Biheng Zhang
by BIHENG ZHANG
I’ve wanted to say this out loud for some time now. It’s a small gripe that I have, a bee in my bonnet, I suppose. On a scale between zero and starvation in war-torn countries, it’s probably a four. But here it is: I hate being reminded that I’m Chinese.
Don’t take this the wrong way – I am actually very proud of my heritage and history and will happily share a moon cake with you for the Moon Festival. If you’re into salted eggs in your sweets, that is. But rather, more accurately, I hate being reminded I’m Chinese by strangers when I’m buying milk or answering the phone or waiting for the tram.
I grew up in the inner northern suburbs of Melbourne in the 90s. I went to Northcote High School before the Government injected a whole lot of money at it, a time when kids got chucked out for dealing on the oval and portable classrooms were occasionally torched overnight.
You were proud if you came from Rezza and everyone spoke a little wog, if only to hurl the occasional ‘malaka’ at the teacher, who was Greek anyway. A lot of the kids’ accents had a hint of Nick Giannopoulos, including the Asians, but only the dedicated few could pull off the eloquence of Effie. Roll call took fifteen minutes every time we had a new teacher.
It’s fair to say that for the most part, growing up in my bit of Melbourne, hanging out after school at Norflandz (that’s Northland Shopping Centre for those who aren’t in the know) and going to my mate’s place the day before Orthodox Easter to find a whole lamb carcass in the backyard, we all felt kind of normal. Which is why, for a long time, it puzzled me when my name or appearance would become a topic of conversation.
Biheng doesn’t do this. She works at Myer.
As a uni student, I worked at Myer in the city. I was a salesperson in the Christmas shop, which basically meant that for three months of the year straight I had glitter permanently lodged in my hair, nostrils and ears and I still get a nervous twitch from hearing Jingle Bells being played on loop. It also meant that at least once a day I was being asked, ‘So, where are you from?’ by curious but well-meaning customers who saw me and my name badge as a conversation starter.
‘I’m from Brunswick,’ I’d usually respond. ‘Just a few k’s north from here,’ I’d add, if I thought they weren’t from Melbourne. If they persisted to ask where I was really from, I’d clarify that it’s technically Brunswick West. 3055. Occasionally, just for fun, I would tell them Womenswear, level 3. You know, for the other nine months of the year.
I still remember joining the 5th Northcote Scouts at the age of 10 and being assured by our leader Akela (think The Jungle Book) that when it came to reciting the Scout Promise and we reached the line, ‘To do my duty to my God’ that I should focus on the word ‘my’ before God.
She wanted me to know that the pledge could be as easily for Buddha if I wanted. I didn’t know, then, what the word was for atheist so I think I just nodded and wondered why all the other kids didn’t get pulled aside. I know, I know, how the heck did I find myself in Scouts? Best to save that one for another day.
And, of course, I’m often reminded that my name is different, unusual, noice (in a voice not unlike Kath and Kim’s). Actually, it’s just Chinese. If you want unusual, talk to Jamie Oliver’s kids. I have to admit, though, my name can be pretty cool, especially if I decide to become the next Cher or Madonna, minus the talent. As it stands, I can claim the twitter user name @biheng and a blog domain biheng.blogspot.com. I dare you to take a stab at my email address.
I’m not writing this to humiliate, accuse or mock anyone (ok, maybe there’s a little bit of gentle mocking). It’s important to acknowledge that a lot of these comments that I’ve encountered over the years have come from a good place. It’s never hatred or abuse or even judgement. Quite often, what I see is a genuine desire to connect and sometimes, even an extension of friendship. I have no ill feeling for anyone who simply wants a chat. But seriously, just let me buy my milk without having to tell my life story.
Biheng Zhang is a fundraiser in the non-profit sector and is currently working for an art gallery. She is a Melbourne-based aspiring writer and you can find her blog here http://biheng.blogspot.com.au/ and follow her on Twitter here @biheng.
Do you ever feel stuck between two cultures? What do you say when people ask ‘where are you from?’
Comments
191 Comments so far
People tend to get out some sort of vicious need to harm others emotionally by asking “where are you from”, and the like, persistantly when its obvious that you’ve answered. It comes down to the fact that people tend to be
shit(yes, I cursed) , so it is an easy,and in their “minds”, a sly way of bothering you. If someone were just curious about you then they would respect you and whatever response you felt like giving. Calling someone out for looking different is never polite, especially when you haven’t known the person for 5 seconds! I suggest that all optimists take the time to read history, look at the attrocities that humans have caused, realize that the average human being is evil scum, and then ponder what you have learned over raspberry gelato
With this understanding of human nature you will become wiser, safer, and much more satisfied with life.
