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Happy Friday and welcome to one of our favourite posts of the week – best & worst. It’s time to reflect on what’s happened during your week – the good, the bad and the in-between. There are no “rules” – just join in and tell us about your highs and lows.
Remember that if you want a chance to host best and worst, email info@mamamia.com.au with your full name, headshot and a short bio (include any links to your blog/Twitter etc), and we’ll take it from there.
Introducing Lara…
Worst: Being proved wrong by a 10 month old child. My baby son is the youngest of three, following two cautiously raised girls. From the moment the ultrasound indicated blue skies ahead, people started warning me that boys are different. “Pfft!” said I. “I laugh in the face of your naïve gender distinctions!” And then he ate a huntsman spider. Oh yes he did. And then he spent 24 hours with an inexplicably swollen ear that made him look like a baby-faced boxer. And then he bit his tongue through the night, causing me to age five years when I woke to a blood-soaked cot. And yes, this was all in the past week. I concede defeat; boys are different. Or, at least, my son is different from my daughters. I can only pray that eventually he uses his ebullience and curiosity for good rather than evil; or that we can get a tidy TV deal for our version of Boy vs Wild.
Best: My 20 year school reunion. Not the reunion as such, since that happened ages ago and left me feeling a bit weirded out, if I’m honest, despite careful planning and the requisite pre-reunion therapy. No, it’s the legacy of said event that has made me happy this week, including renewed friendships with some very inspiring individuals. A group of us, who were never in the same ‘gang’ at school, has discovered that as thirty-something workers, parents, partners, wise souls and lost souls, we have a lot to offer each other. We mostly chatter online, and I can guarantee that if, for example, my son eats a large, hairy spider, I can vent my irrational (though in this case, I think, forgivable) concerns to a kind set of ears that won’t judge me. Well, not to my face at least. How curious it is that the newest technology can facilitate the oldest kind of cup-of-tea-over-the-back-fence conversations?
OMM (On My Mind): “Life has no remote control. Get up and change it yourself”. I have no idea who first said this, but it amuses me that the tone is a more ‘boot camp’ than ‘chicken soup’ for the soul. Sometimes I think I need that.
Dr Lara Cain Gray is an academic, writer, librarian, curator and mother. The order depends on the day. Whenever she can she blogs here, tweets here and Facebooks (is that a verb?) here.
What were your best and worst bits of the week?
Comments
327 Comments so far
OMM: Groundhog Day. The equation goes a little like this….
1 day = 1x rejection, 3x applications, 1x phone call asking for ‘further details’ to show willing, 1x assessment report for client’s picture book to keep the $$ coming in, 1 set of airfares booked for Christmas and feeding the cat so she doesn’t drive me mad.
At least it’s almost Spring and the end is in sight for horrendous heating bills!
So … how was *your* day?
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Loved Lara’s story. Can’t wait to hear what happens next week!
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Does anyone have any understanding of bad dreams? I’ve had nightmares since a very young child. I remember when I was really young having to see doctors due to them, night terrors.
My problem now though is that for the past 12 -24 months I’ve been having the most horrific dreams of my father sexually assaulting me. So disturbing that the next day I am very distraught and depressed.
The thing is I know he never did this, so why am I dreaming this all the time? I also dream that he is bashing me, trying to kill me, as well as the sexual assault. He died 14 years ago, he was very unpredictable could be so nice one minute and very vicious and cold the next but he did love me.
Last night I dreamt that he raped me and i killed him…. so awful. And I’ve had that dream before. Very very upsetting.
I didn’t have the best childhood, lots of disfunction but no physical or sexual abuse. So why is this happening?? And why won’t these dreams stop?
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Guestforthis, my Late Grandmother was plagued by nightmares too. It had a terrible effect on her.
I don’t really have any advice worth giving but I’d start by looking at the side effects of any medication you’re on, your diet and what you eat in the hours before bed.
Failing that, I’d get some hypnosis. If it doesn’t settle with that then you should see your doctor – though sleeping tablets made my Nan’s worse and she got to the point where she was frightened to go to sleep.
She had also had an abusive father and her dreams were about him as well.
I have a gut feeling that hypnosis will help you. All the best.
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Best: Caught up with my best friend on Thursday. I’ve known her for ten years and recently she’s had a lot of problems with drugs and mental illness, but I feel like she has come back. It was so nice to talk with her again. She understands me like no one else. I’ve missed her a lot.
Worst: My family situation. To give this some context, due to my mother’s violence I moved in with them last year when I was in year 12. This year, the day after my birthday, my dad strangled me. I have not forgiven him and I don’t think I will, as I feel betrayed. I tried to talk to my stepmum about how lonely and isolated I feel, as well as how much I dislike my dad’s incredibly short fuse. She says that I frustrate him because I’m not the kind of daughter he wants. Then, she said “no wonder people assault you when you’re so annoying.”
