by NATALIA JASTRZAB
Dear 16 year old Me,
Take a look at this video – just released by the 16 year old Aussie X-Factor runner-up, Christina Parie.
And know this: Christina Parie is not cool.
You might think it’s cool at first. Christina is fond of eyeliner (just like you) and is rocking a pair of pink pants that you dig (but wouldn’t ever be brave enough to pull off). The song is kinda catchy and she seems to be having a great time, mucking around with her friends in her room at the beginning of the clip.
But stay tuned, because it goes downhill rapidly from there. After blowing off her parents, Christina and her friends trash an ice cream parlour, attack a girl walking along the street, throw water balloons at pedestrians, graffiti some buildings and finish off the afternoon by stealing some poor old man’s wallet.
It’s stealing, vandalism AND harassment. All of which – last time I checked – is illegal. But it’s okay because they are UNSTOPPABLE REBELS and this is how to have FUN. Right??? Wrong.
I’m sorry. I am not going spend this letter lecturing you on morals and how you SHOULDN’T EVER STEAL because then you can’t be a lawyer OR EVEN VISIT AMERICA (because – fun fact – a criminal record means you can’t get a visa!).
But I want you to listen carefully because I know what the next few years will hold.
You’re going to see more music videos and movies that will make you feel like this is how teenagers are supposed to act.
You will be bombarded with images that scream, “Look! This is cool and this is what you should be like!”
But you’re not like that. You’re a bit of a goody-two-shoes (don’t even bother denying it) and you are going to stay that way for the rest of your teen years. You won’t ever touch a cigarette. You won’t drink and you won’t sneak out of the house after dark and you won’t mix with the wrong crowd and you won’t shoplift or do anything that could potentially get you in trouble, because you hate getting in trouble.
You’re going to feel like a bit of a loser. You will feel that way because you ask people what they did on the weekend and they will tell you stories about how they got drunk at a park and nearly got busted by the police.
You’re going to feel like you don’t fit in because you go to a deserted lot behind your friend’s place to hang out and she chain-smokes and you never even ask to try one.
You’re going to get called a wuss because all the other girls go to Priceline after school to steal lipsticks and nail-polishes and to you, that sort of outing is the stuff nightmares are made of.
And you’re going to wonder if maybe there is something wrong with you because when you watch music videos like the one above – where the teenagers look like they’re having THE MOST FUN EVER while doing stuff that is not only illegal but cruel and obnoxious – and you don’t want to do that stuff.
But let me tell you this – you don’t need to and you don’t have to. Because none of this is what life is about and none of this is what you want to be.
You are intelligent, you are polite and you are respectful. You treat others how they want to be treated. You take care of yourself and you take care of your friends. You need to remember these things because they are great things.
They may not be the things you see in the music video, but they’re the things that matter.
And you need to know that you will still have fun. Trust me on this one.
You will go to your friend’s house and gorge yourself on raw cookie dough while dressing up and taking ridiculous photos. You will have huge picnics at the beach with everyone you know and go swimming even though it is freezing.
You will fall in love – young love! – with a beautiful boy and walk home with him every day. You will read incredible books and meet incredible people. You will sit under the fairy lights in your backyard on balmy summer evenings and drink apple juice and listen to the The Beatles and feel more content than you ever thought possible.
Please don’t get complacent, because you are far from perfect. Over the years, you will still screw up big time, and hurt people’s feelings and be a complete twat-head to your parents.
But when you are older, you will never once look back and say, “I wish I was more of a dickhead to that person” or “I wish I broke the law more often”.
You will say, “I wish I loved harder. I wish I laughed more. I wish I was nicer to that person. And I wish I spent far more time worrying about my own life rather than what other people were doing. Especially in ridiculous music videos.”
All my love,
Grown Up Natalia
xxxx
What would you say to your 16 year old self?








