Bec’s second wedding
by REBECCA SPARROW
It’s fair to say that I’m something of an expert when it comes to cheapskate weddings. After all, I’ve had two of them in the past decade.
In 1999 I married my American boyfriend in the Silver Bell Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas. The bride wore baggy shorts, a t-shirt and a big floppy sunhat. The groom wore … actually I have no idea what he wore. Can’t remember. What I do remember is that the wedding cost us $25 and that the priest greeted us by saying, “So do you want to live happilly ever after or do you want to get married? Boom Boom.”
Yep. Klarssy.
Seven years (one divorce, one emotionally abusive relationship and a few dodgy internet dating attempts including one with a guy who appeared to have two rows of teeth) later and I was getting married again. This time to my current husband (I like to say that to keep him on his toes) – Brad. For this wedding I decided to go more traditional and not, you know, get married wearing shorts and a t-shirt.
But again my inner-Cheapolina came out. Brad was a student. I was a writer. And I steadfastly refused to go into debt for ONE DAY OF OUR LIVES. So our entire wedding - my dress, the rings, the reception (music, food, decorations) – came in at just under $10,000.
Brad and I wanted a wedding that felt more like one big, fabulous party. And I figured, if you can’t throw a brilliant party for $10,000, there’s something wrong with you. And our wedding is still the best party we’ve both ever been to.
It seems I’m not alone in my thinking that weddings are something of a money pit. Journalist Amy Keyishian and I are singing from the Cheapskate Handbook.
In a recent article in the Huffington Post, Amy wrote:
How much should you spend on a wedding?
I’m usually not one to give Dr. Phil any credence; I hate that self-righteous, twangy, moustachioed cue-ball. But he did say one thing that struck me as genius.
A woman on his show was pouring some huge amount of money into her wedding, and as a reason for this irresponsible, childish behavior, she said, “But I’ve always dreamed of my wedding.”
“Well, I’ve always dreamed of playing in the NBA,” he told her, invoking his most patronizing sing-song so it sounded like enn-bee-aaaaay. “That doesn’t mean I get to suit up and play.”
Point taken. Just because we were brainwashed into thinking a wedding is the ultimate entitlement doesn’t mean we have to act on it.
I Learned Better the Second Time Around
I’ve had two weddings. One cost about $20,000 and had 150 guests. It was really fun, and I cut a lot of corners and was proud of how little I (my parents) spent. The second time around, there was no way I was going to ask for their financial input yet again. The total cost was $6,000, it was just as fun, and we had the rest of our savings for the three months of unpaid leave I ended up having to take a few months later to care for our premature baby.
Now, I realize putting those things in the same paragraph might seem unfair, but it’s actually the perfect way to illustrate what I am talking about. Because maybe you’re a bajillionaire with stacks of money placed together to form an end-table on which you have a lamp that burns $100 bills, in which case, go on with your bad self at Lake Como across from George Clooney.
It Was Not the Best Day of Our Lives
I don’t know if I speak for every wife when I say this, but honestly, when I look back on my wedding pictures, the main emotion I feel is incredulous — that my husband and I had no idea of the challenges we were facing, that we barely knew each other, that I wish I had professional portraits that weren’t so obviously bridal shots and oh my God, my dress was more low-cut than I realized.
It was not the best day of our lives. It was an amazing party and probably the best day of our lives up till then, but we’ve had days since that blew that one out of the water. And some of them didn’t cost nothin’.
Sing it, sister. I am the only person who’s shocked to know the average cost of a wedding in Australia is $36,000?
I’m sorry but WHAT? THIRTY-SIX THOUSAND DOLLARS.
For the same amount of money you could:
- Buy an Audi A1 + registration + stamp duty + a $2000 fuel voucher.
- Put a deposit on a three bedroom home in the outer suburbs of Adelaide.
- Go nuts at Westfield. Buy 7 pairs of Sass and Bide jeans, a Chanel handbag, a Michael Kors watch, 3 pairs of Christian Loubitons, a few hundred singlet tops a Supre, a Mars bar and STILL HAVE MONEY LEFT OVER.
- Give 654 people living in third world countries lambs to provide milk and cheese for food and manure for crops.
Of course if you’re reading this post while rolling around on a bed full of one hundred dollar bills — props to you (Who are you? Scrooge McDuck?). Go for it. Order the flamingos and the ice sculptures. Knock yourself out. But if you’re not loaded, you may want to rethink the $5000 dress.
Who’s with me?
How much is too much to spend on a wedding?
Comments
219 Comments so far
I agree with @ladybird73… Why are we all so judgy judgy! Way to go in making someone feel bad about their wedding (be it the happiest/best day of their life or not!).
My husband and I got married in Vanuatu 18 months ago and spent what we could afford and what we were comfortable with (and isn’t that the important thing?!?)