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as a kid I was so ashamed of my parents Australian accents that I developed my own strange accent, so Im also constantly being asked where Im from and noone believes that I was born and raised in Sydney… Also when I dye my hair dark (im natutally blonde), and use dark eye makeup, people often just start speaking to me in random languges like Russian.. and I just stare at them blankly til they ask “arent you Russian?”
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Great article! Wish I had found it earlier!
Growing up in the Far North, I had my fair share of ‘special treatment’ not unlike your scouts experience! Through school, there were probably 5-10 of us with an ‘asian’ background in a year of 220 and there was hardly any segregation between the ‘aussies’ and everyone else. I dunno, must be the laid back nature but people’s heritage of background just didn’t seem to come up.
Going to uni was a different story.. (think, uni in the capital city with plenty of other ‘asians’ around, but locals and internationals). I was actually told to stop pretending I’m Australian and that I should not be ashamed of my heritage…. (in reaction to my thick queenslander accent… “not bad ey?”)
Whoa! What an comment to receive from someone who was supposedly ‘trying to help me out’!
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I am blonde blue eyed and 6 ft tall and often get asked where I am from.
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This is so my life. I have an ‘unusual/foreign sounding name’ which prompts people to comment on it. It doesn’t help that I wear a headscarf too. I was born in Australia, both my parents were born/grew up here (one white, the other not) so I am not sure why when people ask me where I am REALLY from, I can’t just classify myself as ‘Australian’. My accent is Aussie (although I wouldn’t call it Kath and Kim
), I love Vegemite and meat pies and all the rest. I don’t know why being ‘Australian’ in some peoples eyes is being fully caucasian and not embracing one’s traditional heritage, afterall Australia IS a very multicultural country 
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I got this a lot in retail too… Look, I understand that as people are trying to get to know each other, you want to ask questions about ethnic background. But, why oh why do you need to know the heritage of the person that’s serving you at a retail counter? Say hello, pay for your stuff and leave already. You’ll never see this person again, does it matter for you to know where they are from? I just don’t get it.
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I loved the story. As a white anglo-saxon girl who has been on the ‘other side of fence’, I could relate. I was lucky enough to spend a few years working in Indonesia, and I recall on one occasion whilst getting my hair cut I was asked the typical question of ‘where are you from?’. When I replied, ‘Oh from Australia’. The guy very promptly told me that I couldn’t be from Australia because I had dark hair, and all Australians are blonde. He then spent the next 10 minutes telling me, very seriously, that I must be from Spain or Greece. No amount of discussion could convince him otherwise. There comes a point where you just want to relax and let a hair cut just be a hair cut without the 20 questions.
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I am sick of caucasians / Brit / Euro Australians being referred to or assumed as racist. That in itself is racism.
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http://racism-education.tumblr.com/post/20468906876/why-reverse-racism-doesnt-exist
this is the only response that I have the emotional energy to give to your statement right now.
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Good post, but I found the first comment by Jack Flat (expanding on Anonymous’ point) just as compelling.
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I didn’t call it ‘reverse’ racism. YOU did. I called it plain old racism, because it is.
People, stop beating up on people who aren’t of Asian origin because some are racist. If you do, then you are equally as guilty in lumping them into one based on genetic / biological factors that can’t be chosen or helped.
As one person said, if the target finds it offensive, then it is. It is not for you to decide on my part. And I find A LOT of statements on here targeted at Anglo / Caucasians deeply offensive. Unless you know me personally, do not make assumptions on how I conduct my life or what I think or feel because I have white skin and blue eyes.
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Hiii! Where r u from?
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Reminds me of that ad (was it for chops?). “So, Cheng, where are you from?” “Ballarat, actually.”
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Nice one, Biheng! I grew up in one of the Sydney equivalents – I am 38 and STILL swear in Greek if it fits better, which it sometimes does! One of my best mates at school is “Chinese” but has never been out of Australia.
I got told off by a teacher once for pulling up a little year 7 for hurling abuse at said teacher in Lebanese, because I was “stifling his culture”. Then I told her what he’d called her! LOL
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Urrghhh. Try having a surname “Wee” or trying having a first name “Sik”- it gets awesome at the doctors everytime. “oh heehee Sik is sick,” the doc/ nurse said. No sh!t, I am seeing u right?
Anyway, the where do u come from is hard too. It changes depends on who ask. In Australia people r surprised when I said “from aust”. They will ask “but, where were u born?” -in Sydney. But I grew up in Hong Kong, moved to Brisbane in my teens and moved to melbourne after uni. I don’t even know which state I am from, let alone which country I need I pledge my alligence to.
