by KATE LEAVER
I’ve missed my chance to be a prodigy. By my 25th birthday in November this year, I’ll enter a new age bracket.
The thing about prodigies is, their achievement has to fill a sentence. I call it The Prodigy Sentence. It must read “Harry had completed a degree in astrophysics by the time he was 19,” or “Charlotte was Managing Director of a PR agency by the time she was 23.”
Indeed, I often think of Mamamia’s Prodigy Sentence! “Mia Freedman was Editor of Cosmopolitan at age 24.” It inspires me and haunts me. It’s such a concise, definitive summary of achievement.
“Kate had dabbled in comedy, had a stint in magazine publishing, accidentally become a finance journalist, dreamed of writing a novel and mostly been quite clumsy about her career… by the time she was 24” doesn’t have quite the same ring.
When I realised Rihanna was younger than me, my world seemed minuscule.
I can’t be sure but I’d hazard a guess that this is a defining Gen Y fear. Gen Y-ers have a reputation for being flighty and selfish in their work ethic. We’re known for being tech-savvy but more arrogant or garish in our work lives than our Gen X and Baby Boomer predecessors. Perhaps our workplace superiors would understand the Gen Y predicament a little better, if they imagined this Prodigy Pressure. We have so many opportunities – so many! More than ever before! The world is our oyster! – that it’s no longer about sensibly choosing one, but sampling and excelling at as many as humanly possible. It’s exhausting.
I’m a fiercely loyal employee, I adore my current job because of the people I work with, and I’m lucky enough to have a genuine mentor looking out for me. I’m busily adding to my artillery of skills, and learning to understand myself more every day. And yet, and yet! There’s a small voice, taunting me – “Why are you taking your sweet time to reach your potential?”
A friend of mine had invented, created and sold a very nifty website to a major media conglomerate for $12 million before he hit 22. He rested five days and moved onto his next wildly successful venture. A dear girlfriend published her first – and wonderfully brave – autobiographical book when she was 18. Other friends have climbed the corporate ladder at lightning speed, stacked up promotions and gleefully finished off their Five Year Plans.
The desire to earn my Prodigy Sentence undermines my self-assurance more often than I’d like to admit. Everyone in the vicinity of my age I’ve discussed this idea with has vigorously agreed that it worries them too. “That feeling of impending failure to be exceptional plagues me all the time!” one girlfriend said to me, wide-eyed. She’s wonderfully talented, and kind, and finding her way in the professional world like the rest of us. But most days, it occurs to her that she’s running out of time to be a prodigy.
It troubles me to think that people my age are desperate to be so successful so soon in an adulthood that stretches before us for decades. It’s a specific strain of anxiety, this profound fear of reaching 24 or 25 without immense success. Do we mean to say that any achievement reached after age 25 is bland, or expected? Are we suggesting that career success is more important than happiness, friendship, love, knowledge and the space to understand ourselves?
How silly! How fickle, to let the absence of extraordinary teenage success get us down.
How woefully self-indulgent, to yearn for prodigy-level status when our own accomplishments are perfectly lovely. How dangerous, to risk missing valuable chances to get to know ourselves because we’re fixated on some arbitrary deadline for youthful success.
I graduated from university in 2010. Even as I wrapped the rabbit fur stole around my academic gown and placed that trencher cap on my hair just so, I was anxious to get out and get achieving. As I crossed the stage to shake hands with a pomp, richly dressed professor, I had this feeling of foreboding, this urge to start my career immediately.
It’s been two years since my graduation ceremony. I don’t know what I want from my career yet. But I do know I value peace, a restless intellect, a relationship with my love-friend and friend-friends, time with my family, steady mental health and kindness above all else.
And I know these years are best spent searching for what I want to do with life.
I’ve recently coined a phrase, used largely in my inner monologue, that grants me some peace and perspective: Adaptable Ambition.
Except for a brief period as a very small person, when I thought vet science exclusively involved cuddling animals, I’ve always know I wanted to be a writer. My dear late Papa taught me to cherish words, to revere the English language and to always be playful with intellect. I want to stay true to that, but otherwise I’m ready to take on whatever comes my way. In my heart of hearts, my truest career goal is creative satisfaction. My ambition is completely flexible, depending mostly on my insistence on being healthy and realistic about what I expect of myself.
I encourage anyone else who has been plagued by Prodigy Pressure to do the same.
Kate is a radio producer, writer and Goon Show enthusiast. You can find her website here, and follow her on Twitter at @Kateileaver.
Have you ever been plagued by Prodigy Pressure?
Do you remember these child stars?