I will say though… once you become a bride-to-be it can be hard to sift out the WANTS from the NEEDS and the right balance for you (and not what every Tammy, Diane and Harriet thinks you should have/do). I do think that is often what trips us up when planning a wedding.
All the best to those of you planning your big day!
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If you have got the cash and you are not going into debt for it, go for your life. But a wedding bigger than Ben his not my cup of tea.
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I recently was married at the registry n then we had a dinner at a five star hotel nearby. We spent the rest of our budget on a . spectacular honeymoon to europe . I wouldnt change it for the world.
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I had 120 people and treasured every guest and spent $20k, it was worth every single cent.
I had the money though, you know? If I didn’t have the money, I wouldn’t have spent it but I would still have had the same number of people, just had a cocktail function or something instead of a sit down.
I can’t help but sigh when I read the people saying that they think big weddings are selfish and narcissistic – honestly, why oh why must we judge each other so much and so harshly!
To have had only family at my wedding and none of my dear dear friends would have broken my heart, but I don’t insist that everyone else feels the same way – we’re all different, celebrate everyone’s right to choose to celebrate their wedding in whatever the way they wish wouldja! Geez.
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I actually thought we were having a cheapskate wedding – until we weren’t…second hand dress under $100, no fancy cars, no bridal party outfits, cake made by a friend…but things really add up – especially in WA during a mining boom. Prices are extortionate! We really wanted it to be small, around 30 people, but it was impossible to draw that line. It could either be 10 or 100, anything in the middle would have felt wrong. So we ended up with 100…
Somehow it ended up at $20k…what can I say, my family drinks A LOT!
My partner and I put in $10k and our parents put in 5 each side. Nobody went into debt, as we planned it over more than a year so it was a bit at a time.
I’m glad we splurged on the food and drink – the things everybody can enjoy, not just the B&G. And the photos, because they still make us smile and hopefully will make future generations smile, too.
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I have to say that a lot of people bragging about the fact they spent only $5000 or whatever on their wedding also seemed to have gotten married many years ago. I know there are always ways to make a wedding cost less, but seriously try having a wedding for more than 50 people for anything under $10,000. I know because I am looking now at reception venues and catering options and it’s expensive.
Once you might have been able to provide food and drinks for $60 or $70 a person – now the basic packages are All at least $100! And I’m not looking in over the top hotels or venues.
The fact is that to throw a wedding in 2012-13 cost a whole lot more than a wedding in 1992-93.
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Totally agree with everything you said!
I am getting married at a family member’s property and it will still cost upwards of $10 000 for 60 people. I baulk when I look at that price but if you factor in the hire and set up of a marquee, chairs, tables, cutlery etc ($4000), catering ($5000) and alcohol ($1000) there is $10 000 already! Plus attire, celebrant, make up, photographer, hotel room, decorations and flowers. And this is at a HOUSE – not a fancy hotel or function centre.
Good luck with your venue search!!
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I am getting married next weekend- 10 days, and we are not going all out. We’ve actually spent less than we thought- and our budget was $10,000 and now that we have all our bits and pieces ready, I wonder what our friends, who (and I quote) ‘stopped counting after they hit $40,000′ spent all their money on!?!? I honestly cannot see where all that extra cash went. Granted, I haggled for my dress and got it for less than $500 (still more money than I would ever spend on something I would wear at least 10 times in my life) and we were lucky to find our wedding rings in an AMAZING sale, but we still have an expensive photographer (living in country NSW there are not too many options) and one of the nicer places in town to thank all my friends for making such an effort to come here.
I think OTT weddings are narcissistic and greedy. And not at all what marriage is about. I don’t think my wedding day is going it be the best day of my life; but I do think its going to be a load of fun!
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This article really resonates with me – my husband and I decided that instead of sinking all our savings into the wedding day, we would purchase our first property and get a head start on preparing for a future family. We purchased an apartment right at the beginning of planning for our wedding so we wouldn’t be tempted to use the funds in another way. Our day was low-key but very significant to us and our friends and family. I can’t help but contrast our decision with that of my husband’s cousin and his wife who were married a few months after we were and they went all out. It was a gorgeous day and I love her style and how amazing all the little details were but all the customisation came with a big price tag. 4 years later I know they are still paying it all off, surely this has to hurt a little. I know they are struggling financially and I really feel for them, knowing the impact that financial stress can have on your marriage.
The expectations placed on brides to have the perfect ‘princess’ experience seems destructive to me. Surely the wedding should be about both people getting married and be the start of their happy future together.
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I have had 2 weddings too. The first was in 1998 and cost $17k, was a big extravagant affair which my mother paid for. I have felt so guilty as after less than 2 years I left the relationship. I didn’t even take the big studio album or video which we paid thousands for.
The second one in 2009, we eloped in Fiji, just me, my partner and my 8 month daughter, was so special and wouldn’t change a thing about it.