I almost fell out of the chair one day in Toronto when a sales person asked if I am Aussie. I think that was the FIRST time someone ever ask me that and I almost hugged him. LOL
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I think often when people ask ‘where do you come from?’ they don’t mean it literally, it’s just a more casual way of saying what is your ethnic background? I lived in several very multi-cultural cities around the world and this is a common question to people of all races. I am as Caucasian as they come (blonde and blue eyed) and I’ve been asked this question many, many times in Australia. My Dad is Welsh and has lived in Australia for over 35 years but still has quite a strong accent, he often is asked where he is from, but he doesn’t take offense to this.
Personally, I think many Australians are a little too quick to judge people as being racist or marginalising them. I’m not saying these issues don’t exist in Australia, they do, as they do everywhere else in the world, but Australia is a young, multi-cultural country and I think it’s an acceptable question to ask about peoples ethnic backgrounds, as long as it’s in a polite manner of course.
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I agree. It sounds a bit too formal to say “what is your ethnic background”. I have to ask the question at work and I tend to ask where a clients family is originally from rather than the ethnic background. Even if someone was born here and you can tell their origin is Asian or African, you’re not insinuating they’re not Australian. People are often happy to talk about where they/their family came from.
Working with aboriginal Australians, I have been asked fairly bluntly if I have any aboriginal in me and it doesn’t particularly worry me.
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I know in a lot of cases it is done with a good intent, which is fine, however it does get very annoying* even so, so I encourage everyone to consider whether you really need to ask the question or not. *When I travel to China, I get a lot of people interested in my daughters’ skin complexion (everything from photographs without asking to asking to touch them), the fact they are (or will be, in the case of my youngest) fluent in Mandarin as well as English, which is great in a way—I think they’re pretty wonderful too—but when you get it several times a day, particularly if you’re trying to keep them asleep, it’s very annoying.
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Great point and I totally agree. I am green eyed brunette and get asked all the time where my family are from as most Australians parents/gradparents etc are from somewhere else. And I also agree that Australians are misjudged
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I’m sure it wasn’t every incident but my childhood memories of that question manifest as either:
“So, what are ya?”
or
“Yeah yeah you’re a half-caste aren’t ya?”
Somewhere along the line “half-caste” came to have very negative connotations for me.
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I can relate to this. I am always being asked where I’m originally from. All because I have an olive complexion, brown eyes and, I’m guessing, a slightly exotic look? Once, someone actually asked me if I “have wog in me”. How rude is that?! We’re generations of Australians but my mum’s parents were Maltese. That usually attracts the understanding nod. Funny thing is though, mum is blonde and blue-eyed, my dad is the dark one – his hair is jet black! And his background is Scottish, English and Irish. Not many people know that it’s common for Scots to have olive complexion and black hair… I think unless you’re the typical blonde, fair-skinned Aussie, you’re going to be asked this question. It is annoying though.
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I actually find that I get asked “where are you from?” whenever I open my mouth…
I have a slight speech impediment that for the most part doesn’t affect me (thanks to years of speech therapy as a toddler and young child) but sounds like a strange accent. Every time I utter certain words in front of someone who doesn’t know, out comes the question and I have to spend the next ten minutes saying “Perth”… “WA”… “Australia”.
Eventually they will come out with “but your accent is so unique”.
That’s when I usually have to explain that it’s a slight speech impediment – but thanks for pointing it out that I can’t pronounce certain words. It makes me feel great to know that years of physically placing my finger on my tongue and learning how to make a “ka” sound different to “ta” and holding my lips to make “fff” sound different to “th” have resulted in such an accent and would make people instantly assume I’m from overseas. Way to make me feel welcome in my home country, mate.
It’s even worse on the phone. I hated my call centre job when I was 17 purely because of the number of times I would get asked this question.
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The thing that annoys me most is when people randomly start talking to me in Chinese, or ask “So are you from China?” just because I look Asian (I’m originally from Indonesia). I wish people would learn that China is NOT the only country in the whole Asian continent, and just because you look Asian does NOT mean you are necessarily Chinese!
Great article Biheng, you brought up an issue which clearly resonates with many readers
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Thank you so much for this article! As a person of Chinese descent, born in Australia with parents/grandparents born in a pacific island this article really resonated with me.
I know my culture and my identity, but when strangers (yes perhaps well-meaning strangers) hound me about where I’m from I don’t know how to answer properly because I’m taken back by it.
