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BY KATE HUNTER
Have you noticed recently there seems to be a busy-off happening?
Everyone is so busy it’s almost shameful to say, ‘Nope, got absolutely zero on that day.’
Because, if you admit to having a spare hour or so, someone might ask you to do something with it. You’d be nuts to let on. So the name of the game is to listen carefully to the busy cries of others, then raise it a notch. The devil might be find work for idle hands but I bet he’d struggle for volunteers.
Nowhere is this more evident than in junior sport circles. It seems everyone wants their kid to have the opportunity to play but umpires, manager and coaches are thin on the playing field. Here’s an example:
Under 7 soccer team needs a manager. Duties include emailing match times, organizing bib-laundering roster. The shout goes out and the replies come in.
To: Barracudas Under 7s
From: Libby Pohio
Re: ManagerHi everyone! Unfortunately due to increasing commitments and house renovations neither Greg nor I will be able to take on managerial duties this year. I’m sure the season will be great! Jaxon can’t wait for kick off!!!! Cheers, Libby.
To: Barracudas Under 7s
From: The Flynn Family
Re: ManagerHi team! Sorry to say that I can’t help with the team either. Like Libby and Greg, we too are renovating. Plus, I’m starting my Masters and Greg is training for Kokoda! On top of all that, Imogen and Rhiannon are both playing rep hockey on Saturdays. Talk about crazy! All the best,Tracey.
To: Barracudas Under 7s
From: Jacqui Hobson-Taylor
Re: ManagerHi all. So disappointed we can’t help but as you might have heard, Simon’s new job will be taking him to the mines three weeks out of four. We will have my mother with us but recent eye surgery means she can’t drive. Toby is doing ‘Lil’ Tennis’ as well as soccer so I cannot guarantee being on the sidelines on time every week. Plus, we will be starting renovations at the end of March. Happy to help with oranges!!! Regards, Jacqui.
To: Barracudas Under 7s
From: Andrew Rateri
Re: ManagerSorry to say I won’t be able to manage the boy’s team (hopefully next year). Work commitments mean I won’t be able to give the rosters the sort of attention they need and I’d hate to let the side down. There’s a fair chance as well we’ll be taking the family away for the last three weeks of the season – my father in New Zealand is turning 70 and if we go for the party we might as well do a bit of touring while we’re there! As if that wasn’t enough, excavation for the pool and rumpus room will start any day, weather permitting and that will keep us out of trouble. I’ve got a feeling this year is going to be a big one for our Under 7 Barracudas! PS Jacqui have you got the name of that plasterer you mentioned when we spoke on sign-on day? Cheers, Andrew
So what happens? Normally, there’s a stand off until the person who’s done in it the past two seasons sticks up her hand yet again. Everyone knows she will; it’s only a matter of time.
Is that person less busy? More generous? Or is she a mug?
How busy are you? Do you think life has turned into a busy-off?
Comments
200 Comments so far
I know someone who ALWAYS harps on about how busy she is, how she is “completely full for weeks and weeks”‘ how they have been ” on the go all weekend”, how she is so buggered because they had so many social engagements/kids sporting commitments/visitors/washing to do….BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
I reckon it’s a bit like saying you’re cool (like Mia mentioned in a recent post) – if you have to say it, you AIN’T it baby so STFU.
Ah, that feels better. Rant over.
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I’m sick of hearing the “I’m so busy” from both sides –
My childless full time working friends all think that my 2 work free days with my son are full of leisurely coffees and long chats with other mums.
And from the mum’s and dad’s out there, working and non-working, who all pipe on about their full schedules. We all complain and look at those without kids and their entire weekends without a single kid’s party, team sport, ballet lesson, swimming lesson etc. I’m sure it’s not always sleeping in and leisurely wine filled lunches that finish at 10.30pm but we can all day dream can’t we?
It reminds me of how, 5 years ago, everyone talked about how much their house was worth – that’s all anyone ever talked about… property prices. Now all we ever talk about is our full schedules. Can’t wait for the next topic so I can be sick of hearing that too!
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It’s always the same people that end up doing these jobs anyway. I am not in paid work (ie. I’m a stay-at-home mum) which means I (apparently) have unlimited time to do work at school and Saturday sport. I have been volunteered so often or else put up my hand to help out that people think I enjoy doing unpaid work for the benefit of their child!!
I was shocked when a new family at school was happy for their 8 yr old child to be driven to a school event (1.5 hours drive) with my husband, who they barely knew. I think that because these parents are “too busy” they are willing to take risks with their children. They had no idea if my husband drives a road worthy car, what kind of driver he is, if he is a smoker a drug user or worse. They just assumed that what is good for my son is good for theirs but we all know how families have very different standards.