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Ella – I would love to know more about your Fiji wedding – were people upset with you and you eloped? I am in a similar situation with my fiance, we have an 18 month old daugther and it just all seems too hard to put on big fancy pants wedding which we couldn’t afford anyway. We often talk about just heading up the Registry but eloping sounds so much better….
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I have a theory. The more expensive the wedding, the shorter the marriage. You’re getting married on the cheap? It will last.
I’ve never been wrong
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We got married for under $5000…. my dress was $200 and made by a woman I found in the local paper (OK, it was short- saves fabric), the reception for 120 cost a bit but everything else was cheap- borrowed cars, friends as photographers, no cake, shoes from K-mart (yes, really!)
18 years later we’re still very happy. I’m going with your theory
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You have got to be kidding me? That is the biggest crock I have ever heard. Stop comparing people’s love to the amount they spend on their wedding. Disgusting!
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“Disgusting … crock”? That’s harsh. Did you just have a $60,000 wedding?
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I agree with Jos…that’s a sweeping generalisation and I can tell you now that if your theory was true a number of my friends and family would still be together. The longevity of a marriage is dependant on the relationship of the couple. Not how much they spent on a wedding.
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Disgusting? Jos, that’s a bit of an overreaction, you sound like you just had a $100, 000 wedding.
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You are wrong….I know people who spent $100k on a wedding. There is very little chance they will ever divorce or separate and there was as much love at their wedding as I’ve seen at cheap weddings!
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“There is very little chance they will ever divorce or separate”
How can you possibly ever know this about anyone regardless of whether they had a cheapo wedding or a million dollar one. Pointless comment.
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Everyone is in love at their wedding. Aren’t they? Yet the divorce rate is still 1 in 3.
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My wedding cost about $20 000 – which in light of some of the below comments seems really extravagant, but I wouldn’t change a thing. My mum had breast cancer and had finally gone into remission after seven years of being incredibly sick. The year before our wedding my MIL was diagnosed with breast cancer, and so it was a really tough time for my husband’s family. Add to this that people flew in from overseas and interstate to attend, and we decided to make sure that everyone had a really good time. Both sets of parents contributed extra money so we could upgrage to a nicer reception venue, and we provided transport for our guests between venues, and pre-reception cocktails and a fantastic dinner.
In some ways it was a lot of money, but it was a beautiful day, full of emotion, that we got to share with all the people we love. I wore a beautiful dress, my husband looked drop-dead gorgeous, our mums had their hair and make-up done, the grandma’s got a driver for the day in an old-fashioned car – everyone got a bit of special attention and we all had a ball. This was seven years ago, and people still tell me it is the best wedding they have ever been to.
Sometimes there are things with a higher value than money – and while I agree that many people do go overboard, who am I to judge what is of value to someone else…
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Hi
I find this whole article quite interesting. I can think of very few things better to spend my hard earned money on than a fabulous party for the most important people in my life. All of my friends and family have been so generous to me, I would want to share a great night with them. I would personally be quite offended if I travelled to a wedding, bought a nice gift, bought a new outfit etc and then found out the bride and groom were high-fiving behind the guest’s backs on how cheaply they did it all. Look no-one wants anyone to get into debt for a wedding, but the sentiment of “lets put on a really cheap wedding for our family and friends” seems a bit off to me???
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I’m currently planning an el cheapo wedding. Can you believe it costs more to get married at the local courthouse ($360) than I spent on my beautiful heavily discounted frock.
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I worked at Births, Deaths and Marriages as a uni student.
It was about $600 after all the hoo ha, paper work, certificates, celebrant fees, room hire, etc just to get married at the Registry. I thought it was a little bit steep!
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I’ve heard of a wedding that was paid for by the sweat of the Bridezillas’ asthmatic mother who went back out to work to pay for it and still ended up in debt for years later……the sense of entitlement of the bride & groom was outrageous.
I think that $10,000 is WAY too much……..
Our daughter was married last Friday for less than half of that and the bride & groom paid for a lot of it – they both have good jobs and great imaginations……..they had an outdoor “Historically-themed” wedding where everyone wore clothing in the style of dress before WW1…….our daughter wore her favourite 14th Century dress she made a while ago and the Bridal party all wore whatever they liked. Their friends who belong to their Spanish Renaissance fencing troupe wore their usual garb and entertained the guests. There was a Medieval Fair feel to it and lots of faerie lights and medieval music……..a photographer friend took the photos for a very reasonable fee and so did our video guy………a “spit-roast” company did the food.
Everyone loved it and it’s loving, funny ambience – it was certainly a departure from seeing the usual “Bride’s uniform of a white sleeveless frock and hair that’s been “F&*%ed” for the wedding”…….her father wore a kilt and conducted the ceremony too (they had a legal Reg office service a couple of days before)………with a few willing, helpful hands we all managed it. It couldn’t have been better and at least I didn’t have to wear a sensible apricot suit and “careful hair”……lol.