Macaulay Culkin








Comments
145 Comments so far
Goodness, my 20s were devoted to having an awesome time! I do look at the unbelievably dedicated and ambitious 20-somethings running around the office and wonder “where is the fun” (?!). If they could only see me at 25 …
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I’m a solicitor. Mid 20s. Working in a respectable firm. I hate myself every day because I feel like I should be loving this career I wanted since I was a teenager. Now I can’t work out what I’m going to do with my life and it scares the shit out of me.
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Just get out! Most people who know what they want to do with their life at 25 are bored out of their minds by their 40s. Hope it all works out x
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Would you like to be a cardiac nurse? If so, could we life-swap?? Because I really want to be a solicitor!
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Is this feeling people are having a symptom of being constantly told by their parents that they are special? Maybe growing up thinking that they are special puts pressure on them to acheive greatness when they would be far happier growing up thinking they were ordinary.
I have a run of the mill job but could not be happier with my life and at 28 have never felt pressure to be better than I am.
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You’re on to something about the ‘ordinary’ thing, if my aprents and teachers hadn’t gone on about how bright I was and how smart I could be if I gave it my all then I wouldn’t feel like a failure now!
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Totally agree!
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I agree. I think today there is a constant implied pressure to succeed in every way, when this is not always realistic. I sometimes want to go back to age 16 and say to my mother, “don’t tell me I can do anything, be everything, when realistically I can’t. Yes, I can do amazing things, but no, I am not going to a heart surgeon no matter how much I try. That’s life. Instead tell me that life is about choices and sacrifice, because its going to help me a heck of a lot more in the long run!”
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Yeah, not a fan of the “you can do anything you want” school of self-esteem boosting. It fails. I cannot do anything I want, and the realisation hurts when you’ve been told the opposite. For example, I cannot go back to uni and be a doctor, or spend time training for the Olympic marathon. I need to go to work and get money. Realism.
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I railed against that mentality as a teenager and I’m so glad I did.
I’d been fed the ‘you can do anything you put your mind to’ tagline so much by my teachers (but thankfully not from my parents, who were of the much more grounded – just work hard and be happy approach), that I cracked it with my year level co-ordinator in VCE and told him what I really thought of his ‘you need to set a specific ENTER score goal because you should be dux of this school’ speech.
I flatly refused to set a specific goal for him and when he insisted I told him I’d aim for a score of 50 (out of 99.99) which he was furious with. I ended up getting much closer to the 99.99 end of the spectum with the ‘just work hard and be happy with what you get’ approach. In my experience that’s the way to happiness and satisfaction and it’ll be how I raise my kids.
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Wow! Never thought this was a “fear” people had. I understand the whole “getting married and having kids by 30″ fear but 25 is so YOUNG!
I’m 30 now and feel so mature compared to what I was at 25.
It’s not that I was ever imature, it’s just you realise as you get older how you thought you knew everything when in fact you probably knew very little.
I’m guessing this “fear” is associated with high expectations. Spend less time worrying about what you should have done and spend more time living and enjoying the fact that you probably have very little responsibility.
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Oh I feel like this! I turned 24 this year and am struggling with the idea that maybe I am just…ordinary. I am in my first year of my career, don’t own any property and haven’t achieved my dream of writing anything or being properly ‘in a relationship.’
Feeling really depressed now. I never planned to be ordinary.
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Oh Essie, please don’t be upset! I really hope it came across that we shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves. You have so much ahead of you! Don’t be in such a rush to judge yourself, we have so much time. I wish you all the best xx
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Wow. Being a 25 year old Gen Xer was so different. We were still traveling the world, finishing off our uni degrees and getting stoned at 25. Career? What was that? How times have changed.
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Lol, and when my grandfather was 25 he’d been in a full-time job for 7 years, been married for 4 and had 2 children and a house in the suburbs. His friends were all the same.
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Maybe we’ve come full circle!
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I felt like this at 25 or so. At 33 it’s nice not to be close enough to the age to feel the pressure anymore. And much as I didn’t believe it at the time life experience does bring a lot of perspective. Looking forward to getting lots more of it!
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Ok I have just turned 25 this year. Frankly this post has made me feel horrifically sad. I have started a university degree that I didn’t finish, I have just started Uni again this week, I have no house, never started a business or written a biography or really achieved anything of much note. I am a receptionist. I have to say that I really hate the pressure that can come with this attitude that we have to achieve, achieve, achieve and yet I totally feel it all the time. It is horrifying. Really horrifying how much I haven’t achieved at all. Excuse me while I go off and have a cry into my cup of tea…
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It seems you are placing the pressure on yourself, you dont have to have a degree to be happy and a house can come later when you can afford it.
