Nath Valvo, public transport snob.
by NATH VALVO
I’m about to come out of the closet (again).
My name is Nath Valvo, and I’m a public transport snob.
A few years ago when I first moved out of home (my mum is still crying) I was a public transport-taking machine. Most days of my life would include several Tram and Train rides.
I enjoyed myself on public transport, good time to listen to music (Kylie), catch up with the important online news sites (Perez Hilton), and not to mention logging on to Grindr as I passed through new suburbs.
I used to be “that guy” banging his drum to his mates about the environmental and financial benefits of not using a car.
Then my situation changed.
Last year when my little sister decided to head overseas for 2 years, I inherited her Toyota Starlet (it’s a lovely masculine aqua colour). Naturally, when this little aqua coloured treasure was handed to me I start driving it from A to B … then to C … then everywhere else in between.
It was a very easy transition. Driving a car is nice. It’s warm. It’s private. I can scratch myself. I can sing loud (and amazingly).Good times indeed.
Before I knew it I had been driving the car for almost a year.
A fortnight ago it decided to stop working (the thingy-majiggy part was broken) forcing me to go back to public transport for my travels. This didn’t bother me, as I had no qualms with the good ol’ Tram.
But by the second Tram I took on that first day back, I noticed that I had changed as a public transport user. Our relationship had changed … I had changed (Sorry Tram 96, it’s not you, it’s me). I couldn’t relax and listen to my music. I couldn’t concentrate on reading my trashy news, what was going on?
As I looked around my carriage, it became clear to me that majority of the people sitting near me or around me, put simply, annoyed me.
“Get over yourself Nath,” I hear you say? I agree completely.
This.
But I had two choices. 1. To get over myself. Or 2. MAKE A LIST!!
SO I MADE A LIST!
This is a list of the most annoying people on Public Transport (do you recognise any?)
1. The Salami Guy:
How many times have you had to endure the stench of salami from a commuter who has decided to eat their cold meat based lunch, much to the displeasure of you and everyone else in a 25-metre proximity?
2. The pill popper:
I cannot recall the 19-year-old pill popper asking for my permission to blare his dub step out of his earphones at 8.16 am. (I grew up in a household where a strict No Skrillex before lunchrule was enforced)
3. Highschool Girls:
Perhaps I should invest in a pair of industrial earplugs, which would help filter out the high pitched squawking of high school girls debating about whether Harry or Zayne is the hottest member of One Direction (It’s Zayne).
4. The Fare Evader:
I am partial to a decent shoulder massage (who isn’t?) so how about fare evaders provide us with this service whilst we sit here footing the ever-rising ticket prices to cover their illegal journey?
5. The B.O Guy:
We all have our briefcases, handbags, instruments (and crosses as it seems) to bare on Public Transport, so why not try adding another staple item… a deodorant can attached to your key ring to soak up the profuse stench of B.O. on the guy who always decides to sit next to you every morning.
6. The Horny Business Woman:
Surely I cannot be the only commuter who is sick of staring at the covers of 50 shades of grey. Ladies, how would you feel if I whipped out my laptop and started streaming some gay porn from Xtube on the tram? We are all sexually frustrated – keep it in the bedroom please.
Memo: We can’t all spread out with a broadsheet newspaper.
7. The Reader of broadsheet newspapers:
Speaking of reading, please take note of the following suggestion all you readers of The Age, The Australian and The Sydney Morning Herald newspaper, next time throw on some leg warmers and do some star jumps – trust me – it will take up less space.
8. The Couple Fighting:
Nothing reaffirms my homosexuality more than hearing the crazy girlfriend have a fight with her stoned boyfriend loud enough so the entire train can hear. I often pray the next stop (crazy town) is hers.
Wow, see what catching public transport does to me? It makes me really judgmental, and for a gay guy that is really uncommon!
The car is now back from the mechanic and ready to go. It’s now up to me again how I choose to travel around. Driving a car is really bad for my wallet. Driving a car is really bad for the environment. Driving a car keeps me well away from the list of people above…
I’ve made my decision.