I am disgusted that she condones violence (as well as disgusted at my biological parents for being so incompetent)
All that said, I feel totally alone. I don’t feel as if there’s anybody who is glad that I am here.
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hi Kaufman, this is truly terrible I really feel for you.
Did you move in with your father and step mother because of your mothers’ violence? Just a bit confused.
You need to get some support urgently. This is domestic violence, unacceptable. No one, no matter what they do or say is the cause of this, no matter what you did. Your stepmother is obviously unwell to say something so ridiculous and untrue. This is their problem – not yours.
Please contact your local domestic violence organisation first thing tomorrow. DV is any violence or verbal abuse or psychological abuse from a partner or relative.
YOu also need to stay away from them, and you will need support to do this too. Hope you’re ok, you don’t deserve this at all, it’s NOT your fault. It will get better, you just need some help and to get away from this awfulness xxx
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It’s Sunday morning and my new week isn’t starting out so well. I don’t want to exactly document on here what the problem is, but suffice to say I have been replaced by another woman. Complicated. But still crushing. Unfortunately it has reinforced the question ‘why am I never enough?’.
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Please don’t think you’re not enough. Surround yourself with family and friends – people who think you’re wonderful and will nourish your soul.
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I’m so sorry for the situation you are in, but please remember this has everything to do with HIM and nothing to do you with YOU. It took me a lot of counselling sessions to get to the point of believing that, but it is so true.
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Best and worst: My boyfriend of 6 months says he isn’t ready for sex with me. He says he doesn’t take a sex lightly, and he wants to make sure the moment is 100% right.
Initially, I was the one who wanted to wait (I’m a virgin and he isn’t) but now I feel ready. On one hand, I feel very lucky to have met a guy who has been so understanding and non pushy. Especially as it’s so rare as an adult to find a guy who is willing to wait. But on the other hand, I feel a little bit concerned…I’m so used to the notion of guys wanting sex etc. Should I be worried that he doesn’t feel it’s right yet? Do it mean he doesn’t have strong feelings for me yet??
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How old are you both? How many previous sexual partners has he had?
Can’t really give you any advice without this info.
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We’re both 21.
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Sorry, meant to add: I’m not sure of his sexual history, but he lived with his previous girlfriend for 2-3 years so he is def not a virgin.
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Well considering he lived with his g/f for a few years it is a little odd. HAve you sat down and really talked it over? Of course it’s great he’s not rushing you, especially as you are a virgin. But I really think you need to have a deep & meaningful with him. You need to know exactly what he is thinking and why. Good luck.
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Best – Helping in my son’s class and seeing how happy it made him. I was also incredibly proud of how smart and polite he is in class.
Worst – unexpected costs have left us a very limited food budget for the next few days… So sick of making a ‘surprise’ meal out of the pantry.
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So today I found out I’m up the duff with #3. To say it was unplanned would be an understatement – last weekend we put the cot, change table etc in storage…..
I’ve not told my husband yet. I am strangely nervous too as we genuinely hadn’t decided if we wanted another and being honest we were both erring on the not side of the fence.
I thought about it all day today, the nappies, the cost, the things we’d need to repurchase as we’ve sold/given away all our stuff.
Has anyone had to have this conversation before / been where I am???? I figure it’s fate, and will turn out to be a plesent surprise but what to do????
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I had this conversation when my children were 13, 15, 18 and 20! I remember being unable to speak, I was crying so much. I had my head buried in a tea towel because I was too frightened to look at his face!
Anyway, Surprise Baby is loved and adored and spoilt beyond belief. I think you have the children you’re meant to have. If they’re meant to be then they turn up no matter how careful we are.
People will give and lend you the things you need.
All the best xx
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Thanks anon.
Can I be rude and ask your age? Am 35 turning 36 before babe due. When we have discussed in the past husband keeps bringing up that we would be 54when babe in year 12….
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I was 42 when she was born and 47 when she started school. For years I was worried that I’d be like a grandmother amongst the other mums but there are lots and lots in their mid to late 40′s. Its really quite the norm now.
There’s one mum who’s 47 with four under 8 and one not even at school yet.
I’ll be 60 when she does the HSC!! I won’t deny that an unplanned pregnancy is confronting. I cried the entire pregnancy and that first year at school, as my prior baby started uni, I could have collapsed at any moment if I looked more than one day at a time into the future.
Although I loved her with everything in me, and made sure I enjoyed every moment of her infancy and toddlerhood, I genuinely think it has taken me nine years to accept my lot and make peace with it.
Now, I can’t imagine not having her in our lives. She is extremely bright and confident and healthy, so we are blessed. If she had health or emotional challenges, well, that puts a whole different spin on late parenthood.
I know it’s a worrying time for you, I really feel for you.
All the best.