Sometimes you need to be happy with what you have rather than looking at what other people have.
The grass is always greener on the other side.
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Hi Sah, please don’t cry into your tea! What I really wanted to do in writing this, is say we shouldn’t feel sad about the “achieve achieve achieve” mantra. Was kinda hoping we could all make a pact to relax and be happy with what we have? xx
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Sah, I am 25, have three university degrees, and am STILL a receptionist after that *headtodeskbang*
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Oh no, I’m sorry to hear that. I didn’t mean to offend at all and thank you for telling me that because it helps to put things into perspective – one of my friends has a similar problem to you (although he only has 1 degree not your amazing 3) and he’s going to do post graduate studies to get a job. Actually for me even finishing a degree would feel like a huge achievement!
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Finishing a degree IS a huge achievement – I hope you get there Sah, even if it isn’t in quite the way you expected. I don’t regret any of my degrees, even if they are not particularly profitable in themselves. Knowledge and education is never a waste. Do it even just for yourself, if you get the chance.
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The galleries have not been working me for for the last few days…
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Thanks for letting us know
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I just wonder if it’s the Baby Boomer parents’ “fault.”
They had to do without so much – because of financial constraints and because a lot of the opportunities just weren’t there.
And so, are feeling, fiercely, that they don’t want their offspring to ever be in in the same situation. Which is why they are enabling younger people to live at home, rent-free (please don’t attack me over this and say you ARE paying rent etc. I know many of you do.) and everything-else-free “until they get on their feet.”
And so, there’s no pressure from the older members of society put on the children to fend for themselves. The Gen-Yers compete with and try to outdo their peers, all the time having this lovely disposable income with which to buy their own house/s, businesses, etc.
Their parents were damn lucky if they owned their own home when they were at least 45.
If there is pressure, and presumably there is since many have commented here that you do feel it – then the Gen Y-ers are creating their own pressure…
Just a thought.
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I’m not sure about that. My mother has gone on (over and over) about how lending policy was a lot tighter when she was young (war baby) and people had to half a much larger deposit to get approved for a mortgage. They also owned their block outright before they built on it.
A lot of us in our 40s and 50s still have mortgages, yes, but that doesn’t translate to us not putting pressure on gen y kids. We just are aware of the high cost of rent these days.
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Yeah, what .she (Faybian) said
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I’m pretty disappointed that you have only included photos of child stars as a representation of child prodigies. Perhaps this was just because you already had that gallery sitting around from a previous article, if so, fine. But if it was made specifically for this post then you have really missed the point. Entertainment and sport may be the most well known fields to excel in, but they are not the only ones. What about science, mathematics, literature, music (classical, so Britney Spears does not count).
Check this list out for a much more well-rounded representation of child prodigies – you may not easily be able to find nice, glossy photos of them all, but it doesn’t mean they should be ignored: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_child_prodigies
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In regards to your friend, what on earth is an 18 year old doing writing an autobiography?
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I’m assuming the brave aspect mentioned is key – so not your run of the mill 18 year old, and/or not your run of the mill 18 years of experience
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Would have been a really short book.
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I was at Sydney Uni at the same time as Kate. I believe, from memory, it was an autobiography about a young woman’s struggles with an eating disorder. Can’t for the life of me remember the authors name though!
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I feel so comforted to know this is a universal feeling! I am approaching my 25th birthday and have been having such anxiety about not having achieved enough! It is rediculous, because like most gen y – ers I have finished a university degree, owned my own business and own my home, but there is still this inherent pressure to want to achieve more. Oh and don’t mention that you would like to start a family…people look at you like you’re an alien!! “You’re too young, enjoy your life!”
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Anon, I am on the cusp of 25 and you are exactly who i thought I would be. Go you. I am a long way from that level of achievment. A degree, your own business and property – that is a fantastic effort. I havent dont half of this and would think that many 25 year olds would be in the same boat. Take some time to give yourself a pat on the back!
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“Like most gen y’ers I have finished a degree, owned by own business and own my own home” Most Gen Y’ers??? No way! I don’t know ANY Gen Y’s who own their own homes or businesses! Only a few have finished their degrees but many didn’t even go to uni!
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A typical fear from a kid who thinks 40 is ancient.
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Well of course they think that 40 is ancient. They are supposed to think that.
It’s one of those old heads and young shoulders things. Young people are supposed to be idealistic and want to change things, they are supposed to think that they are the greatest and be ambitious. They are supposed to think that us 40 somethings are old fuddy duddies.
