Same name? Not okay.
Think of it as baby name etiquette. When it comes to choosing a name for your child (or future child), what are the rules?
You like the name Josh, but that’s the name your greengrocer gave his third. You’ve always been partial to Sarah, but that’s the name of your best friend’s sister. And your neighbour’s dog.
Pippa’s always been top of your list, but last week at dinner, you overheard another friend saying she’s already had the letters P-I-P-P-A stitched into a quilt for safe keeping.
It’s awkward. It’s uncomfortable. And it’s the kind of first world problem that could make or break a friendship.
And so it should probably come as no surprise that expectant mums are “bags-ing” their chosen baby names in a defensive move to stop other mums from stealing ‘their’ name.
This week The Herald Sun reported:
IT was once top secret, but expectant mums are increasingly revealing the name they have chosen for their unborn child to deter friends from choosing the same one.
Social researcher Mark Mccrindle said women were becoming more protective when it came to baby names and taking measures such as including the preferred moniker on invitations and checking if there was a Twitter account in that name.
‘‘Parents are putting more effort into ensuring their baby’s uniqueness and that their baby is the only one within a circle of friends with that name,’’ the Sydney researcher said.
But it’s not just expectant parents who are claiming names faster than medicare rebates. There’s a whole team of one-day-when-I-have-a-baby name thieves out there, claiming the names they’ve picked out for the children they might have one day.
So is this okay? Can people call dibs on a name and expect no one to touch it? And close do you have to be to that person to have an obligation to respect that claim?
I’m not sure, but just for the record…. I’m calling dibs on Lola.
Do you think it’s okay for parents to reserve a baby name? And what’s the etiquette around naming your baby (or future baby) if someone you already know has the same name – or their kid does? Have you ‘reserved’ a name yet?
Comments
327 Comments so far
You cannot bags a baby name. I will call any of my future babies by whatever name suits them. I don’t care if any of my friends have children with the same name. Similarly I don’t care if any of my friends call their future babies the same name as mine. I personally wouldn’t name my children the same as an immediate family member but that would only include current children not future children. If any of my friends had a problem with this then they wouldn’t be very good friends.
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Years ago, when I was young and dinosaurs walked the earth, my parents were friendly with a young couple who were expecting their third child. It wasn’t until visiting them after the little girl was born that it dawned on us all that they had named all their children, Tom, Sally and Jessie, the same names as we had used in our family…for the cat, dog and duck!
I’m pretty sure my parents weren’t offended not to be asked permission first *grin*.
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My name was stolen – twice! When my Dad’s best friend and wife were pregnant the name discussion came up and my mum said that she’d always wanted to call a daughter Nina. 2 months later their little girl was born and was named Nina.
A year and a half down the line and both mum and the woman were pregnant. Mum (thinking it couldn’t possibly happen again) mentioned that she’d decided on Lindsay for a girl. The woman went into labour first. She called her daughter Lindsay. Mum was livid and went ahead and named me as planned.
It was for the best, really. I’m so not a Nina.
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oooh, as someone who is due in 7 weeks, I look forward to reading these comments when I get home!
My two cents – I have been in social situations where acquaintances (not friends) have publically announced the names of future children. I feel these are now off limits, which is really very irritating. These children might never be born. We are not so distantly associated that I could get away with using the name. (as you can tell, one in particular I am shattered about). Meh.
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Pre-announcing the name of a child who isn’t even conceived is a bit silly, isn’t it. I reckon the name should only be off limits if the kid is on the way or already born, but again, what if it’s a really common and traditional name like Josh or Tom or Jane. Bagsing a name like that is kinda stupid, because people probably aren’t ‘stealing’ it from their friend but using it because it’s a family name or they want something traditional and unremarkable.
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I’m 17 and I already have reserved names for my kids! But I’m not sure whether it’s better to let everyone know or just keep it to myself…
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My thought is if no one knows you have reserved these names, how can you expect people to know they are reserved?
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Because if I tell someone then they might tell someone else and then people might find out and copy it
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Like most girls at that age, I had a few favourite “future baby” names when I was a teenager, however I never told anyone. Turns out, it’s a good thing for two reasons:
a) my tastes have changed (as have the trends) and I’d never think of naming my child any of them anymore
b) I wasn’t in a long-term relationship and had no idea who the father of my children would be. Even if I were, the likelihood of marrying the guy you’re dating at 17 is very slim. Your names might sound lovely with your surname, but there’s no guarantee that they won’t sound completely ridiculous with your future partner’s!
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You’re right, but I am so in love with these names! If the father’s name doesn’t really go they can use my surname, maybe. I don’t really mind what the last name is honestly!
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I bet in 10 years time you will have changed your mind, also won’t your partner get a say in what you name the child?
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I avoided a favourite name of mine which was traditional yet uncommon because Iknew someone who had used that name and didn’t want them to think that I had copied them. Not so many years later we lost touch and I still regret I didn’t use the name. What is particularly galling is that there are lots of girls with this name these days anyway!