To have this question asked straight away makes me feel like the asker has decided I’m not Australian because of my physical appearance. I identify as an Aussie above anything else, but often that isnt what people want or expect to hear. I once got abused at a bus stop because I apparently dont have an “Australian nose” so I cant say I’m Australian. (Like I wasnt a teenager who already hated her wide nose)
In primary school I used to get picked out for ESL classes despite the fact that English is my first and only language. It didnt matter if I told the teachers I spoke English. I look Asian so I had to go. It’s a tough situation because the school was clearly trying to support non-English speaking students but they actually ended up making me feel alienated and pointed out that I didnt really fit in anywhere.
This is a really complex topic, so thank you again for this article.
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I had to move schools in year 12 and when enrolling the admin lady asked if I needed to enrol for ESL classes…I had to tell her sure, so long as they don’t clash with my 3 unit english classes!
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I had a friend of Chinese descent all through school, and one day when she came over to hang out at our house, my dad’s somewhat racist mate was over. He started speaking to her in that sllloooowww and LOUD voice he saved for anyone who didn’t understand English (pretty much every non-white person as far as he was concerned) and asked where she was from. She replied “Australia, I was born here”. He then asked where her parents were from and she answered, “my family came from China in the ’50s”. He was quite surprised at that and told her his parents had come out from the UK in the ’50′s also, and he considered himself quite the Australian now, did she? He didn’t see my dad smirking over in the corner…
Wasn’t he shocked when she told him her family had come out from China – during the Gold Rush in the 1850s! I may have sniggered a little behind my hand….
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Great article. I love that you say you’re from Brunswick (and womenswear – classic!). I’m an anglo-Aussie living in China and ask virtually everyone I meet where they’re from, more to start conversation. And when I’m back home, I like to talk to people about China (generally it’s only those from a Chinese heritage who are actually interested, like the family that run my local post office). I hope one day to be able to help some poor, lost, newly arrived, Mandarin-speaking immigrant to navigate a basic task in Australia as I have been helped on countless occasions by locals here
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You sound awesome! Xiexie ni.
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Great article, Biheng. Also I’ve got to say I felt really excited when I saw you went to NHS. Our alumni are everywhere, it seems
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Yep, we sure get around! Thanks for reading. x
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I am an Australian female with a mother of Asian descent and a father of Caucasian descent. I explained my heritage like that as some commenters seem to think if you look Chinese, you are Chinese, but myself and my parents are all Australian regardless of our appearances. Anyway, I look Caucasian and I have a French name and people always assume I am French if they know my name, or otherwise I guess they think I’m Aussie… but growing up I always wished I looked Asian because I loved the culture of that side of my family. Given the opportunity, I made sure everyone knew my heritage. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side.
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Very true!!
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Was very surprised to click on Mamamia and see a piece by a girl I went to school with. Congrats, Biheng! Awesome article
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Still waiving the NHS flag…
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I’m a Caucasian Aussie and I also get asked this question a lot. I usually say “well, my great grandparents were born here and that’s as far back as I know”.
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Sometimes I ask people because I am actually interested and find my anglo background a bit boring. Sorry……
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So true! As someone whose ancestors came to Australia way back in the convict days (i think!), i feel very boring when people ask me ‘where are you from?’ Living in Sydney these days it seems everyone has an interesting cultural background but me! I’m happy to be Australian but also feel like people are disappointed when i provide no interesting answer to their question.
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Omg totally relate!! I was born in India but raised in Sydney and have an Aussie accent to rival my bogan boyfriend! Still get asked where I’m from and it still confuses me as to whether they want to know what suburb, city or country. I like just saying the suburb haha
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I think there are two ways to ask the question about a person’s racial background. One is to ask with the intention of seeking some sort of common ground, the other is to ask with the intention to categorise difference or otherness. If the questioner has good intentions, I don’t think it’s worth getting offended over.
I ask people about their backgrounds often, but I do it with the hope that I will discover some sort of commanility between us; after all I have travelled a fair bit, live in a very multicultural part of Sydney, and have children and a partner who are part Asian part Caucasian. So if I ask someone about their background, it tends to be with the hope that it’ll lead to a conversation about a place we’ve both been to. I guess I tend to mainly ask people who have accents (all skins colours), and clearly have travelled here from somewhere else, rather than people who are clearly brought up here (regardless of skin colour).
I used to live in Canada, and found it sort of strange how few times people would enquire about my Australian accent. I sort of wanted to talk about home more, but at the same time Canada seemed to me to be a country with very little racism, and so perhaps it was inline with their general attitude about it just not being a big deal.
Having said that, I can understand that being asked about your racial background every time you meet a new person could get very annoying. I have experienced something similar as the only female student in a male class, and it was something that was discussed with me from well-meaning people repeatedly, to the point where I really just wanted to stop talking about it.