To the future generations who will inherit this earth: I am sorry. But that whole environment caper, ain’t gonna be around.
My name is Nath Valvo, and I’m a public transport snob.
Nath Valvo is a comedian based in Melbourne. He can be heard on the Nova FM network and will one day host his own talk show. You can follow him on twitter here.
Do you take public transport? Have you met any of the public transport-takers on this list? Are there any missing?
Comments
242 Comments so far
Don’t forget the guy who eats a whole roast chicken with his hands and leaves bones, and salad scraps all over the floor when he gets off the train. The guy with BO and tourettes who sits in front of me wherever I happen to be sitting on the bus every afternoon. The old lady who leans over me to put her finger on the “next stop” button, but holds it there, leaning on me for about two blocks before I finally get the shits and press it for her. Then the bus that’s so early I miss it, or doesn’t even turn up so Ieither way I have to wait over half an hour till the next one. I hope to be able to afford a car in the new year, but there’s nowhere to park where I work.
(
loading...
I love catching the bus and I even prefer it to cars. I just HATE HATE HATE it when people (usually back seaters) blast their sh*tty music. Are they trying to be cool?
loading...
I turn from a zenlike creature into the hulk on public transport…. so much that I often choose to walk and hour to and from work in peak hour.
People with bags on their seat are the worst of the worst. I have no problem asking them if they can move it please, so a human being can sit down.
loading...
Today I saw a girl put her filthy ugg boots up on the seat, visibly dirty everywhere, piles of dirt. I thought of this post and nearly said something but wasn’t in a confrontational mood on the way to work. On the same train a few rows back was an older woman, nicely dressed, with her feet up too! Also with a bag on the seat next to her. So on a 3/4 full train she had taken up 3 out of 4 seats! People.
I did however tell off someone AFTER work who barged through the barrier. I have less patience after work.
I need to be let through the barrier, regional ticket. The traffic goes both ways. Ettiquette is a few go one way, a few the other way, or one for one. It usually sorts itself out. This woman barged through when it was very clearly my turn. I called after her ‘that’s fine, you have your turn’. Sometimes I can be the PT police. I am also fond of stopping and saying ‘you let people OFF before you get ON’ when I see that heinous crime.
loading...
I once overheard a girl telling her friends (extremely loudly) about how she loves having white sheets, but has had to learn how to bleach them well because of all the things that can stain white sheets… I’ll let you work that one out!
loading...
People who repeatedly sniff back big mucousy grots instead of blowing their nose. Or people who sit right next to you when there is an empty carriage.
loading...
I saw a man clip his toenails on the train once… O_O
The worst is the peak hour commute. The push to get on and off the train, the chance of air conditioning/heating or not, and then the guys who feel it necessary to leave an imprint of their body on yours. I’m pretty much armpit height on most people so BO is my mortal enemy.
loading...
I saw a woman clipping her husbands toenails and not even picking them up. I snapped and yelled at her. Dumb cow.
loading...
i actually dont mind annoying public transport, keeping in mind that anyone can be one without noticing, myself i think i can be talkitive in like a bus and everyone looks at me like their trying to tell me to shut up, but otherwise i really dont mind unless, if they dont burst my bubble, no i am not a clean freak, yes i like to keep my personal space!!!
loading...
I get horrid motion sickness. Usually it helps if I sit at the very front of the bus and can see everything. I have been abused by more bus drivers than I can count who say “That seat is reserved for pregnant and the elderly” – I ALWAYS move is an older person or pregnant lady looks to be getting on the bus. I move to the next seat back. I am not being rude by sitting in the front seat – I think it would be much worse having to clean up my vomit!
loading...
What about bread bowlers?
And Shakespearean drunks? I think you missed Shakespearean drunks.
http://haught.com.au/my-email-to-yarra-trams/
loading...
Why was the gentleman allocated the seat in the first place.Virgin ground staff would have been able to see where the kids were sitting. It could have Severn him and the some embaressment.
loading...