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Thanks anon for your advice. I blurted out the news to my husband this afternoon at the petrol pump of all places
his reaction was priceless – really really he kept saying with a big smile, then promptly ran off to the chemist. He has been so excited all night.
I’m still terrified but figure all will be well. Husband picked girls and boys names tonight so we’re set
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Oh, that’s so wonderful! He sounds like one of the good guys! All the best to you x
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Sorry to butt in here…my Mum had me at 37 years old, and I think that having two older kids already is a great advantage. I have been spoilt rotten and loved so much, and Mum says she wouldn’t have changed the circumstances for the world
Happy for you, congratulations on your exciting news!
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Thanks Lana, loved your best and worst. Ah little boys.
Worst: I cannot grieve properly for my mother, who passed away at the end March, as we are too busy looking after our elderly father and dealing with his issues. And his issues are many and wide ranging. I am tired and stressed.
Worst: 10 year old boy had a major asthma attack. First one in about three years. Spent an awful 24 hours in hospital. He is OK now but it threw us all.
Best: I love my husband and my children as they are keeping me afloat.
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Worst: My gorgeous cat who I only adopted about 2 months ago being diagnosed with feline leukemia. Have had to move my other cat to my mum’s place as it can be contagious. He’s already had such a rough start to life and is the most loving, happy little creature I’ve ever known. His prognosis is not good.
Best: getting excited about my USA trip in September, starting to do lots of research into NYC which is exciting…
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Worst = the loss of a voice from my youth… RIP MCA.
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Many years ago I was the mother of two adorable, divine little girls, perfect in every way. My friends had little boys and they used to drive me insane. I used to think, ‘Give me a week with that little mongrel and I’ll sort him out.’
God heard me and thought unto Himself, ‘Pride cometh before a fall, Anon. I shalleth humble you for judging unto others.’
And so, unto me, a boy was born …… and then another, even more ‘boy-like’ one followed.
And I was indeedeth humbled, to the point of wanting to sticketh my head in the oven!!
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Yep, lesson learned!
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Great post! But don’t girls become painful around puberty and boys become really lovely????
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Please God, let that be true!
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Not true!
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Just wanted to jump on quickly to say I am going home today! Yay! 17 days in hospital is long enough. Still a long way to go but so happy to be going home to the (sadly sick) kids!
Thanks so much for everyones nice wishes this week, it truly helps
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Excellent news! Wishing you well
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Yay!!
Wishing you the very best xxx
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I really miss Mia writing the best and worst each week.
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Funny, funny post, Lara. The huntsman and your son story was gold
Best: Getting HD’s for assignments. I like that.
Worst: More assignments.
OMM: My daughter is suffering from grief from her BFF’s unexpected death earlier this year. Have booked a short holiday to take her away to somewhere she’s never been for a bit to break the cycle of grief a little. I’m hoping it helps her. It makes me really sad to see her suffer. I think she’s getting a bit tired of me constantly hugging her, lol.
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Thank you Susan As Well, glad you got a laugh. Sorry to hear about your daughter. Keep hugging though.
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What a thoughtful idea for your daughter, wishing you a good trip that hopefully helps your daughter.
PS. HDs are the best! Well done!
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She is extremely lucky to have you as her mum xx
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This was a lovely post. I particularly enjoyed the best part, at 37 I often feel that my time to make new friends is over, and alot of the old ones have faded away.This story is inspirering
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Worst: am currently 10kgs over my desired weight. Over the past two years i have struggled with trying to work out what – if any! – food intolerances i have – fructose, lactose, gluten, salycilates, amines – you name it! And after all that time i still really don’t know what is causing such awful IBS. Have finally been told to stop doing the RPAH Elimination Diet
Best: that I have stopped that bloody elimination diet – enough chicken!!!
I can go back to eating the healthy way i did before and perhaps discover that I don’t have all of these intolerances and perhaps I just need to lessen the ‘load’ of them in my diet. About time – it has been doing my head in!! Perhaps I can get back to feeling well and being able to exercise and run as well as I did in the past.
OMM: That i might go back to feeling not so great or as I did when i first had to undergo some changes to manage my IBS and perhaps food intolerances.
But hopefully i can lose that extra weight – I’m not overweight, but carrying those extra kilos doesn’t make me feel good – and doesn’t make my exercise or running as enjoyable as it can be.
But it is amazing how good I feel to eat the good healthy foods that will nourish my body and fuel it well.
The elimination diet – and other elimination of certain foods was not only draining on me physically, but mentally it was exhausting!
Onwards and upwards:)
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Best: I had my post published on Mamamia! Yay! I rewarded myself with 2 macaroons and a hot chocolate.
Worst: I didn’t fit into my bridesmaids dress. Bloody macaroons. Dang.
OMM: We live in a diverse world and need to treat others as we want to be treated, with respect and tolerance
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Best: Exams. Are. Over. and It’s my Birthday today.
