There is something very calming for me about a Friday. It may be the fact that I love a routine and one of the structures that I love best is the Best and Worst post on a Friday.
It’s Mamamia’s longest running regular post and for me it embodies everything that I love about the Mamamia community – the warmth, the respect, the sharing, the joy and the camaraderie.
If you have never taken part before why not start today? It’s simple. Based on a dinner time ritual at Mia’s house where her family go around the table and nominate the best and worst parts of the day, our post is a virtual replica of just that. Your chance to share your best and worst parts of the week – nothing is too big, too small, to trivial or irrelevant. It’s also your chance to show your compassion and support. Dive right in. It’s fun. And rather cathartic. Me first.
Bests
1) My son settled back into school with ease. Huge smiles every day before school and after. What more could a mother want?
2) I have finished covering books in contact for the whole year
3) I came back from the most wonderful, relaxing holiday and am so excited to be back at work
3) Nicky came back to work. I missed her calming presence and I am so happy to have her back on board
4) Febfast is going really well. Yes, I know it’s only the 3rd of the month. Don’t forget you can gee us on here
Worsts
Have had a number of people around me lose people very close to them. Three deaths in the last week including the senseless murder of my mother’s best friend by an intruder in her home in South Africa. I realise how lucky I am every single day that I live in Australia
On My Mind:
Mamamia’s very own magnificent Bec, her husband Brad, Ava and Georgie. All of them on my mind and surrounded in love, peace and strength. I just know that next week’s best and worst will be a Best and Best when we introduce her new baby to the Mamamia community. I will miss Bec dreadfully while she is on maternity leave, in fact I am thinking of installing a permanent Skype connection so that I don’t miss a moment. Shhhh don’t tell her 
Over to you team! and have a wonderful weekend
Comments
400 Comments so far
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I had my first job interview in 20 years yesterday and although I was rather nervous I totally nailed it and am so excited. I’m only 35 but it was seriously 20 years ago when I went for my first formal interview and ever since then any job I have had since has been either internal (I worked for a large retail group) or through people that already knew me and just needed some extra help/training/consultancy. I’m really excited for a new start and to finally have a life out side of school drop offs and pickups
my only negative to comment on this week is the fact that I know someone who posted something on this site that was grossly exaggerated. This person recieved the shock and sympathy he/she was after but denied anyone the right to query his/her obviously over the top claims. I’ve been part of the mamamia community for a long time now and this person made me angry because it tainted my experience here. A lots of people share their stories on this site including me and the idea of someone fabricating an experience to gain sympathy boiled my bubble.
ok rant over
does any one else have to filter a friend or family members conversations in their head to gather what is truth and what is fiction??
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Yep. I have one old school friend who I finally realised is a pathological liar. (I wouldn’t even know where to start with the lies he told …eg invented an older sister who then died in a plane crash in PNG … even his uni tutors sent flowers to a funeral that never actually took place. Sigh).
And another friend – still in my life – but who really embellishes everything. So I just listen to what she says and halve it in my head! She’s lovely and I figure she needs to tell these exaggerations for some reason, I suppose.
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Don’t they know you don’t have to make up stories to get our sympathy … just post a photo of your dog, your cat, your baby, your cupcakes and you got our undivided attention. Silly person!
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Best: Years ago, when I couldn’t really afford it, I bought an incredibly expensive pair of designer boots with my first proper pay, but by the time summer was over and I could wear them I’d gained so much weight I couldn’t get them past my cankles. Well this week I dug them out of storage, and they fit perfectly! Kind of a silly best, but man I love those boots.
Worst: I overspent wildly in January, which isn’t really a problem financially, but I want to slap myself silly everytime I look around and see something stupid I bought.
OMM: My lease ends in a few months, and I’m weighing up buying a place. Not sure it’s a good move though, personally or financially. As much as everyone says property is a good investment, I know so many people who have actually lost money or barely broken even. Plus I still plan on travelling a lot, perhaps living overseas for a few years. On the other hand I’m sick to death of the hassle of renting.
Oh, and just a heads up to all the bigger breasted women here, the Dita Von Teese lingerie range for Target will have sizes up to 20E.
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Best: Losing 1.3Kg after my first pre-season week of 12WBT
Worst:Feeling low about being alone, am trying so hard to find the positives but am struggling
OMM: reading all the relationship and pregnancy posts here this morning is bringing me back to my worst again
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Congratulations on the weightloss!
And don’t worry, you are soooo not alone in feeling alone. I think there are many of us here who are unhappily single (there are probably just as many happily single). I wish I could make you feel better, but just know you aren’t alone!
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Best: Feeling like I’ve recently entered a positive phase, after months of crying every day. I made some major changes to my work life and cut out some stress, which has made a huge difference. Had my first IVF appointment, so I feel like I’m at least trying to take a bit of control over my future – though I’m all too aware that the notion of control is a total illusion in this case…still, a girl can hope. Now just waiting impatiently for my damn period to start, so I can really get the ball rolling! No doubt it will be even later than usual, just to spite me…
Worst: My uncle is in a hospice, just weeks after being diagnosed with Creutzfeldt-Jacobs disease, and now has a prognosis of just days/weeks to live.
OMM: Watching the way my uncle’s wife of 49 years is looking after him has made me feel completely awed by the way that love and romance can manifest in later years. Makes you really hope that you can survive the inevitable hard times in the middle years of a relationship, to still be there for one another at the end.
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Best #1: The Owner accepted our offer on the house and with our pre-approval and deposit paid, my partner and I basically own our first house!
Being only 24 we are one of the only couples in our group of friends that have done so and I feel so proud.
It was a life goal to own a home by 25
Best #2: The rain in Perth. I missed winter completely last year as I was working in South Korea and now I cant wait for this years. Bring out all my wonderful boots!
Worst: Really cant. On such a high since yesterday when I found out we got our dream house.
OMM: Since I sold my car to work overseas, I am seeing a man about a car this arvo. Same model as my very first car I had when I was 18 (just a few years newer) Really hope he accepts my offer!
OMM: Cant wait to see Bec’s new bundle of joy!
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Congratulations on the house!
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Congratulations on buying a house!! Hope you’ll celebrate tonight with some bubbles (unless you’re doing Febfast and then it’ll have to be non-alcoholic bubbles!)
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Best: its Friday so that means weekend tomorrow! So over being so bored everyday at work.
Worst: just feeling a bit meh lately. Feel like I am stuck in this job and don’t know where to go. And I feel a bit stagnant in my r/s. Husband loves me, tells me that all the time. Comes up behind me and dry humps me (lol idiot) etc. But then we only have sex once a fortnight. I need more- sex for me is about being close to him. This is OMM constantly! I thought when we moved in together it would get better. It didn’t. I then thought when we got married it would get better it seems to have gotten worse. It just upsets me so much that he makes so much time to exercise and work, then either collapses into bed tired (although always after me- and I have gotten myself so worked up now I think it’s to avoid intimacy), or he will get up early and train. I am really upset, and end up making snarky comments to him. I feel like I don’t know how to talk to him about it any more. I also feel like I just can’t initiate any more myself – this is ridiculous but a year or so ago he said he doesn’t like me “asking” for sex, or touching him etc as it just feels like same old, same old. I was so upset and embarrassed (not the first time I have felt/been rejected) I haven’t initiated since. I don’t know how to possibly initiate without going down that track?! I love him, but I am feeling myself disconnect from him. Seems like we don’t talk heaps anymore, and have just fallen into certain roles at home. We even sit on the lounge with phones, computers etc and that is more a focus than each other. I am only young, I’m so scared this will turn into a reality for me for the rest of my marriage. plus it is upsetting to hear my GF talk about telling their partners to back off because they are always up for sex and mine isn’t!
Sorry about huge post, I am just upset and need to get it off my chest (feels like I haven’t really spoken to anyone fully for years about this). It’s a bit ridiculous because it is an otherwise good marriage, and things can so easily change, its just I dont know how to make the first step. The technology thing is easily addressed (I just haven’t lately because I feel a bit defeated at the moment), its the lack of intimacy and feeling of rejection that I am really finding hard to deal with.
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Communication Communication communication! It may be awkward, it may be embarrassing and you may feel rejected. But unfortunately nothing changes in a marriage unless you talk about it. We wish they were but unfortunately men aren’t mine readers you have to spell it out to them,gently of course. I’m sure if he loves you you can come to a compromise, where both of you can be happy in your sexual life.
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Hi Anon,
I just want to thank you for sharing and say your not alone – I’ve been really craving intimacy lately but husband is always coming to bed much later than me or if I wait up he’s too tired/sick. I know sometimes i can be the same but generally if he puts in a bit of time Im always up for it but if i try and make a move and its a no, its a no.
jude is right of course and fingers crossed we can both pick up the courage to have a good talk sooner rather than later. I’m just also not sure what a compromise would involve if they’re only interested occasionally and we’re craving more?
