Sick? Just don’t take your temperature.
Yesterday, new Government rules designed to keep kids from catching bugs and viruses in child care, had everybody talking (you can read all about that here).
So in honour of those new rules and in the spirit of truthfulness about less-than-perfect-parenting, we wanted to share with you this excerpt from Sh*tty Mum: The Parenting Guide For The Rest Of Us, the New York Times bestseller.
*this post is designed to be tongue-in-cheek, not taken as serious advice, people…..
How to deposit your sick kid at childcare before the teacher figures it out.
If you read the headline and thought, ‘Oh, I could never do that! It’s so irresponsible! Just stay home!’, then this is not for you. Move along, princess. Enjoy your supportive husband or your family nearby or your boss who lets you work from home, or your own money, or whatever it is you have that allows you to react to a working mum’s dilemma with such horror.
Bye-bye.
Is she gone? Good. It’s time to discuss the only parenting topic more taboo than incest; taking your sick kid to daycare.
Let’s set the table properly so all concemed can understand what’s at stake. First off, you have a job. You can’t stay at home to care for your daughter and no one else is available either. Yes, you are aware that if you bring her to daycare, she’s going to get another kid sick. Well, you can’t think about that right now. Eyes on the prize: you have a job.
For now.
If you lose your job because you stayed home with your little baby, terrible things will happen. You will fall back on your rent or mortgage and you will be evicted. You and your child(ren) will be thrown onto the streets, in this economy. To pay for the seedy hotel that you now call home, you will sell your body. You will strut all over your corner (yes, you will secure a corner) and lean into car windows. You will negotiate the price of a blow job. And sister, they go for a lot less than they should.
And where are the kids during all this debauchery? If you couldn’t leave them home alone when you had a good job, you certainly can’t do it now. The kids are in your car, counting your money. For now, they don’t know how you earn it. All they know is: Mummy goes for a ride, then Mummy brings back $35. Ten or twenty times a day.
‘Well;’ you tell yourself, ‘at least they’re getting good at math[s].’
Ok, this may not be exactly how things play out, but it’s what you have to tell yourself to stay focused.
A parenting guide for the rest of us.
The nuts and bolts of a sick daycare drop-off
1. Never bring your child to nursery/school if she has a fever.
2. Correction: never bring your child to school if you know she has a fever, which is why you should never take your child’s temperature, especially if she feels hot. The less you know, the less you have to lie about.
3. Teachers can tell when you’re lying. Like cops, they hear the same bullshit over and over again. If the teacher asks point-blank if your daughter has a fever, you can’t say no when the answer is yes without tipping her off. However you can look her in the eyes and say, ‘Not that I know of.’ Because it’s true. Information is your enemy.
4. Drop her off during a busy time, like a 8 a.m. Get lost in the herd of mums dropping off their healthy-for-now kids. The run. Try to be in your car before your kid coughs.
5. Teach your child how to cough into her elbow. The less your kid coughs on others, the less likely the teacher is to call you at work.
6. Teach her how to say, ‘I have allergies.’ If she’s particularly articulate: ‘year-round allergies’.
7. If the teacher does call you at work, don’t pick up the phone. Better yet, leave the phone in the car. How can you feel guilty about missing a call if you don’t have your phone with you? Remember: information is your enemy.
8. Don’t return a call from daycare until the second voicemail. If you kid is really sick, they will leave multiple messages.
9. If you have to pick up your kid, wait until the end of the day. Pick her up an hour earlier than normal. You’ll still get there before closing time, but you won’t be leaving work too early.
10. You work when you’re sick – most people do. How can we compete in a global economy if our kids stay home every time they have a ‘cold’ or ‘strep throat’? Take your sick kid to daycare. For yourself. For the economy.
This post was originally published on Mamamia’s sister site, iVillage.
