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When your GP asks how many alcoholic drinks you have in a week, they double your answer. Did you know that? I do, so I halve my answer. Joking. Kind of.
I would like to drink less. Not that I drink that much. Or do I? Compared to whom? Next to Patsy from Ab Fab I’m a teetotaler. Compared to, say, Lana, I’m … well, Patsy.
Wine is my beverage of choice. Sauvignon blanc, icy cold. I also like pinot grigio and occasionally a red wine. Champagne is lovely on special occasions. Or when it’s on special. I don’t drink beer or spirits and I never, ever drink if I’ll be driving. Not even one.
So clearly, I’m not ‘a drinker.’ Drinkers will guzzle vanilla essence and I won’t go near chardonnay.
But it’s been a big summer. We spent the holidays visiting friends and family and there was wine most nights. And some days. Problem is, we’ve been home a month and come 6 o’clock I can feel my body whispering, ‘wine time.’ My answer is invariably, ‘Why not? It’s been a busy day.’ But every day is busy, and one glass turns into two, then two into three. I’m rarely drunk but I’m not sober either and it’s not good for me, or for my family. It’s time for a break before my habit becomes a problem.
So I’ve signed up for febfast – a month off the sherbs – and Mamamia has signed on as online media partner. Why am I doing it? Mainly for my health, but with the added appeal of supporting programs for young people with alcohol and drug addictions.
I like to think febfast will be easy, that I won’t even notice, but there are a couple of danger zones – my sister’s birthday at a lovely restaurant, a book launch. And, holy moly, I’m just remembering this now – a school P&C meeting. Sober. Maybe I do have a problem.
febfast is a national fundraising initiative which challenges people to send their grog on holiday in February and raise money to help young Aussies overcome alcohol, drug and mental health problems. Go to www.febfast.org.au for more information.
Click here for Mamamia’s febfast fundraising page. Any donations would be much appreciated!
What’s your relationship with alcohol? Would a month off the sauce kill you?
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124 Comments so far
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I posted the Febfast link to the group of friends I went to school with on Facebook with a gentle encouragement, based on the fact that I do, and have done for some time, volunteer and outreach work with children and teens affected by long-term symptoms of foetal alcohol syndromes and drug/alcohol abuse.
I’m almost nineteen and not a heavy drinker (for two reasons – I am a Christian but I also dislike the idea of being unable to control myself), but my friends are, and the first response was ‘I would, but Kareela Bottle-O is selling goon for $7. That’s 44 standard drinks for $7, and just under 7 drinks to the dollar.’ The next response was ‘Hell yes!’ and the next one was ‘Everyone to Kareela Bottle-O.’ Firstly, I was disgusted at how disrespectful it was in the spirit of the cause. Secondly, I was disdainful that they couldn’t stop themselves from drinking because of cheap alcohol. Thirdly, I was horrified that this was allowed to slip under the increased alcohol tax radar. Why is it allowed to be so cheap and accessible!? No-one I know that drinks heavily really cares what it tastes like as long as it writes them off, so you can’t argue that it is marketed to adults and isn’t a risk/attractive to youths with alcohol-related problems. What is this!?
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All right, you’ve challenged me now! I don’t drink, but I will take on Feb Fast in my own way – no artificial sugar, colours or flavours. Time to tackle my own crutch. Let’s see how we go…
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I was on holiday for 2 weeks with my family and i had wine, my drink of choice every night for 2 weeks straight. I never drank a lot in a night, just a glass with dinner, but it was enough that when i came home i felt a bit odd not having wine with dinner. It’s all fine now, i only drink a few nights a week.
Could I abstain from alcohol for a month? Not really, I’m still in the 21st birthday party season! :p
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I don’t enjoy drinking, have never enjoyed the taste of more than a very limited amount of fancy cocktails, and as I’m getting older I don’t even care about having a drink. Sure I’ll have half a flute of champagne at special occasions, and should I one day find myself at a tropical resort with just my husband or a girlfriend I’d probably get one of those with an umbrella.
In short, a month without a drink happens frequently (constantly) for me, and having recently fallen pregnant I’m so excited that I finally have a legit excuse too! -but that’s for another topic
My issue is my husband. He works away four weeks at a time, and when he’s home for his four weeks he treats it as holiday time. Hence, he’ll start of low key, but after the first week he’s into a few beers a day as well as one or two pints of mixed spirits at night. It just doesn’t sit comfortably with me. He doesn’t get drunk, but surely it can’t be good for him in the long run?? And there is nothing I can say or do to make him want to change either…
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I recently did 18 days of no drinking (2nd Jan to 20th) I was meant to go to the 21st but I wanted a Friday drink.
I dealt with summer days out (“oh we’d normally have a wine but your not drinking”).. a family gathering- where my parents had me go out to a bottle shop to get them wine, a night at 3 pubs and karaoke and stressful days at work. Oh and friends saying- you don’t need to have a detox off alcohol have a wine…
I learnt I can handle those situations with out drinking (I can belt out a tune sober- it’s only hard because you have to remember how bad you are!), I can develop new routines and that it was nice and cheap not to be popping into the bottle shop from time to time.
I also loved being able to get up and run every day without that hungover feeling.
Moving forward I am drinking again, I like a wine and the social encounters I have (eg I meet friends at the pub for a drink and something to eat, rather then a cafe for a coffee) but I am drinking less. I’m reducing the amount I drink and having more water and I’m trying to drink less often.
