Is there a right time to leave home?
Why does everyone care so much where the twenty-somethings live?
A couple of years ago, I wrote a post for Mamamia – my first piece for Mamamia – about why I lived at home. I was 23 at the time, fresh out of uni, and – in hindsight – terribly naïve.
Looking back now, I realise I probably shouldn’t have listed expensive cheeses and fancy shower gels as reasons to stay at home. Ditto those laundry facilities I was so very fond of. Those comments did not make me any friends. The post had me jumping for joy one minute and crying on the phone to my friends the next. Even now I’m still trying to work out what made people so angry.
Anyway… It was probably ironic that only a week after I wrote that piece, I was offered a job that would see me moving out of home or facing one heck of a commute. So I packed up (Mum’s) toaster and entered into the share house life – a life so many commenters had pleaded with me not to let pass by.
Today, I’m still living out of home, and I want to broach that original subject again. Because in the two years since I wrote the original post the conversation hasn’t gone away and if anything, the debate on how long people should stay in the family home is feistier than ever.
And as my friends start to drift from the mid-twenty age bracket towards the ‘holy shit I’m pretty much 30’ cohort, living at home is becoming less and less socially acceptable. At the age of 21 it was normal, at 25 it was justifiable, but at any age thereafter living at home is just an awkward conversation.
When do you think young people should leave home? Is it when they finish high school? When they finish uni? When they’ve landed their first full time job and are ready to enter the serious adult world? And if they do leave home, is it okay to come back and forth in the interest of ‘saving’.
It’s a conversation that’s all too familiar within my circle of friends, most of whom have been coming and going from the family home (or should we call it “home base?”) for years.
On one hand there’s my 22-year-old friend who has her feet firmly planted in the family home. “My parents want me there, I want me there, our house is in a great location and it’s a heck of a lot cheaper than renting in Sydney,” she says. “Yes, I enjoy the organic food in the pantry and chatting to my mum when I get home. But beyond all that – my parents would be offended if I moved out just for the sake of moving out.”
Then there’s another 26-year-old friend who’s recently made the move from the family home she shared with her mum, dad and a little brother to a share house with three roommates she met on the internet. She’s more about moving out for the experience. “The experience of being young and living in a share house is one that I would have been sad to miss out on. I like the freedom of doing what I want and growing vegetables in egg cartons on the front porch – can you imagine what my mother would say if I did that in her immaculate garden?”
“It’s just the Australian way,” says another 25-year-old American friend, who just moved back to the states after 10 years in Australia. “People look at me extremely weird when I tell them I lived at home until I moved here. Here they move out of home from college on, but their parents still very much support them.”
I’m still trying to decide where I stand on the issue – or whether it needs to be an issue at all. I see both sides of the argument now; I know what it’s like to forget neglect to do laundry and run out of clean underwear. I’ve found myself staring simultaneously turning off all the lights in the house while staring at an electricity bill a week before pay day. Am I better for it? I’ll put down on my list of ‘life experiences’ alongside the travel and internships and uni degrees I was able to do because I lived at home until I was 23. Yes, I said that.
So moving out of home. Good move? Bad Move? Necessary move?
I think it’s my 22-year-old friend who sums it up the best: “Living at home is the best possible living arrangement for my circumstances and that’s what I think is the most important at the end of the day – doing what’s best for you and being happy and safe, wherever you are.”
Why then do people get so shitty?
At what point do you think kids should up and leave the family house? When did you move out of home? Was it your decision – or your parents?
Comments
371 Comments so far
Don’t honestly know why people get so shitty Lucy!
It’s a recurring theme on the internet. It’s almost like they enjoy being angry … there must be some sort of neurochemical reward in feeling self-righteous.
As for me, if both parents and children are happy, who am I to pass judgement on how they live their lives?
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Moved out at 18 to go to uni, still there now. Have talked about the possibility of moving back home when I’ve finished my degree if there is a job there which mum is fine with as long as I pay board. That is fine by me!
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I really don’t get all the fuss – so what if People live at home? I’m an Australian living in Asia and on the times that I go back to Australia for long and short stints I (shock horrer) stay with my parents because I enjoy their company and it makes sense. It’s about a family support network which is slowly being eroded in western countries. To people who live at home enjoy it while you can and be thankful that you have Parents who have a big enough house to accommodate you and want you there
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I am about to turn 25 and I still live with my Mum, BUT generally we share the living basic costs equally. I pay 1/2 the rent, food, electricity etc. Any extras come from my own pocket the vast majority of the time (saying thay when I do owe her money I pay her back of course). When I was younger and studying I received Youth Allowance none of which I could keep for myself. This is the reality of living on a very low income – unfortunately still continuing to be on a low combined income (albeit a lot higher than our previous combined income) means that we cannot afford to live apart from each other. We have to live together through sheer necessity. Funnily enough most of my friends in my age bracket still live at home! They are all in their early to mid-twenties and for various reasons such as convenience, love, comfort, necessity or an unfortunate lack of employment still live at home with varying degrees of success. Some love it and couldn’t imagine any other way, others want independence but can’t manage financially. Although I do feel like I haven’t achieved much and that I am not completely independent, but there’s not a heck of a lot I can do about it – and I adore my Mother – she is by bestie. Furthermore I feel like if we end up living together forever I can take care of her as she gets older – and maybe in the future if there’s a future husband (and kids one day) we can all live together. Granny flats are awesome!! The most important thing is that we are not looked down upon for simply living with our families. We aren’t all bludging off our parents or elders. We can have jobs, pay for bills or even the mortgage and still live at home. Life’s hard and sometimes I think living with your parents can provide everyone with comfort and help – provided the kids aren’t exploiting Mum and Dad – that’s when I get narky and I can feel a bit judgy (if you have a job – pay your parents board people – it’ll go a long way to making everyone feel happy).
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This topic is always going to spark a lot of debate! I myself moved out in my early twenties and I’m glad I did. I’ve mostly lived in shared accomodation although I lived on my own for a short period as well. I learnt so much from living out of home and it forced me to become a lot more independent. I did move back for a few months at the age of 24/25 just before I moved overseas and although some aspects of it were great (saved a lot of money, mum’s home cooked food etc) I definitely couldn’t do it for a long period of time! I get along better with my family when I dont’ live with them and as I was used to being more independent I found living at home quite difficult. I couldn’t imagine still living at home now (aged 28) like some people I know, but I don’t necessarily judge those who do.
I know a few people my age and quite a bit older living at home and some who have never moved out. It is for various reasons: parents bad health, their own bad health, cultural/religious reasons, saving to buy a house. In most situations, I don’t judge them, that’s their decision. HOWEVER I do judge just a LITTLE bit when i meet people who are late twenties/thirties, have never moved out, mum still does everything such as cooking and cleaning, they don’t pay board, they have been working full-time for years and they don’t save a single cent! I know a guy like this who is now THIRTY SEVEN, mum still does everything for him, he’s been working full time for FIFTEEN years and has absolutely no plans to move out because he doesn’t want to do anything for himself. Not only this, he boasts about it too! I admit this situation is extreme, but you’d be surprised how many people I’ve met in a very similar situation.
