Speak up. You know you want to.
Almost since I began Mamamia, I’ve been asked to do an Open Post. Many websites do this. It’s hardly an original idea. Maybe that’s why I wasn’t so keen on it. But there are so many things that happen to me (and you) during a week or that I think about that don’t really ‘fit’ into a dedicated post and let’s be honest, what’s the point of having a thought or experiencing ANYTHING if you don’t share it via the Interweb?
And hey, I’m here to serve (or at least inform and entertain) you, so let’s give it a whirl.
I’m going to kick off by telling you about my Friday night. Last week, as regular visitors will know, was utterly surreal. I spent much of Friday just drained and mentally curled into the foetal position, rocking in the corner. Since ACTUALLY doing that was not really my thing, I decided instead to take myself to go see a movie preview (more about that shortly, you’re going to be excited) and then I sent my wonderful nanny home early so I could ground myself by spending extra time with my kids.
Things in my house work very well when our nanny Mel is in charge. She is a far more efficient and organised herder of children than I am. But, in my defence, I think they behave much worse for me. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Life is certainly more unpredictable when I’m in charge. I bundled the two little ones into the bath along with their cheese and crackers. I’ve never minded them eating in the bath. Not, you know, entire meals. Like I would never serve them spaghetti or lasange in the bath. But the odd snack? Whatever. When hunger and bathtime collide, I’m ok with that.
It’s all going swimmingly until the toddler does a poo. Oh, if you’re eating while you read this, maybe come back later. Or at least swallow before you read more. At first, I think it’s just some cracker but as soon as I realise, I mobile and whip the kids out of the bath. As I attempt to fish out the floating turd, my daughter catches sight of it and vomits all over the floor. She has a weak stomach like that.
I am very calm at this stage. I skillfully tuck the toddler under one arm, step over the vomit and usher my daughter towards the other bathroom. I pop them both under the shower and scrub them vigorously. Then it’s into pyjamas (have you ever tried to contain a live octopus in a string bag? That’s what dressing my children is like) and back to the other bathroom to tackle the vomit.
Thoughtfully, the dog has helped out by eating it. That would be my trifecta of absurdity then. The whole episode was still infinitely more pleasurable than the rest of last week, let me tell you.
So. Anything you’d care to share? Anything happened to you lately, good, bad, amusing, outrageous or trivial that you’d like to get off your chest? Anything you’ve got an opinion or thought about that needs a good airing? Now is your chance….
Comments
1,230 Comments so far
Well I watched a scary movie last night called “The haunting in Connecticut”. This movie is sooo scary… which I love! And I am so happy I watched it because on Saturday night I am doing the Manly Quarantine Ghost tour. Oh yeah and its my Birthday tomorrow! So that’s what is on my mind!
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY for tomorrow!
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The Quarantine Station ghost tour is great fun! I’d love to do it again.
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Love this. I’m taking FULL ADVANTAGE OF IT!
1. I wish I didn’t have such a short fuse. After I yell at my kids I feel like shit. 70 percent of the time I feel like an ok mother, 29 percent like a crap mum and one percent like an outstanding one. (The last category being when say, they’re all clean and tucked up in bed in their flanelette pj’s and sound asleep, so, does it count?)
2. I HAVE NEVER UNDERSTOOD why people in the fruit shop put say, 2 onions in a plastic bag. Or one banana. Onions aint gonna break on the way home. They will be going into ANOTHER bag that will go into your car and be transported safely into your kitchen. Drives me NUTS!
3. I wonder if I’ll ever feel like a grown up.
4. I am in love with Richard Glover on 702.
5. Sometimes I wish I could leave my kids with their grandparents and spend 6 weeks in Paris, getting pissed, having sex with hot men and feeling like I was 21 again…
6. Driving fast is fun.
7. In no particular order these things give me great joy: a clean house, a crisp new mag, a great coffee, Sonoma sourdough, slightly warm with heaps of unsalted butter, freshly washed hair, the smell of my children, feeling salty from the beach and yummy pashes.
8. I love getting older.
9. Confidence is everything.
10. I wish I’d appreciated how great my boobs were before I had children!
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I have a plastic bag theory for fruit and vegetables. If you are going to take the skin off it (banana or onion for instance), it doesn’t need a bag. If it is just going to be washed before eaten (apples/grapes/tomatoes etc) then it should be bagged. Next time you go shopping, just look at the amount of grime in the bottom of those shopping baskets – yuk!
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I love Richard Glover too
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I think I have officially been turned off having kids!!
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what a week ive had so far. i am a child care worker of a outside school hours care program (director) so i work until 6pm every night. i do split shift so 7.30-9 and then 2.30 – 6pm and do 2 hours of admin a day. i have a 18mth old son which i adore. he is in day care 5 days a week very hard for me but he loves it! my husband has just gone on a work trip and is gone for a min of a month and only back sundays. okay i can handle all that. but ive got really no family (parents and sis) live away and ive just got full time working father in law and a sister in law that has 2 children of her own (and they bug her all the time) i just cant cope at the moment. i wish i could just be a mum and have my husnad back.
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I’m freaking out about uni (again/still). I honestly don’t know how I’m supposed to pass one of my subjects, I just do. not. get it. I’m so scared I’m going to fail it and then I’ll have to re-do it because it’s compulsory, which would mean I’d be stuck at uni for 6 years all up.
But, on the plus side, yesterday I found out I got a Distinction in an assignment that a ridiculous amount of people failed (around a third, I think, but I’ve heard up to 40%!). Thinking maybe this makes me a bit of a bitch, but I felt really good that I managed to do well in something that was obviously difficult.
And seeing as I’m on a roll with things that I need to vent about, I feel like I’m on the outside of my group of friends. Lately, everybody seems to be kind of pairing up with their own ‘best’ friend, rather than everybody being close to everybody like how it used to be, and I’m just kind of… left over? I don’t know. When they do go out as a group they don’t even left me know, and I know it’s childish but I just feel so left out and lonely.
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Since you got a distinction in an assignment, you probably won’t fail. Ashleigh, you have my sympathy. Uni is not so social these days. This link explains it: http://www.smh.com.au/national/education/no-time-for-playtime-20100514-v4gv.html
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You definately have a point about uni not being as social. Sorry youre feeling lonely ashleigh
But big congratulations on your distinction
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Im after some advice form the MM community.
Im in a bother with a friend I have known for about 6 months now. I like this person, she is lovely.
My bother is I receive no less than 4-5 texts messages per day, phone calls and emails about this friends very personal dramas and I don’t know what to do
I have alot going on in my own life and I feel very overwhelmed. Im not the type of person to ignore a friend in need, but there are days where I am exhausted with my own dramas let alone someone Ive only recently met. The text messages are always about how ill she is, or her very personal problems with her new boyfriend.
Ive never had a friendship that was so draining and I feel terrible for saying it.
A mutual friend of ours whom I have known for many years recently emailed me and confided in me about how said person is constantly trying to contact her, this person only met her 2 months ago, she too is exhausted with the constant messages. She receives the same text messages as I do. And we have both found it to be somewhat attention seeking. Something else I feel terrible about saying, but I need to be truthful. I beat myself up and feel Im being selfish, but my friend feeling the ame about the very same situation, we must both be selfish people right?
I could be very honest, but given her unstable mental state at times I worry my honesty could push her over the edge, and the last thing I want to do is upset her, but I can’t continue to feel like I do, I have a 2 & 3 year old, Im studying by distance at Uni and I work as well as managing a household & making wedding invitations on the side. Im so confused. Ive never facilitated this behaviour, I pick my battles so to speak. If something is too personal and I don’t feel it is my place to comment I have to change the subject.
Does it make me a selfish person? Has anyone found themselves in a similar situation? How did you deal with it?
I want to be this persons friend, but I question whether Im really being a friend if I can’t be honest about how I feel as far as being “bombarded” with her daily problems.
Help?
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Have you considered suggesting she speak to a counsellor?
You could make this sound less like you are trying to off load her problems to someone else by saying that as her friend, your advice is going to be biased by your friendship, and that maybe a counsellor would have more objective input.
A counsellor would probably spot your friend’s neediness as well, and might be able to help her understand that even the most compassionate of friends (which you clearly are) can’t be on call all day everyday for her dramas.
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Thansk Mizanthrop.
You see this person does see a counsellor regularly because she has suffered from depression. Thats what I find conflicting.
I don’t know whether in counselling she has been told to openly speak about her issues with family and friends or what the deal is. So the thought it could be attention seeking, particularly if she is sending several of the same text messages to several different people at the same time.
But like I mentioned I feel terrible for making such assumptions. I just don’t know anymore.
Im normally such an open person, Im there for people if they need someone to talk to, but when it is about your partner not wanting an unplanned pregnancy when you do, where do I stand? I can’t be the person to say, you are right he is wrong, or vice versa. It isn’t my place. Thats something that needs to be discussed between them. Ive offered to be there to talk when they decide what to do, bhut as far as opinions are concerned (which is what I think she is fishing for at times) I can’t do that.
It isn’t my place. I can give advice, but not opinions
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Heidi, some people are slightly obsessive or very lonely, and can’t guess what people do/don’t want to hear. Does she have Asperger’s? You could tell your friend to write a journal with everything she puts in the SMS/emails – and then show it all to her counsellor. If you know which counsellor she sees, you could tell her counsellor what she is doing. It sounds like she is still your friend – and she would benefit from knowing that despite this.
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Thanks Melanie
Ive only been friends with her for 6 months, so Im not fully aware of who she sees as far as counselling is concerned.
But what you have suggested sounds like a good idea for her to get her thoughts and feelings out there.
I can only help so much, and I want to, but just not in the way she needs or wants. I really like this person, she is truly a caring person, I just don’t know if she sees that what she is doing now as far as text messaging and emailing goes is actually having a negative affects on the friendship.
It is exhausting to a degree, so perhaps I should pass on your suggestion in my own way.
Thank you.
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I think it would be perfectly reasonable to tell her what you’ve just written here and below in your response to Cos. Even if you had the time and energy it would be inappropriate for you to get involved with family planning discussions with her boyfriend, and she is not going to do her relationship with him any favours by bringing her friends along to bully him into a decision he should make freely, without pressure.
Take stock, you must be spread pretty thin already, work out how much time and energy you have to give this friend without compromising the happiness of you and your family, and then stick to it. Nothing you have said in this post is unkind or unreasonable, so say some version of it to her. Clearly subtlety and normal social conventions are lost on this woman, so you are going to have to speak more plainly, but if you do it without anger or malice I’m sure she will take it in her stride. I doubt everyone in her life has had the patience or empathy you have had!
Keep your boundaries in place, and gently but firmly stonewall her when she crosses them. If you have to text, ‘sorry busy with uni and kids’ repeatedly in reply to multiple texts, then do it, because it is true!
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Thanks again mizanthrop
Believe it or not Im feeling much better having heard everyones responses. I was feeling slightly guilty but Im sure that is normal. I simply cannot be there 24/7 to help this person when I have my own life to deal with.
Ill take note of what I have written here
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okay, this is probably going to sound like a brutual response but I think when you have very small children you should be excused from having to give excessive energy outside your immediate family. At least that’s how I operate. Anyone who expects too much of my time, effort and energy over a small child is being selfish and unreasonable (I’m sure I’m going to get slammed for saying that).
Friendship is give and take – does she regularly ask how your children are going or how you are doing with your Uni schedule??
I’m not saying to disregard her mental health but maybe she needs to be steered towards some professional help to ease the burden on those around her. Maybe you could help point her in that direction?
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Cos, the messages are without exaggerating, ALWAYS about personal issues whether it be illness or going to the doctors.
I received one just yesterday telling me she was at the GP having tests done for kidney stones.
That was it.
And it was so out of the blue that I was puzzled.
The only way you can reply to that is with a “Hope you feel better soon” but is that the desired reply?
I keep saying it, but I just don’t know how to handle it.
Ignoring the messages to me seems juvinile, but the old “Sorry Ive been busy with Uni and the kids” is getting tired.
So is my phone. Lol.
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Just remember Heidi – you DON’T always have to reply to her messages/phone calls. There is such a thing as family time and private time.
Use an answering machine on your home phone and screen your calls – you do not have to pick up the phone if it is not a good time for you. Send a general text to your friend stating that there will be times during the day/night when you will switch your mobile off to allow for study time (word it to sound like it is a general text being sent to everyone listed on your phone so she doesn’t take personal offence). Then switch your mobile off.
The problem with technology today is everyone is too accessible. You have a right to not always be available. Your little family has a right to have you first.
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Thank you Cos
Your advice is very helpful. I guess in some ways I thought what I was doing was wrong. I get the “Have I done something wrong” text if I don’t reply within a few hours, like I mentioned before Im not lying when I tell her Im busy, while I sit here typing this Im studying. Poor Miss 3 is left to play with Playdoh, so one-on-one time is scarce and I guess in the end if thats too hard to understand the messages will not continue.
Thank you again, I needed to hear something from the outside instead of the old “just ignore it” from my husband
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no problem Heidi, just had those kind of friendships and family members in the past so I know where your frustration comes from
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And Cos your comment about expectations of putting friends problems above children was not brutal. I tend to feel the same.
This is why Im bothered and having trouble dealing with this persons problems because I struggle to get through some days without sprouting greys.
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If you want to keep the friendship, how about putting some time aside in the week to speak with her. Maybe an hour on a saturday afternoon where you go out for coffee, and that can be the time you spend talking with her.
That way its only an hour and you might actually be able to talk things through with her properly (honestly how effective can you be trying to help someone over text msg when you are doing 10 other things!).
It might be good for you to get away from kids and study for an hour as well.
You will have to be firm and reiterate to her, that you are busy at other times but will talk to her on saturday. She can’t really complain that you don’t care if you putting aside time out of your busy life for her!
