by KATE LEAVER
I’ve missed my chance to be a prodigy. By my 25th birthday in November this year, I’ll enter a new age bracket.
The thing about prodigies is, their achievement has to fill a sentence. I call it The Prodigy Sentence. It must read “Harry had completed a degree in astrophysics by the time he was 19,” or “Charlotte was Managing Director of a PR agency by the time she was 23.”
Indeed, I often think of Mamamia’s Prodigy Sentence! “Mia Freedman was Editor of Cosmopolitan at age 24.” It inspires me and haunts me. It’s such a concise, definitive summary of achievement.
“Kate had dabbled in comedy, had a stint in magazine publishing, accidentally become a finance journalist, dreamed of writing a novel and mostly been quite clumsy about her career… by the time she was 24” doesn’t have quite the same ring.
When I realised Rihanna was younger than me, my world seemed minuscule.
I can’t be sure but I’d hazard a guess that this is a defining Gen Y fear. Gen Y-ers have a reputation for being flighty and selfish in their work ethic. We’re known for being tech-savvy but more arrogant or garish in our work lives than our Gen X and Baby Boomer predecessors. Perhaps our workplace superiors would understand the Gen Y predicament a little better, if they imagined this Prodigy Pressure. We have so many opportunities – so many! More than ever before! The world is our oyster! – that it’s no longer about sensibly choosing one, but sampling and excelling at as many as humanly possible. It’s exhausting.
I’m a fiercely loyal employee, I adore my current job because of the people I work with, and I’m lucky enough to have a genuine mentor looking out for me. I’m busily adding to my artillery of skills, and learning to understand myself more every day. And yet, and yet! There’s a small voice, taunting me – “Why are you taking your sweet time to reach your potential?”
A friend of mine had invented, created and sold a very nifty website to a major media conglomerate for $12 million before he hit 22. He rested five days and moved onto his next wildly successful venture. A dear girlfriend published her first – and wonderfully brave – autobiographical book when she was 18. Other friends have climbed the corporate ladder at lightning speed, stacked up promotions and gleefully finished off their Five Year Plans.
The desire to earn my Prodigy Sentence undermines my self-assurance more often than I’d like to admit. Everyone in the vicinity of my age I’ve discussed this idea with has vigorously agreed that it worries them too. “That feeling of impending failure to be exceptional plagues me all the time!” one girlfriend said to me, wide-eyed. She’s wonderfully talented, and kind, and finding her way in the professional world like the rest of us. But most days, it occurs to her that she’s running out of time to be a prodigy.
It troubles me to think that people my age are desperate to be so successful so soon in an adulthood that stretches before us for decades. It’s a specific strain of anxiety, this profound fear of reaching 24 or 25 without immense success. Do we mean to say that any achievement reached after age 25 is bland, or expected? Are we suggesting that career success is more important than happiness, friendship, love, knowledge and the space to understand ourselves?
How silly! How fickle, to let the absence of extraordinary teenage success get us down.
How woefully self-indulgent, to yearn for prodigy-level status when our own accomplishments are perfectly lovely. How dangerous, to risk missing valuable chances to get to know ourselves because we’re fixated on some arbitrary deadline for youthful success.
I graduated from university in 2010. Even as I wrapped the rabbit fur stole around my academic gown and placed that trencher cap on my hair just so, I was anxious to get out and get achieving. As I crossed the stage to shake hands with a pomp, richly dressed professor, I had this feeling of foreboding, this urge to start my career immediately.
It’s been two years since my graduation ceremony. I don’t know what I want from my career yet. But I do know I value peace, a restless intellect, a relationship with my love-friend and friend-friends, time with my family, steady mental health and kindness above all else.
And I know these years are best spent searching for what I want to do with life.
I’ve recently coined a phrase, used largely in my inner monologue, that grants me some peace and perspective: Adaptable Ambition.
Except for a brief period as a very small person, when I thought vet science exclusively involved cuddling animals, I’ve always know I wanted to be a writer. My dear late Papa taught me to cherish words, to revere the English language and to always be playful with intellect. I want to stay true to that, but otherwise I’m ready to take on whatever comes my way. In my heart of hearts, my truest career goal is creative satisfaction. My ambition is completely flexible, depending mostly on my insistence on being healthy and realistic about what I expect of myself.