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I don’t have children but like all women I have day dreamed about possible names if someday I did.
For boys names I have always loved quite simple, classic names. My favourite though is the incredibly common Jack – but the reason I love it is because it is my mother’s maiden name. So half of my family is the Jack family. I think it would be a lovely way to kind of carry on that family name.
The only thing is my beautiful cousin had her third son a year ago and named him Jack after our grandfather.
Is it still okay for me to use it if I have a baby boy? I think it is but not sure if I’d be stepping on toes.
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I think when it comes to family names, they should always all be on the table. My cousin and I are a year apart and both have our grandmother’s middle name as our middle name. I don’t think ‘first in, first dibs’ can go for names, especially when you want to use it to honor someone. If you decide to use it, it might go down beautifully if you call her and explain why want to use it.
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I don’t think my cousin would mind – I just wouldn’t want to put her in an awkward position if I can help it!
The reason why I want to use the name Jack is because my grandparents on that side of the family are they only ones I ever had. My father’s parents died when he was young.
After my grandfather passed I also got incredibly close to my grandmother, because they had moved to be with us while he was ill. I wouldn’t mind naming a baby girl after my Grandmother but Isobelle is just so common now…still might though because I really love the names.
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I agree with Freya, Chachi, family names are always on the table. So what if little Jack’s second cousin is also named Jack! It pays great respect to your family and no one has to like it except you and your partner. Besides, I LOVED meeting other Gemmas when I was a child!
Having said that, seeing the way some women get about baby names (insane jealousy comes to mind), it might be best to mention to her that you are also considering the name Jack, for your grandparents. She doesn’t have to like it, but at least you’ve told her.
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I really don’t understand how people can pick names before they even meet the child who will be stuck with that name FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIFE?!
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I think most people do that. None of mine particularly looked like a “?”. We called them the names we liked. It makes no difference unless you are not planning on naming your baby until they are old enough to have an opinion!
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I know what you mean – my parents had a name planned for my younger sister but she was born with the most amazing red hair and suddenly the name didn’t suit her. Eventually they named her Ruby and it’s beyond perfect.
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Ruby! What a beautiful name. Hope your parents dont mind but I’ve just found a name for my daughter if I ever have one :p
Surprised I’ve never thought of it before actually, it’s my favorite Kaiser Chiefs song
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Meh. It’s pretty subjective what you see in a name and then in a baby (only a few days old!) anyway.
Kids just become their names … I don’t think that there’s a single magical name waiting to come to you in a moment of divine inspiration … baby ain’t gonna tell you … may as well use the name you like!
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Well, for one thing, babies can change quite dramatically in the first few days/weeks/months of their lives! My sons were both born with very dark hair, and are now both fair-haired. The rest of their features have changed quite a bit too. I also like to have names chosen in advance as you can be so hormonal during late pregnancy and in the sleep-deprived days after birth that your judgement isn’t necessarily the best! I think it’s a good idea to at least have two or three strong contenders ready before you meet your baby.
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When I was eight, my parent’s friends had a baby girl. They called them and very sweetly asked if it was okay if they called her Freya (because it was a beautiful name and I was a lovely child). This was back in the early nineties when Freya was still a ridiculously unusual name, so they had only heard of it because of me. I remember being so excited, and at get-together’s she was always called Little-Freya, because I had the name first.
I don’t think you’re under any obligation to check with someone about using “their” name, but it’s a really sweet gesture for both the parents and the child.
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Just wanted to say that I’ve always loved the name Freya!
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I went to high school in the late 80s with a Freya and Fleur! Always loved Freya, Fleur was a brand of tampons at the time!!
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It sure is a lovely name and as you can see I called my 2nd daugher Freya after Freya Stark.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freya_Stark
It was still very uncommon in 2001 but is certainly becoming more popular now.
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Having lots of fun with this at the moment and have learnt the value of keeping your mouth shut this year when it comes to names
There are 9 babies born/due this year in my circle including 3 in my immediate family so names have been a big topic of conversation.
Some of us found out the sex which solved a few problems but prior to that, there were a few spats where one particular mummy to be was happily ‘stealing’ names left right and centre because her bub would be born first as she told us and then we could use it and copy her if we wanted.
I have just kept my mouth shut with our choices and am still doing so until bub is born, only sharing names I like but have no intention of using when conversation comes up.
My sister claimed two names years ago with me and I would never dream of using those despite loving them – a few people have said ‘just use them, too bad for her’ but I could never do that knowing how much she and her husband want them.
Definitely a touchy subject
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When we announced that we were having our first baby my sister in law promptly emailed a word document which listed all of her favourite names (about 10 for each gender!) presumably to let us know she chose them first.
We didn’t even open the document, just deleted it and wrote back that we weren’t interested in talking about names and it would be a suprise until the day our baby was born.