Anyway, great article, enjoyed reading it very much.
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I come from a Bangladeshi background. When I worked in retail a lady felt the need to tell me “Oh this has nice bright colours doesn’t it? Your people would love it, people from your part of the world love their bright colours don’t they?”
Me (dressed in all dark colours): “Yeah apparently they do…”.
Then she went on “So you’re Indian?”
“Nope”
“Sri Lankan”
“Nope”
“Where then?”
“Bangladesh”
“Oh…where’s that?”
Annoyed me at the time, but now I think about it and it makes me giggle. I felt like I should’ve told her to “thank you come again” in Apu’s voice
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It may very well be a simplistic view but you are infact Chinese right Biheng? Im struggling to find any comfort in this article. What if I, as a caucasian male, wrote an opinionated piece lambasting my white appearance as something I could no longer tolerate??? Accept who you are & what race you spawned from. Australia is a diverse multi-cultural society yet it is not blind to appearance…Im sure if I wanted to become Chinese & lived most of my life in China, Chinese folks would still call me a white man regardless of my upbringing…
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I guess there is a difference between being Chinese, and looking Chinese. And whether or not someone refers to themself as Chinese is to do with their own identity, as well as the identity of what is “Australian”.
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I know that you’re trying to pull apart this article, and I think it’s great that you’re trying to ask questions…. but I think you need to keep your caucasian male privilege in check. When, or why, would you as a member of the racial majority need to write an opinion piece whingeing about things you deal with daily as a result of your skin colour, shape of your eyes, pre-existing prejudice or even just your first name in Australia?
I think it’s very easy for you as a Caucasian male to make sweeping statements like “accept who you are and what race you spawned from” without knowing the implications of growing up as a first or second generation migrant from a race that is part of the minority–and please don’t mistake these implications as a complaint about migrating to Australia because that’s certainly not what I’m trying to highlight.
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I think Benjamin’s point is valid – ‘[If I had] lived most of my life in China, Chinese folks would still call me a white man regardless of my upbringing’.
If you physically look different you will at some point have to learn to accept this as part of life (I lived in Japan for many years and have experienced this myself).
Even a ‘privileged caucasian male’ is allowed to observe this fact.
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Yes that is a valid point but if Australia prides itself on being a multicultural and diverse society, why is there a “look” that is identified with being an Aussie?
I think in China/Japan, caucasians would be the minority so that comment does make sense but I’m not sure if it fits well in the Australian context
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Kinga, according to wiki,
‘Australian residents who identified themselves as having Chinese ancestry make up around four percent of Australia’s population or approximately 865,000 people as of 2011.’ I would call that a minority. Anglo-Celtic Australians make up around 65%, a majority. That’s why there is probably a ‘look’.
In America, there are African Americans, Hispanic Americans etc. Should they all give this up and just call themselves ‘American’ because it is multicultural?
It’s just a heritage distinction which also explains the many different ‘looks’ that make up the country.
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Try going through life as a red head with freckles – then you’ll experience real bias.
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Benjamin, I think I need to clarify here that I don’t mean to suggest I no longer tolerate being Chinese or that I’m unaccepting of it. If I gave that impression in the piece then that’s my error. The point I’m trying to make here is that for those of us who are ‘ethnic’ or have an identifying feature that makes us a bit ‘different’ or ‘unusual’, it can be pointed out to us A LOT. Like every day if you’ve worked in customer service! From the comments here, it seems that some people really identify with it; for other’s it’s an eye opening perspective. That’s all I hoped to accomplish.
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Benjamin, I rolled my eyes at ur Caucasian male comment but I agree with you that if u live in China, even Hong Kong and consider it “home” we would still call u “gwei lo” (sorry) and will ask u “where r u from?!” then if u say Hong Kong I will say, “yeah but, where r u from originally?!” XD
So fair enough, point taken.
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I get abused about being Asian and I’m Greek – go figure! It just confuses me. I just wish they’d use the correct insults you know.
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Damn Voula! youre Greek but folks think youre Asian… youve gotta post a pic somewhere.. I just dont believe it… I feel for you… Ive dated lots of greek gals here in Melbourne but never confused one with an Asian. Turkish maybe…But never Asian… hang in the Voula..ps: Surely they didnt think you were Asian after you told them your name was Voula???
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As a Eurasian Australian (mum’s Chinese-Malaysian, dad’s caucasian Australian), I THANK YOU sincerely for this post! AMEN, SISTA.
I am very (maybe a little too) happy to discuss my heritage with anybody that will listen. However, I get VERY annoyed when I have to deal with questions that start with “Where are you from?” I’m from PERTH, people. PERTH. I’m just as Australian as you are, can’t you tell from my accent?
