guys in my 20s and wish I could go back and shake my 20yo self and move on. You sound like a nice girl, you deserve better. hugs
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Sorry mate, but I agree with Sailorgirl, this guy is taking you for a ride. You haven’t said that you live far apart or anything, so not making time to see each other in over a week for someone you ‘love’ sounds absurd. You also start this post off by saying you fight all the time. This isn’t right in 6 months, you should still to some extent be in the honeymoon phase.
Hanging up on you is childish and sound reminiscint of my ex who anytime instead of communicating would just walk off and (usually) break up with me. It happened 5 or 6 times in the end, what a joke and waste of my time.
That’s great that you get on with his mum but it’s worth nothing if you don’t get along with him more than 10 minutes each week.
Think it through. But I personally think you deserve better, and to be having fun in your 20′s, not drama.
All the best
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OMM: I’m in love with a guy who has a girlfriend. I’ve known him as an acquaintance for years as we’re from the same small town in NSW, but since we both moved to London we’ve caught up a bit more, and things have always sparkled between us.
Normally if a guy I liked said he had a girlfriend I’d back off straight away, of course! But the partner he’s living with is French and she never wants to move to Australia and he doesn’t want to stay in Europe forever.
Whenever I meet up with him and tell him I’ve been on a date with another guy his face falls. And he always says they’re not going to work things out; that they fight all the time.
But he also told me this before they signed a lease and moved in together. I know he likes me, but it’s just so frustrating as he doesn’t seem to have the guts to break up with her. It’s driving me crazy because he’s the only guy I’ve met in years that I can see myself having a future with. Lovely, articulate and empathetic MMers, do you have any advice for me? I guess it’s just a waiting game. I’m not a homewrecker!
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I thought two things when I read your post, If I were you I would either wait it out and just be there for him as a friend and see what happens or tell him how you feel but make it clear that you’re not asking/forcing him to break up with his girlfriend but this is just how you feel. Maybe he is waiting for some sort of confirmation from you that this is how you feel.
Good luck!
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Hello Londoner in Love…
I’ve been exactly where you are…and if I had my time again, this is what I would do.
I would lay my cards on the table and walk away…with conviction. It’ll either be like a movie and he’ll extract himself from his current situation and come and find you. Or he’ll politely distance himself from you.
No matter what, you’ll be better off. Don’t be like me and waste years on a guy who has you in the flirty-friend zone rather than love-of-my-life zone!!
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I’m with Caroline. Say what’s in your heart. Sounds like he will eventually break up with the French girl. What have you got to lose? (Apart from a good friend – but it’s hard being friends with someone you fancy.)
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Look at actions not words. He’s moving in with his girlfriend. Sounds like you’re his ‘what if’ girl – he likes you and you like him but he’s keeping you interested as a back up while he’s living with his current girlfriend.
I think you should move on and try to have fun, if it’s meant to be then it will happen.
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OMM: Loneliness. I have never realised what a horrible feeling it can be. After the breakup I’ve realise how little I have. I’ve got a loose plan to meet new people but this in between phase sucks! There have been some really rough days. I just wanna find my tribe!
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I can sympathise with you! Stay strong. The breakup period is always rough. You’ll find some wonderful new friends soon and never look back!
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After 8 weeks of worsening health, sudden loss of vision, numb hands, loss of balance, i finally got a diagnoses – I have multiple sclerosis, still coming to terms with that being the truth and my future. I am a bit angry and peeved with my body but also very grateful for the care I received at the neuroscience department of the royal Melbourne hospital as a public patient – it was truly first class. Nervous about what is ahead but I am also positive that I will not let this disease define who I am nor change what I aspire to achieve, the path I take may just be a little bit more wobbley than I had intended! For all those out there dealing with health issues, i urge you to keep pushing for answers as you know your body the very best and don’t let anyone tell you any different, sometimes the not knowing is the hardest part.
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Good luck Katiematie.
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Thanks C xo
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All the best Katiematie, you sound incredibly courageous xxx
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Hi Katiematie,
I’ve worked with people with MS for years and I know that there’s no magic words I can say. 8 weeks of tests must have been horrible, but it’s great you got a diagnosis reasonably quickly and can start treatment early – this can really make a big difference. I know people who didn’t have answers for 2 years, because it’s quite easy for MS to present as something else!
And please know that treatments are so much better than they used to be and that MS doesn’t have to stop you achieving all your big life goals. Many of my friends with MS have become even more tenacious, adventurous people than they say they would have been otherwise, and despite the challenges, they’re grateful that their diagnosis gave them the drive to chase after everything they really want in life – sounds like you will be the same and good on you.
Really glad to hear you have answers and good care. I wish you all the best x
P.S. Check with your neurologist (I’m not a doctor!), but those I’ve spoken to say keeping up your Vitamin D level is really important
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Best of luck for the road ahead!
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Why are there so many technical glitches with this site? It’s getting to the point that it’s simply not worth the technical frustration to come here any more.
Replie that don’t post. Whole posts/articles that go missing or disappear into some cyber black hole. Pages that don’t load.
I’ve over it.
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Totally agree. It’s been so unstable, particularly the mobile site but also the desktop version. Driving me bonkers.
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Until about 15 minutes ago I couldn’t even click article links on here or see anything other than a big ad all night. Even with adblocker installed. The whole site looked like something from 1999 with crazy font and words pasted on top of each other. Couldn’t even use the contact form to email in and ask if there was a tech issue. The problems used to seem worse when I log in but lately it hasn’t mattered either way ie no like buttons showing on here again. It’s definitely frustrating to have all of these glitches but I’ll keep trying
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Hey Anonymous, we hear you. And I promise our tech team are working as hard as they can to resolve the issues. x
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OMM: Melanoma. I just had a skin tag removed from my face & the GP asked if I’d had a skin check. Nope, not that I remember. So she checked all my freckles & moles – there were alot. And found a mole on my shoulder that she also removed & has sent to the lab. Thing is my dad died last year from secondary cancers that were traced back to some melanomas he’d had removed. Family history can be a factor. So while I’m sure there’s no problem, I’ll feel a little bit better tomorrow afternoon around 2pm when I can confirm that there is in fact no problem!
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My Nan died from the same thing – secondaries and they never found the original melanoma.
Genetics isn’t a strong factor, it’s only like 3% or something. It’s not like breast cancer which is highly genetic, comparatively.
Good luck.
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Mamamia is not the best place to get your medical advice from! Kris2040 has given you incorrect advice hellopetal; best get your answers from reliable sources.
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Thanks for caring C, but I wasn’t asking for medical advice, just sharing what’s on my mind. I’m not expecting to die any time soon!
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OMM: USA, I’m leaving in a few weeks for a month in the states – my main question is how much money do I need to take? I’ll be saving hard between now and then and am quite worried I won’t have enough.
Not including accommodation of course because we’ll pay for that before we leave. Has anyone travelled to the states recently and did you have a rough budget/amount per day that you were tending to spend (just on average) ?
Also anyone have recs for accommodation in San Fran and also LA? We’ll only be in LA for a few days for a work venture, but will be in San Fran for a week. I’ve scored a friends apartment in NYC, it’s in NoHo…near SoHO I’m told. Anyone have good recs of anything cool to do around that area? I think it’s lower Manhattan but I could be wrong.
Thank you so much!