I’m comfortable with that, I like being my age because I’m relaxed aabout the things that 20 somethings are getting all hot and bothered about. I can, and do, teach and mentor my kids, their friends and my employees who, in their 20′s, think they know everything. They will be better people for it and when their turn come to rule and change the world, they will do it with compassion, knowledge and effectiveness.
Their time will come, and like every generation they are impatient, and that’s the way it’s supposed to be.
The things they don’t know are the things that only experience teaches. They can’t possibly know these things and thinking 40 is ancient is one of them.
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I totally understand this.
In my case, I feel it slightly differently. A friend of mine has been in her job with the one company for 10 years. 10 YEARS! I haven’t even been working that long. I didn’t spend much time slacking off either, but my work path has been wobbly and winding, and I can’t help but sometimes hear a nagging voice saying “Haven’t you picked a career yet?”
Sometimes I feel enormous pressure to do what you have already done – declare one thing to be my goal, my heart’s desire, the one thing I have ‘always wanted to do’. And I look at my mostly successful but meandering experiences and think, what do these add up to? What does this mean for me?
The way I satisfy this is to remind myself that my ambition is to be a rounded, interesting and happy person, who values all those same things that you do, Kate – peace, a restless intellect, a relationship with my love-friend and friend-friends, time with my family, steady mental health and kindness. And that it is ok not to want a whole heap more than that, just as it is ok if the sum of my achievements is people saying ‘she was a lovely, generous person who I was glad to know’.
That is what I tell myself anyway, to quiet the beast of anxiety (/inadequacy) that rears its ugly head, particularly when faced with prodigies.
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I COMPLETELY have this!
I am 19, a journalism/communications student and feel such pressure to be an entertainment journalist in a city newspaper/own an apartment/have travelled to lots of different countries and lived in NYC or at least had a prolonged visit by the time I am 25!
Marriage and babies can come after that – but damn it I want all that by 25!
Sometimes I feel the pressure is actually making me stressed, thinking about not having all this done by that time – week – typical Gen Y. Help?!
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Try not to feel inadequate, remember that life isn’t a race, or at least if it is, it should be run at your own pace, and with your own markers of success. Is it a case of whoever gets there first wins? Or does it not matter, as long as you get there in the end (or just have such a lovely time that you don’t even finish)?
Work out what matters for you and make sure you achieve that. You cannot tick every box – there isn’t enough time for any one person to have done it all by 25. And what if you did? Then what would you do with the next 60 years?
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“A friend of mine had invented, created and sold a very nifty website to a major media conglomerate for $12 million before he hit 22. A dear girlfriend published her first – and wonderfully brave – autobiographical book when she was 18.”
Really, you know these people or just making it up to illustrate a point? I always read about them in the paper but I certainly don’t know anyone like this. You have to realise that people like this fall into the 0.001% of the population whereas the majority of us just lead “average” moderately successful lives and never develop companies that get sold for millions. I think by setting this as a goal you are setting yourself up for failure and disappointment. If you were a brilliant mind destined to be the next Steve Jobs, chances are, you’d know it by now.
I think it’s far more productive to spend some time working out what we really want from life, while being realistic about our strengths and weaknesses, instead of beating ourselves up because we’re not the next Rihanna.
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Kate went to Sydney University. We breed overachievers like bathrooms breed mould.
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Oh please.
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Oh please indeed! It’s Sydney Uni… not Harvard.
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Another “oh please” from me too. Who are these overachievers? This is the first time I’m hearing Sydney University is the equivalent to Harvard.
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Hi Jess,
I really do know those people! Crazy, huh? Thank you for your kind comment – I very much agree, we need to focus on our strengths and weaknesses and be realistic! : )
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Oh, ferchrissakes!
This must be a typical Gen Y thing…”I want everything. I want it ALL. And I want it NOW, and if it all doesn’t happen by the time I’m twenty-five, well, my life is overrrr!”
Quit wanting what you haven’t got, and start wanting what you have, and let life take you along on this miraculous ride.
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But wasn’t that the point of the post? Be ready to take whatever comes your way? At least, that’s what I took from it.
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Avril, you are so right – that is indeed the point of Kate’s post. This was in no way intended to sling off at Kate.
I was venting because I’ve heard so much along the “I want it all at once otherwise I’m a failure,” recently, and I idly wonder just what these guys intend to DO once they have it all by twenty-five? What’s left to achieve?
Which still sounds as though I’ve missed the point of Kate’s article.
I haven’t I promise you. All power to Kate, and when she gets ALL she wants in life, may she be a totally enriched old lady, having well enjoyed the journey.
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I don’t want it all – but I feel like I’m supposed to!
