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BY KATE HUNTER
Have you noticed recently there seems to be a busy-off happening?
Everyone is so busy it’s almost shameful to say, ‘Nope, got absolutely zero on that day.’
Because, if you admit to having a spare hour or so, someone might ask you to do something with it. You’d be nuts to let on. So the name of the game is to listen carefully to the busy cries of others, then raise it a notch. The devil might be find work for idle hands but I bet he’d struggle for volunteers.
Nowhere is this more evident than in junior sport circles. It seems everyone wants their kid to have the opportunity to play but umpires, manager and coaches are thin on the playing field. Here’s an example:
Under 7 soccer team needs a manager. Duties include emailing match times, organizing bib-laundering roster. The shout goes out and the replies come in.
To: Barracudas Under 7s
From: Libby Pohio
Re: ManagerHi everyone! Unfortunately due to increasing commitments and house renovations neither Greg nor I will be able to take on managerial duties this year. I’m sure the season will be great! Jaxon can’t wait for kick off!!!! Cheers, Libby.
To: Barracudas Under 7s
From: The Flynn Family
Re: ManagerHi team! Sorry to say that I can’t help with the team either. Like Libby and Greg, we too are renovating. Plus, I’m starting my Masters and Greg is training for Kokoda! On top of all that, Imogen and Rhiannon are both playing rep hockey on Saturdays. Talk about crazy! All the best,Tracey.
To: Barracudas Under 7s
From: Jacqui Hobson-Taylor
Re: ManagerHi all. So disappointed we can’t help but as you might have heard, Simon’s new job will be taking him to the mines three weeks out of four. We will have my mother with us but recent eye surgery means she can’t drive. Toby is doing ‘Lil’ Tennis’ as well as soccer so I cannot guarantee being on the sidelines on time every week. Plus, we will be starting renovations at the end of March. Happy to help with oranges!!! Regards, Jacqui.
To: Barracudas Under 7s
From: Andrew Rateri
Re: ManagerSorry to say I won’t be able to manage the boy’s team (hopefully next year). Work commitments mean I won’t be able to give the rosters the sort of attention they need and I’d hate to let the side down. There’s a fair chance as well we’ll be taking the family away for the last three weeks of the season – my father in New Zealand is turning 70 and if we go for the party we might as well do a bit of touring while we’re there! As if that wasn’t enough, excavation for the pool and rumpus room will start any day, weather permitting and that will keep us out of trouble. I’ve got a feeling this year is going to be a big one for our Under 7 Barracudas! PS Jacqui have you got the name of that plasterer you mentioned when we spoke on sign-on day? Cheers, Andrew
So what happens? Normally, there’s a stand off until the person who’s done in it the past two seasons sticks up her hand yet again. Everyone knows she will; it’s only a matter of time.
Is that person less busy? More generous? Or is she a mug?
How busy are you? Do you think life has turned into a busy-off?
Comments
200 Comments so far
I have to admit I’m guilty of this on occasion but only with certain people in my life who have a pattern of draining my energy or asking for favours, so I pre-empt it by making out I’m busy. Otherwise the convo would go something like:
“Hey! Are you doing anything on Saturday?”
“Nup.”
“Want to hang out for eight hours?”
“Um…nup.”
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I’m a total wierdo, because if someone wants to do something and I don’t feel like it, I just say “nope I don’t feel like going out”!
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I must be a weirdo too! I do the same. I can be bothered making up excuses, I’d never remember what my excuse was anyway and would be caught out.
I like honesty. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to go out/have visitors/be part of a committee.
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Among some of the circles I’m in the whole no I don’t feel like going out or was planning a night in is ok…if you are in a couple.
For the singles it is expected you’ll go out or have to justify with a whole I had X on tues, Y on weds etc out to Saturday so I ‘should really have one night in’.
Apparently with the couples it is justified that they need to spend some time together just the two of them. Single? Yeah no downtime for you!
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Oh, it’s true. And you know, we’re socially conditioned to feel like we’re a bit tragic if we say that a good night is a night in with DVDs and a lap full of cat. I like hanging with my cat and watching movies. Why is that less valid than hanging with your partner or going out and clubbing yourself stupid or whatever?