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Hi gj and Jude, thanks for responding!
I’m with you gj- what is a compromise? I have had chats (in a fit of tears or anger mind you) and he simply says its not me, its him as he has a low libido. I just don’t know what to do, it is really upsetting even if there is a reason behind it……Plus I also get the “im sick/sore stomach” thing which makes me feel awful
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*hugs* I know how you feel, a little. My Prince doesn’t really want sex because he’s suffering depression atm, and we’ve had lots of other issues around sex as well (I suffered vaginismus). It’s so hard to talk about, causes such deep pain and ruins a perfectly great marriage!
The one thing I found helpful was going to see a counsellor together. We looked up one that specifically said they could deal with sex – it was hard enough for me to talk about it – I wanted her to be perfectly comfortable!! lol
(look here http://www.theaca.net.au/national_register.php and tick the appropriate areas – for me I wanted someone who specialised in sex therapy and depression and who was a woman, and who I would get a rebate for – and I found the perfect woman 5 mins down the road – awesome!)
Anyway, we were able to talk about stuff, with someone there to help. My Prince just clams up at the thought of confrontation, so it was super helpful to have someone there to help him share, as well as letting me have my say. She could blatantly say (when appropriate of course!) “why don’t you want to have sex with your wife?” and he would be able to answer, whereas if we weren’t there, I’m sure we couldn’t have had that conversation. (There were several times I was able to let loose & yell “it’s not fair/HE doesn’t do this etc etc” where I know I couldn’t do that if we didn’t have the ‘protective factor’ of the counsellor there and I had to worry about his feelings – very freeing for me)
I’m happy to say after a few sessions we had the tools to be able to communicate on our own, and we don’t need to go anymore. We’re both more relaxed & comfortable with our sex lives and a rejection doesn’t hurt now (plus we’re having more sex – hope that’s not TMI!)
Anyway, hope this helps. Good luck!
xxxx
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Best: Surviving my very first Spin Class!! My sister has been trying to bully me into trying spin for ages, for some reason I was always really scared of it. But I did a class with her on Tuesday night and it was actually really good, I’m going again next week! Plus I’ve been really committed to going to the gym in general and I’m feeling much better.
Worst: Hmmm I actually cannot think of a worst – It has been a very average week, and that’s not a bad thing!
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Well howdy MM partners!
SO good to have you back at work this week Lana. I began to gnaw through my own strait jacket without your hands on deck.
Best: I received confirmation of some tremendous and exciting news vaguely related to my job which Mia helped me pull together. All shall be revealed soon!
Worst: I’ve been a grumpy bum all week and have no idea why. Maybe a pigeon looked at me funny? Who knows.
Hope you are all well despite the many tremors of our person lives x
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Looking forward to hearing the news Rick
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I shall be waiting in anticipation of what this fabulous job news will be all about
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Best: Bought a 10 pass at the gym where my friend goes and this morning I did my first class, Body Attack. Amazing cardio. I feel terrific but my calves are starting to ache.
Worst: Blood test results back on Monday which revealed that I am low in iron, low in calcium and I have cytomeglavirus (or CMV). No wonder I have been so so so tired. I thought it was just having two small children. Have to now keep my immune system up so the virus doesn’t hit. Does anyone else have cytomeglavirus who can share their experience?
OMM: Valentine’s Day. I have bit the bullet and booked my husband and I in for dinner. Have asked MIL to come over and babysit (even though the boys will be asleep before we leave). It is high time my husband and I started to make quality time for each other (he works away) otherwise we will just grow further apart.
OMM2: Good luck Bec our friend who is really a stranger but a friend nevertheless. Cannot wait to hear xxxx
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Worst: resigned from my secure high paying job after an unfortunate incident where i couldnt take the flak for my boss. Has left me feeling very insecure and a bit lost….
Best: have joined a recruitment agency and have had 3 great temp assignments so far! Embark on a completely new career path on monday and am very excited!
OMM: my partners complete lack of emotional support. He just doesnt ‘know’ how to be there for me, and pushes me away as soon as I need him. I know he loves me, but i dunno how to get around his emotional blocks!! He just wont communicate!
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I think sometimes men freak out when big things happen in our lives because they think we want them to fix it. But of course we don’t, we just want them to be there for us and love us. Maybe just remind him that you don’t need saving just holding. I’m a big believer in things happen for a reason, so good things will come your way, due to you having to leave your job.
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it all came out last night when i explained all i wanted was him to hold me/distract me/ listen to my tears, and he now understands that, but he just cant cope with me being upset. Ive always been such a strong person, but sometimes i just need someone, and he really isnt there in that aspect.
But im staying positive, and really believe this is a good thing for me! Just a shame that I had to leave my job and ruin some great friendships because I stood up for what I believed in!
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I had the same problem with my boyfriend. It took me having to tell him exactly how I felt and telling him that I needed more support. He said to me that he didn’t understand what I wanted him to do so now he will either just give me a hug, or ask me what I need. Can be annoying sometimes but I just try to remember he is doing his best. I hope it gets better for you xx
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You are so right, anon. Men do freak out when they can not immediately fix things. Someone is going to call us on this and say we are making a sweeping generalisation, but I asked my husband about it once and he agreed that just letting me be upset was difficult.
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Mine tried to reason that women don’t know what they want so it was too hard to help. “You say one thing and then mean the other…. how the hell am I supposed to know” he says…. Sometimes he has a point.
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Happy Friday everyone
Best: the sun is shining and I have a lot to look forward to. Hurray!
Worst: gossip at work – managers passing along personal information about one of the girls as if it is their right (about her recent abortion) so now everyone knows. Lodged a formal complaint today with HR about lack of professionalism..
OMM: the recent MM article about adopting dogs! I adopted my little terrier cross Rusty from the RSPCA back when I was 9 years old and he is still kicking! (I’m 23) I love him to bits. He was mangy and so timid that he would wee if you even looked at him, and now he has had such a happy life. Mum and I adopted another pooch from the Lost Dog’s Home on the weekend, another gorgeous little guy Jimmy! Rescue dogs DO appreciate the love and are so loyal.. here they are together!
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OMG that is awful! That poor girl
Management should really behave a lot better
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good on you for lodging a complaint!!
your dogs are adorable
i have two rescue kittens and they suprisingly really loving (i didn’t expect it when we first got them as one was so timid). all they need is a bit of love 
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Wow. I am actually a little bit shocked that some people in management would do that. Oh and your dogs, nawww! Jimmy & Rusty are adorable!
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Oh my goodness I still can’t believe people gossip and share such personal things. I remember my manager went and told everyone I was pregnant when I was only 10 weeks. I was always too scared to file a complaint. Good on you for doing something.
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Best: counting sleeps to our honeymoon driving around the South Island of NZ next week (7 sleeps). Can the lovely MM community give me some must sees, eats, dos? We have accom booked only in Lake Tekapo and Queenstown and are winging the rest.
Any suggestions gratefully received!
Worst: waiting for test results for my Step Dad. Minis health has not been good and there was “something” on his X-ray the other day. More tests yesterday and today. Please don’t let it be anything serious.
OMM: not much really. Cooking curries today for family dinner tonight and Nougat Semifreddo nestled securely in the freezer, yum!
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Queenstown is my favourite place in the world! So much to see and do there. Depends what you like – if you’re into a bit of an adrenaline rush, the Shotover Jet is great. It’s also worth going up the gondola that runs up the side of the mountain – stunning views from up there! There are so many great restaurants and bars tucked away around the town, too – I especially love The Cow (I don’t think they take reservations, so get in early). Have fun
xx
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I totally have to agree with Nat, Queenstown is one of my favourite places! Definitely try the Shotover Jet! So thrilling, but SOOO cold on your face! Although I did go in Winter, but still, it can be quite chilling going through all the wind so fast. So bring a beanie and a scarf if you can! And make sure you have a great walk around town and through the forest-y stuff around the edges, it is just lovely and beautiful. Have fun!!
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I was going to say The Cow too!
The original communal restaurant!! Meet the great people there. Everyone is on holidays so up for a chat!
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WANAKA WANAKA WANAKA!!! (Sorry Nat and thatgirlFiona) we went to a wedding there and loved Wanaka way more than Queenstown. There is less to do but it is so so beautiful, you can get a flight up to the nearby glaciers etc. There is also Puzzling World which is kinda daggy but also kinda fun too. (and there is buried treasure!)
I’d also head to Christchurch and Littleton if you can, they need every dollar they can get from travellers and there are still gems there to be found
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Queenstown will always be my soulmate but I also love Wanaka! (and Puzzling World is awesome…
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Thank you all lovely ladies. I will make a list!. Wish it was 7 weeks, but 7 sleeps til we go, for 2 weeks. We have been before, but on a cruise, so didn’t get to see much. Can’t wait to go back to Akaroa to spend more time there, but seems to be very expensive on weekends so will need to time that one for a mid week visit.