She sounds insecure buy uou never know once she knows you are there for her maybe she will, in time, end up being there for you!
BTW an hour a week is jsut an example, could be less, 1/2 an hour a fortnight… whatever works for you. If it doesn’t end up working let it go. Friendships aren’t a constant one way street.
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Thanks Kelly.
It would be very hard for someone who doesn’t have children to know exactly how much time you lack especially when you have other commitments also.
I think this could be another part of the problem.
I don’t think she quite understands that my free time is for me when Im lucky enough to get it.
Im just so glad I can come onto MM and get some good advice when it is needed. Im feeling SO much better having heard from everyone who commented on my post. At least I know Im not being selfish like I initially thought.
Thank you for your comment
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you have some really great advice here. I have to tell you whilst reading this red flags were going up for me. I don’t want to be presumptuous but she seems like red flag material.
You have so much going on in you life and your responsibility is not to ‘mother’ this friend.
You sound as though you are a lovely friend. The fact that this is taking a lot of you emotional energy is telling.
Sounds like she is ‘sapping’ you.
I hope you find a way to be true to who you are, what you want and not let someone manipulate or sap you. x
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Thats another thing Anonymous, I don’t want to be manipulated either. Ive questioned alot of things she has told me, but always given her the benefit of the doubt, but lately things have been ridiculous and I find myself doubting if it is the truth.
Mothers Day was an huge eye opener for me. I received 6 text messages, numerous phone calls, all of which were unanswered because I was preoccupied enjoying the day with my family.
All of which were her telling me how much of a mess she was.
I ended up in tears that night because I felt like a shit friend but at the same time I was upset that it put a slight dampener on my evening. Turned out it was nothing more than a bad conversation with her boyfriend. Here I was beating myself up over not replying, when it was something trivial that could have waited.
You could also be right, the red flags are there. But it could be a cry for help. Thats why Ive found it so hard to know how to deal with it.
Thank you for your input. Ill definately be taking everyones suggestions on board, Ive had some wonderful advice
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Heidi, I’ve been where you are with a friend and so really I can only speak form my own experience.
hye Heidi, it’s always hard this stuff. I think that deep down you know this girl is bad news.
It is sounding to me like she knows how caring and attentive you are to her needs and so she is playing the victim and being overly dramatic to get the nurturing and love from you that really she needs to give to herself.
And here’s the thing – it’s hard to swallow – it’s not your responsibility to be that for her. Honestly. I know how shit that sounds but all you need to do is take a look at what this ‘friendship’ is doing to you; making you question yourself, making you feel guilty etc.
From what I have assumed from her in your writing, I would have faith in your judgment of character. Her boundaries are… well, non existant and her mental health is honestly not your responsibility. I know that is hard but you have a family to love and give all your energy to, not to mention your own needs and given you are at Uni you don’t need these dramas.
Making the choice to maybe not reply to the text, or whatever you decide to do is a way for you to really define your own boundaries.
If she is crying for help she has others in her life that can help – she’s got you in her sights because it works on you.
I feel really mean saying these things but there comes a point in life when you have doubts about someone, they are making you think twice and draining you then you need to reassess.
x hope this makes sense
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It absolutely makes sense. I just didn’t think I at all facilitated this sort of behaviour from her?
I tend to think others feel the same way judging by the fact she feels she needs to basically confide in me, a virtual stranger compared to lifelong friends.
Perhaps once Ive told her what she wants to hear, not what she should hear? I could have done so without even being aware.
But I know what you’re saying, it wasn’t mean at all.
Ive told this person how busy I have been and with exams coming up Im putting all of my leftover energy into my study.
So fingers crossed this situation will slowly reslove itself given I put into action the above advice
Thanks a bunch
x
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hope it works out Heidi. I’m sure you didn’t facilitate her behaviour – you are just lovely and caring
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OK, gross out time.
About…. 2 months ago (?) LittleDude was sick with a cold. When he gets a cold, he spends one ENTIRE day vomiting up mucous and snot. This day, he happened to be sitting on P-Daddy’s lap, and I was in the chair next to them.
LittleDude vomits, and I do the first thing that comes to mind, and catch it in my hand. However, I was 5 months pregnant and feeling a little seasick myself. Cue ME vomiting ALL OVER P-Daddy and LittleDude.
You know what though? I didn’t get any on myself!
Quick showers and a load of washing, and it was kind of funny.
Oh, and I knew for sure that I was pregnant when a friends son did a poo on the lawn, their dog ate it, and I promptly vomited all over the driveway.
Good times. :-S
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I was chatting to a friend today about our kids and the battles that we have with them. All good, all normal. And then she said, “I don’t believe in bribing them, they need to do things because I tell them to do it not because they might get something.” I nodded wisely, whilst inside my head I was screaming “YOU NEVER BRIBE? ARE YOU MENTAL? HOW THE HECK DO YOU GET STUFF DONE?”
But clearly it works for her, and each to their own, but I personally find the thought of a Freddo frog at the end of a supermarket trip works wonders on the shopping behaviour of my two. Of course, parenting experts would agree with the no bribery rule but I’d like to see them get through a full supermarket shop with two tired kids, a wonky trolley and the period pain from hell without offering inducements. (That was my Thursday)
Which made me think about all the things in my friends and families parenting repertoire that make me go “Say what?”.
A close friend recorded the start and end time of every breastfeed her three children had in exercise books (and she fed them until just over 12 months of age). The same friend who doesn’t bribe her kids (and she has three under three!) puts them to bed for the night at 6pm. Consequently, they get out of bed before 6am, but that’s what she prefers. It wouldn’t work in my house as my mood is not good if woken before 7am on a regular basis! Another family I know (gosh, this makes me sound like I have OODLES of friends!) don’t put their children to bed until around the 10pm mark. I’d love the sleep ins but child-fatigue sets in for me around 7pm.
One family who have four girls NEVER pass clothes down. Every child gets brand new clothes. My poor second daughter rarely wears anything that hasn’t been on her sister’s body first (underwear and shoes excepted).
My own mother had my younger brothers wearing singlets until almost the start of high-school, until another mum pointed out it probably wasn’t helping their street cred. My aunt was fastidious about her kids (and us when we stayed there) tucking their singlets into their underpants. And on sleep overs at her place all stuffed toys would be removed from our beds after we were asleep.
Quietly confident that I was the only parent on the planet that didn’t have quirks I went about making my kids “Little Tea”. Then it hit me, I don’t know anyone else’s kids who have two teas.
“Little Tea” evolved when my 7 year old daughter was a toddler. She had tea at about 5pm as my husband was often not home until 7pm-ish, which was too late for a toddler to wait for their main meal (or Big Tea as it‘s referred to in our house). As she got older we hung onto ‘Little Tea’ and then added ‘Big Tea’. She’s at school now and most days both my girls still have Little Tea – usually noodles or spaghetti. Just a little something to tide them over until Big Tea is ready.
Some may think it’s completely bonkers to prepare TWO evening meals but it works for us. My girls are in better moods and it stops them grazing on rubbish.
There’s nothing wrong with any of these quirks (and there’s especially nothing wrong with the Little Tea idea!), they are simply the rituals and habits that form over time. They make perfect sense to the family who own them it’s just the rest of the world who says “You do WHAT?”
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I’ve got three girls – they share underpants when the washing fairy hasn’t kept up with the schedule!
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In our house we have kids tea. Our kids eat at 5pm. We all sit down at the table. KIds with their tea and Mum and Dad with a glass of wine.
It’s just like an evening meal, except M & D aren’t eating.
We statred this when the kids were younger for a myriad of reasons.
Firstly, 5 pm is too early for us to eat, and Dad was raiding the cupboard at 8pm.
Secondly, we love hot thai and indian food. Too hot for kids.
Thirdly, my kids have lovely table manners. This is because I can focus on the way they eat without interrupting my meal.
Fourthly, I have to modify different meals for different kids anyway due to allergies. Makes no difference.
However, my friends think i’m nuts for cooking twice!
Whatever works, I say
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*takes hat off to the wisdom of Maximum Light*
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I cook a different meal for my daughter too. I just can’t eat dinner at 5pm. Whereas she needs to.
Sometimes I try to make it the same meal & we just eat it later, but we often feel like eating things that aren’t really suitable for her yet. In saying that, if she’s still up when we eat, of course I give her some of ours too, to see if she likes it.
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Excellent. It seems our Little Tea idea is completely normal~
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We had an anti-kindy movement in our house a couple of months ago that would not have been resolved without bribes. Hell, one of my friends is PAYING her son to go to kindy.
We do kids dinner and mum and dad dinner too. Ms 3 goes to bed between 6 and 6.30 so esp if the man is working late….they’re just tooooo feral if they have to wait too late for dinner.
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Everyone needs to lok at this link,http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2010/05/12/business/facebook-privacy.html
Did you know To manage your privacy on Facebook, you will need to navigate through 50 settings with more than 170 options?
The privacy policy on facebook is longer than the American Constitution.
Just setting your profile to private DOES NOT make your account private.
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I de-activated my Facebook account today. I am sick of the privacy issues and the miriad things I have to do to make my FB page really private.
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The good old Freddo Frogs were how we got our almost 3 year old toilet trained at 2 and a half. Bribery, *cough* rewards system works wonders in our house
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I once knew of a child who would only do half a poo to get the chocolate, then complete the poo a little bit later for another chocolate!!!
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I never bribe my children. I give them incentives. Nudge. Nudge. Wink. Wink.
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On the bribe issue, I had a conversation with my mum about that recently which makes me feel quite comfortable about introducing bribes with any future children I may have.
What is paid work but the biggest bribe of all? Go to work all day, sacrifice time spent with loved ones/sailing around the Croatian islands/reading books etc etc, and afterwards get paid for it. Seriously, it’s how the world works – I don’t think you have to worry about introducing your kids to the concept.
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Love it, MelbourneGirl. My children should have an excellent work ethic!
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Bribery is rife in this household. I even bribe myself… like, if I ignore the kids for a little while this afternoon, I can get the necessary chores done and then sit on the couch like a sloth and watch Masterchef tonight.
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I’ve been thinking a lot about that poor girl, Nona Belomesoff, who died on Friday night after meeting up with a guy she met on Facebook. My younger sister who is almost 13 asked me to create a Facebook account for her a few months ago and now I’m wondering whether it was the best idea. This girl was promised a job with WIRES (NSW Wildlife Information Rescue and Education Service) as long as she completed an overnight camping trip…. with this man she had NEVER met. I just can’t believe how naive some teenagers (and parents) can be – you would not let a stranger into your house yet strangers are continuing to groom innocent children online, and parents are powerless to stop it. It has now been reported today that she originally started speaking with the man on Oasis Active (an online dating site) and continued her conversation on Facebook. It makes you wonder just how safe these social networking and dating sites really are?
We can’t control everything that young kids do… especially on the Internet but I think that there needs to be much more education about the Internet and its dangers in schools. Privacy settings should be compulsory set by Facebook on children accounts who are under the age of 18 – I am a firm believer in this. I know that it is also the parents responsibility to monitor their children’s use of the Internet but some parents aren’t computer savvy.
The measures I have taken with my sister are – 1) change all her settings to private, 2) I’ve become her friend on Facebook to see what is posted on her wall and any new friends she adds, 3) suggested to my mum that her computer should not be in her room, 4) limit the amount of time she’s allowed to surf on the Internet and Facebook. While I understand that you can’t monitor and control all their behaviour on the Internet, I think the above precautions are important to ensure my sister’s safety. So… what limits do you place on your children with their time spent on the Internet? Do you think the tragic event that occured to Nona Belomesoff is becoming more and more common?
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Are you sure that underage privacy settings will work? Or that teenagers 18 years and younger won’t just lie about their age?
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I know… it’s really scary. I just think this will get much worse because there isn’t enough education about the safety issues surrounding the Internet.
These kids upload photos and personal information without a care. The fact is once you put those things out there it is permanent.
I think they really believe that it’s okay because only their ‘friends’ will see…
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yes i found that story really tragic too. i have a question because i am unfamiliar with facebook. if i have emma for example as a friend on my page, does that mean she must have me on her homepage as her friend ? Can you have someone as a friend on your page, without them having you on their page?
thanks
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In short, no. If you have a Emma as a friend on your page – Emma’s page will show you as a friend.
Hope this helps!
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If you have a ‘private’ facebook, you will not be seen on emmas homepage…noone can find you or request you if you have a private page.. you must request any friends
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I am so worried about this! I have small children and if this is what it’s like now, what the hell will it be like in 5- 10 years? It’s not only the predtors I’m worried about, it’s the bullying aswell.
I definately agree with the computer in a common area.
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I would just like to point out that she had met this ‘friend’ – on several ocassions and her parents had also met him. The media has taken hold of this ‘she met him on Facebook’ thing and have ran with it and alot of people have neglected to acknowledge the real issue – she was murdered by some one she called a friend. That could happen to any of us, not just the people who use facebook etc.
The above doesnt take away from the fact that she died in tragic circumstances but alot of people network though online services such as facebook and I think the fact that she initially met him through FB has been sensationalised by the media.
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How do you know this? I have been following this story but they haven’t mentioned this at all. Just curious – are you able to provide a link?
Yes, I believe it has been sensationised by the media too but the dangers of Facebook and the internet are real and they need to be discussed.
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My husband and I have been following it too and it was in the Sunday telegraph or the Sun herald (we get both on Sundays and I cant remember which one it was in) – Sorry I cant find you with a link. I’m old fashioned and read it in hard copy.
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Found something for you –
http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/sunday-telegraph/facebook-teen-lured-and-killed/story-e6frewt0-1225867233760
Hope this works.
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That info (that she had met him before and he had met her family) was in the Melbourne papers on the weekend, too.