My public transport pet peeve is men who feel entitled to half of my seat because they have testicles. Keep your damn legs together. Second biggest peeve is people who got seats feeling entitled to get off the bus before people who’ve been standing up.
I got to listen to the most amazing conversation on the train the other day. I learnt more about illicit drugs and prison than I ever wanted to know. While they were listening to Beyonce. There were come kids in the same carriage. They were singing along to the music, so hopefully they weren’t paying attention to all the c-bombs, who was going to bash who, and who breached their parole by being caught with speed. This is what happens when you are on a Caboolture/Ipswich train going through the Valley. Still not my weirdest public transport moment. That would be when the guy in pyjama bottoms, a poncho, and one glove stared at me and stared at me and stared at me until I got up and changed carriages. Then he followed me. I got off at the next stop even though I will half an hour away from my station.
loading...
My worst experience was being crammed into a tram, practically sitting on the lap of a girl who had a seat and was quietly picking away at the psoriasis on her hands..and when she stood up to get off at her stop, a cloud of her dead skin floated away….GROSSS. Tuna/Salami man is a dream after that horror.
loading...
Here’s a thought! Why don’t we organise some of those mothers who insist on educating their children about manners (good) in a really loud voice (bad), to man the trains with their children and explain all these things that bug us! We could use child actors and set them up to put dirty shoes on the seats etc and have the mothers “explain” how inconsiderate it is etc etc!
Ok , when I say why don’t we organise it, I don’t actually mean me……
loading...
Aw, this was really funny!
But why did you have to bring up your sexuality? It doesn’t add to the story, doesn’t add to the gags.
It’s really ok. We are cool with gay people. You don’t need to make a piont about it, especially when it has absolutely nothing to do with the humour.
Just really jarred for me.
loading...
I have never had many problems on public transport.
It might have something to do with the fact I’ve always lived in inner city Brisbane and caught buses specifically from or near the area I live in, as opposed to the train that goes through about 20 suburbs. Maybe I’m just lucky!
loading...
I think it’s Brisbane. I don’t drive and have been using buses, trains and the Citycats most days since I moved here almost 20 years ago. 99.5% of those trips have been fine. Then again I do avoid peak hour, maybe it’s different then?
loading...
I watched women inThailand reading Fifty Shades while getting their feet massaged! Not cool!!!
As for broadsheets please don’t wish them away they will be gone before you know it anyway!
loading...
Sniffers really give me the irrits.
loading...
Best laugh Ive had in ages. Glad you cleared up that about One Direction, as I couldn’t decide between those nice boys!
Havent got a car I’m one of the lucky ones who live in a part of Sydney with good public transport and yes I do read the SMH on the bus
loading...
Take your frickin feet off the seat. When I lived in Oz, I would always tell people to get their feet off but now living in London Im too scared as Id probably get stabbed. But im constantly surprised at the type of people who do this. Like normal looking people. Would you get your shoe and wipe it down the back of your coat, trousers or dress? No? Well don’t put your ruddy shoes on the seat!
loading...
Normal looking people???
loading...
The picture above summed up my number one pet peeve- the woman sitting with her bag next to her on the seat.
Now in her situation, the bus is empty- so that’s A-okay. I understand the appeal. Your bag stays off the (probably) dirty floor. All is well.
BUT when people do that at PEAK HOUR…. well, that’s when I start to mull over whether death is a harsh enough punishment for them. How does it make sense to someone ‘oh, I’m in a crowded bus, best to take up two seats instead of one.’ Does that make sense? No!
I also get so uncomfortable when people won’t stand up for an elderly person/pregnant woman, and I’m sitting down, but too far away to give them my seat. I get so agitated!
However I did manage to pick up an amazing sex tip from two girls on a bus once. They were speaking (unintentionally, I hope) at the tops of their voices about their sex lives, I heard the entire conversation, and now I use it all the time.
Hmmm
loading...
Share the tip!!
loading...
Looking quite young and innocent I seem to attract some questionable characters on PT.
