By REBECCA SPARROW
“Take someone you trust, your mother, your sister, your best friend. Someone who’s had children, who knows that place. If they have healthcare experience, all the better. But trust matters more than this.”
That bit of sublime wisdom isn’t from me. It’s from novelist and author of the brilliant non-fiction book Birth Wars, Mary-Rose Maccoll on who she believes you should choose to have in the delivery room with you when you give birth.
“When researching Birth Wars I spoke to so many women who were so frightened and alone in labour despite their partners being there beside them – birth is a big deal for partners too so it’s a big ask for them to look after a birthing woman as well – and having someone who really cares about you and focuses only on that seems to make a difference … But for me, with my experience of a first baby and my fears, I really needed a woman who’d given birth beside me, and one I could trust with my life.”
(Thank God for Mary-Rose because my advice about giving birth would’ve been more along the lines of, ‘You will suddenly find yourself falling in love with your anaesthetist’ quickly followed by ‘Don’t be afraid to order two desserts off the menu for dinner. They’ll totally give them to you.’)
Regardless of whether your babies were delivered through the sun roof (technical term) or out of your hoo-ha (technical term), it doesn’t matter. It’s still a time, a moment, when the whole world stops and life is changed through the arrival of a new little being.
And here’s the bit where I casually segue into two celebrity birth stories from this week. The first was Kate Hudson’s. In a very candid interview with Ellen this week, she went into (a lot) of detail about the birth of her son Bing and the antics of her mother Goldie, who was in the delivery room for his arrival.
She described it like “a Woody Allen film”. Take a look:
Hop on over to iVillage.com.au for 5 other things you didn’t know about Kate Hudson’s birth.
In other news, there’s the photos of Kourtney Kardashian’s birth. The graphic photos of Kourtney Kardashian’s birth. While her family looked on, the 33-year-old actually reached down and pulled her baby Penelope out with her own hands.
You can see all the photos at iVillage.com.au. And here’s the video:
Who would you or did you have in the delivery room with you when you gave birth?
Comments
65 Comments so far
for my first, just my hubby. I know my mum is desperate to attend my next birth but I just think she’d drive me nuts…pushing my husband out of the way because she is the expert on everything, it wouldn’t even surprise me if she pushed my doctor out of the way to take over!!!
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For my child’s birth, we were living interstate without support. My mum had planned to fly in to be there for me and my new best friend was going to be minding my daughter.
But mum was diagnosed with breast cancer and she had to stay home and have treatment and my best friend who was also heavily pregnant, went into labour on the same day – she was two weeks early and I was one week late!
So, it ended up being me, my husband, the medical staff and our 3 year old daughter, because we were interstate with no-one to mind her.
I had guilt for years about my daughter her being in the labour ward. I thought she may have been traumatised but thankfully all she remembers is the nice nurses and the ice-cream!
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I had my mum & older sister with me. Between them they were 11 times delivery room veterans- they were fabulous. My sister was a fantastic advocate, and knew how I felt about things before hand, my mum was great emotional support, I had a “back’ labour so they took turns with heat packs on my spine and chating between contractions.
These days, I would probably choose my husband (he’s good in an emergency) and my sister(s) or best friend to come in.
I have had the priviledge of being present as a support person for the 4 births (my first when I was 16, amd my sister went into early labour!) and they are absolutely amazing experinces- i feel so proud that these lovely ladies trusted me enough to be present at their most vulnerable.
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First bub came in 3 hours, according to the obs and midwives I’ll be lucky if there’s anyone there for this one
Honestly, I’ll be happy if the neighbours are around.
Reminds me, must show the 4yo where the towels are and how to dial 000.
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I had 3 caesars and policy says only one support person allowed in the OT.
For my last baby I really wanted my step mum to be there too. She raised me from a young age after my mother died and never had her own children. Her mother had died a few months earlier and I thought it would be special for her to see a life begin after seeing one end.
The hospital gave me special permission for my husband and step mum to be there. I will never forget the expression on her face and the tears streaming down her cheeks when my baby was born. She still says it was one of the most profound experiences of her life and I hear her whispering stories to my little girl about the day she was born.