Lucy – I hope you’ve enjoyed your experience of living out of home and living in Sydney and that you’ve learnt a lot from it!
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People who still live at home without contributing either financially or practically are not really living. The parents who are enabling these children are definitely not doing anybody a favor. Our main job as a parent is to raise independent , productive members of society. That means out in the world AND in your home situation.
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Hey Lucy
This is a big topic and I’m not going to delve into it all right now- but what Ido want to say is this: the abuse you copped for daring to take a risk and write about an issue which affected you is really depressing. It saddens me that you faced that- especially as it was your first piece. I find MM a fairly tolerant and empathetic community (compared to many) and yet there are always a few haters in every community. I doubt they have any idea of the impact that their words can have. Anyway, the point i really want to make is this- depsite your batism by fire- I’m really glad to see that you are doing grea things and that the experience didn’t scare you off voicing your opinion cos your pieces are always enjoyable. keep it up, gal!
x
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Thanks Nina, Can’t say I expected the comments to go the way they did on the first round, but it was a learning experience to say the least! There’s always going to be some nastiness, but it’s almost always outweighed by beautiful, lovely commentators and that’s what makes it worth it.
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I’m about to move out of home again (at 22) and have some questions about sharehouses! Went to see a place which was good (big living room/kitchen, spacious bedroom & ensuite, close to my grandma to visit) and one of the housemates (a girl in her mid 30s) seemed nice but the other guy who I guess is early twenties was a bit wierd. First thing he said to me was ‘oh how long will you be staying here? i don’t like your face! don’t wanna live with you!’ the girl laughed and said ‘oh you’re such a joker’! Of course I know it was a joke but just seems wierd as your first interaction with someone? Also even though I was coming to meet them and have a discussion he just rocked up late, said a few words then said ‘ive got a few things to do’ and went to his room. Whereas the lady sat down and talked through everything with me. He also smokes outside and i hate smoking but it might be ok if it’s outside? I don’t know if I am just being intolerant or if its better to try and find people you feel 100% sure about?
The other thing is people seem to do their own thing there which is good in terms of having my own space but then I think I would like a homely environment too if possible? What are others experiences of choosing strangers to live with !!??
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Run! If he seems strange now he’ll just get worse. I lived with 2 girlfriends who I adored beforehand but couldnt wait to move out after 12 months, we all drove each other crazy.
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I second that, Lu! If they seem weird to start, it’s only going to downhill from there.
Elle, I know it seems as though smoking outside will be tolerable but if you hate the smell, you’ll notice it no matter where in the house you are. Sad fact of many smokers is that you can smell it on them most of the time, not just when they’re actually smoking.
Oh, and unless you’re a student, I’d avoid student housemates like the plague!
Good luck
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Elle – I have had various experience of living with strangers, both good and bad! One thing I have learnt from these experiences is that first impressions are often right. I lived with a woman who was paranoid schizophrenic when I was overseas and she used to accuse me of stealing her things and trying to break into her room (which had a lock on it). I had a negative vibe from her from the FIRST time I met her. Had I had the choice, I wouldn’t have moved inw ith her, but at that stage the company i worked for organised my accomodation so I had no choice. I ignored my gut instinct that she was strange (one of the first things she said to me was, ‘I wasn’t expecting to get a housemate and I didn’t want one, I hope you won’t stay long’) and thought it’d be ok but turned out to be a nightmare. Luckily, my company arranged for me to move out.
However, with the excpetion of that experience, other experiences of living with strangers have worked out pretty well. Either we’ve ended up becoming good friends or we’ve just each done our own thing and not gotten into each other’s way. With all these people,I had a good vibe from the start
My message is: trust your gut instinct! If he seems like a weirdo, he probably is. After my negative experience, I now don’t move in with people that I get a strange vibe from after seeing the house. However, don’t let that put you off livign with strangers. It can actually be better in some ways than living with friends as there are not so many expectations of hanging out all the time, doing everything together etc. Good luck!!
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Thanks Anna! I might give it a miss
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I think when you are working full time it’s time to move out. So that would be around 21-25 for most people who went to university I’d say.
Staying at home if you can while at uni is fantastic – it’s really hard juggling classes, study and part time/casual jobs (I had several casual jobs and so did most of my friends) even when you are at home. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for students living out of home and having to worry about money constantly as well.
I am a firm believer that living out of home and being independent is invaluable. It teaches you how to manage your finances, deal with other, often difficult, people if you are living in a sharehouse and countless other general life skills – cooking, cleaning, fixing things, living in different areas with different demographics, and so on.
You’d probably save for a deposit quicker living at home but going straight from living at home paying a share of bills, nominal board, and having parents to help out with cooking, cleaning and household stuff to a house with a mortgage, utilities, car, medical, insurance payments and having to do EVERYTHING yourself must be a huge shock for some who haven’t had the experience living out of home before.
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I’m 20, at uni and happily living at home. I’m the oldest of three and my mum would be so sad if I moved out anytime soon! I think I will wait until i finish uni and have a full time job before i move out.
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I moved out of home at 18, and even though I’m glad I did, it meant my parents didn’t help me much from then on, and saw my financial struggles as a rite of passage or some such. I feel behind the eight ball with all of my friends, who now own houses, having saved cash in the early days when parents paid uni fees, grocery bills, bought them cars, paid their rego and health insurance – there was no rent to worry about, and I could go on. I admit I partially resent still struggling today when no body else really seems to but it was my choice and I own it, and wouldn’t be who I am today if I had stayed with my family. So my advice is that if you get along well, stay and save your money to set yourself up later in life!
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But you’re effectively suggesting that peoples’ parents subsidise their “money-saving years”. It would be exactly the same if they moved out of home but had, say, $100 a week direct-debited from their parents’ bank account for five years in order to built a home deposit. Would THAT be acceptable? No, that seems ludicrous. And yet it’s fine to suggest eating their groceries, using their electricity etc while you’re saving your own money for a deposit.
Of COURSE we could all save if we lived with someone else and had that person pay our bills. But why should parents have to do that? They are people too!
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Why shouldn’t they do that if they actually care about their kids and want to give them the best possible start in life? If those living at home to save money actually save their money, then they are probably learning a valuable skill – how to plan for the future, how not to spend money you know you need, amongst others. Some basic life lessons like budgeting and saving, and presto! Buy or rent a house, take the money you’ve saved, and off ya go.
It’s not whether or not parents SHOULD do it, it’s about whether or not they WANT to do it, and CAN do it. Should they have to?
I think all parents have a responsibility to make sure that they do what they can to ensure their children aren’t going to wind up homeless in a ditch somewhere.
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By the ages of 21 and 22, my parents were permanently “shot of us”.