I encourage anyone else who has been plagued by Prodigy Pressure to do the same.
Kate is a radio producer, writer and Goon Show enthusiast. You can find her website here, and follow her on Twitter at @Kateileaver.
Have you ever been plagued by Prodigy Pressure?
Do you remember these child stars?

Macaulay Culkin








Comments
145 Comments so far
I remember having the exact same freak out when I turned 25. Good times.
The best bit about my late 20s was letting go of all the insecurities that plagued me in my teens and early 20s. Sounds like you are doing the same!
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Your life is only just beginning. As you live and mature, you will come to understand that the greatest achievements are not those that impress other people, but those that let you sit back, look around, and feel that you are right where you should be, doing something that makes you happy and fulfilled.
If you are not happy and fulfilled, by all means do not be scared to move on. But don’t feel unsettled just because you’re comparing your achievements to those of other people, because what you do not realise as readily is they also have doubts and fears, and problems, and often question their self-worth and achievements.
I suggest you grab a glass of your favourite wine, sit back and listen to the Sunscreen Song, slowly. As someone nearly twice your age I can tell you that it is probably the most accurate advice that anyone can dispense about the concerns you raise. As it says:
Remember that the race is long and, in the end, it’s only with yourself.
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OMG!! What!!! At 25 I had 2 kids, a minimum wage job and a school leavers certificate. THAT’S what a failure looks like. GET A GRIP GIRLFRIEND!!!
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I totally relate to this, and so many of the stories posted in the comments.
I will turn 26 in 3 months… and I haven’t really achieved anything. Well, anything that anyone would recognise.
I had a serious breakdown when I was just 18, and lost the following 6 years of my life to seriously mental health problems. Somehow I did manage to get married during that time, and I do have a mortgage (although that came from my husband previously owning a home, so I don’t feel like that’s my achievement at all).
I started to really “beat it” at the beginning of this year, and now I can live a mostly “normal” life. We’ve started a business just this year, but again, that has more to do with my husband’s amazing talent and me just supporting him, so I don’t really feel like that’s my achievement either.
But other than beating crippling mental illness, I myself haven’t really done anything. (It is different for me to say that than for someone else who has at least finished uni, or worked or something, but I was literally in limbo, living like a drugged-up zombie for 6 years)
I keep getting told that what I’ve overcome is huge, and it is a very noteworthy achievement – but only by people who know. For the rest of the world, unless I did write a book about it or something, it’s not an achievement at all. My inner dialogue seems to agree more with the greater world than my close friends.
It’s all part of growing up though, I think. It’s easy for older people to turn around and say “oh you bunch of silly CHILDREN”… but you were probably exactly the same when you were our age. It might not have been centred around achievement, but I bet you were measuring other areas of your life against the expectations you perceived from the world and your peers. (some of you may still be doing it, and in that case, people in glass houses etc)
Something I am in the process of learning – the only measure you should use to judge your achievements comes from yourself. How much effort have you applied, what have you overcome in order to achieve, and what have you achieved previously. It’s not an easy thing to do, but I’m learning
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OMG! Amazing article. Totally right on so many levels. Myself and my friends feel the exact same way. At 24 I’m definitely not where I thought I would be both professionally and personally. Lots of pressure from media, friends and family. It’s the world we live in and definitely a Gen-Y problem. E
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Hi Kate,
Haven’t seen you in a few years, but pretty sure I walked past you today when we were both out for a walk. As we passed I smiled goofily, but what I meant to do was stop and say “Hey, loved what you wrote on Mamamia! You were totally spot on!”.
Glad you’re well and still writing, can’t believe it has been three years since we graduated that day. No prodigies in my circle of friends in that time, but I feel the pressure all the same
Wishing you all the best! xo
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oh f**k I feel old. I’m so far away from 25 it isn’t funny.
hopefully, life is long for you. enjoy what unfolds. In the blink of an eye you’ll be an old fart like me….and what seems crushingly important at 25 just really isn’t…
Enjoy what unfolds.