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That wedding sounds amazing!
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We got married on a beach near we live and had the reception in the surf club afterwards. The wedding was mid afternoon followed by buffet dinner catered by one of the local pubs (awesome menu- we chose some things and the chef asked if he could make other stuff on the day to try out his new menu as they were a business starting up- I said to go for it and I know they got at least 2 bookings out of the day). We had an early dinner so those with kids could take them home to bed at a reasonable hour. As we don’t drink, we asked anyone who wanted alcohol, to bring their own and we only provided champagne for the toasts.
I made my own dress and my husband and step son bought off the rack at RM Williams. The whole day: dress, boys outfits, horse, flowers, cake, hall, music, photographer, caterer) cost about $3500.00 for about 70 adults and 35 kids.
We used all local people and kept the business in the district.
Awesome party!
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Great article. Love it. Some people really are dumb enough to think that spending lots of cash on a wedding means it will last! AS for Dr Phil, cannot stand the smug Yank but I do agree with him on this point.
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I’ve had two as well. First one was 21 years ago and was mostly paid for by the folks. I guess it was round about $10K? Had my bridesmaids and groomsmen pay for their own outfit hire in lieu of a gift. Ex monster in law was a world of cheap and only committed to paying for the grog in the last 2 weeks of the wedding….
Second time round we did it almost all by ourselves. My dad threw $500 on the bar, and my in-laws paid for the cake. We got away with it for under $2500. Had a garden wedding, mine and the bridesmaids dresses were off the rack: the girls bought their dresses, the boys paid for their own hire suits. We had an early afternoon ceremony then cocktails and canapes at a hotel owned by a friend. A handful of us then went out for dinner afterwards – was really lovely and low key.
Of course if I ever stupidly decide to do it again it’ll have to be Vegas with a Korean Elvis….
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Organising a wedding at the moment…..just found out the average cost of a photography is thousands of dollars! I stupidly assumed a semi professional photographer would be a few hundred. Don’t know what to do as I do think good photo’s are really important as the day will mostly be busy and stressful so at the very least we want nice photo’s to look back on! Oh dear…
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why don’t you go for a photo booth? the photos will be really funny. you can provide props and encourage everyone to have a go. otherwise lots of polaroid cameras with notes written on the back of them?
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Is $10,000 meant to be cheap for a wedding???? To my mind that is an awful lot of money.
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God, how silly do I feel…. we aren’t that wealthy my husband came from a family that had expectations about who would go to the wedding and what kind of wedding it would be (i.e. black tie). We had family help but spent about $15 ourselves, and our families pitched in about $15. So that makes us one of the $30k people. but it wasn’t a big wedding to be honest and there were lots of areas that we saved (yes, really!). Sometimes it just costs money to put food and drink on for people (that part was at least $15k). Part of it was meeting family expectations, part was my expectations, part was my husbands, but a lot of it was making it a perfect day for our guests… we wanted them to have a wonderful time. I couldn’t really easily afford it but I don’t think I’d change it…
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Here’s a hint for brides wanting to save a bundle for their wedding…get your wedding dress from http://www.threecolourswhite.com.au. New, used and sample wedding dresses for a fraction of the retail price! One bride earns some cash, another saves a bundle. It’s win-win. Enjoy
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We go to a lot of weddings.
The ones that really make me shake my head are the ones where the young couple are low income earners and their wedding is massively expensive.
Sending their parents into debt as well as themselves to pay for it isnt something they is a problem.
And after their reception for 500 people which is just trying to outdo their last friends wedding and the honeymoon in the Carrbbean they are broke and have to go back to live a converted shed in their parents backyard in the outer suburbs. The wedding would have cost more than the parents home is worth, I just dont get it. Its nice to be generous to your guests but this is ridiculous.
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My wedding would have cost little over $1,000. My mum chipped in for the food, I bought a dress and clothes for my husband and the kids, flowers for my daughter and I, and a cake (gasp, from the Cheesecake Shop). There were 11 people there, including us. It was bloody awesome. No headaches about seating arrangements, no massive debt accrued, no hysterics because the chilled soup was in fact tepid, no moments of utter panic almost leading to heart attack/stroke, no ridiculous photographer fee and all the good parts. I know I’m about to offend a bazillion people here, but seriously, the only reason for a massive wedding with a hefty price tag is a deep desire to be the centre of attention; an elevated price isn’t the measure of your love, and dozens of guests you’d normally try to avoid if you saw them on the street isn’t an indication of the love and support in your life. And to be frank, the women who at some stage whine that it’s “their big day” sicken me a little, it’s I supposed to be about your relationship, it’s not your day, it’s the rest of your and your husband’s life together. Who the hell cares if your cake was designed by Paolo the Egg Whisperer?