You know what’s a better question to ask? “Where is your family originally from?” That opens it up to discussion so I don’t have to insist that I’m from Western Australia.
As a university student, I’ve found that multiculturalism and acceptance has really improved. Or maybe my looks have just changed and now I look more ‘white’, prompting less questions. But as a child, I had to deal with racism from classmates practically the entire time and I was made to feel ashamed of my Asian heritage. So please, parents… educate your children. I remember when I was 15 and this girl swam up to me in the Gold Coast and insisted that I was either ‘from China or from Japanese’. I know this incident wasn’t particularly discriminatory, but it sucks to feel marginalised in your own country.
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Thanks for commenting Jess. It’s funny how a comment from the age of 15 can stick in the memory for all those years. Very telling… xx
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I had a teacher in high school who asked my friend, in front of the class, what ethnic background her parents were and a series of similar questions after she replied “Australian” until my friend explained that her parents were both anglo-Australians and that they had adopted her from Korea when she was a baby. The teacher was mortified that she’d just interrogated this 13 year old girl and forced her to tell the whole class that she was adopted (not that it was a secret or that she cared, but still).
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4th generation Chinese-Australian, don’t need to say more :p However, my life experiences (and some of my family members) of being ABC’s (Australian born Chinese) haven’t been all that positive. Even today at the age of 31, I still get abused and questioned based on my Chinese appearance. Society in the 21st century has come a long way *insert sarcasm*
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Multiculturalism is still a relatively new thing here in Oz so I don’t see it as anything unusual to ask where someone is from. I remember growing up the only experience I had with Indian’s was the hari Krishna’s!! So I’m afraid that until we have all had time to adjust there is going to be the inevitable question of where are you from? And 99% are not from here…
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I wrote a comment a few hours ago, and it still hasn’t shown up. I also wrote an earlier question about where it might be, which hasn’t shown up or been responded to. Any ideas? Pretty sure there it wouldn’t be deemed inappropriate…
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Hi Tripitaka,
Were you using the same username for your original comment? I’ve spent a while trying to find it. I did see your later comment regarding the first missing comment.
- Myv, MM intern
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Yes, same username. Thanks for looking, must be lost in cyberspace somewhere.. might rewrite it later. Cheers.
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I’m always being asked this – it doesn’t upset me at all. I just assume it’s because I look slightly more interesting than the average joe.
Isn’t it similar to asking, ‘What did you do at uni?’ or ‘What do you do for work?’. If you’re not ashamed of your past or your heritage, does it matter?
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Nope people generally ask where are you from to a complete stranger if they think you where not born in Australia based soles on how you look
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I am a Caucasian Australian and my husband is Thai, we have 3 children and while I don’t usually get offended by questions, as most are well-meaning and not intended be be offensive, I do get amused by how many people ask if they’re my children, in places like the supermarket, doctors surgeries etc when I think it’s fairly clear that they are my children! We do get the odd derogatory comment, but overall people are very curious to know about the background of my children, as I know I’m biased, but they are beautiful and exotic looking I have to say :p, and I don’t mind people asking at all what they’re background is. 95% of the time, when I tell people their Dad is Thai, they come back with something positive saying how beautiful they are, and how lucky they are to grow up with a mix of two different cultures.
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I’m as white bread as they come and I get asked ‘where do you come from?’ all the time as well. Most people get very uncomfortable and awkward when I say my family has been here so long that we don’t know. It’s just a standard small talk question now, along with talk about the weather. Australia is so multicultural that often I hear “no one has ever said that!” in response to the “where do you come from question”!!
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Great piece!
Have to say though I think when a lot of people ask these kind of questions it’s coming from a well-meaning place? Sometimes people aren’t trying to insinuate you’re not Australian, they are just curious about your heritage?
Growing up in a small country town, there was not a large Asian or European population and so people weren’t exposed to different culture as much. So for many of them it is sheer curiosity about your background or, if you were born here, your family’s background. It’s fascinating for some people who may have never left the country and experienced other countries.
So please don’t think everyone is trying to be rude, because some people are just trying to get to know you better!
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I agree! Most people genuinely come at it from a kind place. Thanks for your kind words. x
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I’m Caucasian with dark brown hair and dark brown eyes. I constantly am asked where I’m from. I say Australia! Now where are you originally from? My mothers vagina? What do you want me say.
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LMAO!!!! I shall keep this in my back pocket- I came from my mum’s vagina! XD. Thank u!!!!
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I’m Caucasian with dark brown hair and dark brown eyes. I constantly am asked where I’m from. I say Australia! No where are you originally from? My mothers vagina? What do you want me say.