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I never say I’m too busy, I just say “that’s not my thing” or “I’m flattered you asked but…”
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Ewww I likie that… I’m sooo going to use that one!
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I find that because I have no kids people think I’m not busy and they start with the “Wait until you have kids!” line. Blergh. I don’t want kids, I’m busy with my job, bf, friends, we travel a lot. Shut the hell up. Just because you have kids doesn’t make you any more or less busier than me. Anyway kids were your choice.
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Agreed! I get this all the time and I hate it. I’m quite busy already thank you, I don’t need to “wait” until I have kids
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Don’t believe once you retire you have more time, it doesn’t happen! I am busier now then ever.
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arghh I think I have a very unhealthy attitude when it comes to being busy.
I don’t write it about on Facebook or Twitter because there is nothing more boring than reading someone else’s complaints about how busy they are or listing the activities of the day!! And for Chrissake, we all have to do chores..
but …
While I don’t have kids, I do work a 60+ hour week, with a 2 hr/day commute. On the weekends, when I’m done with work, helping my elderly Dad, and getting at least 1/2 way through the housework, I feel guilty if I sit down for longer than 5 min! Twitchy, even!! And while I make an effort to see other family, have semi-regular catch-ups with friends, I do get a tiny bit resentful of too many social bookings on the weekend. I find them stressful anyway and have to make an effort not to spend the whole time thinking of all the other stuff that still needs doing.
Oh boy. Even I know there is something seriously wrong with that logic but buggered if I know how to fix it..!
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I was footy team manager for my son’s school football and I’m handing the baton onto the next person this year. I didn’t mind doing it too much but the bit I hated the most was being responsible for collecting money and buying a present for the coaches.
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After having spent three years on my son’s junior rugby league committe and being site supervisor of our town’s Clean Up Australia Day, I’ve taken a year off.
So…this year our town will have no Clean Up because no one has stepped in to organise it. And this is FAR from the ‘busy brigade’ with young kids and renovations. It’s mostly retirees who live here – you would think they would have a spare morning…but no.
I just love empty weekends. It’s blissful to sift through piles of magazines, watch a movie, do some ironing (I find that relaxing..yes, strange I know) and watch The Bachelor. These weekends hardly ever happen but boy are they nice.
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I also like to iron! Sunday afternoon in front of the TV.
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Yep – that’s my ironing time! – whilst watching The Bachelor on Go
I love ironing. I love the steam, the smell of Fabulon, the beautiful results (which I have to hang on door knobs because my closet is too stuffed and my ironed clothes would wrinkle) and I love seeing my son go to high school in a crisp, ironed white shirt. Maybe this belongs on the confession post!
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My mothers’ group friends have been trying to organise a weekend away for the mums, just for one night. We are up to June and still can’t find a weekend which would suit all 7 of us.
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My friend and I were trying to organise a night for our families to get together for dinner We were also well into June before we could find a suitable time. We both commented on how ridiculous that was but with partners and 5 kids between us, it’s just the way it is.
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Everyone’s so damn busy you can’t even arrange play dates for the kids without a 6 week lead up…success shouldn’t = busy, leisure should…isn’t that what we are all working for?
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its my time and I own it….
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Not me! I never book more than one social activity per weekend. Cause I love just hanging around doing nothing after a busy week. And kids only get to attend 1 out of school activity. I’m no martyr.
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poor things, they all sound so under-privileged…
I hope the manager does not do it again. Let the others see the consequences of their apathy.
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It’s so hard finding volunteers for anything! I think all the parents should chip in $5 each week and pay a uni student (who is studing phys ed) to be the coach and manager. The student gets cash in hand and more experience in their would-be profession, the kids get a good coach and the parents are off the hook. I’m going to be suggesting this when my kids are old enough for team sport!
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That’s a great idea
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I actually made a conscious decision last year to stop saying “I am so busy” because I realised it was a competition. This article made me see that everyone else thinks it is a competition as well. Everyone is busy in their own way, you don’t hear many people saying ” I’m so bored”.
As for sporting voulenteers it is always the same people, usally the ones who genuinely have the busiest lives.
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Not a busy thing but in the last few years a couple of old male friends have gotten divorced and lo and behold i am magically someone they want to catch up with. After being bitten once they other day when i refused to elaborate on my dating status i got given the “try being a divorced dad of 2, no one wants you” I replied that it wasn’t a competition and that while i actually love my life i was neither married nor a mother. I wonder what happened to conversation as opposed to competition. My life is harde than yours …et al tedium.