Thanks for your tips.
PS – puzzle world sounds like something my husband would love tee hee….
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I agree with pt. Wanaka is beautiful, quieter and less commercial than Queenstown. A special place.
My husband and I drove around the Sth Island for our honeymoon too!
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I just got back from a 9 day driving tour of the South of South Island. So jealous you get to spend 7 weeks doing it.
In Queenstown you have to get a burger from Fergburger! Amazing. Also if you are a bit of an adrenaline junky do you the Shotover Canyon Swing. It was amazing. We did it as a combo with the Shotover Jetboat and had an awesome. We also went up to the Onsen Hot Pool in Queenstown and it was beautiful and very romantic.
Lake Tekapo is a must. Eat at the Japanese restaurant. Brilliant food. I would also suggest the Glow Worm Caves at Te Anau and the Speights Brewery Tour in Dunedin. Mouraki Boulders were awesome and everyone was talking about restaurant called Fleur’s need Mouraki which I didn’t get to but wish I had.
One place I absolutely loved was Akaroa. We went swimming with the dolphins there and loved it. It is a little French village which is so pretty and we had the best meal of our trip at a restaurant called The Little Bistro.
Oamaru looked beautiful. I wished we had stayed there. We just drove through and stopped at the Whitestone Cheese Factory for cheese (which was amazing) but next time we will stay a few days there for sure.
Enjoy your trip!
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Botswana Butchery, a restaurant in Queenstown (and I think there’s one in Wanaka as well) is amazing. I still fantasise about the slow roasted lamb shoulder I had there, even though I’m a vegan now! Haha.
Definitely recommend if you are meat eaters! It’s a gorgeous place as well. All beautiful, local and delivious produce.
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Best: Getting back into a good exercise routine. I reaaaally fell off the wagon for awhile there. Holidays and workouts just don’t go together.
Worst: One of my best friends had her 21st on Saturday night at Club E11even in Paddington and it was a horrible night, ruined by the club and the way they treated her. They were half an hour late to let us all in to the function room in the first place, then assured her that she would have an exclusive space until at least midnight – and if they had to open it any earlier they would definitely warn her and her parents. That wasn’t the case – at 11pm they opened it up to the general public without warning anyone, letting at least 50 people in to drink her bar tab and eat her catered food. When she went to find out what had happened, the events manager had conveniently disappeared and the other people running the club essentially told her to bugger off because “it’s always salsa night down here at 11pm on Saturday nights.” We ended up having to leave and go somewhere else because the place was so packed and my friend was so upset.
It was supposed to be such a good night and ended up being such a waste of her money and effort. I can’t believe how badly and unprofessionally she was treated by the club, either. At least she put her chin up and carried on having a good night somewhere else.
OMM: Several more hours added into each day would not be unwelcome right now.
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I hope that she has put in a complaint! That is horrendous. Thanks for the warning – I won’t be going there anytime soon.
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File a complaint with Dep of Fair Trading! Dont let them get away with it
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Thanks Anon, we are going to look into it!
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That is ridiculous! She should file a MASSIVE complaint! How rude!!
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Best: New baby in the family, my stepsister had her 4th child on Wed night. newborns are so cute.
Worst: Having some health issues and doctor has referred me for a colonoscopy. Have heard some horror stories so I am waiting for other tests to come back before I book in for it.
OMM: Feeling like a mushroom at work. New boss started and does not communicate so we find out things through other avenues which is so wrong. Hoping it gets better soon.
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I’ve had it done before, and now have to go again for colonoscopy and gastroscopy. Only bad thing about colonoscopy is the stuff you have to drink to “clear” your body out. Otherwise you are asleep and don’t feel a thing, so you really shouldn’t worry about it at all! I know in my experience there was no pain, complications etc, so I hope the same goes for you!
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Make the colon prep solution you have to drink icy cold and you can eat peppermints while you drink it. It’s still not wonderful but these two things can help.
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Congrats on the new family member. Colonoscopy is not that bad, you wont even feel a thing but the day before is not great. My tip? ask the doctor for the epsom salt tablets rather than the liquid
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Def ask for the tablets, they’re called colcaps. They can be a bit hard to find but Chemist Warehouse often have them. You’ll have to take about 60 over a few hours but they’re a LOT better than any of the liquid preps.
Good luck!!
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Best: Wonderful boyfriend has been planning a surprise weekend for about three months for my birthday (5th Feb)/our 2 year anniversary (6th Feb). The weekend has FINALLY arrived and I can’t wait to find out what’s in store! All I know so far is that a driver is picking us up at 2pm tomorrow… I’ll report back next Friday!
Best no.2: I got accepted into my masters in teaching (early childhood/early primary) and am just beyond excited. Have been working in a totally different industry for the past few years, related to my undergrad degree, and after trying out a few different jobs, I decided with much certainty that it wasn’t for me. I can’t wait to hang out with little people every day and play a small part in making their day a good one. Also, weirdly, I’m actually really excited about the studying part and not just viewing it as a means to an end – so I think that’s a good sign! I know the next few years will be rather cash strapped, but I know it will all be worth it when I finally look forward to going to work. (And thank goodness for the support – emotional and financial – of my lovely boyfriend!)
Worst: Sick of feeling anxious and feeling like it’s stopping me doing things I want to. Trying to fill my head with positive, strong thoughts and just breathe. Not great at talking about it, with anyone, not even my GP which is beyond frustrating, but I know, eventually, I need to talk to someone about how to overcome it. One un-fun aspect of my world at the moment, which is otherwise filled with the most amazing people and things.
OMM – Can’t believe how much I love our puppy, Joanie. Had to share a photo below to make everyone smile. She brings so much joy to our little house. Scares me to think how overwhelming the love for children must be! I’m sure I’ll find out soon enough.
Much love to everyone xxx
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Haha, what an adorable dog!
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That photo just put a massive smile on my face! Thanks for sharing, she’s gorgeous!
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She is gorgeous, and was having a particularly big yawn when I took this!
So glad she put a smile on your face.
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Georgie,
I hear you re: the anxiety. I went through a really bad patch last year, and really thought I was losing my mind. Just know that you are not alone (SO many people experience it, but just don’t talk about it), and that it will get better.
I left it way too long before getting help, and that made it so much worse. It became a self perpetuating cycle of ‘I’m anxious about feeling anxious’, and I just couldn’t escape it.
I got to breaking point and finally organised to go and see a counselor, and it made such a difference. I learnt so much about myself, and about WHY I was feeling anxious. When you work out why, you can start taking steps to managing it.
It is very much within your control, it’s just a matter of getting help and working out the methods that work for you.
I also found reading ‘The Happiness Trap’ a huge help. And I’m starting yoga on Monday night because I’ve heard that’s great for anxiety too.
Good luck – and again, you’re not alone
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Thank you so much for your lovely words Sally – it means so much to hear your story and to be reminded that I’m not the only one that feels like this. My rational mind knows that’s true, but as you probably know, the irrational side of my mind just loves to take over lately!
You read my mind – I can’t actually pinpoint anything I feel anxious about. It has become, as you said, anxious about feeling anxious. My mind becomes consumed with thoughts about why I feel like this, why can’t I overpower the negative thoughts, why can’t I talk to anyone, even my family, which is so frustrating because I’m so close to them. I feel like if I dont’ talk about it, I wont’ get upset and maybe, just maybe, it will go away, which I know it won’t. Wow, big vent! Feels nice just to write it down actually.
I will definitely track down that book and get back into yoga (used to love it). Thanks again Sally, really means a lot to hear about someone who has been through something similar and clearly, come out the other side with a greater understanding of who they are. Hope I can do the same.
A few questions – do you find that you still experience feelings of anxiety, but just know how to better manage/handle them? Or have you found that those feelings have completely disappeared? Also, how long did you see your counsellor for? Did you get referred to one through your GP? I don’t even know where to start! Sorry for all the questions, feel free to answer any/none/all!
x
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Hi Georgie – not answering for Sally but I thought you might like to look at this website from home. My son has found it helpful with his anxiety.
http://www.anxietyhelp.com.au/index.html
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You’re so welcome, Georgie
Glad to help in some small way. Great to see others responding too – evidence of the fact that anxiety impacts so many people!