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We were on holiday a few years ago, and went to a small shop in a country town to get some sandwiches before we went canoeing. We had to wait behind two people, and the sandwich maker was very slow…we must have been jigging up and down because when the next person’s turn came, he turned to us and said – ‘Let them go first. I’m in no hurry’. And right then, I realised I wanted to be that person who was ‘in no hurry’ – not stressed, not rushing off to anything, not worried about the time and not impatient. I’m still working on it, but when I manage it, it’s a great feeling!
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I am always busy. And I can’t understand wanting to compete with something that can run you down so badly (or is it all talk??). And as much as I love what I do (teach and play music), I wish I could just ‘time-out’ every now and then. Even now that we are in the US and husband is studying and I am supposedly not, I have kind of got myself wrapped up, committed and busy again.
I also don’t see how you can make a competition of something that you might as well be comparing apples with oranges. Juggling study and work is entirely different to juggling kids and work. Don’t judge each other. It’s kind of like the need to put down one body type to make another feel better. We’re all different.
That said, it does always seem to be the same ones who take on this extra work, especially volunteering and especially for community/kids stuff.
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Clearly busyness is next to godliness – maybe even more important to some people.
The problem I face is that my perennially busy friends seem to feel that my relatively ‘unbusy’ life gives them free rein to clutter it up with all the things they’ve overcommitted to. ‘Oh, you’re not busy, would you mind …?’
Just because I pick and choose what I do and leave time to breathe and be sane, doesn’t mean I relish being made to feel guilty if I don’t want to spend my spare time babysitting, picking up stuff, rescheduling when I do things to fit in with someone’s more crowded schedule etc.
Of course if it’s a genuine emergency, that’s different, but all too often it feels like people do it because they want to do everything, be everything to all people. Newsflash – that way leads to insanity … and disgruntled friends.
Rant over!
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Agreed, Lizi!
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I totally agree. My BF is a constant busy person with working 4 days a week, helping out at her children’s school, looking after her sisters boys, caring for her parents and juggling a huge social life…and she thrives on it. But the problem I have is always feeling guilty when I say no to her constant pushing for me to be part of her busyness. I prefer to spend my limited down time with my hubby and kids or just recharging myself with a book. Why is that bad? My guess is that she thinks that I’ll become an old lonely lady with nothing to do and no friends but my husband is our son’s sport coach and I work in community services so we are always out within our community but also like to escape from other people and cocoon ourselves with our family. I love her but wish she would back off…
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I totally agree with the notion of less organised activities for the kids after school etc promotes a much calmer and relaxed atmosphere in the house. As for some people volunteering their time more than others, this is the way society is- we all contribute in different ways. Some of us may be more at home investing our energies purely into our own relationships and families and others are able to extend upon this further. This article has certainly ( more from the comments posted in response!), made me re-think the way I use Facebook and how I try to portray my life as “busy” and “exciting!”………..I am going to be more conscious now of not sanitising and glorifying my life as it only perpetuates this whole competitive “thing” we as individuals in society have going. As Michelle Obama so eloquently states: ” Find your spot, wear what you love. There will always be someone who will say, I wouldn’t have chosen to do things that way etc but as long as you’re happy the the rest is merely conversation!!!”
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Oh I love this post! I’ve been waiting for this post! I can’t stand this new phenomenon. I have lots of friends who play this game. “Oh my god I’m SO busy!” “Things are CRAZY” “OK gotta fly, gotta keep going, heaps to do…” “I’m SO exhausted we haven’t STOPPED!” Really? Seriously?
My theory is this being busy craze is about being too scared to stop as once a busy maniac stops they might have to face stuff.
We decided to leave a chaotic city life for a regional town so we didn’t have to play the busy game. Yet I still come across lots of people caught in this cycle. If a friend says do you want to catch up for a coffee I say yes, I make the time. If someone sends me a text message or calls me I respond. I help my elderly parents, I help out at school. These things are important to me. And I work part time so I can enjoy time with my kids (and have time to sit here surfing the internet and reading lovely comments on Mamamia!)
As I write, my husband sits at the table. He has taken the afternoon off work to sort out the soccer club registrations. He is the registrar for all ages under 11. He is also on the football committee and coaches our son’s team. He comes across plenty of people playing the “busy” game but thankfully there are enough non-busy interested parents to balance things out.
