How free should speech be?

I’m not in favour of freedom of speech. Not completely. I’ll never defend anyone’s right to be a bigot or a racist or to vilify a minority group. I don’t believe you should be able to wear a swastika on your t-shirt or burn someone else’s religious book with impunity. What should happen to those who do? Well, probably not jail. But there should certainly be consequences.

Today, however, I’m not going to focus on hate-mongers because it’s the weekend and I don’t want to. Instead, let’s sip lattes and discuss the more palatable side of this subject: when offensive words are used unintentionally.

There have been a couple of significant blips on the pop culture radar recently and it’s been fascinating to watch everyone assume polarised positions. Yes, I’m talking about gay kookaburras and faggots. In truth, I feel uncomfortable even writing that word let alone saying it but I’m not here to demonise Stephanie Rice (who used it in on Twitter – you can read about that and see her apology here) because it’s more interesting to look at the issue instead of the individual.

To many people, the word faggot is offensive. To others, sticks and stones. And your sexuality doesn’t necessarily dictate your view. So while many gay people condemned the use of the word, others yawned. Trying to ascribe a single opinion to the entire gay community is like trying to speak on behalf of all white people or all female people. Impossible.  As one gay man wrote to the newspaper in defense of ‘faggot’:

“It embarasses me that the public could believe our skins are so thin we can’t take a joke…..if we want equality, if we want the freedom to imply, say, that young men from the western suburbs with a penchant for flannelette shirts are bogans, we are obliged to take our places on the receiving end of seemingly derogatory, yet harmless, language.”

I have to disagree with that. The idea that you must accept demeaning names so you can demean others? Well, that’s many shades of wrong.

On media website Mumbrella, another gay man insisted the whole controversy was a ridiculous example of a Gen X media misinterpreting the language of Gen Y. “While the word “faggot” might be divisive and derogatory for the over 30s it is commonly used in a far less offensive way amongst those who are a little younger” he wrote. “In fact, one of the most popular events in Sydney’s gay scene is called “Fag Tag” which attracts a predominantly under 30s crowd. Clearly the name hasn’t proven too offensive to this age group because it has been running for more than six years.”

Which brings me to the most important point in a debate about offensive words: it matters who says them. Some words have indeed been reclaimed by the community they refer to. Like dyke by lesbians. Or even the n-word among some African American men. Similarly, Jewish people can tell Jewish jokes. By owning a stereotype or reclaiming a word, you can subvert the hate or the prejudice associated with it. But only if you’re part of the community in question. It doesn’t make it OK for everyone else to do the same.

Hark, I can hear the sound of hurrumphing. Some folk get mighty cranky when this subject comes up. They take great exception to the idea of ‘language fascism’.

In my experience, those who most angrily demand we ‘lighten up’? The ones who splutter about ‘political correctness gone mad’ and ‘censorship’? They generally tend to be from that widely persecuted minority: white anglo saxon males.

Some of my best friends are white anglo saxon males and they are lovely people. But they don’t have vast experience in the realm of discrimination or vilification.

Here’s the thing: just because a word isn’t intended to be offensive, doesn’t mean it’s not. Consider Eeeny Meeny Miney Mo. Remember what we used to catch by the toe? Clearly we didn’t mean to offend African Americans when we sang it but there are excellent reasons why children now catch a tiger. Social mores change and sometimes, language must too.

Which brings me to gay kookaburras. When news broke that a Melbourne primary school was changing the word ‘gay’ to ‘fun’ in the 76 year old nursery rhyme, there was a national eye roll. The reason, the principal hastily explained, was that the meaning of gay had evolved from ‘happy’ to ‘homosexual’ and thus belied the intent of the original lyrics. Mostly, he just wanted the kids to stop giggling and sing, dammit.

Gay doesn’t just mean homosexual anymore. It can also mean daggy (not in a hateful way, more affectionately mocking). Still, I was shocked when I first heard kids use ‘gay’ like this. But not nearly as shocked as the gay community. I asked a gay friend if he was offended and he shook his head. “Oh no, it’s not offensive it’s just a bit….. hard to take.” Why, I pressed. “Well, gay people have always thought we were cool and a bit subversive and it turns out now we’re not. Kids think we’re cheesy. That’s a major blow.” To the ego.

SO. Where do you stand on free speech? What words do you find offensive? Have you ever been in a situation where someone else’s use of a word made you uncomfortable?

And what words do you loathe? I’ll start: panties.