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So I have a budget of around $1000, and I don’t even want to spend that. Poor student, just want to get married so we can spend the rest of our lives together, otherwise we will have to live our lives in different countries.
Really really want to elope, but too many people would be upset about that. I hate the prospect of wearing a meringue dress and being the centre of attention for a day, I prefer to think of it as the beginning of a beautiful marriage, rather than a beautiful wedding.
What to do? Will cake in the park do?
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Why don’t you book a beautiful restaurant and in lieu of gifts – maybe people can pay for their own meals? Or scroll down through the comments to the beginning and read the one by Felicity Moore — she got married in the Brisbane Registry Office and then she and her family and friends went to the bar of the Sofitel Hotel and had drinks and enjoyed the view. xxx
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This is very similar to what my mum and dad did – they got married in a local park and then had lunch at a nice restaurant with friends. Simple, low-key and they’ve been married for 27 years. A wedding does not make the marriage!
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For our wedding we invited all our friends (plus kids) and it cost very little. We hired a hall and asked our guests to bring food (to share) instead of a gift. Friends who had a small band supplied the music, others who could sing/played a instrument entertained as well.
We only supplied the drink and sweets and even a close friend donated a loverly sari for me to wear. It was a great party!
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Hire a community hall, get people to bring a potluck and spend the rest of the money on booze.
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Have also had two weddings, to the same man mind you, one in Oz and one in Denmark.
Rings and clothes included we spent $8000 all up. In total. On two weddings.
The second attempt was by far the better, didn’t hurt to have a practise run
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We are getting married in November and are on track with a budget of $7000.
I am doing a lot myself but we are having everything we want. I promise you we will have the wedding of our dreams, it’s just that our dreams are not over the top. I have designed my own dress and it is being custom made. His suit was nearly as much as my dress but he looks amazing. Our rings are not cheapies, they need to last the distance.
Having said all that, the usual big spenders are lucky to be the things we don’t want big and fancy. We are being married in the morning with a lunch reception, exactly what we want, not forced to be cheap. Also we moved interstate last year and will be married in our new home. Unfortunately this means some of my family won’t be able to come, so on our way back from the honeymoon we will stop off to see them. Win/win with a small amount of people though.
For us, it’s the ultimate date. Our reception is not a fancy function place, it’s a restaurant that we have been to on dates. The gardens we are being married in is somewhere we spent a day watching the clouds go passed while on holiday here. I can’t wait to dance the afternoon away and then have the evening/night with my man.
It’s so hard to plan a wedding these days. So much pressure to fall into line and have what is expected. When shopping for all my little bits and pieces I never mention the “w” word just incase it increases the price by 70%.
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Gahhh! The thought of having a wedding almost brings me out in hives. I love my OH very much, and would love to be married (I think we both would) but I wish I could skip the wedding part!
But… but…
I think the wedding is more for the family and friends than the couple, or it should be. I won’t elope because it would break poor Dad’s heart and I know that we have family and friends who would want to celebrate with us. Seems churlish to turn my nose up at that
But the whole being in the spotlight for whole day thing… yeeech not good for a pair of introverts. Even with a phalanx of understanding bridesmaids and groomsmen to hold us up!! Has anyone else had to deal with this sort of situation?
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You have read my mind. I have been With my partner nearly twelve years, engaged for six, have a stunning ring and have two wonderful children but every time we think about a wedding all your above comments make it all too much!
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Same! I hate being the centre of attention.
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one of my best friends couldn’t stand the thought of a big wedding, but want to marry her partner . . . so they invited close friends and family for a holiday to Fiji. there was 16 of us in the end, she was married in the morning and a fijian feast for lunch, by 3pm we were in the pool just chilling out. there were no “official” bridesmaids or groomsmen just wonderful friends and family.
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We have both been married once before (and divorced! naturally) so we were looking for the lowest key, least expensive wedding that suited our particular style. We had about 40 guests at a new cafe out in the country in the middle of a small oil distillery that grows grapes and other fruit too.
We aren’t religious so having a celebrant was perfect for us and the wedding and reception were held in the same place. We were still nervous being up front of everyone but made it as deliberately casual as possible with ppl just sitting randomly around in chairs in no particular order.
My Dad accidentally smashed a glass just as I walked in the door which ‘broke the ice’ with a good laugh by everyone and we managed to balls up our vows (which we were holding in written form! haha) so that also kept us laughing.
All in all, plan for whatever suits you best. Or don’t plan, if you’re the type that feels more comfortable flying by the seat of your wedding pants!
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Oh, and my dress was a deep fuschia as I didn’t want to be traditional, not one bit!