Get a life people! Or as a friend says, “Life ain’t no dress rehearsal!” Who’d want their headstone to read “They lived a very busy life”. Not me.
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I cant cope with people who cant stay home. Ever. They have to go out every single day, even when they nothing they need to go out for and even when they have kids sick kids they cant cope being at home for a day. They still have to drag the poor child out to a cafe. What is wrong with them?
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I know! I don’t get that at all. I love knowing I have a day at home.
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I suspect it may be a real problem??? They make me feel like an anti social hermit if I tell them I’ve enjoy a day at home reading magazines… Any psychologists out there??
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Busy body I wouldn’t worry about what anyone thinks, you’re probably so much happier than the people that can’t stay home. I really love working part-time and having time to do what I want whether it be at home or out.
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people like this may be depressed and can’t be alone, or they could be extroverts (get their energy by being around others). either/any other way, being at home can be sooo much fun!! catch up on the soaps, read a book in peace, play with the dog, do some gardening, try that recipe, blast some music, veg on the couch with a magazine. i don’t get it either. it’s not the end of the world having nothing to do
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I think I’m one of those people. I only have one baby, and I pretty much need to get out of the house once a day, drives me batty being at home for a whole day. Of course, I’ll stay at home if he’s sick, but otherwise, I look for something to do or someone to visit.
I’m not depressed and I am ok being alone, I just like getting out of the house. I don’t think that’s a psychological problem.
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Our weekends are busy, largely because of sport (some of which is school-based and compulsory and some of which is because my damn 49 year old husband still doesn’t realise he’s too old for it and should spend his Saturdays at Bunnings like other men)… but I have to confess that every so often I will say we are “too busy” to attend something because I *need* to keep some weekend time free just for us to be a family chilling out together at home. Everyone needs down time, but it feels as if I can’t own up to that: “Actually, we don’t have anything on but we’d rather not come over for a bbq thanks all the same” never goes across well.
Perhaps I should have posted this on the ‘confessions’ thread…
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Hey Kylie L, when you talk about school sports being compulsory on the weekend, what do you mean? Do you mean the school dictates to families how they spend their weekends? What if people go away, or have holiday houses they spend weekends at? Is this high school or primary? Am totally baffled.
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Private secondary school- it’s very common here in Melb, no idea about other states (and def. doesn’t happen at state schools). It is compulsory for all students (boys and girls) in years 7-10 to play sport on Saturday mornings against other private schools- my son does cricket in summer and footy in winter, but there’s heaps of choices. Usually the game goes from 8:30-12, but tomorrow he’s playing a school 1.5 hrs drive away and has to be on the bus at 6:45am! Eep.
(Oh and if you want to go away- well too bad! You do it after sport. There are some byes during the year though as well as school holidays… but you esentially sign up for it when you decide to send your child to the school.)
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Bloody Hell! I am in Melb and daughter will be going to Merton Hall in less than 2 yrs. I had no idea. What if the parent has work committments on weekends ( say, to pay the fees!). Surely they can’t dictate to families how they spend the weekends! Very scared now.
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At my school parents wern’t expected to attend all the games, they just dropped the kids off in the morning and picked them up at the end of the game. I loved compulsory sport, becaues it meant everyone got into a team and being a not very sporty person it actually meant I could play sport I enjoyed without having to be very good at it. Look at it as a blessing – it keeps your kids fit and you don’t have to do any of the organising.
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Anonymous, I love compulsory sport for *exactly* the reasons you say. My son is only average at footy & cricket and in his (very competitive) out-of-school clubs struggles to get much of a go- but at school he plays in the B or C grade with others just like him and has a blast. Also, I love that compulsory sport and the compulsory training for 2 hrs a week (in school time) keeps the kids active, plus they learn about working as a team, etc. We like to go and support him when we can (and it’s a home game) but must admit I’ll be waving him off on that bus tomorrow…
Chef, I’m not sure if the girls schools go in for compulsory sport- certainly the boys and co-ed privates do though. You may be safe!
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Eearly morning sporting starts also become very beneficial when your kids get to the age when they want to go out at night. If they have to be at sport at 8am, going out to a party on Friday at night isnt going sound so attractive
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It happens in private schools in Adelaide also.It’s bloody ridiculous.
