The one thing no one tells you during the excitement of pregnancy...

“It was all getting on top of me.”

“I’d started yelling at the kids a lot.”

“The kids mean the world to me but I wasn’t enjoying it.”

“I was on my own with the kids. And it was getting hard.”

Recognise any of those statements? I certainly do. As a parent, it can be so easy to get to a place where everything feels a little (or more than a little…) out of control.

Managing your own life is hard enough – and I think we’ve all had that moment when we’ve looked down at a screaming baby and suddenly realised “What? I’m also responsible for a child? When did THAT happen? I have NO IDEA what I’m doing!”

I’ve actually thought that on more than one occasion.

Just as an FYI, you should know that this post is sponsored by The Benevolent Society. But all opinions expressed by the author are 100 per cent authentic and written in their own words.

Nobody tells you when you’re going through the excitement of pregnancy, that the first difficult night is only the beginning of at least 18 years of hard work. Of course we love our children and wouldn’t change a thing and all those things you’re meant to say and blah blah blah…. But let’s get real for a second: Having kids is bloody hard work. There is no harder job in the world than raising another human being. And we should be proud of ourselves for managing to do it, even if our wheels do fall off half the time.

Case in point: For the first three months of my first baby’s life, I was putting all her nappies on backwards. Seriously. I was tired and had no clue and it looked about right to me so…  It wasn’t until my sister (who doesn’t even have kids by the way) pointed out that something looked a bit odd that I realised what I’d been doing. Woops.

But really, how was I supposed to know? It was my first kid!

That’s why I think it’s so important that we, as parents, feel like we can admit that we feel majorly under-qualified sometimes.

There’s no shame in it – it’s not like they hand you a step-by –step guide at the hospital before they send you on your way.

We’re all figuring this out as we go, and sometimes we’re bound to need a little help.

Another example: Those statements up the top? About yelling and feeling like things are getting too hard? They were all said by one woman, Brisbane mum Debbie Pitkin.

Debbie was on her own with the kids and felt completely swamped (and who wouldn’t?). It wasn’t until she had the courage to stop pretending everything was perfect, that she realised there were people out there who could help her. She told a neighbour one afternoon that she was kind of struggling, and that neighbour told her about the Early Years Centre run by The Benevolent Society.

The local centre runs a weekly get-together for families, where parents can chat while the kids play, borrow toys from the toy library, do some fun cooking classes, or just take a moment to have a hard-earned cuppa (that’s another thing I’ve found since becoming a parent – it’s so hard to describe to non-parents the total peace that comes from sitting quietly with a cup of coffee).

There are also courses to help with parenting skills that everybody seems to assume women magically attain the second they pop out a bub. I know I certainly didn’t – backwards nappies, anyone?

“One of the first things I did was a parenting course called ‘The Incredible Years’ and I learnt about how to deal with Archie’s behaviour without yelling so much,” says Debbie.

And guess what? It turned out, Archie’s speech wasn’t developing properly, and that’s what was making him frustrated and difficult.

“He couldn’t communicate so he’d yell and hit,” Debbie says. “I was so busy I didn’t realise.”

But staff at The Early Years centre did realise. That’s what they’re there for – to help carry some of the load. And who wouldn’t want a team of experts helping them out? All the staff at Early Years Centres are early childhood specialists, so they’re able to see where parents and kids might need support.

Archie was referred to a speech therapist, and now that he’s behaving better, Debbie is finding it much easier to manage.

And all Debbie had to do was reach out. There are always people willing to help, whether it’s a family member, friend, or somewhere like the Early Learning Centres. We don’t have to be doing this alone. It’s definitely the toughest job in the world, but there is always someone out there who can give you some pointers.

If only I’d known that when I spent three months putting nappies on the wrong way round…

What sort of support do you think parents need when their kids are little? What help was – or is — available for you as a parent with very young kids?

 

Having loving parents who play with you, read to you and provide stimulating early learning opportunities builds vital neural pathways that set you up well to be able to make friends, concentrate at school and cope well with everyday life.

But many children in Australia have parents who can’t provide this kind of supportive environment – usually because they themselves grew up without it. It’s hard to know how to be a good parent if you’ve never experienced it. 

Helping every parent to be the best mum and dad they can be will help the current generation of children get the best out of life. It will help them to do well at school, make friends, get and keep a job and stay out of serious trouble.

Join The Benevolent Society’s Acting Early campaign to help all Australian children develop their potential and contribute positively to our shared community.