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Each of my children I had their dad in the room with me. My eldest child I also had a gf who had a 6 month old at the time. It was funny, I hadn’t actually asked her to be there, she just turned up when I told her I was in labour. She turned out to be a big help – hubby was such a dropkick he went out for a smoke as I was crowning…
My two youngest are with hubby #2. He wasn’t much help either. Couldn’t be anywhere near the business end, so at best hugged my shoulders like a massive nanna…
I was however blessed to be asked to help a gf birth 4 months ago. Her partner had bailed at 22 weeks and she was too embarrassed I found out later to go to ante natal classes on her own. She felt she’d have liked a birth centre birth but was already booked into a labour ward. The midwives were fantastic and they accommodated us so well as she had as active a labour as we could have. She and I each had a tilted uterus as it turns out so I understood her back pain, kept up the head pads and rocked with her against me for hours. One funny moment after she had the epidural she realises that she had spent much of her labour with her full bodyweight on me and she apologised, then says ‘Good thing you are a bit of a tank!’
I think we were both lucky to have come into each others lives when we did – I only met her during her pregnancy – but we have a bond like few other.
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I would have my partner and my mum/sister and that’s it. It would freak me out to have everyone there asking questions and instructing me!
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I just want my partner to be in there with me. Mother and father can be there if they really want to but I dont want them in my room while im giving birth. They can wait patiently in the halls and drink bad coffee
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I was in the room for when my sister gave birth to her first child and having never given birth myself, wasn’t quite sure what to expect. And so I turned to watching endless episodes of ‘one born every minute’ – surely that’s the same thing?!
When the day came, my brother in law and I worked as a team, heating up heat packs, massaging, wetting flannels and being each other’s support as much as my sister’s. But there were things a sister (and a woman) just knows that a bloke just can’t grasp, like the way you need your back rubbed or how our mum comforted us when we were little, and that I think was really the benefit of having someone else in the room. Plus I could do all those things like leaving the room to call family or usher them away from the hospital, so all my bro-in-law had to do was be with my sister.
It turned out to be one of the most incredible experiences of my life, I have a beautiful healthy nephew who I have a very special bond with and when it comes time for me to give birth to my (hypothetical) babies, I have no doubt my sister will be there.
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When in labour, before heading off to hospital, my husband remembers me “talking in tounges”- what I really was doing was asking him for a bucket but just couldn’t get the words out! I was so angry he couldn’t work out exactly what I wanted (until it was too late!!) Poor guy!
At the hospital had a terrible midwife, until the shift changed and I had the most marvellous midwife that really changed my experience. The Ob was there too (once things really got going).
My Mum was desperate to come along and sit in the hallway and wait for my husband to run out and announce “its a boy!” like they do in the movies, but she probably would have kept “popping in’ to the delivery suite to check how things are going which would have driven me insane so I asked her to come as soon as he was born, no earlier.
For my nephews birth Mum and my Dad set up a picnic in the waiting room (complete with sandwiches, soft drinks etc) and waited the full 12+ hours for my Sister in Law to give birth. My poor brother felt compelled to come and give them updates every half an hour and checking they were OK instead of focusing on his wife, so I didn’t want that happening to us!!
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I had my partner with me for our first; he was not much help to me but loved the experience. The second time he was working away, so I had my girlfriend on stayby, turns out bub waited for Dad, but I convinced my girlfriend to come in anyway. She got there for the active labour and was awesome, she talked to me and was trying so hard to help that I loved her all the more for it! My partner was still very quiet and pretty out of his depth, though he wouldn’t admit that!
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Had hubby and Mum.
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My husband, who did a wonderful job trying to make me comfortable and giving me reassurance.
I asked my mother to be there, but she said no.
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I had my husband, the obstetrician, two midwives, two neonatologists/paediatricians and a neonatal nurse. While it’s lovely some people are making a family picnic of a birth, it shouldn’t detract from the seriousness of the event and the fact that trained experts need to do their jobs without tripping over your friend or relative.
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My husband an my best friend have been there with all four of our children, luckily she is like a sister to my husband so they get on great! She is also a mother to teenagers so been there an done that!