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I lived in the states for a number of years. in LA definitely stay around Hollywood, West Hollywood area (stay away from downtown). Depends what your budget is but I have always stayed at the Hollywood Celebrity Hotel (budget priced but best location). In San Fran, stay as close to Union Square as possible. If you aren’t hiring a car I would recommend doing the hop-on hop-off tour (LA can be tricky to get around without a car) to make sure you see all the touristy things.
Last time we were there was March this year, we did the budget hotel thing for 3 and half weeks in 5 different cities and spent around $12,000 all up including accommodation (for two of us). You can get by on about $150 a day for two including food, travel and entertainment. Some things will obviously be more expensive (like Universal Studios in LA which I would HIGHLY reccommend!).
New York is a great city for walking! Explore Chinatown on foot, see a broadway show, do the Empire State Building (I have been up at sunset which was spectacular) and make sure you use the subway, its so easy to use and will get you anywhere for a couple of $$.
Have fun! I miss the US every day! And most of all – do lots of shopping!
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$12,000 Wow! That’s a lot! I hope it includes airfares as well & lots of nice clothes & shoes!
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I spend at least $200 a day at the moment here on holidays – no shoes included!
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I got back from the states on Sunday. The dollar is very favourable and I was blown away by how cheap EVERYTHING is.
Honestly, if you’re really poor and not fussed about your diet then you could probably eat for under $15 a day (almost everywhere offers unlimited (bad) coffee, most meals are HUGE and can easily be shared between 2 people, it’s $1.50 plus tax for a hot dog and unlimited soda at Costco!)… it wouldn’t be much fun though, you’d also end up very fat and probably get scurvy. As for everything else – I don’t know what public transport would cost a day but it is far cheaper than in Australia and there’s always loads of free entertainment as well.
I personally would budget for at least $100 a day and save a few grand more for the shopping though, you want to enjoy your time there after all.
Some points to note:
- Take an empty suitcase (or better yet, buy one there) EVERYTHING is so cheap, I cannot stress this enough! Clothes are literally 25-50% the price you would pay here.
- Be wary of sales tax, it can be up to approx. 10% on the marked price in the store (depending on which state/city you’re in)…. however, always ask if they offer visitor discounts or sales tax exemptions. At some places you will get funny looks but at Macy’s (for example) all visitors were offered a 10% discount to make up for the sales tax they have to pay.
- Tips are now a minimum of 15% up to about 18% for great service… I arrived thinking it was still 10%, oops! I never knew who to tip so took the approach of, if in doubt – tip everyone.
- As a rough guide add 4 sizes to the US sizing to get your size in Aussie (ie a size 10 here is about a size 6 there). Shoes seemed to be about the same as at home though.
Bon voyage!
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I have been to LA twice and on my first visit absolutely HATED it! But on our last trip (Nov last year) I loved it and I think it had a lot to do with where we stayed. I would thoroughly recommend staying in Beverley Hills. We stayed at the Sofitel Beverley Hills which was pretty reasonably priced – right across the road from the Beverley Centre (big shopping mall) great restaurants, not far from Hollywood, the Grove and generally a nice patch!
In San Fran we stayed at the Sheraton Fishermans Warf. I liked it – nice spot – you can hop on the cable car (or the hop on hop off bus) and it will take you to the other side of town and into the city. Thoroughly recommend a bike trek across the Golden Gate bridge and over to Sausalito – amazing! One of the best things we did on our whole trip was hire a car and drive from LA to San Fran along the Pacific Coast – incredible views, gorgeous little towns and all in all a fabulous experience!
Have the best time! You pretty much cant go wrong whatever you choose to do!
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I stayed at the Chancellor in San Fran. We booked through a travel agent and got 4 nights for the price of 3. It’s in a good spot right near Union Square.
Have a great time. I recommend Jersey Boys if you are planning to see a show in NY. And make surrenders you check out Early, great place to eat.
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Thanks so much everyone! I’ve saved all of your suggestions
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OMM: the constant battle in my head: stay at my (hated, poorly paid) full-time job (that has zero prospects of promotion) because I am grateful that I got the job despite my lack of experience (I’m a PA, didn’t think it was that hard but apparently so!), save like a woman possessed for a house deposit (an unlikely dream as it is, especially with my salary), or screw the whole thing and retrain at uni for four years in something completely different, replying on my soon to be husband to provide for us both, throwing the house-buying thing out the window, especially as by the time I’ve finished uni I’ll be pining to have a baby.
It seems like such a mandatory thing, buying a house before you have a baby. Because to me it seems impossible (in Sydney at least) to do so on 1-1.5 incomes.
But since my dad died 2 years ago, the same line has been running through my head ‘Life’s too short!’. I should be happy with my life, rather than stressing about money and making my anxiety and depression go through the roof by staying at a job that I hate, gives me no fulfillment and pays crap anyway.
But I just don’t know if I’m brave enough! I’ve done 3 years of uni already, I hated being poor, and I appreciate having money to live on.
You see the constant see-saw argument in my head? No wonder I feel like going and living a hermit lifestyle in a treehouse sometimes.
Does anyone have any good ideas or experience they can offer to my polarized mind?
Regardless of all this, I am eternally grateful for my partner who has an endless supply of patience and gentleness when dealing with me and my indecision. Bless him.
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Why not do uni and temp during uni holidays?
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Had not thought of that! Thanks Gypsy. I knew it was a good idea to post today.
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My advice is a *total* punt – obviously I do not know you (!) and more importantly, no one can decide this for you except you …
… but my first thought is to leave your unhappy day-in-day-out job and go to uni.
You don’t know where it will lead to, and you don’t know when you will really feel ready for a baby – it may be sooner or later than you expect. You might have 6 or 12 months off uni in the middle with your first baby?
The bottom line is you go to work every day – this one makes you unhappy and you know it has does not have any future. Your description sounds like a jail sentence – and I know the feeling. If it was a relationship you’d have left last week !
An alternative is part time work, part time uni load. Have you considered that ?
I did it for four and a half years as a single person (two course units, 4 days of work with a bit of annual leave every semester towards finishing assignments and revising for exams) and made that work for me, with careful budgeting. If you wanted to speed it up, you could always work 2-3 days a week and do 3 course units. It wouldn’t stetch out for as long then.
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Hi you can definitely work during uni, you could even work on campus. It may not be a ‘career’ job but it will definitely help money wise. When I was at uni I only had 12 contact hours a week, not sure what degree you’ll be doing but I was able to work 15 hours a week at my casual job during uni. Also temping in the holidays is a great idea too. Good luck!
Ps not sure what state you’re in but in NSW some uni’s are more flexible than other with choosing your timetable so definitely look into that before you choose.
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If you know exactly what it is you want to retrain as, then go for it. I recently left my stressful (but well-paying) job to go back to uni and I am loving it! No regrets!
But often being a PA can be a great step on a ladder, if you’re with the right company. Have you tried changing to a different one? I see lots of job ads for PAs, even when the employment market is down, and with a good boss who sees your potential, opportunities can arise. This was my experience, did 3 months as a PA, filled in for a manager during an emergency and became a manager soon after. Luck, yes, but smart bosses want to see their staff progress within the company, I believe.
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Hi Jensta,
I worked full-time for my last year of part-time uni. It was crap but worth it. (Also I changed degrees twice!)
Also remember hospitality is your friend- you can work in a cafe or bar at nights and weekends, and with tips (with bar) you’ll probably end up earning close to the same. It’s a great way to make money and meet people.