Worst: It’s my Birthday. Enough said.
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Worst- I read that book “the desendants”. I thought is was supposed to be funny. had no idea it was so heart breaking. a book about a mum dying is not funny and as my mum died from. Head injury in very similar circumstances to the book . So I have not stopped crying to the point of a sinus head ache.
Best- It is therapeutic to tap into your pain from loss sometimes. I feel closer to my mum today and close to my own family.
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Best: Bought some boots but haven’t been game enough to wear them! I’ve been so daggy for the last decade that it’s hard to dress up again
Worst: A bit anxious about some girls at work – potential stalker tendencies showing (must have heard about the boots in my wardrobe!!)
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2 weeks after realising that son and husband have aspergers…undiagnosed at this stage.
Best: Honestly, not sure at the momet…having a very flat week…but I did tell hubby my thoughts about our son. At least now it’s out there. Although of course he couldn’t see it.
worst: realizing that it’s easier not to feel when you have an aspergers husband. Or rather that you only feel at the times that they can show care and interest. If you allow yourself to feel all the time (ie. be normal) then it’s too hard to brush off the comments that come from them.
OMM: stupidly I’m reflecting on my life and thinking ‘what if’. What if I’d never married him? What if we’d divorced before kids? What’s it like to be with a normal guy (hubby was my first boyfriend & lover). What happens now?
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Hi explosion,
You are in such a challenging situation. I don’t have any advice, except to say maybe talking to someone (professional) may be helpful.
Strength and good wishes your way,
Hugs, Lottie
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My son and husband are Aspies too. I find I need to tell my husband what I’m feeling, he doesn’t really notice.
Call your state autism authority, find a specialist, get a diagnosis for your son, set up a mental health care plan and find a good ASD specialist. They will guide you through everything. Make your husband come to sessions, he’ll learn a lot.
Good luck, I hope this helps and isn’t too bossy.
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I know a family where mum has aspergers and dad has autism. Their 3rd child (about 14) has both, the two older kids (in 20′s) have one of the two conditions each, all were only diagnosed in the last few years. They manage well, most of the time, and were relieved to be diagnosed. Having the knowledge of the conditions and linking in with appropriate support, and getting support at school are the things they mention often as “saving” their family!
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Best:did physio today and only have to go back for 1 more session in 3-4 months. My balance and dizziness is still there, but much improved.
Got my new skirt delivered from mod cloth. It’s a woolen stretchy number. I’ve worn it twice already.
Worst:mixed up airport pickup times with son and he carried on like a pork chop about it, even though i apologised, so things have been a bit tense between us this week.
OMM: still a bit stressed about our upcoming income drop. My hubbie has been a bit down about it this week and is now reluctantly looking for new jobs.
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Ahh, Huntsman. Less indegestion than daddy long legs
Worst: Repercussions of Sunday’s Surf and Turf. Lasted most of the week.
Best: Two functional nights (sort of) putting the little ones down solo. Took some organisation and arbitration but we got there.
OMM: Taking some time to smell the roses…starting to grasp the posibilities.
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Best: After many months of changing my eating habits and adding more exercise into my routine, I have finally got myself back into shape two years after having my daughter. I feel really fit and healthy and the whole family is enjoying more fresh, wholesome food.
Worst: I have no clothes that fit me and a heap of bills about to hit. Shallow first world problem but nice to know that’s the worst of my problems this week.
OMM: I selfishly wish my Mum would move to Sydney, I miss having her nearby and my daughter would love having her around more. Although it’s so nice to get down to country Victoria for holidays at my parent’s place. We all get spoilt and I treasure every moment!
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Best – I bought a new cardigan. I love cardigans. Oh, and my lovely Wolford tights arrived in the post. 3 for 2. Bargain. Best tights on the planet.
Worst – nope. All good so far.
OMM – tomorrow will be the 26th anniversary of me starting my nurse training. I can’t believe it’s been that long and I can’t believe how far I’ve come. So I don’t have diamond earrings and lots of money, but I think I’ve done a good job. There have been terrible moments and moments of wonder. I’ve been quite lucky, all things considered.
I’m not doing another bloody 26 years, though!!!
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Congratulations on 26 years! I think nurses are so amazing, they do such an incredible job and it’s a challenging one.
Nurses deserve our wholehearted thanks, so thanks to you! xx
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Worst: My son’s Grade 1 teacher called me in for a meeting on Monday regarding some problems he is having in class. He has difficulty focusing, finishing his work, gets distracted easily etc and she is concerned he is falling behind. He is quite bright and we read with him every night so he is on track with his reading but I am concerned as his teacher thinks he has ADD. Some of the behaviours she described he does not show at home. He is one of the youngest in the class and up until we have just put it down to lack of maturity but who knows? I am taking him to the GP and looking at having an Central Auditory Processing test but he is still quite young for this as he only turned 6 this week.