Personally I couldn’t care less if people like the same names as me and I was really offended to think there were about 20 names that were meant to be ‘off limits’ for me! I now have 3 boys so 6 names…. am wishing we hadn’t deleted the list cause I am curious as to whether we ‘stole’ any of hers!
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People are so weird. I can’t believe someone would actually have the thought to do something like that and then after having the thought, actually do it!
It’s like my boyfriend’s aunt, who upon finding out my boyfriend’s brother was engaged, promptly emailed him a list of dates that her family had plans for already, so they wouldn’t plan their wedding for those dates! I told him to make sure he made the wedding one of those dates…
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My sister’s name is Ellise (yes, two L’s, my Dad named her after something car related, not the Lotus Elise however) but we always called her Ellie. She had a very good friend in primary school who’s name was Ellie and her mother had a real issue with us calling our sister Ellie and not Ellise. To the point where, she would actually demand her name to be changed on things, such as her lunchbox or clothes label. My Mum just laughed in her face. How stupid is that!
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There was a name discussion between two acquaintances recently at my daughter’s school.
One mum has been deliberating for months on a name for their daughter (Mum A), the other had her baby first and just happened to settle on the same name although quite independently (Mum B) – the name is Ivy.
Mum A who hadn’t yet given birth was a little bit disappointed but was fully prepared to choose a different name, but Mum B, who had already given birth, insisted that if she like the name Ivy too she should name her baby that as well when she was born. Mum B wasn’t at all put out by another bub being named the same name as hers. I thought that was lovely and generous.
No one owns a name, but a little bit of communication goes a long way in these situations!
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I have a friend who told me when she was pregnant that if she had a baby boy, she was planning to give him the same name as my 7 month old son, as it was the only boy’s name her partner loved. I didn’t mind at all, and was actually flattered that she was thinking of using the same name, as she has great taste, but I also thought it was polite of her to let me know in advance, as if she’d just gone ahead and given her child the same name, I probably would have thought she’d just copied me! As it turned out, she had a girl, so it wasn’t an issue.
It’s strange – while it wouldn’t bother me if a friend used one of my children’s names themselves, I get very anxious that a friend will use one of ‘my’ yet-to-be-used baby names before me! I think the main reason I worry is that I would hate for them to turn around and tell me they wouldn’t like me using the same name, or to think that I’d just copied them, when I’ve had my future children’s names in my head for years and years!!
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It is hard naming a child… Personally, any stories about naming hit raw nerves within my little circle, so I won’t tell them… Suffice to say, people hope to start their child’s life off with a good name that is relatively unique among their peers/friends/family/associates for the obvious reason that there are (what is it?) 6 billion odd people on earth. I know my wife and I did.
If you wanted to name your child a relatively unique name, you could take a leaf out of “Bold and Beautiful” and name your kid using common nouns! Or things you love! Or… a cartoon character!
How about a company? Can you name a child a trademarked name? Didn’t Gwenyth? Will Apple sue Apple when she comes of age?
Or how about after an animal? say… Bear? Oh that is taken already…
Oh now I am just getting silly…
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Its ok to like names but to call dibs on them – what about your partners…do they not get a say in this when you have your heart set on a name before your with them?
I have a child and TTC #2 but haven’t called dibs on anything, I’ll name my child whatever my hubby and I decide – I don’t care what anyone else already has.
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My dads brothers wife asked is she could use my sisters name for their fourth daughter. My sister was my parents first child and she was only about 6 weeks old at the time. So basically cousins with the same first name and same surname. My mum (who is not one to keep her thoughts private) refused outright. They didnt use the name but the damage was done.
That was 43 years ago and they have had a very strained relationship since.
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Yes, I understand this. A close cousin decided to use our son’s name (he was 6 at the time) as a first name. Not same surname but as it is fairly unusual – and so it is a bit weird hearing it. The thing that I don’t understand is that they don’t even call him by his first name! Why do something like that? Beyond this I have come to terms with it – there is nothing to do now – the boys will just grow up and probably not give it any thought – we will tell them its a family name!
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My cousin and sister have the same name – first and sur. It’s confusing when tagging people on facebook, but apart from that – meh.
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13 years ago I was 3 months pregnant and friend was 6 months. We were discussing names and I said hubby and I both liked Mikayla, but were yet to decide. Three months later she had a girl and called her Mikayla. Can’t tell you how pissed off I was. We named our daughter Sam even though I hated it. Regret it now as we never see those people anymore and I really love that name. Looking back, we should have just called her that, but it felt awkward at the time.
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Sam is a much better name than Mikayla, IMHO!
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Joke’s on her, seeing she spelt Michaela wrong!
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I love Michaela’s comment; I thought exactly the same thing as I read Mikayla – nothing like the beautiful name Michaela.