My oldest moved out at 24, she’s been at uni, so we took minimal board, but got her to do her own washing and help out around the house. My son is 21 and moving out in a few weeks. I’m happy with those ages. We still have 2 young ones at home, so won’t be empty nesters for a while.
No matter what you think, your parents support you, probably to their financial detriment, unless you are a completely equal financial partner, or pay a significant amount of board.
I love my kids, but do look forward to the day we can get a small house/unit and just do our own thing. Having said that, if you all contribute equally, there really is nothing wrong with living with family for as long as you want.
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I’m a great example of a ‘boomerang’… when I was 20 I could not WAIT to move out of home and ‘get my own life’. With the help of my grandparents (who paid my rent – I know, very lucky) + AusStudy + a part-time job (I was studying a dual degree at the time) I moved into a little flat in the city with a friend. The next 10 years I lived out of home – in share houses, with my then-partner for a few years, in another share house, with my now-husband… then, in 2009 my husband and I moved back to my parent’s property (we actually live out in a converted shed on the property, not in the house) temporarily as we planned to go travelling. But some medical issues kept us from leaving… and after a while, the 4 of us (I’m an only child btw) decided we liked things how they were!
Mum and Dad love having us here, where we can see each other every day, and we can help them manage the acreage, and we love living out here (I work from home now so we can live wherever). We pay our cut of all the bills and live independently from them, but our friends joke that we’re ‘living at home’.
As a young woman I NEVER would have anticipated I’d be back here, but I couldn’t be happier.
I think we in Western cultures put this really weird emphasis on ‘getting away’ from our families and becoming independent. I’m really glad I did get out on my own – but I’m also glad I ‘got it out of my system’ so to speak so I can now enjoy being here close to my parents. With my dad currently battling cancer, it really brings home how important family is – and how nice it is when you can all be there for each other.
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People need to be cool cucumbers here, why the nastiness? Everyone has their own situations, why should we judge another’s choice if everyone in the agreement (parents, siblings, grandparents, spouses… pets!) is happy?
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I’m 24 and did things pretty normally.
From 18-23, I lived at home while I studied at University, and my parents were amazing and helped me out with food and laundry. I still had to fund my own car, phone, clothing etc., but I always felt like they put themselves out too much for me.
I got married at 23 and lived in my parent’s granny flat for 6 months (rent free!) before moving to London with my husband. Now we are here, my parents don’t contribute at all and I love it!
I’ve realised how high my standard of living was when I was living at home, and it’s been a rude shock for me. The main things are:
1) Eating out.
I ate out 4-5 nights a week when I first got married and was living in Sydney. Since moving to London 10 months ago, I’ve eaten out in a restaurant 5 times. And they were all budget, chain restaurants.
2) Clothes.
I haven’t bought new clothes for a year. Everything I buy is from charity stores or second hand (3 pound limit incl postage) on Ebay. Ditto with shoes, bags, accessories.
3) Food
I buy meat on sale, and stretch it out in stews, soups etc. I heard about people doing this, but never thought that I would have to. Shows how spoilt I was!
I’m used to it now, and love the independence. However, my parents are coming to visit in August, and I’m really hoping they splurge and take me out to some restaurants!!! :S
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i’ve been scrawling down and reading all these comments about people moving out at 17/18/20 and buying their own property and things… i’m really super curious if this was a recent situation. rent/property prices are completely through the roof today. people are often staying at home longer and getting financial support from parents because it is just obscenely expensive out there at the moment. far, far worse then it has ever been.
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Hi, I moved out at 18 and bought my own house with my partner three years ago, when we were 22 and 23.
We could only afford it because we bought a small house outside of Melbourne. I have to drive 50 minutes to work every day, but we have built up equity and will use this to upgrade to our next bigger and better house in a year or two.
You have to start pretty crap – no inner-city mansion is feasible for the average first home-buyer.
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I moved out when I was 18, nearly 20 years ago. Sure things weren’t as expensive then, but income was lower too, so swings and round-abouts. I got $120 a week, and my share of rent was $65. Eating 2 minute noodles and putting a jumper on instead of the heater has always been the case.
So far as buying property, it was just as hard back when I was in my early 20s. Again, the purchase price for a decent place was a lot lower, but interest rates were significantly higher, and there was no such thing as a 5% deposit, or using a FHOG as part of a deposit.
And no, I’m not a smug gen-x with a real estate empire. Buying my first house is still a long way away.
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I moved out of home at 18 for uni, interstate. I paid my own way using Youth Allowance, rent assistance, a part time/casual job and then in later uni, a small ($4000, amazing how far that can take you when it NEEDS too) scholarship i won on merit. I lived in college, then sharehouses.
I moved back to my original state with a job lined up, stayed with my parents for 2 months (that was enough! Just long enough to find a rental and moved in with an old friend – bas move, but blah, such is life!!!), stayed there for a year and a half before that went to hell, moved into my own unit for 6 months (best six months of my life to date – GREAT for ‘finding yourself’) and then purchased my first property at the age of 23… all my rent/bills had been paid by me since i was 18, and i’d paid off a brand new car so I thought, stuff it, why pay someone else’s mortgage when i could pay my own!
Property (in brisbane, in 2008/9 when i brought this place – which is worth quite a bit less at the moment, obviously
boo ) is not that bad if you don’t have expectations of living in the city, glitz and glamour… it’s about being realistic.
I figured I’d use this as a renter if i ever found a life partner and we’d buy a HOUSE house together (I own a 2 storey three bedroom townhouse 20 mins from the city.) OR that I’d buy a smaller, but nicer unit closer to the city by the time i was 30 if the marriage/partner thing didn’t work out.
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I moved out when I was 18. My parents had split up and my Dad was moving his mistress into our family home after he forced my Mum out. It was a really hard time I was studying full time and had a low paying part time job. Eventually my Mum and younger sister moved in with me and we were flatmates splitting all of the bills. It took me a while but I managed to finish studying, get a good job, save and then travel the world at 21.
I now have 3 children of my own now and I will be happy for them to live in our family home for as long as they want. I will expect them to pay board but I will be in no hurry for them to leave.
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I’ll add that you have to think about the other end of the equation. I’m preparing now to support our parents. I’m already at 32 helpoing them navigate medical issues and one in particular we are looking for a house with a granny flat for the future.
By golly am I glad I’ve been out of home for 15 years before preparing for the next step of having to go back to look after them. I’m glad to do it, but I can’t imagine moving out and then five minutes later them needing ME to help them. In reality its still 5 years minimum before some things area reality, but its already in the works.
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Did your parents have you late in life? 32 seems so young to be dealing with those issues!!