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Oh, yes. Been there. Blech. They know I’m a lesbian, too, so I can only assume they see me as some sort of challenge…? But I’m femme, so, you know, I’m obviously not a *real* one… *eyeroll*
I’m single and chidfree too, and quite fine with it, and it’s amazing how people find it hard to wrap their heads around that!
It *is* tedious. I feel your pain.
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I have decided to stop participating in the busy or my life vs your life thing. It’s exhausting and it can make me change form feeling really good to remarkably crap in a few short ” Oh i know i wish i had time to …….(insert withering put down here). From now on everything is simple. TA DA!!!.
If i can’t do something i will simple say no, no excuses required
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Like!
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Diana, you’re probably just waiting for the Right Man to come along.
(Ugh. My eyes are rolling so hard I’ve strained them) gross.
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*gasp* How DID you know?
One actually suggested we “go out and find a woman together”.
There are no words. Now, I was raised to be polite and non-crass, but I’m tempted next time to say something along the lines of, “when the thought of penis doesn’t make me want to vomit, you’ll be the first to know!”
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Funniest comment I’ve read all day
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All too true Kate. We seem to have started associated ‘being busy’ with ‘being popular/fulfilled/important’.
Generalisation alert! When I lived in Oz I noticed a lot of people would brag about how late they stayed at the office, or how early they had to come in, how under the pump they were, yet they were often finding plenty of time to read websites during the day, order stuff online, send joke emails to every person they knew and catch up on office gossip. I remember hearing my Mum on the phone to her partner a few years back, talking about why she hadn’t managed to get something done. ‘Because I’ve been FLAT OUT all day!’. She was playing Solitaire on her Mac as she cradled the phone…
I live in Switzerland now, and people generally tend to work their office hours and no more, but they take their time at the office very seriously (painfully so). No goofing off. They seem to get a lot done in a methodical, diligent way and they don’t seem to talk about it nearly so much as we do.
I wish I knew why, but I find myself slipping back in to ‘busython’ mode as soon as I step foot on Australian soil.
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I lament the demise of the pop-in. I love it when friends just pop over for a cuppa and a chat. Even if I’m busy, I’ll stop what I’m doing because it can’t be more important than spending time with people you love. I can fold the washing/make a phone call/cook/study/work later. However I think this phenomenon is getting rarer as everyone is so vocal about how busy they are, people are afraid of interrupting them at home.
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I agree. I love a surprise visit, but I’m too scared to do them myself for fear of interrupting people. Interrupting them from what? I have no idea come to think of it!!
But an impromptu cup of tea or glass of wine is lovely.
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I actually don’t like the pop-in. I wish I did because somehow I feel rude not being happy to say “pop in anytime.” It sounds all fun and casual but I always feel thrown when someone arrives unexpectedly. I like my privacy and want to feel ready for guests, have the house in order, the kids calm and happy. When friends or even family drop into chaos I can’t help but spend the whole time wishing they would go (and feeling bad about it). Call ahead, give me at least half an hour’s notice and come on over for a relaxed and happy visit. I do envy the hostess who is relaxed all the time!
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I could have written your comment, I’m exactly the same. I don’t cope with surprise visits either.
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Why explain yourself? Just say yes or no.
Will the word ‘busy’ become a dirty word? With three kids, full time work and weekend sports commitments that start Friday night and end Sunday afternoon, yeah I’m too busy. If you would like me to explain myself, take a ticket and I’ll get back to you when I’m vaguely interested.
There. That feels better.
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I agree Michael, just say nope, can’t do it. When people tell me how busy they are I start nodding off, so why would I bore someone with the details of my life? You could try ” I have enough on my plate and the little time I have left, well, I want to do something other than this! Don’t like it? Too bad”.
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I love this column. I seem to be saying that a lot lately. Thank you, Mamamia.
I’m self-employed and work from home. Since I’m in that position a lot of people assume that I don’t really work hard at all. When I catch up with my friends and the subject of work comes up. They are like, what would you know about hard work? You are your own boss and work from home! It does get quite annoying.
It seems these days a lot of people’s first question to me is are you busy? I’m like. Yeah…I’m busy enough. Then after they find out how busy I am, they ask how I am doing.
Anyway, I feel the people that claim to the busiest aren’t really busy at all. They just want to make out that they’re busy doing this and that to make themselves feel more important. I don’t think that it needs to be a competition. It’s quite silly. Oh yeah, I forgot, this is Australia. Don’t we tend to try and turn almost anything into a competition?
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I am way too busy but sadly it’s all with work – which means that socially I am seriously lacking. So whenever I can, i devote my weekends to scheduling almost nothing and then enjoying the silence of dog walking, the cross trainer (!) and the fact that i dont have to help anyone, manage anything or achieve any targets.