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There’s so much ahead of you, just because someone has success at 25 or earlier doesn’t mean the rest of their life will be clear sailing. There are so many ups and downs in life .Also your priorites continue to change.
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I am 25 this year.
The one thing I have found out is that every year your older it is a luxury.
It does not matter what your doing or how well you are doing compared to your friends as long as your happy its all that matters. If your not happy you are the only person that can change it.
I was diagnosed with breast cancer last year after a right mastectomy, chemo and radiation I am thankful for every day even if im stuck at my retail job with no uni degree no business, husband, kids or house or whatever people see as success every day is what you make it. Sometimes you just have to see beyond the normal ideas of success and be proud of everything you have done.
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Get a grip, Kate.
Being so afraid of mediocracy will ensure that’s exactly what you’ll become. Why are you insecure? I too have a photo in that very same quad (we had the good manners to stay off the grass). I too had an accelerated career path. I learnt over time, especially after my first born, that unless you are Mother Teresa, never make the mistake of thinking what you do is actually important or that it defines you or makes you any more interesting than the check out chick at the local store. It doesn’t as is evident in your post.
I have done some very interesting work. You get far more satisfaction watching your kid tie their shoelaces for the first time. Trust me.
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Bit of a harsh comment don’t ya think?! Plenty of women get great satisfaction from their work!
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Yes, and grass is made to be walked on!
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Brilliant brilliant article Kate! I feel as if I could’ve written it word for word. I am a couple of years younger than you but feel the same pressure to achieve achieve achieve. The fear that I am getting older and losing the opportunity to be incredible. I compare myself to Beyonce, Rihanna, Lady Gaga and their phenomenal success at such a young age. Like you, writing has always been my strength. However I have no idea what my dream career is nor do I have a 5 year plan (or even a 5 week plan). I feel as if my whole childhood and school years I was encouraged to believe that i could do ANYTHING, be ANYTHING and I should strive to be incredible. This is great but not super realistic and puts a lot of pressure on young people to know exactly what they want to do and then achieve it. You are so right though. Family, friends, love & good health are what’s most important. I don’t want to sacrifice all that just to be seen as successful. However I do want to make a difference and be significant.
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Whoa, chill out Gen Y. Life’s not a competition against your friends.
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I’m really grateful for this article and everyone’s input with their own stories, against the backdrop of all the Olympic theme of apparent disappointment and failure – it’s really given me some perspective on what we’re all doing to ourselves.
I’ve decided to get off the mental treadmill for a while, take a bit of time out from focusing on achievements and ask myself why/if these goals are so important to me. Please join me in doing this if you feel so inclined
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Prodigies usually burn out.
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Absolutely spot on! They do burn out – and many, sadly, never really take time to appreciate their success or achievements it’s just “Well, that’s done, on to the next thing.”
What I have learnt in life is that prodigy-style success comes with a price. The bigger the success, the bigger the price. Many many people who achieve that level of success are not particularly happy a lot of the time, simply addicted to their work. And their level of success will often leave little time for family, friends, relaxation or even having an identity that is apart from their achievements.
This obviously isnt the case for every single successful person, but amongst the ones I have known, there is a bit of a pattern there.
What I have learnt is that success and happiness aren’t the same thing. One may result in another, but it is by no means guaranteed. So find what makes you happy. Happy wins. Every time.
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To Kate, you are definitely not any kind of failure. You have achieved so much and frankly in my opinion you seem to have a great life :0). Thank you very much for the encouraging comment. This topic has been plaguing me and some of my friends for a number of years – so it’s a tough subject. What I find so difficult is that I still have this belief that I have failed simply because I haven’t finished a degree or that I even have a reasonable job. I agree, and I feel like the culture nowadays is that we are expected to be exceptional from day dot and even though our parents may not push that message onto us, the media and the school have at least to some extent have done so. It’s not realistic but it’s so easy to buy into it.