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That story is just so awful. It’s so scary, especially because last year at uni we kept getting it drummed into us that we should be using sites like facebook to network and try to get jobs that way. And then this happens. Naive as she may have been, it’s still absolutely horrible that somebody could actually take advantage of her like that.
I’m not sure it’s really the privacy settings that matter all that much though. I’ve seen articles about keeping faces/full names off social networking sites, but IMO that’s not really the issue here. I think it’s more related to what you post on them (like, school or workplace addresses, posting statuses about where you’re going, phone numbers etc) and who you talk to. Like, I don’t think it would really matter if your profile was public if you didn’t share things that would make it possible for people you don’t know to find you, if that makes sense?
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Everyone needs to look at this link,http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2010/05/12/business/facebook-privacy.html
Did you know To manage your privacy on Facebook, you will need to navigate through 50 settings with more than 170 options?
The privacy policy on facebook is longer than the American Constitution.
Just setting your profile to private DOES NOT make your account private.
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I have a few friends officially registered with WIRES. Don’t be put off the real WIRES aftr this.
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Great post Mia! I have a few things I’d like to share/whinge about:
– why oh why can I never get my eyebrows to look the same? Well not exactly the same but surely similar wouldn’t be that much to ask. It’s always one that looks great and the other too skinny in places or the arch in the wrong spot! Drives me nuts
– my 14yo daughter commented on the weekend that she hates going into shops like Sportsgirl and Supre because the music is way too loud. She said that lots of her friends hate it too. If that’s coming from a teenager then perhaps it’s about bloody time they turned it down. If I can’t hear myself think then I’m out of there!
– I saw an ad last night for Finish dishwasher cleaner, apparently it cleans the pipes and I should be using it. My dishwasher hasn’t been working that well lately, would this product help or is it yet another cleaning product I don’t need that will languish under the kitchen sink forgotten?
– Part of my job is to make follow up appointments for people so I always ask “can I write that down a card for you?”. Some people say “no I’ll just put it in my phone” and then proceed to stand there and tap it into their phone one tappy tap tap at a time. No matter the queue of people standing behind them waiting. Please just bugger off (or move to the side) and do let me get on with the next person!
– Speaking of queues is it just me or do some older people stand waaaay too close behind? I like to leave a respectable distance between me and the person in front of me but no, Impatient Fred is usually right in my back pocket looking at the space in front and looking back at me silently imploring me to move up. But when I move up Impatient Fred does too! There has to be a buffer zone. The way I see it is if I can’t take a small step back without standing on your toes then you’re too close buddy!
– On a lighter note I am in love with my slow cooker. I just love it. I didn’t think I’d use it very often and it was a very cautious purchase but I’ve used it almost every day for approx 2 months now. I even made spag bol in it which was divine. And on the same day I also bought a rice cooker which was a revelation. All those years I wasted by boiling rice like it was pasta! When I served the rice up to the kids they actually asked me what it was. Yup, they didn’t even recognise it. Fail
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Totally agree with close stander, I hate that! Just cause you stand close to me it is not going to make the line go faster!
I am also in love with my slow cooker and the rice cooker, they are the best.
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Dishwasher cleaner is great! It makes the kitchen smell like toilet cleaner, but the dishwasher sparkles again.
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my first post ever (!) – i have to be quick though cos i am at work, but i had to reply re dishwasher cleaning – use vinegar!! you can use it as rinse aid, put a splash in if the dishwasher is smelly, i also use it (about half a cup) in my laundry, it gets rid of residue soap (and cleans out those pipes as well). ALSO don’t use draino or anything like that, if your drain is smelly, put (half a cup or so) bi-carb down it, then follow with similar amount of vinegar, and put the plug in for a minute (cos it will fizz), then pour some boiling water down there… there are a heap of other uses, let me know if you want to know more! i love vinegar!! ooh also, bi-carb with a little vinegar cleans oven doors really well too, it is abrasive..
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I was just about to write down vinegar when I saw your post. Vinegar is the best for everything!
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And while they are standing so close they are repeatedly knocking you with their bags over and over and over!!! GGggggrrrrr!!!! Or you are packing the trolley and you go back up to pay and the next person is standing at the cashier!! I don’t want you to watch me paying with my card or opening up my wallet. Back off buddy/lady!!!
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I have the same deal with appointment cards.
These days I just write the card without giving them the choice, if they say ‘I’ll just put it in my phone’ I smile nice and say “oh good, then you can copy the time and date from here, see you next time.” Then I give them a ridiculously friendly smile and look pointedly at the next person in line.
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I’ve been looking for new DVD machine and the volume control in audio visual stores is NUTS! My 3 year old took to standing there with her hands over he ears. I know that they are trying to sell stuff but who is going to have the volume up that loud outside of a nightclub?
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Oh I cant stand the music level in some shops. I also hate it when you go into Supre (not that I do this often, only when my 21yr old sister is with me) and the hyperactive shopgirls are dancing all around pretending its a nightclub. And now they have guys working there who stand outside the store too like bouncers or something. Jeez! If I had have wanted a nightclub experience I would have watched Underbelly!
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I feel the exact same way about Supre. The shopgirls also can hardly break their conversation with the other shopgirls to serve you. Very rude at times.
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Oh, definitely agree about the close standers in queues! Such a pet peeve of mine. I regularly say to the person behind me at the supermarket checkout ‘do you mind? I haven’t finished me transaction yet, could you please step back?’ I usually get ‘harrumphed’ but I don’t care. We don’t live in China, it’s Australia, plenty of room for everyone.
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Dishwasher cleaner is amazing!
Hate Sportsgirl & Supre for the same reason.
People invading my personal space really really freaks me out – don’t know how to politely ask them to step back without sounding like a total bitch – am open to suggestions!!
I too am in love with my slowcooker – put on a beef & veg soup (cheated with a recipe base) last nt before bed and woke up with the most amazing smell in the house!!
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Golly, I did that yesterday (refused a card and put the appointment date in my phone). I’m a super-quick tapper though, and I was paying by EFTPOS at the same time, so I didn’t slow the queue down or anything. I’ll definitely be more conscious of doing this in the future though!
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Be extremely careful with your credit/bank cards/wallet when you’ve got a “close stander” nearby. My grandma had her credit card stolen at the pharmacy from a woman who was overly friendly!! This lady was laughing and joking, but was a little too ‘touchy feely’ (patted my grandma on the shoulder), and sure enough a day later my grandma found her card was stolen!!
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I love this post. Should definately be a regular thing. I cant wait to read the rest of the posts tonight
Currently on my mind:
I will be meeting the bfs family soon and I am slightly terrified;) There is so much pressure for family to like you otherwise there will be A LOT of awkwardness. Its not like Im hard to get along with but I know Ill get shy and probably come across as aloof or something
Also, does anyone else find you modify what you want to write on the off chance of being “recognised” by someone you know?
Have a great day everyone
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Sometimes the in laws just don’t like you, because you are stealing their son and the mother in law in particular feels threatened and intimidated by someone young and who has the heart and love of her son. You could be the sweetest, nicest person in the world but because they have issues, they just will not warm to you. Do not blame yourself. It may just be their own insecurities. My mother in law was as nice as pie to begin with but when things started to get serious between her son and i, she started getting nasty. She had to adjust to the new dynamics, and found it quite hard.
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Oh. My. God.
Anonymous, we should be friends.
are you sure we don’t have the same MIL? LOL.
I was called all sorts of nasty names by my MIL and SIL when I got back with my now husband over 4 years ago.
They openly said I was “stringing him along” and “using” him.
Right. So you would think now we’re married, living in our own home and have two small children that the catty remarks and nonsense would stop? Nope.
Some people are born to make life difficult for others.
I have to accept that my husbands family and my parents will never get along due to my MIL’s stubborness.
Nice.
Kel, just be yourself. In the end thats all you can do.
As long as they’re not quick to form a judgement about you and your family before they really get to know you everything will be dandy. Seriously. Im just unlucky. But in a sense Im lucky that everyone but two people can see the problem doesn’t lie with me. It lies with my MIL & SIL.
Lol.
Good luck sweet
x
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Kel – I always do that! Even though no one else I know personally is obsessed with this site as much as I am, whenever I want to bitch about something I think “what if someone I know reads this and knows it’s me?” Highly unlikely I know!
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Haha thanks Katy glad its not just me and my Perth Paranoia (feels like everyone knows everyone else here sometimes) xx
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Thankyou for your advice:) Ill just have to man up an do it I think
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Hi Mia,
I guess this is my chance to ask… I won the nutella jar and sent my details. As I live in NZ, was wondering if they will send it all the way here….
Thanks!
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I have a vomit story to share too! Miss 6 chucked all over herself & her bed while sleeping last night… Then I spent the next hour trying to clean it up while she continued to vomit. To top things off the other end then started, therefore making any attempt to go to bed impossible! Am feeling like crap, have endless amounts of washing to do and it’s raining… but the good news is Miss 6 is sleeping peacefully, just hope Mr 3 isn’t next!
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Oh you poor thing. Nasty, nasty gastro.
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I have a really random question that I can’t get my head around.
I work part time in a large corporate building, and the girls toilets have 15 cubicles.
Why, oh why, when there are so many cubicles to choose from, do you have to use the one right beside me!!
I haven’t done a specific count, but it happens enough, say 70% of the time, for me to notice.
It’s not like they are all occupied, most times it’s just 1 or 2 maybe 3 occupied.
And for some reason it bugs me.
It’s not that I’m doing anything different than you, but still – personal space please!
Does this happen to anyone else?
Are you a ‘toilet personal space invader’? Why…?
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I ALWAYS go to one as far from any other occupied toilet as possible. But, maybe because it’s far from being part of my daily life, I’ve never taken any notice of whether someone else uses one next to me when there are others available. Maybe it’s some sort of “queue” mindset, or leftover from school days when we were told in assembly to sit close together and not leave any gaps?
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No I’m not a TPSI but I do have a fave loo that I prefer to use when I’m at work!
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Ditto.
Here’s another question – what are you weird people who sit in the cubicle in silence DOING?? Maybe it’s just the freaks on my level of the building, but I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve gone into the loos, done what I had to do, then washed my hands and tidied my appearance etc. and all the while someone is sitting silently in a cubicle. Why?? And there’s definitely someone in there – I’ve checked for feet haha.
Are peoples’ jobs that bad that they have to go sit in the loos??
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I do a service job, and I go sit in the loos for five minutes every few hours, just to get a moment of peace.
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I’ll tell ya what they’re doing! they’re quietly holding in a POO, and praying desperately for you to leave ASAP so they don’t gross you out with the accompanying sounds/smells…not that I know anything about that, of course
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Love, love love the caps!
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Maybe some are, but I can tell you there are plenty who seem to have no concern about holding it in :S
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Yes. I cannot stand that. Like when I’m parking my car. 1000 empty car parks and you have to come and park RIGHT THE HELL NEXT TO ME?
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Same at the gym, 10 empty treadmills and yet the one right next to mine is the most attractive one, especially by people wearing way too much perfume!!!
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Or on a bus or train with tens of seats with no one in them. It FREAKS ME THE HELL OUT!
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Thats just odd! I always go in the one furthest from the door cos I think I read somewhere theyre cleaner….unless everyone else heard that too and Im sittin on the dirtiest loo in the place!
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I have a 5 year old daughter who is turning 6 in October and she is party-crazy. Last year we had 16 kids at a picnic in the park with face painting but this year she wants an even bigger party. I’m not opposed to her having a super big party, but assuming we have it at home, does anyone have ideas on cost-effective ways to entertain about 25 five years olds for a party?
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I like the old style games – pass the parsel, pint the tail on the donkey, treasure hunt in the garden. Or take a leaf out of Masterchef and bake some cup cakes and prepare some bowls of icing and lollies etc. and get the kids to decorate their own cup cakes – that will take up a good half hour.
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Cost effective sure – Sanity preserving? Ummm…
My suggestions – games like what’s the time Mr Wolf, and lots and lots of races – running, hopping, whatever – you can get these little plastic medals fro $2 shops. My little girl’s friends were so stoked by them.
And if you like the icing idea, but are as lazy as me – go with icing arrowroot biscuits instead of cupcakes. They only eat the icing anyway!
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Try this for Pass the Parcel – it works so well for the Under 6 group… It needs two adults – one on music & one on pillow slip duty.
Have all kids sit in a circle, start music.
Pass around a ball instead of a parcel. (no paper/no mess)
When music stops have them put their hand into pillow slip filled with little gifts taking one. (freddos/$2.shop stuff)
When all have a gift game is over. No big middle gift all go off & play happily.
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I love this idea DEB, so much better than doing the traditional thing with newspaper. I will definitely be doing this!
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Um, 25 kids is more than we’ve had at parties… but buying a cardboard cubby house and letting decorate it has always gone down a treat here. Maybe you could get a couple of them and lots of bright markers, glitter, feathers, flowers etc to stick on. It’s amazing how creative they get!
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I used to use Motorcycle boxes for this and make up a heap of cornflour paint. For 2-4 year olds you can just cut a door and window in them they are the perfect cubby size!
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Pass the parcel variation: write a story about the birthday girl featuring the words ‘left’ and right’ at every opportunity, and certain points where a gift is opened. the parcel changes direction according to the story.
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and instead of cake, make cupcakes for the kids to decorate.
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A treasure hunt, letting them decorate their own cupcakes, musical statues and I know it’s not a party game but every kid loves hide-n-seek, duck duck goose, a pinata, you could do face painting yourself if you are so inclined or karaoke!
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Wow thanks everyone – fantastic ideas!
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A lot of the parents at my kids school are very much into out-doing each other with their kids parties. So my kids have all been to an assortment of very extravagent over the top parties. My 9yo daughter came home from a party last weekend and said it was the best party ever. She said there was no theme, no entertainer, no marquee, no ponies NOTHING. Heaven forbid! She said the birthday girls mum and dad did everything and they played party games.