Comments
101 Comments so far
OK darling, if you think that Christina’s music video is a bad influence go check some of these videos: “22″ by Taylor Swift – so now, being 22 is abou dancing like crazy and going to parties (where you can get drunk), act like a selfish and too proud person? Where’s that girl on “Mean”? – “Your Body” by Christina Aguilera – this music video influence sex and killing for fun – “You and I” and others by Lady Gaga- almost all her videos is about sex,or anything too explicit – “Toxic” by Britney Spears – she’s almost naked! – some videos by The Pretty reckless are a BIG DRUG INFLUENCE because Taylor Momsen appears smoking and there’s many others. With ALL these and more you criticize Christina’s Video?
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You obviously don’t pay much attention to music these days. This song promotes very little bad things, in fact the video is just a video, if you feel influenced to do something because of a 3 minute music video you may need some serious help.
This is probably the best song to hit the radio in ages, real lyrics, REAL INSTRUMENTS, and it isn’t trashy like other songs. They’re either Taylor Swift slut shaming or about having sex in a club whilst getting drunk, or even blowing Flo-Ridas ‘whistle’. This song is probably the most appropriate thing your kids have heard in ages.
Christina wouldn’t have had a lot of choice in the video, being signed to a record they would’ve made a majority of the decisions, especially because it was her first video, they would’ve wanted something that’d appeal to a young audience. This video is quite a lot like one of Avril Lavigne’s older videos, which didn’t receive such a bad critique like this. The video was directed, by a director, not Christina.
Being a teen myself, I know that I have never been persuaded to do something because of a music video, or movie or tv shows, they are all acting. If anything I’d feel more persuaded to do something because my friends do, it is called peer pressure.
I really feel like you have written a whole lot about stuff you don’t know too much about.
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Dear Kate.
The next 9 years will be amazing. But really tough. You will make way too many mistakes. You will pick the wrong friends, your heart will break and you will be surprised how much it hurts. You will be treated like crap by your bosses. And you will rack up a massive HECS debt.
But you will also love fiercely. You will fall in the most indescribable love. You will stop fighting with your parents and you will have some truly amazing friendships. You eventually will decide what you want to do for a career (no, I wont spoil the surprise). You will see more of the world.
It will be tough and you won’t have it worked out by 25. You will also never stop eating carbs or lose 10kgs. Sorry about that.
All my love,
Slightly older, much wiser Kate.
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Dear 16 year old Amy,
When you hit 23, you will be almost at the end of a law degree, but hating it, and will make the best decision of your as then very short life – to drop law. Go with the whole law thing until then though. You will learn so much about yourself and what you are capable of. But never lose sight of your true loves – reading, writing, creativity.
At some point, your heart will be broken. This is ok. And completely normal. You are not a failure because a silly boy broke up with you. Learning to be by yourself will make you a fuller person.
Your family will continue to be your foundation. Love them in the same way as you always have, but also appreciate and respect what they have done for you.
Know that it will all work out for you, because you continue to be the hard-working, but fun loving girl with miles of integrity. This will get you far – it hasn’t gotten you as far as you’d hoped by 23, but know that having faith in yourself and your abilities is crucial, and you are still optimistic and ambitious at 23, despite life’s rough patches.
Take calculated risks. Sometimes these pay off.
Stop eating dairy. You are actually lactose intolerant.
Love,
23 year old Amy.
PS. Nat – can we please be friends? 16 year old Amy and 16 year old Nat sound very similar and I am sure the current Amy and Nat incarnations would get along!
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Amy I will definitely be your friend!! You should email me or something
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Dear Nat,
You’re awesome.
I just want to give you a big hug.
Not-sure-I-ever-grew-up Anthony
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Dear Emi’s Sixteen-Year-Old-Self.
You’re going places but you’re still not happy. You’re focussing on life but you’re whisked away within your thoughts. You keep hurting people because you don’t want to hurt them, and it’s causing you to emotionally self-destruct.
Do you want the good news or the bad news first? Okay, I’ll give you the bad news. At eighteen you’re STILL a doormat. You’re STILL indecisive and you KNOW it. It’s crippling you and you need to make a decision. NOW. You can’t let emotional blackmail sway you. You can’t live two lives forever. You’re also still insecure and dreading tomorrow as you think there’s a monster lurking behind every door, waiting to catch you and maim you, even when it’s impossible that it would even happen with the amount of support (quiet support, but still present support) that you have.
