Who am I kidding? Some years, I get my Christmas on in November.
My Christmas boxes are dragged out of the shed and before you can sing “Good King What’s-His-Face Looked Out, On The Feast of Stephen …” I’ve got Barbra Streisand’s Christmas album playing, I’m hanging a wreath on the front door, the tree is groaning under the weight of 3 gazillion ornaments and I’m trying to make people drink eggnog.
So what this tells you is that I’m slightly insane but also, you know, totally into the Christmas spirit.
So you can imagine I was none too thrilled to read a tongue-in-cheek post last week on The Gloss called “Christmas is F*cking Sexist”. Hold the phone. WHAT?
That’s right. Apparently, Christmas is a patriarchal construct. (Just hang on a second while I Google “patriarchal construct ..”)
They’ve made a list of reasons that Christmas is a total boy’s club and guess what, they’re all wrong:
1. Santa Claus
They said: How is Santa Claus still a thing? It’s shocking that everyone ignores the fact that we’ve allowed — no, trained, our little girls to sit on an old fat dude’s lap and whisper their wish lists in his ear.
I say: Can we stop with the gender wars? Guess what? Men are actually allowed to do some jobs. And last time I checked, Santa didn’t engage in gender bias when it came to toy distribution and that’s what really counts. So there.
2. Mrs Claus
They said: Is Santa’s first name Kris or Nick? Either way, he and his homeboy Rudolph run Christmas while Mrs. Claus has to sit home and, I don’t know, warm milk on the stove or clean the soot out of a pile of red suits. She doesn’t even have a first name
I say: She has a first name alright. She’s just not telling you. Mrs Claus is smart, she’s got better things to be doing than answering letters. This way, any mail that arrives addresses to “Mrs Claus” can be forwarded to her mother-in-law, so that she can focus on her Spanish lessons.
3. Sexy Mrs Claus costumes
They said: Unfortunately, the sexy Mrs. Claus update doesn’t do much to further the cause.
I say: Two words: slut shaming.
They said: Every child wants to wake up Christmas morning to a stack of presents under the tree. Unfortunately, most little ladies find a pink bounty of girly goods.
I say: I’m not sure what type of house you grew up in but last year my daughter asked for toy dinosaurs and a bike. Oh look! It’s 2012!
5. Mariah Carey