And hey, I’m here to serve (or at least inform and entertain) you, so let’s give it a whirl.
I’m going to kick off by telling you about my Friday night. Last week, as regular visitors will know, was utterly surreal. I spent much of Friday just drained and mentally curled into the foetal position, rocking in the corner. Since ACTUALLY doing that was not really my thing, I decided instead to take myself to go see a movie preview (more about that shortly, you’re going to be excited) and then I sent my wonderful nanny home early so I could ground myself by spending extra time with my kids.
Things in my house work very well when our nanny Mel is in charge. She is a far more efficient and organised herder of children than I am. But, in my defence, I think they behave much worse for me. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Life is certainly more unpredictable when I’m in charge. I bundled the two little ones into the bath along with their cheese and crackers. I’ve never minded them eating in the bath. Not, you know, entire meals. Like I would never serve them spaghetti or lasange in the bath. But the odd snack? Whatever. When hunger and bathtime collide, I’m ok with that.
It’s all going swimmingly until the toddler does a poo. Oh, if you’re eating while you read this, maybe come back later. Or at least swallow before you read more. At first, I think it’s just some cracker but as soon as I realise, I mobile and whip the kids out of the bath. As I attempt to fish out the floating turd, my daughter catches sight of it and vomits all over the floor. She has a weak stomach like that.
I am very calm at this stage. I skillfully tuck the toddler under one arm, step over the vomit and usher my daughter towards the other bathroom. I pop them both under the shower and scrub them vigorously. Then it’s into pyjamas (have you ever tried to contain a live octopus in a string bag? That’s what dressing my children is like) and back to the other bathroom to tackle the vomit.
Thoughtfully, the dog has helped out by eating it. That would be my trifecta of absurdity then. The whole episode was still infinitely more pleasurable than the rest of last week, let me tell you.
So. Anything you’d care to share? Anything happened to you lately, good, bad, amusing, outrageous or trivial that you’d like to get off your chest? Anything you’ve got an opinion or thought about that needs a good airing? Now is your chance….