Best: Little bits of volunteering this week: baked for tuckshop, looking after the school’s permaculture animals this weekend (chickens & sheep) and helped in canteen at soccer.
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School is a different environment to home and children are expected to do things over a certain period of time. Some children have trouble maintaining focus and it’s good that the teacher has noticed. My advice is to go back to the teacher and ask her what she’s doing to engage your son. I wouldn’t look at “fixing” your son’s behavior instead work with the teacher and think of strategies to keep your son focused.
He needs a positive environment at school and you should never tell him his behavior is bad or wrong as he might start hating school.
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REading through everyones posts is so interesting. So many of you have health problems, relationship problems, family issues, etc. But you all seem to have good lives. Relaitonships, frieinds and family.
So what do you do when you don’t have anything? I always believed that by now I’d have a loving husband, children, home, family and friends. But i have nothing. Nothing at all.
I have my work which is interesting but not very fulfilling as its corporate, but its well paid. I lost my home a few years ago and I’m single, I have no children and now at 46 I’ve lost my chance. I was madly in love two years ago and we were pregnant and going to be together forever, then he left me.
What should I do??? Should I try and stay positive? Should I go to a life coach? I’m scared. what if it doesn’t get better?
I have had this terrible feeling for some time that my life is over. I don’t know what to do…….
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Reading that broke my heart…life will get better. Everyone experiences these low points, some more than others, but none of us have perfect, happy lives. Please talk to someone. It’s never to late to turn things around. Thinking of you and hoping it all turns around soon!
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I’m sorry, I did not mean to worry anyone, I’m not suicidal. But I just have this awful feeling deep down that my life is over.
I desperately wanted a husband, children, family, but it just didn’t work out. It’s been about five years of hell and now after surviving it all, nothing.
Maybe this is all there is for me, which is really horrible.
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Go on a great big adventure, overseas and just enjoy the world.. you never know who you will meet when you are not really looking!
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Oh Kate, I’m sorry but that’s really not what single people want to hear. Mostly because it’s not true.
Guest, have a big hug. I think a life coach is an excellent idea. A fresh pair of eyes will help you to look at your life objectively.
So you don’t have children. That’s really not the end of the world. I know this. You know an upside to that? You have a lot more freedom than others. So do something with it! You say your job is well paid. Can you take a leave of absence and do some volunteer work somewhere? Take a magnificent holiday?
Your life is not over. There will be no children and I know that upsets you but believe me, there is more out there for you.
One thought, do you think you’re depressed? May be worth talking to your doctor. Sometimes when we’re so incredibly sad everything seems pointless and it’s just getting up, going to work and coming home again. No one wants to live like that.
Life coach. Sea change. Whatever it takes.
You have worth. Your life has worth. Now go out there and take charge of the next chapter.
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I second the go on a big adventure idea! Travel for a while! It will give you some inspiration and perspective
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Oh guest, a big hug to you.
Ok, I’m probably one that can claim to be doing it tough right now. Yes I have wonderful family around me which helps, but it doesn’t come automatically. I’ve had to work to open myself to others, to accept help. I also have to work at accepting that things suck, and to make the best of it. Because life isn’t fair, so it’s best to just get on with it. I can only change what I can change.
But that doesn’t mean we can’t find meaning and beauty in the ordinary, the mundane. It sounds like you have already done the hard yards, seen some battles. Take strength from that daily courage to just get by.
I would encourage seeing a counsellor to help you. Maybe a mentor or someone to inspire you if you feel that need. But life isn’t over because you don’t have the house or the kids. Yours is just taking a different direction to someone elses.
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Guestforthis, huge hugs.
Life is shit sometimes isn’t it? Don’t focus on the negatives in your life, try and see the positives. I would suggest seeing a psychologist or counsellor who can help you work through why you’re feeling this way.
And if it makes you feel any better, my great aunt was a bride for the first time at age 73. Life is funny sometimes. xxxxx
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Guestforthis, there is such a need for foster carers. If biological children aren’t going to happen for you, little ones in need could fill a hole in your heart and you, theirs. Xx
And sometimes husbands aren’t all they’re made out to be! You can have mine if you want him!
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YOU are amazing don’t ever, ever forget that. Just because he left you doesn’t mean YOU are over. Go overseas, get lost in adventure, fall in love again, it’s possible and it will be so much better this time around. Better things are right around the corner for you, I know this for sure. Stay strong, believe in yourself and keep your head high.
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I am sorry you feel this way
I can understand how you would! I am also really sorry about losing your husband and pregnancy 
But life is not over at 46! It is NEVER too late. What do you want from your life? Are there things you have always wanted to do? Write a list and start doing them! Of course you cannot control falling in love and having children but you can control other things! And what about fostering? Would you be open to that? Or even just try some volunteering?
