Is there a right time to leave home?
Why does everyone care so much where the twenty-somethings live?
A couple of years ago, I wrote a post for Mamamia – my first piece for Mamamia – about why I lived at home. I was 23 at the time, fresh out of uni, and – in hindsight – terribly naïve.
Looking back now, I realise I probably shouldn’t have listed expensive cheeses and fancy shower gels as reasons to stay at home. Ditto those laundry facilities I was so very fond of. Those comments did not make me any friends. The post had me jumping for joy one minute and crying on the phone to my friends the next. Even now I’m still trying to work out what made people so angry.
Anyway… It was probably ironic that only a week after I wrote that piece, I was offered a job that would see me moving out of home or facing one heck of a commute. So I packed up (Mum’s) toaster and entered into the share house life – a life so many commenters had pleaded with me not to let pass by.
Today, I’m still living out of home, and I want to broach that original subject again. Because in the two years since I wrote the original post the conversation hasn’t gone away and if anything, the debate on how long people should stay in the family home is feistier than ever.
And as my friends start to drift from the mid-twenty age bracket towards the ‘holy shit I’m pretty much 30’ cohort, living at home is becoming less and less socially acceptable. At the age of 21 it was normal, at 25 it was justifiable, but at any age thereafter living at home is just an awkward conversation.
When do you think young people should leave home? Is it when they finish high school? When they finish uni? When they’ve landed their first full time job and are ready to enter the serious adult world? And if they do leave home, is it okay to come back and forth in the interest of ‘saving’.
It’s a conversation that’s all too familiar within my circle of friends, most of whom have been coming and going from the family home (or should we call it “home base?”) for years.
On one hand there’s my 22-year-old friend who has her feet firmly planted in the family home. “My parents want me there, I want me there, our house is in a great location and it’s a heck of a lot cheaper than renting in Sydney,” she says. “Yes, I enjoy the organic food in the pantry and chatting to my mum when I get home. But beyond all that – my parents would be offended if I moved out just for the sake of moving out.”
Then there’s another 26-year-old friend who’s recently made the move from the family home she shared with her mum, dad and a little brother to a share house with three roommates she met on the internet. She’s more about moving out for the experience. “The experience of being young and living in a share house is one that I would have been sad to miss out on. I like the freedom of doing what I want and growing vegetables in egg cartons on the front porch – can you imagine what my mother would say if I did that in her immaculate garden?”
“It’s just the Australian way,” says another 25-year-old American friend, who just moved back to the states after 10 years in Australia. “People look at me extremely weird when I tell them I lived at home until I moved here. Here they move out of home from college on, but their parents still very much support them.”
I’m still trying to decide where I stand on the issue – or whether it needs to be an issue at all. I see both sides of the argument now; I know what it’s like to forget neglect to do laundry and run out of clean underwear. I’ve found myself staring simultaneously turning off all the lights in the house while staring at an electricity bill a week before pay day. Am I better for it? I’ll put down on my list of ‘life experiences’ alongside the travel and internships and uni degrees I was able to do because I lived at home until I was 23. Yes, I said that.
So moving out of home. Good move? Bad Move? Necessary move?
I think it’s my 22-year-old friend who sums it up the best: “Living at home is the best possible living arrangement for my circumstances and that’s what I think is the most important at the end of the day – doing what’s best for you and being happy and safe, wherever you are.”
Why then do people get so shitty?
At what point do you think kids should up and leave the family house? When did you move out of home? Was it your decision – or your parents?
Comments
371 Comments so far
I have three kids – 14, 12 and 3 – two girls and a boy. We have a big house and we would love the kids to stay as long as possible. For so many reasons. Help them get through uni, save some money, travel the world etc. there will never be pressure from us to move out.
Mind you I won’t be doing their washing or cleaning when they get older. That will be up them!
But if they want to move out and experience the ‘real world’ of bills and food shopping or go to uni in another city then we’ll fully support that too.
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I moved to a different city at 18, and about 90% had to pay my own way for things (My parents paid car insurance, and bought me a bomb to get around in, bless them, but that was it). For the first 6 months I was in a share house along with my older brother (which was a great transition) but then I shared in different places and am currently doing so now.
I think the thing that always bothered me compared to the friends that lived at home was their whinging about having no money. And the couple of narky comments I got from them.
We went to the races once, and one friend (who lived at home, worked full time and had a car loan and bought lots of clothes and stuff) asked me why I always wore the same pair of high heels? Well der… I studied full time and had to pay rent and I wasn’t going to spare the cash for something useless like that.
And then another time when we went travelling to the Splendour festival, and one friend was all, why are you buying cheap bakery food to eat, instead of buying food at the festival? Because some of us have to pay rent and this trip was expensive! Sheesh!
I’m not bothered if people do live at home by their mid-twenties, but
this “I can’t afford to live out of home” excuse is rubbish. You can afford it, but you’re too spoilt to give up your expensive lifestyle. If you say you live at home because you want to save money and you don’t feel guilty that your parents are still providing for you, instead of say, enjoying their independence, then go for it. Yes, that was judgey, but I guess I feel a lot of people are lazy, and perhaps not too considerate of their parents needs.
I mean, my mum would have me back home in a second, but she also has remarked how much money she’d been saving since I got my backside out of the place. And I don’t want to limit their holidays and spending money just because I’m the one who wants to travel overseas and have that spending money. Someone has to pay, and my parents deserve a break.
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Yep. Just yep to everything. Our experiences are pretty much exactly the same!
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Absolutely agree. I left at 18 and it was hard but at least I was standing on my own feet. My eldest is 20 and needs to quit mooching off us and start taking some responsibility for himself out in the big bad world.
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My thoughts exactly. I normally hate Gen Y generalisations but a lot of us really do want to start out where our parents are now. I think once you get a full time job, spend a little while saving and then move out. It’s a life experience! I moved out from my mums house when I was 20 and into a granny flat with my partner at his mums house. We spent a year finishing our degrees then a year working and saving then bought our house. It take about 50 minutes on a bus to get to work but we got a nice big block. We bought an older house so we didn’t have a monster mortgage (though compared to my mms $60k one in the early 90s its still big!) And we spent some money renovating it. I often sit in our living room and think how can people my age who are working live at home? I love being independent and having my own space. And I don’t have a bad relationship with my parents, I see them at least once a week, I just think by mid twenties its time to move on and out!
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Agree agree agree!!!
I have to admit that part of my hating on people who still live at home is bewilderment (and, yes, sometimes jealousy) at their “having no money”. There’s nothing more annoying than dealing with an overdue electricity bill, rates, groceries, insurance and rego all in the one month — and then hearing a work friend complain about “having no money” to take on their trip to the Gold Coast.
And, sorry, but a large part of me thinks “why should your parents have to subsidise your lifestyle?”. Every dollar your parents spend in providing you with electricity, food, foxtel, internet, etc is a dollar they are NOT spending on themselves. Why should they be deprived of overseas trips and restaurant dinners to support your 25 year old ass? I don’t buy the “they want me there” argument either. Unless they have severe attachment issues or a chronic need to be depended upon, then no, I don’t buy that they want you there. They want to see you be a flourishing independent adult – which sometimes includes a stint on struggle street!
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I’m 21 and I’d love to move out with my long term boyfriend, but we’d prefer to stay at home as long as we’re able and save for a house in the meantime. If we moved out now it would be so difficult to save.
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I craved to move out at 22 after having been at uni for a few months and living with my then boyfriend at my parents’ house for about five years. We bought an appartment in the city that we could afford on our student incomes (Copenhagen, late 90′s). Everyone was fine with either arrangement.
I dont think you can put an age onto when is a good time to move out. It has to do with maturity, finance and other circumstances too.
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I left initially at 22 & moved into a sharehouse with 2 friends but had been paying Mum board since I finished high school. Was there for 14 months before moving interstate for a new job and was there for 20 months. For a number of reasons it didn’t work out for me interstate and so now, at 25 I am now unemployed and living back with Mum. I am not paying any board until I get a job (which will hopefully be very soon!!) but am doing the majority of shopping, cooking and cleaning.