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I feel exactly the same. I finished my psych degree last year, hoping to work in community services with children. As this industry is slowly dying in Adelaide thanks to the lack of funding from Government, upon completing my degree, I lost my job working at a fabulous children’s charity as they could not afford to keep me on, and this year I have sat in an office doing filing in an industry I have no interest in. I have planned to go back to uni next next but I can definitely say that 2012 has been crap, and this is due to the fact that this is not the way I imagined my life going after Uni. I watch my friends sky rocket in their careers and as much as I love them and I’m proud of them, I quietly despise them for doing so well so young! But I’m sure I will get there one day!
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Over time Kate, I have learned to make the distinction between expectations and aspirations. Expectations can weigh me down while aspirations help me to soar high.
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If you’ve done everything by 25 what are you going to do for the next 60 years?
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You’ll also want to read: http://www.quora.com/Psychology/How-can-I-overcome-envy-of-people-who-are-my-age-but-are-far-more-successful-than-I-am
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You don’t want to peak too early. No one remembers who has head of the school in year 6. If you were and you put that on your resume, you’re a loser!!
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Ad for Big W kept popping up in front of the article
Not fun.
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it has been 14 years since my graduation and i’m still not sure what i want from my career either!
there have always been whiz kids and super stars – if everyone was a prodigy then no one would be. It’s also easy to look at everyone else, especially when everyone’s projecting a fabulous successful facade in their mid-20s, and assume they’re much more fabulous and successful than perhaps they are or feel.
Adaptability and flexibility sound like key attributes for continuing to set and meet goals (even if they’re sometimes vague and accidental).
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What a load of rubbish – who sat down and wrote a list determining what every person has to achieve by 25? Not everyone can be a ‘prodigy’. Most of us will be completely ordinary in our steady, ordinary jobs with our ‘boring’ lives and middle class income. Is that not good enough these days? I think this comes from the self esteem phenomenom where too many of us have been praised for participation, not achievement, leading to an over inflated ego and a desire to have it all now because we are told that we deserve it.
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Great point, these prodigy types are so rare that most of us will never meet one in our entire lifetime let alone become one, so what is making some people think that they will be that one in a million?
Another contributing factor could be this whole culture we have where we are telling kids that they can be anything they want to be if they set their mind to it. How often do we hear that these days and it’s simply not true. There is no way in the world I can become an Olympic gymnast no matter how much I set my mind to it. This is just one example that comes to mind but I’m sure there are hundreds I could think of.
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All I can say to this is…what would you say to your child(ren) who faced this dilemma of their own devices?
You would (hopefully) say something along the lines of ‘honey, you’re a beautiful person and your time will come when you’re ready’.
Without wanting to sound all woowoo, remember that you need to love, nourish and guide your own inner child. Xx
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OMG Kate, we are soul mates. You have voiced all of my inner fears concisely. Am I doomed to failure???
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Me three!
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Hi Alexandra! Haha soul buddies!
I’m relieved people can relate to my fears – but I also hope you got that I was saying let’s be happy with what we have & what we achieve & find happiness in being ourselves…. So not doomed to failure at all! Just perhaps eager to re-evaluate what success is…? Eeep! Hope so xx
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I’m 16. The only achievement I have to my name is that I’ve recently lost 13 kg.
My friends, though, are in a different category:
Ming – placed in every single swimming event she competed in last month. In Malaysia. Representing the country.
Zara – is training to compete in the 2014 Winter Olympics in figure skating, and this year competed in Four Continents, one of the biggest competitions in the sport.
Dani – competed in the doubles in the Australian Open this year.
Maya – has moved from Australia to America, taken all AP classes and gone on a two-month exchange to France and Eastern Europe. In the last year.
Ann – won a Latin reading and speaking competition.
Bella – is on XFactor this year, and has a pretty amazing chance of winning.
I may only be 16, but I know how it is.
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Yes, you are right, you’re only 16.
This is not representative of the population of 16 year olds. I suspect you go to a private school, where a greater than average amount of the student population is high achieving, partly because of the school and partly because of their family.
If you have lost the weight you wanted, well done you. A lot of adults struggle with self control and are unable to achieve that. Just make sure, you stick to a healthy weight (that’s the hard part)/
At 16, my 2 oldest kids were in year 11 and had part time jobs, with one playing soccer for fun and the other dancing for fun. All their friends were pretty much the same. I, myself, got asked to leave my school at your age, for constant misbehaviour. I’m well behaved now.