With these things it’s what you want to get out of it. I wanted to learn how to be with less alcohol and I have
Good luck (and stay strong when someone tries to get you to drink or points out you’d be different if you drank!)
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Abstaining from alcohol for a month certainly won’t do you any harm… but I must say I dislike the idea of giving up anything cold turkey. I think there is a real binge/fast culture in Australia where people tend to do things in extremes – I notice it in events such as ‘dry july’ and TV shows like the Biggest Loser or those bloody juice fasts that are popping up everywhere.
The best way to live is by enjoying things in moderation, be that food, wine, alcohol or anything else and by having an even keeled approach to things. This is how you set yourself up to have healthy relationships with food and drink.
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You have touched on something I didn’t really say. I completely agree. I stopped drinking as part of a plan to be a better drinker overall but now I’m having to think about how to foster that as stopping drinking really just showed me the benefits of not drinking and that I could do it but not how to pace my drinks, have more water, think actively about what I’m doing, etc
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Interesting you say that you disagree with giving up anything cold turkey. AGREE!! Heavy/daily drinkers can actually be at risk of seizures if they give up cold turkey – alcohol can be incredibly dangerous to withdraw from, so if any heavy drinkers are thinking of doing febfast – good on you – but see a doctor to make sure you do it safely.
On your other point Jayne, I think many people would agree with you about enjoying things in moderation, spouting how a glass of wine is good for your heart health etc. Alcohol in moderation IS harmful and the ‘health benefits’ for your heart that everyone seems to spout can equally be obtained through a daily intake of fruit, vegetables and wholegrains. Many people with heart problems will be advised to give up alcohol. Just a few examples:
1. after 2 standard drinks our antibody defences operate at less than 1/3 of their normal functioning, making us more susceptible to illness.
2. The risk of mouth, pharynx and larynx cancer is approximately 25% higher per drink per day, with similar results for oesophageal cancer.
3. There is an increased risk in developing breast cancer with each drink per day, with some studies showing a 40-100% increased risk in people who drink 2 drinks per day compared to non-drinkers.
4. Sexual performance begins to be affected at a blood alcohol level of 0.03 in men and 0.04 in women and even in social drinkers, alcohol causes significant decreases in the motility and velocity of sperm, so it’s harder to get pregnant.
5. Alcohol, even in small amounts can cause some mental health conditions and worsen symptoms
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Sadly I have sworn off wine (not that I ever drank much). I will occasionally have a glass or two of champers, but wine, especially white, kills me. I progressively seemed to react worse and worse to it, I believe I am allergic to some of the preservatives in it. I’ve found myself vomiting after 2 glasses, having shocking headaches, blood shot eyes, and red blotches/skin irritation around my face and neck after only one glass. Last year 2 glasses caused me an epileptic seizure for the first time in 4 years. I am small and have low alcohol tolerance anyway, but wine is just a disaster waiting to happen for me.
So… I drink lightly in social situations if I feel like it, and when I’m at home indulge in coke zero haha sucks to be me! But good luck with your febfast Kate!
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Have you tried preservative-free wine?
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THIS is so timely for me!! Wow. Me and husband have recently decided to have 4 nights off a week after we too realised we were knocking off a bottle of red between us a night.
I’m another ‘I blame the kids’ – excuses I know! But after a day at home with two preschoolers it was medicinal! I often had a glass of red while I was cooking the kids dinner or found that by the time 4pm was coming round I was CRAVING a drink. One would then turn into two, and often three before bed. I just told myself that red wine was good for me….. but in reality it was getting a bit out of hand and once I started with the whole train of thought “If I worry about being an alcoholic….”. It got scary.
I had a night a few weeks ago when I started googling round websites on how to cut down and found some fabulous info out there. And the realisation that I was having WAY more than a standard drink each time scared me too.
So now when the evening cravings start I have a sparkling water (in my wine glass). I’ve found that SO much was just habit – the ritual of opening the sparkling water is just as satisfying! Sometimes I struggle, but I read that the cravings will come in ‘waves’ and all I need to do is ride each wave out.
Thankfully, I’ve found that I the cravings are lessening and also that I desire less on the nights we do allow ourselves a drink. I know that part of it is habit as I easily gave up when I was pregnant and BF and also the first time round about 4 months before we started trying to conceive.
I’ve also signed up to do Michelle Bridges 12 week body challenge and I’m pretty determined to loose weight, tone up and treat my body with a bit more respect.
Good luck Kate and thanks for writing this – nice to know I’m not alone!!
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Awesome story, very honest and insightful!
Thanks for sharing and best of luck to you!
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Thanks.
I’ve LOVED this post and comments – as I said, so timely.
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Hmm, I like the ads with the alcopop bottles sitting on deckchairs on a cruise ship.
Despite my love of alcohol and my overly friendly relationship with it from my teens to my 30s, I rarely drink anymore. Unfortunately if I have more than 2-3 drinks in one sitting I pay dearly for it with a killer headache. I think I’ve had enough of them to last a lifetime. This would be absolutely no challenge, so I won’t be signing up for it. My hubby however…….
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I just signed up! Thanks for the extra convincing, I had been thinking about it for a while.
Let the fasting begin. Cheers
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Well done Kate and I wish you all the best with it. I try to have two-three alcohol free months every year to prove to myself I’m in control rather than the other way around!