Personally I think kids enjoy the more simple parties the most because they have the freedom to be kids, rather than being scheduled and organised every minute of the party.
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What a great post. I normally skim over the comments on this site, but I have found myself reading every single one of the comments on this post.
I am wondering if anyone can relate to my issue. I currently live with my boyfriend, who is the most wonderful boyfriend I could possibly ask for. He treats my like a princess and I can’t wait till he come home from work every single day. We have been together for 6 years.
I am currently in my last year of Uni. I am a very competitive and motivated person. My boyfriend has a good job, and is motivated to get something better, but he will probably never earn as much as me in my chosen career. I am thinking about the time when we will get married and have kids, and I’m not too keen on the idea of missing out on staying home with my future baby, if I end up being the one who earns the most and needs to continue to work to support us. Some days I think it would be great, as I wouldn’t have to give up my career, but other times I just think I would end up really bitter about it.
I’m a total feminist and I never expect a man to look after me…but this is somehow an issue for me.
And how young is too young to get married? We are currently 22, turning 23 at the end of the year. BF is keen to get engaged. I am as well, but I can’t help but think we are too young. What would you think if a 22 year old you knew got engaged after being with someone for 6 years, living together for 4? That they are obviously ready? Or that they are too young? Or should I just not care what others think at all?
Thanks for the great post Mia. I’m glad you decided to do it
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RE: getting engaged. I am also 22, been with my BF for 4.5 years. We unofficially live together and have talked about getting engaged. I have said I want a long engagement so if it happened now we probably wouldn’t get married until I’m nearly 24.
We discussed getting engaged in December but decided we were a bit young. I was concerned about what people would say. But I have decided that I shouldn’t worry about what other people think. My nana was married with two kids at my age! If you love him and you think it is the right time FOR YOU then go for it!
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totally agree Miss Muffin, I am currently 25, married with 2 kids, and I am the happiest person in the world! We got married when I was 21, and my husband, 23. We had already been together for 5 years and had our first baby on the way. If i wasn’t pregnant, we probably would have been engaged for longer but we thought, if we don’t do it now, we probably never will…
I love the fact that we will be able to tell our grandchildren we were childhood sweethearts and will be able to celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary.
In the end, you may well get people that think you are too young, but IMO, when you know, you know, so what’s the point waiting?
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I got married at 25 and we have just celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary. We had been together for 7 years, living together for 5 and it just felt like the right time for us. My older sister told me on our wedding day that she thought that we were just babies and too young, until I pointed out to her that she was 25 when she got married! She has just celebrated her 20th anniversary.
Believe me it hasn’t all been smooth sailing, but I don’t think that would have been any different if we had waited.
If the time is right for you then follow your own feelings, don’t worry about anyone else, they’re not living your life!
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I got married to my first love at 25. People would always say we were too young, but i loved him and that is all that mattered i thought. Anyway the marriage lasted 5 years. Love is just one thing needed, there are so many other things needed. My advice would be too wait, do your own thing, be your own person and if you are meant to be, you will reunite in the future. Trust that you will be together if you are meant to be together. People grow and change enormously in their twenties. On the earning thing, my best friend earns more than her hubby, she is a anaesthetist. They have just had a baby and she has gone back to work full time while her husband is the full time stay at home dad. It works great for them and they are all happy with their choices.
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Okay I’m going to sound like an idiot here, but plunging ahead anyway…
Like Anonymous said above, “Love is just one thing needed, there are so many other things needed.” But what exactly are these other things? I know they exist but I can’t articulate them in my head! Trust and compassion come under the subheading ‘love’, right? So what other things are there? That you both want kids? That you’re both partial to Tim Tams?
I’m 25, have been with the Welshman for over 5 years, and we love each other intensely, but sometimes I’m worried that maybe we’re relying on our love too much, but will fall short in other areas when the chips are down.
Does anyone have any experience concerning the specific things you need aside from love to make a relationship work in the long-term?
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there is a book called something like ’100 things you should discuss before you get married’ and it’s designed to force you to discuss issues, and also to open the channels of communication. But I don’t think that there’s a magic formula for marriage – my stepfather used to beat my mother and never accepted us kids, but they’ve been married for 20+ years.
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I’m not so much worried about what else we need other than love to stay together. I’m confident we have most of these things….if there is such a list at all. I think we have a lot of trust in one another and we love doing everything together. I think we are also good at picking up the slack when one or the other is busy, sick or exhausted. We both want kids, and have similar interests. BUT like you say Katy, is this all you need? Can anyone ever be truly sure? Maybe I’m too young to fully understand what else is necessary to make it work? I don’t feel like I/we are.
I think maybe we are over-analysing things…lol. Sounds like you love the Welshman a lot. Maybe we should both stop stressing about these things!
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I earn more than my husband, and probably always will. But when it came to the staying home with the baby bit, we looked not just at the money, but who was happiest doing what. And it just made most sense for us as a family to tighten the belt and have me at home for a while. I would have found it really hard to go to work “just” for the money.
Mind you, having said that, I know we were lucky to be able to make the choice on that basis. But if you can do some things like put extra money into the mortgage now, it might give you some extra freedom when it comes to choice time.
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I HATE the “youre too young” or “youre too broke” to get married comments – my view is that you never know what tomorrow holds, so if you truly believe he is the one for you then why wait? Just to satisfy other people? Bah. Who cares what they thing. I got married at 21 (hubby was 23) and we have been happily married for 7.5 years. Go for it!
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Esme – don’t care what others think. It only matters whether you feel that you are ready. (But hey, I might be biased here, I got married at 21 after being with my now husband for only 18 months – everyone thought we were nuts).
As for the having kids thing, who says either of you have to give up work? There are so many other options out there – one or both of you can work full time, one or both of you can work part time, child care, nannies etc. Or you might win lotto! Don’t stress about the what ifs.
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I know, you’re totally right. I shouldn’t care what anyone else thinks. I really need to just trust my gut and have a bit more faith in us, I think.
Wow, married at 21 after 18 months! That’s crazy! But proves that age doesn’t have to mean anything.
I mean, even my parents got engaged after 6 months and married after 12 months! And my Mum was only 21. They are still together. I just feel like there are different standards these days for when you can get married, especially if you are a girl wanting a career. People always seem to say “Oh you have years for all of that stuff, concentrate on your career”. I just think why can’t I be married and have a career young?
AH! I need to just forget what other people think don’t I? LOL
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P.S. I’m only 24 so of the same generation as you. The funny thing was that our parents had no problem with it (or if they did they didn’t tell us) it was our friends that had the big issue. It’s totally an age thing – what we did was normal in our parents’ time.
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I’d like a post on how it works when women earn more than their partners – by the time my fiance and I have kids i’ll be earning twice as much as he will and I know it’s only practical that he will be the one to stay at home or work part time. I know I shouldn’t be stressing about it already but I worry that I won’t be there for our kids like my mum was for us.
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I’d like a post on how couples ‘work their finances’ when one partner has a well paid career and the other is a long-term stay at home mum. Does the career partner get to spend more money on themselves? How does the stay-at-home partner finance her wants/needs? Anyone?
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We’re both working at the moment but have both had a turn to stay at home. How it works for us is this – whatever money I earn is not “my” money, it’s “our” money. Same for what he earns. All of our bills are joint, and all of our income is joint. We both get treats occasionally and try to keep it pretty even. It wouldn’t work for everyone but it works for us and that’s what matters.
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My husband works fulltime and I work fulltime at home as a home maker and carer for our children. My husband respects what I do for our family and knows that if I went to work we would be having to pay a lot for a nanny to help us. So we have the arrangement that it is our money equally. If I want to buy something I do so, within reason of course!
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My best friend earns considerably more than her husband. She took off the first 12 months to look after bub (maternity leave and baby bonus plus a bit of savings allowed this). Then she returned to work and her hubby is now stay-at-home dad. She doesn’t feel that she missed out because she got the first twelve months. With hubby at home she knows when she comes home that housework will be done, dinner ready (most of the time!) so that even though she hasn’t seen her daughter all day her nights are spent having quality time because it mostly just involves play, reading a book, giving a bath etc.
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My hubby and I got married when our child was 9 months old, after we’d been together for 18 months. We were 20 and 22.
We’re still together, because we couldn’t afford a house I’ve stayed home with the kids for the last 5 years, but he stayed home with the eldest, which was great because it helped him understand what i do now. We traveled the world, going to different countries with work, until the kids started school. Then we bought a house.
There’s a set of rules society tells you to follow: study, party, travel, meet man, marry him when you’re about 30, have two children (pref one of each each gender), privately educate them, then, er, die? After you retire close enough to look after your grandkids?
There’s plenty of people I know who followed this model, and it didn’t work. There are no guarantees in life.
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This is just a story, not a life guide!
I should correct it to say we were together for 18 months when said child was born.
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I can’t add to the stories from people who married young and are still happily married, but I do agree that there are no guarantees. My partner and I have been together for 2 years. We met the year after our respective marriages ended. I’d been with my ex for 12 years and my partner had been with his ex for 11 years. We are the same age, so the relationships started at very similar ages. I got married at 19 after being together for 18 months, living together for 4 months before the wedding. My partner got married at 25 after being together for 6.5 years, living together for 4.5. There are all sorts of reasons why some marriages end and others don’t. I never believed, and never will, that mine was always going to end because of how young we were. At the time we separated I said that a couple either grows together or grows apart and growing apart can happen whether you meet at 17 or 47.
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my question is: if things are fine and great now and you live together etc whats the point of getting engaged right now? Just cruise along for a few more years and if all is still going well then, then do it. People grow and change ALOT in their 20s, the trick is to grow and change together and to be accepting of each others growth. I found i change SOOOOOOOOOOOO much between 24 and 30 – i developed new dreams, new needs, new wants.. x
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What great timing for an open post, now I can share my funny incident from Saturday night.
I was in a hurry (for a rare night out) and grabbed a black scarf and shoved it in my handbag, just in case it got that cold. It wasn’t until I got to the party that I realised I had actually grabbed a…pair of black tights. Oops! Maybe that’s why I don’t go out much.
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Haha, I commented about this on the post about black clothes – I wear so much black that this always happens to me!
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I’ve actually left the house to run errands with 2 different shoes. Not even the same colour, style or heel type. Completely different shoes!
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I was born with an inverted nipple.
Needless to say I am a bit self conscious about it as I have never heard of anyone else in this same situation. Well not a real person anyway.
Does anyone else have this? Would men turn and run at the sight of me naked??
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Hi Anon,
My mom has inverted nipples too, and the ONLY thing that has ever disturbed her was breastfeeding her children.. she has never felt selfconscious about it, and she actually knows many women in the same situation!
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I got innies. Men are not going to run a mile. And after some initial difficulties and help from lactation consultants, breastfeeding has been fine.
So very normal for you to be self conscious about it but try not to be – others probably won’t give it a second thought.
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I believe it is quite common. I read a lot about breastfeeding when I had my children and I recall reading about inverted nipples and breastfeeding. So I think it must be quite common! My daughter was born with two extra nipples!!! Fortunately they just look like small flat moles or pigmentation. Usually people are born with one extra! Hopefully she will have good sized breasts that will cover the extra nipples (but hopefully she won’t display in on camera a la Lily Allen)!!
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You might find they change a little later after puberty (not a lot but they might look a bit more nipply). I’ve heard they can even leak while breastfeeding although I’m yet to experience that – I’ve just got the one spare in the fold below my righty and I find it *mortifying*. But glad I’m not the only one!
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re: the puberty thing….Oh no do they! The Dr. pointed them out to me but he didn’t mention that.
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I have flatties. Very difficult with breastfeeding but not impossible.
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Ditto. Unfortunately I was unable to breastfeed by babies but like you say, not impossible for some.
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Thanks everyone for your comments! My mum loves to tell me the Dr that delivered me said if I had been born in India I would have been drowned at birth because of this birth defect. So thank you for making me realise it is not that big of a deal. Calling them innies and flatties makes them seem similar to belly buttons. And for some reason the idea of innies and outies is not such a strange thing. You have no idea how much this had helped. Thanks.
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I am not a messy person. I am a clean and tidy person. You could say that I’m a NEAT FREAK.
My fiancee and I have been living in a unit temporarily and it’s driving me insane!!! The doors don’t close because they’re not square with the wall, the fly screens always fall off the windows, so if I open a window, bugs and goodness knows what else gets in. Oh, and some of the coloured paint on the wall overlaps onto the white cornice – this bugs me, I don’t know why.
Am I too obsessive? Yes, buy I can’t help it!! : (
Aside from that, I just wish that people would pay more attention to manners. If an elderly lady gets on a train, offer her a seat!!
One more – how do I get my voice heard? Better yet, how do I get more traffic onto my blog? Any tips?
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Drives me crazy when people dont give up their seats for the elderly! One tip for your blog is to give us the address and I’ll go check it out
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Oh Loz, I am a clean and tidy person. It drives me bonkers if things are messy. Every morning I tidy my desk. Most nights I spend 10 mins just making sure all my clothes are away and hanging nicely on their hangers.
In fact this is a little sad, but I have an open handing rack thingy and I get such pleasure from just looking at all my clothes hanging there happy together. I think that makes me a freak….
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Anyone know how to get rid of wind in babies, drop a line below!
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We found that laying LittleDude on his back and ‘bicycling’ his legs in the air (one knee up to the chest, one leg out straight, alternate) worked wonders. That and Brauer’s Colic Relief drops – from any chemist. Man, the farts that can come out of a tiny person are unbelievable!
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I second both of these. Also, rubbing their tummy fairly firmly in a clockwise direction helps soothe them (clockwise because that’s the direction wind etc travels around there).