ABOUT THE BOOK: We’ve all been there, between a rock and mum place… where there are just too many Sh*tty Mom moments to think about. Like handing your child the iPhone at dinner so you can eat quietly at a restaurant, or baking cupcakes for your child’s birthday celebration at school (only to learn that half the class eats gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free).Sometimes you just want to give up! Well you can’t.This book is about how to survive babies, and what they grow into: children. You can buy it here
Confessions time: What’s your worst naught parent story?
Comments
211 Comments so far
Well it’s all good when you return to work with your sick child is in daycare. All too good except for responsible parents who quarantine their sick child. I am certainly not willing to pay for my child NOT to be in daycare. Think of it in the context of responsible parents subsidising daycare fees for the irresponsible parents.
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A suggestion to Mamamia:
Since the “dinner party” blurb about being nice and respectful to others clearly doesn’t cut the mustard, have you considered adding a toggle button so that commenters could specify whether the opinion they are sharing is their well considered and diplomatic “polite dinner party with people you’ve never met before” opinion or their “drinks with best mates” opinion that’s a little more down and dirty? I really think it might help with perspective. We all have harsh and unforgiving gut reactions and opinions that we’d only share with the people who understand us best and know how good our hearts really are, but I think when we get on the internet it’s easy to forget who our audience is. Would be good to have a reminder.
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Yeah yeah, funny article…BUT if you knowingly send your sick kid to Preschool, get away with it, go to work, and its all good…for you…BUT your kid gets other kids sick, and their parents may not have any options other, than NOT going to work. They loose money not working and they have to pay childcare on top of that. Be responsible:)
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Ok I’ll admit it – I found this really funny. The main message to me was highlighting the desperation working mums feel when they have to take yet another day off to care for their sick child. I don’t know about other working mothers but I have found this aspect of parenting the most difficult – more stressful than the exhaustion, time constraints etc.I’m disappointed that most of the posts have just commented on the literal meaning of the article – instead of the sanctimonius outrage, it would have been interesting to have more of a discussion on just how difficult it is juggling work and parenting. Humour is a great way to off-load and de-stress and I think that was the purpose of the article.
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Im not sure about anyone elses DC, but at the on I send my son too, they give you a booklet when you enrol with the illnesses that are OK to send (like common colds etc) it then elaborates. If there is fluid being coughed, conjunctivitis, fever, listfulness, then it tells you that they cant go. I think this should be common sense anyway and perhaps says a lot about any parent who would send their kids to DC if they had more than a cold. It also includes the exclusion periods for a range of virus and diseases.
24 HOURS FOR VOMITING PEOPLE! I don’t want to have just gotten over gastro a week ago then turn up to DC and overhear you telling another mother that your kids had it last night!
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My children attended 3 different childcare centers over a couple of years and all 3 centers gave me a list of illnesses that require exclusion. All 3 lists specified that it is ok to attend with just a common cold. So all the parents saying they are being called to pick up a child with just a ‘sniffle’ are not being honest.
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Shall we play the judgement game?? If your kid is soo sick that he catches bugs all the time perhaps you should keep him home permanently and stop being so selfish and heartless to send him to daycare where you know he will get sick!!!!
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So you one school your kids ?
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U missed the point Rebecca, my comment was directed at those who keep telling us their children can’t be around any kid with even a sniffle! Suggesting we keep our kids out until they are 100% 7-10 days each sniffle.. I was suggesting that perhaps they should keep their child at home permanently instead of us
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Oh dear, The comments on this post are so sad. They are babies, under 5. When did society lose sight of this fact. They are babies. I’m a fully fledged adult but still need nuturing and comfort when I’m sick. I sometimes want my Mum even.
When did mothers stop mothering? When did kids become second class citizens? stay home til they go to school, then you don’t have to take time off to look after them when they are sick. How about putting them first for a change?
Simplify your life, sacrifice some things, stop having baies you can’t afford. Stop having babies to men who won’t support you. Take some responsibility.
Man, reading all this makes me so depressed. Your children should be THE most important precious thing in your life and you should put them FIRST.
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I presume you feel the same about fathers?