I find I’m a bit anxy the first few days (all the more reason for doing it!) but after a week I’m getting smug and after two weeks I feel I could just keep going forever. A tiny bit like smoking but much easier. In social situations I have diet tonic water with a slice of lemon and its not much different to a G&T in taste! Anyway well done in advance xx
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How pure you all sound.
But wait are you doing this to lose weight, because you are becoming an alcoholic and drinking throughout the day, a health problem maybe?
I never drank until I was 30, I didn’t like the taste: I found that I liked red wine ( my age group used to push white for women, red for men) and now a few wines each night no problem.
Last year I had an operation and in the aftermath my liver was tested, the doctor commented how refreshing it was to have someone who didn’t drink, what me!!!!
Do I want to live an extra few months “old and dribbly” (a Billy Connelly quote). Am I drunk and falling down, am I incapable of performing my normal life things, am I wasting all my money on alcohol? NOOOOOO.
I have days off it, when I have to drive, when I have grandkids here. No problem. I hate coffee; I hate tea; not too keen on water. I love the taste of my wine.
Tell me it’s a big health problem and I will quit but for goodness sake not because there is something “wrong “ about it. there are lots of things that cause lots more problems: I have never smoked, don’t do extreme sports, don’t eat unpreserved “healthy” food.
So wino’s out there enjoy.
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I just did a 9 month fast, while pregnant. Didnt find it hard at all to do but gosh I’m enjoying a glass of white at 5pm to get me through dinner with 3 kids under 6!
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If I were to do FebFast now, it would be fairly easy. I think I could be as far as Valentine’s Day before I noticed. I drink one glass of wine with dinner every week or so, and a couple if I go out. And the occasional slurp of liqueur over ice cream.
Four or five years ago, though, it would have been impossible. I’d been in a relationship where we had a couple of glasses with dinner most nights, then we split and I got depressed. I drank more to numb it and my anxiety, until I was having 3 or 4 glasses every night.
I started to get a bit worried about it and then my current partner showed up, so with his support I gradually reduced. I didn’t want to give up completely because then alcohol still wins, so I gradually cut down. I had a glass when I didn’t really feel like it and nothing when I did, and cut down the number of glasses when I did drink (eg no glass while I’m cooking). I also drank non-alcoholic wine for a month or so, to help isolate the habit from the dependancy. Gradually, it became easirr and easier.
A good (in the long-term) sideeffect was that my anxiety spiked once I wasn’t anaesthetising it every night, so I saw my doctor and a psychologist and have got a solid grip on that.
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As a teenager I was never one to binge drink on the weekends after 1-2 bad experiences as a 17 year old. I only regularly started drinking alcohol at about 21 when I’d buy the odd bottle of wine/Baileys etc to relax with on a Friday/Saturday night. In the past year or so I’ve probably averaged one bottle of wine a week – some two-three a week, some none at all.
Lately I’ve been more at the two-three a week spectrum so Febfast is as good an opportunity as any to to a step back and avoid the empty calories wine provides. Come Friday night I think I’ll miss it, but hopefully it won’t be as much of a habit – instead just an occasional treat – after the month is up.
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Out of the blue, in my late 30′s, I completely lost the taste for alcohol. I would take a sip and feel like I wanted to spit it straight back out. Weird.
Then, even weirder, a few years later I was doing some research for a few months on alcohol rehab programs and at night when I was writing it up I would have 2 – 3 very strong Black Russians while I sat at the computer and I was pleasantly happy and oh so mellow. Once I was finished the research, I never thought about Black Russians again.
Then, a few years ago, I had a severe reaction to medication and my liver went into a semi-failed state. So, my maybe-I-might-have-a-drink-to-see-if-I-like-it-again turned into it would be incredibly stupid to drink now.
People sometimes give me a look of disbelief when I say I don’t drink which can feel a bit awkward.
When talking to patients to help them with chronic disease management, forsaking alcohol and cigarettes and some foods are the areas where they have to tackle some really difficult feelings.
Good luck Kate and all you febfasters … what a great thing you are doing
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Would I struggle to do a month without it? Definitely. I’d also struggle to do a month without Vegemite toast, or funny cat videos. I’m not trying to make light of serious problems with alcohol but I also think people can be a bit too hard on themselves. My rule is if it’s not affecting your work, your relationships, or your (present) health (I don’t claim to know what the future effects will be), and if you can comfortably afford it, don’t worry too much.
If I have too much and get drunk then I regret it, but having one while I make dinner, having 3 or 4 with workmates on a Friday…I’d really miss these.
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I drink a glass of wine every night. I have a baby and a toddler, and by the time they are in bed I’m dying for it. I very rarely pour a second.
I would love to give it up but I’m totally addicted & look forward to it every day. My husband is currently overseas for work so they is next to no chance of giving it up right now!
Are there any real health risks if you do stick to just one but have one every day?
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I think it’s fine as i have been doing that for a long time now. My husband and I have just given up alcohol 4 nights a week because we want to lose weight. I can do it but don’t want to, I love my wine too. Anyway, it has been working except for the first night when I forgot. I pour a glass of red while cooking dinner and we chat. It is working on the weight too.
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Yes, you’re continuously damaging your liver. Especially because one glass of wine isn’t usually one standard drink but closer to two or even three. This is why the recommendations are for at least two alcohol free days a week.
It’s not just the liver either, it affects memory, nutrient absorption, fat metabolism, a whole bunch of things that are rarely reported.
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It’s the fun police!