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There’s a great DVD around that teaches you baby yoga and massage. It gets things moving and gets the wind out.
http://www.jiivana.com.au/baby-bliss.php
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What Jacqui said worked for my kids and also if you lie the baby down on your forearm on their tummy and then rub their back or very gently pat their back from bum to shoulders, this can help too!
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This is also a good way to generally carry the windy baby too, because the spew tends to miss your clothes
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My girl’s 10 now but I used to put her to bed with a lightly warmed wheat pack for tummy problems. She slept on her back but I’d just put it close to her tummy on the right side. It worked well for her. She still asks for her ‘warm chicken’ (because it is chicken shaped) when she’s feeling upset or sick.
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I am using a wind mixture for my 3 month-old known as Iberogast which is an anti-spasmodic and has turned my very unsettled, screaming baby into an absolute dream. It worked almost immediatly and I couln’t believe the difference. He went from waking 6-7 times a night and struggling to resettle to just one feed a night after which he just drifts off to sleep!
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The Nanna Principle
This is a way of living I have created over the past year or two and I’m sticking to it. I just feel the pace we are all living at today is FAR too stressful for all. In our grandparents day, men, women and children had far more ‘free’ time on thier hands and were not stressing out like many us are today. I am aware that life 50 years ago had its own problems, but if we focus on the good points and apply it to our lives, the stress just floats away…. here are some examples of how the Nanna Princile applies…
House- it does NOT need to look like a house out of Vogue Living, that house is not a HOME. A home looks as though people live in it and you should be able to tell if children are living in the house, it’s the kids house as well!
Yard- What is it with all the symmetrical, highly disciplined, hedged plants! They take time and energy to prune and maintain.They look like they want to break out from the constraints of a time starved owners clippers. Bring on the soft, free form bushs, ferns and the pretty cottage garden look. These plants don’t need the maintenance. Use your home grown flowers inside and make your home look pretty!
Small House – requires less cleaning! Yeah!! It all allows the family to communicate and negotiate, rather than go off to seperate parts of the house to do your own thing. 5 people in 5 differnt rooms is not always healthy.
Undies! – Go the pull on Nanna undies. Create form without the diet.
Food – Our grandparents ate full fat and had very sweet desserts almost every night. Why were they not overweight? They did NOT eat all the processed foods. Eat sugar and full fat in moderation, that way your cravings will go away after being satisfied. I think our bodies must be saying, “Enough of all this fake food, give me the real stuff or I’ll never feel satisfied!” Also apply Why French Women are Not Fat approach.This is what Australians did years ago.
Plastic Table clothes- say no more!
Don’t analyse as much – it just creates stress.
Anyway, I could go on, but I’m sick of typing. Cheers!
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My goodness Ruby, I could have written this! I gave up work 9 months ago, not becuase we could really afford to live on one income but because I just wanted to slow the hell down!!
We were renovating the crap out of house with the goal of perfection. We realised that no amount of time or money was going to achieve this. I would clean the house within an inch of its life – fresh flowers in every room, perfectly fluffed pillows. But with all the other commitments in my life it was just wearing me out. I’m not sure why I was feeling the need to be Martha Stewart.
Our yard is one big rock garden (no mowing!) and succulents (no watering!) and it looks great.
My female peers always make the comment ‘I have no idea how you live in such a tiny little house’. I have learnt that small house means less crap means less cleaning. Freedom! Plus one bathroom means sometimes two or three people getting clean at the same time and normally ends up involving a group sing-along.
Nanna undies – I have discovered Bonds Hi-Tops – they come up over your belly button, so comfy. They actually don’t look too bad either.
The only thing you’ve lost me on is plastic tablecloths. I can’t go there. I would prefer to use a cloth one and ignore the stains for a while.
Bless you!
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Hello cos says!
Yes, I only do the clear plastic over the red and white check tablecloth at xmas, on the outside table. Every visitor said, “Love your tablecloth, looks awesome.” When I pointed out it was plastic over the top of the tablecloth they were surprised. So I would just wipe down the paint, split milk or cup of tea and in seconds no washing up for the next lot of drop-ins.
Another xmas tip, plant red and white petunias in a pot 8 weeks before xmas, it costs about $4.00 and takes 4 minutes, by xmas you have a beautiful pot of xmas cheer at your door. And I am and never wanted to be Martha Stewert, I just like the Nanna touches sometimes.
I too left work, about 18 months ago. I’m only working here and there. It was the G-G Quentin Bryce who made me rethink things. When she said women can have it all, but not always at the same time- it resonated and here I am!
All the best to you ‘cos says’.
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Haha that’s quite a story Mia, I think you handled it pretty well! I would not so well.. pretty well guaranteed that I’d get the giggles. Which wouldn’t help at all.
Well I had a job interview on Monday, my first ever real one. I’ve discovered a niche in my prospective career market. That I think would be just for me.. and would mean I could quit tafe early yes!
If I’m successful with this round of interviews then I’m called in for another. Eeeeee I really want it but not going to hope so as to avoid disappointment! Thrilled to just get an interview cos the guy said over one hundred people applied and they only gave seven interviews! Wow I was one of the seven!
Confession time: I’m not going to tafe today, I’ve all but abandoned it anyway amd I have washing to do!
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yay for the interview!!!!!
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Firstly, I’d love to share this video with everyone. Anyone with a daughter should watch it. The most powerful thing I have heard in quite some time. There’s one swear word in it so turn the volume down a bit if you are at work or if there are little ears around to hear.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6wJl37N9C0
Secondly, I don’t know who I am anymore. I had my first child age 20 and with my youngest off to school next year I just don’t know what to do. I have been a stay at home mum for 9 years and have spent nearly all of my adult life defined as “mum”. I don’t have anything – other than my children – that I would call a true passion and , to be honest, I am stuck in the monotony that is my life…the whole “same shit, different day” rut. Sigh.
How do you start to redefine yourself after being one thing for so long?
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OhEmGee what did you love growing up and as a teenager?
Maybe you could get into movies, reading, jogging, knitting, etc etc – whatever you’re interested in?
Sorry to sound naive I’m sure as a mum you don’t have much spare time on your hands at all…
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Oh God I hear ya!! The whole monotony argh!! Think that is why I have become so obsessed with MM. I sit here typing looking at the rug that needs to be vacummed and the clothes need to be ironed and it’s pick up time soon!!
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Go to work during the day, if you can. At a supermarket, whatever. The extra cash will give you something to spend when you find your passion, and being around adults and new friends will cheer you up and break the monotony.
Also, go out and buy yourself some really, sexy knickers. Whenever I have a case of the mummy doldrums I pop on my pleasure state push up bra, matching knickers, suspender belt and stockings. Even under my jeans and hoody, I still feel sexy and different.
Sending you virtual hugs – we had our kids at the same age and I feel your confusion.
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Just wondering.
Do you give random compliments to strangers when something about you strikes them (and its appropriate to say so?)
I’ve tried to incorporate it into my day a little more. Like telling a girl next to me at the bus stop her jacket was really cool (it was). And then at work telling a customer, a lady in her late 50s maybe, that she had amazing eyes (she really did – looked like sapphires!). Okay I swear I’m not a creep, but the effects of this compliment (which wasn’t extraordinary to me, because I had thought it, and have many of those thoughts a day like everybody else!) was very noticeable, lighting both of them up. And who knows, if a stranger gave me a compliment I think it would probably pick me up. Particularly when you don’t know what goes on in the lives of people – maybe they had a bad day, etc.
Okay I think I’ve rambled enough.
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Yes and yes C! I will often compliment someone on their outfit because I notice such things and if someone has made an effort it deserves to be acknowledged. In addition to that, just yesterday the checkout guy at the petrol station complimented me on my perfume (which I have worn for years and years). I was a bit taken aback at first but recovered quickly enough to smile and thank him, it was a nice thing to hear.
Keep it up – you are guaranteed to make someone smile.
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Stranger compliments are the best! I find its easier to compliment something theyre wearing than a body part. Ive tried the body part thing with someone I knew (not too well) and I just felt incredibly creepy hehe
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This is something I do too. Mostly because if I think it, it’s nice to say it (I’d like someone to say nice things to me, randomly). Most people love it, but some look at you like you are weird.
I had a funny one the other day though, a group of teenage girls were all sitting on the sidewalk outside a closed Mitre 10 store, eating and chatting. it was a gorgeous day and there is a park and the beach, RIGHT across the road. As I was walking past them I said, hey girls, why are you all sitting here and not in the park. They made some grunting noises and laughed. Guess I’m an old nanna to them now (even though I’m a pretty cool 38 year old, ha ha )!!
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I do and mostly I compliment older people, so many times they are invisible to the rest of the world. And they shouldn’t be old gents in hats and blazers with the newspaper under one arm, ladies in gloves and hats with a freshly set hair do and striking scarves or brooches.
It’s a lost art and sometimes you might be the only person who talks to them that whole day.
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Oh I so agree
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I love a random stranger comment. I think its pretty much the best type (unless the man compliments how I look – nothing beats that!)
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I always compliment strangers when I have a genuine compliment to give. I’ve had strangers compliment me and it’s made my day, so I like to spread the good cheer.
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I often compliment strangers – usually after I realise I’ve been staring for an embarrassingly long time at their eye colour (and checking for contacts) or haircut, coat, handbag, or sunglasses – or a radiant pregnant woman, or if they just have a beautiful smile I find myself blurting my thoughts out loud and then I feel a little embarrassed – until I see how much they light up. A compliment is always touching when it’s sincere.
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I love this! there’s a lady at my coffee shop with green hair so she is very distinctive and she makes the BEST COFFEE IN THE WORLD! so i was with a group of mates wating for our coffee and they told me to tell her that so i did. green hair girl gave me a weird look then laughed and said thanks so i ran away feeling incredibly awkward. but hopefully she was secretly chuffed and just hiding it
wont stop me from doing it i love it!
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Something that annoys me about a lot of people I know and people in modern day society is how ungrateful they are. They complain endlessly about the things they don’t have and aren’t at all grateful for the things they DO have.
Some real examples:
* A friend complaining that the apartment she just bought wasn’t good enough or wasn’t big enough. Whilst I admit it’s not that big it’s in a great suburb in a very expensive Sydney and the fact that she can even afford it alone is amazing.
* Women whinging about their boyfriends/husbands. At least you have one.
* Women whinging about their children. At least you have them. Think of all the people that can’t have them for whatever reason.
* People whinging about their jobs. At least you have one.
* People who take for granted that both their parents are alive and well and happily married (not everyone is fortunate enough to have this).
* People who have a well paying job and have no money worries.
* People who get a cold (which lasts a week) and whinge about it when there are others with life-long chronic/recurring health conditions which don’t go away after a week.
I could go on and on but it seems that most people forget just how lucky they really are and whinge about the most stupid trivial matters.
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Couldn’t agree more!
i love how you said “at least you have one”.
Oh it really does apply..
The amount of people without partners, children or jobs because of unfortunate, tragic, sudden circumstances etc.
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Totally agree with all of the above!! People need to start looking at the glass half full!!
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Who said only unemployed, friendless orphans with chronic illnesses can complain?
Rather than judging people, how about a bit of kindness?
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Everyone has their own cross to bear.
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Off-topic… but did anyone else think that the bit in Alanis Mosisette’s song You Oughta Know went: “It’s not fair… to deny me… Of the cross-eyed bear that you gave to me…”
Ah, Alanis, the sound of my youth.
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I think its a matter of perception, you perceive their complaints as trivial, but they aren’t your complaints, perhaps the woman complaining of a cold also has a very ill relative who they can’t see for the duration of their minor cold, imagine that relative is their child a small one in hospital…. you don’t know their stories, perhaps the husband or boyfriend they are complaining about is also abusive but all they feel safe talking about is that they don’t do the lawns on a Saturday.
empathy is not something that should be as under-valued as it is, and judgements are dolled out will-nilly by those lacking.
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I think most of the time it’s just venting, I think most of the people you mentioned are fully aware that despite whatever is frustrating them on any given day, they have it much better than some.
But we aren’t saints, and venting a little is just a form of stress management.
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Sure but for some people it’s habit and lack of awareness.
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Sorry I’ll have to disagree with you on the husband/boyfriend part. Give me single life over a crappy relationship any day! IMO there is no lonelier place than the “angry bed”.
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I agree. People who constantly whinge about their partners does my head in. If it pisses you off so much, do something about it!
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I would like to know how to repair my gorgeous dress. It is a dip dye maxi dress that goes from navy to light blues/greys through to white and back again.
I got a little bit of spaghetti sauce on it so I used a sard wonder stick. and the stick got almost all of it out but I decided that Napisan would solve all my problems. WELL, it just created one big giant problem as now the white bits have been dyed slightly!!
I’m so upset. This dress was one of ‘those’ items in my wardrobe that I just loved. It looked fantastic on me and often when I wore it I would get people stop and ask me where I got it!!
And the company that made them has none left.
Napisan is no longer my friend.
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go to Shannon Lush’s website and ask the question.
That woman knows how to remove any stain.
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Hey Leni, My husband has a navy shirt which always runs in the wash (I try to wash it seperately, but it always sneaks in there!). Anyway, in the past it has turned white parts of other items (eg. a white collar on a dark jersey) a light bluey grey colour. I used a product from Coles/ Woolies made by Dylon called Colour Run (or something similar). It’s about $9 and is a small black box in the laundry aisle near the fabric softeners etc. Dylon has a few different products, so just read the back for the one you want. Just pop the sachets and the dress through the wash and presto. I’ve used it a few times and it has always removed all of the colour that has run onto the white. Hope this helps you, sounds like a beautiful dress.