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I’d never try to ‘bags’ a name. I had 4 gorgeous names all picked out from about the age of 17 (2 boys and 2 girls). My husband hated all of them. I hated all of his names. We discussed others (before I was pregnant), came to a decision, fell pregnant and then I decided I hated them too!
Imagine if I’d ‘bagsed’ them all. Ridiculous.
About the only time I think it should even be up for discussion is if you are planning on using a family name and you have siblings. My sister and I both decided that whoever had a girl first could use “Mae”. Then my husband hated it. My gorgeous niece however, totally rocks it!
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Did you know that ‘Lola’ means grandmother in Tagalog (Filipino)? It’s a really cute name, though.
Personally, I’m a bit annoyed by the growing popularity of the name Lux, from ‘The Virgin Suicides’. I think it’s lovely, and if I ever name a daughter of mine Lux, I hope it doesn’t become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
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My god yes! Especially when people say “Ive picked Lux because I loved the movie” all I can think is “seriously? did you watch the same movie as me?”
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I don’t know – it’s also a book, and maybe the parents are hoping their daughter will appreciate good literature rather than be that character…
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My sister named her daughter the exact same name that my cousin had named her 2nd daughter only about a year before… Not only the first name but the second name too!! My sister asked my opinion, I told her I didn’t think it was a good idea, as I would hate that… She did it anyway. Soooo things are not the best now.. My cousin was horrified and angry, and now they dont talk…. Very very awkward!
Thank goodness my childrens names are slightly unusual and hopefully will never be used by anyone I know… Fingers crossed anyway!
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I should clarify that when I said she used both names, i meant first and middle names…. They have different surnames..
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I had a friend from primary school who I will call C. This was in the UK and we were friends from age 4 until about 17 when we left school and then we’d see each other a few times a year when we were both home. She had a baby girl in 2002 who she called Ava. I moved to Australia shortly afterwards and we kinda lost touch but would occasionally email each other.
I had a baby girl in 2006 – and I called her Ava. It was the only name I truly loved and hubby loved too. I didn’t even think about C at the time and certainly didn’t think I needed to ask my friend if I could use “her” name. So I sent out an email birth announcement to everyone back home, including C. A couple of days later she replied with a charming email telling me how dare I copy HER girl’s name, how I should have told her first before teliing everyone else, and how it sounded stupid because she thought it didn’t even go with our surname. She seriously went off on one!! I was in a bit of a hormonal post-baby mess at the time I read it and was so upset. And she hasn’t spoken to me since. Friends for almost 30 years, destroyed over a name!!
I don’t regret naming my girl Ava though!
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I think C has issues and it’s probably a good thing you aren’t friends with her anymore. For the record, I would be stoked if a friend named their baby after one of my children!
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Me too, Petal!
C doesn’t sound like she was ever a friend, or she would have tried to see the positive in it. Ava is becoming more and more popular, I wonder how many other friends will be lambasted for stealing “her” name?
If you love it, Name Stealer, then your little girl will own it. Good on you for doing something you love, the pressures of motherhood are more than enough without having to compromise for the sake of arrogant friends.
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It’s not like there are infinite names in the world, honestly people are so silly sometimes. Do you really think you’re the first person to read Catcher in the Rye and want a son called Holden or to admire Sarah or Ruth in your Bible enough to name your daughter for them?
Surely it’s more important to focus on a name that works with the proposed surname(s) and adheres to whatever qualities you consider important (stuff like ‘would someone with this name be a high court judge?’ or ‘how do I feel shouting this name at the park 100 times over?’).
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14 years ago I named my yet-to-be-born daughter Maya, and thought I was original. Then bloody Uma Thurman named her daughter Maya a month before mine was born, and ever since then there have been Mayas everywhere. No-one has stolen Parrish or Jem, yet, which are my boys’ names.Yes, it is annoying when someone “steals” your child’s name, but it’s better than calling them Rainbow or Aphrodite!
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Wow, better hope no-one ever reads To Kill A Mockingbird and ‘steals’ Jem from you…
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My 5 yr old Maya has yet to meet another Maya so maya-be it’s not as common as you think. Its a cute meaningful name that is all that matters.
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We call our grandmother ‘maya’ – my brother couldn’t pronounce grandma and now all the grand kids and great grand kids call her this! If ever I have a girl, this would be her middle name.
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Jem – a truly outrageous name for a boy! Don’t listen to me or anyone else – they’re your kids.
I predict many kids will be changing their name by Deed Poll on their 18th birthday though!
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Mia stole my names! (and I don’t even know Mia!). For years, I’ve had Mia, Coco, Remy, Lucas, Aidan, Ava & a few others on my list, but now I’ll sound like a stalker of Mia if I have children (am obsessed wtih Mia & Coco for girls names).
Damn you for procreating first Freedman!
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That’s too funny. We have friends who called their kids Luca and Mia!