Now for the good news. Your work has somehow paid off and now you’re at Uni, studying to be a teacher. You also want to experiment and play music and there are promising connections in store waiting to help you learn your craft. There also might be a couple of unexpected friendships in the offing. Also, you now have the sense to ignore what society seems to be “beautiful” as everyone has their own look. This is where your main problem lies. You have some fantastic options for a possible partner but you can’t decide. Don’t tie yourself down now. Meet people and form friendships.
And ignore what the media says about popstars — you have your own voice. After all, if Christina Parie can get a record deal, then surely you can too!
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Its a music video… just like a book, movie, song… its a fictional world
I think people take it WAY too literally
Unstoppable – can’t be stopped – breaking the rules
People shouldn’t look too far into it!
Just cause spiderman got bitten by a spider and jumps around new york kicking ass, does not mean that he is encouraging people to get bitten by spiders and jump around new york kicking ass
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I agree Natalia, this is not something my 16 year old self would find cool. or fun. Being obnoxious is not something to aspire to. Stealing from old people, trashing shops, attacking people. These are not things people do for fun. They do them to be cruel & vicious & to put others down. Not character traits of people destined for great things (in my opinion). Also, I don’t think it is possible to compare this to Spiderman, yes it is a cartoon, but doesn’t he spend all his time using his super powers to save people from from creeps like this?
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Dear 16 year old me..
Put those scissors down, it is never ok to cut your own fringe.
Tell your mother you love her more.
And watch more cartoons. The ones they have in 10 years are going to be lame.
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(singing)
’16 and pregnant’
’16 and in juvenile detention’
’16 and total knobhead bullies’
Horrendous song, horrendous film clip, giving all normal, mostly good teenagers a bad name.
If you assaulted someone with silly string, stole lollies and wallets or spray painted walls, you’d be in SERIOUS trouble with the cops.
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Some of the 16 and pregnant girls are incredibly admirable. The few that are awful are really awful. Its clear they were chosen for the show for the drama (Jenelle, Amber, Danielle). Lay off them, they dont need more criticism.
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The things I’ve learnt in the 5 years since being 16 is that there will ALWAYS be girls who stay as their 16 year old self. And as time passes and you grow up and over and they stay the same you feel incredibly proud of what you have achieved (and more what you WILL achieve) while they stay stagnant thinking that they’re still cool. Fact.
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This embodies everything that’s wrong with society.
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What moron at what record label decided this was a good idea?
I see an ice-cream store franchise, who becomes the victim of copycat behaviour, suing the record label in the near future.
You can’t blame the 16 year old, unless of course the players behind the scenes are all 16 too? Or perhaps just have the common sense of a 16 year old.
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Oh and if Christina knew what the true definition of “listening to punk rock” entailed she’d be running off crying to her Mummy….she wouldn’t have the first clue what punk rock was if it came up and said hi :/
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My parents wouldn’t have let me out the door wearing that much slap on my face! That video is appalling. Even though at 16 I may have snuck out of my bedroom window to see my boyfriend down the road (so rebellious!), I never stole, assaulted or vandalised anything. These things do not make you cool – they make you a douchebag with no consideration or respect.
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First point I’d like to make…this video is trash and not even worth commenting on. What is worth commenting on however, is your lovely letter to your 16 year old self Natalia! Give or take a couple of experiences and thoughts, you pretty much described me at 16 years old
Yes, I was not one of the so called “cool kids” however I had plenty of good, decent friends and a loving family (still do!). I also had the self conviction to say no to challenges to shoplift or smoke and drink at the back of the oval at school by people I know were just trying to get me into trouble..they probably thought I was a wuss too but hey I’m the one with a clear conscience all these years later and able to honestly answer the questions my daughter is already starting to ask. Natalia thank you for your well written article and I’m betting you would be a very nice person to know as you would have been back when you were 16
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Thank you
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Nat, the best thing to come out of that music video is this post. THANK YOU! It’s my new favourite piece on Mamamia
As for what I’d tell my 16 year old self:
Don’t be in a rush to grow up. You have time. It’s okay to make mistakes and change your mind – that’s part of life. Oh, and please don’t worry so much about what other people think of you!