Mum has said that I am welcome to stay here as long as I want/need to but hopefully I will not be here for much longer than a year- not that I don’t like living with her, but we are so similar that we drive each other a little crazy sometimes and so I will be getting my own place (renting, pretty much given up on ever owning a home!!) as soon as I am back on my feet & have figured out what I am doing with my life.
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I am a 26 year old lawyer who lives at home with her parents. Working for a major law firm I clearly earn enough to live out of home but I choose not to for several reasons. 1. My parents are horrified at the idea of me paying off someone else’s mortgage. Rightly or wrongly these feelings have been passed on to me and I just don’t see why I should pay exorbitant rent to live in a shoebox apartment. 2. I don’t like other people’s mess. I have grown up in an extremely clean and tidy home; the sort of home where as soon as you have eaten something you wash the dishes. The thought of leaving dishes in the sink overnight or for days or even leaving dishes around the house disgusts me. The thought of not cleaning your house weekly disgusts me. Living in a share house I would be required to do these things; and although I could afford to live on my own I would be paying someone else’s mortgage. 3. I love my parents and family. I come from a Croatian background and it is very common to have four generations living in the one home. My father’s family has my grandmother, my uncle, his sons and their wives and their children all living on the one property. Maybe to Anglos who commonly tell their kids to get out at 18 or pay “board” this is strange. To me forcing your children to move out with strangers or pay you money to live with your own family is weird. 4. I will not live with my boyfriend until we are married. He is English and unlike many other Anglos he loves the fact that I have decent family values and have spent my twenties working hard and when we marry I will then live in his home. I believe this is respectful of myself, of him and my family
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I actually don’t think it’s common for ‘Anglos” to “tell their their kids to get out at 18″. Often people leave home at that age to attend university in another city or to experience the freedom of living with friends.
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‘Maybe to Anglos….”
ummm a bt of a generalisation don’t you think? I guess I am an “Anglo” or a “skip” or whatever, I lived at home until I was 28. So did my then boyfriend-now husband. We were saving a s**tload of cash & bought a house, close to the city – Sydney that is.
My parents, nor many of my “anglo” friends parents would ever expect their children to move out before they were ready/financially able to. BTW we also didn’t live together before we were married at (28) I really think race is irrelevant to having decent family values or not.
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Yeah, it’s often not about asking to pay to live with your family but teaching your kids about responsibly and managing money – chipping in so to speak. Don’t get me wrong I’m not having a go at what your situation is, and there probably are people out there that are just asking for board so their kids move out, but that’s definitely not the case for most.
It’s been common for generations for people to help pay the household expenses when they started working – so while it’s called ‘board’ and paid from child to parent, it’s really more about helping the household out now that you are earning money as well.
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Why shouldn’t you pay board? It costs your family to keep you there. If you’re underage you’re their responsibility but if you’re earning then you should contribute.
We ‘Anglos’ might seem odd to you but making a contribution shows you’re a grown up. It’s also respectful, believe it or not. Do you contribute in any significant way or do you just get the occasional grocery shop?
You not see why you should have to pay exorbitant rent, well neither do the rest of us, sweetie but that’s the real world for you.
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“It costs your family to keep you there” – I’m sick of this excuse – seriously, I am sure you are aware when you have children it will “cost” you. Asking your children to pay board is just awful. And I don’t think it teaches you anything about the “real world” apart from that it’s a cruel place where parents will try to make money off of their children. I’m pretty sure most people have other bills that can teach them to be a “grown up” – mobile phone, rego, insurance, etc.
On another note, I am from a European background and have always assumed that the reason why so many of my “anglo” friends don’t end up buying their own property until their mid 30′s has something to do with paying off someone else’s mortgage for most of their 20′s (probably one of my friends, lol). I know it seems like a generalisation, but this is my experience.
I know I will want to help my children out as much as possible, they have the rest of their lives to face potential hardship and struggle. Why not protect them from this a little while longer, and give them the best start into adulthood?
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Finally left work! Thank you…My sister and I own an apartment together in a much “nicer” suburb than the one we live in. Our tenant is a female mid-30s surgeon who was referred through a friend of a friend. And yes she is Australian. Mid-30s and paying off an apartment owned by a 26 and 23 year old; paid for out of our savings from working a minimum of two days a week from the ages of 15 whilst studying and getting into law and medicine respectively. Only by living at home with our parents have we been able to do this. My parents are proud of us and my mum and dad will tell anyone who will listen that if the two girls who arrived in Australia not speaking a word of English and who went to a school riddled with gangs can do all this then anyone can. If you can afford to help your children do it, but in return I would expect that they dedicate themselves to study (or working very hard if they are not academically inclined) so that they can build a future for themselves. I have not had a “free ride” at home my parents have a strong work ethic and zero tolerance for laziness such that if we got so much as 99% on a school test the response was always “where is the other 1%”; it’s not nasty or “tiger parenting” because the truth is both of us girls thought the same thing!! We were always expected to clean the house from the age of 12 and frequently cook dinner and help my mother in looking after my father. I will do the same for my husband (he says he’s a lucky man; most of the women he knows would be horrified by everything us three girls do for my dad) and my children.
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I can’t have children, guest1. Guess we’ll never know if you’re right, will we?
And asking children to contribute may be awful to you but boo hoo, guess what? It ousts money to keep adults. Why should parents spend all their savings when their adult children can chip in as well? When do you stop being a child and stand on your own two feet, or at least just hold onto one of your parents hands instead of sitting in your pram?
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Yeah but the whole point is, should having children cost your for the rest of your life? Paying rego and a mobile phone bill is not taking responsibility. What about mortgage/rent, council rates, water rates, electricity, landline telephone, groceries, house and contents insurance, general maintenance and repairs to the house etc etc.
I am sorry, but this person is a qualified lawyer and probably making as much money as her parents. Not contributing to the household is purely selfish and wrong and I stand by that opinion. What is she going to do, wait until she is 45 and has enough to buy her own house? Rent is a fact of life in this day and age, and people need to get used to it instead of being parasites on their parents backsides. Welcome to reality as far I’m concerned.
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Rent is a fact of life? Really? For many European and Asian families it isn’t…- a ‘fact of life’ is 3 or more generations living together and looking after each other. Stop imposing your views on others and judging them.
If you’re so in favor of people having their own space, does that mean the minute your parents require help and care in old age you’ll send them to
nursing home, rather than care for them in your own
home??? Children may well cost you for the rest of your life, but one day parents will cost you too. It’s not a bloody profit and loss statement, it’s your family.
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I agree, before I read this post I wrote one myself. I do not think it teaches you anything about the real world. I am from an Italian background and my parents would never ask me or my brother who still lives at home and earns good money for any money. It may be because my dad owns his own business and does well for himself or maybe it is because they do not want to take money from their kids to help their financial situation by worsening ours. My boyfriend is English/Australian and I hate his parents mentality when it comes to money. My boyfriend earns more money than his father, and he pays them money. Maybe thats fair because he earns more money, but maybe his mum should work instead of relying on one income and their sons board. His mum is in perfectly fine condition to work she is purely lazy.
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What? His mum should work so that the son can pay less to live at home?
You’re just being deliberately provocative now, aren’t you? Not to mention just a teensy bit racist.
I think you’re trolling. And if you’re not, you need to grow up.
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You are just plain rude, you are not understanding my points. I said its fair because he earns more money than his father, but if their struggling financially surely his mother should work. My boyfriend agrees, so I don’t even know why I am even giving you the attention by replying. I said I hate “his” parents mentality, how is that racist. Maybe stop jumping the gun and read other peoples comments on here.
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It is up to your boyfriends parents who, in that partnership, works or how the income is earned. Why should his mother work? If your boyfriend moved out and lived on his own, it would be reasonable for them to rent a room out to someone, like a student for example in order to supplement their income, yes? So why is your boyfriend different?
You really need to do some growing up I think.
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Twice you have mentioned your Italian heritage. Why did you make a reference to your boyfriend being Anglo Australian? What’s that got to do with it?
If your boyfriend doesn’t want to pay money to ‘keep his mum from working’ he should move out.