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It depends if it is cotton or not but NEVER wash anything dip dyed in warm or hot water. EVER. I worked in a hippy shop with lots of dyed item and they always need to be cold washed. To get the spaghetti out you can try using some dishwashing liquid. Really work it into the fabric and then handwash it with some woolwash. Dry it in the sun as I have heard that direct sunlight is very beneficial for getting out tomato based stains (something about enzymes??)
Good Luck!
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I’ve used Runaway (from the laundry aisle) before on things that colours have run onto. It stinks to high heaven, but it turned my temporarily pink shirt back to white.
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and for future washes, anything that you are not sure about the colour fastness, wash in cold water with about half a cup of salt. That sets the dye
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Oh you poor thing. For future reference, any stain that’s fruit or vegetable-based (such as tomato sauces) will come out in the sun. Wash it, and hang it in the sun and the UV rays will fade it away.
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Thank you all so much for your help.
I’ve started with dylon colour run as they had that at the supermarket…
if that doesn’t work I’ll try runaway and the shannon lush’s website.
ALL great info and much needed help!! Thank you Thank you
ps hopefully my best this week will be restoring my lovely dress
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Ever since I got back from an extended holiday overseas I have been feeling completely detached from my main group of GFs whom I went to high school with. I can’t help but feel bored with them and that we have very little in common. There’s a whole world to discover out there and I am sick to death of going out, getting drunk and talking about the same things, usually men.
I feel like I just ‘clicked’ so, so much better with the friends I made overseas and am feeling so frustrated.
I’m 25 and can’t help but wonder if this is just a natural progression that everyone goes through in their early/mid-20s?
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Kind of how i’m feeling Emmy, but for different reasons….ever since my breakup I have totally disconnected from some former best friends who are still in long-term relationships. This wasn’t intentional and it’s very distressing but I don’t know what I can do about it…:(
Hope you feel better about it. xx
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yes, definitely !
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This actually happened to me during high school, which was very difficult – I think it’s normal though!
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Yep absolutely, it happened to me when I went on exchange in high school, and afterwards when I went to live in Denmark (where my dad is from) for a year and a half before uni started. Even now during uni, my priorities have changed again. I’m not really too concerned with keeping the old friends. I really believe that friends are situational, they are not bad people, and we might have something in common in the future, until then we don’t see each other much… Hard to accept at first, devastating actually, but the boyf is so amazing I don’t care as much now.
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Can anyone suggest a nice child friendly venue pub or restaurant in sydney for a small baptisim celebration? ie 20 people for lunch???
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which part of Sydney?
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- Hunters Hill Hotel
- Longueville Sports Club (packed with families etc having a bowl. On Sunday’s they usually have a band playing acoustic guitar etc
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On the manners front: people, PLEASE close your mouth when you chew.
Particularly if you’re eating near me. Even more particularly if you’re eating a crunchy apple.
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here here!
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Oh my goodness my mum does this! She always rings me when she’s eating!! And it’s always crunchy. So so gross. Makes my skin crawl.
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I am thinking about getting braces. I really don’t like my teeth. They’re not hideous but are a bit bucky and I’m quite self conscious about it. Our 12 year old is getting them soon and (if we can afford it – not sure yet) I’m thinking about getting them too. Invisalign is not an option for me for some reason. I’m 39 and feeling a bit torn because I’d like nice teeth but do think braces on adults looks a bit weird. Has anyone else had them as an adult? And if so, how was it?
And on another note. I watched Glee last night for the first time. Loved it! Anyone else into it?
Mia I can’t believe that happened to you on Friday. On top of everything else. I hope you chose to laugh and not cry!
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Hi. My name is Charlotte and I must confess that I am a Gleek
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Yep, I’m a Gleek too, I love it. Simone, you MUST hunt down the Madonna episode. It is AWESOME.
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Never too late! Do it. Who cares what other people think – you will be the one with great teeth after they come off, and then they can think “gee she has nice straight teeth”
Glee is awesome! I only recently just discovered it too – on a jetstar flight. Love it!
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I think teeth really get noticed – so I say go for it! Put up with the year or whatever of braces and then be flashing those pearly whites everywhere!
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if you’re really keen to get braces then I say go for it.
However, a few years but I paid out a fortune in comestic dental work to fix what I thought were badly crooked teeth. Would you believe that hardly anyone commented once I had the work done. When I would point it out to those ‘near and dear’ their response was ‘oh I never thought your teeth looked all that bad in the first place’.
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Pfft if people judge you for wearing braces. I met my ex while he had braces, at age 34, and it wasn’t something I gave a second thought. No big deal, and as others have said, you’ll have the teeth of your dreams in no time!
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Thanks ladies. I needed that little vote of confidence. Cheers.
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Simone, my mum got braces at the age of 52! She had been self conscious of her teeth her whole life, and finally decided to take the plunge. Now, she looks great and smiles even more than she did before!
She is a high school teacher, and it really helped that she could talk to the kids about what was happening, and ‘is it supposed to feel like this’. I think getting yours at the same time as your 12yo will help both of you adjust – at least you can bitch and moan to each other and have someone understand!
Good luck.
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Oh Simone yes yes yes. Get the braces. Teeth are the very first thing I notice about people.
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Simone if you can afford it do it – maybe you can get a discount if you’re son is being treated at the same time.
Straight teeth make you feel good, even if no-one else notices. I got mine at 18 and Tom Cruise was how old?
As well as invisalign you can get the ‘clear’ kind of regular braces – that’s what I had – and would recommend.
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Just a note – you can get braces on the underside of your teeth, as opposed to the inside. It’s only a little bit more expensive too! Go for it. x
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What do you mean Steph?
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I can answer that. Instead of attaching braces to the front of each individual tooth – they stick them to the rear of each tooth so they run along the inside. Apparently it feels a bit rough against your tongue at first, but then you get used to it.
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My mum got braces at the same time as me when I was 14. It was a lovely bonding experience for us
She needed them because her teeth were hurting her but she was a bit embarrassed too but it’s gotten much more common recently. I say go for it!
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I’ll apologise in advance, this will most likely be a venting session…
- Seriously people, can you let me and the other passengers get off the train before you try and squeeze your way through the tiny door to get on! It’s not going to leave without you, that’s why there are train guards!
- I bought a pair of flat boots to wear to work last year and I swear that I have spent more getting them fixed then what they actually cost! And just when I thought they were right and I wouldn’t need to spend anymore money on them, they go and get a tear in the outside material! It’s driving me nuts, cause they weren’t cheap boots either…aaarrrhhh!
- Thinking about the money that I need to save for a house deposit and most likely getting my wisdom teeth taken out but seeing all the things that I would much prefer to spend my money on eg, Sex and the City boxset.
- I’m very jealous of my sister as she is going back, yes back, to London, she only came home in October! She is going to finish the rest of her working visa, which is fair enough, it just really annoys me that she is going back for a second stay at 21 and yet I, at 25, still haven’t been and I was always planning to go before now! I spose I just need to get my shit organised!
- Oh! and one last thing, I thought the whole point of ordering things of the internet was that they came quickly!? I ordered a book about 3 weeks ago and it still hasn’t arrived. I really want my book cause I’m spending more money on books while I wait for this book, oh well…
Man, this makes me sound really unhappy, I’m not, I am really quite happy, just a few things bugging me is all!
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You didn’t order from Borders did you? Cos I did and I am still waiting as well and it is really starting to get to me.
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Nope, from CD Wow. My BF orders stuff from here all the time and it gets delivered within a week! So I thought I would give it a try, so far it’s not working out so well!
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Amazon.com from the US is faster than buying from Borders in Australia (just a tip) x
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Try bookdepository.co.uk It is an English website that ships FREE to Australian and is very cheap. Also very quick. At xmas time my mother ordered a book on the 19th and was here by the 24th.
I go look at the books in borders or wherever and then buy them at bookdepository.
and I hear you on the boots….
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I just discovered bookdepoistory.co.uk – quickest shipping ever, even if the 4 books I ordered did come separately!
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I know what you mean about the people getting on the train! It’s just simple common sense to let people off first, but no they’re more important than that!
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You could also try The Book Depository in the UK – cheaper than a lot of the others and fast. Everything ships within 3 days I think.
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Thanks for all the suggestions for book buying! Will have to look into it and soon, my book buying is getting out of control!!
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A girlfriend just got me onto this site for getting the cheapest deal when buying books on line…
http://www.booko.com.au/
Interestingly, it often comes up with the Book Depository as the best option.
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Yep. Book Depository is the best. And generally really quick delivery
However, due to the Losadfghsporujowfh;jsaoghiof volcano in Iceland, there has been delays.
They were nice enough to email me and inform of this too.
Just a little bit of customer service make me smile.
Cheers
Maximum Light
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Fishpond.com.au and booktopia.com.au are both great
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I agree, Fishpond is great, they have good sales, delivery quickly, are accurate with their arrival times and do free postage if you spend $50!
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Talking of free speech.
I would like to share an audio podcast called “Is it just me?”
http://www.abc.net.au/local/sites/me/default.htm
It is Angela Catterns and Wendy Harmer and they are just brilliant together.
I grew up with Angela Catterns on triple J many years ago.
It is so funny. It comprises 32 episodes and it is just like this post.
Whatever is on your mind.
I really recommend it. Laugh and Laugh.
Cheers
xxx
Maximum Light
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I LOVE THESE PODCASTS!!
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I am taking my family to Phuket Thailand next month. Yes the Thailand where the peeps are rioting in the streets. Awesome. The only thing that stops me from completely losing it is everyone says Phuket will be peaceful. I have stopped watching the news.
In others news its been a long time since my children went to the loo anyplace other than the loo… so I have very little to complain about
Happy Days everyone.
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Thailand’s local people are very nice, the food is great if you love thai food, but the despair and poverty of the people over there is depressing and was one of my worst holidays. There are many stray, starving and pregnant stray cats and dogs roaming the streets. I cried every day. These are the things people just do not mention on their return. They speak of the shopping, etc which is only good if you want fake things. My husband brought a pair of sunnies over there, and they melted in the sun 3 weeks later. I will not be going back. It is cheap, but cheap for a reason just like Fiji and Bali. I will be sticking to Australian or European holidays.
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We went there last year and had a fabulous time. Granted we didnt leave our resort because we had no need to. We all swam, lazed by the pool, had thai massages and ate all day. Also the security guards at the entrance to our resort made us wonder about what was outside that we needed to be protected from so didnt go out…..As long as you dont go via Bangkok, and if you do stay at the airport hotel, you’ll be fine.
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WOW! The two people below make it sound awful and scary. It is not. I have travelled all over the world and Thailed is beautiful. Yes, it is a 3rd world country, but embrace the beautiful culture and nature of the fantastic Thai people. Try to avoid the more comeercial areas and head out on day trips etc. Beautiful beaches, landscapes, mountains, food, people, weather etc. You will have a fabulous time. Obviously avoid Bangkok at the moment. Phuket is nice. Enjoy your fab holiday!
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I hate moving almost more than anything else. We just moved house again and I swear this is it for at least 10 years – I said that 4 moves ago too!
I thought I was good with stuff. I don’t have a big wardrobe, I don’t collect things and I’m pretty practical but after all that I am still amazed at the things I do have. Highlights are:
1. 15 muffin type trays – 15!! And the pathetic thing is I use them all. Different sizes, different shapes, except I don’t have a friand tray – I want one of those…
2. 4 massive drawers of tupperware. I used to be a Tupperware lady (the country does that to you – no shops just party plan….). I thought I’d given at least half away but I still seem to have so much. Again I use it all and it is expensive and I’m never gonna get it at a discount again, right?
3. Utensils. My husband chucked out all the tupperware gift items – you know the super useful egg separator and the melon baller. But, this hasn’t made a dent. I still have at least 2 drawers of the stuff and again I seem to use it all!
Does anyone else have these kitchen issues? This is crazy. I have a decent kitchen but I am talking about turning the adjacent laundry into a scullery – so I can put in more stuff!
Is there a Kitchen Stuff support group? Anybody want to start one??
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Woolworths have those fantastic containers with the blue clips on sale for HALF PRICE! I was escorted away by Mr. Muffin before I could spend money I don’t have on stuff I don’t need…I think I will qualify as a member of your support group!
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I am addicted to those containers too
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Oh pick me! Mr T nearly cries when he looks into the drawer with all my baking tins/trays/sheets/racks etc and my ‘baking stuff’ shelf in the pantry. He has banned me from buying another baking tray until I sort it out. There’s just too much stuff, and I totally NEED all of it…!
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“Does anyone else have these kitchen issues?”
Yup. My method of solving it probably won’t work for everyone, but what I did was move – from an apartment which had a spare room and acres of cupboard space in the kitchen, into a one-bedroom apartment with much less storage. I can’t buy any ‘large’ kitchen appliances (anything which goes on a shelf or in a cupboard) unless I get rid of something else.
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c’mon, I LOVE my melon baller, use it all the time (seriously). My kids only eat melon if it’s ‘balled’!!!
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Ohhhh buying things for the kitchen is such wonderful retail therapy! It’s so easy to justify that you don’t have to feel guilty! And the matching colours! And the stainless steel shinyness! Perhaps I’ll visit House this arvo…
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I’m sad and feeling pretty lost about my life in general and the future. Things are pretty lonely and empty for me.
I am on anti depressants etc so dont worry – sometimes I just get so overwhelmed with pretending im ok that i have to say that im not once in a while. release the steam vent.
Also im cold. But the rain is nice.
Hope everyone is doing better than me :>)
PS loved your story mia.
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Sorry to hear that life is getting like that. If anyone knows how depression can creep up on you, it’s me! And I also know what its like dealing with other depressed people.
When it’s not raining, try and take a walk outside in the sun, where there is a lot of nature around. Sometimes just chilling out with nothing there can give you a breath of fresh air and clear your mind.
Vent as much as you life!
