lifestyle

Are our lives destined to mimic our parents’?

I received an email from Mamamia reader Fran* who writes….

“I’ve been thinking lately about how much influence our parents place on us and at what point do we choose to repeat history or break the cycle?

Years ago I worked with a girl who was a very young mother with her first child at 17 (she’s now 30) and her mother was also 17 when she had her.  She openly admits to thinking about pregnancy at that age as she liked having a young Mum growing up.  Her second child was born at 21 and she relished in her role as a young mother.  However, my neighbour’s mother was 18 when she had her but my neighbour, who is now 29, couldn’t think of anything worse than being pregnant at the moment or, indeed, having an 11 year old to deal with!

Sometimes it’s frightening how much my own life has mimicked my mother’s life.  We both met our prospective husbands at 18, engaged at 23, married by 25, first child at 27 and second at 29.  I wonder how much of this is due to coincidence or subconscious planning on my part?  Because of my happy childhood (I almost feel guilty saying that!) and the fact my Mum was able to stay home full time for years I made a conscious effort to do the same for my children.  We’ve had to make sacrifices financially of course but if no overseas travel, expensive birthday presents or luxury cars are the trade-off, then I’ll take it.

I’m aware though that it’s not all happy times that have a history of repeating.  My father was a very heavy smoker and I remember being so angry at the smoke filling our house and making our clothes smell.  I vividly remember vowing NEVER to smoke because of this experience.  But in making this decision for myself others in this situation may have taken up smoking because it was normalised by a parent.

My parents had an ugly divorce when I was 16 and because of what my brother and I were put through emotionally I have such a concrete view that marriage is forever and will take whatever steps necessary to ensure I don’t put my own children through a similar experience.  Of course, nothing is infallible but it is my own experience as a child of divorce which has led me to this belief.

Do other Mamamia readers think your life has been influenced by your family? Do you think we’re destined to make the same mistakes and choices as our parents without even realising it?”

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