I understand where you are coming from but you musn’t think your life is over! You have so many opportunities and all you have to do is pick one, go out there and try! Since you say you have nothing..well then you have nothing to lose!
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Hi Lara, I really enoyed your best and worst. You are an exciting writer and I hope to read lots more of your adventures. Here’s my best and worst:
Best: cuddles in bed with my 3 beautiful children and hubby. “There were five in the bed and the little one said…..”
Worst:Toddler temper tantrums at daycare today were so bad that I had to send Miss 4 home with the grandparents. They can make you feel so guilty when you have to work and I spent most of my workday in tears.
Luckily a have such wonderful friends and family, who always catch me when I fall. Love you guys xxx
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Thanks for your comment Kasper. I’m sorry to hear you spent your workday in tears. It can be so difficult to balance the different areas of your life sometimes can’t it? I guess you have to hold on to the special happy feelings of your ‘best’. Thanks for reading
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You strike me as a wise guru. I hope you do some more writing on Mamamia, maybe ‘Lara’s Soothing Words’ to brighten our day. Thank-you.
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Best: a colleague who was underperforming has been moved into a different role with no further connection to me. Also great is finally kicking my sinus infection.
Worst: Work is ramping up gain after a pleasant lull. In a related worst, work travel coming up. Sigh. Before I had a family I loved it. Now I just resent it for taking me away from my family.
OMM: dreams of having no money. This usually means disquiet about life circumstances. Spot on, subconscious. Need to think about what I want but no time to do so.
Big time OMM: I accepted $7k from my dad. He gave a similar amount to my sister for her wedding and wanted me to have the same. Nice dad! I thought about it for months and decided not to tell my husband about it. Things havent been fantastic between us and I thought it might be wise to have a small nest egg tucked away. So I opened an investment account. Only I stupidly chose a short term one as it has a higher interest rate. So it’s matured already and the interest will show on my tax. We do a joint tax return and he’ll see it. What am I going to say? He’ll be devastated and I feel ill about that as things have improved between us and I do love him. What to do?!
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Tell him about it now, before tax time? And say you weren’t sure whether you would accept/keep it, so initially kept it between you and your Dad? That way you aren’t lying.
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thanks eternally. I will have to tell him before tax time. I’m not looking forward to it. He will be upset that I didn’t tell him about it in the first place and I feel bad about that. He’s a wonderful husband and father and I know he’ll be hurt by this, which makes me sad. I wish I’d thought it all through more carefully
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If you do decide to tell hm, then tell him your father set it up for you and didn’t tell you about it. You only just found out.
You should have your own nest egg, it’s important so don’t feel bad about it.
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Thanks ANon. It’s not possible to set up an account for someone without their signature, so that wouldn’t work. I do want my own nest egg, but I don’t see how to do it without him finding out. Maybe I should call our accountant and ask her advice.
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Maybe try this. Tell him Dad gave you the money and you didn’t have time to think through what to do with it so you stuck it into the short-term investment account. Now, you have received the notice of interest paid and you need to talk to him about what to do with the money long-term. This is a white lie, one that’s told so you don’t hurt his feelings and no harm comes to you or him through telling it. It’s 90% truth and there is no law that says you have to tell him that you stuck the money away because you didn’t want to tell him about it at the time you received it.
Or, tell him the truth and use the situation to sort out how to make things better with him, if you want to make things better with him.
Or, do your tax differently this year so he doesn’t see it if you feel that you want to keep the knowledge of the money private still.
Hugs xo
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Thank you for thinking of me Susan as Well. I like your suggestion about using it to sort some things through with us. I only have until 10/5 to instruct the bank, so I need to make a decision soon re what to do!
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every wife should have some money of her own. see your accountant and pay your own tax.you dont have to pay joint tax.
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Best: A sponsor child of mine, who I’ve been sponsoring since I was 16, is going to university to study international relations and English. So happy for her.
Best: I ordered these skyplanters today so I’m eagerly awaiting their arrival now: http://www.boskke.com/products/skyplanter/
Best: Long weekend, my birthday, plenty of social stuff planned.
OMM: Bob Brown’s replacement…wow! So excited and feeling very optimistic about the talent representing the Greens. Really happy to see a greater diversity of people representing us as a nation – he’ll improve their credibility of economic matters and has a understanding of business as well.
Worst: A bad case of indigestion and nausea is about as bad as it gets right now.
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There’s absolutely no doubt in my mind that this week has been one of my worst. Thank you to the MM team for making me look for the good amongst the bad…
BEST. I’ve had a manic but achievement-filled week at work. I made a significant career decision (my first proper strategic decision) and I’m confident in my choice.
WORST. It’s shit with the boyfriend. Very shit. I’m not sure what to do. This is why my week has been one of the worst.