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I was very very close to choosing Luca for my girl, but now its a super popular boy’s name I am glad I did not go there, she would have been very annoyed with me for choosing a ‘boy’ name. I think it sounds great for a girl too though.
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I don’t want kids but I’ve already called my girl Adele and my boy Eli!
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I have claimed the names Gwendolynne Rose and Flynn Parker amongst my friends and have even somehow (magically) managed to get my fiance’s agreement to both names!
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What happens if you have two boys or two girls and not one of each?
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Ahhh Kelly that is an excellent question. I have absolutely no idea, we would have to go back to the drawing board.
On another note my parents hate both the names and think I’m terrible for not wanting to name any children after them as per Greek tradition but their names are incredibly long and I cannot pronounce them. I can’t even speak Greek so why on earth would I name my kids after them? There is also the issue that my fiance is Australian (of an Irish background 4 generations ago) and should not be expected to have kids whose names he can’t even pronounce and has never heard of. Not to mention the HUGE potential for bullying…
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Such an interesting read! I’m a big lover of names and like many have had names picked out since forever. My thing is don’t discuss it, and no one gets hurt. I don’t believe in dibs! Still ended up with issues when I had my little boy Sebastian. My sil went all weird after the birth and finally admitted that she felt angry because I had “stolen” her name. Apparently back in 07 she claims se told me she loved the name. I honestly do not remember ever having this discussion! IIt caused a bit of problems in our family mostly because she was acting like a child! We have since talked about it and she asked me if she has a boy would I be offended if she named her son Sebastian. Of course I wouldn’t! No one owns a name! It’s all
Cleared up now but hence I never talk names.. I wait anxiously when my friends have babies hoping they don’t use a name I love.. But if they do. I would congratulate them and get over it!
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Do we really need the title of this post to read this way?
What is wrong with a less New Idea/That’s life type headline to get us to read this post?
I am getting a little tired of the dumbing down of this site.
You guys are better than that(or at least you used to be)
Let the quality of the writing engage the reader, not tacky headlines
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I like the headline – it’s tongue-in-cheek. ‘That awkward moment when you tell someone your potential babies name and then they have a baby and give it that name’ isn’t quite as catchy
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Ha! Beat me too it by a minute
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I think it’s supposed to be tongue in cheek. Mamamia regularly uses humour in their posts and don’t strike me as the type of site to use this headline seriously. They frequently make fun of themselves and what it is to be human.
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The headline’s just a bit of fun, a joke you’d make with your friends. Not as dry as something you’d see in a newspaper and that’s what I love about Mamamia – we can be tongue in cheek.
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Hey HRH,
The headline was my choice. It’s a reference to a segment on the E! show Fashion Police called “Bitch stole my look” where they show two celebrities wearing the same thing.
I love that show. It’s my guilty pleasure.
Hence the headline.
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Just got rid of Austar and Fashion Police is the only show I really miss…so good with a cup of tea and little bit of chocolate…
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Same! its the only show I miss!
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I just love Fashion Police. I think it is just wondering if Joan Rivers can go any further then watching while she does and hoping I’ll be that brave when I’m over 70.
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I think it’s daft, I really do. You can’t own a name. It’s just people creating stress where they really don’t need to. The world is not going to end if your friend/neighbour/sibling/whatever gives their baby the same name.
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Well, I wonder if you actually can!? If I can register a business name and trademark it, can I do the same with a name? So my daughter could be called Jilleradora(TM) ?
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We worked hard on our sons names. Fully aware that at some point in their lives their mates will probably re-name them something of unbelievable horribleness. Like Bucket. Or Tug. Or Hammer.
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Has anyone ever had someone say they don’t like their chosen baby name? I don’t have kids, nor am I trying but I had a discussion about baby names with my SIL, I told her I love the name Declan for a boy and she replied with a scrunched up nose “ew, that’s a horrible name, I hope you’d never call my nephew that”
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My SiL told people that they would call their baby girl Charlotte. Our mutual MiL banged on about it for MONTHS until the she was born with the delightful phrase ” She’ll get called Charlotte the harlot!”. Consequently, I kept me lips sealed during my pregnancies.
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yes! when we were pregnant we were going over baby names with friends. there were some serious suggestions and some silly ones. We did mention a few on our actual list and one of the boys names no one liked…..fast forward 6 months after giving birth to our baby boy we could not decide on a name together when we found our list and chose what had always been in my top 3……yes it was one of the ones everyond disliked. Needless to say after sending out the message with the details of our baby we did get lots of messages back congrtualting us and including “love the name, beautiful name” etc……we didnt bother to bring it up that they hated the name earlier! Oh well, whatever you name a child it ends up growing on them anyway and every day the name suits our baby more and more!