I worked at a nightclub on the door for a couple of years, then moved up to management of the nightclub for my last year of uni so I worked Tues-Thurs during the day and Fri/Sat night, with uni on the other days. Hospitality isn’t really my thing but since I had a degree and management experience at the end of it- I landed a job in the industry I wanted fairly easily.
So what I am trying to say with that long ramble is there are ways to make enough money to live off and go to uni! I say go for it!
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OMM: there are way less people commenting than usual. Sad
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Open post
I have a series of questions that no one needs to answer, I just wish to vent a series of mystifying things:
1)Why has the council painted white lines along the side of the road as if they are bike lanes, but no symbols?
2)Why do people park in these white lined areas as if they are parking lines, surely only idiots would think that it gives them the right to park 30 cms from the corner, or in a T intersection
3)Why are trucks allowed to drive in the right hand lane if they are going the same speed (slow) as the truck in the left lane.
4)Why aren’t more people booked for driving below the speed limit in the right(overtaking ) lane?
5)If my disciplinary actions in high school work(and many other teachers) because I focus on the little problems first and find that as a consequent I hardly ever had to deal with big problems. Then why doesn’t this policy get applied to policing?
6)Why is the fine and points for speeding 4 kms over the limit = 15km over the limit? Surely one can easily mess up 4 km but not 15km.
7)Do trucks that lose a load lose points for having the load incorrectly packed
8)Are fines on truck drivers for speeding higher than those for car drivers? After all cars can stop more quickly and do less damage than a truck.
I look forward to other people’s mystifying questions.
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I know the answer to number three because I asked a truckie friend. Apparently they are on very tight schedules with their jobs and are under constant pressure time wise. If they get held up at traffic light it could mean one job/delivery that doesn’t get done which either means a blasting from their boss, the job going to someone else or money loss. So they hate being stuck behind anything that could slow them down…which is very frustrating for everyone else on the road.
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thanks for one answer
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What the heck happened to the handwriting post?
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Not sure what you mean?
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OMM: Bullies. So over it.
By son has been bullied at school for months. A note came home from my son’s class today. I’m sure all parents of schoolage children have received one “There has been a case of head lice reported in your child’s class. Please check your child’s hair and treat if necessary.”
This is the letter I would like to see go to certain parents of this class instead. “Your child has been reported for bullying behaviour. Please discuss this with your child and educate them as necessary.”
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LIKE!
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Great idea Anna! Sadly parents of bullies never seem to see that their “precious little darling” could be a bully.
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Hello everyone! Happy Hump Day!
OMM this week is holidays! I really need one but my boyfriend and I can only get a week off so we’re looking for things not too far from Sydney. One option is Adelaide and I would love to hear your recommendations for places to stay in and around Adelaide, places to eat, things to see etc! I’m really in need of some inspiration! Xo
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I would go for the Hunter Valley or Batemans Bay (road trips!) if you want somewhere really close to Sydney. Another option is New Zealand – Queenstown is a really short flight away and just stunning. I haven’t been to Adelaide but I hear it’s quite lovely too
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Lucky you!
I love Adelaide! I have family that live in Glenelg and I absolutely love going there. There’s a lot of nice restaurants and shops and it’s right near the beach (not that you will be doing a lot of swimming).
If you get an opportunity, I definitely recommend heading to the Barossa!
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Try McLaren Vale – a wine region in Adelaide. You’ll feel like you’re in the countryside but will still have great access to the city. Plus you can do some wine tours and stock up the cellar
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Tea depending on what you keen to experience a short drive from Sydney – 2 hours north – is the Hunter Valley wine region. Also, Port Stephens is beautiful and also only about 2 hours north of Sydney. Myall Lakes & Pacific Palms is about 3 hours north of Sydney. You could rent a little cottage for a week.
One of our favourite destinations is Noosa. Get cheap flights to Brisbane then it’s 2 hours north. Renting an apartment at this time of year would be super cheap as it is low season.
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This site is becoming very sleazy of late. That’s why I won’t be back. Sorry Mia, you’ve lost another reader.
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sorry i didnt’t mean to vote to that. can i “unvote”
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OMM:
How SCARY the www is……
It just dawned on me when reading some of the comments on Bianca’s post this week (http://www.mamamia.com.au/social/why-i-blog/) how EASY it is for Anonymous people to sit at home and fire words in ANYBODY’S direction at ANY TIME of the day or night! Words that are sometimes hurtful….. words that are sometimes mean, angry, aggressive, CRAZY! I mean even sometimes when people don’t INTEND to be upsetting, they still can be!
And then there are the INTENTIONALLY nasty keyboard warriors out there…. I’ve had a couple visit me before at my blog, and it really is unpleasant to be on the receiving end….
I love SO MUCH about the www but there’s this scary other side to it all that just seems so BIG and OUT OF CONTROL….
In other news, I’ve been cooking (and eating) LOADS AND LOADS of Chocolate…… next post is going to be a salad…..!
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OMM: why is crumpet packaging so crap? You open the packet and it rips everywhere and then you have to use another kind of plastic product to keep the uneaten ones fresh.
This thought can of course double-up as a major FWP…
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I was pondering this myself the other day…
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Or an excellent reason why crumpets can be three meals in a day?
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Excellent point.
Case well made!
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My work here is done x
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Agree completely! I open the top with a knife (between first and second crumpet), and then store it upside down so that the break in plastic doesn’t let in air.
First world problems, ahoy!
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It’s also a mystery to me why butter is sold in just a paper wrapper.
No seals, plastic, cardboard, foil, or anything superfluous.
I wonder why…?
I so don’t want that to change, of course – it’s great to be able to open butter one-handed, nearly.
Everything else is protected, wrapped and hermetically sealed. It’s a job to open most things these days.
Except butter.
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so true! I like the ye olde paper wrapping. Except my block of butter fell out of my fridge door yesterday and the whole corner of the block squashed and the paper split. Not happy! But I’d still prefer paper over plastic.
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Oh this made me laugh! So true!
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Drive me crazy! That’s why I dont buy them anymore
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I bought crumpets for the first time in years yesterday (and blogged it today http://blithemoments.blogspot.com.au/2012/08/crumpets.html) and had the lovely checkout lady point out the crap packaging was ripped so I could get a new packet. They manage to package english muffins just fine, why not crumpets?
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I picked up 3 packets from the shelf before I found one that wasn’t already open! I so agree about the muffins vs crumpet packaging!
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Hey MMers!
Have to say, thanks for the lycra chuckles, MM.
Loving my week so far. Had a super nice weekend – went out on my hot date with the cute plumber – nice dinner then we saw some of my friends play at a nearby bar/restaurant. Was great fun. Then a late coffee – perfect gentleman, I’m happy to report. Next day he calls me to see what I’m up to in the afternoon and comes and hangs out with me and my crazy pooch at the local markets. And I think – don’t quote me just yet – but he may actually be relaltively normal!! *smirk*
Had coffee with him last night on m way home from work. (Oh ok, so it was a pash and dash with a coffee ?!) Was heading to a gfs for an evening of culture – a play. Get to her house, trying to considerately park so her eldest could get her car in – run over her water meter….Now – I know cute plumber is a plumber, but we ain’t in favour country yet, are we lol. So – I shoot the show tickets over to another gf wih a half hours notice, grab some English Toffee ice cream on the way back and sit with my gf and wait for the plumber to arrive. Bless her cotton socks, my gf. I ruin her night and her water meter and all we do is laugh. Mind you – it is the 3rd time its happened. And as she said – ‘I was worried you were about to say you’d run over my cat!’