Particularly a man who grabbed me, pushed me up against a wall and wouldn’t let go while I screamed and cried. The fact that it was peak hour at southern cross station and not one person came to my assistance is shameful. (at the time I was 16 and the man was at least 20 years older)
loading...
that is really appalling, both the attack and no one helping you.
loading...
That is terrible! That no one helped you is really horrific.
loading...
This is the greatest article of all time.
I commute to and from uni three days a week and it’s 1.5 hours each way. It sucks, and I experience all of the above multiple times in a week. Sometimes in a day, if I’m really lucky!!
My favourite is the after-school trains that are full of smelly teenagers. Mmm, that lovely classroom-after-lunch-on-a-hot-day smell which fills the entire carriage. It is just delightful. Vom.
Oh and here in Sydney, Cityfail is trialing quiet carriages (on my line, argghhh) but don’t be fooled by the name. I accidentally sat in one once and it was the WORST trip home ever. It’s not a “quiet” carriage, it’s a “carriage for cranky old commuters who will rip your head off if you breathe too loudly because they think the train is their personal work space and they therefore reserve the right to total, utter, undisturbed silence” – it was awful.
The point is, public transport is crapola.
loading...
Great article, I definitely laughed out loud reading this one! How often I catch public transport depends on where I work/study/live. At certain periods in my life I’ve caught it several times a day whilst others, hardly at all. I am currently working in the ‘burbs so I drive to and from work every day, however, I recently broke a bone in my hand which meant that I couldn’t drive for a while and had to catch the train to and from work, how fun! Some comments:
1. Like others have mentioned I HATE people that listen to doof doof music REALLY loud. Not everyone enjoys your taste in music. Turn it DOWN.
2. I actually quite like listening to people’s phone conversations, I think it’s funny! Some of them talk about very personal things and seem to forget they are on public transport with plenty of total strangers to listen into their phone call.
3. I didn’t catch public transport for a year in between starting a job in the ‘burbs last year and breaking my hand and having to catch the train to and from work for a couple of weeks just recently. In the interim, 50 Shades of Grey was released!! In the short time that I caught public transport recently I saw several women/young girls reading this book on the train. Their expression will often be barely disguised lust and one even blushed and giggled. EVERYONE knows what the context of this book si so everyone on the train thus knows that you are reading literary porn and that’s why you have THAT expression on your face. I think it’s quite funny!
On another note, i used to catch the bus every day when I lived in China. These buses were always dirty, old, falling apart, smelly, and packed like sardines. In China it is socially acceptable to spit, well, pretty much everywhere and my pet peeve used to be people making the ‘haarrrghhhh’ sound and then spitting on the bus floor. Gross. Is it that hard to wait until you get off the bus?
One funny story from when I lived in China was when an old woman’s phone began to ring. The ring tone was REALLY loud and it was “lick my neck, my back, my pussy and my crack.” I don’t think anyone else on the bus spoke any English because they didn’t bat an eyelid but I couldn’t stop laughing and I’m sure everyone wondered why the nutcase foreigner was sitting there giggling to herself on the bus
loading...
The only thing worse than the ‘salami guy’ is the tuna guy!
loading...
No, the dim sim guy!
loading...
Oh, god yes. Even before I was vegan there was no way I ever thought dim sims should be eaten in a crowded public space. They smell like rotten farts!
loading...
On the coogee to city bus in sydney in the morning I try to sit near a backpacker…the Irish girls in particular can’t last without pulling out the mobile and calling home. I love it! I get to hear some great stories….even better when they call mum first and then a friend back home….the contrasting stories are fantastic. There must be cheap mobile deals to Ireland.
loading...
probably see you on that bus!
loading...
My sister once asked an English girl on a bus to please keep her voice down as she was yelling into the phone , and then had to hear the girl tell her mother in England how this Australian $^&$%* had told her off.
I gather it caused quite an incident !
loading...
I am still feeling sorry for your Mum, crying after you have left home..
loading...