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Boo hiss. Just kidding, you are very right. I think i’ve been in denial for a while. And i’m sure by pouring drinks at home I am definitely giving myself a generous glass.
I’m not sure I can go Feb-free but I will definitely be trying to drink less this month.
Funny thing is my husband hasn’t had a drink since April last year. He did a total number on himself, felt so awful about it that he has since given up.
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Best of luck for you fellow anon *hugs*
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I’ve never been one to have a drink every night with dinner – alcohol has pretty much been something to have on a special occasion, or a Friday or Saturday night out.
When I was trying to lose weight, Easy Slim and Weight Watchers gave us all the talk about how alcohol was just generally empty calories, so I started to cut right back.
If I drank when I went out on a weekend with my partner or friends, I’d have a cocktail, or a glass of white wine or champagne, or something like a Midori and lemonade.
Cutting back lowered my tolerance, and losing weight (25kg) lowered it even further, so it doesn’t take much to get me tipsy these days. I’ve never been drunk to the point where I forget what I’ve done or passed out, and I don’t want to.
My husband and I both took annual leave on Friday and had a long weekend away – he bought a bottle of champagne to have with dinner on Saturday and was so disappointed when I didn’t even finish my glass. I just couldn’t. It was a brand we’d had before and it wasn’t that I didn’t like it, but I just preferred my non-alcoholic iced tea.
Alcohol makes me so sleepy!
My husband works in media and attends a lot of functions where there is a lot of drinking – the culture in his office is just unbelievable, Icouldn’t work there. So his tolerance for alcohol is incredible and I’ve been out with him when he’s had three different cocktails and then a glass or two of red or spirits and still been able to function. It takes a lot to get him drunk.
He knows he’s always got a designated driver in me, though (or a taxi).
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I don’t drink alcohol at all…nil…nitch…none
I wasn’t always like that, growing up on the Goldfields there was a huge alcohol culture and like everyone else I started drinking from a very young age.
I’ve now been a vegetarian for 24 years and in that time I haven’t drank any alcohol at all. Not that being a vegetarian and not drinking are linked, because they are not.
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i buy a bottle of wine. then forget to drink it. then eventually remember. pour a glass. then forget about it. by the time i remember/feel like a glass it has been too long and the wine has probably oxidised. just realised, have had an open bottle of sav in the fridge for about a week now. forgot about it until i read this article..LOL! mmmm. it’s nearly wine o’clock. thanks for reminding me.
then again..i’m not in the mood. another time.
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Hahaha, love reading how many people have said “I don’t drink…. Only when I go out or on social occasions”.. It’s a bit funny
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I really don’t understand drinking. I don’t have anything against anyone who does it, but it is not something I understand.
Waking up with no recollection of the night before scares the hell out of me, yet so many of my uni peers go out for the sole purpose to get plastered. No memory seems to be something to gloat about.
Drunk people are not fun. They are messy, loud, selfish and smell bad. Hangovers are definitely not fun. They hurt. Throwing up from drinking too much hurts. Forcing other people to be responsible for you because you’re too intoxicated to know what you’re doing is incredibly selfish. Don’t even get me started on drink-driving.
I am generally not good drunk, I panic and anxiety sets in. So it’s definitely not for me. I understand of course, that not everyone who drinks is a drunk, and not everyone who drinks will drink to the point of intoxication.
I will occasionally have a glass of wine with dinner with my mum, but only if I really like the taste, and even in that case I’d prefer her to buy me Fronti from coles because I prefer the sweet taste! The calories in alcohol is also something I cannot handle. Not to mention the price!
I know this isn’t really the debate, but I cannot honestly understand why drinking is legal, and marijuana is not. In all regards, marijuana is just so much safer.
But anyway, I’m getting a bit off topic there.
TL;DR: I don’t understand alcohol.
Good luck to everyone doing Febfast, you are better off without it!
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I empathise with all of that! I drink very rarely, and usually only 1 or 2 in one occasion. On the calories front, I always think “I could be eating cheesecake instead…”
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Ha ha I’m the opposite! I don’t have sweets because I’d rather save the calories for a beer after work.
Drunk people are not so fun. Being drunk and hungover, not so great. But being tipsy: brilliant. I’m not saying force yourself to drink, by any means, but when you say you can’t understand it I think maybe that’s because you’re still at Uni and around people who are doing it to get sh*tfaced. It’s not for everyone and if it’s not for you that’s great – you’ll have tonnes of money – but it can be really lovely.
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Drinking and being drunk is pretty different though. I love having a glass or two (or three!) of wine and have a glass with dinner most nights but I rarely get drunk. Don’t get me wrong I used to get drunk, frequently, but now I have a baby I am just too tired. And drunk people are annoying! Drinking copiously is kind of stupid but it does make you forget about all the things bothering you and have fun.
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Of course I understand drinking and being drunk is different. I even said that in my original comment – “not everyone who drinks will drink to the point of intoxication.”
Being tipsy can be fun, sure. But it’s so easy to go from tipsy to drunk without realising. I think maybe I just absorb alcohol way too fast…
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My boyfriend’s rule is only to drink when he is happy. I think it’s a good rule – stops you using alcohol as a coping mechanism. Might help those who are having trouble working out if they have a problem or not?
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I did Fabfast last year, mainly to lose weight which I didn’t. I drink most friday and saturday nights – a few wines at home or if I go out I will binge – maybe 5 or 6 drinks although last Saturday it was a lot more – maybe 10? I don’t do that often though. I also have a wine on a weeknight if I have had a bad or stressful day.