Quite why you think his mother should go to work to save your boyfriend some cash is beyond me. Perhaps his mother stayed at home to bring up her children. Are you really suggesting that she should now go to work because he has to pay housekeeping?
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Those poor parents – who’s business is it whether they work or not? People should chill out and focus on more important things I think…
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I’m from an Italian background too and my family is not like this so it isn’t an Italian vs English/Australian thing.Your comment annoys me because to be honest you sound like a spoilt brat! “they do not want to take money from their kids to help their financial situation by worsening ours” You make it sound like you will be severely financially disadvantaged by contributing despite working full time in well paying jobs and being fully supported by your parents!
Did you not mention your boyfriend is 25? Why should he not contribute when he is working full time and still living at home? Not to mention that he earns a higher income than his father! I cannot believe you would suggest the mother should work instead of her 25 year old son contributing financially!! And I can’t believe your boyfriend would agree! He sounds spoilt and disrespectful too!
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Many thanks for your comments. I respect that you each have separate opinions and think that the world is more interesting for different views. I do know that not all “Anglos” force their children to move out of home but a lot of the people I went to school with did. I will admit that it was more common amongst my fellow university students for the Aussies to live at home. All of my friends are either European or Asian and none of them are required to pay board either. Each come from very working class homes (like myself) with parents who often fled war torn countries to make a better life for their children. My father often says “I grew up in a four wall stone room with five brothers and sisters. You and your sister have a better life in Australia and your children will have a better life than you.” In addition to helping me and my sister out he commonly sends money to his family in Croatia; are they also freeloaders sponging off his hard work? I think not. He loves his daughters and his wife (which is why he insists she does not work anymore after spending years working on her parents’ farm in Croatia) and would be horrified if I suggested moving out. He would take it as a personal insult that he was a terrible father causing me to want to run away. I would be lonely without them at home and have my boyfriend’s agreement that once we have children we will move to the same suburb so that I can see them every day. Sorry for the ramble but I have been at work since 6.30am and still have plenty to do – I hope you all have a wonderful evening but I must get off the internet before my partner catches me doing non-billable work.
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Melly thats what I dont understand and in all sincerity would love to hear your thoughts. We have friends from uni who also came from European working class, lower socio economic backgrounds. And through hard work and education they have established successful careers for themselves. But they all buy homes and settle in the same area they grew up in, when they can afford to live in much nicer areas. I dont understand how people can choose to live in an area where the local schools are classified as underpriveleged and have trouble attracting staff when they can afford not to, just because their family are living there. Dont you think that this is disadvantaging your children’s future? I find it really sad talking to one our friends teenage sons, he says when he goes out and meets new people and tells them where he lives (a stigmatised area of Sydney) people do judge him and look down on him. His parents are very successful but their desire to stay near the family is impacting on and restricting their childrens opportunities. To me the benefit of education is being able to strive for bigger and better for our children, not living the same way as our ancestors did when there was no choice.
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‘My parents are horrified at the idea of me paying off someone else’s mortgage’
This is so bizarre to me. A huge amount of people rent at some stage in their life. It’s not horrifying at all. It’s part of growing up and experiencing stuff.
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As someone from a Balkan background, I’m utterly embarrassed by you referring to people as “Anglos”, not to mention the sweeping generalisations you attached to this group.
And as someone who is also a lawyer, I honestly don’t understand why you are still living at home on a salary from a “top firm”. Please stop justifying it on your ethnic background because your generalisation in that respect also does not apply (plus, why do you regard rent as wasted money but not interest payments to the bank?). Judging from all of your comments in this thread, I think it’s clear you just personally hold some pretty archaic views. Good luck balancing that legal career of yours (“before my partner catches me doing non-billable work”…? Cringe) with all the cooking and cleaning and waiting on the male provider that you so proudly describe below.
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That’s a great point you make but I view my stint in the top tier as something not to be contined past the age of 30. I’ll move in house and work 9-5. Although the earning range is only $150-$250k that will be more than enough combined with my boyfriend’s far larger income. Maybe you are lucky enough to come from more modern Croatian parents but my extended family is the sort that considers a daughter a burden and prays for sons. I am lucky in that my father loves us very much and always encouraged us at school but he did and does expect that we will look after our men which I gladly do
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Only $150-250? Now you’re just taking the piss.
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Oh wow. MellyB, you really don’t have much of a grasp on the real world do you? I am 32, I work in the arts and earn $52K a year. It’s highly unlikely I will ever more than around $75K in my chosen profession, which I love with a passion.
I worked all through uni and paid board to my parents – they came up with a system whereby we all paid $10 per 8 hours we worked (so $50 for a 40-hour week) which I found fair, reasonable and a great preparation for the real world. I moved out when I got my first full-time job at 21, I was earning $30K a year and living in a teeny flat – but you know what? It was mine, I was independent, and I loved it.
Sadly I don’t have a boyfriend earning a ‘far larger income’ – mine also works in the non-profit sector. We both love what we do, we live in a great little townhouse in a beachside suburb, we scrimp and save and budget and I couldn’t be happier.
MellyB, good luck to you on your heavily reduced income of $250K!!!!!!!! Gosh, life’s tough!!!
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Hahahaha love it
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MellyB, I come from the same kind of a family as you do (and same part of the world), trust me there is nothing modern about my family, however I can’t relate to your comments at all. You sound as though you have been completely brainwashed by your parents whose opinions are so incredibly outdated. I’ve outgrown them years ago, as have a lot of my ethnic friends and I am surpirsed that you can be highly educated and intelligent and still so easily brainwashed. It’s such a contradiction.
So your parents tell you they would be horrified if you had to “pay off someone else’s mortgage” (God, I am sick of hearing this phrase from Europeans) and you just take that as gospel. As many others have pointed out, most people have to pay rent at some point, that’s just real life, but some of your comments suggest that you don’t exactly live in the real world, at least not on my planet, e.g. earning *only* $150-250K?! You’ve got be joking!
Guys, please don’t think that all people from Balkan backgrounds are like this, I can assure you we are not, I for one, am very embarrassed by some of the comments here and would never think and behave like this.
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I forgot to mention, I work in medical research and earn just over $50,000 and somehow I still manage to “pay someone else’s mortgage” in Melbourne CBD, have everything I need and go on holidays almost every year. Oh, and I don’t have a rich boyfriend, just sensible and smart with money.
God, I can’t imagine how tough it will be for you when your salary is reduced to a measly $250K, how will you survive?
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I call TROLL on good old MellyB, too much of what she/he has written is stereotypical troll, designed to provoke outrage. Don’t take the bait.
From personal experience, I also highly doubt that someone from such a traditional, conservative background would be boasting about their career/wages on a public forum, you just don’t talk about these things outside of the family. Yes, just your common, garden variety TROLL.
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Firstly, MellyB, you might want to reconsider putting the word ‘only’ in front of $150,000 when you’re talking about pay. I’m sure you worked very hard for your law degree but ‘only’ doesn’t come in to it with your wage.
Secondly, you know it’s the 21st century, right? You get to make choices. You choose to accept your current situation. You may have migrant parents but both you live in Australia and you can throw off any cultural shackles that you like here.
Your extended family think you’re a burden because you’re a girl? Big deal. This is Australia. It doesn’t work like that here. Your father expects you to look after a man? That’s your choice.
Quite frankly – and this isn’t just for you, MellyB – I’m a little bit over all the European wailing on here. “Oh, my family are European and they can’t believe the way you Anglo devils take your childrens money for rent.” “It’s awful to charge children (read grown adults, working, earning, eating, drinking, using all household facilities) board.” “I would never rent and pay off someone elses mortgage.” I really like the last one, especially when it follows a statement where the ‘stay at home child’ has bought a unit and rents it out (hey, one girl here even said she rented to an Australian. In Australia!!! Imagine!!!!
Not all people from central Europe are happy to have their offspring at home forever. Not all Anglo Celtics charge their children board and present them with suitcases and a toaster for their 18th birthday.