Today i’m rocking some red lipstick. For no other reason that it feels like a red lippie kinda day! And I’m off to kareoke with the usual suspects tonight. Cute plumber may even make an appearance
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What a great comment – made me smile heaps!! Hope the cute plumber makes and appearance. LOL
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He did!! *squeee!!!*
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What a brilliant post. Even inspired me to pop on some red lippie.
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Love this!
Old english toffee and easygoing mates
cute plumber, red lipstick, exciting dates
Brown paper packages, tied up with string…
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I would like to listen to the new radio program BUT will never listen to any station that vile Kyle is on!!!!!
I was really surprised that Mia is happy for her program to sit along a misogynist a-hole like him. I say practice what you preach sister!
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“I am pretty much GAGA”??? arent you the one who bagged out the concert for being dull and over produced?
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I’m pretty sure it was Mia who did, not Nat!
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That was me. Love Gaga. Not so much the concert.
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I have never written here before, but read MM daily.
OMM: My long term (8Y) bf was offered a great job OS a couple of months back and is now living OS. I am still at Uni finishing up a research project within the next 5-6 months and have had the opportunities to travel back and forth for visits and otherwise our relationship is a Skype relationship.
When we are on Skype and email, he is all about how much he misses me, how he regrets being OS and how he just wants us to get a house and have a family, which is nice and what has been the plan for a while (just need to finish Uni).
So a couple of weeks back I get to go and visit him, which I was looking forward to, but he is all annoyed with me constantly… rolling his eyes at any comments and just sitting at his computer working or on the ipad playing constantly. When I comment on it, he is like – well, this is what I do now. And I had to remind him that I am here now, so he doesn’t have to be online all the time.
Anyway, I have taken time out of my studies to come over and “entertain” him and make him happy and he just seems to find it annoying that I am here.
This is a very big work opportunity for him and I feel that he just wants to show that he can do it on his own, but I am unsure whether that means that he doesn’t want my support either.
It is just such an unfortunate situation as we have ended our lease on the Australian apartment, sold all our stuff as we were moving OS and basically I am just staying with friends when back at Uni. So if he decides that he wants this relationship to end, so he can be a big shot in a company OS and prove that he can make it alone, then I am just screwed – being on a very small scholarship, no apartment, (risk of losing visa) and having to start from scratch.
We are both stressed – him working hard and me finishing my degree, but can he really start liking(loving) me again once he has decided that I am just annoying?
When I confronted him yesterday, saying that I wanted to go back to Australia as there is no point in being here when it’s not making him happy – he just said that I give up too easily and maybe I should finish my degree and then we could take this discussion then. Not sure what to do or think, I don’t think our relationship has ever been like this for 8 years and it is the first time I have ever thought that it would end.
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So sorry to hear all that, Maggie. But thanks for coming to MM and feeling like you can share. Hopefully some of our commenters have some advice for you. And until then – sending you hugs
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Thank you Lucy! Really enjoying MM!
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My advice is to stick it out. Long distance relationships can be really hard and sometimes the transition between telephone/skype/face to face is far more difficult than anyone could imagine. Combine that with a new job and end of degree and you have a recipe for frustration on all sides! I’ve been there, cried through it and made it out the other end – we’re now happily married and are about to hit 11 years together, not all of them easy but definitely great now. His feelings towards you are unlikely to have changed that quickly, maybe he’s got something else going on that he’s ashamed to admit like he’s lonely, not doing as well at his job as he thought, possibly homesick? Try not to focus on that stuff too much when you are physically together (I know it’s really hard) and go for picnics or bike rides or to see a museum – whatever you enjoy doing together.
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Thank you so much Laura. I guess that’s what I wanted to hear.
It’s funny because when I was a teenager I could almost get annoyed with my mum just for coming home in the afternoon after a long days work – just the change from being alone in the afternoon and suddenly having someone there. So I sort of know how he feels, and yet it is SO different being the one feeling rejected.
We have previously managed 3 months apart on different continents, but I guess we didn’t have all the other stress factors back then.
Probably just imagined a “movie reunion” with us going into “honeymoon mode” when we see each other and forgot that our separate lives go on. Will be patient and hope that the honeymoon will actually happen eventually.
So happy to hear that that’s what happened for you!
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Movies have so much to answer for! I used to expect the honeymoon mode too and would get so snappy when it didn’t work out that way because life should be like the movies! Especially as we were in LA and it even looked like it should be a movie
I was just thinking that you’ve gone over with expectations of what it will be like and are a bit frustrated it hasn’t worked out that way – could the same be true for him? Is the reality of the new job and working OS not meeting his expectations? It could be much harder than he expected or he might not have made any friends. Just a thought! Big hug, and hope it works out for you guys.
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Maggie I am so sorry to hear what you are going through.
My only advice to mitigate any issues is make sure you are looking out for #1 (you) at all times.
When I was between jobs when I moved to be with my man, I think I really got on his nerves, but it was because I was more or less hanging off him, and around 24/7 with nothing better to do or contribute. When I got settled into a new job, when he saw me, he was excited to see me again because we had things to talk about, and things to do for quality time again.
I guess what im trying to say is stay true to your studies, and try to make the most of being OS & doing the long distance thing.
If your relationship thrives, you will have your degree, and your friends and job etc to enjoy together.
if the relationship doesnt last, you will have still made a huge attempt, and a lot of headway with your own life goals, and it will be hard to ever consider that time OS/relationship a waste
good luck and (hopefully) enjoy
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Thank you Cait! I am sure (or hope) that you are right!
Just great to get the comments from you and Laura! Nice that you can put a comment here giving just the right comments, because other people have tried the same or a similar situation. It also makes it easier than talking to friends, who might judge you, your partner or the situation.
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Hey Maggie – welcome to MM! I’m doing long distance too. At times it’s great, at times it’s very rough (like when I spend the plane ride home crying!). Like the commenter above, I would stick with it. Maybe he’s just gotten used to being on his own and so he’s having a hard time adjusting to having you around again? I would have a big chat to him to try to get to the bottom of why exactly he might be feeling this way and also make a long-term plan for the two of you so that you each know which way you’re heading. Good luck. xxx
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Thank you Natalie! Another nice encouraging comment.
We will work through this and not give up.
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Been through exactly the same thing and it was so confusing…turned out he was having an affair.
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OMM: new job. I’ve been trying to find a new job for a few months now and nothing. Not a single interview. I know that for some i’m way under qualified and for others i’m over qualified but I can’t seem to find anything that I’m “just right” for.
It’s also frustrating as I want to go back to uni next year as what I really want to do, i need a qualification for so I someimes I wonder whether it’s even worth finding another job if I’ll probably try to find something in my field in a years time.
I know it’s time to move on, i’m treated like a commodity here rather than as a person but it’s just so comfortable staying here.
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I’ve only just scored a six month job, it’s taken me since October of last year.
Just wondered if you’re calling up the people that you’ve sent resumes through to? It helped me immensely, and is a good way to be on their radar. If you have been doing this, then I don’t have any further helpful advice for you and can only say that I truly feel your pain.
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Yes I have, admittedly I’ve only followed up with the ones that I really really want. It’s so difficult!