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I was only thinking of this today, I have a gorgeous son and am fortunate to stay at home with. While I was pregnant everyone told me “there goes your social life” “say goodbye to sleep” “your house will never be the same again”. I manage just fine most days by lunch time I am creating jobs for myself cleaning the cuboards, moving the bedroom around l, cleaning out the closet. My house is clean my son is happy and dinner is done. Maybe I am lucky maybe my son is an angle and I know know different. But seriously people you laid down!!!! Stop complaining about how busy, how tired, how fat you are. It’s old and boring. Yes I only have one child and not a tarago full of baby’s but like I said you laid down no one held a gun to your head and no one wants to listen to you bitch and moan.
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I’m not busy. I make up jobs at home to be more busy and fill the hours. I learnt to bake bread this week out of sheer boredom.
I think lots of people fill their time with internet and tv, or constantly have the radio on in the background, and they have no quiet in their life. No space for thoughts and still and calm. And so, even though they have plenty of actual time, they always feels rushed. There is always something else to be watching, something else to listen to or focus on.
Just breathe, people. Just breathe.
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Love this comment, especially the part of baking bread!
But I agree with you about the constant lack of quiet. Some people I know are home with kids and have the tv on constantly, all day. Even if the kids aren’t watching it. And the noise of it drives me nuts.
I let my kids what tv, don’t get me wrong. But not too much and when the tele goes off, it is pure bliss without that din in the background. And the kids go and find other stuff to do. Sometimes that involves getting under my feet and driving me spare, but they also go and make up games and play with toys.
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Well said Cordeline! One of my pet hates is the constant noise of TV/radio/stereo blaring away for no particular purpose other then to fill a void.
The same rules apply in my house about TV & I love the peace & quiet when it is switched off (& don’t even mind the mess the kids make as they play!).
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Yes! I agree! Bored kids make up the best games. My two came up with something complex involving a tennis ball and a colander this afternoon. That took up a good hour.
I use tv as a babysitter while I cook dinner (dad’s away, again…) but if I have it on all day it doesn’t capture their attention well enough when I really need it. Half an hour of play school a day, only, is perfect for us
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Was at school pick up yesterday afternoon (My 2nd child is in prep) and chatting to another mum. She proceed to tell me she is working and studying.
After chatting about finding something you absolutly love and then going for it (as she is) she said to me ‘ and what about you lovely – just being a mum? ‘.
Hmmmmm, yep Im being a mum, and work part time, and run a house, and ferry 3 small children around etc.
I felt the urge to clarify the ‘just’ part, and then though better of it. It would be so super cool if we could all appreciate that we are ALL doing our best (for the most part), we are all busy, we are all tired. We don’t need to shout it from the roof tops or wear it as a badge!!!! ‘Just being a Mum’ – its a 24/7 lifetime commitment – hello!!!
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At least you work part time and have 3 kids!! I am “just a mum” and feel guilty saying that when I only have a 20 month old, don’t work and have live in help as I am an expat in Singapore. But you know what, I am loving it, LOVING it I tell ya
I am so lucky to be be able to stay home and I was very ready to give up my stressful job and have some time at home. Sure my baby was a shocking sleeper and hubby travels a lot and my mum is far away but I am very very lucky and I remind myself of that when I am homesick.
Oh and the busy game as an expat has to been seen to be believed!!! I am one of a very few who often says, we are just playing/hanging out at home today
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I hate it when people turn ‘busy’ or ‘exhausted’ into a competition, especially on facebook, especially when it’s parents spouting cliches like “you don’t know tired until you have a baaayyybeee!” or “you don’t even have kids! I haven’t slept in three years”. Bitch, I have clinically diagnosed insomnia and I’m writing a PhD – there’s no monopoly on feeling like you bit off more than you can chew!
Everybody has busy lives, everybody feels overwhelmed sometimes, everybody feels exhausted, everybody has different thresholds for what they can handle before getting frazzled, and everybody surprises themselves from time to time with what they can handle.
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Hahaha…… I love this. (not the insomnia though- you poor thing)
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I know what you mean – just because someone doesn’t have kids doesn’t mean they aren’t busy or tired for a number of other reasons!
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Agree 100% about the parental angle, that’s for sure!