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I moved out of home when I was 17, two weeks after graduating high school. I moved to the city which was an hour away and studied full time plus worked 5 nights a week at a night club. I moved straight into a share house with a guy a year older than me who was a family friend and (unbeknown to me beforehand) a drug dealer. I matured pretty quick living there. My parents didn’t help me out with anything. There were a few times when I didn’t earn enough money to buy food as well as pay my phone, rent, fuel etc and those were the times that my mother surprised me with some groceries. I never asked for it, she just seemed to know that my bread was mouldy and my two minute noodle stash had run dry.
I think the excuse of people staying at home to save to buy a house or travel etc is a bit of a cop out. I bought my first home (now an investment property) when I was 22. I was renting an inner city apartment at the time, earning 40k a year and paying off a 20k car loan. My parents didn’t help me then either. I think it has alot to do with sacrifice, determination and opportunities. I didn’t go out and party with my friends, or have the best and newest of everything, plus there was a downturn in the property market so I used it to my advantage and bought a 3 bedroom townhouse 20kms from the city.
I also think that great Australian dream of owning homes is really out of reach for a lot people so why not just rent? It’s become cheaper to rent than to own a home and you don’t have to pay for water or council rates!!!
I’m all for people living at home to become more financially stable but I hope those people are not under any illusions about what it takes to survive in the
real world and have a mortgage of their own. Yes you might have $40k sitting in your bank ready to use as a deposit for a home but it won’t get you far when you need to budget and manage your money when your bills are all due at once.
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A bank gave you a mortgage earning $40k a year, with a $20k car loan, while living out of home? Yikes, I’d be interested to know which one because I might just have to give them a ring!
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Hi Miss, I actually work for a bank and did so for 2 years before I applied for the loan. I also had a superb credit rating/history and my expenses weren’t that high.
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Or you could be 27 with $265,000 saved up. Another year or two of this in this crappy property market and I’ll be able to buy my own place or just invest the money until it’s time to buy and rent something with all the money I no longer need to save
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Or you could be your parents, at 65, who have a bit/ a lot less to put towards their retirement because they have continued to support you when you could support yourself??
People keep talking about how their parents are “happy” to be making these sacrifices. I am a parent, so i get that you will *always* sacrifice for your kids. But I am also a person with my own needs and goals and I, for one, will not be happy to sacrifice my leisure time, hard earned money etc to support my 20something kids (if they are earning at such a high capacity to save $100K+ by mid20s!) by doing their laundry and buying their groceries and paying their rent.
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I’m a little shocked how judgemental some people can be on here.
I know people say that you dont grow up when your sheltered at home but I have friends who moved out at 17,18,19 and still live like paupers, as they have never seemed to get passed living week to week.
I’m 26, and have recently moved back home after living out of home for the last 18months. At 24 I bought an apartment which I then moved into …I have always experienced snide reamarks from people when they knew I didn’t pay board etc “oh you wont know what to do with yourself if you ever had to move out, you dont know how good you’ve got it”
Well, just because I lived at home for so long doesn’t make me an idiot with my money. I lived out of home for 18months, and yes I absolutely loved it and can honestly say that I didn’t struggle with my mortgage repayments, maintained a social life, managed to pay off my car and all my bills on time, and why was that so manageable ? Not because I earn loads of money (i certainly do not!!) but because I know how to budget my money.
AND I know how to cook and clean for myself SHOCK, HORROR someone who didn’t leave home at 17 can do those things.
So many people on here think that if you live at home your backside is wiped for you, the last time my parents gave me spending money I was probably 14, they dont do my washing, make my bed or clean for me, we all know how to cook and take turns doing so. We are civilised adults not mummy and daddy and grown up kids.
And I know what you may be thinking, well she moved back home so she must have not been able to cope, I moved back home as I am planning a longish overseas holiday and dont see the point of leaving my place empty when it could be earning me rent. Also I’d like to save for another place which I can do much faster being at home, and my parents encourage me to do so. Both living in and out of home are great for different reasons, although I am home for now I only plan to be here a year then I will buy another place and be gone for good.
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likewise…i only moved out when i was 31 because i brought my own house but after living in it for one year i moved back home.
Now renting the house for two years, hopefully in ten year the house is fully paided off. Everyone situation is different! Seriously it not a status thing in ten years time i be living in my’own’ outright house , stress free.
My sister and brother moved out and have family. My sister has a good job and my brother make more money than i do but constantly broke.
I alway give not lend money to him, cause he my bro.
100 here and 100 there but recently i told him this cant go on, his mortgage is under 100k which is not that much plus his wife work part time.
He moved out when he was 18 now 36 and still dont save much money and his excuse is he has three children…oh by the way my parent put a deposit for his house 8years ago when the property market was cheap, heck you could of brought two back then lol. If my parent didnt help my bro would still be renting for the rest of his life. How do i know because he always been asking for money not from me but from my parents as well. Just because you move out young dont necessary mean your good at budgeting , it all boil down to each individual.
If you have a loving family who want you to stay at home, why not until you are married, what is the rush.
Realistic when my parent become old i will not put them in nursing home, either my partner will look after them as they have look after me. After hearing all the horrible stories of the elderly not fully cared why would i consider it as an option at all.
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Ok guys I’m going to set all your hair on fire- I am in my early 30s and still living at home.
I am completely independent- wash, iron, cook and clean for myself, and pay for my percentage of all the household bills. Its by no means a free ride but its the place I live and sleep.
I don’t see the point in paying somebody else’s mortage I like the area I live in and I can’t afford to pay one by myself. But look I don’t know if I’d advise it of everybody, but I know myself to be very independant, and more than capable of looking after myself. I’ve travelled widely and still do that as often as possible but for me for now I don’t see the issue with living here.
I think its a huge generalisation to say that all children still living with their parents are lazy.
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Agreed. I was 32 when I moved out and bought a house. Mind you I had been paying rent and food money since I was 15. Now mum is living back with me because she can’t afford to rent by herself.
Not all kids at home are lazy and living rent free.
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As long as it is working for both the parents and the child why should anyone else care or have an opinion. I was a boomerang child sometimes for my benefit and sometimes for my parents. When I met my husband he was 40 and living at home – I did not freak out because there are sometimes good reasons – we are now married and my mother is now living with us. It is called being part of a family.
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Technically I lived at home until I was 28, but my parents were living overseas from when I turned 18 onwards so apart from bi-annual visits I was living alone. I didn’t pay rent (my parents never would have rented the place out anyway, so I wasn’t preventing them from making money and they were happy someone was there to maintain the place, plus they preferred I saved), but I paid all the bills, including insurance, rates etc.
I didn’t plan on it, and I wouldn’t have done it if my parents hadn’t been living elsewhere, but it was just too good to pass up. I was able to live right in the city and still save a ton of money and later invest in property, and when I did move out it was into a beautiful apartment I paid cash for. I’m totally aware of how lucky I was, and very grateful to my parents.
I don’t judge people who still live at home. You never know someone elses real circumstances. I know a few people in their 30′s who have never left home because they care for one of their parents. I know other people who seem totally independent, but who actually get an extremely generous allowance each month.