I have a feeling alot of the places are being given to internal staff which is annoying considering they have to advertise externally as well,
But congrats for you! At least it seems there is light at the end of the tunnel!
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It sucks, doesn’t it? I’m getting through to interview stage, but still no luck after a couple of months dedicated searching. The last job I got an interview for, I was one of eleven – from 186 applicants! It’s crazy out there.
Wish you all the best!
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Mamamia,
Don’t want to sound all whingy, but lately I don’t seem to have the option to “like” a comment and can’t see other people’s likes…
This happening to anyone else?
Love Mamamia so finding it frustrating I can’t view it all properly – first world problem I know
PS I just edited this comment as galleries are now working for me…
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Hey Ali – thanks for letting us know. We’ll look into it
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I find that I can’t ‘like’ anything if I’m signed in. Thus, I sign in if I want to say something, but don’t if I’m just looking to like what someone else has written. At this point I’m just living with it!
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Yeah, me too, can’t ‘like’ anything if I’m signed in, so I don’t bother.
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I hadn’t noticed when it was happening but you’re right – I just tried logging in and all the “likes” disappeared. I signed out and they’re back
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Please please post a link where I can Podcast the show from as we don’t get that station in northern NSW. xx
P.S I have jean envy Mia.
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OMM: Getting my Whopping Cough booster shot today so I can see my friends gorgeous 3 week old boy!
So excited to meet him! It’s my first friend baby (as in close friend who has had a baby) hehe
Though nervous because no matter what the shot I pass out!
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Update: I got my booster shot, and I didn’t pass out!
Didn’t know it was mixed with Diphtheria and Tetanus, so I was worried that the Tetanus part would hurt, but I barely felt a thing!
The nurse was awesome!
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Woohoo for not passing out Maggie! And yay for awesome nurses… they make such a difference. Enjoy your baby cuddles
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OMM: My body.
It’s driving me crazy at the moment. I have a specialists appointment tomorrow to find out about what’s going with my stomach (& related bits) after many weeks of pain and things not working properly. Although realistically I don’t think that things have been quite right for almost a year. So won’t that be fun. Good to get it all sorted out, or at least it will be.
And now I get to add a late period to the mix. 4 days late and all tests are coming up negative for a baby which is a bit sad and frustrating. I wish I knew which it was, pregnant or not pregnant. Maybe the doc will have some answers for me tomorrow.
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Mia’s tweet re: the weight of marathon runners is hypocritical and poorly thought out. Who is she to judge the healthy weight of a woman? I thought you were all about embracing the diverse range of sizes a woman’s body can come in.
If they’re running marathons, clearly they’re in pretty decent shape.
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Hi Shaz,
I posed a question based on the commentary I’d heard. It actually sparked a very interesting discussion on Twitter from health professionals and former athletes about how to get to peak condition to compete, you often have to get to weight levels that are in fact unhealthy.
I am about embracing diversity but that doesn’t exclude asking questions and being curious about other things such as health implications at the same time.
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I’m not on Twitter which is a shame as I would have been interested in what the health professionals had to say. Thanks for your response Mia
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OMM: So I know this is silly, but I just had one of those work health checks where they do your blood sugar, cholesterol, blood pressure and measure your waist. I am healthy apart from my waist measurement putting my in the ‘high risk’ category for health concerns. The lady was trying to be nice to me and tell me to maybe reduce my portion sizes and maybe what I think I am eating is healthy when it isn’t really. She also gave me a couple of websites to look at to get ideas on how to lose ‘a couple of centimetres.’
This upsets me for a couple of reasons- one when I was very young and in primary school there was a nurse who was doing health checks and specifically called my mum in to tell her in front of me that I was fat. I don’t think my body image has ever recovered and I have almost always hated myself in some way. This lady today has taken me back to that little girl who had some puppy fat and has made me feel sad and awful about myself.
Secondly (not that it matters) I am a size 10-12 and I exercise between 4 and 6 times a week and (think) I eat healthily about 85% of the time. I left the room and went to a storeroom and cried for a bit and am at my desk on the verge of crying now. I just feel so bad about myself when I know I shouldn’t.
Sorry, I know it is a superficial thing but I just feel so sad
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You are not your waste measurement. Nor are you a little girl anymore. You are a woman who has been given some information that may help manage your future health. Be kind to yourself. Hope your day improves.
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* big hug *
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Sorry to hear that kittykatkate, I remember when my younger sister was little and had a doctor tell her she was fat as well, it took her a long time to recover from that, helped that my mum cracked it at the doctor!
If you are really worried I’d say go to your GP and ask him/her about it and see if it is something that you really need to address, health wise.
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You must be really short if you have a too big waist & still fit in a size 10-12!
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This is a photo of me (forgive me holding a sword- I was at a castle in the UK and the photo itself isn’t that great, but I don’t seem to have many full body shots
I am about 5’6
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You look perfectly fine to me
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I have a similar story to yours kitty… I had to see a different GP once to get a new pill script as my regular GP was on holidays. The GP (a man in his 50s) weighed me and said I was overweight. At the time, I was about 68 kgs and am about 170 cms tall. I was going to the gym every day and am just a bigger build, but his little comment crushed my self-esteem and caused many issues for me.
As a commenter above said, you are not your waist measurement and your body shape is how you were born. If you feel healthy and you’re active (which it seems like you are!) then don’t beat yourself up.
Take care xxx
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Thanks ladies- I know in my mind I am healthy, I exercise and eat well most of the time, it just came as a shock to hear someone (in my mind) basically say you are fat (even though she didn’t say that at all) that is all I hear. I know better than to focus just on that but today is just one of those days.
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Firstly, hugs to you. I had weight issues as a young person and it’s pretty hard to get past, even when it has been years since you were big.
It’s absolutely not silly to be upset, but it’s also not something you should completely dismiss either. Waist measurement is a concern because of what it indicates – if you generally eat quite well, do you think there is anything you could pinpoint (like maybe sugar) that is a weakness for you and might be an obvious link to the cause? I myself have a problem with sugar.
If not, I would suggest perhaps considering digestion and whether bloating is an issue (rather than actual fat). Then maybe just adding more movement into your daily life – that has helped me a lot – not a full gym session, just a bit more moving, like walking around the office.
Just trying to give some ideas – these things have helped me. I am a size 10/12 too and have a lifestyle just like yours… I’d be upset by this too. xx
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When I was in my late teens, I was referred to a specialist.
My GP gave me a copy of the report, which began, “This woman is obese.”
I am 5’8″ and I was 10 stone at the time. (and still am) – that’s about 63 kilos, I think…?
I thought I’d never get over that.
But from then on, I thought, if they think I’m obese at ten stone, and this is an expert medical opinion, how much “should” I lose to be a “normal” weight?
And then I knew I was just fine as I was.
And so are you, kittycatkate – lookin’ good in the photo!
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What the fuck???!!! 5’8″ and 63kg is OBESE??? What planet is that doctor on??? Maybe he gave you the wrong report??!!
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Had my name on it, Petal.
But I accept that mix-ups occur. Glad that one didn’t happen to someone who would beat themselves up over it for the rest of her life.
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Hi Kitty Kat Kate, in a way I can relate to what you’re going through. I’m a tall, size 12 girl and last year I was helping out at a community health check and for fun I did my waist measurement – I found out my waist measurement was 2cm over what it should be for women. It was a massive shock to me, because my BMI has always sat around 22, and I thought that was the important thing. I can understand that it is hurtful and I want to reiterate that it does NOT mean you are fat! Personally, that was a difficult thing for me to wrap my head around. At the end of the day, I just had to realise that irrelevent to how you look, waist measurements are an important indicator of health.