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I have made this same observation in the past: “You don’t know tired, you don’t have kids,” “Wait until you have kids, then you’ll know what mess is…” And the list goes on! I hate the competition angle, why can’t there be just different kinds of busy? Why does one have to trump the other?
As the saying goes…until you’ve walked a mile in someone else’s shoes…
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Ohhh, I hate that martyr crap. “I’m so noble and exhausted and above everything- you wouldn’t understand, you don’t have kids.” *vom*
Yes, I am childfree by choice. Which obviously means I wake up at noon every day after a refreshing, 10-hour sleep not affected by stress (because I have none), bathe in a rainbow, maybe go for a swim in my gigantic vat of money with nary a thought for the mothers of the world in my shallow, selfish head.
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brilliant
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You forgot about the pet unicorn!!!
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How remiss of me. My hot, naked servant is bringing him in now.
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So well said – I hear the same thing a bit and find it so very frustrating. Now if I could just find one of those hot naked unicorn handling servants all would be right in my world…
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Couldn’t agree more. I have a girlfriend who has two children and I have none. Apparently I’m not nearly as busy and as tired as she is. Yawn. She’s probably right but who gives a shit? I hate that she makes me feel as though my life is less important because I have time to have a pedicure on a Saturday.
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Yeah, I hate it when mums say they haven’t slept in …years. As if. If it really was so, then for gods sake, teach your child to sleep! But that’s another topic, isn’t it.
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lol I was just thinking the same thing. I’ve never got more sleep than since I had my baby! The first month was really hard but he pretty much settled after that and slept through from about 10 weeks. Since I’m home with him I go to bed soooo much earlier than my days of being out and about at all hours…
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Oh how nice.. Enjoy. Hoping my turn comes again one day. It’s 4:51 & I’ve been up with one or both kids since before 2
. Again. Not busy by choice & I don’t bother to boast about it. Not proud. Tired.
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Lol, then Friday night he made me shut my mouth by being up at 2 and then 4. Serves me right! Still last night I was in bed by 9 and he slept through to 6 so I got caught up at least
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I think it just depends on the individual. I often find the people who make out they are ‘super busy’ are usually just lazy and don’t want to help out. They hide themselves in part-time work, which they make out is fulltime work (if fulltime is 15hrs/wk). Then on the other hand I have other friends who have 3 children and are heavily involved in the PC, work from home and never complain about being ‘too busy’.
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Being ‘busy’ is just an automatic reply these days. Like replying ‘good’ if someone asks how you are. The other day I went over to my MIL place and asked how her week had been and I got “Oh so busy! I gave the kitchen a good clean out and attacked the garden. I was so tired by Wednesday I just napped on the lounge all day”. Yes, super busy. Then I was trying to find a day in my week where I could nap on the lounge all day. Lol!
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Being ‘busy’ is just an automatic reply these days. Like replying ‘good’ if someone asks how you are. The other day I went over to my MIL place and asked how her week had been and I got “Oh so busy! I gave the kitchen a good clean out and attacked the garden. I was so tired by Wednesday I just napped on the lounge all day”. Yes, super busy. Then I was trying to find a day in my week where I cod nap on the lounge all day. Lol!
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I absolutely love this article!!! My husband has volunteered to be soccer coach again for one of my sons’, and then had to take on my other son’s team as well after no one else volunteered. This is ok, he does enjoy it BUT what really annoys me is when other parents say; “Oh, I can’t do it, I work” or ” my husband works so there’s no way he can do it”!! arrgh. HELLO!!!! my husband works too – he just MAKES time as does anyone who needs/has to do something
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Love how everyone (EVERYONE) is doing some home reno! And loved the spelling of “Jaxon”. Ahahaha – all so true.
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My husband is involved in our local football club and he had a registration last week from a child named “H”. Just the letter H. Best of luck kid as your parents obviously wanted to make your life as hard as possible…
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Getting some negative vibes on some comments about SAHMs. I do feel privleged I can stay home with my 3 kids to raise them and don’t judge others who can’t/don’t.
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I hear you! Being a SAHM doesnt mean you automatically should feel obliged to carry the load of voluntary work with children. We dont have any more free time than anyone else, we’re all working – just in different ways! My husband actually loves helping out with our kids weekend sport because its a good opportunity for him to be with them because he doesnt see a lot of them during the week.