Where does this pressure come from?
Maybe too many articles celebrating wunderkinds, overnight successes and millionaire 22-year-olds.
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I agree, it’s so silly and immature, it reminds me of toddlers throwing tantrums.
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I had a major breakdown after I had my kids (late 30s) when it suddenly dawned on me that this is how my life has turned out. No more waiting, dreaming and hoping. My life now is what it is going to be. As an overachiever it was hard to accept. Not that my life was bad in any way- quite the contrary, but I was always looking for more, to achieve more, to do better.
It was all part of post natal depression too, btw but that is another story.
Once I accepted that this is the life I am going to have I felt a weight of expectations lifted off my shoulders and I have never been happier.
If you dont get to this point of acceptance at some stage it can be very difficult to get through life’s inevitable ups and downs.
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So lovely to know you are not the only one out there thinking the same things… I have a group of school friends and every year it seems to be “oh we’re 5years out of school, what have we done, what have they done” etc etc. But as Kate says, we have so much time in front of us, there really is no need to rush, we can all achieve and become our own prodigy’s!
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i will be 18 in a month and “prodigy pressure” is the story of my life. with the number of people my age becoming amazing artists/photographers/writers/intellectuals (eg. hellooo Tavi Gevinson), the pressure to do incredible things – and do them young – is constant. i’m so glad someone else feels this way…
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Its funny while I was training to be a dancer we kept getting told that achievement sooner was the best which in an industry that relies heavily on youth and stamina this makes sense. I am now a singer/ actor I dance if they make me who is working as a waiter and studying a dip ed. I’m 38 and I have to constantly remind myself that my life still lies before me. On a slightly different topic I am SSSOOOOOOOO tired of these talent shows getting the youngest kids and pushing the into careers that seemed destined for burnout. I hate the the phrase ‘ you know she is only 14 but has the voice of a 30 yr old african American ‘ well I’m sorry but why isn’t it good enough to listen to a 30 yr old black woman instead of a 14 yr old kid?
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In my opinion, peaking early is boring. If you make $12 million by the time you’re 22.. where to from there? and the pressure..
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Intellectually I know this to be true, but it is so celebrated in our culture that emotionally I can still sometimes feel hopelessly inadequate just having a regular life.
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oh this is such an upsetting post…
the easiest way to be completely miserable in life is to compare yourself to other people.
the other very easy way to be completely miserable in life is to place enormous pressure on yourself.
‘to be successful’… what a terrible goal to have in life… I’m sure I read an article about this somewhere recently where it was termed ”free floating ambition’. you know you want to be special but lack specific passion…
actually… this article is like a blueprint for how to buy into myths that are going to make you very unhappy.
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I really enjoyed this article. What fantastic writing, and interesting ideas….. More from this Kate, please
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Thank you, Fiona!! x
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It’s my quarter century this year. Minor freak out occurred when I realised that I had started, but not finished, two degrees and was no closer to being the corporate dynamo that I had always imagined myself to be.
So I decided to finish by business degree (hello mid-20′s student) while my partner is working overseas.
I might not have had it all by 25, but I’m pretty sure 30 is looking good…
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I too had a mini crisis at 25 and enrolled in uni to begin a teaching degree.
I am almost 26 and I am excited about where I’ll be at 30.
It’s funny how I look around sometimes and think that I’m so much more mature than these 18 year old students.. Then I think.. Far out, I graduated highschool EIGHT YEARS AGO! Surely I’m not that old!
where did the time fly?
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I had a good old crisis when I turned 25. In my mind I hadn’t achieved anything and as I wailed to my mother I was now too old to go on the Young Endeavour (did you want to, she asked curiously given this was the first time it had been mentioned). After a few days of loathing and pity I suddenly realised that I had an awesome life and I didn’t want to change anything.
I think my Dad put it best. Those early years of your career are about gaining the experiences that will let you have a fantastic career later on. A diverse skill set, a range of experience and you have options. Those who have clung to a ladder, even going up it can find they have a very narrow base from which to operate.
I’m in my 30′s now, and have amassed a set of experiences that will set me up for jobs and roles I couldn’t have imagined at 25. I know that my achievements will be long term ones, and I’m ok with that. The key is about being ok with yourself.
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hahaha…I felt the same about the Young Endeavour and likewise had no real desire to go. I thought it was just me. Thanks – you have made me feel a little less crazy today!
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This is brilliant!
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I’m planning on achieving in old age. That way I’ll always have something to look forward to!
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I have never understood the need to achieve certain things by a certain age. Life is a marathon not sprit, slow down and enjoy the ride, it ends sooner than any of us would like.
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