Lots of love, (Slightly) Older Amy
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Thanks so much, Amy
I think I need to write a letter to my current self and tell her a few things you mentioned in your comment!
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Don’t worry, I still have to tell my current self those things as well!
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“I’m sorry. I am not going spend this letter lecturing you on morals and how you SHOULDN’T EVER STEAL because then you can’t be a lawyer OR EVEN VISIT AMERICA (because – fun fact – a criminal record means you can’t get a visa!).”
So, you’re saying that you have to STEAL something to go to the U.S? Um…that is what the above statement is saying….you can’t even visit America if you don’t steal
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The comment you quoted states that those who steal will get a criminal record and thus will be eligible for VISA entry to the USA.
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If you take out the contractions (which can be confusing if you are dealing with double negatives) it reads: “you should not ever steal because then you can not be a lawyer or even visit America”.
The way I interpret that sentence is: “if you steal you can’t be a lawyer or even visit America”, which is backed up by the comment in parentheses: “a criminal record means you can’t get a visa”.
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Yes! That’s what I meant. (Thank you for explaining my confusing self, Amy!)
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This song is so boring and middle of the road. Without the faux-rebellion nobody would even care about it (it’s not even bad enough to be good).
And I was a boring 16 year old too Nat – seems like there are a lot of us out there!
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16 and still ground-able…
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Or arrestable!
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Loved this piece
I really want my daughter to know that most people are actually more like Natalia than like the video clip. And that those people seem to end up being more happy once high school is over and life as it will be begins. I don’t want her to feel like what she offers is less entertaining, less striking, just less. It’s so much more.
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Dear 16-year-old Camilla,
Stop taking Diane-35, because when you are 24 your hormones won’t know what the fuck to do and your face will resemble the surface of the moon.
Cheers.
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Wow the song blows
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My husband’s family and I were just talking about poor Thomas Kelly and I was saying how fearful I am for my future children and the situations they will be exposed to. And awful film clips like that just compound this lack of decency that seems to be more and more acceptable.
But I read an article like this and all I can hope is that I raise kids as lovely and sensible as you Nat. You are an absolute sweetheart
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Thank you Girl
xx
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This. “You will read incredible books and meet incredible people. You will sit under the fairy lights in your backyard on balmy summer evenings and drink apple juice and listen to the The Beatles and feel more content than you ever thought possible.” Beautiful. Made my stomach sort of lurch and tears spring to my eyes. Thank you Nat, I too will print this or have a go at writing something similar for my 5 year old daughter.
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Thank you Penny! You should write something for your daughter and then come back and post it here. I would love to read it
xx
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I loved it earlier this year when there was a #dearsixteenyearoldme hashtag floating around the Twittersphere. I wrote to my (much younger) self here: http://diabetogenic.wordpress.com/2012/04/11/dear-16-year-old-me/
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Dear 16 year old me,
It has only been five years, but I tell you what, there is a HUGE difference between 16 and 21. My advice: spend no time worrying about the girls who are currently making your life miserable. You will find that in the next year or two you will find wonderful friends who are nice people and appreciate you for who you are. By the time you are 21, you will start to realise your tolerance for bullshit is pretty much non-existant.
Also, do not be afraid to ask for help or slow down when you need to. You have a tendancy to push yourself, but I have found it hurts more than helps.
Go with your gut instincts, they haven’t let you down so far.
Most importantly, go with the flow and try to live in the moment!!
Love, your 21 year old self
PS: Do not press play when you read this article. Go do your readings for 2 mins that you have been putting off. That video is 2 minutes I will never get back
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oops, that was me
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great article. great comments. just great.