In answer to your questions:
* No, I am definitely not cured of anxiety. I wish! But I never will be “cured” per se. What I am able to do now is manage my anxiety (and the terrible panic attacks that came with it). Now whenever I feel the anxiety coming, I recognise what it is and I have techniques (learnt via a combination of counselling and ‘The Happiness Trap’) that allow me to remain in control (most of the time). What I found is that as I felt more and more able to control the anxiety, I became less afraid of it, and – as a consequence – I began to feel anxious less and less frequently. Now I can go days without feeling anxious at all – and that is wonderful! I could write about it for hours, but – long story short – seeing my counsellor enabled me to see my life in a totally different light. I was under a huge amount of stress, but in complete denial about the fact that I wasn’t coping. The way my counsellor explained it was that the anxiety and the panic attacks were essentially my body’s way of saying, ‘Hey, I’m really stressed, and you’re treating me like crap, and you’re not listening to me, so I’m going to start making you feel like this until you pay attention!’ Essentially, I’d been living my life in a heightened state of stress that just wasn’t sustainable, and I hit a wall and the anxiety grabbed me and sucked me in, and suddenly I was anxious all the time. It made absolutely no sense, so not only did I feel anxious, but also stupid for feeling anxious. It was completely horrible. I was the same as you – for a long time, I ignored it, told nobody, and hoped that it would go away. Instead, it got much, much worse. The turning point was when my boyfriend found me in the midst of an awful panic attack, and I had to explain what was wrong. Telling him was the turning point for me. Immediately, I felt better. He reassured me that I wasn’t crazy, and that we would get help for me together. And he was upset that I hadn’t told him sooner! Then I told my Mum, then my sister, then my best friend. And each time I told somebody it was like more and more of the burden I’d been carrying was lifted. The people who love you will WANT to help you, Georgie. They will want to know. So, please, please tell somebody. A problem shared really is a problem halved. And admitting that you are not well is the start of getting better. If you had the flu, or a sore back, or migraines, you would tell the people around you. Anxiety is an illness – it’s exactly the same thing, though unfortunately like all types of mental illness it has this ridiculous stigma attached to it. But, there’s no need to be embarrassed. Still, whilst telling the people around me was the start of getting better, I knew I still needed professional help, but didn’t really know where to start…
* First of all, I went and saw my GP. And she was totally useless. I told her my story, cried, begged for help, and then she literally said to me, ‘Hmmm, and how do you think I can help you?’ I was dumbfounded!! She then suggested that she prescribe a course of Valium straight off the bat. I was reluctant to go onto medication, and asked about counselling. She agreed that that was a great idea – still not sure why she didn’t suggest it in the first place! Not sure where you live, but there’s a scheme in Victoria whereby you can to do a mental health assessment with your GP, and then you get 10 couselling sessions for a discounted rate. This was going to be an incredibly drawn out process (I was going to have to come back for another appt to do the assessment, then they had to process it, so I was looking at weeks until I’d actually get to see a counsellor). Luckily I was able to afford counselling at full price (my sessions were $100 each, the discounted sessions would have been about $70), so I chose to bypass the GP and organise counselling myself. I was at breaking point by then, so that was the best option for me. So, I would say, yes, see your GP – but don’t be disheartened if you don’t find them overly helpful. Mental health is still so misunderstood and I think the tendency is often just to prescribe medication. For some people, medication is the only option (and that is totally fine) – but for somebody like me, counselling has been enough and it would have been a mistake to take something like Valium (which has a whole lot of nasty side effects) before trying counselling first.
* I saw my counsellor, Laura, for 8 sessions – first of all weekly, then fortnightly. It was AMAZING – I learnt so much about myself, and she just got what I was going through. I was treated with a mix of cognitive behavioural therapy and ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy – covered in ‘The Happiness Trap’). The latter was what really worked for me, but different methods work for different people. By the end of my 8th session, I felt strong again – not cured, but strong enough to ensure that anxiety won’t control me or my life. And it is such a relief. And I know that if I ever get to the point where I begin to lose the battle again, she is always there if I need her.
All in all, it was truly the hardest 6 months of my life and it continues to impact me every day, but – amazingly enough – I am glad it happened. Essentially, the anxiety and the panic attacks forced me to reassess how I was living my life, and how I was treating myself. Nowadays, I am much more mindful, and much nicer to myself. That has made all the difference.
The other big lesson was that it is so important to reach out for help when you need it. I am so much more open, so much more connected to the people around me, and that has been an amazing change in my life. Like I said before, the people in your life love you and will want to help you. But they can’t read your mind, so you need to reach out. Taking that first step is really hard, but so worth it. If I could do it, you can too!
Hope this has been of some help. Again, if you have any further questions, please feel free to ask
Look after yourself, Georgie. I hope you feel at peace again soon.
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Hi Georgie87 I suffered bad anxiety for quite a few years and I also definitely recommend seeing a psychologist/counsellor about it and talking to your doctor about other possible treatments as well. I’ve found a combination of group therapy and medication to boost seratonin levels most effective. There are also some really good group therapy programs around and online forums. You’re definitely not alone. I know it’s really hard to talk to other people about anxiety; I still find it extremely awkward and difficult, but it’s worth trying to get past that because it helps to get things off your chest and there is support and treatment around. Good luck
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Best: I started seeing a new guy a month or so ago, and guess what? I had my first orgasm. I was getting quite worried as it had never happened before and I thought that perhaps something was wrong. I’m so glad I’ve met someone like him.. He’s fantastic. Feeling a bit smitten! Also, we made things serious not long ago
Happy news this week!
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Who has sex that early? Bit too soon?
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Dont be so judgemental Anonymous.
Different times are right for different people. I slept with a rather cute boy the first time I met him. We’ve been together 8 years and married now.
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I think judging others is ugly.
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Agree! I also slept with a cute boy on the first night I met him. (Had never done that before) 11 years ago, we have been married for 8 and have 2 lovely children.
And besides, seeing someone for a month before sleeping with them hardly qualifies as ‘having sex early’.
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Pfft judgy wudgy was a bear!
Who says that a month is too early to sleep with someone? In the past I’ve slept with a guy on the first night we met, so what? Also in this context I think it was perfect timing seeing as she had her first orgasm EVER! Who cares how long she was seeing the guy before this happened? Monumental.
CONGRATS ANON THIS TIME
!!!
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Methinks Anonymous is a troll.
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Methinks Anonymous needs an orgasm
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Methinks you need a gold star for that comment
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Really? Wow, I was a bit naughty and it was date number three for me. We’ve been together 10 years so no regrets!
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Are you kidding!? What business isit of yours to unsolicitedly decide if someone you dont know and have never met has had sex in a new relationship too soon? She didnt even ask for an opinion on the length of time!
Congrats on the big O, generally a sign you must feel totally and relaxed with this person! How good.
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WOOOHOOOO! Gotta love an orgasm
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Haha, everyone my age has sex pretty early on. Also, it wasn’t sex. So there ya go! Thanks for the snarky remark.. not that it was really your place haha
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everyone your age doesn’t actually
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Well of course I’m not speaking for everyone, that’s silly. I have plenty of friends still virgins. But the ones who are sexually active often do. Also, you don’t know how old I am. And ALSO, lol, what is even wrong with having sex? Should I be ashamed I am sharing a connection with someone I actually care about?
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No way, nothing wrong with it! Enjoy – and I’m jealous!!
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Wow – why not just let the girl have her Big O sharing moment! Couldn’t think of a better ‘best’.
Anonymous – why not try and keep this post as the amazing, friendly and supportive place that it is?
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Cheer up Charlie
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I’m getting really confused with all the anonymous. I’m getting very nauseous about all the judgmentalness (sp?)
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Thats awesome! Gotta love a good orgasm
Congratulations on having that smitten feeling, i think i have forgotten what that feels like!
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I think that’s the best BEST I’ve ever read!!
Lucky you! Nothing better
x
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Best: My youngest son has started high school and he is loving it. Loves the different subjects and as he is an organised kid he is loving everything about it.
I finally have 2 kids at the same school again – woo too!
Worst: weird to think after taking my kids to primary schools for over 17 years my baby days have ended.
My friend’s Dad’s cancer has returned, I am praying it can be treated again.
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Worst: I am still unemployed after looking for work for the past four months. I am so sick of completing job applications, jumping through hoops, trying to sound upbeat when answering the same stupid questions at interviews and then being turned down anyway. Along with this the constant rainy weather is really getting me down.
Best: my lovely partner is a constant support and is encouraging me to try and enjoy the down time – sure the right job will come along eventually. Now if only the sun would come out – I’m sure my mood would improve as well!
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Worst: my husband came home from work unexpectedly due to a cyclone evac, so we got 5 days together on his boss’s time, however, rather than just enjoy the special time together we ended up having 3 major discussions about my lack of libido. I just don’t have any, he has LOTS and it’s putting all sorts of thoughts into his head: I don’t love him, I’m seeing someone else and on and on it goes. I can’t see a way out of it. My main hope these day is that early pregnancy has killed off the last bits, because:
Best: I found out last Friday that I’m pregnant again!! YAY only by a few weeks, so we’re keeping it somewhat quiet, but some people have to know, like my inlaws who often feed me and my parents who are buying tickets to come out and help me from Europe when the baby is due
OMM: Any MM’ers who know about the connection between pregnancy and libido?