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For my first I didn’t want anyone but my husband with me. I didn’t want to share the experience with anyone else not knowing what would happen.
This time I’ve invited a trainee doula along. She’s my daughter’s nanny and has become a friend, so when she finished her training and needed clients to ‘practice’ on I said she would be more than welcome. It’ll probably be more for her benefit than mine as I’m planning on this birth being as easy as my first (!), but we’re both quite excited.
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I haven’t had children, and just looked at the Kourney birth photos. THE BABY IS SO BIG. HOW DOES IT GET OUT OF HER VAGINA?? Oh god, as if I wasn’t scared enough of birth already. Seriously, why hasn’t nature/god/medicine come up with a less painful way???
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For my first baby I had my partner, mother and sister.
Baby #2, my husband and mother – big bro at school.
Baby #3, only me and my husband. MIL was looking after the middle one.
Wish my mother was at the last one, but the grandies were taking turns.
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I am only a few weeks away from having my first. I’ll have my husband (that was touch and go, because he can get distracted!) and a doula. I am so thrilled I chose to have a doula – she has been supportive when I have needed it & is a lovely, calm person (and had 3 children of her own). My mum would be hysterical.
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first round i had my hubby and Mum and midwife! and then recently when i had my bubby, my hubby, and two midwives! my mum was on the way but i was standing and she bungy jumped out and the midwife and i had to literally catch her! So glad it was so quick cos my mum was going to sit with me with my 4 year old for a few hours! first birth was 30 hours this one was 1hr 19 minutes, and I didnt want my 4 yr old there for the end bit he is way to innocent ans sensitive! they arrived 1 minute after she was born and waited to come in until things were cleaned up so my little man wasnt scared! it was so lovely for him to see his sister and give her a cuddles!
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Looking back, I’ve pretty much had most of my family in the labour room with me as well as a close friend and I’m glad my husband had someone else there each time. I had fairly straightforward births and recently my husband admitted that while he was glad he was there for them, they were traumatic to him.
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First baby – I had a friend and the midwiife with me. My brother was in the room next door speaking to hubby who was sitting in a car park 1200km away, waiting for morning for the next flight. Bub arrived only 15 minutes after arriving at the hospital.
Second baby – had hubby and whole bunch of different medical staff in and out in the 2.5 hours of labour (there was a shift change).
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Good Lord.
Is there NOTHING these people wont put on TV for public consumption.
IT IS THE BIRTH OF YOUR CHILD
keep it private sweatheart
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Heaps of mothers have been putting their births up online i.e. youtube for a long time.. It’s only because this family is famous that we’re all looking at it. If Kourtney wants to do it this way, so be it!
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I had my husband, my mother and my mother in law. I wanted my MIL because she is a former maternity nurse and I really wanted an advocate in the room, and someone who understood the local system and language (gave birth in the Netherlands). Turns out she was only good as a photographer (which was great). She was a wealth of ‘helpful’ advice and if I could have stood up I would have punched her.
My mother was the best person to have with me. She just knew what to do and what I needed. We don’t always get along, but I’ll never forget her amazing support on that day.
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I had my sister and my husband there for my first. My husband was a great support but I couldn’t have done it without my beautiful sister. She was amazing. The midwife was useless.
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I’m going to have my mum and my husband…oh, and the next-door-neighbour. if it turns out to he’s the dad it would be a shame if he missed it.
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I had my husband and a Doula there. Both were fantastic. I had gotten to know our Doula Vicki in the couple of months preceeding Hamish’s birth and she was wise and gentle and supportive. She knew when to help and when to stand back and let me and my husband get on with it. As for my husband, I was nervous before hand, wondering how he would cope with it all. But he was amazing and I honestly couldn’t have done it without him. I just remember looking at him and crying that I couldn’t do it, and he was crying too and saying “yes you can, you are doing it!”. I think the people that you surround yourself with need to be educated and prepared for what might/could happen. In the end, our Doula could step back because Jamie had got educated and could be my advocate and felt more confidence because Vicki was there. They could also tag team, so Jamie could have a sleep or Vicki could have a sleep, so they were both able to really be there for me. Jamie had always sworn that he would stay away from the “business end” but he stepped up and my foot as I pushed against him and Hamish was pulled out and he said it was an amazing experience. After it was all over, I think I was more in love with him than ever before. What an incredible experience. Nervous about going through it all again, but with Jamie there, I know that I can do it.