I really think some of you stay at homes should consider the financial impact on your parents. Presumably they will want to retire at some point. You’re staying at home because you want to save money. They’re still spending the same amount and their earnings are about to go down. Still, you’re not subjected to the horror that is paying someone elses mortgage, so that’s nice.
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“He is English and unlike many other Anglos he loves the fact that I have decent family values and have spent my twenties working hard and when we marry I will then live in his home.”
Is it just me or is this offensive? You think Anglos don’t have decent family values and you found the exception to the rule?
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It’s a touchy issue because really it’s about money. And Money is ALWAYS so touchy.
I moved out of home at age 22. My life, career and really just me, was in the city, and I was stuck 30 k’s out of the city. Since moving my life has improved dramatically. Each to their own, I get why people love the quiet, sleep suburbs, with their own little patch of paradise.. but I love the hustle bustle, activities and facilities of the inner city, not to mention the commute being quartered each day. That was what was right for me. If the folks lived closer to the city I doubt I would have moved.
ANYWAY – my parents pay for 45% (precisely) of my rent. I still do ALL my washing at home (I do it, but use all the parent’s powder etc), I get frozen food to take home regularly, my parents pay for ANY family activity (basically anything I do with another family member), they generally help me out (paying a car excess here, some extra petrol money there). They loaned me some money, interest free, when I got my car so I could get it before I saved the whole amount (that sounds spoilt – but my old car had no airbags and they preferred me in a car with airbags sooner, otherwise I would have just saved the entire amount).
Point being, I live out of home, but get heaps of help and I can’t tell you how many people have a problem with this, and let me know! “I’m an adult I should pay my own car excess, I’m not independent, I don’t know real life..” and the conversation always ends up at how they don’t/didn’t get the same support and how that is better. It always surprises me, because I don’t really see how it is anyones business..? Yes you could call me spoilt, you could say I’m getting handouts, you could say that this may effect my development, my independence, my parents.. you could say anything you like, but it doesn’t mean that you are correct. It’s just an opinion…
I choose not to judge when other people move out and the support their parents give them, because everyone does what is right for them in their own situation.
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Well done. My mother’s parents have frequently helped my parents financially over the years so that bills could be paid or a car could be bought when my dad’s stopped working (as a trade his livelihood depends on it). My parents are in their early fifties and I would not call them dependent. That’s what your parents are supposed to do – help your children when they need it. Why bother being a Scrooge because when you die your kids will get it anyway.
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Yeah, totally. My aunt once said to me that she would never be able to pay back what her parents had given her so she will repay them by doing the same for her kids. I always thought that was a nice sentiment and intend to do the same.
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Believe me, they are just jealous. 9 times out of 10, when it comes down to money, jealousy rears its ugly head.
My husband and I had what I assumed were pretty average salaries (me 60k he 75k). This was certainly average for our group of friends. A few years ago, my husband (works in IT) was promoted and started contracting at a much higher rate. Suddenly, at 27 he was earning $3,500 clear per week. I cannot tell you how many friends we have who have suddenly turned bitter over this. We have never told them what he earns, but we bought better car, a better home in a better suburb and our holidays became more frequent, longer and more expensive. Sometimes it feels like apart from family, no one is happy for us. Friends will ask me what his salary is more times than I care to count, or make snide comments “jokingly” about what we have and how undeserved it is. My husband works extremely hard and frankly I am quite sick of it. Sorry for the rant!
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People suck sometimes don’t they!?
Jealousy ruins everything and I’ve been really disappointed at some friendships that have soured over the last few years due to this. I honestly don’t give a crap about how much my friends earn in relation to me, and if they earn more then good for them!
Congrats on your husband’s promotion! My husband is just starting out in IT and it’s exciting how fast salaries can move when someone is motivated, hard working and creative.
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Thanks! I’m the same, I’ve never cared to compare salaries, as long as the people I care about are happy, the rest is just details.
I have noticed though that the friends who have behaved the worse are sadly my husband’s close friends from uni – they all did the same course together, and often I feel that there’s a little “why him and not me” attitude. Very disappointing.
Definitely down to motivation and hard work, and in my husbands case a lot of creative risk taking!
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I think kids should get up and move out after much discussion from both the parents and the kids. Every situation is totally different! I always expected to move out of home pretty early, as I’ve always been a bit independent. But now that I am 19, I’m thinking I might leave it a year or so. Potentially more, but probably not.
Essentially, it boils down to the fact that I truly and dearly love my parents. While I go off independently, live my own life, I love coming home and having lengthy d &m’s with my parents. I know I’ll have grow up one day, and these talks will have to be phone calls and not face-to-face… But..
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I’m 28 and I live with my parents
I left when I bought my house when I was 19, me and my husband split. I came home. I left again when I was 23 to move out with my fionce, we split when I was 27. I lived by myself in the house with my daughter. I hated living alone. I am quite capable of saving, washing , cooking , cleaning etc .. I just didn’t like it. When my ex’s and mine house sold, I decided to go back to my parents until I figured out what was best for us. My parents love me being here and would love me and their granddaughter to stay. I have just bought a block of land and I am going to build a house of my very own – so I will be at home for another 6 months or so.
But even if I wasn’t, I don’t get what the big deal is. I’m happy here, my parents are happy and my daughter is happy.
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I think that’s all that counts, that you’re all happy. Thanks for sharing
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Every situation is different, uni, partner, rural/city living. For me I lived at home through uni and moved out with my partner when I was 22.
Yes it allows you to save some cash for that first home, new car etc. But I dont think it should be a common fix if you run out of money. We struggled for a few years, but we did it tough, went with out things, we didn’t move back home to mooch off mum & dad – we stood on our own two feet – what growing up is all about!
My only advice is live at home as long as you can, once you move out you can never go back!
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Love your articles Lucy!
I proudly live at home and agree there is too much judgement! I will move out after Uni, or later who cares?! Everyone has a different situation.
The reality for me is that after my parents got divorced during my first year of Uni, I now have two homes with a mum and dad who I love and want to spend time with. They have encouraged me to study overseas and I have done so, and honestly I prefer dealing with parental problems rather than share house problems. At least when you’re related you know that you will always get over a petty fight without threatening the whole living situation.
Now that my sister has moved interstate for Uni it would just be a waste of time for me to move out, I would be at either parents or with friends every night of the week. They would be pretty offended if I said I would rather be home alone than see them a couple of times week which is hard enough at the moment! I think the only thing that will change this for me is if I move overseas for work or have my own family. Until then I will save up and buy a house to become financially independent in the long term.
To all the judgers of us parental dwellers, no one else has done my washing since I was 16, I can be home for tradesmen (try getting anyone to come outside of 9-5 my parents both work 7-7), and I love my family, so why should we all be alone? I can see its different if your parents actually like each other or you have younger siblings who stop you from having friends over however often or late you want, but for me this works.
Also, it is a relatively recent phenomenon that children move out and create their financial independence from scratch, basically only since post world war 2. If more people used the housing stock we do have more efficiently by living with their family maybe the house prices wouldn’t be quite so high! It is basically a western ideal that we all live alone or just with a nuclear family. And all it has created is a lot of loneliness.
So embrace the love people! And show your parents your appreciation by cooking for them once in a while, even if you have moved out….they love the role reversal!
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Thanks ClaireSophie!
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“it is a relatively recent phenomenon that children move out and create their financial independence from scratch, basically only since post world war 2. ”
I’m not so sure about that, because (as far as I know) that has been what happened in my own family for probably at least the past 100 years or so. Maybe the difference is that people were marrying younger, and moving out to start their own household when they married.
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I’m 25, live at home and have no real need to move out. I get along with my parents, my grandma has just moved in with us from Chile, I pull my weight around the house and my parents want me there as well.
I’ll probably still be living at home until I can afford to buy a place with my partner. I have friends who moved out once they hit 18 and whilst they’ve certainly gained experience from living out of home, frankly they will probably never be able to afford their own place. It may not be something they want, but for me, I want to be able to own my own house in the future. And although I want to be at home, it’s one of the reason for it.
Again, I don’t see what the deal is. If everyone is happy with the situation, why is it an issue for others who aren’t involved at all?