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My daughter’s middle name is Scarlet. When she was a newborn my (difficult) MIL announced very loudly at a family dinner “Let’s just hope she doesn’t turn out to be a scarlet woman”. Which is just all shades of wrong when talking about a newborn baby. I don’t understand how anyone even thinks like that. For the record, I have a friend called Charlotte, and so does my daughter, and neither of them have ever been called Charlotte the harlot to my knowledge. It’s just not a word that kids use.
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I don’t think anyone even uses the word “harlot” any more. And I will stop there cos if I go on my MiL rant the internet may break.
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I have a Scarlett and I got the Scarlett the harlot thing with her.
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I wanted to name one of our girls Lara. But my cricket loving husband refused because all he could think of when he heard the name was Brian.
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I was expecting you to say Bingle!
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I think Miss Bingle would have been about 10 years old at the time
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Whatever name you use, there’s going to be some people who love it, some who hate it, and others who are indifferent.
Personally, I think Declan is a gorgeous name
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If you tell people when your pregnant they seem to think they can tell you they hate a name..but when the you have the baby they will tell you they love the name even if they hate it..
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Yup. We told friends we liked the name Annika for a girl and they were horrified and said it reminded them of boats with spinnakers.
It kind of ruined it for me, although I still think it’s pretty.
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My husband told his brother the names we were considering for our second child and he said ‘they’re all horrible don’t call your child any of them.’ Considering they were very nice ordinary names my husband was really upset, funny though when BIL was expecting his first he refused to tell us what names they were considering, he’d probably realised by then what a horrible thing it was for him to say!
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I thought I was terribly clever when deciding to name my future son Marlow after reading Heart of Darkness in Year 11. Now the name’s everywhere and I know it shouldn’t taint it but somehow it kinda does.
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Yes, it’s really silly.
But in reality, if someone uses the name you’d had chosen in your heart, it actually hurts!
And I’m the most practical person on earth.
It also changes your perception of that name.
Any woman would know that if you like a name, and then meet an unlikable kid (or a particularly annoying family) with that same name. it colours it for you for life. The same is true of a friend who has used your name. It’s personal.
I always tell my close friends the names I like instead of keeping them to myself and I appreciate it when friends tell me. That way, the name is attached to them.
People who are pregnant don’t automatically have authority over people who are not, especially if names have been discussed. Good on you, the people who have actually asked someone if they’d mind.
Being considerate is not a contest.
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I understand this exactly. I’ve had dozens of names ruined forever because of the little cherubs that I teach. Teaching is a great way to make naming a child even more difficult!!
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Oh yes! I could never have a Justin, Matthew or Joel.
As for girls, I adored ‘Sarah’ until I taught a particular one which was the most brash, uncouth, croaky sounding thing and it tainted the name for me. All the beautiful Sarah’s couldn’t make up for that one.
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Miranda Kerr already stole my baby name
(Flynn)
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That bitch!
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I loved Flynn too (went with passion for sailing) but didn’t go with surname “Legg”. I imagined everyone was always going to say “excuse-me” when our son said his name was “Flynn Legg”.
Also couldn’t do Sophilia …Harry (Hairy) …Gus (was going to turn into Pus) .. or name after Aunty Peggy … the surname that keeps giving.
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My favorite boy name was Angus, until I married a man with the last name Magnus, then once when I was pregnant he suggested Octavius which got a big no from me, it was worse sounding than Angus. As well all M names were taken out.
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I wonder if Miranda thought about the surname too – Flynn Bloom doesn’t exactly roll easily off the tongue!
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I had names picked out when I first got pregnant, didn’t tell anyone, then close friends had their twins 2 mths before I had my son and used both of the names I had chosen! So I just chose more names. I was hard but not impossible. And anyway, my son didn’t look like an Alexander (or an Emma!)
I don’t think you can call dibs on a name. If someone else uses your name you can still use it. There are very few completely original names anyway.
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Doesn’t worry me, but then I don’t think a lot of people would use Gallifrey as a name.
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I approve of this name.
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this is the best so far! please actually call your kid this, the world would become a better place from the get go
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when i was pregnant with my daughter my sister asked about what names we were thinking of. when i mentioned one of my husbands top three she said “oh” with a very unhappy look on her face. i asked what the problem was and she said “that’s the name i always wanted if i had a girl” this was news to me. i said that i didn’t know that and my husband certainly didn’t. but then i got “oh, well you may as well use it as i will probably never have a baby” nice guilt trip. we didn’t use it but i was very annoyed with how she’d carried on, i thought it was childish. she may get pregnant and want that name and the baby’s father may hate it.
how exactly do you reserve a name anyway? it’s not like a legal process is involved, it’s just you saying you want something and expecting others to go along with it. bit silly really.
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My sister-in-law (now-ex) tried to bags a name when i was pregnant with my first born- she announced it at a family dinner when i was about to pop with baby, ‘we’re going to call our son Max after my father’ with a very pointed look in my direction- she was no where near having a baby- I couldn’t believe it (luckily Max wasn’t on our list). I was kind of shocked! I’d not heard of name reserving before- a simple friendly discussion would’ve suited me fine, and i would’ve respected her feelings about the issue, being her father’s name, but it was done in such a bitchy manner. Though the last laugh goes to the sister-in-law’s own sister, who got in first and had a boy and named it Max!