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Well I didn’t invite a film crew.
just my hubby. My sister and I are very close and i might have thought about it the second time around but she was having a baby 1km away – born 45 mins apart
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I had planned on only my husband and medical staff to be present, with strict instructions that the family was NOT to be told I was in labour. The last thing I wanted was my in-laws sitting outside listening to me scream and swear for hours!! I went into to hospital to be induced (keeping that a secret) but was told my baby was breech and was taken for a c-section half an hour later. Hubby only just made it into the operating theatre as I was about to be cut open, he’d thought he could fit in a full day of work while I waited for the induction to take effect. Lucky he got a fast cab driver that day!!
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I havent been in the situation yet, but I would definitely want my husband there (even though he is hopeless with blood and stuff).
I’d love my sisters there too, but given we all live in opposite parts of the country, I doubt that would happen.
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First, just my ex who was helpful but fell asleep exhausted, midwife very rarely, she’d come in, check monitors, dilation etc and leave. There was also a woman next door screaming at the top of her lungs and swearing in Italian for ages! 2nd (at home) with my sister, best friend, midwife and my ex who was wonderful, felt involved etc. Plus a sleepy 22mth old son who we woke after his sister was born at 5.30 am. I’d asked Mum to be there so she’d feel involved and less nervous etc but she was overseas. Made a difference to have all that support plus so much quieter!
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Well sitting here at 33 weeks pregnant with my 3rd child and doubting whether my husb will make it back in time – i’m pondering exactly this question. I have AMAZING sisters who have offered to stand in, which i’m grateful for as we’re really close – but do we want to be THAT close?. I’m saving mum to look after my other 2 (plus she’d drive me insane with her worrying in the delivery room). I also have some beautiful friends who have offered, but it just doesnt feel right. So if I’m husband-less I’m feeling very tempted to just rely on my midwife & then osbt at the vital moments. I have LOADS of people who say I’m crazy – but my bubs tend to arrive in the fast and furious mode – so the less people/fuss the better. Then as soon as bub’s here they can all come in – the more the merrier!
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Maybe ask your sisters to be in the hallway? You might want someone on hand with a camera to document things for your husband. If your sisters are nearby you can change your mind quickly too!
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Good thinking
last time the midwife also took pics of Husb & I with bub so I better remember to throw a camera at her too xx
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I had my partner and somehow my MIL made it in (I dont remember saying yes to that but she was there) anyway after 12 hours of labour she didnt get so see the birth cause I was whisked away for an emergency Caeser
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Husband (who was useless but did get through a whole novel), and paediatrician sister, who was fabulous. The midwife even got her to break my waters. That was perhaps a bit closer than we’d ever been before (you know how they do that, don’t you?), but by that stage I was past caring.
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I had my partner and my best friend. My partner did an absolutely wonderful job at getting me through my 24 hour labour. My best friend was there to photograph, he made himself practically invisible got some amazing photos.
I refused to allow my mother to be there. She tends to have a tantrum when the focus isn’t on her and I didn’t really want to be entertaining someone while in labour.
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I had just my husband both times. But as he was away working around the time I was due for my first, Mum was my back-up. Looking back, I am glad I had my husband present, even if he was as useless as a chocolate teapot at times. Shower too hot, shower too cold, “no DON’T rub my back there its all wrong. Oh just bugger off and get me some ice”. He got to share with me such an amazing moment in our lives and that was more important to me than whether he whinged about cold legs from the shower spray (oh yes he did!).
I don’t think there is anyone else in my life who I could have been so comfortable with in a rather delicate, undignified at times, position.
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I so remember that from my first baby – husband just couldn’t quite get it right. Rubbing my back in the wrong spot, don’t squeeze my hand. Can’t you tell that that look meant I want water. And that one means get that straw away from me. Can’t you just bloody well read my mind right now – it would make life much easier!
Wouldn’t have done it with anyone else!