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Totally with you on this one!! $36000 for one day is just insanity! With house prices the way they are these days weddings should be down on the priority list. When people tell me they are still paying off their wedding I cringe for them. Taking out a loan for a one day party with most attendees not really staying in touch with you for years after, just doesn’t make sense. I spent under $10K for our whole wedding, everything included and we had a beach wedding!! When its cultural I kinda get it, but when its not, I don’t get it at all! I recommend everyone to not spend too much and especially don’t get out a loan or go into debt for the day. Only invite people who matter most and spend the money on a house, you will thank yourself for years to come!
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I totally don’t understand…like for 30k you can live overseas for 6 months….for one day? Really? What? I also find the concept of weddings silly, but still, bloody hell…
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Who pays for the wedding these days? Traditionally it was the bride’s parents.
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Bec,
WHERE did you get your dress???
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Off the rack from a shop in Paddington in Brisbane. I think the shop was called ‘Network 2″ … and it was just a normal dress. Not a wedding dress. But I loved it!
I’ll try and upload a photo so you can see a bit more of it.
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We had the best wedding for only about 15 K. I honestly didn’t have to compromise on anything and so many people told us it was the best wedding they had ever been to.
*we hired the local country club for 500 bucks
* paid a wicked band 2,500… best dancing ever!
*dress was 500…. Loved it… first one I tried on.. Lisa Brown
* hair was 90
*bridesmaids brought own dresses (200)
* spent about 2,000 on really nice wine and beer
* catering was great… simple but heaps! Lovely nibbles… chorizo… dumplings. Prawns… goats cheese.. Hummus and crostini, arancini….. then grilled Chicken, lamb, salmon, rice, salads, bread, chickpeas,, like a lovely fresh BBQ! People remarked how much food there was! Not one of those weddings where you went hungry about 7,000 for 100 people
*200 on ‘cheese’ cake – wholesale wheels of cheese stacked on top of each other like a cake… with grapes and dried apricots… and then some brownies too
*400 on celebrant
* 60 bucks to the local council for fee to use local beach
* 500 on husbands suit
*200 beautiful bali umbrella to get married under
* 500 to mate to take great photos
* 500 on champagne
* 500 on bouquets from local florist… flowers on tables were done for 200 donation to local country women’s association
can’t remember it all but really don’t have to spend much to make it a lovely memorable day!
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Five thousand, including honeymoon. We had a total of 15 people including us, got married on a Wednesday, reception was an amazing kajillion course meal, then we left. Didn’t have the dancing thing because I don;t care about that. So glad we didn’t throw away ten of thousands on a wedding…
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My wedding cost about $3.5k and was fabulous and very chilled out. I was 7.5 mths pregnant. We got married in the Bible Gardens overlooking Palm beach in Sydney and had the reception in mums backyard over looking pittwater self catered and only 40 people. Only regret was not paying for a prof photographer. We asked everyone to take lots go photos cue lots of group shots with people looking at different cameras. Biggest bargain my French Navy Grecian style Jersey wedding dress $150 online. We planned and did the whole thing in 6 weeks.
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I eloped, too. It was the most magical day of my life and I wouldn’t change it for the world. The whole ‘event’ came in at $200 including dress, photographer and celebrant and our parents gave us our wedding dinner and hotel suite for a night. Sure, it’s not for everyone but we were overseas and the day was wholeheartedly about just us. My belief is that when all the guests go home, it’s just the two of you in the marriage anyway, so why not start that way. I love my husband more each day and the best part is we never suffered the ‘post wedding blues’. That said, I love attending weddings and think they’re such a personal thing. You just have to do what works for you, your partner and your finances.
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My husband and I spent $40k on our wedding a year ago. 100 people flew in from all over Australia and from o/s and we wanted to ensure it was a night to remember for all of us- I think if people dig into their pockets to pay for flights and accom, you have a responsibility to provide great food, booze, music and atmosphere, if you can afford it. Our wedding wasn’t extravagant, but we didn’t hold back on spending for the sake of it- yes it’s one night, but it’s one night in a blue moon when so many of the people you love best are all in the same place, and showing them the best time you possibly can is absolutely worth it in my book. Absolutely no regrets.
Before the shit starts to fly, yes, we are lucky we could do this without eating beans for a year, and I’m not suggesting everyone should/can. We just felt the memories we made that one amazing night justified the expense.
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same.. i don’t regret it either. it was amazing
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I thought I had the best return on investment of any wedding – but obviously not!
364 sterling – celebrate 20 yrs next Feb
That even included a horse called Horace (& cart) to take me to the wedding & then the reception….probably a memorable wedding for those who attended ….
So I guess Rebecca I think $10k is a huge amount to spend on a wedding & you don’t get the cheap skate crown
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I hand my crown to you!
Good work! And how wonderful that you’ve been married for 20 years!