And yes, I think life has turned into a busy-off and so many of us get caught in the pressure. This can also make it hard to switch off, creating the endless circle of ‘busy-ness’ addiction.
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The last few seasons that my son played cricket the parents all agreed to pay a couple of young guys to coach the team and send around e-mails.
We then had rosters for scoring/umpiring/bringing an esky. It took the pressure off, was much fairer and the quality of the coaching was way better. The boys loved it and really looked up to their coaches.
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A great example of an innovative approach! I think it is pointless complaining nowadays that you can’t get volunteers. Clubs need to do things differently. I think in 10 years time there will be few clubs propped up by volunteers. Soon there won’t be any left and those that depend on volunteers only will sadly die out. Private companies will sadly fill the void.
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hee hee, I should have read further down before adding my own comment about this very idea above
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I think the days of clubs schools etc being able to depend on volunteers, rightly or wrongly, arr almost over. With most women back in the workforce there is a much smaller pool of people willing to do tuck shop team secretary comvenor treasurer etc. What is the answer? Clubs are going to have to be more innovative. Provide a stipend for roles. Higher fees to cover this and a discount for those willing to take roles on. Contract out canteens. Run weekend sport as a business like weekday toddler/preschooler activities (eg run like Little Kickers). people are just going to accept that if they are ‘too busy’ then it is going to cost more.
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Laughing out loud Kate!
Thank you!
Like someone said below, the one upmanship game is the same! I’ve got a friend that every time I complain about something relatively trivial eg lack of sleep, or annoying lady at my local coffee shop etc gives me examples of people who have CANCER In an attempt to “one up” me…..or maybe to shut me up!
For crying out loud – on the scale of “hard” and “tough” OF COURSE Cancer wins but if every time someone complained we told them at least the don’t have cancer it wild be a pretty warped world!
Sometimes all someone needs to hear is “shit. That sounds really tough/ exhausting / stressful / hard. Let me know if you need a hand”.
Rant over!
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Hilarious!! No honour here for being busy – I’m far too lazy.
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I know this is probably bad to admit but I am so over the “I’m working and studying” or “I’m doing my masters” etc etc as a way to one up on the busy scale. You choose to study more, longer or something new, I don’t need to hear you whine about it……drove me crazy in the office.
To be clear I am not talking about first degree students out of school. More the mid 30 year old who can’t stay back to complete a report which is holding up my work because they have to study for their masters, which in most professions doesn’t mean much anyway!
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I absolutely adore this post, Kate!
This is one of the key topics that I present on through my work. I have a free eBook available through my website on ‘The 7 Types of Busy: How to untangle yourself from doing too much’…
I think we can become ‘Badge of Honour’ Busy – we feel significant when people look at what we’re cramming in and say ‘I don’t know how you do it!’ (even if we HATE doing ‘all the things!’)
Sometimes we’re frantic busy because, if we are, we can avoid something important that we should address… being busy lets us run away from a problem.
Other times, it’s about needing to be liked, and there are a heap of other reasons why we do this to ourselves (not just to avoid stuff).
Whatever the cause, it’s great to acknowledge it, because then you can change things.
Thanks for a great discussion.
Emma
http://www.worklifebliss.com.au
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Emma I definitely identify with this avoidance approach – thanks for articulating it so well. Going online to your site right now.
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Not really the same, but a similar theme of being ‘busy’ becoming a competition, is friends that are always so ‘socially’ busy on the weekend…. I had one friend that was forever telling me how much she had on all the time, I felt like she was constantly competing with us on how many social engagements they had to attend to show how popular they were. I got so sick of hearing about it that I stopped seeing her as I couldn’t stand it anymore. The friendship just wasn’t enjoyable!
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Ugh, the “I’m so busy” game gets on my goat too. Your busy-ness is generally all of your own creation. Own it. If you don’t like what you’re doing, cut out some of your childrens’ or your own activities.
Do you know what other game I hate? The “I’ve got it tougher than you game”. Especially between Mothers: some think they have it tougher because they have more children than you, some think they have it tougher because they had their children closer together than you, some think they have it tougher because their husband doesn’t help out much, others think they have it tougher because their husband is away on business a few nights a week, some think they have it tougher because they perceive that your children are better behaved than their own (even though children are always worse-behaved at home when they bored so friends don’t see the misbehaving). It’s ridiculous.
The reality is that everyone with children struggles with stuff. These “I have it tougher than you” Mothers are just “I’m a bigger complainer than you” Mothers!
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Not just mums who play this game – they are everywhere. I get this at work all the time….