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I only had my husband with me ( plus hospital staff but they pretty uch let us be until they were needed) & thats all I would want again. I’m one of those people who cant stand people fussing about them, asking 20 questions or trying to give me directions when I’m pushing a melon out my “hoo-ha”. I get a little cranky & start yelling.
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It’s easy to write the Kardashians off, but I think (through my years of extensive research watching KUWTK) that they are a wonderful model of a functioning, close family who work things out together. And I think that Kourtney’s births have both been really sweet, calm and inspirational. I watched the episode where she goes to see a water birth when she is considering it (and I fell more in love with her when she said “the health of my baby is the most important thing, and I don’t want to risk that by having a home birth”).
I have been in the waiting room and been the first to burst through the door at the birth of one of my best girlfriend’s baby and I will forever remember that day.
However, I think that for my own children’s birth, I’ll stick with just my partner, with my parents and friends waiting outside. Although I have friends who are studying to be midwives/OB’s and I’d love to have one of them be a part of my experience.
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I don’t have kids and I’m not pregnant, but can I still play?
I’d like to think I’d have my partner and my mum.
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I had my husband and my mum (who both get along beautifully) in with me.
It was an amazing bonding experience for us all.
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Had my partner, mother, sister, best friend and 2 midwives… My support team at both my births couldn’t do it without them… Females are so important!
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For me I would only want my partner. I think my mum would drive me crazy!!
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I had three babies, three caesars – straightforward and elective. Just my husband was there along with the medical peeps. If for some reason he couldn’t have been there I would have been quite comfortable on my own. I’m crazy-close to my mum and sisters and I’d have had them waiting outside in case anything went badly and to share the hours afterwards. I expect I’d be different if I’d had vaginal deliveries, but I didn’t so I don’t know.
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My mum wanted to be there but I wouldnt let her. I felt it was a private time between my husband and me. And of course as many medically trained people as possible
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I agree, for me I wanted it to be our experience, I always thought I would want my mum but I’m glad I didn’t have another person there to have to think about…
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I had my husband, my sister, my mum and my mother-in-law. My father-in-law was also in there for the lead up but stepped out for the business end of proceedings.
It was great – lots of support, lots of excited people all wanting to meet our newest addition and plenty of people to dote on my little girl when she finally arrived.
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Could not agree more about having someone you trust who has given birth before in the delivery room with you. HIRE A PRIVATE MIDWIFE OR DOULA, PEOPLE. Sorry, I can’t shout that enough. Just having your partner for support in almost never enough. They haven’t done this, either. It’s the equivalent of taking a driving test with someone who’s never driven in the backseat giving you directions. Having a known person with you in labour who has some idea about birth leads to shorter labours, fewer interventions, less pain relief requested and lower rates of caesareans and instrumental births. Not only does the woman feel better supported, but so does the man.
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Hear hear! I agree. An alternative (we found it achieved all of the above and banished fear) is to do the Calmbirth weekend course together as a couple.
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Agree! I just had a baby with only my husband present (and midwives ofcourse!). We’d done the calmbirth classes and he was wonderful support.
I’m so glad the experience was between us only. I’m very close to my mum and sister but I felt this was something I wanted to share with only my husband.
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why are the photos of kourtney ‘graphic’?
I find them beautiful, she is participating in the birth of her own child… what could be more precious?
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Hi Bec
It’s more a warning to some people who are at work or who find the footage a bit, er, uncomfortable.
In the Mamamia office, half of us loved the footage and some of the younger staff were a bit stunned!
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Far out really? I think the younger staff should watch a few episodes of RPA. Those surgeries are much more graphic than this one!?
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LOL!
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Oh bec i am laughing too xxxxxxx
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Me too Bec I am giggling so much I nearly wet myself.. Lol
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Oh bec so funny … I dont even know why I am laughing xxxx
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Oh bec… we have the same humour, I am giggling out loud too. ha!
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Ha ha Bec, that is the funniest thing ever….. xxxxxxxx
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Why am I am laughing ???????? Oh Bec…..
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Oh Bec, oh bec , oh bec………xxxxxxx
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She did exactly the same for the birth of her first child… major difference is I guess now the whole world can watch her childbirth experiences, I suppose!
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