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I moved out when I was 22. But from the age of 18 I was paying my own way at home. Board, my own private health insurance (my choice obviously but my parents took me off theirs). I’d been doing my own washing for years already. I contributed to groceries and cooking and cleaning (well, cleaning and cooking was part of our chores as teenagers anyway).
I agree with what someone else said earlier on… there often seems to be a sense of self-entitlement with people living at home for so long. They have everything done for them, they don’t want to ‘pay someone else’s mortgage’, they can’t afford to buy a nice big home with all the bells and whistles.
Well guess what? Very few people in life get to move out of a comfortable family home with their parents and straight into owning the house of their dreams. It’s just not reality for most people.
I think a lot of people still living at home are frightened of living in a place with a mattress on the floor, a beanbag to sit on and one wok in the kitchen cupboard. I get that it’s daunting, but it’s SO GREAT to have your own independence. Either solo or with a friend or a partner. I always remember that line from ‘St Elmo’s Fire’ where the girl is painting the walls of her apartment and she said something like ‘Last night I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and it was the BEST peanut butter and jelly sandwich because it was all mine’. So true.
If nothing else, moving out of home allows you to learn a lot about yourself. Most people would be surprised at how they can manage.
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When I was younger, I would never have gone out with a guy post 26 that lived at home! I’m just putting it out there…….there would only be a very small amount of excuses I would accept if he was 26 and still living at home!
I wonder if men feel the same about women…….
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Men don’t care. Just as they don’t care what you do for a living. (Of course, I’m generalising here.) But that’s a discussion for another post!
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I’m 27 still living at home and my boyfriend is 37 and moved out of home at 18 to go to university. He owns 5 properties but he always tells me he loves the fact I live at home because he knows that my parents are strict and I never would have dreamed of bringing a “man friend” home or ever exposed myself to the risk if going home with one. Rightly or wrongly a lot of men but not all want a “good girl”
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Really Lucyb, are you saying single chicks that do not live at home are “bad girls” then?
Well based on your opinion, I am a very bad girl. I did not have a choice about living at home and have been on my own since I was approx. 22 years old. I make sensible decisions, own my home and don’t indulge in risky behaviour.
You are no better or worse than anyone else, no matter whose roof you are living under.
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I think it says more about him than it does about her!!
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It says a lot about her too because she is with him.
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lol a ‘good girl’. So he only trusts you not to sleep with other men because he knows you can’t?
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I was always very proud of moving out of home at age 19.
When I met my ex-boyfriend he still lived at home at age 26 and I thought it was a bit lazy as he had a full time job, but we’re from different cultures so I just accepted it. I was shocked though when he was hesitant to introduce me to his mother because she (and he, apparently) thought that a girl my age living out of home must have come from a bad family and therefore wasn’t daughter in law material.
Needless to say, we’re exes now.
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I haven’t read the comments, but isn’t it funny that when you’re 18, you’re dying to move out of home and then you hit an age where you’d love to be back in yor family home living with your mum and dad again…. If only for a little bit! I wish I had of appreciated how simple life was living at home and some days I wish so much to be sitting around the table with mum and dad again!
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I moved out of home from a country town to Sydney at 18 and never moved back. Love my parents, but needed to be independent. My husband’s family disintegrated around him, with his Dad incarcerated and his mum taking off, when he was about 17, leaving him working full time and supporting his younger brother. We now have a 3 year old together, and his 16 year old living at home. And we’ve basically told my stepson that we will house him while he is studying or starting his career, but that we don’t expect to do so forever, and that he needs to support his own social life. He’s finishing school this year and planning on uni next year. I hope that’s what he does, and am happy to have him live with us while he finishes uni, and perhaps for a while until his career is a bit established, but I don’t think we’d be doing him any favours if he stayed with us when he’s earning enough to live independently. For this reason I don’t think he will have total freedom while still living with us. If he wants to live with his girlfriend, they can find and fund their own place. And yes, he is expected to help around the house while he lives there. He’s done his own washing and packed his own lunch since he was about 12, and helps with the weekend housework. Sometimes he rolls his eyes but I tell him his future housemates and partners will be forever grateful for us because he will leave home ready to look after himself. I love him to pieces, and when the day comes that he does move out I’ll miss him, but I see the role of parents to raise kids to be independent of you. I plan to follow the same course with our 3 year old when the time comes – teach your kids to contribute to the house the live in, whether it’s their family of origin, a share house, or living with a partner.
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There doesn’t seem to be much consideration of parents in here. Everyone is so sure that their parents want them there. I know a few boomers who feel like this but most I speak of secretly want their space and to move onto a new stage in their life, but are too polite to say so.
I moved out at 17, my sister at 17 and the other sister at 19. Did all teh stuff highlighted before, worked multiple jobs and studied.
I don’t want my children at home well into their 20s. For lots of reasons. I want them to work two jobs, I don’t think my job is to make their life like cotton candy. Its to allow them to experience life and build resistance. I also have plans to have a life with my husband that doesn’t include them. That isn’t selfish. Since when did we sign on to actively parent (as opposed to worry which happens for ever) for 30 years!
I’m their parent, not their friend. I’m great mates with my mother, we do lots of things together. But I’m in my mid 30s with two children. It was clear to me at 18 she was my mother, not my mate. No boys to stay over. Do your chores. Do as your told. It concerns me that any adult, whether as a part of a parental relationship or a marriage/partnership arrangement would want to ‘do as they were told’.
And no matter how much board they may or may not pay, I have a buncho f people who work for me knocking on 30 who don’t know the basics of a mortgage or how to sign a bond, or even how to pay their own rego or go to the Ombudsman when their insurance doesn’t work out. Can they learn later, for sure. But they aren’t just skills for oneself, they are skills and information that often help you develop context in your job or in life.
So yes, whilst its none of my business how other people live as individuals, I think that socialogically we are losing a lot of skills that people developed in their late teens and twenties and I don’t think it’s a great thing.
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I think you rock Dee!
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My autocorrect was on fire. Resilience not resistance and a whole heam more lol.
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Argh – HEAP more not harem…I give up.
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It would be super nice if all the adults still living at home, whose parents don’t let them pay board or expenses, opened up a secret bank account and squirrelled away all that extra money they don’t pay on household bills, so that one day their parents could go away on a nice OS holiday, or a nice bonus for their retirement. Now wouldn’t that be a great way of paying back your parents for all they had done for you?
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my cousin posted this on facebook.
It’s funny how it’s pretty much just Aussie parents who make their kids pay board. That’s one thing I love about wogs- they never do that. Honestly though, if you don’t want to shelter and feed me then you shouldn’t have had me- and as for “teaching your kids responsibility” and all that jazz- well if you had faith in the way you raised them then you would know that they don’t need that kind of lesson.
ha! could not believe it when i saw it. the cousin also always complains about not having money, but that doesnt stop them going to music festivals and buying clothes, etc. etc. etc. boy, kids of today *shakes head*
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Whoa. Your cousin! That’s what I was talking about earlier re: lack of perspective!