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Ok, I spent $1000 it was 24 years ago. Bought my dress on sale, made my bridesmaid dresses, flowers & cake (other than sewing I didn’t know how to do the rest so I winged it). Did a marquee in a friends backyard & this is when they weren’t trendy so it was banana yellow (think circus tent). Our photographer quoted us 50c a photo he was a mate of my husbands, then got sick & the studio he worked for honoured the 50c a photo deal. We honeymooned in Canberra, in winter in a caravan park where we both preceded to get the flu and came home early but told no one (that was the best bit).
I feel too many people are getting “wedding-ed” instead of “married”. I’ve been to a few in the last couple of years, one with indoor fireworks and smoke machine, some things are just too over the top for words. I personally don’t find them impressive, once they celebrate their 5th or maybe 10th anniversary then I’ll think the money was worth it, actually no I’ll never think that money was worth it, but would be interesting to know how many of those marriages last, I think the divorce rate is 2 in 3 end in divorce, not god odds?
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DON’T get me started on weddings!
My brother-in-law and his fiance are spending $55,000 on their wedding. That amount doesn’t include their honeymoon (another $12,000) or things like mortgage repayments they need to make while they’re away. They aren’t rich – they have sold their car, taken out a personal loan and may still need to borrow money to pay for the bloody thing (and Husband and I will be the first people they turn to when they need that money!) Kill me now!
To be honest I think it’s bothering me that, to my future sister-in-law, having a bit showy expensive wedding appears to be a lot more important than her relationship.
[ http://perthwife.wordpress.com/ ]
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Ha ha reminds me of the Perth meme ‘Dropped $40 000 on my wedding day, discount Tiger fares to Bali for honeymoon’.
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$36,000 is just ridiculous (I have heard of people spending $3000 just on the shoes). I also understand there is a lot of pressure especially in European families to have very big weddings with expensive gifts for the guests…Our wedding cost $9000 3 years ago with about 55 guests… if our budget was even more restricted we would have chosen to an even tinier wedding – no problem with that. I didn’t expect a 3 ring circus and our day was perfect in every way. This website helped keep me sane – and it’s fun to look at too! http://offbeatbride.com/
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I worked with a girl that had her shoes handmade with her own last from a specialist cobbler. Ridiculous!!!! I hate white/ cream shoes anyway.
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I got married in a very light green – and found an awesome pair of shoes to match at Quick Brown Fox for $34!
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Oops…I did that too. My husband and I saved money everywhere we could so we could treat ourselves to something we really wanted – he chose black 1956 Cadillac wedding cars and I had shoes made to match my antique gold gown. It might seem silly or extravagant to some but I really treasure them (and 15 years ago they didn’t cost as much as they would now!)
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I should add that the $9000 included our Tassie honeymoon
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Yes, it might seem insane to you but it is relative. A $250,000 car seems insane to some and is chump change to others.
I hate how these posts serve to create a divide between us of “Us” and “Them”. So what If someone wants to spend lots on their wedding? So what if they can’t afford it? It is up to them to make their own decisions and deal with the repercussions. Judgement is so dirty and always seems to reek of jealousy.
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“Judgement is so dirty and always seems to reek of jealousy.”
This is just not true. I am currently planing a wedding and have all the resources to have a big wedding, not to mention that’s what everyone was expecting of me coming from a European background, but I couldn’t think of anything worse. What is there to be jealous of? I feel sorry for anyone who feels like they have to put on a circus and go into debt over that one day.
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Hubby and I decided on our honeymoon and based our wedding around that.
So August 2nd 2006 saw us in Queenstown NZ. We were married in front of several of our nearest and dearest. The next day we were in the slopes!
We had a kickass party when we got back. And 6 years and two kids later, I’d do it all again!
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We’re getting married in December and it’s coming in at about 8k. We’re having a lunch (cheaper and no DJ needed), a friend is taking photos, cake from the local bakery, no flowers (Mum and Dad are walking me down the aisle so my hands are taken anyway as I decided flowers were a *total* rip-off), no bridesmaids or best men, dress from the internet with a local seamstress to make some additions to it. Easy, no-stress and relatively cheap!
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I’m sorry, did someone mention part of their cost cutting was to have guests ‘bring a plate’ to their own wedding?? Wow, I’m all for conscious spending but lordy that pushes things into a whole new territory!!! There’s cheap, and then there’s CHEAP, right?
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Chantal, was that supposed to be in reply to my post? Because my guests are hardly ‘bringing a plate’. We’re dining in a fantastic restaurant on the water with a two-course lunch, cake for dessert and an open bar – where did the ‘bring a plate’ come from?!!!
And we actually went to a good friends wedding recently where guests were asked to bring a plate. His business was struggling, they didn’t have much cash but they just wanted to get married. And all of us were happy to help. Their tropical backyard garden was decorated with lamps (similar to Bec’s photo) on a balmy Brisbane evening, a local band who are friends played and we all had a fantastic time (I actually think that night will be better than my own wedding!). As some others have pointed out, it’s not the wedding that matters, but celebrating the two people who are coming together.