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I moved out of home at 19 and I think I gained a lot from it. I think it was the making of me as an adult when I went overseas for four years (aged 22-26) and my husband and I (and our children) found ourselves away from being accountable to anyone but ourselves.
However, I would never judge anyone for living at home. For all my independence I still had to borrow money off my parents for my house deposit, and I’m sure I’m not the only one!
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I moved out of home when I was 26 and only once I was married! I think if I wasn’t going to get married, I would have moved out at the same age anyway. Up until 26, I was in a lousy paying job and i don’t think I could have afforded to move out of home! I was at uni until 24 and then went travelling straight after that. So any (minimal) money i had saved while at uni was spent on travelling.
I think living at home after 30 is probably a bit strange… but most of my friends who are still single and in their early 30′s are still living at home so maybe it’s not so weird?!
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I moved out of home at eighteen to attend university in a city an hour away from my regional town.
It proved too difficult in terms of money (my parents helped with my rent but I got no government assistance and was studying full-time and working tons to try and cover my living costs) so I ended up moving home and commuting for the last two years of my degree. I moved out again just after I turned 23 and lived alone for two and a half years until I moved in with my boyfriend of 18 months at 25.
I loved living by myself and I was definitely ready to get some independence, even though I get along very well with my parents. I haven’t lived at home for nearly four years but I do miss seeing them on a regular basis.
I think if you’re above 26-27 and still living at home, it’s probably time to get a move on but to each their own I guess.
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21 now and facing another 2-4 years of study (depending on honours in my law/arts degrees). I’m not sure how I feel about being 25 when I finish uni!!
I cannot afford to move out until I finish uni, I simply cannot work enough hours a week on top of my study. My parents are 100% supportive (told me not to be silly and not to worry about living at home longer while I do honours) but have told me there’s roughly a 1-year window between graduating and moving out where I can enjoy their (monetary) support while I save for the move.
My bro stayed home for about 6 months after finishing uni and in that time he organised house sharing etc. It worked perfectly, with just enough leeway to get him off the ground in full time work.
I think support your kid till they’re working full time and can support themselves, and if that means 25 so be it.
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once you’re 22 you are considered independent from your parents – in the eyes of centrelink – so you can get centrelink study allowances and take the pressure off needing to work so much (and you can get it when you live at home with your parents from 22 as well this means)
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I’m 23 and have just moved back home. I graduated from uni in Brisbane last year and lived out of home during those four years- which I loved!
I’ve moved backto an industrial boom town in Central Queensland to take a career opportunity…where it is super hard to find decent accommodation for rent that isn’t something like $400 a week!
So I refuse to apologise to anyone who thinks there is a problem with me coming back home at the age of 23. My parent’s home will alway be my home and they’ve always made that clear….I have my own space away from my parents and pitch in and pay board and food money and all of my other personal bills.
So no, I don’t think there is anything wrong with living at home during your 20′s.
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Completely agree (i’m in a similar boat), it’s all circumstance, as long as you’re not just taking a free ride! It’s harder than ever to move now since education stretches into the 20′s, you have a $40,000 HECS debt when you finish and rent/buying a house is so expensive now! Nothing wrong with being home in your 20′s as long as you contribute
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I moved out when I was 24 as I studied for 6 years at uni. I was ‘forced’ to live independantly because the job I desperately wanted straight out of uni was interstate, so I moved into share housing. It was by far the best thing I ever did! I feel for people that go straight from home to being married or owning a property and living by themselves and they never got to experience share housing! Sure, there are crap things about share housing, but there are great fun things about it too!
I’ve now been living of home for 8 years and bought a place with my husband 3 years ago. he moved out when he was 15 (boarding school, college and then share housing) and he is good to live with because he has been independant for so long! We got all that shared housing living out of us before we moved in together and I know it’s made us better people for it and better room mates. Don’t get me wrong, I still have to nag my husband to do chores!
Moving out of home before settling down might not be for everyone, but I’ve never heard any complaints from all my friends and I that did it! Saving for a house isn’t everythihg, having great experiences and fun has to count for something!
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I moved out of home when I was 20 as I transferred to a uni that wasn’t close to my parents home. I’m now 30 and have never moved back to my parents other than a few weeks either side of moving to another country. It was tough in the student days and also in the days living overseas but I managed it by myself. Now though, when I look at my house savings, I’m a long way off what I need. However, all those people I know who lived at home during their twenties have been able to buy homes and it does seem a little unfair. It’s fine for a full time student to live at home but once you’re earning a full time wage, let poor mum and dad enjoy their time and money to themselves!
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I do judge people who live at home past their student days (judge them in my head, I would never say anything to them)
I consider them (in general) to be coddled and immature compared to people who can stand on their own two feet
But, if you come from the Eastern Suburbs, like I do, then you would also know a lot of people in their 20′s who are living away from their parents, but still on their parents dime! Actually – maybe even people in their 30′s.
Their parents give them a property to live in, or have all their bills covered, or buy them a car…etc. etc. I mean, you wouldn’t want to say no, but….
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there are plenty of people much older living off their parents trust funds, believe me!
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I first moved out of home at 18 and moved back when I was 20 after suffering an illness.My parents are wonderful but once my now husband got serious about each other (five months into our relationship) we moved into a place together.I was 21 at this stage. Haven’t ever moved back in with my parents and certainly wouldn’t want to with 3 kids in tow!!
I like my own space and I think our parents enjoy it once we move out!
I could never imagine living in a ‘Packed to the rafters’ situation…I wouldn’t like my parents being around if hubby and I were having a domestic or having sex in the next room…
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I would hesitate to name the exact age where it becomes inappropriate… but if you’re on the downhill slope to 40 and you’ve NEVER moved out, I see that as a bit of a codependency issue (excluding – of course – people who are caregivers for their parents).
On the other hand I do not want my children to feel like they want to get out of home at the first opportunity like I did – at 17 I ran away to university in a different city just to get out of home! Comforts of home? Pffft. I wanted independence!!! I know I will be devastated (as my lovely Mum was) if this happens to me with my children! Stay! Need me! Love me!
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On a slightly related note: I have never once ASKED my parents for money for any reason since I moved out. Of course they have offered me help from time to time e.g. my Dad wanted to give me a little bit of money to help us buy a house, but I have never got myself into a situation where I have no money, no income and no way to support myself. I would like to teach that skill to my children too as there is a person in my in-law family who is still mooching off their parents in their 30s and I think it’s despicable. How does one teach this skill!?!?
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Teach them to manage small amounts of money, like pocket money? Make it clear that that when it’s gone for this week/month that’s it.
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Hi Mooner,
There are heaps of ideas over the internet on how to teach children financial management.
One I like is requiring children to pay 50% of any birthday gifts for friends from their pocket money. Your child helps choose the gift, and therefore gets an understanding of value for money, the joy of giving and many more skills. This also works well for a gift under the Christmas charity wishing tree.
One that my parents did for me which I will copy, was keep a running tally of my pocket money in mum’s purse. When I asked for something, we would look at how much I had on the tally, and then I could decide whether the expense was worth it. Pocket money means much more when its a fluctuating number, not just a pile of coins in a piggy bank (and in my case, meant that I never spent beyond my means as I got older….except the dreaded mortgage).
The younger you start good money habits, the easier it will be.
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My parents and family are fantastic, but I couldn’t wait to move out of home! I moved out when I was 19 and had a full-time job, mostly because I wanted my privacy and to be an adult.
When I did eventually go back to uni full time, I worked to afford rent etc.
I was able to afford my first property because I saved and worked hard for it as well.
How do people in their early 20s still living at home go with bringing home non-serious dates or having any kind of intimate life? My parents would not have been particularly cool with that.
But each to their own.
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Very lovely freinds who have spare bedrooms
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I think there are several factors why people think young people should have moved out of home by their early twenties. One, I think we are becoming Americanized, there, most people are forced to move out when they go to college as so many move interstate to further their education. That just isn’t the case here. Yes, people have to move to attend universities but so many people live within an hour of their chosen place to study.