That’s the great thing (the whole point!) about those work health checks – they can bring things to your awareness that you had no idea was an issue. Do you have a good relationship with your GP? Perhaps you could go and they could talk you through it a bit more thouroughly. I ended up visiting a naturopath (for a different health reason) and they went over my diet with a fine tooth comb (for over an hour we talked about my diet!) and I was given some brilliant, practical advice. I’m fortunate that between that and upping my activity levels it’s sorted itself out.
I know it’s hard not to take it personally, especially because based on what you are doing you obviously care about your health and your body! Don’t be discouraged. Be kind to yourself. All the best XXX
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Thanks everyone for your kind and constructive comments, I really do appreciate the feedback. I am not going to lie, I cried all the way from work to home and then felt better. Like I said I know I am living a healthy life, but it wouldn’t hurt to go to my GP and just get another opinion.
So again thank you for your support yesterday, it warmed my little heart!
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Oh Kitty Kat Kate I really feel for you! I spent my entire childhood being told I was fat by my father. It is so hard to recover. It took me years, probably until my late twenties, to feel comfortable in my own skin. You sound perfectly healthy. Don’t take it on. The standard measurements they use could be out dated. If you feel good then that’s all that matters.
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OMM: There’s a few things but mostly its this.
Yesterday my sister told me her husband hit her. She called the cops, had him arrested and left him. He’s an angry little loose cannon of a man none of us have ever liked. he’s got a bad temper, drinks too much and lacks many social graces. But she was saying all the right things, cancelled her house lease, arranged for somewhere else to live, packed up her stuff, staying “I’m not putting up with that …” and all that right stuff.
Anyway, she was all geed up to leave the town she lives in and then thought she’d stay the night and drive today. Then she thougt it would only be fair that he have a picture of their baby becuase he doesn’t have one so she’d just print one out and drop it off to him. Then she didn’t leave straight away today for who knows why but its all just time to think. And when I was texting last night saying how she’s doing the right thing, but there was nothing fair about him hitting her so why should she be fair to him (and give him a photo) & the blame for him not having his daughter there every. single. day. lays squarely at his feet… And she told me I was just being fucking annoying…
So now, honestly, I am angry. Am I being really selfish that I just think – “you know what? I’ve bailed you monetaraly, I’ve backed you when you’d made fucked up decisions before, I’ve met and been polite to every wanker you’ve dated (and there’s been plenty) i’ve put up with this bloke you married disrspecting our house, forcing my kids to kiss him for an icy pole, telling my kids to lie to me,him drinking at 7am in the morning, him being drunk and treating you like shit every time we have seen the both of you … and now my support for you leaving is annoying? Then do it on your freaking own then…’
i feel like the worst sister in the world, because I should be that support person now. But i just feel blurgh – I want her to leave him because she deserves better than that. But then she slaps me in the face with “you’re so fucking annoying” and I think why waste my energy when it also came with a “it would be easier to stay and go back to him”.
I’m hoping its just my anger talking now. And her struggling to deal with it all speaking.
So I think I’ll just back off on the supporting comments to her. Have a wine with her when she gets home and hope she was just struggling.
Is that a terrible thing to do? what’s the right thing to do in these situations?
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Take care of you. She needs to come to the decision herself ultimately. You’re a good sister x
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Oh I have no advice but I feel for you, I really do. Sending you hugs and good luck. xx
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Oh that is awful. I’ve been in similar situations with my sister and I think as hard as it is you just have to try not to take it personally and to be patient. I’m sure she’s feeling like shit and like she’s failed and sometimes it’s easier to take it out on the people that love us the most because we know they’ll stick around no matter what. I wonder too if she got angry and sent that text because she knows you’re right and sometimes the truth is very hard to hear when your heart is involved.
You sounds like an awesome sister, hang in there!
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I’m going to stay anon for this one but my sister is in a pretty similar situation with 2 kids. Her husband has hit her numerous times, even in front of their children, he even stuck a knife to her throat once in front of my eldest niece and threatened to kill her. Her kids are only young but you can tell it has affected them, for e.g. one time my niece was play fighting with her sister but she kept yelling out I’m going to kill you. His excuse…. he had a tough childhood. Cops have been in and out of their house, my sister has left him numerous times but always goes back. They went through counselling recently and she has assured us that he has changed and is a better husband/father but I don’t know…. I truly hate him but can’t say this to her of course.
I’m sorry I don’t know what to say to make things better for your situation I just hope both our sisters end up making the right choices for themselves.
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See this is what scares me! I know this bloke won’t change one little bit but she’s defended him to the hilt (before their baby too) and its always us that judge him too harshly, its us that have social standards that are too high for him to meet etc etc and it just scares the freak out of me that it will end up like this.
Gosh I wish you the best that your sister gets herself out of that situation. I just hope I can keep mine out of it.
Good luck!
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My sister’s problem was nothing so drastic but i got the same sort of reply from her; i was so mad i sent her a text like you sent to this site. She was horrified.
Maybe you need to send her these comments about what you feel the shock will make her realise that she is hurting you, say nothing and she will never know.
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I obviously don’t know the full story but your sister is packing up her entire life, moving and leaving the father of her child… it’s probably a really tough time for her and so she may say or do things now (and for a while yet) that she doesn’t really mean. A bit of understanding and forgiveness might be the way to go for the time being.
I can also understand how constantly talking about or alluding to the issue, even with good intentions, could be irritating. She may feel you’re pressuring her, even though it is the right decision and one she’s made herself. At stressful times in my life I’ve been known to lash out at those close to me purely because they’re there. As they say, we hurt the ones we love the most.
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I hope so. Thank you.
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Sorry for what both of you are going through, Angry.
I get this a fair bit with my sisters and it troubles me. Apparently I come across as lecturing and judgemental. I really don’t mean to be, but I see them making choices that are bad for them and their kids, who I adore, and I worry about their health and safety.
But nobody gives up a vice until the’re ready, no matter what anyone else says to them, and love is a drug like any other…in the meantime, us caring sisters cop the brunt of their frustration with themselves, I suppose…
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I’ve realised I have this need for people to like me. It’s not that I want to be everyone’s best friend, but I want to be friends with everyone! Anyway, this sometimes comes out as being self-conscious and yeah. Dunno why I do it.
The weather is so gross. So looking forward to after work and watching Winners and Losers online!
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Feeling very very sad. My grandmother in Brisbane broke her hip last Wednesday, had surgery last Thursday, and is now in palliative care. My dad and his siblings are all together to say goodbye. I’m in Melbourne and my brother, sister and I feel so helpless.
Our parents recommend we don’t see our Nan the way she is with tubes, drips, oxygen etc, and she is unconscious so she wouldn’t recognise us but part of me wants to be there. Another part doesn’t want to be in the way and thinks it’s better to leave the ‘children’ to have their time with her, especially considering it was all so unexpected.
I had only 2 weeks ago booked tickets for Lauren and I to visit her mid September and now I’m too late.
My heart is especially breaking for my Dad, and my grandfather. I’m 34 and have never lost anyone close to me, so it’s all new for me.