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Congratulations on getting such a wonderful piece published Biheng!
I hope this means you’ll no longer just be writing in your journal?!
Look forward to reading what’s on your mind next lady. xx
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Thank you Alex. Yes! First hurdle over. xx
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This resonates with me. In an old job, I used to have to talk to technicians on the phone a lot and they would often ask ‘Where does your name come from’ since I have an Aussie accent and an unusual name. I also have a complicated background and it wasnt something i liked to go into especially on a work call. Especially since a lot of the time, it would just be an afterthought at the end of the call, not a genuine interest. I dont often get asked this face to face, maybe i dont look approachable! but i did used to find it quite uncomfortable explaining my life story to strangers; I think more so because I am a private person than anything. So I could understand why some people who love making small talk/connecting with strangers wouldnt mind, but not everyone is like that. So I can understand this article and relate to it as well.
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I used to work in a call centre and this complicated background conversation happened to me all the time! Oh my, how did I forget?!
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That would drive me mad! I’m Irish and have been here 8 years. Being Caucasian I don’t stand out here (well in my country town anyhow) until I open my mouth. Then I get asked where I’m from etc. I’ve never had a negative response so it’s all good really except when people try and relive their Irish holiday with me and they can’t remember the names of anywhere they’ve been and we end up playing “sounds like Moolin, it was just outside Dublin, there was a great pub there and we went on a boat to these islands where they only spoke Gaelic” “do you mean Doolin and the Aran Islands?” “yes that’s the place!” “yeah Doolin is on the opposite side of the country to Dublin but I’m glad we wasted 10 minutes with me trying to figure out where you were”
Seriously who spends thousands of dollars to holiday in Ireland and then not remember the names of anywhere they went? Too much Guinness methinks!
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I get asked this a hundred times a night in the restaurant I work in. Interestingly I’m on teaching placement and my mentor thought I was Irish. The lovely man at the fish and chip place asked me and when I told him (it’s a complicated list) he said next time I should buy him a coffee while I told him. I don’t mind of people are interested in me but it’s normally about trying to pigeon hole my face. I love to say ‘how long do you have?’ or every where!
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I respond with, “Why are you asking me that question?” in a genuinely (faked) puzzled tone.
Sorts the “real” people from the would-be condescenders PDQ.
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I was born in Melbourne but grew up from the age of 3 in the UK. So 28 years of English upbringing gives me a rather strong Pommy accent. People don’t believe me when I say I’m an Aussie…
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Love this post! And can relate to it 110%! I still remember when someone asked me ‘how come you can speak English so well?’. My response simply ‘I was born in Australia, mate!’. Sometimes it does get the blood boiling, because there are a lot of us who are a white banana inside but yellow on the outside (only those in the know will understand that!) Open your eyes Australia — just because we don’t have blonde hair and blue eyes does not make us any less Australian!!!
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Haha I couldn’t agree with you more, the funny thing is I have blonde hair and blue eyes, am an Australian with Aussie parents but Finish grandparents. I can’t tell you how many times I get chased down the streets of Sydney with someone asking me where I’m from, in fact every conversation starts with “you’re from Sweden right?” So even us blondies aren’t safe!
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Great post and worth a few laughs. But seriously, thanks for raising this issue. We adopted our two kids (9 and 2) from China and we get lots of questions. Of course we (or they) cop the double whammy of enquiries about being Chinese and being adopted. Mostly its curious and non-judgemental. I have to say some of the most intrusive questions come from Chinese people. Our daughter is getting to an age where its getting uncomfortable. We tell her that at the end of the day her story is hers to tell, if and when she wants to.
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Kids growing up just want to feel that they belong. It’s really quite simple. Love to your family. x
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Thankyou for this post, it was so much needed.
As a young Australian born Chinese woman it can get extremely disheartening to see blatant acts of microaggression played out in front me; and I find myself tiring of having to explain that I was born here, grew up here, and was educated here. In a multicultural country, it’s not my job to educate a caucasian person on how to conduct themselves around persons of colour without being racist.
Not only have I, and other friends experienced first hand racism (even for some of us despite being eurasian background), but I am really insulted when caucasian people start with the ‘everyone has some kind of background/people are just asking because they’re interested/~you’re so exotic’. a) how many times do you ask a caucasian person what their background is? because i’ve honestly never come across this in social circles, an islander, italian, middle eastern or asian looking person yes, but never a caucasian. b) yes, the person may be interested in knowing my background, but what they don’t see is the fact they’re distinguishing that I am different, that I am a foreigner and I don’t belong. NEVER have I had a caucasian person ask me “what is your background?” then turn to the caucasian person next to me and ask the same question.
c) I am not exotic, nor does being of a mixed race make me more attractive. Sure someone might have good intentions when they state “I thought you were eurasian, you’re so exotic looking” but what they don’t see that they are doing is fetishizing my appearance/culture, and subtly implying that I would be more/less attractive if I were 100% of Asian background instead of mixed race.