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Ooops, I hope my comment below didn’t make you feel this way. I’m also a SAHM and just realised something I mentioned about a friend of mine!
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What annoys me is that because I don’t have kids yet, mothers tend to scoff at me when I say I’m busy, “pft, you don’t know what the meaning if busy is” they’ll say. Really gets my goat! I work 6 days a week, leaving home at 6am and returning at 5pm. I still have a house and husband and dogs and and and and…
I’m not in anyway claiming mothers aren’t busy (to the contrary) but we childless lassies can be flat out too.
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I hate this too! For them to generalize that all women without kids have totally carefree lives is just as dumb as generalizing that all women with kids spend all day on facebook or doing their nails.
I’m doing a PhD, working two days a week (we’re not meant to do more than 6 hours, but .. shh), looking after my nieces once a week, writing a novel and training for a marathon. My partner has a demanding job and is often overseas, so I do all grocery shopping, gardening, cooking, cleaning etc. Hell yeah, I’m busy, and I really resent certain people telling me that I don’t know what busy is!
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This is funny. I clearly remember my childless best friend telling me “You don’t know the meaning of the word busy” when I was home with 3 children under 4. Different perspective.
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Is Andrew’s “ps” to Jacqui code for something?
Hmmmm….
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A busy-off. Love that term Kate!
Most of my friends are always so busy busy busy. We’ve all got commitments. But I made a point about a year ago, not to use the word busy when people ask what we’ve been up to.
I have a close friend, who literally lives a 5 min drive away but I only see once every couple of months. She has 2 kids in primary school. She doesn’t go to work. She is so busy busy busy, it can take her a week to reply to a text message. Her husband made it clear to everyone years ago that her friends were not welcome to call their house in the evening to speak to her as they were always just so busy that the evenings were not be used to take social calls.
And I know I will be in the minority here, but I really don’t like how in today’s world, we can just drop in on our friends for a quick cuppa. Everything has to be pre-arranged, weeks, months in advance. There is no quick catch up after kinder or school for an hour. It has to be a diarised ‘playdate’.
I look back on my childhood and it was filled with neighbours and friends pooping over un-announced almost daily and weekends were filled with picnics and BBQs at local parks with friends. I wish it was still like that.
Two weekends ago, we were home on a Saturday afternoon and my husband and I decided to spring clean the kitchen. There was crap everywhere, they kids were running wild. It was a mess. But there was a knock at the front door and some (fairly new) friends were in the neighbourhood and wondered if were home for a quick visit. They felt all embarrassed for just turning up but we were so excited that someone had dropped by! They sat with us among the chaos for a cool drink for half an hour before heading off again. It was so lovely.
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You are so right, the random drop in has become a thing of the past and I don’t understand why! If we do it on the odd occasion I always profusely apologise for the random drop in but it always turns out to be a lovely experience and if the other person is busy we/I are never offended.
There should be more random drop ins, messy house and all!
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Between my friends and I we do drop-ins. Although we usually send a quick text first to check if any children are napping. If the house is a mess, that’s just the way it is
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You always have the best posts Cordeline! I feel the same as you. (Although I’m not a huge fan of the unannounced drop in but I do like to see people!)
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I love the drop in and must admit I miss it too.
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The random drop-in is alive and well out in the country!! Used to freak me out but now I love it
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Yes, I miss that too. I first realised it wasn’t ok when a new friend of mine told me after I found out how close she lived that she didn’t like having people drop in and to please call her first.
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I ignored a phone call for supply work today, so I didn’t have to make up an excuse not to go in. I know its bad, but I just really feel like doing nothing today while the kids are at school (except general household duties). Is that bad????
I am busy most days like any mum, there are some jobs I like to do but many that I dont. I will be on the P&C but I dont want a position on the committee, I will help out at Guides but I dont want to be the leader……but I dont make busy a competition, I just say Thanks but no.
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Absolutely nothing wrong with a lazy day – I think everyone needs them to feel rested and re-charged. Grab a novel and a cup of tea and lie on the couch reading and snoozing for a couple of hours – just imagine how good it will feel.
[http://perthwife.wordpress.com/]
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She is a mug – I know that as I am regularly that mug. The old saying is true – as a busy person ……Everyone offers to help but people rarely do. I work full time with two boys who both play at least two sports each season plus music plus plus plus – it does take time to email and chase people and organise things but it is so rewarding and my boys love that their mum is “the boss of the team” !!!