I know I should be grateful that my Nan is in no pain and will pass away peacefully, but I can’t stop crying. She’s my Nan – she taught me to knit, we spent school holidays with her, I can smell her 4711 perfume and feel her arms around me and I can hear her call me “pet” with her wonderful Welsh accent.
I just can’t comprehend how this has happened.
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Oh bless. Write her a letter. I understand that even while unconscious they can still hear. Ask your folks to read it to her. And give yourself a huge hug xx
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Thank you so much. I’ve done this now, and emailed it to my parents to read to her. My heart is breaking but I do feel it will be a little bit of closure.
xx
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Hi Laurensmum
My nanna passed away a few years ago, aged 93 after a long battle with Altzheimers. I had not seen her during the last year, and was determined not to see her at the end because I didn’t want to remember her “like that”, but rather as my healthy, robust, independant nanna.
However, during the final couple of days I went o the hospital, mainly to support my mum, and I am so glad I did. The cousins all spent time, sitting around in her room, reminiscing about the “old days” when we were kids at Nanna’s house. She was unconscious, but I felt like she “knew” we were all there, even though she had not recognised anybody for about 5 years.
What I am trying to say is, go with what you feel. If you really want to see your nan, then do so. It is such a personal decision, and one that only you can make.
Sending you love, I know this is such a difficult time for you.
xxxxxxxx
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Thank you, and I’m sorry for your loss. My Dad has 3 siblings and I have cousins that live in Brisbane, so there are so many people there already that I just feel I’d be in the way.
I just spoke to my Dad briefly and he said he’s talked with my Grandfather who would really love to see Lauren and I in September still, rather than going up there now. He wants to go and do things as planned to break the routine etc, especially once all the other relatives go home.
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I’m so sorry to read this Laurensmum. I lost both my grandmothers years ago, I was especially close to my mum’s mum and even though it’s been over 20 years that she has passed I still think of her all the time.
Right now it’s my husband who is going through the possibility of his grandma passing away. She was recently diagnosed with cancer and is having to go through chemo for it, she is 86 so there’s a large risk.
Wishing you lots of strength during this hard time.
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Thank you so much, and I’m very sorry for your situation also. I can’t imagine what it must be like watching anyone you love, especially an 86 year old, go through chemotherapy.
I will keep everything crossed for you.
xx
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Thank you!
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Who went to their 20th high school reunion? Mine is coming up & not sure if I’ll go.
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Oh Gawd, I didn’t go to the last one cause I’d been eating for Australia but the one before was a triumph! I had hundreds of ‘OMG! You’re so THIN!’ and in my head I’m thinking, ‘Well, yeah, i haven’t eaten since January!’ Call me shallow but I’d never walk into that den of vipers carrying one extra ounce of fat! I think the next reunion must be our … geez, 35th, I think … so a complete body and facelift will be needed!
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Well, that’s kinda depressing.
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Woah, glad I didn’t go to a school like that.
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I wish I hadnt either. As Sneet says further down, there’s nothing like a school reunion to make you realise why you didn’t keep in touch with most of them.
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I went to mine and I was sooo hesitant about attending (at the time wasn’t married, no kids blah blah). It ended up being quite a good night. All the girls looked almost exactly the same and I’m afraid most of the guys were fat and bald. True! I was worried I’d regret not going (hence why I made the call to go) and I’m really glad I did. As shallow as it sounds I was well prepped for it though – new outfit, fancy blow dry and a few (not too many!) drinks before going.
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GO! We all went because only months before our School Captain died of a heart attack. Made us realise we aren’t all invincible.
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A girlfiend of mine has a brilliant theory on reunions…..
“The is nothing like a school reunion to make you realise why you never kept in touch with all of those people…….”
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I went to my 30 Year reunion last Saturday. I have to say, it was the best night.
Most of the girls haven’t changed much, apart from being a little heavier – myself included, and a lot of the boys are grey and/or bald!
I say go, you have the most intense relationships with school friendsand it’s worth catching up. It was funny with some people, it was like we’d seen each other last week – not 30 years ago!!!!
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I went to mine and it was nice to see that the nice girls had become lovely women with happy lives. The mean girls had become bitchy women who peaked in high school.
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Go. And if you’re not enjoying yourself just slip quietly away. I’ve loved (but LOVED) my school reunions, including my 30th last year (gawd it made me feel old though).
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My ten year is in December, and I have zero interest in attending. I literally count five people from my high school as friends. Luckily for me, the work Christmas Party is on the same night, and since I’m organizing it, I really should go to that.
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I went to mine and it was so much fun. So hilarious the way everyone just clicked back into their groups. Mine was a girls school so there weren’t too many of us. Did you enjoy school? If so, go! Sneak off early if you’re bored.
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OMM: Got my tax done last night and I’m up for a $3,800 tax return! Woo hoo! Going to be sensible and put it in my savings account. After I buy this:
Question for readers: I’m looking at getting some sort of lip plumping gloss / lipstick / cream whatever. Any suggestions? Always had somewhat thin lips, except for when I got my lower lip pierced and looked like Kim Bassinger for a week.
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Sorry, image a bit fuzzy… It has gold / brass buttons.
http://www.modcloth.com/shop/jackets/command-a-chance-coat
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Can I suggest not buying Sally Hansen Lip Inflation? It’s useless
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Thanks, will avoid!
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I had a lovely one from Bloom.
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Uh oh. You’ve just introduced me to that website. My bank account shakes its binary fist at you.
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Try the soap and glory range. Lovely colors, reasonable prices and available at myers
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Thank you!
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Yeah, my sister introduced me to it last year, thankfully just in time to make up a birthday wishlist and give it to all and sundry. So far I’ve managed to score three brilliant dresses from the place and have another two that I’m plumping for come this year’s birthday.
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OMM: Also feeling homesick which is just stupid because I have been in Australia for 20 years but yesterday it snowed in Johannesburg (VERY RARE) and Facebook was filled with photos of my old haunts covered in snow and I felt a big tug.
Added to this my dad’s partner is sick and I just wanted to be with them in South Africa.
Still missing all my MM’ers so come like the iVillage Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/iVillageAustralia and let’s reunite xxx
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OMG, snow??
*** googles images ****
Lana, I’m looking at a picture of the Wits library lwans covered in snow, & it’s sent me 500 kinds of nostalgic.
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* lawns
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If it makes you feel any better, I missed the snow too! I’m on leave in Cape Town and it snowed in Jozi. Can’t believe it. Also apparently it was terrible for traffic so there’s that.
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I’m looking at studying a masters in information management. From the ALIA recognised courses, it seems that Charles Sturt offers the best masters degree (and is also by distance which I need).
I’m really interested in attending the best university course on offer and just wondering if anyone has any opinions or experience with a Masters of Information Management.
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LOVE how there is a dog in your office! I wish our office could be that laid back, I’m sure that would increase productivity. I would also love to be able to wear smart casual clothing like MM staff do, instead I’m stuck wearing boring office wear and get berated for not wearing a suit!
Another thing OMM. I miss New York and am dying to go back. I went a year ago but some friends are currently there and it makes me miss it so much. I know that’s such a first world problem since I was only there 12 months ago, but that city really struck a cord with me. I fell in love. Is it too self-endulging for me to go back? I really need to do more travelling and I’ve decided to book tickets in October for the next Northern summer! Bring on 2013
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Did anyone else see Will Ferrel on The Project last night?
I thought he was totally disrepectful to Julia Gillard! My husband said “he’s a comedian, that’s what they do”.