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Ugh, I’m 25 and reading this makes me want to shake my head at the youth of today!
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Boarding school aged 11.
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i moved out of home with my now fiance when i was 22. for me, i needed to get out. i was fighting constantly with my parents and it was just horrible. two years later, and i think my relationship with my parents is better than what it wouldve been had i stayed at home. my 22 year old sister still lives at home (much to her and my parents dislike), but shes not a financial position to be able to move out yet. whenever i go to visit and sleep over sometimes, i think to myself, god im so glad i moved out of home! much as i love my parents, i just dont think i could live at home ever again.
my cousin is 28 in may, and still lives at home.
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I agree with others saying it depends on the person, the situation, the culture etc. My husband moved out at 16 and I moved out at 19. I moved out from living with my mum to living with my boyfriend at 19. Bit of an adjustment and we had very tough times, but I managed. I never felt the going too tough and ran home to mum though. I have a friend who has just recently moved out of home for the first time at 32. That, to me, is way too old. Its purely sponging off your parents. Go buy a house and get a life. You’re an adult. I totally accept the people who stay home for cultural or religious reasons, more than fair enough. But staying home until you’re 30, 40 etc is just laziness. Its getting in this little comfort zone of home and not fending for yourself. You grow so much as a person living away from home. And as much as you think your parents love having you there, I bet there are many times where they would be more than happy to help you pack.
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I moved out at 22, largely because my parents live in a distant suburb but also because that’s what you do when you finish studying. Everyone’s circumstance is different but that said I am pretty surprised when I hear someone who’s working is living with their parents. I love my parents, and I recently spent 5 months back at home when a job and a lease ended at the same time. It was great, but once I was working again I’d have felt a bit weird staying.
I agree with what people have said above – the ‘I can’t afford to rent’ excuse is rubbish. If you’re working, support yourself!
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Maybe people get shitty because you make it sound all about you. What about taking the parents’ feelings into consideration? Just a thought…
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It’s hard to talk about parents’ feelings without being a parent myself. I can only speak from my – and my broadly my friends’ – experience… and this is it.
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I am sure you are not beyond beginning to imagine how you might feel as a parent one day. Think about it.
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How rude are you.
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What is rude about my comment?
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Just to add to my previous comments I thought I would turn it around a bit. I love my parents. They will always assist myself and my siblings if we really need it or if they can, whilst encouraging and expecting independence. But I also know that I hate relying on them more than absolutely necessary because they have worked hard for their financial stability. They are in their mid 50s and winding down their working lives and I WANT them to:
- spend money on themselves for once in their lives
- take all the big holidays they never took while raising 4 children
- be able to retire comfortably in the next ten years
- spoil their grandchildren instead of me
I wonder how many people think about their parents needs as much as our parents tend to think about ours?
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Just to offer a bit of a different perspective – part of the reason I still live at home is to help look after my grandmother (who also lives there). She’s had a few health scares in the last couple of years and generally needs a lot of company, as well as help with getting to the shops, the doctor, etc. My parents are also of the age where they’re taking all the big holidays (going to the Galapagos islands in 5 weeks!) but they would never be able to go unless they knew I was around to look after grandma. So I guess in this situation, everyone’s needs are being met – mine, my parents’ and my grandmother’s.
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I’m with Nat on this one. Leaving home for me meant leaving my Mum on her own, which is something that’s still on my mind every day. It’s different for every family…
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There is nothing wrong with worrying about your mum… and she may miss you, but I’d be willing to bet she is grateful for her own space.
And even if she isn’t, my comment is directed at the many who seem to not give a hoot about what their parents need or want and never contribute financially when they are at home.
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Totally agree! My 3 siblings and I always tell our parents they’d better not leave us a cent. Spend it all, have the time of your lives, you raised us, did a bloody brilliant job and deserve a rocking retirement. We all moved out when we finished school. I got so sick of mum saying to me “When you live in your own house you can do exactly what you want, but while you’re under my roof….” so I called her bluff and have never looked back. Oh the adventures and wonderful colourful people I have had living in share houses, with my sister for a bit (wild crazy times), with all my siblings again in a share house on the surf coast (wilder, crazier times) and with assorted friends throughout the years. It’s been a great life so far and would have been pretty vanilla if I was still at Mum and Dads that whole time. Now a very responsible grown up, married and have kids of my own and hope they crave that independence when they reach the same age too.
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I don’t think there’s a hard and fast rule on this one. Some parents are happy to have their children at home for as long as possible, some kids can’t wait to get out. I left 2 days after my 16th birthday (mad family situation) but fortunately I was able to stay with other relatives. I know my stepbrother stayed at home until he was 38 and paid the same amount of money from the time he was 16 until he finally went. You can guess it wasn’t much.
There’s a lot of comment here about money. Your parents might not want to take your money, but I think you need to consider that it does actually cost a bit of money to run a household, even if your parents have paid off their mortgage. Also, parents need their money for their retirement. Your saving shouldn’t eat into someone elses. I think adult children have a duty to contribute, whether you choose to pay the water, portion of the electricity, at least something, and not just the odd bag of stuff from Coles.
Some of my family members have taken money from their adult children for housekeeping but actually put half of it straight into a savings account. It’s a nice gift to leave home with.
Yes, it’s expensive to live in some cities these days and yes, families help each other. I think those who are squealing about how taking money from adult children is appalling should stop and think about how much money your parents actually have and how it stopped being all about you when you turned 18. A contribution is about respect, as someone else has already mentioned. You’re already saving money by not paying rent. Why is it so wrong to ask you to contribute to keeping your home comfortable? Maybe Mum and Dad wouldn’t have to work so hard if there was a bit more cash coming in. Maybe their savings would go further. Maybe they could retire sooner.
When my dad left school and started work, he used to give his wages straight to his mum. She took most of it and gave him some spending money back. That’s how it was in those days and many families couldn’t have survived without that cash.
Really though, for me it comes down to privacy and independence. Who wants to go home with a man and get smuggled up to his bedroom, or see his dad in the bathroom in the morning?!?
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I think it really depends on the situation. I’m 24 and I still live with my parents. My parents, who are quite traditional, do not want me to leave home until I’m at least engaged. Currently I have very average pay (55K per year) and am trying to save up to buy property. Despite living with my parents, I feel that I’m responsible enough to contribute to boarding and bills ever since I started full time work. I pay for petrol, car insurance, internet bill, phone bill and water bill as well as $100 per week boarding. In this case, I feel independent. On the other hand, my partner moved out of home when he was 19 and is managing well. As I said, it depends on the situation.
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I can understand still living with your parents in your 20s if everyone is getting along. I think there are many cases where it isn’t really a financial decision but a decision made for many reasons including not wanting to be alone or wanting to feel part of a family unit. It can be very lonely for some young people to move out of home even if they do move into share accommodation, especially if they are single.