‘i’ve got a bit of a headache’
‘Oh poor you! I’ve had a migraine non stop for the past two weeks’
‘yes bit of a sore back actually’
‘Really? I have a fused ligamental spine with a massive rotator cuff anomaly. I’m in agony most of the time you know. The doctors say its a miracle I’m alive, but you know, I don’t like to complain…..”
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LOL so true. One-upmanship is alive and well in all aspects of life! It used to be actually about going one better, now it’s about going one worse than the other person… one-downmanship?!
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Well said Mooner, this really made me laugh!
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I had a friend who was so bad at this that a few times if i had a headache or a weird lump i would always shrug and say “probably cancer what can you do something has to kill you!!” freaked her out and shut her up weeeeee!!!
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I schedule myself in a “DAY OF ZEN” every 4-6 weeks, and do NOTHING. Take to my bed, read, lay in the sun, whatever, NOTHING!!! No guilt whatsoever. This is despite juggling a 5 year old (non disabled, but feisty as hell) and 6 year old (with multiple disabilities), 3 part time jobs, house, school council, voluntary work, whatever….as many of us do.
Guess what?? The world continues to revolve on its axis!!
Let’s start a counter revolution ladies!!!
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i love this! Michelle i’m going to borrow your idea and try a day of zen each month as well.
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Good on you Jen! Book a few in now. You’ll feel like you’ve been on holiday-happy, relaxed and everyone in your life benefits then!
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Same here except I call it a “mental health day” I just don’t tell anyone, cause with own business, part time job, four kids, everyone thinks it’s selfish to take time for yourself…. Let me tell u I would really and truely be insane without those days. Shrugg off the guilt and enjoy it I say
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I am the President of my kids’ school, volunteer a minimum of 5 days per week for a charity and am trying to learn to say the word “no”!
I have previously been manager of cricket teams, soccer teams, netball teams, and have decided that this year is my year to say no. I completely understand that community sports organisations are run entirely by volunteers, and my kids are at a school with 470 families, yet it is ALWAYS the same people doing everything.
I actually tried to quit my role as P&C President this year, but no one was there to take it on, and I was talked into doing it for “one more year” (or maybe two or three), and am such a sucker that I convinced myself that it’s not really that hard or time consuming.
So, epic fail on my ability to say the word “NO”.
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It funny you write this article now, cos i was just thinking today about it! I am busy but Im also not busy…does that make sense? Im house bound with pregnancy problems, but i have a business and a 4 year old so i am working from home but from my bed…but even when i am able to walk around and work normally, yes im busy but i just kinda think thats how the day is meant to go and we always have Sunday off to have family time! What made me think about this today was that lately on facebook i have noticed a few people who seem to only do their status updates with a list of what they have done that day
eg: did two loads of laundry, vacumed, picked up daughter from kindy, made dinner blah blah….and when they list it, u kinda think whoa what a busy day, but then i think about it, and in all honestly its never really that much, just normal every day stuff that i would just do and not even think about, but these people need to list them and wait for the sympathy comments and the wow your are so busy and a great mum and it kinda shits me. I think cos they list these “busy” days all the time is what annoys me. And although i would probably normally have a much busier day than these people i really dont feel the need to list them and tell the world what a busy awesome superhuman i am.
Its so weird, and its almost like a insecurity blabbing about “how busy” they are…. if i dont want to be busy, i just slow down a little and take a breath.
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you do realise that the more you say yes the more people ask..if you are a slacker mum no one ever asks you! mind you if it weren’t for the say yes mums, us slacker mums would have to pitch in…..
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Agreed. The whole ‘Ohhh, I’m just so busy!’ thing is frustrating in particular situations, when you KNOW you actually have more on your plate than them! Perhaps their time management isn’t amazing? Also, I hate ‘being busy’ as a complete cop out for not connecting with family and friends. Let’s put it all down to- we’re all busy. Still, if you really want to stay in contact, it has to go both ways! I face this a lot with uni friends.
I definitely and completely empathise. Also, I have, and will continue to experience extreme busy-mode, but why is everyone subconsciously competing to be the most occupied person on the planet? When did ‘I’m free’ become a sinful phrase? One which would evoke others to think ‘You’re FREE? What are you DOING with your life that actually allows you free time???’…. Haha! Nowadays, I say ‘My timings are flexible’ instead of ‘I’m free’
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I agree. It is like the ‘busiest’ of people hang their whole sense of worth on being just that..the busiest. Like people will look down on them for not being occupied all the time. That is what I think it is about, people needing to define themselves through their busy-ness which could translate to how they perceive themselves, ie, I’m busy because of all my friends, my work, my social life etc etc and if i didn’t have all these things to be busy with i might be seen as….well..boring!