Sorry if this has already been bought up – but here in Sydney at the train stations there used to be (or is there still? I no longer commute) cartoons talking about the different type of annoying passengers and one of them used was ‘putting on make-up’.
Can I ask what’s so offensive about it? I would never do it if someone was siting next to me because of possibly elbowing them or accidentally getting product on them, and I would never spray perfume or anything because of the smell (and NEVER nail polish. I get why that is rude!!), but if I was running late for work and sitting alone on the seat, I would definitely apply foundation and mascara on the train. I still don’t get why it was advertised as being awful. I genuinely want to know!
loading...
I was wondering that too! Noticed a few people have put that in these comments and I do it every day! No idea how it would annoy anyone :S I just put on a bit of powder and eyeliner and mascara. Not like I’m super noisy doing it and I’ve never even come close to knocking anyone. And it doesn’t smell.
loading...
From what I’ve overheard other people say when I’ve actually been sitting on a train, they feel doing your hair and makeup is personal grooming and belongs at home in your bathroom and should not be done in public. I’ve heard it said that it’s the equivalent of a man clipping his nasal hair in public
loading...
Hmm I personally don’t see it, clipping nasal hair is dirtying the bus and is yuck. Like all these people commenting that they see people clipping their nails on the bus, I can’t believe people do that. Really don’t see how me applying eyeliner is thsame :S oh well, as another person said, id rather sleep in those extra 15 minutes and be judged by a stranger!
loading...
Women should be able to apply make up on Public Transport is she wishes to do so HOWEVER a true magician never reveals his tricks.
loading...
whoa,
you don’t like women all that much do you, nath? seriously, the high school girls, horny business women and crazy girlfriends… all very gendered and unnecessary in the list.
how about ALL highschool kids, and men who read zoo magazine and both partners in the fighting couple?
i appreciate your attempt at humour in a very familiar list-piece, but it felt like thinly veiled contempt for women, and general joshing at humanity.
i hope you might be able see why it might seem pretty loaded and unpleasant.
all the best.
t
loading...
Glad i wasnt the only one that thought that as they were reading- especially the ‘fighting couple one’. Talk about sweeping generalisations! If I made similar comments about a gay couple I would be accused of homophobia.
loading...
Hey Just Taff, thanks for the feedback.
Please know – tongue planted heavily in cheek when writing this list!
All the best.
N
loading...
I know Nath. I can see that you were just joking. But it’s the underlying unpleasant gendered stereotypes I think you should examine.
I suspect you actually like and admire a lot of women. The ones that you know. Where a kind of ….almost passive, unrealised sexism/racism/ageism/homophobia still exists is when people have these feelings towards the “others” they don’t know, but are loving and tolerant of the ones they do know. You know: “Oh, s/he’s a NICE Muslim/gay person, not like the others. You’d hardly know s/he was X.”
See what I mean?
And bless you, you’ve come back with the old chestnut that you were only joking.
This will sound patronising. And I sincerely don’t mean it to. But you’re young. You have much to learn about yourself. As we all did, myself included, at your age.
Do spend a few more moments thinking about this from time to time though. I get the feeling that one day you’ll “get” what I’m saying and you’ll squirm about this. You’re human, and we’ve all done it.
Take care Nath, and thanks for taking time to reply.
loading...
Agreed. In my experience being on public transport with a group of teenage boys is just as bad as being stuck with a group of teenage girls! And my reaction to the couple comment was ‘so gay couples don’t ever fight in public?’
loading...
I remember taking our 5 year old into Perth on the Mandurah train line. We get to Cockburn Station (pronounced Coburn)
” No hun, its coburn, not COCKburn”
“but it says COCKburn”
“shhh, I know sweetie, but we dont say it that way”
“But its COCKburn”
“Lets have a look and see what the next stop is shall we”
loading...
I HATE PUBLIC TRANSPORT!
Bogans, people who blast their music because they think everyone wants to listen to it, inconsiderate people who don’t stand up for disabled/pregnant woman, people who talk so damn loudly on phones, i hate them all.