Please don’t compare yourself to only the friends that are unusually high achieving.
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I’d say you could add “choosing excellent screen names” to your list of achievements – Fire Pixie!
I’m sad you feel overwhelmed at just 16, but it also gives you plenty of time to realise that you don’t need to rush the process of finding out about yourself… You have got so much time! Please don’t try to measure yourself against your friends – it’s not helpful. It’s natural, but it’s not a happy process. Find what you love and what you’re good at : )
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I hear you, Kate! Oh Lordy, I hear you.
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Wow, great article. It definitely struck a cord with me. I’m 26, am happily married, have traveled extensively, just bought a great home and am lucky enough to work in my chosen field…but just because I haven’t achieved anything “extraordinary”, I feel the pressure to start my own business or go back to uni and get a PhD or something!! I feel so silly sometimes and have to try and remind myself to have some perspective! :/
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Just a question, what’s the name of the book your friend published at 18? I’d be interested to read it
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The book is called “Biting Anorexia” and it’s by Lucy Howard Taylor – it’s a very special book. I hope you enjoy it : )
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I thought so!!
I met her a couple of years ago at school
My head of year, Ms Bosch, invited her to talk to us after the International Women’s Day school conference thing was cancelled
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Oh I knew that! Ms Bosch was my year 6 teacher, we were her first class in Australia. She’s a very special woman, that one.
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I completed my media degree by distance while working full time at the age of 20. I was editor of a country newspaper by 22 but in June this year, when I turned 25, I quit.
I felt like I didn’t have the chance to enjoy my early 20s because I was so busy establishing myself in the workforce. So now I’m travelling around Australia with my partner of three years. I’ve saved enough money that I don’t need to work for awhile, and I’m happier now than I ever have been.
It might be hard getting back in to the media industry, but hey, I’ll worry about that later
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I’m glad that amid all my other fears and insecurities, at least I don’t have THIS ONE too! If I’m happy with what I’m doing day to day, then I’m happy.
I remember reading a Buddhist tenet that if you want to change the world into a more positive place, you first need to change yourself. I figure if I cultivate those positive feelings and go out and spread them, I’m achieving something pretty important.
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My two cents: I really don’t think we should all be comparing ourselves to determine our worth and value as people. I’m 28 and much happier than I was even a few short years ago at 25. On paper, I don’t look that successful (don’t own property or much furniture or even a car and I live with my in-laws) but I’m with a man who makes me very happy, I’m growing more and more confident in my professional skills and I’m working towards a degree in my chosen field. I’m a good person and I’m getting there.
There is nothing wrong with taking your time. If you get to the top in no time at all, what are you going to do once you get there?
I appreciate how people might feel about wanting to be a prodigy, but this is not a commonplace label. Prodigies are people like Mozart, who will be remembered for all time for his achievements, not someone who started a business by 21 or graduated uni at 19. Lots of people can do that.
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More than once have I marvelled at the achievements of the Olympians we’re currently watching on TV. Who are under 18.
Yes that’s all they’ve ever known, yes I’ve travelled the world and had a career – but will I ever be an Olympian? Big fat no.
But we are all accomplishing our own little prodigy moments – mine is having Melbourne shuffled across 4 continents. Yeah.
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Having recently graduated from uni, I’ve been plagued by the employment pressure. Never hoped to be a prodigy. Just finding a stable job in the field of my study is hard enough as it is.
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I imagine that constantly comparing yourself to, and competing with others, and focusing more on the timeline than the achievement itself, would ultimately result in a very hollow victory.
Some artworks and novels take years, some are knocked out in hours or days. Does this ultimately impact on the way their success is quantified? Some people don’t discover their true vocation until their 30s, 40s or beyond – is it because they’re less focused or ambitious? Are their achievements any less meaningful?
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Kate, I was one of those people that graduated uni at 19. You know where it got me? Over four years of working in call centres. In the media industry at least, work and life experience are far more important than being a gifted student, I’ve found. I’m back doing PhD now but I’ve long since learned that it’s the experience of learning that’s important, not how quickly you can knock out a degree. And guess what – you’re a woman under 25 working in radio. That’s kind of a prodigy sentence in itself.