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Wow!!! Who convinced that girl to make that video clip? she may be 16 but their would have been a lot of older people working on that too.
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Videos are directed by directors, you won’t believe how little say she had in the video.
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Dear 16 year old me. Dont sweat the small stuff.
You’ll one day look back and see that boy was a loser.
And not going to that party on Saturday night, well you won’t ever remember. It’s not the end of the world.
But most of all, you’ve done good kid so just enjoy. One day you’ll give anything to be 16 again
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I went to school (independent, Catholic, all-girls; I know, right?) with Christina. She dropped out this year. ‘Nuff said.
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that video is, like, totes not kewl
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Neither is your attitude….
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I think the attitudes that this video promotes are more of a concern than my comment!
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Hear! Hear S! I obviously heartily agree with your previous comment.
Singing with a strong American accent when you are not American. Extremely totes not kewl. Totes cringingly daggy.
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this music video just pisses me off
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I’m seventeen and I spent my sixteenth year babysitting, having endless library study dates and going on food adventures.
I had kind of regretted not pursuing a more stereotypical sweet sixteen year, but seeing how ridiculous the characters in this video appeared, I’m not too sure if I mind anymore.
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I find that video more offensive than the carefree add that uses anatomically correct terminology. My letter to my 16 year old self would be virtually the same as the one above except I would add that you should study and study hard because one day you will regret that you didn’t have the foresight. You will also regret that you didn’t believe in yourself enough to do what you should have done…and by then it will be too late.xx
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Ok so, dear 16 y old me: yes, you’re right, dirty and half decomposed man- jeans, greasy hair and weird piled up lace “shirts” are cool. You’ll see teen age girls , in 2012, wearing pink and make up by the kilogram, and think “what? why?” and then, hearing them sing about how rebellious they are, you’ll understand that the poor things don’t even have access to rebellion. All their music is streaming 24/7 on MTV and youtube, everytime they like something because it’s different, it gets marketed and resold to them with a pink ribbon on top, any rebellious idea gets bought and sold and destroyed through repetition making it mainstream. You’ll realise you were so lucky to live before the internet era, and before adults became aware of how rebellion works so they could nip it in the bud by making it uncool and pink and selling it to 12 y olds. At least we were free to rebel properly. We got lucky.
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I don’t blame teenagers for being completely out of touch with reality, I believe there truly is such a thing as teenage hormonal psychosis, a bit like the premenstrual psychosis some women with a hormonal imbalance may experience. Except more widespread. I don’t think (unsure) it has been researched yet, but if a scientist with lab access and possible funding is reading this, there’s a nobel price in there somewhere for you. I’m positive the sudden crazy influx of hormones on a young unprepared brain can cause all kinds of erratic thought patterns and reactions, until acclimatization sets in.
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Dear me,
Mum is right about everything. Just listen to her.
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I know right??
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Dear 16 year old me…Madonna is full of shit it’s not cool to be pregnant at 16, the amount of drugs available doesn’t make it ok to take, and that funny turn you had after consuming harmless weed via a bucket where you could hear banging on the washing machine and then found yourself on the floor…well that was a siezure and your lucky they didn’t become permanent …you also very lucky to have escaped psychosis ……dear 16 year old you yes your high school treats a group of you like dirt and blame you for everything when it’s not always your fault it’s old socio economics and when your 23 and start to see the light of day you will study this as part of your degree, but all this will be made harder for you because of your choices at 16.
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Not only a terrible video, it’s a shocking song as well!
Goodbye, Christina!
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Dear 16 year-old me,
You. Are. Not. Fat. You are the epitome of curvy and there is nothing wrong with that! Don’t let the bullies tell you otherwise and DON’T START EATING LIKE THE FAT B*TCH THEY TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE.
*sigh* I wish I could go back and tell 12, 16, even 18 year old me that I wasn’t fat. I wish I thought I was as slim then as I now know I was.
Love the “fair bit larger than curvy” 25 yo me.