I caught public transport for 2 years to and fro from university and then had enough.
loading...
That picture is freaking hilarious.
If I could get the single seat at the back I’d put my sunglasses on and go to sleep. Pretty sure I’ve been that girl on the right. Shit I hope no one took a photo of me and turned it into a meme!
loading...
I enjoyed this post immensely!
Living in London, it is virtually impossible not to catch public transport so I do it daily. All those people you listed annoy me to pieces too. You forgot one, though:
9. The (Personal) Space Invader:
If you get on the bus/tube/train and I am one of four other people on there, DON’T SIT NEXT TO ME! I have no problem sitting next to strangers on transport when it’s busy but when there are a million empty seats throughout the rest of the carriage/bus, it is just awkward and weird that you chose to sit on top of me instead.
By the way, it would make my day if you started streaming gay porn on my tube. Make. My. Day.
loading...
People who put their bags on the seat!!! Selfish arses.
loading...
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES Or when heaps of people on the tram/train/bus sit in the seat pair by themselves, so when a group gets on there’s a bunch of single people scattered all over the seat pairs – hence group can’t sit together and has to talk over everyone else in order to communicate! And then people say they don’t want to be annoyed!
loading...
Nath, I love your posts! And Zayne is definitely the only attractive member of one direction. But…. I actually think that the crazy people on public transport make it more fun! Like the time some guy next to me was smoking a joint in the smoking carriage of a train in England….
loading...
Well we don’t all catch the same train as Snoop Dog do we!
loading...
Zayn. Not Zayne. And for the other post recently, it’s Louis, not Louie. Please people. These are the pressing matters of society, clearly.
loading...
I’m glad someone finally pointed this out!
loading...
Tram 96 is my tram too Nath, we must be neighbours! I find the public transport circus more entertaining than anything – junkies, crazies, and ahem, working girls. Thank you for the laughs St Kilda.
loading...
I loved the list but can I just ask why your homosexuality really needed to become such a prominent motif? I’m not even slightly homophobic, I just don’t understand why you felt the need to point it out every few sentences…
loading...
Once a guy sat next to me on a tram and told me I was gaining weight. We’d never met before.
loading...
worth checking in tonight for that comment – haven’t stopped giggling since I read it!
loading...
Is it wrong that this made me laugh out loud Catherine? I’m sure you’re hot.
loading...
I used to catch the bus regularly to work. There was an older woman (say 70-ish) who used to ride it with her grump on. She’d yell at the driver if they didn’t open the door immediately if she were standing there, or yell at them if she was still getting her bags together and making her approach to the door even though the bus had been stopped for 3-4 minutes. She’d also yell at anyone standing too close. Now this bus is in peak hour and notorious for its sardine can impressions – so you can imagine how difficult it was to give this woman adequate space while holding on for dear life as it sped down the freeway and took corners like Casey Stoner. One day I had the misfortune of being the one stuck holding on to the pole above her – she huffed and puffed and tutted and cursed at me every time I was lurched into her direction. I took all of my self-control not to bop her on the head with my umbrella!
Silly woman – make your appointments outside of peak hour and you can have all the space/time in the world!
loading...
the other day I lurched with the bus, and my big hand landed right on top of a woman’s nice do .Those brakes on Syndey buses …………
loading...
This used to bug the hell out of me when I’d be on my way to work at 6am – and before I had kids:
Parents who catch peak hour express buses!! Complete with baby, toddler, a gazillion bags, gigantic pram that parent decides to fold only when the bus pulls up…..meanwhile us workers are stuck on the bus waiting to get to work while the courteous driver gets off, helps fold the pram the size of a Hummer and this takes about 15 minutes. Howzabout you take the bus outside peak hour?
N.B. As I said, this was before I had kids – and because it annoyed me so much I never took the bus with my sons during peak hour
loading...
I travel to see family in a regional area from the city on PT and I make sure I plan around peak time as I have a giant bag, laptop, handbag. I need space and don’t want to bash into people.
loading...