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I was married 5 years ago and my wedding cost around $1500. Seriously. I made my dress – gorgeous, one-off bejewelled number with lots of random, wearable art style embroidery and sequins and pearls. Stunning – everyone said so. Cost? $85.
My wedding cake was provided by my ex-partner’s mother (I like to call her my mother-out-law…we are great friends!). I sang my vows to my husband, and he sang his to me. A good friend led a meditation in the midst of a romantic outdoor destination (aptly named ‘the Magic Pond’). My sister and her husband sang a surprise duet to us…’I've finally found someone’ (so, hey, I was 46!).
Happily, a close friend was the celebrant, but we still paid her mates rates. We had an intimate wedding for 20 guests and a fantastic party for 80. Lots of wine and beer, bring a plate, eighties music, borrowed sound system and lots of candles. Finish up with a 60-slide presentation by my hilarious sister, wonderful beloved speeches by delicious friends and family, and it is still the best wedding I’ve been to. Why would anyone imagine that you need to spend a fortune for a wonderful day. For me, the most wonderful part was the way I felt looking into my husband’s eyes! Priceless!
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people always tell the bride their dress is stunning- doesnt mean it is
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Harsh!
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Harsh but so so true.
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Goodness! You are unkind and a bit cynical, really. Is that what people said behind your back, then? Or, have you untruthfully said it to someone else?
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Ignore the nasty TROLL. They’re everywhere on the net, stirring things up for very sad reasons of their own that have nothing to do with you.
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I’m with Bec. We spent only $10000 on our wedding – including flights os for honeymoon! Did lots of DIY but I wanted to be ‘hands on’ with making invites etc. Was heaps of fun to do this as well!
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I eloped.
Hubstar and I took the day off work, went to the registry office, paid just under $30 for the certificate and got married.
We had our ‘wedding reception’ at our favourite burger joint. Just the two of us. My wedding photo was taken using a polaroid camera – I held him, he held the camera.
Regrets? not one.
Still married? yes.
Still in love? yes, 13 years later.
Would I do it all over again, even if I won $50 million this Thursday night? yes I would.
Why? because the wedding wasn’t the big important thing. It’s the marriage. Every day is a good day because we’re together, through thick and thin, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health.
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I love this. Congratulations on what seems like a beautiful marriage.
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thank you Stef.
Ten years after we married, we decided to update our photo by using the photo booth thingy at Galactic Circus, Crown Casino. It cost $6.
It’s on pinterest x.
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Our wedding came to less than $5000, but a lot of that was because we have some mighty generous/talented friends and family.
My sister in law is a florist and donated all the flowers for the day as a gift. Friends of ours loaned us their cars. A friend is a photographer, and did all our photos for free. Video was a different friend. The cake, yeah, got a baker for a friend too. And after it was all said and done, we ducked off to a mate’s holiday house up the coast.
Deadset, though, we were broke as hell, but it didn’t matter. I’m not one for extravagant or fancy at the best of times. But the day was fantastic! And it was because our closest friends and family were with us, we laughed, did stupid dances, ate cake and burst out into song randomly.
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We married a month ago, and it’s pleasing to know that we wouldn’t change a thing. We have two mortgages and are bebe-hungry, leading to a decision to be financially careful.
However, the judgey behavior from friends/family surprised me – mostly that we weren’t doing things that you “have to” have.
Our budget was $10k, we spent ~$8. The major savings came from DIY flowers, Etsy/madeit and having the reception in a local bistro (rather than a “reception venue”). It was lovely to interact with local vendors who are enthused by bespoke wedding work.
Your wedding is not a competition, and it is a bit sad to see folk competing for either the priciest or most frugal affair (both very present in online bridal communities!).
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Our first wedding (had church blessing to mollify rellies) cost about $500 in 1988. Registry office, 20 mates and family then yum cha reception. Still together so worked out okay. No shotguns in sight btw.
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I am so glad that we spent around $12,000 on our wedding, including the honeymoon! Of course there are things I would change if I did it again, but you always improve with experience! That money was all we could afford at the time but I’m glad we didn’t spend more as it was great and no more money was needed (or wasted)!!
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When I got married 12 years ago, I wanted to elope, my now husband said our mothers would never forgive us – he won! It cost around $10,000 – which back then was the equivalent of a decent house deposit, new car, overseas holiday for both of us. Ironically, by dad offered to give us $10k if we eloped – he thought he’d be saving money. The wedding day was fine, but a long way off from being the best day of our lives. If I had my time over, I would have absolutely eloped.
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This is my story exactly – right down the hubby pulling the ‘mother’ card. And unfortunately we are still in debt 5 years later as 2 bubs came along! I wish I had have pushed harder for an elopement.
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