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Wow, me too Meghan! Graduated uni at 19 … spent the next 4 years working in customer service and farming! Don’t regret it though
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It’s been a while since I was 25yrs and at the time, I thought I knew everything……I didn’t – I definitely know that now.
I’d married by the time I was 19yrs, had a baby and was facing a divorce by the time I was 25yrs – all because I THOUGHT I knew what I was doing, ‘knew all about life, knew how to manage a difficult marriage.
I managed the whole divorce without a lawyer (saved lots of money by doing that) and was granted custody of my child thankfully.
Yes, I look back on that time with amazement that I got through it all, got an education and preserved my stable peace of mind……..I remarried very happily, had another child and we have wonderful family & friends to help share our life.
At 25yrs of age I knew astoundingly little – it’s a wonder things turned out so well…..lol.
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I’m a cadet journalist and I’m feeling seriously pressured at the age of 19 to be incredibly successful in the not-too-distant future.
Kate, by the time I’m your age I would love to be where you are in the media industry!
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Kate, judging by your brief bio on Twitter – you are a success. As a young person in the media industry I know how hard it is to get a job – there just aren’t many on offer – and from the looks of things, you’ve got at least two different ones. That’s more than I can say for my friends who spend years studying and volunteering in community media to earn their stripes only to be disappointed when jobs come up and they don’t get them because hundreds of other people have also applied. Maybe you need to lower the bar a bit, because from where I’m sitting you’re looking pretty successful and I know a lot of people who’d be very jealous of your achievements and career.
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My mother is a very successful woman. She is an academic and is highly skilled and specialised in her area of arts and entertainment management. She has an undergrad, an honours degree, a masters degree and a pHD, not to mention several graduate diplomas. She has written several books that have been translated into many different languages. She is invited to speak at conferences all over the world several times a year. She has recently been promoted from senior lecturer to Chairman of the Board in her area at an established Melbourne University.
Anyway to get to my point….What was my mother doing at the age of 25? Was she starting her first business? Already finished her pHD? Finishing writing her first book? Nope, she was working as a waitress for that entire year! Mum went and lived and studied in Germany and finshed uni at about 24. When she came back to Australia she couldn’t find a job ANYWHERE so worked as a waitress for a year (at this stage she’d never had anything other than a part time job as she’d always been a student). When she finally did find a job at 26 it was doing HR for a small company for a boss that underpaid her and sexually harrassed her. She stopped working in her early thirties to have children and only did a little bit of casual work here and there. At 40 she decided on a change of career and became an academic. Even at 40 when re-entering the work force she started off as a casual! She worked her way up and eventually became the success she is today.
Anyway the point of my story is: not everyone is a prodigy and not everyone is super successful very young. A lot of people take WAY longer to hit their stride and many people are late bloomers! I can relate to this article in taht I’m 28 and maybe a typical Gen Y that often worries that I haven’t achieved enough in my life. However, I think of all the stories of some of the successful people I know (especially my Mum) that hit their stride much later in life and realise that I”m not doing too badly. I think we can put so much pressure to achieve much at such a young age, and 25 really is so young in the scheme of things.
I also try to put things into perspective. I know this sounds cliche but I try to think of all the opportunties and options in my life as a good thing. Many people in many parts of the world would love to simply have running water, enough food and a roof over their heads. I work with migrants, some of whom are refugees, and when I hear their stories I feel so lucky for the amount of privilege and opportunities I’ve had in my life.
Please try to enjoy yourself…life is short and you are still so young! xx
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Wow, that’s so inspiring! Thank you for sharing that! Xx
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Anna l – no problem! I shared it to tell a story as proof that not all successful people become so super young. Some people are very successful very young and others take a LONG time to hit their stride but when they do it’s all worth it! Life’s not a big rush and you don’t have to achieve everything before a particular age. Enjoy your youth, don’t spend it worrying about what you don’t have and haven’t done!