Two, I think because our lifestyles are changing, 30 years ago, most people were married by their mid twenties, most much earlier. So it was a natural progression then to move out with their new wife or husband, especially once they started to have kids.
For me personally, I cannot see anything wrong eith wanting to stay at home. I’m 28 and live at home with my mother and my brother and sister. My sister and I work and I also study at university. My brother is unable to work as he is disabled.
My sister and I pitch in for groceries and bills, along with our mother. I cook dinner most nights and we usually all do the groceries together and take turns at footing the bill. My sister and I can also help look after my brother who requires full time care.
It would be pointless for us to move out because if I moved out, I would be moving only a suburb or two away because of uni and work. My sister and I would want to live together because we are very close, so moving out and paying rent and other utilities would be silly.
I think it’s whatever works for you and your family. There is always someone who wants to put their nose into your own business.
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I’m 22 and I live in Canberra with my parents
Would I like to move out of home?
God yes. Your parents are never going to recognise you as a responsible adult- you are always their child. As much as I love my parents I sometimes find it extremely difficult to have my own space within the family home; the only place that is kind of off limits is my 5x5m bedroom
Can I move out of home?
Yes and no. Rent in Canberra is anywhere from around $200 for the most basic share house, $400 for an apartment. As I am a local I cannot get on-campus accomodation at uni. And you are competing in a rental market that includes well payed public servants, who have enough money to pay for rent without having to take any casual job they can find to feed themselves. I was having a conversation with a guy this morning who said that his job was severely impacting his studies and the he wished he could quit, but he needed the money
After I finished year 12 I saved up the money and went on my gap year, however I was always going to come back and study in Canberra. I am living at home because when I move out I want it to be into a house that I own, not that I rent. I disagree with the people who say that the only way to get ‘life experience’ is to live in a share house. I’m sure it is a great experience, but for me the experience of owning my own home is far more important than learning 101 different ways to cook lentils
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$200 for a room in a Canberra sharehouse? Nonsense ! There are plenty for much less than that
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It was on the news yesterday that there are only 20 houses in Canberra which people earning the minimum wage can rent!
I go to ANU and it is a lot cheaper for me to live on campus and ride my bike, than live in a share house miles away and drive a car!
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What irritates me is the smugness and sense of entitlement that some people who still live with their parents have. I left home at 18 to attend university in the city and I can’t imagine living with my folks ever again. I was chronically poor but gee I became self sufficient, learnt to live on little money and had a lot of fun!
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Wow, people are STILL paying $80 a week board? I was paying that in 2000 to 2003. 12 years later and still the same amount? lol
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Lol, I know how much a teenager eats, that $80 isn’t going far.
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I’m all for living at home. I decided early on that i would stay at home until i owned my own home, definitely no renting for me. At 23 i got married and had saved enough for a beautiful wedding. before that i saved enough to backpack around the globe for 5 months. My husband and i bought a townhouse, rented it out and moved back in with the parentals and now we have saved enough to build our dream home. i could never have done any of this without my parents help and them letting my husband and i live at home with them until i was 26
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Wow, that’s incredibly generous and selfless of your parents. I hope you appreciate that what you have is largely because of them! Dream home, beautiful wedding, overseas travel…
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Hang on. You’re married, you bought a townhouse but you don’t live in it because you’re living with your parents so that you can save money to build another house. What are you doing, playing Monopoly?
Are you now going to move into your townhouse or are you going to stay with your parents until your house is built?
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I moved out of home last year (age 22) with my longterm boyfriend because his family was downsizing their house and there would no longer be room for him.
We found an apartment to rent and we both love living out of home, together. It was supposed to be a one-year stint but now we would both like to stay living out of home because we have experienced independence and don’t want to go back.
That said, I am in a very privileged situation whereby my parents help me out financially. I could fend for myself – barely – by working while I study for my law degree but my parents would rather that I don’t work as often as I would have to in order to survive out of home without their help because they don’t want it to hinder my marks… so they help. If not for their help, living out of home as a student would be very hard.
I am glad that we made the step but I also acknowledge how lucky I am. Being judgmental about other people’s living situations is terrible – with the housing market the way it is, young people need to make sacrifices in order to save a deposit to buy a house to guarantee their financial security. Some people work really, really hard; others (especially here in WA) work in the mines, away from their families; others save money while they live with their parents; some choose to rent long-term; etc etc. When it comes down to it, it is their decision, and nobody else’s business.
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Please, for the love of God, start reading articles before you post them, mamamia writers. There have been so many careless errors that could have been fixed had the article even been glanced at before being published.
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I’m confused (and extremely sleep deprived) but your 25 year old American friend lived out in Aus for 10 years, so moved out of home at 15? is that right? Are people weirded out because he moved out of home at 15? or weirded out because of another reason?
please excuse me if I’m just tired out of my brain, but can someone please explain?
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Maybe they lived here with their parents from that age, but having American parents they are aware of the differences
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Maybe I didn’t explain that well enough. She moved here with her parents 10 years ago and has lived with them since. Now she’s gone back to the US and is living independently.
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The main reason everyone seems to give for staying at home is to save for their own place. In my experience, those who move out while at uni are all far more financially successful than those who didn’t.
My guess is that living on your own and struggling financially at uni teaches you money skills you can’t learn any other way. You also learn time management skills (balance 30hrs of work with full time uni), prioritising skills (beer or dinner? hmm…), negotiation and people skills (who’s turn to clean the bathroom?) and all those other skills that employees love.
I’ve noticed in my working life that those graduates who already live out of home are more mature and have more of those non-technical job-skills that employers love. They are the ones getting promotions and pay rises and buying their own places far sooner than those who are living at home to save.
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I have a relative….okay, my BIL. He lived at home until he married at age 35.
His wife lived at home until she married him at age 30.
These days, BIL spends so much time with my MIL that I often wonder if he ever really left home.
I just don’t think that he can bring himself to let go of that giant titty in the sky.
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‘giant titty in the sky’ – HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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Even though I went to boarding school, had a gap year in Europe, and am now in year 2 of my 5 year degree (where I have to live on campus), I still count Mum and Dad’s as home, and probably will until I get a proper job, which won’t be until I am at least 24.
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I’m the same. Mum’s place is still home to me.
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I did the opposite of this. At 18 when I finished high school, I left my parent’s home to attend university in another city. I didn’t know anyone there. I called them once a week and saw them at Christmas and for the first couple of years, during the summer. I love my parents and we get along wonderfully, but it was time for me to make my own way. Sure, at first it was difficult…I saved for years to attend university (yay pizza hut!) and got scholarships as well. I didn’t have extra money to spend on luxuries… But I would not change a thing. My parents gave me the biggest gift I could ask for – believing I was fully capable of making my own way, and giving me the confidence to believe that at 18 years old I could easily support myself. I am 27 years old now and everywhere I have travelled and everything I own – a house, a car – is 100% because of the years I worked really hard. And I am debt free. Short term sacrifice really paid off. I now have a baby boy with my husband (who went through school the same way I did…), and we will definitely instill the same confidence and work ethic in him. Thanks, Mom & Dad
PS I want to make sure I clarify that I know this may not be the best way for everyone, & parents who allow their children to stay home are lovely as well and can also have confident capable kids…this was just the best way for me, and I found a bit of a struggle at first really paid off
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I moved out after I got married at 21 as my parents were strict in moving in before marriage one of the very few I was actually I didn’t want to move out until then
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I can’t believe you experienced such a backlash the first time. It seems ridiculous to me that people got so heated about YOUR living situation with YOUR parents.
I think people get upset because they don’t think of you as one person talking about it they think your speaking for a whole generation of kids who don’t want to leave. But either way who cares?
I’m 21 I live at home, I pay nothing except my phone credit & occasionally my clothes, food, stuff. I work 1 day a week & study full time externally.
I moved 4 hours away for one year, my parents paid everything then & it was too expensive/I was homesick so I moved back.
I have severe generalized anxiety which is why I don’t work often & we made a deal that they would support me until I finished the uni degree they wanted me to have.