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If a friend mentioned that they’ve loved a particular name for years and years, then I think it’s fair enough to steer clear of it unless you’ve genuinely loved the same name for the same length of time.
I am hugely obsessed with baby names, and spend a lot of time reading baby name blogs and forums, and updating my list of baby names that I’ve been keeping since I was 15! I just love names, and love reading about the origins of different names, their meanings, how they have evolved over time etc. As such, I have put a lot of time and effort into thinking about names for my existing and future children. So I would be pretty upset if I mentioned my favourite names to a close friend and they just went ahead and used ‘my’ names, particularly as most of my favourite names are pretty uncommon (aside from my eldest son’s name, which has now entered the top 100, my second son’s name and the two names I have picked out for my next baby/babies are not even in the top 1000 names in Australia). Of course, nobody owns a name and people have a right to name their children whatever they wish, but to use a name that someone close to you has loved for years and years is a bit thoughtless, I think. It does depend a bit, though, on what the name is. If you’re planning to name your children Jack or Isabella, then you have to understand that given how popular those names are in Australia at the moment, it’s likely that at least one person you know probably has the same name/s on their list. ‘Stealing’ a name like Peregrine or Persephone is quite a different thing though… in my opinion, anyway.
And one thing that I think goes without saying is that you should never, ever use the name of a friend’s baby who has been lost through death, stillbirth, miscarriage etc. That is just incredibly insensitive.
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One of my dearest friends is 35 weeks and mentioned a couple of months ago she and her husband both loved the name Joshua. Which is our sons name (he is 7). Because we see each other quite a bit, she was a bit worried we’d be upset if they named their son the same name.
It’s hard enough to find a name you both love, let alone worrying about who else has it. I say bring on the Joshua. We will have big Joshie and little Joshie at social gatherings and weekends away and all will be well. Not that it’s up to me of course, they can name their kid whatever they like.
Our third child Isobel, has not only other Isobels, but Isabels and Isabellas to contend with. Call out Issy in the playground at our local park and half the girls turn around.
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Isabella has been done to death – so sick of hearing that name!!
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I personally would be flattered if my friends liked my child’s name that much that they used it too. Isn’t imitation the sincerest form of flattery?
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yes me too! I have two friends who have used my daughters name for their little girls (one as a first name and the other as a middle name) because ” she is so sweet and kind”. I was totally chuffed that they would name their bubs after my sweet little girl.
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That is utterly gorgeous. I’m glad you’re delighted and not horrified!!
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When I was pregnant with my second, my sister tried to bags FOUR boys names – all quite common names and one of them our grandfather’s name! This was at a time when she was years away from trying for children. I just laughed at her. My other sister named her daughter Scarlett when we already had a Charlotte. She rang first and asked if I minded. I said nobody owns names and she should have the name she loved. My sis-in-law had a Charlie… and that was meant to be our Charlotte’s nick name.. but she insists on being called Charlotte anyway.. so Charlie is always going to belong to our gorgeous nephew now. You just can’t bags names.
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Your lucky, Charlie is now off our list because my niece is Charlotte & my
Sister has a problem with this!!!
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Oh my god. I would never fall out with a friend over a potential baby name. My friends mean more to me than an intangible thing!
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I think reserving a name is stupid, especially if you are not pregnant and will not be for some time. I can understand wanting your friends not to choose the same name, and I would be disappointed, but falling out over it?! What kind of friends could they possibly be?
I have never been upset when a friend has bought the same item of clothing and I think of this in a similar way. The chances of us wearing the same dress at the same time are minimal. The amount of time we would spend together with our children would be much greater, but if I really really like a name, I’m not going to shy away from choosing it if a friend does first (and be pissed off at said friend). I’ll be spending more time with my kid than the friend and her kid, and I’ll use whatever name I want. I’d certainly pick a different middle name, and their personalities are guaranteed to be different!
Uniqueness and individuality are overrated. Your kids are special but not so special that no-one else should ever be called the same thing.
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I think its first in, best dressed. If someone has dibs on a name and it wasnt a name you had thought of before and then you have your baby first, its rude to use it. But that being said its a shame to miss out on using your favourite name because another friend has reserved it not realising that it was your favourite name too. They may not even have a baby at all.
A friend of ours reserved a name while I was pregnant with our first. She wasnt pregnant at the time. And it was actually the name we had already chosen for a girl. Its a name I have loved since I was a child. I told her and she wasnt happy, but thats life. We named our daughter that name. She has since had a daughter and named her something different. But another 2 friends used it anyway!