I could easily do Febfast again but I’m not going to. I enjoy drinking in social situations and I love the taste of red wine and good quality beer. Hate spirits though ughh.
Good luck to everyone doing it this year!
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Something I’ve noticed on Twitter, and it’s mostly from women, that they are looking forward to wine o’ clock. Are we guys really so bad, we drive you to drink ?…….
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I blame the children….
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I see that too, mostly among mothers, I have to say.
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I don’t think I would survive without ‘mothers little helper’
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My husband and I don’t drink. Not because we don’t let ourselves but it’s never been a habit and therefor we just don’t have a daily desire. Sure if it’s a special occasion we’ll have fun for the one night but never at home on a regular basis. I can’t remeber the last time I went to a bottle shop. Probably not since university.
The thing is my parents didn’t drink at home either. Mum was allergic and dad would very rarely have a glass of red so alcohol was just never on my radar as a child and I wonder if that has effected my adult habits.
My husband was raised by a struggling single mother who also didn’t drink (she couldn’t afford it) so I wonder how many of the people commenting that they drink too much were raised with alcohol being part of normal daily life as kids.
I’m not judging anyone at all, just making an observation.
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A month off alcohol would barely register for me. A month off sugar, however…
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Oh man, me too! I think it would kill me. Or my husband would.
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I got three weeks without sugar. I was a giant bitch.
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I quit sugar for Lent last year and plan on doing it again this year. That’s about 6.5 weeks. Yep it killed me, but it seems to be the new rage and a ton of people are going sugar-free for good. How, I dunno.
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I stopped drinking because it wasn’t safe with the medications I was on. Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant – it has the opposite action that “anti-depressants” (which are usually a form of stimulant) have. It doesn’t make any sense to be on HUGE doses of anti-depressants (I was on 450mg of Efexor XR daily) and then be counteracting it with alcohol.
There are also other complications when it comes to combining any kinds of psychoactive drugs (yes, alcohol is a psychoactive drug)… Thanks to something called “potentiation” when it comes to the effects of drugs, the sum is greater than the whole. In a nutshell, taking a certain dose of one drug causes a certain amount of effect, and another drug causes another amount of effect. Put the two together, and the effect is greater/stronger than the two separately. (this has to do with the psychoactive molecules binding to the proteins in your blood… Quite complicated.) My uni major was Addiction Studies.
I am not on the anti-depressants any more, but I haven’t gotten back into alcohol. Understanding the mechanisms of how it actually works means it bothers me now. People really have no idea what the dangers of alcohol are, and the most harm is done by what people would consider “reasonable” amounts of alcohol, over a long period of time. The govt stated limits are not “moderation”, they are the MAXIMUM you should drink. Even at those levels, long term continuous use can cause cumulative harm. It is worse for Australian Indigenous people (and some other cultures) who (thanks to genes) have a hard time producing some of the enzymes required to break down acetaldehyde (which is one of the stages of the metabolisation of alcohol), and the acetaldehyde is far more dangerous and deadly than the alcohol itself.
If you can’t go without alcohol for any period of time (whether it’s a day, a week, a month, or years) then you are dependant. Dependence isn’t always a bad thing, as long as you can control it. But once you are dependant, it gets harder and harder to maintain control.
I think any program that encourages you to give up alcohol for a decent period of time is great. It can help you figure out how dependant you are, and whether it IS a problem for you. If you find you have a problem, see your GP who can connect you with help.
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that was very interesting. funny thing though. i buy a bottle of wine. then forget to drink it. then eventually remember. pour a glass. then forget about it. by the time i remember/feel like a glass it has been too long and the wine has probably oxidised. just realised, have had an open bottle of sav in the fridge for about a week now. forgot about it until i read this article..LOL! mmmm. it’s nearly wine o’clock. thanks for reminding me
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i think it is a fantastic idea. thanks Kate, i will be joining you in febfast.
(although last time i took a month off drinking i managed to put on a few kgs, think this time i will need to make sure i replace alcohol with water rather than more snacks…
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When I was in my 20′s and still living at home, Mum and I would have a glass of wine together while we made dinner. Then things got stressful and suddenly we were going through a bottle a night. Then we ran out of wine. My parents were members of a wine club so there had always been excessive amounts in the house, but Mum and I had drunk all the white. That shocked us and we realised what a habit we had developed.
Neither of us have a drinking problem but we just hadn’t noticed the habit we had developed. Running out of wine in a house that always had a stocked cellar brought us to our senses – so we just stopped. For us it was that easy, but I certainly understand that it isn’t the same for everyone.
These days I usually have a glass of wine with Mum and my brother in law on Wednesdays at our family dinner night. I might have another one on the weekend if I go out. If I have to open a bottle for a recipe, I have those vacuum sealers and the bottle can often last me 2-3 weeks. The last time I was drunk was my 30th birthday (quite a few years ago). Wine is now back in its rightful place, an occasional treat.
I really love that single glass of wine on a Wednesday because it is delicious, but even more so because now it is a treat, not just a drink I always have.
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Kate, we sound the same! I try and do a week alcohol free each month. Some weeks are harder than others. But lately, I’m using the heat and school holidays as an excuse, I’ve been drinking a little more daily than I should
Sauvigon blanc icy cold and champagne are my poison. I go through moods, at the moment its wine, but a few weeks ago it was champagne. I wont touch chardonnay, beer, spirits, breezers, cocktails or anything sweet, yuk!