OMM: Going to my first English wedding tomorrow, hoping very much that the sun comes out for the loveliest of happy couples.
x
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Best: Oddly enough I had a really good week: my injury improved significantly and I was able to go to the gym every day AND I booked a holiday AND I got really good feedback on my last bit of work.
Worst: Crazy studying
OMM: Tax accounting 24/7 as my CA exam is on Tuesday. Cannot wait to be rid of this subject!
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boyfriend is sitting same exam on tuesday – so much stress in the house!!!
GOOD LUCK!
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Thanks! Good luck to him too and best wishes to you! I can’t imagine dealing with someone doing CA when you aren’t. My boyfriend is doing it too so our house is stress central.
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Best: i keep getting calls and bookings for relief teaching on Fridays. It’s exactly what I wanted and I’m loving it. We’re also spontaneously taking the kids camping tomorrow.
Worst: nothing springs to mind but I have a very ‘Nina’ mentality about these things so i’ll keep you posted
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Best: It’s been a good week – I’m going to be back teaching art in two weeks. It’s what I do, and I do it with PASSION.
Worst: Well, this is OMM as well. Those BLOODY MEN in the gym who leave their towels on a machine to bags it, while they hang around in groups to chat. And I do wish they’d have a quick shower before their workout. Even at 6:30am they don’t smell “dainty” as my grandmother used to call it, and put their rank armpits over the biceps curl and triceps dip thingies. Grrr.
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ewww!
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Best: Today alone I got phoned for a job interview for my dream job, got 5 secondhand books and won a double pass to see a play I was going to buy tickets for anyway. Volunteering tomorrow to gift wrap Mother’s day presents at Kmart for SIDS and Kids Australia.
Worst: Nothing!
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Goo luck with the interview!
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Thank you!
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Best: My boyfriend. He’s amazing. That is all
Worst: feeling frustrated with some co-workers who just seem to complain and create a negative work environment.
OMM: Saving for a house deposit. By this time next year I’d love to be in a position to seriously look at properties!
http://www.thebeautyblot.wordpress.com
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Best Arranged to meet up with a girlfriend today to shop and have lunch.
Worst my first thought was to look for a Mothers Day present for my Mum…then I remembered that she died last year…it still takes my breath away.
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Oh Jem. I’m so sorry. It must be incredibly difficult. Much love to you. x
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Aww. I know how that feels.
Have a look at this site, you might find it interesting.
http://www.treesformum.com/AboutUs/treesformum-AboutUs.aspx
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I had moments like that for a year or two after Dad died. I kept seeing things eg books that were so “him”, then remembering he wasn’t around. At first it was painful, but now (16 years later) I enjoy thnking about him and being reminded of him.
My stepdad was Dad’s friend, so somethimes the Dad things will interest him too. Do you have aunts or a godmother to give those “that’s so Mum” gifts to?
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Dad passed a year and a bit ago. I sometimes see older men in the street, dressed in a flanno shirt and jeans like dad used to and find myself speeding up to catch them, about to say “hey, dad ..” and then I remember. It used to hit so hard I would have to stop and catch my breath too. It’s getting less like that and more like a happy memory of dad now.
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WORST: Work, work, work problems. I work in an environment where relationships and teamwork are highly regarded – and yet the teamwork just didn’t happen and relationships just worsened as the week went on. Thank goodness I only work Monday to Thursday.
BEST: Today (being Friday) I work as a volunteer with adults with special needs. Walking along with four two “wheelies” and two “”walkees” singing, robustly, Do A Deer, A Female Deer – as a choir whilst we walked along the park lined streets of our City. Very, very special.
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Best: My boyfriend’s birthday yesterday. Had such a good day with him
Worst: The 22 year old man stabbed to death at a bus stop on Wednesday. It was a random act by a man with serious mental health issues. Such a tragic and horrendous thing to have happened. Thinking and praying for his family.
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Best; making an effort to catch up with friend, CHILD-FREE… hard with work and toddler and husband away, but worth coordinating
Worst; NOT pregnant, but have only done 2 cycles of trying (for third and last baby)
OMM; husband coming home from RAAF deployment in time to try for round #3
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Best: Have shipments from Strawberry Net, Adore Beauty and Amazon in the mail, as well as (hopefully) a passport on the way.. Love fun mail!
Best 2: Possibility of going to Melbourne for a long weekend in a couple of weeks, as well as Europe next month!
Worst: I’ve spent the day traipsing around the city getting my passport application sorted. Sore feet and wasted a lot of time I had planned to spend doing assignments.
Worst 2: Still waiting on refunds from travel agent for my brother’s cancelled overseas trip… two months after informing them of the cancellation. Grr!
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Worst: Had tonsilitis since Monday. Went to work Tuesday and left an hour early. Back today.
Best: Had a nice shower this morning and felt good. One guy kept commenting on how good I looked.
OMM:
Starting to get tired of the commute down to Sydney from the Central Coast every day. It’s bloody hard work, and moving closer is still a ways off as I have a $2,500 credit card to pay off and about $15,000 to pay off my car. Hmmph.