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Dear 16 yr old me
I LOVE you. You are enough. You are loved. Keep going sweetheart . I will see you when you are 34. Stay strong xoxo
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This is my favourite “Nat” article yet. So very lovely. I want to shout all of this from the rooftops for every 16 year old girl to hear.
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I can’t believe this is an actual SONG….
And it’s funny because it seems to me like the problem with a lot of teenagers is that they DO think they are unstoppable. What’s worse is that this song will probably be listened to an enjoyed by the under 16s. It’s disgusting and irresponsible.
Anyhoo, dear 16 year old me…
Know that in a couple of years, school will be over, you will have a great job, a loving partner and a lovely house and that every issue you believe to be important will no longer faze you!
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Nat, if I ever have a daughter and she grows up to be like you, that’d be pretty a-okay.
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xxxxx
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Was thinking the same, although my daughter is five. I’m going to print this letter and put it in her scrapbook. I was a lot like Nat and just hope that in eleven years time my daughter is the girl in Nat’s letter.
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Sally, I wanted to cry when I read your comment. That is so sweet. Thank you. xx
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Whats the difference from my gen with twisted sister its only a music video which is just a glorified movie n it would have been adults behind the scenes outlining what the girls will be doing ….. So they threw water balloons off balconys it was done back in my old days n even older food throwing hmmm that’s not new either they were not seen with any alcohol or cigarettes …… My verdict this video is harmless ……
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Uuummmmm the mocking snorting of powder in the ice cream parlor would be ? ??? How we all sugar or tea maybe?
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How about attacking the girl carrying her puppy in the street? That made me feel a bit sick…
Actually reminds me of the movie ‘Thirteen.’
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Me too… Especially that it was the boys who surrounded the girl to begin with. Very intimidating.
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I’d tell myself not to worry about finding the “perfect career” while still in high school. It works itself out in the end!
I’d also tell myself that the video clip above is the reason that people think all teenagers are graffiti-ing, fare evading theives who exist only to give everyone else hell. What an awful example!
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Dear 16 year old me,
You live in the 90s, and I know you think is there is some really really shithouse music around. In know that if you hear Barbie Girl one more time you might become suicidal – oh the drama – but you’ll secretly appreciate Aqua one day in a nostalgic sense, and trust me, it gets so much worse.Here’s a message from 2012 – some of it is gonna make your ears bleed. A lovely writer on a website called Mamamia will post a video by a contestant from a talent show called Christina Parie, and it will make you want to stab your eardrums with a hot poker rod. Just don’t. click. play. Spare yourself the pain!
There is so much great music around these days too. You saw Ash Grunwald play live recently and you nearly wet your pants when you got your ticker for Mumford and Sons this October. You still think music is life in 2012 and think the fact that you can’t sing is the biggest injustice of the world. But don’t worry, you became an early childhood teacher and now you can sing out of tune and dance all day and get paid for it… what more could you ask for?
Keep listening to real music – Silverchair are still cool in 2012. And The Beatles and Led Zeppelin and The Doors will ALWAYS be cool. Forever.
Love,
Grown-Up-Big-Kid-Singin-In-The-Shower-You
X
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Thank you Lucindainthesky. I feel the same way about not being able to sing. My life would be approximately 14 times better if I could just belt out some Beatles in tune for once.
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Wow, no wonder this latest generation is going down hill. Look at what their “idols” are promoting!
Dear 16yr old Me,
Keep the good friends you do have. You did the right thing turning down that smoke and not drinking when your “other” friends pressured you to.
Though you need to study harder, and not be so hard on the parents. Be better friends with your little brother. He isn’t as gross as you think he is. He will need your support one day soon.
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Great article. I too feel like a loser even in my 20s for not having drunken stories. I like the idea of gorging cookie dough. Nat, I wished we lived in the same state so we could be friends
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Where do you live Caroline? I do spend a bit of time in various states (long distance relationship!)
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Melbourne
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I stopped watching halfway through such was my disgust! Thank good ness I have a boy…Appalling message to send to young women! I was a bit of a goody two shoes and I still had fun, but I was never nasty to anyone. I’m with you Natalia
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