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Perfect timing Mamamia…
I just spent a week blogging about how those who do volunteer get stuck with so much to do while others sit back with no responsibility except to complain about the very few who are trying to accomplish 1000 things each.
For instance, I am the Elected Secretary for our local Speedway club… I am also the Race Secretary (a racing official), the Licence Manager for the bar, the Grants Projects Manager and the Event Coordinator – because no one else put their hands up for any of the roles.
On top of this, I also volunteer for another community project – I’ve tried to replace myself four times. Those four people all quit within 1 week because they were “too busy”.
I’m over it.
I want to NOT be busy – I want to have a few hours to myself every second day.
*sigh*
Who wants a volunteer position? I’ve got a couple to spare… I’ll even train you
http://thefridgedoorblog.com
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I totally get that! I volunteer (happily) for a national organisation and I’m a bit over the people who think they come up with great ideas then expect other people to implement them. Either that or their expectations of other volunteers is too high and they get shirty and don’t want to work together.
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Welcome to my world. I got roped into doing publicity for our local community theatre. Then I got pregnant and tried to pass it off to someone else. I’ve since had 5 people be trained up to do the job – all of them aware that I was about to drop a baby or am currently taking care of a baby. All of them have since either dropped off the face of the earth or have had “amazing new career opportunities”. Strangely enough just when they have had to do some work.
I’m now about to pass the role on to our president since I’m pregnant again. So at least we know it will get done but its just adding to another volunteering person’s workload.
We also manage the people who volunteer to do our Front of House at the theatre. I get people who ring up an hour before a show to say that they’re “busy” and can’t make it to do front of house. Er thanks. Your replacement is a four month pregnant women with bad sciatica.
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I more than understand that – you were me 2yrs ago.
I was supposed to be on bedrest but agreed to be at the track to hold the liquor license for one night on the basis that I was sitting down the whole time and not physically on my feet (this was 6mths pregnant during nights with temperatures of 30C+ and suffering SPD & increased blood pressure).
I turned up an hour before the license began. The two people who were supposed to be volunteering didn’t show. So I shut the door to the bar and told the commentator to broadcast that it was shut due to unforeseen circumstances.
I had members critizing that decision at the following committee meeting and as I pointed out – I called all 6 of the RSA-Accreditted members of our club. Everyone was too busy, so that bar didn’t open.
Did they expect me to start lugging cartons and 10kg bags of ice around? I don’t think so guys
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Ahhh the people who criticise but don’t step forward and volunteer. Don’t you love them?
We get this guy who comes to all our shows and is always telling me our artwork (for the poster, banner etc) is crap. Nevermind that I spend ages with graphic designers making our promotional material look as professional as possible, this guy always has a critique. I asked him once if I could send the posters to him to see what he thinks but strangely enough he doesn’t have the time for that (he is retired and always tells me how lonely he is….). You really can’t win.
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The word busy? It shits me! My sister is partly paralysed because of her brain tumours and struggles with everyday tasks that we all take for granted. She has a daughter with down syndrome who now has a carer to help her get ready for school because my sister is unable to do it. My arsehole brother and his wife who are perfectly healthy with healthy independant kids (they live 2 hour drive away) do no more than any other modern family say they are too busy to phone her once in a while/let alone visit. It’s very insulting, my sister doesn’t have the physical ability to be busy, she hasn’t heard from him since new years day. saying you are too busy for something important like family is a convenient cop out.
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Great point to make, Brizzy. Some people dream of being busy. All the best to you and your sister and her daughter.
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I’m not busy all the time. I could certainly fit more in, but I choose not to because I like having down time. When I’m at work, I am very busy, it is the nature of my job and that is fine because I chose to do it and I love it. It also means when I come home, I don’t want to do much else. Shift work does that to you, well to me anyway.
I also have uni, and I like to keep a good grade average, so I work hard. When I’m not at work or doing uni work, I don’t feel guilty about getting my nails done or going out or veging on the couch.
It’s my life, I choose to be busy or not busy, as does everyone. It shouldn’t be a competition – what’s the prize? More stress? Failed friendships? If you want to do something, do it. If you don’t, don’t. It’s your life, don’t apologise!!
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Perfect. Couldn’t agree with you more.
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This happens on the school’s P&Cs all too often as well. Had our AGM on Monday night, nearly had to re-schedule as we were one person short to be able to hold a meeting, thankfully one more turned up. Sad to say though, we are with out a president. Not one parent in a school of 600+ kids put their hand up to volunteer. It really doesn’t take that much time to help out on the P&C or your child’s sports club committee.