Maybe they actually need to travel during peak hour for an appointment or something?!? Did you ever think of that? Maybe they’d prefer to be in a comfy car or without a pram and paraphernalia rushing about during peak hour too!!?!
loading...
OMG I just knew I’d get this response….my point was – and still is – why take the express bus. There were other peak hour buses – they just had extra stops. Sheesh!
loading...
Perhaps they need to drop the kid off at childcare and get to work on time? And since it’s *public* transport, not *transport for people without kids*, I’d say they’ve got every right to catch any bus they want.
loading...
I used to catch a peak hour train every morning, same train, same carriage every morning, and there was a family with a toddler who screamed for the entire journey every morning from Hornsby to the city. I gathered that both mum and dad were heading to work and the child was heading to daycare in the city too. I guess thats why they were on it. It used to annoy the hell out of me too, but it was the only empty carriage (fast train) so I had no choice – maybe the child had something to do with that
Anyway, now having kids of my own I feel sorry for that family and what they had to go through each morning. Certainly not a life I would envy.
loading...
Have witnessed (on two separate occasions) a man exposing himself and/or whacking off on trains or buses. This is what I hate about public transport; those sort of weirdos having access to me.
loading...
Was one of the guys George Michael?
loading...
Men Who Think They’re More (cough) Endowed Then They Are – I know it’s a struggle to close your legs ever so slightly, but so is sitting on a corner of the bus seat while holding you bag in the aisles and everyone tipping over it.
loading...
About make up: The light in my house is not good. When blending foundation it is good to check in natural light. I sometimes forget to do it in private just outside the house.
I would rather blend it on the train and have strangers judge me than have orange face at work.
loading...
This is going to be hard to make it sound not weird but I love seeing women put make up on…that and seeing people knit, write notes, do crossword puzzles or sudoku (especially with a pencil) on the train. Trust me, I don’t have OCD and it’s not a sexual fetish thing. It just seems to put me in this beautiful meditative state…. It is weird isn’t it? No getting around it!
It’s not like I sit and stare I should say! I always read so I kind of read my book and glance up from time to time. Just hearing the scratch of the pencil or click of knitting needles is enough to give me the warm fuzzies!
loading...
Oh I SO know what you mean!
I love watching other women put on makeup – I find it interesting to see how they do it (eyeliner before eyeshadow or after?)
I also know what you mean about the ‘meditative state’ – I get all calm listening to other accents – I especially love eavesdropping on anyone with a New Zealand accent. Yes I know I sound like a nut-job!!
loading...
Haha! I get that same feeling with certain voices too, usually a tone or ‘timbre’ of a voice. I’d love to know what it means!
loading...
The Snorer. I have an hour-long train trip to work and if I have to hear another stranger snore the entire trip, I will scream!
The Caller. Please do not subject me to listening to your incredibly long, mundane phone conversation especially when reception is patchy and you are continually saying “are you still there? can you hear me?”. If I have to take a work call, I quickly wrap up and get off. No personal calls on the train at all, it is rude and annoying.
Also, people who have an entire train carriage to choose from and who sit right next to you. Yes, I know eventually the train will be completely full but until there is no other choice, MOVE AWAY!
loading...
Oh I love listening to other people’s private conversations – particularly the altercations! When I hear the invariable ‘are you still there?’ I hope to god we haven’t lost them.
loading...
I used to do the Central-Wollongong train a lot, and reception would be patchy for a good several stops. EVERY TIME, someone’s phone would drop out, they would call back, apologise, start talking again…and drop out. And repeat. Give it up until Bellambi, guys!
loading...
What about the farters?
Everyone’s looking around, surreptitiously, at everyone else…
loading...
I hate the “I’ve been comfortably sitting the entire trip but I MUST be the first person off the train” people.
Seriously, can you not wait an extra 20 seconds to let all the people who have been standing the whole way get off first?
and now the “oh I’ll just stand in front of the myki gates whilst i fish out my wallet and look for it.” How are you not aware that you need to scan off already? Be prepared!
loading...