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Thank you Anna84 for sharing your Mum’s story, she sounds amazing! I want to meet her! Some of us are just ‘late bloomers’ and that is totally fine. A lot of my friends Mum’s went to uni in their 40s after raising their kids and are super happy. Life is not a race!
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Kate,
This really relates to what I’ve been mulling over this week (and I imagine that subconsciously, for much longer). I feel that there is this pressure to get heaps out of my twenties – for them to be amazing and to embrace the freedom and opportunity which they stereotypically entail.
I know I’m pretty ambitious but I don’t really know where exactly I want to focus my drive and ambition. Yes, I’m still working on that ‘getting-my-shit-together’ thing! But now I’m trying to be more trusting of myself and my instinct to naturally draw me to things I genuinely enjoy doing.
In the meantime, I’m trying to convince myself to not worry about the fact that I am going to graduate when I’m 24 (in the same quad as you, as it so happens). I’ll finish with a double degree but a part of me still worries that I will be eating into ‘precious time’ of my twenties.
I’m trying to remind myself of my 60yo boss’ advice, that I should embrace my studies and the carefree student lifestyle which accompany them because I won’t ever be able to study with so few other commitments. What’s more, I’ll have the rest of my life to work.
I’m still working on really feeling peaceful with it..
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I feel the same as you Alex! It is as if you’re in my head ! haha. I also go to Sydney Uni.
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kate i completley understand how you feel!
and its worse than just the pressure to achieve right out of uni, now its DURING uni you’re supposed to be all set up for a career.
i just got home from class at macquarie, i met 2 young students. one is completing a year-long paid internship for microsoft, with very good prospects at being hired when he graduates, the other is a young sydney girl who casually speaks fluent japanese, and works full time at a japanese bank who pay for her to get a buisness degree in the evenings.
and here i am plodding through a media degree, working at subway, all of 20 years old and already feeling like a total failure!
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Oh God yes! I’m turning 24 in a couple of months and I think about this daily. I’m still at uni, working full time in retail (for the money), don’t have my drivers licence (yet) and don’t have a boyfriend. Just today, I actually stopped myself and told myself to focus on the things I have done –
- I’ve travelled to Europe
- Earned a black belt in karate
- I have a Bachelor degree
- I’ll have a Masters degree in something I love in about 16 months.
I honestly think the pressure to succeed made me make a not that well thought out decision about what to study first time around. At times it was also paralysing in a way – don’t know how to explain it. Once I got a bit older, I took a step back, thought about my strengths and priorities are, and ended up starting a Masters in what I should have done all along.
I think we’ll all look back in ten years and wonder “why the rush”?
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Love your last line. I think that’s so so true.
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“why the rush”
Maybe it’s because we feel like we have to be the best at such a young age… Or maybe that’s me!!
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Jazz i can relate to your comment all to well! (really need to get my license! eek)
I’m 23 and though i work full time in the area that i studied in and love, i find myself more than often thinking about what i dont have.
It was only after my somewhat obvious realisation talking with friends that ‘hey im 23 i have the rest of my life to figure/freak stuff out, and i should be soo happy and excited by what i have achieved, the amazing places that i’ve visited and all the experiences that make up me good and bad ‘.
So that is my mantra when i feel like freaking out!! or chocolate..
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What a fantastic post, and so incredibly timely for me. I am turning 25 later this year and have spent the last 2-3 years feeling down about everything i havent yet achieved. There seems to be such a pressure to tick boxes. I am not yet in the job i thought I’d be in; i haven’t travelled as extensively as i would have liked; i have never had a serious, meet-the-parents boyfriend; i have no assets and a credit card debt. I have spent alot of time fretting about this – the concern has underpinned the last few years of my life. Recently though, im starting to realise that i need to celebrate what i have done – I am in an industry i am passionate about and gaining experience that will lead to the job i want; i have travelled to Europe, the uk and Asia; I have dated a few different men and discovered what i want in a partner; and i have enough money to live a very full life. I am also surrounded by a loving family and an amazing group of friends.
Its so easy to get caught up in craving a sense of establishment that i have forgotten to take the time to enjoy what is happening right now. The feeling of having something to prove is only coming from myself.