Best of luck x
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Sorry to hear that life is getting like that. If anyone knows how depression can creep up on you, it’s me! And I also know what its like dealing with other depressed people.
When it’s not raining, try and take a walk outside in the sun, where there is a lot of nature around. Sometimes just chilling out with nothing there can give you a breath of fresh air and clear your mind.
Vent as much as you like!
Best of luck x
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Sending you a hug. Sometimes you just need one when you’re pretending. It’s hard I know, but you’re getting a hug anyway.
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Edlie, I know EXACTLY how you feel. When I feel particularly down I head straight for my iPod and get some tunes happening. Usually just the act of singing to the song and dancing (although I dance like Elaine from Seinfeld…lucky I live alone
) like an idiot can lift your mood. Well, it works for me…plus it’ll warm you up. Moving, whether it’s walking, dancing or doing housework creates endorphins, happy hormones and they definitely work on your low mood. I can’t take anti depressants so I have no choice but to find other ways of lightening my mood. All the very best sweetie x
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Speaking of free speech, how is everyone feeling about Mia’s mate (tongue in cheek oK!?) Tony Abbott’s credibility fail last night?
They say don’t believe a word politicians say, or as Tony points out, don’t take any notice unless it’s clearly laid out in a press release or carefully scripted speech.
Hmm.. can’t wait to see the next poll results
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What I find amusing is more that he said that he can’t say anything of value unless it is scripted. So who is pulling his strings then???
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First an foremost I am sick of people skinny bashing. I am a size 6, I am mostly in proportion, and I eat. Primarily biscuits. Yet people feel the need to call me names. Many brands do not make size 6. Such as bonds, elle mcpherson intimates, lovable, susannes to name a few. Yes I am smaller than average, but average is a fat. FAT. And I am genetically blessed with a fast metabolism, good legs and clear skin. So please leave me alone, it hurts my feelings.
Secondly I dislike Jessica Watson. My peers and colleagues are more heros than she is. They work in Alzheimer research, cancer research, community service just to name a few. They are heros and good role models. She is not. She may be a good sailor and pretty little thing but what she did was a daft idea. Kiddies, do not try this at home.
Thirdly, Kevin Rudd, stop with the foolish taxes, nobody likes it.
That is all that is annoying me at morning tea time on a Tuesday morning.
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Sorry but are you saying that the average person is fat??
Not sure if I am reading your post wrong
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Statistically yes, the average person is fat. With over 50% of adult Australians being overweight, and the average Australian woman being 165cm and a size 14, average is fat. Most frames are not built for that height and that size, particularly when consuming a western diet. It’s not me yelling things because I am frustrated, it’s true.
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Would anyone else be annoyed if their husband planned on buying a ticket to South Africa, for himself, if the team he supports made the World Cup Grand Final?
I don’t want to go to the game but I have wanted to go South Africa for as long as I can remember. I’d be mighty p*ssed off if he went and I didn’t. Am I a selfish wife?
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NO! It would be selfish of him to go alone. Even if you don’t want to go to the game, he should take you so that you can enjoy South Africa.
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Thanks Picardie.girl
I didn’t think I was being unreasonable.
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NOooooooooooooo. Not selfish
This happened to me when my partner went to Hong Kong to see th Rugby 7′s World Cup.
To him, the trip was about the rugby, rugby, drinking and the rugby (which I really can’t get next to) so it never once occurred to him to invite me.
To me it was about shop, shop, shop and then drop. (Which, as a bloke, also never occurred to him).
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I don’t know what to do with my life – how melodramatic!
I finish my Honours degree this year. I’m really interested in Sociology and would love to tutor at Uni and perhaps do my PhD in the next 10 years – hopefully with a scholarship!
But I also want to get married and have kids. I have some debt that needs to be paid off so I really need to work next year but none of the Graduate Programs interest me.
I have reached the point where I am happy to just go with the flow and not put time limits in place about when I want to get married and have kids. But I am feeling a bit helpless that I don’t have a major career ambition. I would like to lecture at Uni but I need to complete my PhD first. I have been thinking about doing a DipEd in Primary Education next year if I get a tutoring position in Sociology, but I am worried this is just a passing thought.
On another note: I don’t know who to vote for. I don’t like Rudd or Abbott. I think I will be basing my decision on the maternity leave schemes seeing as they may affect me – But I don’t know which one is going to be better. Mr. Muffin is a Liberal voter and we live in a strong Liberal seat – so unfortunately he is not much help…
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Anyone has got to be better than Rudd.
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Anyone except Abbott.
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Hey I still don’t know what to do with my life and I am 50! I take it as it comes. I have found that these great life plans don’t necessarily make you happy.Life is journey.
On voting: Who you vote for is up to you but don’t vote on a single issue. Look at the whole package.
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Whenever I am putting socks on with my shoes (like trainers or something) I go through this little ‘dilemma’ in my head. This is why…
About a 100 years ago (ok, maybe 20), I was home from school sick, and I watched Oprah. They had this person on who wrote a book called something like ‘Do you do it with the lights on?’ and the whole hilarious episode was about funny little patterns people follows in their lives. They had people who arranged their dollar bills in a specific order in their purses, washed body parts in the shower the same way every day and so on. One I thought was bizarre was, do people:
a) put both socks on first, then shoes; or
b) put sock and shoe on one foot first and then do the other foot
I remember think, why would you dress one foot fully by itself first? Are you going to hop out the door on that foot only?
Anyway, to this day, so many, many years later, EVERY SINGLE time I put socks on with shoes, I consider this conundrum and now I have my own thing, where I have to ‘mix it up’ and make sure I don’t become obsessed with doing it one way or the other. But there, I now have my own obsession…
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I have to stir things when I’m cooking an even number of times. (like, 6 times around my tea cup).
feel better, lol?
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Both my feet need to have socks on before any shoes go on my feet!
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Thanks for the laughs.. thats brilliant. Oh no – I think I am going to think of that everytime I put my shoes and socks on!!! aaaaaaaaaaaah help
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I KNOW! Sorry, but welcome to my world of shoes and socks conundrum! Please don’t hate me!
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Haha I can see myself doing that now everytime I go to put on socks and shoes..
Thanks a lot!
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Oh no! I can tick every single example you gave! I always (ALWAYS) put socks on first before shoes, as well as arrange paper money in order from smallest to largest, as well as wash (and brush my teeth) in the same order every day. I also do it with the lights on (but that at least is something I/we DO mix up – no set routine there!
)
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Everytime my BF puts on his socks, he grabs either end of the sock and rubs the bottom of his foot, from heel to toe. He does it just to make sure he’s not getting any dirt in his sock. I laugh every time, and he gots so embarressed, but he just can’t stop!
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My body is not making me the least bit happy. I joined Jenny Craig yesterday because I know that in the next 5-10 years, I will end up obese because my eating habits are not up to scratch. I feel tired, lethargic and unwell most of the time. And not just physically. My concentration levels are plummeting, my psychological and emotional state is up and down. Yesterday I did not eat a thing except two sandwhiches and I nearly passed out.. I am feeling pretty low. I started my Jenny diet this morning and I am starting to get excited. I hope this works because I want to feel and look healthier. Wish me luck!
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good luck girly. instead of cutting back drastically on food maybe just try to eat healthier and get the body moving! weight will drop off! xx
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Wishing you all the best girly..
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Good luck! Get excited and get moving — you’ll feel better pretty quickly!
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Last week I decided that enough was enough and I began my ‘new way of life’ (I’d rather not call it a diet). I’m not eating take away, drinking coke, eating chocolate or doing anything I shouldn’t. As well as that I am eating all healthy food and snacking on fresh fruit when I need to. That way I don’t feel so down with my energy levels and this also helps me to do the exercise. For me it’s important not to let my energy levels go down too low because I find that this makes me depressed, and as an emotional eater this isn’t a good thing!
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Good luck!! You know you can do it!!
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I think I’m at risk of sounding like a bit of a zealot, but you must check out Michelle Bridges’ http://www.12wbt.com – changed my life. I’ve lost 13kg since January and have transformed from a couch potato into someone who ran their first ever 5km in 28 mins the other day. Seriously, it’s that good.
Real recipes, real exercise, good advice and support. Round 2 opens some time in June, I think.
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yes, her book is fantastic!!!! Basically cut out anything ‘refined’ including juices etc. You do not need to starve at all!!
I am doing ‘Body trim’ have lost 8kg in 10weeks.
Keep up the effort, it’s worth it for your well being, it’s not about being a bikini model.
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Something that I find helps me with eating good food is chopping up fruit and vegies as snacks and then putting them into little containers and keeping them in my handbag. I usually do thin slices of red apples with red grapes and carrot with yellow capsicum. I also keep those little boxes of ducks nuts handy too. And sometimes a few corn crackers (these are the oragnic ones) in a zip lock bag as well. It is amazing what a difference this makes to how you feel. I think the rule of thumb is to eat every 2 to 3 hours, but just small amounts. If you spend 10 mins in the morning preparing, it really is easy.
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Thanks, everyone! I am really enjoying all the food and all your well wishes have made me feel so pumped to get this done. Thank you all =)
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I know this will sound cheap but whenever my husband and I go out for dinner (say at a club or pub) we buy one meal and split it in two. The meals they give you are HUGE and half of one of those is still really satisfying. Honestly, the cost reduction is only secondary to making sure we don’t eat too much. Reducing the amount I eat (as well as exercise) has made a massive difference to my weight and hopefully helps prolong my good health!
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It completely stresses me about how thoughtless and lazy my husband is.
It seems my first thought is always what he needs and making sure he has it. But I seem to completely bypass his thoughts.
Lazy lazy lazy…….how do I make him aware of the need to do things around the house without me having to tell him first. It seems I have to think about, organise and stress about everything for us.
I am tired
PS Mia LOVE LOVE LOVE your work
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i think key is – he WON’T know if you don’t tell him! what’s wrong with telling him? i think the major communication between men and women is this (and i have yet to read mars v venus so correct me if i’m wrong)
when men want something done they ask. women HOPE people will assume they want something done. PROBLEM: when they aren’t asked, men don’t think there’s a problem.
to be honest i don’t have a problem asking my boyfriend to do things. i don’t expect him to be a mind reader, and he doesn’t mind me asking!
leave him to-do lists (in a nice way of course, sign them off with a smile and a kiss!)
works for me!
xx
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I agree with Miss M. You can’t expect him to instinctively know what you expect of him. Create a roster in negotiation with him and stick to it.
And stop always putting his needs first and foremost, otherwise you enabling his selfishness.
As Dr Phil says – there is a time when you need to stop complaining and start asking. Tell him what you want!
Good luck!
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Thanks for the advice.
The main cause of my frustration is I continually ask him to do things and have to constantly remind him.
I just would like to hope common sense would prevail when he see’s the cupboards empty of food and goes to the shop to get something.
it does worry me what will happen if and when we have kids……do i have the energy and inclination to have to do it all then?
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give him a list, or live with telling him. Men just don’t see mess.
If I ask my husband to do something I get pissy that he sort of sits there, like ‘I’ll get to it’. Once I asked him why, and he said “there’s no rush to bring the washing in’. Um, honey, I have more jobs when that is over!
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Try telling him how you feel and how his behaviour is affecting you. Seeing it in the context of what it puts you through will help him to do things out of consideration for you, not because you’ve asked him. If necessary, make a list of things that need doing so that if he has no initiative, he can get ideas of ways he can help out. I’ve been through a similar battle with my boyfriend, he is a lovely man but just not used to thinking about others. If you persist in telling him how you feel and getting him to see it from your perspective (and try not to lose your temper), he’ll get the idea. Mine did. Good luck! xx
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ok so I have a couple of suggestions both of which have worked in our place, the first one we no longer need as we have found a natural rhythm. So if asking doesn’t work ~
1- spreadsheet baby! – (Mrpt is a little besotted with them so that helps) –1st ask him to get a list together on a spreadsheet of all the chores he can think of – do it room by room that way nothing is missed, then add the jobs you see. Have a line under each job for each of you, and a date line across the top, when you do a job put a 1 in the box under the date in your line (if you do it twice in one day a 2 etc). Set a time frame (we used fortnightly) to review what had and had not been done and the expected time frame to have things done – eg dishes twice every day, changing the sheets once a week/fortnight. Agree on the timeframes and then let it go for another week, Mrpt was genuinely surprised at the amount of washing I did and cleaning the bathroom too –he was under the impression that it just didn’t get dirty…. and this way you aren’t nagging but documenting.
2- Find out which of the jobs you loathe and which you don’t really mind doing eg I hate vacuuming but don’t mind changing the sheets so now I do one and he does the other. I HATE dishes but find folding washing meditative (shhh!) So we trade.
3- Finally if he does something let him know you notice and appreciate it, Don’t give the man a parade but saying things like – Hey you vacuumed, it’s so nice when I come home from work/school/a nightclub (as if) to a clean floor I really appreciate that you did that.” I know it sounds patronising but it really does help..
good luck!
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That sounds like a fantastic idea!!! Love your work. I’m off to start a spreadsheet now!!!!!!
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Just remember it’s imperative that HE has spreadsheet imput, it goes over better that way, rather than you going gangbusters and telling him this is what is happening before he agrees to it, you don’t want to ambush the poor bloke!
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Bloody good idea, pt, I’m going to do one too!
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I’m sitting here watching The Morning Show… My random thought for the day is ‘if those products are SO amazing, why aren’t the retailers battling it out to sell them?’…
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check this product out! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bM4eJ38S7Hw
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LMAO!! Surely that’s a joke!?
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Apparently not!
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
ROFL
Get back up
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
Can’t stop laughing.
That is hilarious.
Oh, tummy muscles hurt now.