Personally I feel sorry for the parents who dont get involved …. they dont know what they are missing
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I have a job where whenever anyone asks so how was your day they expect the answer to be “oh my gosh I was so busy”. Sometimes it can be like that, other days I think the day moves slower than melting ice caps.
I almost feel bad if I tell people I had a boring day because it lets down their hopes about what the type of occupation I have is.
Usually I just reply, “you, know. Just the usual.”
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This sounds like a very middle class problem. People are so self aware and self conscious that they create these problems for themselves. People need to start being more creative and community minded, maybe there is a solution there other than dumping it all on one person.
Seriously all I read was wah wah tennis wah wah holiday wah wah renovations renovations. The parents are busy? Well how thin are these kids being spread?
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Spot on Elly!!
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I think people manufacture busyness to make themselves feel important. So they just HAVE to get the kids to swimming/dancing/netball/soccer/hockey/music/drama/training/games/performances. Poor kids never get any chillout time! And then the oldies bitch about how they have no time for anything. Here’s a tip: Do less!
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I have a close friend who insists on sharing just how busy she is, every day on Facebook. Several times a day. From “It’s 9am and I’ve already mowed the lawn, done 3 loads of washing, done the week’s grocery shopping and have muffins in the oven. Oh, and the kids have washed 2 cars” to “Can’t decide whether I should be studying or working. So busy but which one comes first?”. I have no doubt she has actually done all those things by 9am, but why the need to share? And if you’ve got time to post it on FB then surely you need more in your life? I don’t even try to compete with her, nor do I comment on her sharing. It would only encourage it further
As for finding parents to volunteer, it’s the same story everywhere. I am the VP of our P&F. I’ve been attending the meetings monthly for 5 years now and it’s still the same old parents turning up every month. We would be lucky to get one new parent a year. Everyone is busy, get over it. If you want your kids to be part of something then you have to set an example and volunteer your time to help make it happen. That’s how we raise socially aware, contributing members of society. If we all just did a little bit to share the load then everyone would be a bit less busy.
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I am very much if the opinion that if you want to participate you have to contribute, however due to the very limited numbers of others who think like this I find myself spread very thin and because of my willingness to contribute I constantly get asked to take on more (can’t just umpire netball asked to coach as well, can’t just teach Sunday school asked to run the show, can’t just be on P&C asked to be Secretary etc.). C’mon people! I’m busy too (work 3 days a week as well) we will always make time for the thing that are important to us. Harden up and share the load. Many hands make light work.
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I’m hearing you Cait. My two big kids both started new team sports in the past few weeks, Miss9 is doing soccer, Mr7 is doing rugby. I don’t think I have time to help because I already spend one day a week helping out in class at school and I’m the P&F VP and I write grants applications for the P&F. As well as working 2 days a week and studying for a diploma which has fallen seriously behind. But I know soccer and rugby don’t run themselves. I’m the community-minded one in our family but maybe it’s time my hubby stepped up?
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Your husband would love it! Mine loves coaching a team but when another mum and I are the only 2 who can spare the time to run the canteen during home games it is a bit frustrating. While the others, who are too busy, sit there on their chairs and watch the game. Every family has their limits so I guess the people sitting down watching the game could be busy all week helping out at school or preschool, so we shouldnt really judge until we know their story
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Classic… And yet they’re on FB all the time! Being ‘look at me being busy and perfect’ is the new .’look at all my stuff’…
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Ooohhh – the ‘busy brag ‘ in FB totally gives me the shits! Especially when household chores are the most boring thing in the world. Yes we all do them, but we don’t want to spend our leisure time on FB reading about you doing them!
The other one I hate is the ‘diet and exercise’ FB brag. Seriously, I do not need a daily status update at 5am telling me how tired you are, but you’re up and ready for spin class. Kudos to you, morning exercise is awesome when the time permits, but why exactly do you need to share EVERY morning?
Oops….a big rant escaped there, sorry!
. Rant over now. 
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“Busy brag” – love it! I’m so using that!
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my friends are always like “i’m too busy” and then complain about it. No one is forcing them to do all the stuff they’re doing, they make themselves do it so it makes me angry when they say they’re too busy to do something.