Plus, I was told that in order to show my “enthusiasm” for a new role at work, I’d have to come in on a weekend day ‘in my own time’ which I am only assuming is unpaid. I am really not keen on 8 hours a day, 6 days a week which will include 18 hours worth of travelling. I am also not really sure how long they will expect me to do this.
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what? what industry do you work in? that’s completely unacceptable to expect you to come in on weekend ! especially when it is unpaid!
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I’m pretty sure that might be illegal, Worried – but I’ve been out of the workforce for years so I don’t know how you can check. I’m sure someone in MM-land can assist? Isn’t it a kind of blackmail?
“Show your enthusiasm…” That’s just bottywash. With the intent to use you up and wring every last drop out of you, and that seems to be happening anyway, with the tonsillitis and the looooong commutes.
xx
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You poor thing! I agree with the other comments that this could be illegal. The thing is you can bust your nuts to “show your enthusiasm” but for what? It’s not show your enthusiasm and you get a raise. There could be no benefit at te end for you and that’s too big a risk to take. Unfortunately some companies do take advantage of people and use them up. Make them realise you’re valuable to the work place by telling yourself you are! Lose the mentality that you’re easily replaceable (which I know is hard when it feels really true, not sure what your job is like though) If YOU ever feel that to get something done properly you need to work on a weekend by all means go in but don’t put yourself through that commute every Saturday to show enthusiasm. Say you show enthusiasm Monday to Friday putting in 110% so that you don’t need to work Saturdays!
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Worst : It’s friday and I have a trip down south planned for the weekend, thought I had a low workload – leave by 3. Happy days.
Then a bomb is dropped (figuratively) in a meeting this morning and today has become the most manic day of my career. Happy Friday and weekend plans shattered. And I’m on Mamamia when I should be working. FML
Best/Omm – can’t think right now!
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I’m the same, always procrastinating when I can least afford the time. Shut the internet down and finish so you can relax at the weekend!
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Best: saw my baby’s heartbeat for the first time! And I’m not going to lie, I’m also super excited that it’s Friday and Snog Marry Avoid is on tonight.
Worst: feels like I’m drowning in assessments.
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Worst: it tools like my partner and I will have to shut our business we have worked to build up over the last 4 years and hope said partner gets employment straight away or we risk losing our home and our wedding plans need to be cancelled.
Best: I have become very skilled at using under eye concealer so no one notices my lack of sleep – that’s what I’m telling myself anyway.
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Oh Mug what a stressful time for you. Stay positive.
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Thanks :0)
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Mug, I’m so sorry you’re going through this and can only urge you to stay strong. We went through this a couple of years ago and lost everything. Bizarrely, we’re much happier now than we were with the business crushing us!!
I just want to let you know that this is a new beginning and one that you’re strong enough to handle.
Hoping everything works out for you and your husband. Sending you positive thoughts.
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Hey Mug
I work in insolvency and I’m not sure if you will have already done this but I really recommend going to talk to an insolvency practitioner. They’ll be qualified and be able to give you the best advice. It doesn’t always sound pretty but they are the ones that will get you back to sleep the fastest!
Like Cher said, it wont be like this forever and it’s a new beginning!
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Best – 4 sleeps and we’re off for three weeks in Paris and London. I even think I’ve packed quite well and light (with room for shopping!).
Worst – I’m going to miss my littlie SO MUCH, she’s really excited about a holiday with her grandparents and aunty, but boy will I miss her!
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Pack some warm clothes it is cold here at the moment, still wearing my winter coat in May!!! Oh and a raincoat, it is very wet. Enjoy the trip, despite the weather you will have a ball
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So I’ve found out I’m pregnant. Wasn’t planned but I am still very happy. We already have one child was hoping to give him a brother or sister in the next 6 months anyway. Problem is I have a few friends who are desperately trying for children with not much luck. I guess I’m feeling guilty that’s it’s happened so easily for me. How can I tell them in a very sensitive way?
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My advice is don’t tell them it wasn’t planned. When I couldn’t get pregnant and everyone around me was it was most painful when when others got pregnant without even trying. Congratulations to you xxx
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I second that. And possibly tell them quietly, in a situation where they can wander off and have a private vent/cry if they need to. They will likely still be happy for you, yet hurting at the same time.
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Best: Our beautiful nine month old finally started commando crawling (albeit backward).
Worst: My husband missed it as he’s a miner and is away at work.
OMM: The past and how to let it go once and for all.
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Worst: a plague on my house with a very sick 11 month old and therefore no time to work on my business and no time to sleep.
Best: my partner sold his second painting to a local cafe and I purchased two beautiful cushions from my favourite store Hermon and Hermon.
OMM: work, housework and where to find the perfect pair of black winter boots.
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