They wouldn’t like it if my sister & I moved out so they put up with it I guess. Next year I’ll be finished & work a little bit more so they don’t pay for everything but I imagine they’ll always support me in little ways. Our whole extended family is like that & I have a lot of cousins who move back in with their parents to save after o/s travel or break ups.
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It’s great that you can have support from your parents but have you ever considered that your anxiety experiences may be caused by your parents creating dependence issues in you?
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I left home at 17 for uni. I did not want to go to uni in Townsville or Cairns just to be close to Mum and Dad. I’d never even been to Brisbane when I moved here. I moved straight into college for two years, then share housing. I couldn’t and wouldn’t ever move home again.
So many people I went to uni with lived at home. I always found it strange, but then, it wasn’t something that could ever have been a possibility for me, because “home” was rural. When I thought about it, it made sense that those friends who were born and raised in Brisbane would stay home till they finished uni if they wanted.
Mind you, a girl I went to uni with still lives at home and she is 25. When we finished uni, she got a job at a top firm (earning about 10k more than me and I was earning a much better wage than say, an advertising graduate so I know she was romping in the cash, and then telling everyone how she was spending $2,000 a month on new clothes) and I asked her if she was going to move out now and experience share housing. Nope, she was staying at home and saving for a house. Fair enough.
She had a serious boyfriend at this stage so I was like “oh ok, so what about your privacy with him, does it bother you?” her response: “Mum said that she didn’t realise her daughter was a screamer”. OH GOOD GRIEF. I was mortified.
Then she tried to dictate to me the ins and outs of living with your partner based on her experience of house sitting her parents house with her boyfriend for 6 weeks. Haha!
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I moved out of home when I was 19 to study in Australia (from NZ). I really think it was the best decision I’ve ever made for the experience, but it was also stressful. I was broke all the time, even after uni (I never really found my calling career-wise), but I’m also very self-sufficient and definitely know how to budget. I really envied my brother who chose to stay at home even after he was married, with my mother eventually having to ask him to get their own place a year later, at age 26!. He had a full time job from the age of 23 and treated my parents house like it was his own, which I hated and felt (and still do) that it was really disrespectful and lazy.
Last year I decided to move to Sydney to be closer to my parents, so I moved in with them. I’m studying FT for a Masters and I’ve had to have procedures that cost $600 every few months. Worst of all, I still haven’t found a job yet, so here I am. at age 29, living back at home. I actually feel so ashamed of this that I’m hesitant to make new friends here because I know what I would have thought about someone living at home at age 29. It’s only a small point in my favour but I do contribute a lot to the household in terms of chores etc, but it’s no excuse really.
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Just want to say please don’t let that stop you from branching out and making new friends. You sound like such a top person and you have nothing to be ashamed of. Life throws you all sorts of ups and downs, and this is just where you happen to be right now – and there are far worse things than living with your parents!
When handling the topic in social situations, you don’t need to disclose your living arrangements to people. If it comes up, don’t lie about it, but don’t apologise for it or make a big deal of it. Simply say, living back with my parents at the moment while I find somewhere. Done!
Good luck
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Thanks Jayne. What a nice comment.
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I’m only 19, so I guess it’s still fairly acceptable for me to be living at home.
And I’m quite thankful that I can.
A few of my close friends have had to move out of home for university, hundreds of km’s away from family. Though they are doing just fine, it’s obvious that somedays the homesickness is horrible.
My mother says to me often to enjoy living at home for as long as I can. Life changes fast, don’t move out just because you can.
I think I would be fine if I had to move out, but I don’t want to yet. And not just because it’s cheaper, mostly because I enjoy knowing that I can come home to people who totally have my back.
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I have wonderful parents who I lived with until I was married at age 23. They are caring, fun, supportive parents who loved having me home and I loved being there.
If I hadn’t married I am sure I would still be there! To each their own – as long as both you and your family are happy with the situation, do what suits you best.
As an aside, I paid board every month once I started working, which I was very happy to do. Upon announcing our engagement, my parents returned all the board money paid as my “wedding fund”! I thought it was a (generous and unexpected) wonderful idea.
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By the way, Lucy – your posts are awesome. I just read your forementioned first post, and thought it was funny and insightful (brilliant for a 1st time!), and they have just got better from there. Ignore the angry people and please keep writing.
If the mark of a good blogger is the number of comments then your first article with 563 is proof! (although your LOL OMG article currently at 415 is coming up strong).
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Awww thank you so much! That’s really lovely
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“To each their own – as long as both you and your family are happy with the situation, do what suits you best.”
This is exactly how I feel about the topic. I dont really think anyone has the right to judge anyone elses living situation!
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It doesnt really bother me what people do. Some people are lucky to have a wonderful family who they dont want to leave, others are desperate for their own space, no big deal.
What does annoy the hell out of me is people who leave home, whether to get married or to live with friends, and they stay in the same area they have always lived in. We know a guy who is getting married at the end of the year, his fiance lives at home a few streets away from where he lives with his family and they have bought a house in the next suburb. I think its really tragic that they cant see that there is more to life than their little neighbourhood that they have both always lived in.
Sure I now live in the same area I grew up in, but not before living in a different area in a share flat when I was younger, living overseas for a while too and when we first got married we lived somewhere else too.
If you cant try living in a different area for at least a while you might as well just stay at home with your parents forever.
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“It doesn’t really bother me what people do.” that sentence, followed by the rest of your comment, doesn’t make sense.
If it doesn’t bother you, then why do you get mad when people do what they choose? Perhaps they are lucky enough to have family and friends in that suburb. Perhaps they enjoy being part of a community. Perhaps they are fortunate enough to have paid work and a home there. Perhaps they plan to live and work elsewhere at another stage of their lives, after they are set up in the area they want to live in long term.
Perhaps they are on a different path to you and you should stop judging their choices if ”It doesn’t really bother me what people do.”
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Whatever. I’m sure all sorts of reasons factor into it, though ts still pretty insular.
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Wow Lu. Intense reaction. I really don’t understand what the cause of it is. My partner and I bought a place just down the road from his parents and brother/sister in law. We live in a stunning part of the world with a fabulous community and I wouldn’t have it any other way. My family have been in the same suburb only a few kms away for generations. Yet im educated, travelled, have a great job (in the big smoke) and a huge variety of life experiences for someone my age. Compare that to some of my mates who moved closer to the cbd? Not so much. I don’t know what’s caused your vitriol but being happy near home does not need to suggest what you claim it does.
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Oh Lu a bit harsh hon. There are many many people who don’t venture far whatever it be. Home, jobs, same hairdresser. These people like their comfort zone. Who is anyone to judge?
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Maybe Lu you’re frustrated now at having ended up near home?? For me it sounds like a lovely community feel, I think we should live more like that having young kids… Villages would be the smart way! Sounds like it doesn’t suit yiu if you’re so angry about it?
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I think there gets to a stage where it is no longer “okay” to use your parent’s house as a permanent res. I understand there are cultural differences, and even big lifestyle events which can cause you to live with/move back in with the rentals (divorce, separation, bankruptcy, studying etc), but aside from that, I think there should be a point where it is important to have that degree of separation from your family home. I have a fantastic family and I had no pressure to move out, but at 20, still a student and working part time, I decided it was time to leave. I feel that it enriched me as a person, yes I had to live like any poor uni student but it was worth it. I learnt how to budget well and how to look after myself. I find it concerning when people in their late 20′s onwards are still living at home (other then for situations above). For example one of my friend’s ex-boyfriends was 28, an associate lawyer earning a six figure salary living with his mother who still made his breakfast, lunch, dinner and did all his washing as well as cleaned his room. No real cultural issues or doing anything else. For me, although I am sure people will disagree, this should be frowned on.
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“still made his breakfast, lunch, dinner and did all his washing as well as cleaned his room. ”
Eek. (Unless he was paying her generously.)
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What a catch! Why would he ever leave.
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No payment. Whatsoever. Although on his ridiculous salary he should have!
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I know where you’re coming from about the budgeting! I created a basic budget spreadsheet while I was saving for my bond/home stuff before I first moved out and I’m still using it 5 years on and it’s never failed me
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I’ve read nearly ALL of the comments re this article – and WOW REALLY? Why do people actually care so much where others live?