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This will be my husband’s third year as sports team manager. He loves it. He actually volunteers happily. When else will we get the chance to be so involved in our 12 year old’s life? There are huge bonuses – Friday night footy, bbqs and generally just being around watching our boy grow. I’ve been team manager for my daughter’s sports team as well as the ballet mum. I do enjoy being part of their lives whilst they are still keen for me to be? There is a point at which we have to say no – we both work full time and do have to do household chores at some point – but these are the choices we all have to make. I feel fortunate that I have these choices and I have to say I am trying very hard not to say I’m busy because everyone is just as busy as I am, their choices may just be in different places.
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Sounds like you know what is important!
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The parent volunteer thing is cutting close to the bone today – I’ve been volunteering at swimming all week (lots of MamaMia while waiting for the next bus to arrive!). Today is 38′ and my feet are swollen, but I’m off to help kindy out because they couldn’t get 9 adults to help out of 90 enrolments. My husband isn’t home to watch the kids so I’ve got the two older kids selling drinks, and if anyone complains they get the wrong change and going to tell them they should have volunteered!
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great post! I just had yesterday this phone conversation with a friend, that I haven’t seen in months (4 to be exact, also we haven’t talked since christmas(!)). And first thing she said, after I asked how she was, was “good, sorry I didn’t even try to call you”…”I was so busy busy busy with …(daughter), how are your girls, you must be busy with them too! my response:”it’s all right, most times are busy but I still have time…”
I have actually started to think, maybe this is a clue that our friendship is over. Am I wrong here? any ideas? (before I had my second daughter, we managed to catch up on a weekly basis, after my second bub, it was much less, and I think mainly because she thinks that I don’t have time)
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I think friendships come and go and especially so when our children come along. I’ve found that even though I don’t always catch up with people as often as I used to it is wonderful when I do. Don’t break up the friendship. Give it some space and time and it may work.
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Give it time yes but it does make you think of those that do give their time in spite of their busy-ness. Speaking from recent personal experience, it means a lot to know people will take time, even if just a short time for you. And says alot that don’t seem to make Much effort…has prompted me to me more giving of my time as it really is a special thing
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Not necessarily. Whatever time you get together is precious. It’s more when you have a friend who says she can’t make the time for the things you suggest to do together…and then her photos on facebook show her doing those things with another friend. That’s a nice, subtle hint! *Un-friend*
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Thank you guys for your replies. It definitely gave me more positive thoughts. Your quite right that there are times with less time for each other, and other times with more time for each other.
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I think busy ness comes and goes. You can be busy for periods and not for periods, with differing lengths to each of them. I’ve at times been very busy, but lately have been….not. I’m ok with admitting that I haven’t been doing a lot too. Being constantly busy would just shit me.
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Kate this is off the subject here but I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy your writing (even sponsored posts)!! You are my favorite writer on mamamia. Another article I loved was on sisters which I think was written by your sister! I emailed it on to mine!
Back to the topic, my poor sister volunteered to coach her daughters basketball team about 5 years ago and no matter how hard she tries cannot handball it. That’s another problem with taking on a junior sporting job, you can’t get rid of it. She had no basketball experience and is ready to fake her own death to get out of it.
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Hey thanks Rebecca
Advice to your sister – my kids’ school needed a new tuckshop convenor. Week after week the newsletter appealed for takers. So they shut down the tucky. Before the end of term, a few hands were raised and the job was filled. Sometimes you gotta treat ‘em mean.
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Kate I think we live in the same suburb, and totally identify with you. Last week my daughter’s sporting team asked for a manager – two parents physically took a step back (I’m not really here – you can’t see me!), and one turned around to talk to someone else, mmm so busy busy… I volunteered and have done for the past 4 years in other teams, and really, it’s not onerous. I love how everyone uses renovating as the reason they’re busy – god everyone I know in Kate/can do land is renovating… But ppl you’re paying someone to do it, not physically doing the building yourself!!!
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I think it needs to be a non voluntary shared rotating duty of agreeing to let your kids participate in these activities, it seems to work for some kindys and childcare centres, so why not for this? Or, it needs to become a paid position, which of course, would up the fees. Most people just don’t want to do it otherwise.
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Oh I LOVE this Kate! I am soo over the busy one-upmanship, it happens a lot. I’m in Perth so clearly it’s a nationwide epidemic!
We all have lives to lead, just because you happen to have more things on the Thursday after next does not make you more important than anyone else
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Ok, so I’m a little bit guilty. But I’ve got a good excuse!
I ran into a girlfriend two weeks into school and did the whole ‘I’m so busy’ business, but it’s true! I was! It took me at least two weeks to plan the daily activies of my children. Now that everything is scheduled, I can get back into some sort of rhythm.