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Yes i have this issue! I feel safe and comforted at home and while living out of home I felt so isolated and lonely! Anyone else experienced this?
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I can understand this, I felt very lonely and homesick when at 24 I moved out of home to another suburb about 35 minutes by car from home. I was sharing with a guy I didn’t know before I moved in and I ended up moving to another house with some girlfriends a few months later.
I was fine after that… I missed seeing my family every day but once I had company and people who I could relate to I was much happier.
If you’re a very close family moving out can be difficult, especially if you’re the first or the last kid to move out… for most though it does need to happen one day and prolonging it doesn’t always help. I’m glad I moved when I did as it made subsequent moves interstate and overseas much easier when they happened.
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A friend and I were having a conversation in our work tea room a few weeks ago about the food our mums cook us for dinner. Older ladies in the tea room decided that our conversation was their business and with a lot of judgement they began to tell us how it is. My friend is a 21 year old male who goes to uni, works part time and still lives with his parents. Similarly, I am a 22 year old uni student who works full time and lives with my parents. We are both from Italian backgrounds, but our families are very much Australian. Our co-workers began to tell us that we will never know how to manage money, never be responsible and how we will never be independent. Ummmm, we are 21 and 22? We were shocked that we were being judged.
They asked whether we gave our parents money and we said no. This made them judge us more. We continued to tell them that our parents wouldn’t accept money from us when sometimes we only work once a week. We said our parents work hard and earn good money that it would be out of their character for them to ask us for money. These ladies told us that their kids moved to England at 18 and own a house at 24 blah blah blah, it was story after story. Which is fantastic for them, but we are studying and our parents love having us at home. Yes we help out, but our mums cook us dinner and wash our clothes. I don’t want to bring it down to culture BUT i do see differences between some australian families and those that are european. It may be pride or their own experiences but our families would never ask us for money or to move out.
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I am 36 and of Italian /oz background and I would judge you too! You are 21 and 22, not 11 and 12! Do your own laundry and cook meals for the family.
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My mum only works two days a week, whereas at the moment I am uni/working 6 days a week. Why should I if my mum is happy to do it. If she wasn’t, of course I would. But everyone in this thread need to realise everyones families are different in cultural, values and financial states. You are just as bad as these ladies who think that what they believe should go. And if I had to pay board and do my own laundry and cooking I would move out.
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This is hilarious. You’d move out if your mother made you do your own laundry and cooking? I can’t believe you actually posted that.
Don’t hide behind culture, either. The way some people are carrying on you’d think European parents have to look after their children until they hit the menopause.
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You are in for a rude shock when you move out. Imagine having to look after yourself and clean up after yourself and pay your own way…
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You have missed the point, I said if my mother wasn’t happy doing it, I would help out, but she is. It has never been an option to sit on our ass and do nothing but if we are studying and working they view that as us putting in. I’ve lived alone for periods of time and do travel a lot so I know how much things cost, I’m not naive. I have friends who live at home, pay $150 a week and do everything themselves yet don’t have the freedom of living by themselves. If i had to pay this much money and do everything myself, i would move out.
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Are you the same Stephanie who just posted about your boyfriends Ango English mum being too lazy to work?
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Wow Stephanie! You say you help out but that your mum does all your laundry and cooking. That you studying and working is seen as contributing? Sure you’re not living in a 5 star hotel?
I wish I was so lucky!
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Let’s remember to keep it civil, please.
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I’m 20, last year of uni and living at home. Once i graduate and get a job, i’m still happy to live at home. why? I plan to move out when I get married. For me it’s a cultural thing. I’m Indian, but in saying that my parents got married at 24 (mum) and 27 (dad), 3 years after they came to Australia and started a family. The point is: I think it’s acceptable in many cultures for children to stay at home until they get married.
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Interesting comments! I think my cut off is 25 – time to stand on your own feet. I moved out at at 18, have rented and am now 24 and own a house. I have sacrificed a lot to do this, it was tough and poverty is not glamorous. SOmetimes I think maybe i should have stayed at home and enjoyed going out and travelling and buying shoes etc. Its a personal decision I guess. I do however notice a difference in maturity among my friendship group – may be an anomoly but there is certainly a difference.
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I agree with a number of comments in that the issue probably becomes contentious because at its heart it’s about money and financial opportunities. If you can live at home while at uni or saving for you own place etc, and you and your family get along, then that seems like a great way to live to me.
I moved out of home when I was 17 so I could go to uni in a capital city. My parents were really struggling financially at that time – they ended up having to sell their house, and they couldn’t financially support me at all other than helping out with the cost of hiring a moving van. I’ve lived in numerous share houses over the years, with individuals from a variety of backgrounds, and it is a great experience which helps you grow a lot as a person. It is also really really tough sometimes – if you’ve ever been at uni full time, working 2 jobs and still struggling to pay the rent, you’ll know what I mean.
There is also a big difference between living independently, and living out of the family home but still allowing your parents to pay your living expenses. It does grate on me sometimes when work or uni friends complain of having no money, when they either live at home or have their parents pay their rent and bills. I’ve been living with my boyfriend for a couple of years now, and our household has had numerous arguments about money (in particular, he accuses me and a friend we live with, who has come from a similar background as me, as being ‘bad with money’ because we’re always at work or uni but have little savings to show for our hard yards) – simply because his parents have paid for his rent, bills and groceries since he moved out of home and started uni (he’s now 25), so it’s hard for him to understand how day-to-day living can be tough for those who have no choice but to do it on their own. In this regard, I feel that having to become independent at a young age (financially at least, my family are very close and were always there for emotional support) makes you come to terms with the ‘real world,’ and makes you appreciate the support of friends and family just that bit more. I am often appalled at how friends who live at home take their parents for granted, or fail to respect the value of the hard-earned rent money mum or dad are sending them.
Recently, my parents have experienced better luck, both have good jobs, and have moved to the same city as me (I’m now 23 and undertaking fulltime postgrad at uni while working 30+ hours a week). They always say how welcome I am to move back in whenever I like, and try to get me to take money for uni books etc.They tend to feel guilty that they couldn’t offer me financial support or a ‘home base’ at times when I was struggling, but the fact is that I have learnt the real value of money, and I know how hard my parents have worked to try and get our family ahead. Looking back, there probably are a few experiences I wish I never had to go through at a young age, but my out-of-home experiences have made me a better person, more sympathetic to the problems (financial or otherwise) of others, and more grateful to my parents for everything they have done or tried to do for me throughout my life.
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I moved out of home when I was 24 and bought my own apartment. I then returned to full time study about 3 1/2 years later and there were times when I thought I was going to have to sell up and move back home to finish my degree because it was so difficult financially. But at the end of the day I got through it and I think being independent has given me a whole new outlook on life. I don’t look at people in their late twenties or early thirties and still living at home and think they are wrong as every situation is different. But I do look at them and think they are missing out on something better. I do wonder how happy they really are and if they aspire to something more.