I’m rarely busy. Because if i don’t want to do something, most of the time i say no. and i don’t see a problem with that. Why would i want to do every single thing on offer?
But relating to the article. when i was a kid i played netball and the team manager (i guess) had surgery and couldn’t do much for about 6 weeks. No other parent (including the SAHMs with only the one child) volunteered to help. It ended up being my mum, who spoke minimal english, and worked two jobs and had another child. Yet the parents all showed up to training and games and had millions of suggestions.
My poor mama. I ended up yelling at all the parents at the age of 12 at how ridiculous the whole situation was. apparently it was quite funny!
xxxmissvxxx.wordpress.com
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I love that you stood up for your Mum like that!
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Way to go Miss V!
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It’s a roll over from the market economy. If you aren’t busy, you aren’t contributing. Personally, I prefer idling when I’m not working.
And sport is an expense I can’t afford, so my kids will just have to ride their bikes to the beach and have a swim there.
but really 
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You’ll all be happier for it! We have cut right back this year after juggling way too many kids sports and activities over the last few years. Our weeks were a never ending nightmare of busy busy busy. Now our kids do the bare minimum after school sport etc and our lives are so much more calm and our kids are happier and more relaxed.
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Love the
but really 
Exactly!!!
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I will find myself in a midst of panic if I realise I have nothing to do. I’ve come from a time of so busy it’s ridiculous due to my lack of skills in using the “No” word. Needless to say, I am working on this but occasionally one may find me rocking back and forth….
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I love the excuse that they cant possibly send a few emails and score at the game on Friday night because they have other children and that they are just too busy. Doing what? Having coffee, going to the gym, shopping, Friday night drinks after work? We all want our kids to play sport but dont want to make personal sacrifice to make it happen. It always ends up being one parents sacrifice to make it pleasurable for everyone elses children .
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I work part-time, am married but we have no children and all my friends do have children. Aside from work, which I’m usually finished and home by 2pm 4 days a week, I’m free as a bird most days.
So free, I get bored. I wish I had busy days!
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Volunteer for something!!!
I read a quote from (damn it having a mental blank and can’t what her name is but she played Patsy in Ab Fab) in a letter she wrote to her 16 year old self. She says “volunteer for everything, because that’s the way to adventure” (or something to that effect)
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Yes it is true – the same parents volunteer for everything . I am one of the parents who sticks up their hand. I don’t think I am a mug!!!!!
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you’re not a mug, you’re the kind of parent I love! My parents are those people too. My Mum’s doing post grad study this year, works part time and coaches a netball team (and scores at mine and my sisters) and my dad works crazy hours but finds the time to be on the committee for both sports my brother plays. Then when SAHM’s are like ‘oh I’m too busy to score’…rage!!!
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Thanks !!! Hubby and I both work full time and still find time to volunteer…. and I agree with one of the commentsd above . The other parents don’t know what they are missing ………
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Oh Linda that is so true! I was on the kindy committee for my son’s school and we basically put out a notice saying that if participation by complaint was not allowed!
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Haha – love it! I’m going to remember that in case I need it for future use!
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If They got paid they would find time.
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Haha, love it! So right and yes I’m a mug!!!
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LOL, you forgot the bit where those too busy to help out, are never too busy to bitch about how those sticking their hand up are doing the job. Thankfully, I haven’t had to endure that personally – but I feel for those that have/do.
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Haha I’m a victim of that. Was in high school volunteering to coach a team I had no association with and the parents the whole time complaining about everything and anything. I was 16 too :s
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I know a woman who volunteered to coach another team last year (making her coaching total 6 teams for the season) because otherwise they would have been coachless and she felt sorry for them. The parents who were all ‘too busy’ to help out, but who all still managed to turn up for training and the games complained all season that she wasnt committed to their team and didnt make it to some of their games. I wanted to slap them. And yes she wasnt always there and that would have been because she was coaching 5 other teams at the same time, on top of her own children, work, husband and home to care for…..
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Wow that’s incredible. I found it hard coaching one team, let alone 6 on top of everything else! If only the parents were able to take a step back and see the hard work she was putting in.
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Oh Mandi
. They should be ashamed of themselves! Especially to do it to a teen!
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