What I hate is the mothers who you run across in the supermarket and hope for a two minute ‘so how is life, how’s the family’ conversation and get the whole: well, on Monday Jeremy is doing trumpet followed by Polo, and then of course on Tuesday Catherine is doing swimming and drama. Wednesday Jeremy is, Catherine is, Rowing is, Swimming is, Golf is, blah, blah, blah, I don’t give a shit!
How are you? Are you happy, are you well, how is the new puppy? I don’t need the day to day breakdown of each of your childs activities!!!!!
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I think they do that to fill a void in their own lives. You didnt ask about what activities their kids were doing, you were asking about THEM! Its a bit like the whole family tagging along to a 6 year olds birthday party. Its not a family day out, its an outing for your child!
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Not sure what I think of this one.
I think I am a little over-committed this year in terms of extra-curricular activities for the kids which then translates to more need for parent help. In the past week alone I’ve been asked about helping with the band at school, doing canteen and managing or coaching the soccer team(s). So far I’ve responded with a no, a no and I’ll do it if pushed.
I already do around 4 hours of volunteer work a week around managing 2 school aged kids and a non-sleeping baby. It’s not that I’m trying to compete about being more busy than anyone else, but more just saying that it’s not that I’m being lazy but there’s only a certain amount I can commit to.
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the busy thing is interesting, i witness it the work place where people still equate “busy” as being “productive”. it is my understanding that this is not necessarily so. even though i have a solid diary and do multiple things (work, study, make art, do projects, have relationships) i tend to work more calmly and to some external observers make my life or job look “easy”. some people read this as me not working as “hard” as the person who is always running around and complaining about how “busy” they are.
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You know thats true! I remember a guy I worked with was always flapping around stressed out about how busy he was, coming into the office on weekends and working really late. When he left, his replacement (a working mum) was soon moved to part-time hours because she was bored and could easily do his job in less time.
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And what’s the bet that when this super-efficient woman leaves, that they realise they need a full timer to replace her?
It’s happened to me a couple times, now.
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Totally. Agree.
I’m sure there is a proverb that matches this sentiment. Not the squeaky wheel getting the most oil… but something else about the people making the most noise getting the least done.
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Oooh you hit my pet peeve right on the head with this one Kate, specifically in a work environment. I can work long hours if I need to, not have time to take a lunch break and still be thinking about work when I go to bed at night BUT I can do this without tutting and groaning and whining in the office to anyone close enough to hear about how incredibly busy I am, how I am so much busier than anyone else in teh office, and how oh my God, it’s three o’clock and I haven’t had time to pee yet today!
A colleague of mine however seems to have to broadcast it from the roof tops if her to-do list has more than two items on it, groans with frustration when her phone rings because she’s too busy to answer it, and talks about how she is possibly the busiest person in the whole ENTIRE WORLD right now! All this while she can stroll in the door a half hour late every day, take a full hour lunch break and stroll out the door bang on time..
God it felt good to get that off my chest.. Thanks MM!
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Oh Kate, I love this post, everything you wrote is so true! I can’t bear how business has become a competitive sport, especially amongst mothers. You are seen as lazy if you admit to being anything other than frantic and exhausted, so many women wear it like a badge of honour. I think all the technology enables work to follow us everywhere these days which doesn’t help either.
I recently declined a position on our school P&F because between a part time job, two primary aged children and a husband who travels a lot for work I just couldn’t manage it. You wouldn’t believe the guilt trip I got from the other mothers about it, “we’re all busy” they said. I pointed out to them that everyone has their own limit of what they can take on, and mine might appear to be less than theirs but it was all I could manage without getting run down.
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We moved to a small country town a couple of years ago in order to be *less* busy. We outright paid for our very cheap house, and both of us can happily work from home part-time. We haven’t been lucky enough to have children so we don’t even have those busy things to occupy our time.
So I’ve got HEAPS of time to follow my hobbies – reading, craft, gardening… and what used to be my most favourite hobby, music, has turned into my profession, because I’ve had time enough to nurture it that way.
I love my life, absolutely wouldn’t change it for the world.
But I have an issue with one of my DH’s cousins who *constantly* lists ALL of the things that keeps her life oh so busy, and she can’t understand how anyone can live an un-busy life like ours. It’s as if we don’t deserve it, and she’s angry with us for it. But she’s the one who’s decided to live in the middle of the trendy part of Sydney, so of course she needs three jobs to pay for her rent, blah blah blah. It’s her choice. Not ours.
Having said that, one of my dearest friends in this town is recently retired and she doesn’t have enough hobbies to occupy her time, and really really frets over constantly having nothing to do. Makes me realise how important it is to have hobbies, and how few people have any.
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