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I think you just made some sweeping generalisations about Caucasians! *face slapped* !!
I am forever discussing that I am half English with a parent born there (he arrived here by boat), and that I my first ancestors to arrive here were from Scotland in the 1850s, and that they didn’t speak any English. I constantly get asked about my heritage, as in am I Russian or Polish or Eastern European (no, none of those is close).
Don’t be out to get offended by conversations, or you’ll end up doing just that.
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I apologise if you felt like this was a generalization personally targeting you, but that wasn’t my intention.
It’s extremely difficult to remain cool headed, smiley and calm when you are constantly made to feel marginalised. This isn’t an upset over 10, 20 or 30 people asking these questions or behaving in the examples I listed, this is from frustration of years of microaggression from people I meet in the street, people I’ve befriended, people I’ve been in relationships with and from the us vs them perspective offered by a lot of media.
In general I never attack a person for asking where I’m from/what my background is, but it’s a tiresome question that comes with a lot of cultural and racial undertones that are more complex than you describing your Anglo-European heritage to a Caucasian.
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What do you mean by microaggression? I think I understand in the context of strangers, but am unsure when you say you experience it within relationships. I don’t want to inadvertently engage in it through ignorance.
My family experiences the reverse situation. My partner looks very Caucasian, and gets questioned about his surname when in Chinese restaurants, or checking into Aisan hotels, flights and so forth. My son is a blonde with green eyes; I have been correcting people’s spelling of his surname since his first visit to the child and maternal health nurse.
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micro aggression within relationships is simply when the person exposes their prejudice or bias in a subtle, non physically aggressive way.
e.g. “he’s attractive for a Chinese man”; “Mixed races are so much more attractive”; “I’m not racist but…”; “You speak English really well”; “Can you teach me how to say ‘x’ in your language” etc.
People you are friends with or in a relationship with can say these things just as easily as a stranger, unless you’ve schooled them in how not to be microaggressive (aka how not to be racist.)
It’s not that the intent of saying these things is with a racist attitude, but it is what saying them implies. You are pointing out that the person you’re speaking with is physically different and foreign to you and you are making an assumption on their intelligence based on their race.
There are a lot of implications in making microaggressive statements when the person you are talking with considers their identity to be Australian and lets their background or heritage come second.
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Thanks for answering – I would never have thought asking how to say something in another language would fit, so have definitely learned something today. I guess we all need to be aware that intent and perception can be vastly different, and think a little before speaking.
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Whoa, I don’t think they are out to get offended by conversations. If someone finds a conversation offensive then they find it offensive, regardless of the intentions of converser.
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This a thousand times!!
I am also not ‘exotic’ nor a way for you to satisfy your yellow fever!
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im a first generation australian with colombian parents ive been asked a variation of these questions my whole life. Depending on the mood im in i can talk for ages or i give them single word answers. the latest a month ago was when someone said ‘you have great english for an immigrant’ I said thank you..then walked away and laughed
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Personally, I love discussing my ancestral origins with strangers. Equally, I enjoy discussing others ancestral origins with them. I find the interaction a fascinating way for me to appreciate different cultures and personal histories.
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Me too Bradley
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Me too Bradley. I love asking where people’s heritage is. It doesn’t matter if they’re Chinese, or Indian, or English. And to be honest most people like answering. So it really upsets me when people get uppity about it. Very few people ask to be rude. Unless you’re an Aboriginal in Australia you are a migrant to Australia so I don’t think you should be offended or ‘annoyed’ if people ask where you’re from. You’re just getting ‘annoyed’ that someone wanted to genuinely connect with you. How dare they.
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I admit to feeling a little confused by the tone of this article. I honestly don’t know if Biheng is insinuating that anyone who questions her heritage is doing so for racist reasons or not, but that is kind of what I’m getting.
Biheng, is my feeling correct ? Are you implying racist connotations ?
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Hi Bradley,
The vast majority of the time that I get asked about my background, I feel it comes from a genuinely warm place. For that reason, it’s definitely not racism. The reason why I wanted to write the piece is for the very reason that it’s so trivial and, in isolation, none of those questions are noteworthy. But gee, it’s happened to me a lot and I was very curious to see if my experience is shared by others who may appear a little bit different, whether that’s ethnicity, a disability, appearance etc.
Thanks for the question!
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