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It is compleltely normal to not feel up for it in the frist trimester! In between morning sickness, fatigue and headaches, its hard to talk yourself into a XXX throwdown.
My urge returned bigger and better than ever in the second trimester… hopefully your husband can be patient
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Thanks so much for your reply. I’m not at the yucky stage yet but worn out by a toddler as it is. Just puzzled that even though I try and we get going I just feel nothing. Hoping it’s my body saying “no need for this, you’re up the duff already”. Thanks for your reassurance!!!
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I think it’s completely natural and makes biological sense that libido can decreasw during pregnancy. I am 36 weeks along; un-pregnant, I am possibly the randiest person I know, but knocked up, i’ve got nothin’. My partner is fantastic and totally understanding, but I feel terrible about it. I hope like crazy I go back to normal after the baby comes, because I’m pretty sick of feeling completely asexual!
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Best – Having my 7yr old ring me while having a sleep over at Nanna’s to tell me he loved me and missed me. The tone in his voice that told me he just needed to hear his mama to relax and enjoy his visit.
Worst – The imminent return of routine as school goes back on Monday
OMM – How truly blessed I am, a hubby who loves me and four gorgeous healthy kids running a muck through the house
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Best: Just a good all round week, exercising lots, eating really well and it’s Friday. Weekend ahead is looking good – sun is set to shine and I’m catching up with friends, planning some “me” time to do some reading and spending some quality time with my husband.
Worse: Cranky husband earlier this week.
OMM: IVF number 4. Going in for an egg pick up on Monday. Looks like only 3 follicles but they look good (apparently!). Everything crossed that I get some good eggs, they fertilise and I get to transfer – which then means a looong two weeks but at the moment – one step at a time.
OMM 2: Bec’s baby next week. Have been a huge fan of Bec since I read her first book many years ago and over the years have followed her story since (helps that I’m a brissie girl). So looking forward to hearing some wonderful, happy news from the mamamia team next week
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Sending good egg vibes to you, Gypsy x
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Oh so good to hear about your cycle. Sending you sticky baby dust. Have been thinking of you.
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Good luck xx
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Worst – hubby is away for work this week. Only five days but I’m struggling. I don’t know how single parents do this full time. I’m exhausted.
Best – my baby turned one! She made it despite Miss 2′s best efforts!
OMM – Do we want to have another child or is our family complete? We have decided to postpone this decision until the little one turns 2 but I can’t stop going over it in my mind. How do people know when they are ‘done’?
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I always wanted two. Then our second pregnancy was twins, so I got used to three. Then one died, so we were back to two but still asked, three? After flipfloping on the topic for a year, we tried for a third – and had twins again!
Four is enough! You just KNOW. LOL.
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Wow! That is amazing.
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Three is definitely my top number! Just not sure if I really want to go there again. Pregnancy, labour stitches! Bleugh!
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When the sleep returns along with the sparkle in your husband’s eye, beware!
That is all.
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Such a sweet story!
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That is amazing An Ideal Dad…..you sound like you have alot of experience in the dad dept!
Sara, we have two and are trying for a third at the moment. We did consider stopping, our youngest is two and still doesnt sleep through the night. I have started working a bit, and loving pilates/ wine with my bff’s so alot will have to stop soon and again the lack of sleep and juggling my other children, the housework, hubby, seeing friends & family etc…..but I simply do not feel “done” and cant wait to be pregnant
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On the home page the best & worst intro stops with ‘It may be the fact that I love a routine…’. My immediate thought was, Yay! Lana has done B&W this week! So great that Lana, and others at MM, reveal parts of their fabulous selves, so that one line is all it takes to recognise the writer! Have been a reader since the beginning, & seen the MM site through all it’s changes. Really loving where it is at xxx
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Thanks Molly M
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Worst: ….Help!…in May 2010 on the way to work (no workers comp like this NT) I hit and killed an Aboriginal man whose body came thru windscreen. I have stuffed discs in my back, broke bones all thru my face, had an aneurysm in my brain coiled etc etc. The TIO insurance company up here are very hard to defeat to get compensation. Does anyone know of a company (preferably pro bono) that would help with up here? (Many won’t touch NT)..I am working 7 day weeks to get on top and not lose my property…I seem cursed as something breaks every 3-5 days…it is depressing, but I figure if life throws you lemons, you make lemonade! (I have very big stocks of lemonade!)…I don’t know how long the aneurysm coiling will last, I would like to live a little before death (I’m 52)…Thanks for letting me vent!
Best: …I”m still alive!…
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……..Um?
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We have TAC in Victoria, i think we pay a TAC premium as part of our annual registration. I had a friend in a car accident recenlty and TAC has paid all her medical expenses physio osteo etc. Not sure if TAC is Aus wide or if you have something similar?
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How’s the person you hit?
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Dead.
But, I’m guessing you are being sarcastic?
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it appears hes dead “…hit and killed…”
So i doubt hes fine and dandy at the moment unfortunately…
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I think she said that he was killed…
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Sorry, missed that.
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Totally understandable to miss it – the story wasnt exactly easy to follow lol
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BEST: great family holiday with kids and boyfriend. Had a few hiccups, but staff amazing. Adelaide Shores if anyone’s interested, and needs accomm in SA. Cant reccommend enough.
WORST: nothing really. School hols end today
OMM: how to do an extra 10 hrs a week at work without impacting committments I made to the kids, and being there for them like I want to be. Spoke with my dad last night about it, lots of emotion on this comes from my childhood and him being a sole dad working FT 20 yrs ago … Really not sure what to do…
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Ok, I’m going to start with worst….
Worst: Mr W & I nearly broke up this week. On Sunday, we had a huge discussion about the problems in our relationship, which involve major communications issues, in short. I went to a friends house for the rest of the day, then slept in the spare room on Sunday night, then went and stayed with a friend on Monday. He called me at 8am on Tuesday saying he wanted to meet for lunch and wanted us to try and move forward and sort things out.
I still feel abit uneasy about it though, because, whenever we have had major fights before, I am always the one being dramatic and suggesting we break up, and he is always the one fighting for the relationship.
When he said that he wasn’t sure what we should do and that he needed abit of time to think about it, I kind of went into shock a bit because he has never said that before. We talked about it abit last night and he said that obviously he loves me and he wants us to work things out, but if the problems in our relationship can’t be worked out then at least we can say we have tried if we go our separate ways. Even him saying that, as logical as it sounds, completely freaks me out!
Best: Having this come to a head made me realise after input from Mr W, an old friend (who has re-appeared in my life in the last month, obviously not a co-incidence, I think she has come back into my life for a reason) and my Mum that I have become hopelessly anti-social since my best friend moved overseas in February last year and it is affecting everything. I’m going to make a decent effort to be more social both with Mr W and on my own, starting with drinks with a friend tonight!
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So good to hear from you! At least Mr W is being logical and honest. You’ll get through this, either way. Time with friends will help you a lot. Thinking of you xx
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I am not sure if this would be suitable to your current situation, but my husband and I went through a ‘meh’ patch about 12-18months ago, and eventually he agreed to see a counsellor with me.
It 100% helped us save our relationship. We are stronger than ever before, i highly recommend seeking help. Like our counsellor said, its better to do it now, rather than when it has gotten past the point of repair.
all the best xx
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Im really glad to see that if nothing else, you both have some clarity. Plus brutal honesty beats vague distance any day. The fact that he wanted to sort it out really shows that he doesnt think its the end, and obviously doesnt want it to be – but id say this is his version of being ‘realistic’.
Unfortunately I use the same logic when having serious issues with my boyfriend, but i dont think he loves you any less for saying it
Hope it all settles down for you, and that your social outings are wonderful!
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Good luck, I hope things work for you!!
And I totally agree about the getting out more with partner or just friends- I think it really makes a difference to get a change of scenery (even if it is just a drinks menu lol) so things aren’t always same old, same old. Hence my new almost obsession like love of Friday night drinks!
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Yep much like you, I’m the emotional one getting upset over things which I shouldn’t and there’s husband being all logical as usual….it makes you stop and think though and reassess the way you think. At least it does for me.
Glad you’re doing well and yes go out and be social
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Best: Just got a part-time job teaching instrumental music in a private music school. Not quite my old job (and being the US vs Aust, not even close to the pay!) but after a rough week last week into this, having a few realisations, I am extremely happy to be teaching again.
Worst: Only a half-hearted worst – we are having a CRAZY winter here in midwest US, the last few days it has been warmer than a Perth winter, and that’s saying something! But I like snow, and we’ve had a bit here and there and one decent fall, but come on, I’m in a snow region, and I want to see snow before I’ll never see it for the rest of my life!! (Cinnamon, I think we may have complained about the same thing last week.