How nice to know that I am far from alone in this. Great post. And way cheaper than therapy!
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Hi Stevie, I am so pleased it helped! And relieved other people feel the same way. Thank you for your lovely comment KL
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I’m exactly the same. I am turning 25 next year and I feel like I’ve done nothing. I know it sounds silly, I just purchased my first property but to me, it’s just a commitment. I don’t feel like I’ve achieved something, it’s more I had to do something with my money otherwise I’d waste it.
Ever since I was 20 I have been putting off around the world travel because something happens every year ie new job, boyfriend… I think this year, right now I am single and well I want to do something for me. I’m sick of everyone saying, relax you are so young because really I’m not. Time is moving much more faster as you get older and there is so much to do.
Okay I think I’ve blabbed enough on this subject
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This attitude is very relevant to 2012 and our generations… Gen x and y. the good news is, people do evolve and my girls (according to futurists ) will grow up with a very different approach to life and self worth. You see, kids growing up now will live in a world where its not uncommon to spend a lifetime studying – university and education itself will be structured very differently with people returning often . There will be a completely different attitude to education – mainly that no one expects to know what they want to ‘be’ by a certain age because life is about ‘being’ many different things.
The life expectancy will be so much greater that 25 will seem like a piss in the ocean. We can thank the baby boomers for having us believe that we need to be prodigies in our backyards. Just try and think outside the square a little. If twenty five is ‘past it’ I must be a dinosaur at 36 (and i will give you a hot tip… I don’t feel like that at all!!)
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Kate, please just settle down.`
You’ve been out of University for 2 years, what you need to learn to get to the top of the tree hasn’t even entered your head yet.
You’ll reach you prime in your 40′s. That’s when Physically, Intellectually and emotionally you’ll be best equipped to get to the top of the tree. Don’t worry about other who’s star has been glowing in their early 20′s, for all you know they are a supernova and the fire will dim before they hit 30.
Just relax, take it easy, there’s so much you have to know.
You’ll get there, and you’ll do well in the process. The journey will be facinating and of much more value than you can ever imagine.
Good luck to you, and don’t forget to write a blog about your journey in a mere 20 years when you are really at the top of your game.
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HI Seaghan, thank you for your message – I am trying to settle down! In fact, writing this article has really been part of my settling down & knowing I have so much time. Thank you : )
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Anyone “suffering” from prodigy pressure obviously has an inflated sense of self-worth and too much time on their hands!! Instead of spending so much time navel gazing go and do something community minded. Volunteering is sure to help cure your problems!
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I agree… Its about perspective really.
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Who says people who feel this way don’t volunteer?
I am 25 and feel underaccomplished – my uni degree has left me with a debt and I have a job at the low end of the food chain. I grew up being told I could do almost anything I put my mind to by teachers and family yet I don’t feel I can (and results show I can’t) and their words ring in my head and I can’t help but feel like a failure.
And I volunteer.. when you don’t have much money and want to help out it’s the only (and best!) way you can!
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I’m 25 and feel under-accomplished. Every time it hits too strongly I book a flight to India and go back to the school I taught at for six months in 2010. Feel much better afterwards, and the kids are amazing, full of life, free of such silly worries, and always happy to see their funny-looking white friend again.
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Kate! I turned 25 this year and have always had THE EXACT SAME THING. I’ve often thought about why. I don’t have pushy parents. Quite the utter opposite. I think it’s the whole ‘come from nothing, have everything to prove’ thing … but deary me it’s less than healthy!
Loved this.
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Thank you Rick!
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Rick? Is that you?
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Sadly I can also relate to this, I always secretly wanted to be on of those girls in Cosmo mag “I started my own business aged 24/25/26″. Now I’m rapidly approaching 27 still stuck in a job I hate (been there 3.5 yrs), been applying for other jobs to gain experience for about 2.5 of those years, had several interviews that seemed promising but always fell through for some reason or other. Now I feel like I just want to say screw ambition all together, I’m thinking about leaving the city, stop working 6 day weeks and actually have some time to enjoy life – after all we’re here for a good time, not for a long time right?
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Go be a hippy and have yourself a damn good time Kristy! You deserve it!
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