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If I see more ad about the H2O mop I’m going to scream!!! Oh and I love how when they compare it to regular mops they make regular mops look like the most difficult things to use in the world.. bucket spills over, sore back… LOL
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haha..so true!!
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I often wonder if that woman on the half price roller shutter ad is seriously the best person they could find for the job. And the Woolworths fresh fruit lady at the moment. Oh dear.
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Or the lady that sells the food for Brand Power. She is all teeth! I don’t buy the product because she annoys me haha.
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This week I have decided to go back to uni full time and give up my job which I have hated with a passion for years now. I am currently having a panic attack about money as I will need to sell the unit we are living in but want to get enough to pay rent for a couple of years to take the pressure off. There are a number of units in our complext for sale and they all seem to be just sitting on the market which is a bit scary for me. I have 8 weeks until uni starts and 2 weeks before I am officially accepted and can hand in my resignation and put the house on the market. Hopefully I can get a kickass tax return that will buy me a few more weeks of mortgage payments before I have to have a fire sale. Argh – yes I am crazy, thanks for asking.
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feel the fear and do it anyway!
Improving your education is NEVER a waste or a bad decision.
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I did this at the beginning of the year. The adjustment form having a regular fulltime wage to earning $300 a fortnight ($270 of which goes straight to rent) has been very hard. I don’t get youth allowance and have a csaual job that I travel an hour to get to – for a three hour shift! But going to uni is the best thing I ever did. I am absolutely loving it! If you can do it without selling your house try to, because the rental market is ridiculous.
Good Luck Mrs!
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Hey All!
I would love some ideas/suggestions for an awesome theme to celebrate my 30th birthday party. Anyone been to a smashing shindig that just blew their mind? please share the experience!
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My friend had a costume party with “childhood” as the theme. People came dressed as fairies, Mr T, Dorothy, Wonder woman, pretty much anything! Food was childhood themed like fairy bread, party pies, lollies that we used to eat as kids. B’day cake was a fancy fairy tale castle. It was lots of fun and everyone had a ball.
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OMG thats what I’m doing!!!! Noone even suggested it to me. I just have an obsession with Dora the explorer and really want to dress up as her, so I thought a “Kid’s tv show” theme would be perfect so I can be as immature as possible and not feel old by turning 30!! We are going to have a Dora pinata, we are playing “pass the drink” (hehe) and I am making lolly bags for people!! yay!
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I had amate who recently did that also and she hired a fairy floss makes AND A JUMPING CASTLE!!!!! Sooo much fun!
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I had a mate who recently did that also and she hired a fairy floss makes AND A JUMPING CASTLE!!!!! Sooo much fun!
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Lisa I had a Roaring 20′s theme for my 21st and had SO MUCH FUN! I found the prefect venue and everyone put in a massive effort to get dressed up. The highlight was my Nana in a very short black flapper dress and a bright red feather boa!
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I just went to a Roaring 20′s engagement party, and it was fantastic! They had organised to have the people from Swing Patrol (www.swingpatrol.com.au) come and do a quick demonstration, then a lesson for all the guests. It was so much fun and a great way to get everyone involved and on the dancefloor. I had the best time EVER.
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Live Your Dream theme – come as what you’ve always dreamed of being!
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I organised my boyfriends 30th recently and it was a uniform themed party and everyone went crazy! It was like everyone left their inhibitions at home once they donned their uniforms!
It was soooo much fun. The next morning I had to jump on facebook to block any of my family members seeing photo’s I was tagged in as I knew there were some crazy ones!
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Op shop glamour…. hilarous to see what people come up with
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Love it love it love it! thank you all for the added inspiration
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I haven’t been to one, but heard of the Rubix Cube theme, everyone has one main colour, but a mix of colours on (like, your colour is yellow, so you have yellow skirt/pants, and top) then green sunnies, pink jacket, blue socks etc, then by the end of the night, everyone has swapped clothes so that they all only have one colour on…
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Going to a ‘what you wanted to be when you grew up’ 30th soon. Should be fun.
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Sorry everyone, but I have a second post. And I’m going to steal one of my favourite Danya-isms and tell you to go and put the kettle on and get comfy. I have half a novel to write.
Please note that my light hearted mood today is in stark contrast to last Friday when I cried in Coles for the first time since the first time I had to go there after Kat died. My plea is to everyone that in the course of their day has occasion to interact in some way with one of their fellow members of the human species. Especially if that interaction is in some professional capacity. Please try to remember that you just never know what is happening or what has happened in someone else’s life. To the person who inspired me to write this: I did not appreciate your barely concealed snort followed by “oh my god and you’re going back for MORE?” when you heard that this is my fourth pregnancy. I was left speechless for just long enough for you to laugh at your own cleverness at which point it didn’t seem appropriate to tell you that my daughter was stillborn six months ago this week. For the first time ever I DIDN’T tell someone about my baby girl. You see, I thought it would make you feel bad, so I kept my mouth shut which made me feel awful. And yes I know that as we continued talking I found out that you have had one very difficult pregnancy with twins and that was enough for you. You see pregnancy as an extremely horrendous state of being and can’t understand why someone would want to do it four times. I get that. Because, as I said above, I try to bear in mind that I just never know what has happened in someone else’s life to make them say the things they say and do the things they do. I probably wouldn’t have been so confronted by this if it was in the context of talking with a new acquaintance, but I didn’t expect it from someone I was seeing for medical purposes.
This goes for all those random encounters that, although brief, make another person’s day just a little bit worse for having had the experience. Those times that someone doesn’t stop at a give way sign, or turns at a roundabout without indicating, or steals a park, or is rude to some poor shop or office worker who is just doing their job and has no input into how the business they work at is run. We all have lives that we’re trying our best to live, we all have places to be and things to do. What the hell makes yours so much more important than those of the people around you?
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I’m not sure if there is anything I can say that will make you feel better. I’m sorry about your precious one… sometimes terrible things happen to nice people.
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well said! thinking of you and wishing you well
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Really well said, Jenni, and along similar lines of the call for manners below. It’s wonderful to hear a call for compassion; I just wish you didn’t have to go through such a horrible experience. I’m shocked that someone you were seeing for medical purposes would speak to you this way; it’s terribly unprofessional and so sad for you.
When catching the train, I often encounter pushy people who make me think the exact same as you — “What the hell makes your lives so much more important than those of the people around you?”
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So true Jenni. As my wise dad always says ‘you know never know what other people’s lives are like, because you don’t walk in their shoes’
For some years now I have been baffled and saddened by my cousins heroin addiction. Which I just don’t get. But, I don’t have to ‘get it’. I’m not walking in his shoes. I just need to be around for him, and not pass judgement.
Jenni, I send you warm wishes for this pregnancy and also for your coping with your loss. xx
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I’m right there with you Jenni, I try to live my life so that the encounters I make during the day are pleasant for me and by extension the people I deal with. How much more civil would our society be if most people tried to live like this? That said…I don’t always get it right either!!
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I am one of those people that make a stupid joke hoping it will make people feel better, Maybe she was feeling awkward.
Except you’re seeing her in a medical capacity, and she should be a professional.
Also, I get this all the time. I get told I’m too young to have children (thank you beautician!), that with three kids I am killing the planet, or that I got married to young and it won’t last (it’s lasted ten years so far).
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Best of luck too!
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this is not a very profound statement but :
“some people are just dicks”
and I understand completely what you are saying.
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I need tax time to come around. Pronto. The ATO tax calculator told me I am due for a $4000 refund and I am clinging desperately to that estimate because I REALLY need cash.
I need to save up $3000 spending money for an OS trip, buy a new vacuum cleaner and camera, and pay my car insurance and registration by September.
Why did I choose to go into such a low-paying career like journalism? I should have become an electrician.
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I feel your pain, Jessica! I’m also trying to save $$ for an overseas trip and just cannot do it on my current wage! Am relying on my tax return to get me over the line!
I’m a lawyer and ironically, my tradie clients often earn more than me!
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I’ve got a tradie mate who earnt my monthly wage in one week a few weeks ago.
Makes me sick. And he doesn’t have tens of thousands of HECS debt to contend with either!
Zero point in going to university.
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My husband is a very well paid engineer but the subcontractors/tradies he supervises earn much, much more than he does.
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Funny post Mia – that’s why we love you, just keeping it real. I would like to say that I just saw the most disturbing thing on E!News 7 year old girls dancing to Single Ladies. Don’t get me wrong they are amazing dancers obviously talented but in the tiniest costumes and acting way too sexy for 7 year olds. IMHO inappropriate…
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I saw that! They are fantastic dancers but I cringed the whole way through! So horrifying. One of my fellow Honours students is studying the sexualisation of children and this is a perfect example. Had they been wearing different clothes and not shimmying and grinding their hips, it could have been amazing instead of shocking…what is the world coming to???
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I recently watched a primary school talent quest where my 6 year old neice and a few of her friends gyrated there way through a cringewothry preformace of TIK TOK that was coreographed by an 11 year old student. I was standing there watching amongst all the proud clapping parents thinking” Am i the only one appauled by this?”
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My main issue was not the dancing but the COSTUMES! They looked like refugees from Moulin Rouge … the costumes in the original video were more modest than that.
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I just saw that on The View! Whoopi was saying she felt that the costumes are just that costumes and they show the dance moves best. She felt the person who is at fault is the person who released the footage and the people who distributed it!! Whoopi also said that the girls don’t know that they are suggestive sexual moves, for them it is just dancing. Other people make it sleazy! Personally, I don’t agree!
My daughter had her first Year 3 evening disco at school last week. One girl turned up in a sequined mini and boots!! I’m not sure what Year she is in at school but if that is what she is wearing now what will she be wearing at 18!!
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Great story Mia. I also liked your comment about your nanny, I always maintained that my children were far better behaved for our nanny than their mother which is way I was always just that little bit off being completely nuts.
My soapbox topic 1) Manners (along similar lines of Jodie Ansted’s comment). It appears that no-one has manners any more. Or maybe I just associate with the wrong people? Please, thank you, being polite, smiling, it is not going to kill you and might actually make your day and the recipient’s day just that little nicer.
Soapbox topic 2) Mobile phone etiquette. Please, do not jabber into your mobile phone while conducting ANY sort of commercial transaction. It is rude. The retailer is forgiven for overcharging you if you are not able to participate fully in the transaction. Please, turn your phone off in church, even if you don’t want to be there others perhaps do. Please, do not answer your phone in the toilet, it is un-nerving for other cubicle occupiers, not to mention your caller. If you need to take an important call at an inconvenient time, in a meeting, out to lunch/dinner, playing golf, whatever, remove yourself from your companions and jabber. I do not want to hear your conversation, I am not interested.
I’ll hop down off the soapbox now. Thank you readers.
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I think a lot of people THINK they say please and thank you, but if you pointed out how often they actually said it, they would realise that they don’t. Please and thank you make a huge difference, especially when it’s your boss doing the asking. Bring back manners!
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Oh, and SNAP on the talking on a mobile while conducting a commercial transaction. Hideously rude.
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Manners is a great one! I used to waitress and on days where I wasn’t feeling great and I’d had one rude customer too many, after they had demanded their order I’d sarcastically say “Please, thank you, no problem at all Sir/Mamam”
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very funny re please and thank you. i dropped in on my 90 year old nana the other day and she had her carer there. she was ordering her around like an old bat! i said “nana say please and thank you!!!! you are so rude!” the carer lady got a right laugh out of it and i could tell she was grateful!!! it’s just the little things that make a difference. also i get annoyed when you let someone in in traffic etc and they don’t do the “wave” thank you!!!!!
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I’m surprised with a newish K-mart ad with a mother pushing a stroller and a toddler walking, she’s on the phone and the assistant gets a kettle for her, she only nods thank you. Very rude.
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Oh thank you Judy! One of my jobs is in retail and I also Nurse…most people say thank you..it’s the ones who don’t that I always seem to remember! As far as mobiles go..when I’m in the shop and someone answers their phone I walk away and if they want to have further assistance they can come and get me. I never answer the phone when I have someone in front of me. Thank you for allowing me to get that off my chest Mia and Judy!
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oh you know my pet hate in regards to bad manners – when you greet someone and ask them how they are and they don’t ask how you are in response.
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same! or people that say something like, ‘not bad’ (what does that even mean??!) and then launch into a monologue about all the BAD stuff that has happened to them.
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I was a bank teller when mobiles first came in. If someone was on their phone, I’d stop. When I was in the navy, we used to serve people at meals – wouldn’t serve them if they were on their phone.
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Ohh yes Bad manners.
When someone STILL has their i pod earbuds still in their ears while I’m talking to them.
And they say “pardon?” “What?” Excuse me” “sorry I didn’t hear you.” Of course you didn’t you Idiot.
Is it bad manners to rip them out of their ears?
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My father has been in hospital for the last 8 weeks and will soon be moved to a Nursing Home. In this time I have come to realise that the medical profession are totally useless at dealing with people with hearing and sight disabilities. Why?
I still cannot believe they lost his hearing aids then to add insult to injury refuse to remember or note on his file that they need to talk into his LEFT ear. I mean how hard is it? I and my family have come to the dreadful conclusion that medical staff are not trained on how to deal with elderly patients. This is a major problem for all of us.
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I understand exactly what you mean, Anon. My 82-year-old mum has been in hospital for nearly 10 weeks and she is also hard of hearing but won’t wear her hearing aid. We had an ICU doctor tell us she had given up the will to live because she was unresponsive, when in fact none of the staff was paying attention to us telling them that they needed to speak loudly on her left side or she wouldn’t answer as she was embarrassed she’d get her answer wrong through not hearing their questions.
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When my Nan was in hospital with her cancer, she kind of shrunk, so her hearing aids were really uncomfortable for her to wear. We started keeping an exercise book and wrote stuff down for her to read if we needed to tell her something, or just let her know nice stuff. It worked really well.
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