).
OMM: I have started to take off the rose-coloured glasses. I am a musician, and while my husband is studying here I am lapping up the chance to play in ensembles and practise my butt off. I thought it was my second shot to become a performer (1st being the bachelor degree at home). But it has taken me six months to figure out that I was searching for something I’d already found. I love to play, but I will never be a professional performer. I’d already found my niche, and that’s teaching. Hence, why I’m happy to have my new job!
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Congratulations on your new job!
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Haha Rach, did you ever think you would be complaining about not having enough snow? My husband thinks I’m crazy because I keep wanting it to snow and he says why? you didn’t grow up with it – but that’s the whole point! It was 12degrees here the other day…12! I was so excited to be able to go out without my big puffy jacket lol, funny how I think 12 degrees is so warm haha. Let’s see how the rest of this month pans out…I have a feeling next year’s winter will be a doozy!
Congrats on your job, I hear ya with the pay here vs Oz, but at least you’re doing something that you enjoy
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Ladies- winter is here to stay! I am sure you both heard that Phil saw his shadow so another 12 weeks of winter is install!
Fingers crossed as all my friends who work in the skiing industry def want more snow too!
You can never complain about too much snow in my opinion and stocked that Japan has hit the 10m mark!
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I did hear that – and I have no idea what it means!
Cinnamon, I went to school today in a 3/4 cardigan!! I left the jacket in the car. If it was 12°C at home, I’d be complaining bitterly, but I think it’s a different kind of cold.
Could be worse, could be the stretch of 40°C they had back home last week… :0
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Hang on – did you say 10 METRES??
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I’m very excited for next week to hear about Bec’s baby!
Best: Again with the amazing friends. I have so much love for them all. Unfortunately that’s all for this week, again.
Worst: This should be the prime of my life and nothing seems to be working out for me. I’m still struggling to find employment. I’m still sad all the time and I still miss him all the time. Everyone keeps saying to me “he’s not the one” and I know they all mean well, but I still genuinely believe that he is. I’m not delusional. I just love him and believe we will someday work this out. I just know it won’t be any time soon.
OMM: I used to love reading Cosmo. Now I don’t any more. I’ve been an avid reader for the last 5 years. The first two years, I was happily single, so I found the articles a bit of fun. The next three years, I was happily taken, so I loved reading about ideas to “spice things up” and we used to do them often. Now, unhappily single, I’m finding that Cosmo isn’t very uplifting. If it’s a magazine made for me, why is it all about him? Reading it as a single lady is not empowering, in fact, I’ve bawled my eyes out when my last 2 issues have arrived, because the content makes me upset. I resubscribed a month before he left and I wish I could go back in time and not because I don’t think I can take another year of this.
http://moniquefischle.wordpress.com/
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Hey Monique, have been wondering how you have been going. Hope that soon there will be more bests for you to celebrate but having amazing friends is a big one. Hang in there.
Re your OMM – maybe you’ve outgrown Cosmo? If you are a bit of a magazine chick maybe you could upgrade to something like Madison?
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I really hope there are more bests soon, but I’m still very blessed to have the friends and family that I do have. I don’t think that I’ve outgrown Cosmo, I’ve just realised that it’s all about men. There are some articles that I still enjoy, I just hate that there are so many revolving around him!
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I was just going to say the same thing, Madison is better.
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Why don’t you donate the magazines to a doctor’s office? I don’t recommend a therapist’s office, but surely everyone would appreciate not reading the same issue of WHO from 1995 at the doctor!
I don’t recommend switching to a different magazine, but you know my views on magazines.
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I’ve considered it. And yes, I know your views on magazines. I’m starting to think the same. Except I still love celebrity gossip magazines, I always feel better about myself after reading them! Haha
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Hi Monique,
I thought I would drop you a line as I often see your comments on here. In no means do I think what I am about to say is ‘correct’, or right for you as everyone handles things differently- especially heartbreak. When I was in my early 20′s (I’m now 28) I was a bit lost. I had just finished uni and was working in a shit job with shit pay whilst I put in extra hours to try and climb the bloody corporate ladder. I was seeing this guy for quite a while and I really thought at the tender age of 21, we would be together forever. He did not. He was 22 and wanted to drink beer, go crazy and sleep with lots of women. (fair enough, at least he was honest). At the time I was devestated. Everything seemed to be shit, because (for most people) things are shit at this age. I plugged away at work, lived in crappy share houses, was dirt poor and saw lots of friends get engaged and move forward in their lives far quicker than I was. I was seriously still hung up on this guy and was having trouble moving on. Anyway, eventually things started to get better at work, my hard work paid off and now I have a great job that I love and pays well. At 24 I had a year of ‘yes’. I said yes to everything (within reason). I went to parties with friends where I knew I would know only 1 other person, I travelled, I did all kinds of crazy things that put me out of my comfort zone- one of which was go on a date with a guy who asked for my number at a bar. 2 years later we got engaged and are now married. I dont mean to sound like my life is fantastic blah, blah, blah (it can be bloody shithouse at times!) but overall, I am sooo happy and I know it is because I put in the hard work when I was younger and was patient. If you need to feel shit about your relationship, go right ahead, because one day you wont. One day you will look back and say ‘thank god my life didnt go that way, because if it did, I wouldn’t be where I am today’. At the moment it is fine to feel like there is no one else out there, but one day there will be. Use this time to focus on yourself and do all the things you want to do that are so much easier as a single person. Unfortunatelly, It is up to you to take charge and make the most out of a shitty situation. You seem really nice and I wish you all the best
Sorry about the really long message!
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I know that message was not directed at me but i felt like it was!!!! Well actually i feel like my life is just like yours! Except my “Yes” year was last year (when i was 25) and i’m still waiting for the relationship to come along. But hearing that everything has worked out so well for you gives me hope for myself.
And i hope this gives you some positive things to think about too Monique, as you truly deserve happiness in any way shape or form
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Thanks!
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What a great personal life story. I’ve done the “yes to everything” (except illegal and immoral stuff) strategy and it is really good for shifting you out of the blues. Getting over the end of my marriage, I took my kids, hired a 4WD, drove to the outback as in the Simpson Desert and NT, camped on cattle stations for a couple of weeks and came home. It was totally absorbing and being in the quiet desert helps you think peacefully and clearly. My kids got a bit of an education too. Win/win. You gotta try it Monique. It can really help you get through when other things don’t help xo
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Me and my friends have spoken about getting away because we all need to escape from our current situations.
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Thanks Anonymous! I’m so glad everything has worked out well for you! I know I need to take charge and make the most out of this, but for right now, I’m not feeling strong enough just yet.
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My tenth dating anniversary of my wife is today, Monique. My anniversary of meeting her for the very, very first time was today ten years ago plus five days.
If I go back ten years and SIX days, I was pining for girls who weren’t interested, had dated the wrong ones and probably, if asked, would have despared ever meeting the right person.
Her first words to me where “You’re doing that all wrong”. I just knew.
You will too, I’m sure.
(Errrr, you probably hate these kind of stories, ten years and six days ago, I probably did too)
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were, not where Oh the shame.
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Thank you and happy anniversary!!! I don’t hate these stories, they make me smile and make me believe in love again. I know things will get better and that I’ll meet “the One”, but I’ve already met him, he’s just having a mid-life crisis at 25.
(And yes, I realise that is almost certainly unhealthy)
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Yeah, I wouldn’t hold my breath on him!
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Oh Monique….if he was the one, I don’t think he would have cheated on you
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He made a mistake.
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I’m sorry but you have to stop makin excuses for him….he cheated and he didnt want to try work things out in your relationship. You’re way too good for him and you’re going to find someone worthy of you someday. Don’t settle.
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I know. (If it wasn’t obvious) I’m just having a hard time letting this go. I know I deserve better, but unfortunately love doesn’t have standards
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Hi Monique, I’ve been following your updates of late and I just wanted to say I’m thinking of you.
I wish I had a magic wand so I could take your pain away. I don’t have any new words of wisdom or insight for you – only be kind to yourself and surround yourself with positive people. It sounds like you’ve got some amazing friends supporting you through this … And you will get through this, it’ll just take time.
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Thank you Peach. It’s really nice to have people care!
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I scrolled through two pages of B&Ws to find you just to see how you were going
Aren’t online communities funny? I’m following a girl week to week, caring about her progress.
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Aren’t you just the sweetest! I’m hanging in there, barely, but still hanging. I still just miss him all the time, it’s constant and it’s just not changing.
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Worst: Was made redundant at work
Best: Was made redundant at work
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Love this! I know EXACTLY how you feel!
x
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I was made redundant and despite the fear of the unknown I am so relieved to finish with my teaching job after so many years.The trouble is I am in my early 50′s and I think there is ageism out there.I’m trying to find a new career path like being a P.A. Has anyone here left teaching and what are you doing now?