Now the kids are back at school I’ll start my week free – next week!
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Yay – good on you Kate!!
I also signed up for Febfast yesterday. I did it in 2011 and I loved it!! Mainly because it is great to be able to say ‘No, I’m doing Febfast’ when someone offered me a drink – and not have to feel the pressure of someone saying ‘what you’re not drinking?? why on earth not?? what is wrong with you???’
I am becoming more and more uncomfortable with Australia’s growing culture of alcohol reliance, and I want to see change!!! Also, I felt so much healthier being off the grog. I just had to replace my “cooking wine” (ie the wine you drink when you are getting dinner ready”) with a lime and soda and after a couple of days I was free of the habit – yay!!
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I had a friend when I was at uni whose parents were big drinkers and would always be offering wine at their place. They would fill up your glass without asking and the drunkest I’ve been in my life was a direct result of me not paying attention while they multiply refilled my champagne cocktail! In the end I always drove to their house because not drinking and driving was the one thing they would respect. They are great people, but the alcohol aspect of their lives was very difficult.
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I have had to stop drinking alcohol as I’m not allowed to while taking antidepressants. I’m amazed at how many occasions there are to imbibe. I’m also amazed at the looks I get when I say no thanks to a glass of wine! It has shown me how much a part of our lives revolve around having a drink.
It makes me think that if you feel you “need” a glass of wine each night to relax, then maybe that is the beginning of being an alcoholic? I’m not being judgmental as (a) I used to enjoy the occasional beer or glass of wine, and (b) I used to be married to an alcoholic.
Anyhow, I think staying dry for a month is a great idea and good luck to all those participating.
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My husband and I are currently doing our own personal 6 week non-drinking challenge…we are 2.5 weeks in and doing fine. In fact I find it quite liberating not “having” to drink, I felt the same way when I was pregnant. I have always been a big binge drinker, rarely drink during the week but come the weekend I can easily put away a bottle of champagne and more in a sitting. My husband says this is the longest he had gone without a drink since he was a teenager. We are both enjoying the extra $$, time and weight loss! What’s the point of obsessing about my diet and exercise regime (as I tend to do) when I sabotage it come Fri night?
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My body whispers ‘wine time’ at 4.30pm but I try and hold out until 5pm – that’s just how disciplined I am. I am also trying febfast this year. I have done it before and find that it really helps. I feel better for it, save money and lose a bit weight. It also, what I like to think of as, resets my clocks (or should I say ‘tanks’). Because I am not drinking for the whole month, my tolerance for alcohol is lowered and I find that I drink less even once February is finished.
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I agree – I couldn’t believe how intolerant i was for alcohol after i finished febfast in 2011!!
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I gave up alcohol last October. I had been to a hen’s night, and drank so much that I put myself in a dangerous situation, wandering the city, by myself. I’m thankful that I eventually came across an empty taxi which got me home safely. I then must’ve had alcohol poisoning, because I was up every hour on the hour vomiting. It was then that I realised that I can’t control myself when I’m drinking, I get horrible hangovers, and I can have fun without it, so I gave it up altogether and haven’t looked back (yes! Even over Christmas!)
I’m currently living with my in-laws, while I wait for my new house to become vacant, and while living there, I’m realising more and more each day that my father-in-law has a problem with alcohol. He binge drinks 2-3 times a week, forces other people in the house to drink with him so he’s not drinking by himself, and if no one will, he will just drink by himself anyway. He will run out of whatever he’s drinking, and then raid the house obsessively to find something else – one time, half a bottle of my partner’s 18 year old special occasion single malt scotch. He reckons he doesn’t have a problem because he isn’t the picture of an alcoholic, he doesn’t get angry, he gets depressed instead, and he does it at home, not the pub. When he drinks, he likes to talk to people, will call up anyone on the phone and go on about rambling topics that don’t make sense for hours. He uses alcohol as a treat (ie: he drank to excess on Friday night, but didn’t drink on Saturday night, so he said he needed to reward himself by drinking to excess again on Sunday night).
I don’t know how to help him, and I’m starting to think that no one can help him, until he’s willing to admit he has a problem.
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I think most progress will happen if/when he wants to change his drinking habits but there are still things you can do to lessen his risks. Look at other health and lifestyle factors that could be exacerbating the drinking eg depression, boredom, loneliness, dissatisfaction with work, financial or relationship stress. People are often more accepting of help in these areas, which can impact on the drinking. If he wants to buy alcohol once he’s started drinking, offer to go and buy it for him. Modelling alternative behaviour can help – other treats, talking about good things you’ve noticed in you not drinking eg more money. Talk about the health risks if they come up in conversation, if he is saving up for something eg holiday, challenge him figure out how much he spends on alcohol and to reduce his drinking for that goal. Buy or encourage him to drink drinks with lower alcohol content. For some people the most direct blunt approach is best, but this may be received better from your husband/mother in law. Work out how many standard drinks he’s had. Encourage him if he decides to drink less rather than not at all (for many loved ones this isn’t seen as good enough, which makes it even harder if depressed). It sounds like he is already using some ‘harm reduction’ strategies in trying to get others to drink with him, which although it probably doesn’t sound very good, is a positive step. Perhaps have a look for harm reduction/minimisation strategies and motivational interviewing on the net, because these ideas are coming from someone who doesn’t know you or him. Remember it probably took a while for him to get to this point, so it’ll probably take a while to change. Hope this helps. Good luck!