So true!!!
loading...
A man sat next to me on the bus once and pulled something out of his bag… IT WAS A POSSUM! An actual, real live possum. Seriously strange!
loading...
ahahahahahaha klafdhf ksldfoipesr hweurrhu that is so funny.
loading...
Yeah I’ve seen a girl with a rabbit on the train before. Just hopping around the seats…
loading...
All I can say is that public transport would be a damn sight lot more tolerable, would run smoother and more on time…. if it wasn’t for all the stinkin’ passengers who keep getting on and messing things up!
loading...
Gosh, as a current public transport user I LOVED this post!!!
I realise I may *cough* be a couple of these people you are talking about. Sorry, I will try to change.
But, aargh. Creepy people on public transport. That is the scariest thing. Pople who sit next to you when the whole carriage is empty and then smile creepily. People who swear and threaten to kill the people at the Australian Tax Office. (I was so scared. He looked dead serious. I just avoided eye contact)I can feel shivers going down my spine.
The people who talk madly to themselves while walking up and down the train carriage, sometimes picking out people to talk to really loudly.
Then, people try to feel you up while on the tram. That is the worst. You just have to get out. But, in this day and age, that shouldn’t have to happen..
Uuurgh, creepy scary people.
loading...
Maybe Im on a good line here in Australia, but Ive found the public transport scene here much easier to bear with everyone being so polite and friendly. However, I will say please dont sit behind people and converse loudly in a foreign or otherwise language for the whole trip. yes, congratulations, you can speak another language, clever you, but the whole carriage doesnt want to hear- and the person youre talking with is right next to you, why are you practically shouting at them?
loading...
Fair enough the shouting, but what’s with getting bothered by people conversing in another language? I find it hard to understand why that would be problem (as opposed to say BO, or other such public transport transgression). I also doubt that it’s about showing off…
Wouldn’t you speak English to a fellow Australian…. even if you were living in France?
Personally, if I have to listen to others speaking I prefer people conversing in another language as I don’t get distracted by the content of what they’re saying. Much easier to read beside… for me anyway.
loading...
but the thing with people speaking loudly in foreign languages is that you can’t recognise it so it just sounds like noise and thus is more frustrating. that’s my theory on it anyway…
loading...
Teenagers who talk loudly caling addressing each other as ‘C**t’ (Really? That’s what their mothers put on their birth certificates?), and then oddly get all apologetic when they walk past and bump your seat! (‘Ooops! Sorry, Missus!’ ‘OH, that’s all right. NOW HOW ABOUT APOLOGISING FOR THE AURAL POLLUTION, YOU BRAIN-DEAD RETARDS?’).
And I hate people who spread their bags over the seat, too. And those dunderheads who crowd in the vestible at the entrance of the train. And I’ll never forget the idiot up the back of the bus picking is nose and eating it.
loading...
woah. i get that teenagers are really annoying and loud, but “brain dead retards” is a bit much? tbh i find that more offensive than “cunt” (on another tangent – why is a slang word for vagina so offensive?)
also agree about people with bags on the seat.
loading...
You miss my point. I do not find teenagers per se offensive. I find teenagers, or indeed anybody, using foul language loudly in a public place offensive. If anybody feels the need to do this indiscriminately, then IMHO that person is a brain dead retard.
On another note, I too do not understand why a word meaning vagina has to be offensive, either.
loading...
Maybe I missed your point (and this is not supposed to sound snarky – I swear!) because rather than just saying “Teenagers who use inappropriate language really loudly is aural abuse” you’ve made it personal by calling them “brain dead retards”.
The fact that “retarded” is a derogatory term for people with a cognitive disability is incredibly offensive, and you’re failing to see that and why it would offend is sad and disrespectful.
loading...
I agree, the inappropriate language that people can speak in on public transport awful, however I find the reference to “brain dead retards” equally or more offensive…
loading...
Well, that was most definitely not my intention.
loading...