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Best: my twin girls sailed past the two-week mark, feeding like troopers, after a bit of a scare involving the special care nursery in their first week.
Worst: my older two returned to school amid much fuss from family about being Big Year 3 and Year 1 kids…only for school to keep them in last year’s classes while they take another week to sort out classes for 2012. Kids not allowed to open new books or stationery packs till in new classes…kinda like
a week in limbo complete with disappointed
little faces….
OMM: Gina Rinehart – what’s up with Fairfax bid? Why are her kids at war with her? Fascinated….
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have been looking into the reinhart issue….from media reorts so far, her kids seem like selfish sh!ts!
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I think calling them selfish is a bit harsh – unless you know them in person….
Their grandfather set up a trust so that his family could enjoy the ongoing wealth from his success. Gina then fought tooth and nail in court to gain control of that trust from her step-mother.
Gina is now hardly paying a cent to her own flesh and blood. What you may see as ‘selfish’ could otherwise be seen as their rightful entitlement as direct descedants of such a wealthy man.
Im looking forward to seeing the outcome from the Court case brought by her children
regardless of what they spend that money on (at least they probably wont want controlling shares in Fairfax).
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Best – My wife and I went on a date. We didn’t go anywhere fancy, but between the two of us we made it feel special. I’ve decided to keep the feeling alive by asking her to join me for a coffee date at this little place that we’ve recently discovered.
Best – Saw the “Flamenco Fire” show at QPAC last night. The dancing was spell binding !
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You and your musical theatre, Braddles! Good to see you back!
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Best: An awesome bit of perspective, the breakups post reminded me of my ex-boyfriend. Looking back I am incredulous at what I put up with for so long, and so glad to know that it will definitely never happen again. It’s good to know that loser has no power over me anymore, even if I have no idea how he ever did! Tainted a little by finding out his new girlfriend (of about six months) is nearly six months pregnant. Oh dear, that poor girl..
Best 2: Enrolled in a year 12 equiv maths course to meet pre-requisites for the uni course I want next year. Working the dead-end job till then which is boring but enables me to save for the coming years. I realise I am very lucky, and I can’t wait to get into studying!
No worst. Except that I need to appreciate my boyfriend more! I am sometimes too irritable with him and it sucks
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Good luck with year 12 and getting to uni. I love uni and hope you do too
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Best: I’m performing in a Dr Who show with the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra tomorrow in front of 12,000 people. Been a crazy week of rehearsals, but should be a pretty amazing show.
Worst: I have to miss the wedding of a good friend from work because of the show
OMM: What on earth to get my boyfriend for his birthday
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Doctor Who and the MSO??? WOW!
What are you doing in the show, lizzieb? *Off to google show*
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Yeah, it’s pretty amazing! It was first performed as a Night at the Proms show in London – most of that is on youtube if you’re interested. There’s daleks and vampires and all kinds of things! The conductor from that has flown out here to do this show, and last night I met the actual writer of all the Dr Who music from the tv show!
I’m singing in the chorus – there’s 2 soloists and then about 50 of us in the chorus, plus the whole MSO – so it’s a big show!
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Waaaaah! I really wanted to go, but I live out in the middle of no where and there was no chance of getting to it.
Very jealouse I am a bonefide Whovian.
Enjoy!
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I think they said they’re making a DVD of the show – so there’s still hope to see it! It sold out pretty quickly apparently, my boyfriend couldn’t even get a ticket to come along!
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That’s great. I’ve watched my copy of Doctor Who at the Proms about a million times
Enjoy
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Wow! Maybe the ABC would show it? I’ll look around for Dr Who proms too!
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Maybe! I hadn’t thought about that! I’ll be the girl in the choir with the bright red hair if they do!
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Best: Watching STC Pygmalion. Reading Portia de Rossi’s book. Having lots of new dresses from my shopping trip to Newtown.
Worst: Realising that my new job is really difficult and there are no processes in place and I have no idea what to do because my manager hasn’t really been managing the team for the last 15 years – to the point of not being able to go in to work today because I couldn’t stop crying from the stress / tension.
On My Mind: How to make everything better. And cats (as per usual).
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Best: Enrolled at uni on Wednesday! It’s really real now. SOOOO different to when I’ve studied back in the dark ages though – everything online, it’s going to be a steep learning curve, I think! The Uni seems to have pretty good support networks though.
OMM with Uni: My 90-100% band result in my HSC is apparently not sufficient to teach Primary school according to the NSW Institute of Teachers. So now I will have to do extra to be able to do the electives that I am keen on. And cop the HECS. I like Maths and I don’t think it’ll be a problem to do it, but I still think my Maths that I do have should be enough. Why no test for everyone and then determine who needs to do the Maths catch-up?
Worst: KDot starting day care. She screamed all day on Wednesday (while I was enrolling). I’m hoping though that our other worst (a cold) had been coming on and that contributed to her grumpiness. She did a day last week with the same carer and cracked it during the morning, but had a sleep and was totally cool in the arvo. No such luck this time, and she wasn’t real happy with me either at home. Then the cold really made itself apparent. No day care for her yesterday.
Bummer: I was planning to take her to Jay’s Place (Jay Lagaia’s show) at the club tomorrow, but I don’t think we’ll be going now. Also a friend’s little bloke’s birthday on Sunday will likely be a no-go.
Any suggestions for the day care thing welcome!
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I had a shocking week re: daycare too Kris. I think the best advice is “hang in there”
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Oh snap!
I know that it’s because they’re at the “separation anxiety” stage, but I would love to know what others have done to make it easier on them. I do think KDot was affected by the cold though – she had been grizzly and whingy when I’d lay her down to change her nappy, so I’m wondering now if there was something worrying her in her head, like she was stuffy and laying down aggravates it?
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Hey Kris – all my three did daycare with the youngest starting at 2.5 yrs and doing 3-4 days per week while I did uni and work. When I started them off, I stayed with them at daycare for a a couple of hours for a few days and then we went home together. Then I stayed for a couple of hours, left them and came back to collect them. It worked well, even though it took about 8-9 days overall, it was worth it to see them settle well.
Also, had my dad for backup when they were heavy with colds. If you can have a backup, it helps you and them be more settled. Dad was in his 50′s and retired then and didn’t have to do much except fill their water bottle, give them the lunches I made for them and chat to them all day which he loved … don’t know if they paid much attention to the old boy but everyone seemed okay when I got to them.
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Well one day has been canned for the moment, so she’ll only be with one carer for the time being, for Wednesday and Thursday. The Day Care Co-ordinator just called me and concurred with a lot of stuff that I had been thinking about with the care set-up, so we’re not going to have Mondays now. I’m a bit less worried about taking her along to uni since even the course co-ord said “Just bring her along. If people can’t handle having her in class, what are they doing teaching??”.
The carer we had for Mondays is a lot younger, has more little ones and is getting a special needs kid starting Monday as well, so it’s for the best.
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Maybe stalker-ish, but perhaps a photo of carer on your phone or around KDot’s book area, so that you can randomly show her though the days she is not in care. Sort of a desensitizing/ familiarity thing. Other than that, just keep going….
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I’ve thought of that too, actually. She has this book called “The Hidden Alphabet” which she loves, and I always say the carer’s name and the other kids’ names when we get to their letters, so she gets used to hearing their names along with our family’s names.
At least it’s only the one carer to sort out at the moment after the phone call above. And she’s very experienced as a carer and also has her own (older) kids. The kids in her care are older as well, so it’s not so hard for her to have K on her lap or whatever and still be able to engage with and care for the others.
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Best: Ten years since I started dating the mother of my children! Tomorrow is six years since we got married!
Second best: Jas has a male teacher for first grade! He’s one of two male teachers at the school, plus he has a really good rep with the parents whose kids had him last year. The word is he has a knack of finding out what kids are good at, and making them shine in that area.
Worst: Also had a great friend die, of cancer, at 36 last week, I’ve been thinking about that a lot. She had two kids 10 and 6. I sat next to her at work for five years and within cooee for another three. Was a work on Friday, coma Saturday, died wee hours of Monday.
On My Mind: It doesn’t look like my wife will be going back to work and will have to quit. Childcare costs just kill us. Even on the Central Coast, three kids looks to be $1200 a week, far beyond what my wife earns. We’re looking at other options and overall pretty well off day to day, but an economic trap feels like it is closing over our heads – one disaster away from ruin.
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How about a nanny?
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My niece had a male teacher for Yr 1 last year – she was NOT amused. When I asked her why, she said “Because only ladies should be teachers, Aunty Kris”. She ended up loving him though!