I understand he’s a comedian, but i believe a bit of respect for our Prime Minister is not a lot to ask for…..
Had my school reunion on Saturday night, it was the best night and i can’t stop thinking about it. Oh, to be young, innocent and 17 again!!!!
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If an Australian comedian went on a panel show with Barack Obama and called him ‘Bazza’…imagine the uproar!
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I found the whole panel disrespectful to be honest. I don’t like Prime Minister Gillard, nor would I ever vote for her – but I still respect the position she holds. They were all chatting to her like she was just some politician and not the leader of our country. However, I do wonder what her PR people are thinking putting her in front of the Project panel.. perhaps it’s to be expected? I love The Project, don’t get me wrong, but they’re not exactly Q&A.
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When he said “Miss.. Mrs… Oh, can I just call you Jules?” In the moment I laughed but immediately after I thought that was quite disrespectful. I’ve heard him talk about the time he met Obama and I can’t imagine he would have been quite so colloquial.
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I think it was all a bit of fun and not worth stressing about. The Prime Minister knew what she was getting herself into being on the Project. She is often interviewed on Kyle and Jackie O and Hamish and Andy, and the conversations they have with her run along the same lines. I’m Liberal through and through, but I am impressed by her sense of humour and the way she conducts herself. I though it was a funny segment!
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A few things OMM today. Let’s start with what happened today…. having to deal with unprofessional people at work! I work p/t at a cooking school and there was supposed to be a class on tonight and I was schedule to be there at quarter to 5 so I turn up and no one is there in the class (the cooking class is attached to a kitchen/cookware store and there were 3 people working in the store). No one said anything to me when I walked in and clocked onto the computer so I just assumed I was the first one there, which is strange because usually the chef is there first. Anyway I start setting up for the class and 10mins later the manager of the culinary department walks in and says Uh what are you doing here? I said I’m here for the class and he said oh it’s been cancelled didn’t anyone tell you? gljasoalhgauoags!!!!! (that was me trying not to crack the shits at him) I said NO no one told me otherwise I wouldn’t be here! And the even more annoying part was that the other 3 people working in the store knew the class had been cancelled but no one bothered to come in and tell me! When I left I called one of the girls up on it and said to her why didn’t she tell me the class was cancelled and her response was oops sorry I forgot
Luckily I live pretty close to work so it wasn’t much of a drive and since I was there (the shop I work is in a large shopping centre) I decided to look around a bit and ended up in Sephora of course! I’m not a big makeup person, I pretty much have the same routine every day, I change things up here and there if I’m going out or something but generally it’s nothing crazy. So every now and then I get the urge to go buy something and since my friend’s wedding is coming up soon I thought I’d go have a look at what they had in store. Anyway came out with a blush (mine had actually ran out so it was needed) got the true and tested NARS orgasm. Was looking for a nice eyeshadow palette but didn’t find any I liked so I aborted the mission.
Got home and went straight onto Sephora’s website and after much searching and reading reviews (hard to tell what’s good and not the reviews are so up and down!) I settled for a palette by Lorac (here’s the link http://www.sephora.com/unzipped-200-value-P303412?skuId=1385988)
I think I’ll get a lot of use out of it and seeing as I don’t wear eyeshadow all the time I’m sure it will last me ages! Also ended up getting an eyebrow pencil haven’t used one in ages but thought I’d give it another shot! Luckily in this country you can return things very easily! Now to find a dress for the wedding!
Speaking of shopping and weddings I made my first ever purchase on Etsy today… man you can really get lost on the site! My friend who is getting married in Toronto at the end of August actually lives in Melbourne but is having her wedding in TO as her family are all there. So they have requested money in lieu of gifts for their wedding as obviously it will be hard for them to take things back to Melbourne. I wanted to get them something though on top of the money we will be gifting them and after much searching and trying to find something they can take back with them I ended up ordering a print (will be unframed but they can frame it later). Not sure if it’s too corny but it’s an eye chart (her husband to be is a doctor) and it says And they lived happily ever after with her and her husband’s name and wedding date down the bottom. Thought it was something different and unique for them to frame.
Also OMM (yep I know it’s a long one today) is my pill. I was complaining last time about how I was worried about my period not returning, which it did and the first few days were terrible but then something even better happened and just confirmed for me that getting off the pill was the best thing to do… so TMI but my sex drive is back with a vengeance lol. Seriously when I was on the pill I would feel like I was forcing myself to have sex as bad as that sounds and as much as I love my husband my drive just wasn’t there and I knew it was the pills! And now things are SO much better, plus I’m not getting so overly emotional and moody about everything! Yep definitely staying off those pills!
Have also been exercising more than I normally would and have been sticking to a pretty good routine, messed up today and drove to the gym only to realise I’d forgotten my access card so drove back home (luckily only 2mins drive) and instead ended up going for a 30min walk outside, would’ve gone longer but it was 35 outside!
And FINALLY things have become a lot nicer between my MIL and SIL, I emailed my SIL to see how she was doing and she sent me back a nice email and have been in contact with MIL via text, husband’s grandma is sick and so have been checking up on her and well it’s nice after a long time to building a relationship with them.
Oh and as for the hurdles game my top score was 15.4 secs husband got 10 something…!
Sorry for going on and on this week!
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Interesting, I’ve found that pill related moodiness/stress/depression has occurred for a few young women I’m working with. Its not something I’ve asked before, but I now I find myself asking if timing symptoms have anything to do with going on the pill
Glad things are going better with your husband (I haven’t checked MM for a while)
Y
http://yveblogs.wordpress.com
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Thanks Yve. I know for me it was definitely the pill that was causing my up and down mood swings and my emotions going haywire! I’ve been off for a few months now and have noticed a definite difference.
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Hey Cinnamon – bugger about the work stuff up. Bloody rude of em!
Will have to check out the Sephora website methinks!
Glad you have your mojo back
xx
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Hey Haven! Thanks for your comment… I was half asleep on this side of the world so sorry for late reply hehe.
I’m glad I have it back too
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Well, I’ve been so terribly sick this week it’s been a nightmare! Husband is interstate for business and I have 3 kids, so we have all been snuggled up watching way too much tv, they have been having lunch orders everyday and the local family Italian restaurant has been delivering our dinners. I don’t really care if I’m failing parenting this week cause I’m too sick to care, they are all still alive and well fed, me, I’m not so sure, I’ve had one pancake in 3 days!
But looking through the gallery and seeing all the awesome MM wardrobes has motivated me to get up and try to feel well enough to at least shop online, even if I can’t make the shops just yet. Shopping makes everything better, right?
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I agree sometimes shopping does make everything better! Feel well soon
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OMM: My boyfriend’s dad had his hip replaced on Monday so he has been at his hometown to support him for the last four days and I’m missing him terribly! I always swore I wouldn’t be one of those girls who sooked when their boyfriend went away for a day or two (and we’ve certainly done longer stretches than this!) but I find I miss him much more now we live together. I lived by myself for two and a half years until we moved in together eighteen months ago and I loved it but I’m surprised to find I don’t really like it all that much anymore! And cooking for myself seems like too much of a bother now even though I did it for years!
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OMM: One more weeks until I finally get some ‘me time’ for a few hours and catch up with some workmates over lunch. It has been six months since I left work on maternity leave, can’t wait to catch up with them. There might even be time to do some shopping for myself in the city!
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