Freedom is sweet. You don’t realise that until you make the move for the first time, but it is satisfying to stand on your own two feet as a grown up. Grown ups need space to be grown ups and I don’t believe in staying at home just for the sake of it or because you want to keep living an extravagant lifestyle at your parents expense. It is selfish to me – parents are people too and should get to go back to spending some money on themselves and saving for retirement at some point.
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I went out with a man who was still living with his parents at 28. He had degree and a good job. Alarm bells rang at the time but I ignored them. More fool me.
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Ha ha ha… A little too, er, close to his mummy was he Kate?
You can never be with a man who loves his mummy more than you. If he still lives at home after the age of 25 or when he is financially stable there is a good chance he does.
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Agreed Kate. I also made this rookie error – to the younger ladies, beware the man still at home on the other side of 28 or so, especially when he has a job and could pay his own rent. Unless of course his parents are sick and he’s caring for them – but that is the ONLY exception!
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My boyfriend is 27 and lives at home..but helps support his mum & 3 sisters (dad is unreliable and away a lot). He pays half the rent and drives them everywhere etc. But he works full time. Also is into sharing costs when we go out for dinner etc even though I am a uni student and mostly live off Youth Allowance. Acceptable or no?
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What a tight arse! I expect my boyfriend to pay for me just as he expects me to look nice and have a “sweet” demeanour. You are a student with a man who works full time; find someone who will treat you like a lady!
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So when your looks fade or you’re not so sweet to him he can stop paying for everything?
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“I expect my boyfriend to pay for me just as he expects me to look nice and have a “sweet” demeanour.”
Oh my God, I can’t believe some of the things I am reading here today. You’ve got to be joking!
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Well if you eat half the dinner then you should pay for half the dinner. If you can’t afford it go somewhere cheap or have a picnic. It’s not his job to pay for everything for you, he’s your boyfriend.
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I agree with MJ. Fact is Lucy, if you’re in a grown up relationship, you should act like a grown up and pay your way. He already supports 4 other women (won’t start on that), so why should he support you too?
If you cannot pay for yourself or don’t like spending so much, cook a meal at home or find a place with great specials that are within reach. If he insists on going out despite your lack of funds, THEN you can expect him to pay.
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I am 25 and still live at home for a number of reasons. I am starting to look at buying a house (i have pets, theyre coming, dont question that) so I’ll be about 30 when I move out. Sure my parents annoy me at times, and im sure i annoy them. But ‘they want me there, I want me there’ so I dont see why its any one else’s business.
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I’m 20 and I moved out for a year – I moved to England, it was so much fun! I get a little shitty with people getting homesick when they move somewhere in the same city – you’re a drive away, same time zone and everything! I was poor as anything, but it really made me grow up. After that I came back for uni and it has been such a massive adjustment. I love my family but to go from being completely independent to living in the family home again is hard. I contribute to everything (I was shocked at someone below saying their mum still buys their clothes at 20 something…really?!), but it’s still weird having a sit down dinner when I spent a year eating student food on a saggy couch in front of Jeremy Kyle hahaha.
I’m not going to move out until I finish uni, at which point I’ll be 23. There’s no point for me to move out, I live near uni and work, plus I don’t have my licence yet which would make things a bit tricky! I can’t wait to get out and be independent again, I have a much better relationship with my parents when I live out of home! As Mum said ‘We have two adult woman living in this house, there was always going to be fights!’
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I moved out at 22 and my mum tells me (and anyone else listening) that she noticed a considerable difference in the cleanliness in her house – that is, she noticed how much cleaning I actually did around there. She actually hired a cleaner after I left because hers had moved out. lol.
I moved for a couple of reasons – the first being It took me an hour drive to and from work each day and the commute was stressing the hell out of me. The second was that I may just have murdered my parents if I lived with them any longer – I love them both to bits, but they drive me insane if I spend anything longer than a weekend with them.
I was well prepared to rent somewhere cheap and nasty, but I never really felt comfortable with a share house because I have a pretty bad social phobia (which was way worse at 22) and I never felt like I fit in with the early 20s share house set. But after a couple of really dodgy inspections with my Mum she and dad decided to buy an investment property and I could rent that off them. This was also around the time people were outbidding eachother to get a rental in Brisbane as well, so I was having a hard time even finding a rental property.
So technically, I still live at home – my parents support me anyway. But the way we all look at it is… I pay my rent on time, I do maintenance for them on the property, they don’t have to worry about tenants trashing their house, my parents get a great tax write off and their property is gaining value at the same time.
I’m saving for my own house and am very grateful that my parents can help me out like this (plus I’m an only child, so when their old and infirm it’s only me to look after them
)
Basically – it’s what everyone’s been saying – it’s a case by case basis. I think people only get shitty about it if that 20 something is sitting on their arse on their parents couch getting everything done for them. I’d be shitty if a 12 year old was doing that.
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Exactly that last paragraph right there ;D
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I moved out of home at 15, to go be a ballet dancer haha (have even written about it on Mamamia) ….
Try living out of home for two years where you become super independent and used to doing whatever you want… AND THEN moving back home to finish grade 12 and spend the next 4 years living at home whilst studying.
I love my parents but it was a HUGE adjustment.
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I think it’s a complex issue because ‘living at home’ can have so many dimensions. Living with parents but being responsible for housework, cooking, shopping – basically being a responsible adult – seems fair. But people well into their twenties who let mum and dad still do everything for them – surely that’s not healthy or doing them any favours in the long run.
I moved out at 19 because my parents moved away from Sydney; they still paid my rent and bills while I was at uni, and it worked well for all of us. The first time I got a full-time paycheque though, that ride was over!
Everyone has their own situation, but we can’t help measuring up the hand we’ve been dealt and comparing it to other people’s – that’s what makes us human I guess.
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I’m in second year uni, living at home, and I love it. Even if I wanted to move out, there’s no way I could afford it, I’m at uni 5 days a week, so I wouldn’t be able to work enough to support myself. Most of my friends are still at home, it’s really only people from interstate or the country that have moved out into college or sharehouses. I think I’ll be at uni for quite a while, and so I probably won’t move out for ages, which I am completely fine with. Why should I move out when I’m not financially ready, especially if it puts uni grades at risk? I’m happy, comfortable and able to focus on uni, don’t think I should have to struggle to pay rent, work ridiculous hours and let my grades slide if I don’t have to.
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good for you, but i did it working many nights and attending uni 5 days a week, all the whilst my GPA was incredibly high… MANY others i know have done it… it can be done, all without letting your grades slide….
you’re just not WILLING too… as you said in your last para.. hooray for being a child forever.
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I think the ‘living at home’ debate can only be argued on a case-by-case basis.
Living at home because you haven’t matured is one thing. Living at home to do a post-grad, start a business, save for your own home or take care of a sick relative is another.
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