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Hmm. You’re father-in-law sounds like an older version of my husband. He used to be alot worse, leaving the house when he ran out of alcohol to go buy some more (drive) or he would catch a cab into the city and go out to party all night. Mostly getting home around 8 or 9 in the morning. It happens once a year now instead of once every 3 days but he does still binge drink and talk on the phone to anyone who will pick up his calls until all hours. It is a very touchy subject with us and the biggest contributor to our marriage problems. It sucks but it is the life I chose….
I should add that my father was an abusive alcoholic and as a result I rarely drink. If I do it us usually a glass of red here and there but I hate getting drunk so it’s more about the taste for me. I’m pregnant at the moment so I’ve had non-alcoholic wine and I have enjoyed having that – especially over Christmas when everyone says ‘oh one won’t hurt the baby’. Honestly, I don’t care, just let me drink my fake wine!!! Lol
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I realised the same, that my DH and I were drinking around a bottle of wine between us every single night. Something nice to have with dinner. A treat. Every night. And afterwards I would be slightly too sloshed to do much other than watch TV. Every night.
So even just from the point of view of calories, I decided at the beginning of the year that it’s just too much. But I’m not cutting it out completely, because times when I’ve tried that it’s been a bit too anti-social.
So now I’ve decided to only drink on weekends. Nothing during the week. ANd it’s working a treat, from a weightloss point of view, I’ve already lost a couple of kgs, and my DH is in on it too and starting to lose weight as well.
Everything in moderation!
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This is the go. Been doing this for decades now. Drinking with dinner on the Friday and Saturday is less tiring than drinking everyday and doesn’t ruin your looks the way more frequent drinking does, but you still get to enjoy wine or beer or whatever your tipple is.
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If your not drinking is ‘anti social’, perhaps you are hanging out with the wrong crowd
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Oh yes of course I must be, silly me. I’ll just go and find some new friends then. In this town of 5000 people it’ll be a sinch finding a group of like-minded pals who are teetotalers.
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I did feb fast last year. I saved a fortune and lost 5kg. Win!
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Well done anon!
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I’ve just ended a six year relationship with someone I love – because of his drinking.
He never went a day without booze, he would start sometimes at 10am, he would drink anything…ANYTHING…(except metho but I wouldn’t put it past him). He would spend his last five cents on grog and starve instead of buy food.
The final straw was me coming home from shopping and finding he’d spent the $50 he’d just earned cleaning gutters on a bottle of Jim Beam. He drank the lot and then hooked into red wine.
I couldn’t take it any more so the next day I threw him out and told him to come back when he’d spent six months in rehab.
This has been going on for years – I’ve asked his family for help but they handballed the issue straight back to me and said he was ‘all mine to sort out’ they’d had enough.
Well…so have I. I haven’t seen him for two weeks and I don’t care. I feel liberated.
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Congratulations on standing up for yourself
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That must be so tough. Good luck with it x
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When I was at uni I drank to get drunk at least twice a week, more if I could afford it – no idea how much I drank in one sitting and it didn’t occur to me to keep tabs, or that I had alcohol abuse. I think it was a case of ignorance about the health risks and it was accepted, if not expected behaviour amongst my friends and family. I enjoyed feeling more social and being part of the conversations the next day about how much fun was had, how drunk we were etc. Always managed to make excuses for the times I regretted – it was never my fault after all.
Then I met my now husband who, at 27 has never had any alcohol. He challenged me about why I drank. I realised I didn’t have a good reason for drinking (it was fun – like I couldn’t have fun without it???) and gave up. That was 9 years ago.
The times I struggled were the first few months and I’m sure it was easier for me, having my husband there with me, also not drinking. One friend asked me “why? How are you going to have fun now?” At parties, some tried to get me to drink – “there’s nothing wrong with it” and there were a few times when I thought it would be nice to have a drink to help me feel more sociable. Now people know I don’t drink and it is not an issue.
The hardest part about having given up alcohol now is listening to how little people know about the health consequences of drinking, even in moderation and seeing my mum, (who has depression, worsened by her daily bottle of wine consumption) struggle to give up.
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Kate your what you do/don’t drink reminded me of my fav quote from Lilly Bollinger.
Champagne….
“I drink it when I’m happy and when I’m sad.
Sometimes I drink it when I’m alone.
When I have company I consider it obligatory.
I trifle with it if I’m not hungry and I drink it when I am.
Otherwise I never touch it, unless I’m thirsty.
I wanted to give up for 6 weeks… but I have just tried to cut back as I have just started dating someone and well I am so scared and uptight when I date that sadly I need it to take the edge off
But with friends and definitely when i am home alone – NO, I am being strong with that one.
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I made the decision recently to not drink anymore. I had a lot at our office’s Christmas drinks, and had some sort of adverse reaction to it that never happened before, my body really didn’t like it.
And every time I’ve drunk since then (even just like one beer) something similar happens again. At least the beer seems to be the common theme each time, it’s all I can peg it to.
So no more. I like beer but certainly don’t miss the empty calories. Or having to take my turn to buy the slab in a house of guys who all drink about four times as much as I ever did.