Everybody has reason for being where they are. Why all the nastiness?
Find something meaningful to get all huffy about.
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I kind of moved out of home at 21…my now-husband and I kind of got together and started living together at the same time (we’d been best friends for years). I just gradually moved my stuff out until I was no longer home. I was still studying (finishing DipEd) but had finally (after four years of Bachelor) qualified as ‘independent’ in order to get Youth Allowance (it is near impossible to work and do teaching prac, as many who have done the same will attest to!)
At any rate, my parents were more than happy for all of us to stay home while we were studying, but if we weren’t that we would pay board. My brother moved out around 21 as well, and did pay board for awhile before moving out.
My younger sister, however, is still there, has never studied, has been working since she finished school (is now nearly 25), and has no idea how to do basic stuff. She pays (last time I heard) $80 a week board. She needs some basic life training on her own asap, as she has been cotton-woolled for a long time.
My husband and I are overseas studying now, and when we return, we will most likely move in with my parents, as we are renting out our house and the timing between us returning and the tenants lease expiring will not match up by a few months.
No way could I do it long term, though. I’ve tasted independence for 8 years now – unless I was on the bones of my arse, I just couldn’t do it!
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Why don’t you rent a place for a couple of months instead of moving back home then?
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Have you rented before? Because initial leases are 12 months. We are looking at 3 months. You can’t rent a place for 3 months.
Besides, our place is in Perth. There are NO rentals in Perth (vacancy rate=1.3%).
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I went to uni, got a job, saved for a 4 month OS trip, saved for house and moved out when i was 25 with my boyfriend. We now have a beautiful house which we love.
by about 23 i was ready to go but my parents convinced me to save for a place and not rent. i’m so glad i listened!
i could never do that hard saving now being a bit older…. which sucked but i could see the bigger picture so it wasn’t so bad.
My parents were so good too… they virtually left me to my own devices and gave space to me and my boyfriend… but then again they have always been like that so that’s probably the reason that i didn’t mind staying.
i didn’t pay rent while i was at home but we did manage to save 100K for our place, so i figure that was evidence enough for them to see that i wasn’t being stupid with my hard earned
worked out well for me.
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There’s nothing wrong with anyone’s choices really. Each to their own. Though, if I’m honest, when I was younger there was definitely an element of jealousy of those who either lived at home still or had support from their parents.
I was on a cadet’s wage with no one to call on for financial support but myself (yikes) and sometimes having conversations with people who lived at home about why I didn’t just buy that pair of jeans or go out one more night or ask my mum for a loan really grated. Lovely people, sometimes (sometimes) with a huge lack of perspective.
Having said all that, being stone cold broke most of my late teens and early 20s was incredibly character building!
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I moved out of home when I was 18 to go to uni in another city – I’m 23 now and almost all of my friends have moved out of home, but they’re all in a regional city where rent is ridiculously cheap. I have one friend who lived at home (until recently, she moved overseas to work as a nanny) and she did cop a bit of flack behind her back. She paid $50 board “when she could afford it” and occasionally chipped in for groceries. Her only expendiature was her car (which her mum bought for her – she only had to pay for upkeep) and I know her mum covered her rego on more than one occasion because she was a bit short the month it came in. She was always claiming to be broke at inopportune times, despite the fact her income was the same as mine ($400/ week!) and I was paying rent, groceries, electricity, internet etc.
I think living at home in this way ruined her ability to budget – she would go out for dinner at least once a week, when she went out drinking it was always for cocktails, she bought insane amounts of clothes and DVD’s but once we were driving home from the movies and her car broke down – she admitted that it was 10 000k’s overdue for a service and when I said exclaimed “What?! Are you kidding?!” She got super defensive and said “I haven’t had any money ALL YEAR!” (It was SEPTEMBER!) – seeing how defensive she was, I dropped and said “oh well, guess we should call RACQ” …. guess what.. she didn’t have RACQ – she couldn’t afford it, again because she’s had “no money all year”. Disaster. In my opinion, having the option to just not pay for rent or grocerier when there was something more appealing to spend it on wasn’t good for her. Now she works as a live-in nanny earning 300 pounds a week and again, no living expenses. None.
But you know what? If I’m really, truely honest with myself, a lot of the bitchiness and bitterness comes from jealously. I have a twitchy feeling she is secretly saving for a house desposit and it’s going to drive me wild with envy thinking about how she gets to travel, wine, dine and fahionista her way through her twenties, only to buy a house without ever having been at the mercy of a landlord or share housing etc etc. while I’m slumming it with beans on toast in my cotton on threads.
I’ll admit it, I’m poor and have a big case of the green eyed monster, and all the flak you copped in your last post? I’m guessing 90% was for the same reason.
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I am 18 years old and I moved out from my parents house and into a share house this year. I finished year 12 last year in a rural Victorian town and am now in my first year at University in Melbourne. In all honesty, I was seriously not looking forward to moving out. All the things my mum took care of would now be my responsibility and all the things my mum had paid for would now be coming out of my bank account. Four months from moving out of my parent’s home, there are times where I still feel overwhelmed by the responsibility and I still refer to my parent’s house as ‘home’, but overall I know it was for the best. It is such an amazing learning curve, and you get to meet so many interesting people of all different backgrounds. Normally a shy person, my confidence has taken lift-off and I am making friends with everyone! Living with house mates can be really hard though, especially if one or two are not pulling their weight. I wouldn’t swap it though. While I miss my parent’s safe and comfortable home at times, I am growing and learning how to be an adult with adult problems by being in a share house. Skills that will lead me through my whole life hopefully. I understand that staying at your parents house for longer is a more comfortable and perhaps, more safe route to adulthood and independence. I also understand how it may be more logical and suitable to live with your parents during the 18-26 years, but from my (so far little) experience, you are really missing out by living with your folks during the last years of true youth.
Stretch those wings and take a risk.
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I moved out of home at 17, when I started uni. I’ve always been very independent, and never expected anything from my parents.
I studied full time and worked almost full time hours outside of that (restaurant/bar work). To me, I was just doing what I needed to do to be a “grown-up”.
It was a very worthwhile experience- I think everyone should experience that poor, struggling student lifestyle at some point. It is character-building and I had a lot of fun in between
I’m 28 now, and one thing I can say, is that from the moment I left home, I wouldn’t have considered dating someone who did still live at home. I’d rather be with someone who does what it takes to take care of themselves and make their own way in life- but that is my preference.
I’m not sure how I’ll feel about it when I have children. I wouldn’t expect them to move out before they finished uni if it was a high-stress degree, but I’d expect them to pay their way.
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You completely stole my post, said absolutely everything I was going to. Back to work for me then!
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As an Asian person, I don’t think that there is ever a time when I am too old to move out of the family home. Leaving home is like abandoning the family, and is generally quite an upsetting experience for the parents.
With that said, I am 25, I did move out when I was 19 (because of uni, freedom.. etc), then came back home because work location was closer to family home, and parents pleas to not rent if so close to family home….. and generally I do enjoy the company of my parents.
Moving out taught me a lot about life, about money, about people, about situations, that I probably would never have learnt if I never made the move.
At home now, I do take on my fair share of bills, groceries and the likes, and that is only fair, as I do work full time. But now, instead of money wasted on rent, it is now saved towards owning my own property.
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It’s all about circumstances. I took a gap year after year 12 and worked for 6 months before heading over to the UK at 18 for 6 months. When I came back it was back to my parents before moving in to a share house 6 months later. After the independence of living in London, living with my parents was hard! Plus my parents live in a town an hour commute from Adelaide, where I was studying and public transport was limited. I’m now 26 and living overseas with my fiance for a year, volunteering. We’ll be back in Aus at the end of September and will be back at my parents. Ideally for as little time as possible while we both find jobs and a place to rent in the city. Would I prefer to not have to live with my parents again? Yes. Would my parents prefer not having me back home again? Yes. But, despite none of us really looking forward to it (my parents, or my fiance and me!) I am so grateful to my parents for being willing to help us out while we set ourselves up again.
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