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When I was pregnant with my son and found out we were having a boy we struggled with finding a name that we liked that wasnt already in our family/circle of friends – just to avoid confusion more than anything else.
there was only one name that we really liked that we stayed away from as it was the same name as my husbands fathers girlfriends daughters baby (hope you followed that) who passed away about 9months earlier from SIDS. although we only see them about once a year – out of respect we took it off our list.
before our children were born we did not discuss our name choices with anybody because we did not want anyones oppinion. i think i would be annoyed if close friends or family used our childrens names now that they have actually been named – but before hand, its first born first served.
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As a teacher I must say it is quite confusing for a young child when several other kids have the same name. It’s bad for their sense of individuality and they don’t feel as special. This year at my school we have 4 Mia’s, 3 Noah’s, 3 Ava’s, 4 Jack’s, 2 Charlotte’s, 3 Benjimans and several Zaras. We try to separate them into different classes for prep, but this just won’t happen throughout their schooling life.
Instead of stealing names we need to be finding really individual names to reflect the child, not the trend of the moment
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My son was in a kindy class of 18, and 5 of them were Lachlan. I felt sorry for them and the teacher!
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I teach a class of 13 boys at a secondary level and 8 of them are called Tom….
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I feel sorry for teachers having to hear the same boring names over and over. I worked with a girl whose surname was Smith and she called her son Jack…. I mean really and truly, surely she could have come up with something a bit more exciting than Jack Smith for him to carry through the rest of his life!
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I have an Ava born in 2010. My husband and I fell in love with the name years ago and when we found out we were having a girl we knew she was an Ava. I knew the name was popular when she was born but it’s not the name that makes a child an individual. I’m not going to give my children ‘unique’ names just to make them feel special. They are special regardless of their name and it’s their beautiful and wild personalities that make them who they are. I also have a son who’s name is popular and again it doesn’t bother me. I think it’s great that all these older names are having their comeback. Lots of people have fantastic taste in names
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Erm….and just how do you propose this happens?
It doesn’t matter what your name is you won’t feel special because of your name. If it’s common you’ll feel like one of the crowd and if it’s unique you’ll feel left out. Feeling special comes from the way your parents treat you, or from certain talents and abilities you have, not from your name.
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Its always happened and kids survived- Mary k, Mary L or whatever in my grandmothers day.
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When taking a new class several years ago I knew if I said “Jessica’ or Michael” someone would answer. The two names covered a quarter of the class.
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I am going through this at the moment for my baby that is due in August. I have couple of choices – Harry, Remy or Henry. Henry is our close neighbour’s boy so I am reluctant to use. I really like Remy (yes, Mia has great taste!) but I am worried that some Australiians aren’t cultured enough to embrace the name. Also, I am seeing a trend that this is a girls name (Remi) and definitely do not want my boy to have a gender crisis. Thoughts?
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I knew a Remy when I was little – female. I also had an ex by the name of Ainsley. He was always aware he had an uncommon – but predominantly female name, which made him defensive when telling people his name.
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My youngest son is named Remy, so obviously I love the name. I have had very mixed reactions to his name – those already familiar with the name usually swoon when I tell them his name, and then there are those who say “Remy? I thought that was a girl’s name?” (“Ah, no, it’s a very masculine French boy’s name meaning ‘oarsman’, actually”…), and then there are those (like my partner’s family) who are openly disparaging (“Are you kidding? He is going to be teased mercilessly when he gets to school!!”), so yes, I think it’s a name that divides opinion, but I absolutely adore it, and think it suits my little man perfectly.
Harry and Henry are great names too though, and hopefully neither is about to jump to the girl’s side like Remy seems to be doing… Then again, if Jessica Simpson can name her daughter Maxwell, who knows?!
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I adore the name Christian. I loved it when I saw moulin rouge and Ewan McGregors character was named that. I did go to school with a guy with that name, but I can think of two Christians I like
I loved the name Abbie as a child, not so much now. Harrison is another boys name
I love. Just don’t want Harry as a nickname.
Don’t really have a fave girls name..
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I vote for everybody just making up new names. It’s very unlikely that friends will fall out over Camtana, Lonrina or Kieffoso. Then, once everyone is doing that it’ll be like we are living in a fantasy novel – woo hoo!
More seriously, our daughter is Liliana Rose. Her first cousin is Ashlee Rose because my mother’s name is Rosemary. I don’t have a problem with that, it’s just a middle name. 2 of my former colleagues, now friends have daughters named respectively Lily May and Lillian (but goes by Lily) and I didn’t feel I needed to ask permission to call our little girl Lili. Since Liliana was born a couple we are friends with called their baby girl Lilly. I have no problem with that, YOU CAN’T OWN A NAME! Sadly, Lily in all it’s variations is hot right now. If only we hadn’t both liked that name since high school, we may have chosen something else…
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Your daughter has a beautiful name
My cousin’s daughter is Lili, spelt just like that, it’s a lovely name.
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