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Im really worried about my housemate. he drinks every night – a lot. i often make semi jokes disguised as real concern because i’m not his mother and can’t control him!
he often comes into my bedroom and says that because he didn’t drink the night before he’s having extra tonight.
the worse thing is he drinks all night alone in his room.
i’m actually really worried about him. i think he doesn’t realise how bad it is.
he’s always encouraging me to drink with him, but i don’t, because i just dont need a glass of wine to unwind after a tough day!
i drink socially – if i’m at a party or the pub. this is maybe 3-4 month, if that. saying that, if i’m at a party i’ll drink to excess. i know this is bad but alcohol is expensive and my motto is if i’m goign to do it ill do it properly! otherwise i’ll have a glass of coke with dinner as there’s no point cracking open a bottle of wine for one or two glasses and wasting it.
any advice on how to help my housemate?!
someone below suggest substituting the word ”beer” for ”pot” etc and i think i might try that.
as someone else said, people are under delusions about how bad it is, and pot/speed sounds worse than beer!
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My advise is get rid of him. If you can – i know it is easier said than done!
It is not good – I know exactly what you are going through having been through it with 2 housemates. I can’t do it any more and was probably a bit brutal with the second one but my health and sanity is more important!
You can’t change him – so the only way is to get him out of your house.
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Drinking alone is very bad. And every day is really bad too. If he is using it as a crutch, he needs to develop some better coping methods, asap.
I’d try to bring it up with him somehow. Maybe you could get a bunch of people to do Febfast and encourage him to join?
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I am very aware of when and how much I/we drink. I never want it to become a ‘must-have’, and over the Christmas season we pretty much drank every day. Probably never more than two glasses, maybe three on Christmas Day, but still. We had a week or two off, and I missed it, but it was no big deal. There is something about a warm summer’s night and pouring a glass of chilled sav blanc – my drink of choice too, Kate!
At the moment we probably go through a bottle and a half max per week (for the two of us) and I don’t think that is excessive? Maybe four drinks per week? I rarely have more than a glass at a time.
Great idea, though. It is always good to take stock of habits. (Please don’t bring up coffee…)
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I did Feb Fast for two years. And Dry July. Each time I failed, because each time I couldn’t go without alcohol.
So last year (Feb funnily enough) I finally had a really bad experieince with drinking – it was completely out of control.
I was drinking every day – even if it was just one, two, three – during the day or after work – to ease stress, get together with my friends etc.
Long story short.
I ended up in a program. For 6 months. Then I relapsed in August 2011 and have been drinking every second day from then on.
Occassionally only “1 or 2″ glasses of cold sav blancs but more likely four in an hour – at a minimum.
This lasted, and got progressively worse, until Jan 3rd 2012 and my partner and I sat down and talked about ‘issues’ in the relationship – from my point of view.
From his – he felt trapped – because of my drinking.
Ding Dong.
Oooops.
This little alcoholic has been back to a program last Tuesday (7 days ago) – it had taken me 3 odd weeks, but I have now been sober for six days.
Yep do the math people.
I drank after my first program meeting in over 5 months. I thought I could buy a bottle of sav blanc (my fav) and just have one glass ….. it turned into 1 1/2 bottles within 3 hours.
So. Yep. I am an alcholic and cannot drink.
Hope this helps someone – not everyone is an alcoholic, but if you are wondering if you are? Then you probably are – in my limited experience.
And there is help in all sorts of ways – what works for one person may not work for others.
isabelladurante.wordpress.com/about/
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Your very brave to share this Isabella.
You sound a bit like my husband. Im struggling desperately to get him to get some help.
Best of luck with your program.
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AlAnon might be able to help you littlemisschloe. They are a support group for partners/family of alcoholics.
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I will have one drink if I go out for dinner, or to a party of some sort, same with my husband. When the doctor asks how much do you drink and I say I don’t, I always have to follow with the explanation “both my parents were alcoholics” before I feel that the doctor believes me.
Like anon said previously, I think too many people are in denial about their alcohol use. My favorites are the “collectors”. It is still booze even if you do know the exact vineyard in which the grapes were grown and you bought it at the cellar door!
I would like to mention, how much your kids will appreciate you if you cut down the drinking.
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I’m counting down until my next rendezvous with bottle of red, or anything really for that matter, but since I’m pregnant I’ll just go sit quietly in the corner….
It’s a very long 9 months + & I miss the mental release a few glasses of wine brings, and social situations, particularly the summer variety, can easily turn into long, boring dragged out affairs when you’re the only sober one.
However – it’s cetainly an eye opener about how reliant I can be on alcohol & also the strain it adds to the budget, plus I certainly don’t miss the hangover – must remember to lock in a babysitter for the next morning when I do get the chance to have a big one again!
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I rarely, rarely, rarely drink, and when I do I don’t get drunk (on purpose…). My boyfriend would drink between 4 and 7 beers a night after a few days he cant believe he’s gone through a case and I’m like “really? REALLY? you think I drank some??”. To prove to me that he could stop when he wanted he didnt drink for a week. I don’t believe he’s an alcoholic I just think it’s so normal for him (as a tradie/shift worker).
A month off for me? I do it anyway. A month on? now that would be different!
the boyfriend on the other hand… maybe we should swap lives for the month!
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We like people for whom febfast would be a challenge…it’s not meant to be too easy! He sounds like the perfect candidate. How do we win him over?
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Baked goods or lingerie generally does the job haha!
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I find this amazing. An ex colleague of mine has been doing this for years. February was his dry month of choice. When I asked why he said he chose to do it to give his body a break, and February was the shortest month.
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Gold.