The centres we’ve been to in our travels putting our names down for care here that I’ve really liked have coincidentally all had guys on staff too. I’m keen on that because KDot only really sees Mum and me, but I also want to really support guys in Early childhood care and teaching, in these days of “oh noes its a boy near my kid!!!!”.
Terrible news about your friend.
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So romantic you are Idle Dad!
So sorry you have lost your friend to cancer
When I had a nanny, she was a part-time early childcare student and also, because she registered as a daycare mum, I could claim the childcare rebate for her. I don’t know if the system still works this way but that could be worth looking into.
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Yeah, a nanny is one of the options we are looking at. Bloody long days for her though.
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Hi, fellow Coastie here. I highly recommend Family day care. I have used the same Carer for 3 yrs now (love her to bits) and the office is always so helpful. We love the fact on 5 kids are in care at one time and the carer’s still follow the same curriculumn as Pre – schools. The other benefit – much,much cheaper. We do one day at Pre-school which costs around $60 and the total cost for 3 days with FDC is $95.
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Have you looked into Family Day Care at all. Both Gosford and Wyong Shire have very good Schemes and while I don’t know the figures exactly I have heard it is a more affordable type of care for kids.
I live on the Central Coast and I have a few friends who have talked about going into together for a Nanny. So you split the cost with a friend or two who also have kids who need care. It means deciding on a house for the Nanny to be based at and one set of Parents having to drive the kids to and from but it seems like a good option. Do you have friends who might also be keen to share a Nanny?
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I think sharing a nanny would be the equivalent to FDC for Idle and his kids, Latarche!
I’ve got KDot in FDC, it’s pretty hard getting into it here, not sure what the Central Coast is like.
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Hi Kris2040. All good points. I don’t have kids so don’t pretend to know the inns outs of all the costs of all the different type of services.
However or clarification my Mum used to Manage the Wyong FDC and was President of NSW FDC for quite a few years. She is out of it now but I do have a fair history of if in respect of the Central Coast. The Wyong service was the largest in all of Australia at one point so I expect would still be quite large.
I totally agree that yes there may be waiting lists but still worth looking into as sometimes a Carer just pops up with the right placements straight away. Other times it can take a while. I think it might be worth going in and having a chat and finding all about it anyway.
For some reason I have found that it a a Childcare Service that a lot of Parents are not even aware exists. The amounts of times I have had to explain it to Parents with kids in Childcare Centres astounds me.
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Yeah, it’s strange that people don’t know or are suss about it. My best mate’s Mum did it when we were kids in the 80s, so I’m really familiar with how it works. Mind you, they have almost mini preschools now compared to what I knew as FDC! I haven’t heard from any centres but I got offered FDC spots pretty quickly (relatively).
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Best – I received Amazing face in the mail this week and it is helping me to improve my work presentation – I’ve had so many positive comments about how i have looked this week with is very pleasing (I hope this doesn’t sound shallow)
Worst – My partner got her belated christmas present and it seems that a PS3 can be a stand in girlfriend (I do know that this will pass in a few weeks)
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Oi! You received an amazing face in the mail? I have no idea what that means! Please explain (as they say)
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Idle Dad – I didn’t just receive a new face in the mail (but that did make me laugh) It’s a book Zoe Foster wrote about how to apply your make-up and skin care etc. I will need to buy heaps of products to continue my learning.
Also another Best I forgot to mention – I realised this week that may partner and I will be debt free this month – which is MASSIVELY exciting.
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Ah, I’m so unhip. I just skip over Zoe’s posts (I know, you just fell off your chair).
Sorry Zoe!
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Who’s Zoey?
#joking
*googles zoey*
#jokingagain
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Best: IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!..which means cake!
Worst: I think, actually I’m sure, my parents are on the verge of a divorce. My mum announced to the world last night that she is “55 and unhappy with her life”…and that it’s because of my father and I. Gee, thanks. There were many, many, others things said (yelled) but that’s what really stuck in my head. Trying not to dwell cos it’s my birthday
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Happy birthday Gracie!! Xx
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Happy Birthday!
Dont let anything take away from your special day – especially things you cant control!
xx
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Happy birthday Gracie … hope your year has lots of good times ahead x
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Happy Birthday Gracie! Mine’s on the 5th – Aquarian babies!
Regarding your mum’s revelation, just remember – it’s not your fault that she is unhappy with her life. It’s might even be a positive thing that she has had the strength to admit it to you, even though it sounds like a tough night for you and your Dad. Now she can begin to take the steps, whatever they may be, to find happiness again.
In the meantime, as you said, don’t dwell, enjoy your birthday festival and eat LOTS of cake!
xx
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Best: started the weekday Feb fast and feeling good. (But really looking forward a nice glass of wine this evening!)
Best: Kids are back at school and relatively happy. (So far)
Best: Off to the hairdresser this morning for the first time in two months.
Worst: The amount of grey hair I have all around my hairline.
Obviously I am plagued with a lot of pithy “first world problems”… Oh well.
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Best: I survived (sort of) three weeks without my husband. He’s coming home for the weekend.
Worst: This was yesterday, my children didn’t go to childcare/school easily yesterday. My baby (10 months) cried, the toddler screamed the roof off the place and my big year 8 boy started a new school and was almost in the foetal position in fear. BUT it all turned out great, he had a great day and said he “made 20 friends”
OMM: Looking forward to starting my new job in the next week or so.
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20 friends! Yay!
So glad it all worked out
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Same with the daycare, Christy. Maybe the planets have a thing with Kristie/Christys and 10 month olds starting day care this week. Lets hope it passes!!
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Best: 12 weeks pregnant yesterday!
Worst: have been quite unwell. Was diagnosed with early onset gestational diabetes at 6 weeks. Levels have been all over the place and the medicine is having some unpleasant side effects. Anyone else diagnosed with GD early on? Any advice? It has me quite worried. My first baby was a great pregnancy but a terrible birth resulting in her being flown to Sydney for an extended stay. I was already nervous this time around and now even more so.
OMM: this is so petty, I know, but the word ‘totes’ really, really bugs me! It’s like totes awesome, grrr! Where did this word come from? I don’t know why it bothers me so much.
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Congratulations on your best. Hope things start to feel better soon.
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Congrats Chook!
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OMM & Worst: I hate negative people…but I have found myself becoming what I hate over the past few weeks…I’ve been really stabby and grumpy and complainy and negative…I don’t want to be like this…
Best: Well, at least I’m aware of my negative behaviour and am taking steps to get myself out of the rut I’m in…
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Put down the guitar, pick up a ukulele, Mr Grumpy!
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Bugger that! I’m getting a Guitalele!!
http://www.guitalele.net/
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Six strings? Why, why, why?
Four fingers, four strings, uke know it makes sense.
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Because I love freakin’ you out with my two extra strings!
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Is there anything in particular that might be causing the negativity? Maybe you can step away from any activities that exacerbate it (like online stuff, a break from that can be most refreshing). Doing more of the things that make you feel better/happier would certainly be a good start. Awareness is the first step – good work. x
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No, I’m pretty sure it’s all internal…if you knew what a privileged life I lead, you’d understand
I mean, no-mortgage (paid off), good relationship, interesting job (and only 4 days a week)…
Nope..I think I’ve just drifted into looking at the world negatively instead of positively..I can change that!
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You’re either pregnant or it’s the male menopause … I’ll take a guess that it’s the latter option
Tell R to hide all the credit cards … heeheehee
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I look pregnant…but that’s normal for me…
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Wow … I really thought it would be menopause not pregnancy
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I second that JohnJames. I had to apologise to someone at work yesterday because of my crankiness. Any advice on how to not let it affect you is welcome this way!
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I think the self-awareness is the key…once you are aware that you have slipped into a “negative thought space” (I sound like a bloody motivational speaker) then you can stop it…stop looking at the world through negative emotions…
I really believe in the old adage of “looking on the bright-side”…I find it helps…
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Thanks JJ – motivational speaking could be your calling
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Best: strted my grad job yesterday and settling in nicely. Everyone is so helpful and welcoming, and flextime means I can set my own hours which I love… And I have a desk! My first real desk! Yay!
Worst: poor, can’t wait till payday…in a fortnight!
OMM: food. Why am I so hungry all the time lately??? Strange. Growth spurt? I’m dreaming lol
http://www.thebeautyblot.wordpress.com
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Flex time rules! I have it too, I absolutely love it!
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I have no worsts, only a big best!
One of my dearest friends is gettting married to a really awesome guy tomorrow and I’m super excited. I am also super excited that I will get to see all my girls in one hit- we all live so far apart and it is really only weddings, hens nights and baby showers that we are all together these days. Cant wait.
http://www.champagneandchevron.blogspot.com
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Bec has three husbands! Cor blimely gov? Who’s kid is it?
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Nice one
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I’m a saucy minx
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No argument. All pregnant women are.
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How do you do it? I can only keep up with one!