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No matter how much you try to change it, mothers mother. Mothers gestate, give birth, breastfeed and are biologically equipped to be primary caregivers for infants. Those things are not interchangeable with fathers. Trying to change what is biologically predetermined has resulted in kids being outsourced like any product or commodity. If that’s the way you want to procreate, so be it. Just don’t complain about it.
It may be oldfashioned, antiquated, whatever you want to call it. It still works best. The father is the provider (during the vital nuturing years) and the mother is the MOTHER.
Oh and for goodness sake the babies are the BABIES. Babies. Precious little totally dependant beings who need to feel loved ALL the time, not just when it’s convenient to the mother. They need to feel secure and safe and valued, not palmed off to the nearest pen of babies, where they are forced to fend for themselves.
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Well, that all sounds scarily Brave New World, but I can assure you the reality is very, very different. My kids are not a commodity, they are loved by everyone in their lives – and that includes their carers at daycare, who are dedicated, warm, and loving, with patience that I could only hope to possess, and they are people we have come to know and trust. The kids are dropped off at 9am, picked up before 5pm, 3 days a week. Hardly farmed out for the duration of their infancy.
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What if the dad doesn’t assume his so called natural role as a primary provider? A lot of them these days (and I can talk) are very happy with the whole equality of the sexes presumptions and will only do the financial minimum. A lot of mothers have no choice but to go back to work to compensate for the lack of financial support for themselves and the kids. It is not exactly a choice for a lot of women to go back to work, they do it to improve their kids lives… it is not selfish of them quite the opposite and they also cannot do this alone… the system has to provide them with support so that they can balance their role as primary care-givers and bread-winners.
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Not entirely sure what you mean charliemama but if you mean -what about deadbeat Dads?, my thoughts are this:
Less jumping into bed with the first man (possible dropkick) you meet, less having babies with someone you sort of think is pretty hot (or whatever floats your boat) but know nothing about their suitablility to be the father of your child ( a lifetime position), less being “in love” enough to have a baby but not to not enough to commit to a long term relationship, and the situation so many (stupid) women find themselves in would be rare.
Sadly these days, it goes meet, have sex (often on the same night), move in together (after a couple of weeks) have a couple of kids, decide you are completely incompatible, separate, make the babies pay for your poor decision making.
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you seem to have a very “black and white” vision of life. I was with my partner for 6 years before we had our daughter. Ok, I admit we didn’t plan to have her so soon but he is a responsible person who always has a job and hates dolebludgers. I thought: even though we split everything in half now because we are still young and have no commitments like mortgages/kids… I know he will be there for his kids once they arrive. Don’t get me wrong he is a great dad and I respect him greatly as a person but the situation got so dire once we had our daughter that we had to move into his dad’s house to live rent-free. He has all the best intentions in the world but I had to step up anyway because his income alone just doesn’t cut it at the moment. We both have to work full-time to be able to pay rent for a place big enough for the 3 of us + food etc and to repay the small debt we have incurred from trying to buy a decent car in the past (the car ended up being written off after just a few weeks owning it)…
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also something you may consider in a real life scenario is the fact that people evolve and change in life. You might be in a relationship with someone responsible and happy for years and then something happens, the toll of the relationship, something in their career, something in their personal lives, and all of a sudden everything comes apart and you have to find a way to keep going without them. There are so many scenarios possible and ones that happen everyday, a parent knows more than anyone else how unpredictable life can be (do you have kids?).
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I’m sorry charliemama, not black and white, but generalising. It matters not what your personal circumstances are.
I have children but that too is irrelevant.
I wish you and your partner well.
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Oh, guest, you just digging that hole don’t you?
Mothers are biologically “programmed” to gestate, give birth and suckle infants/toddlers. Other than that, parents are designed to parent equally.
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Ignoring the hideously judgemental, generalising, and quite frankly a bit weird comment at the end of your post, what about another scenario? What about when the mother wants to go back to work after a few weeks/months/years and the father wants to stay home – thus swapping your traditional mother=homemaker and father=provider roles?
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Didn’t anyone read the ‘move along’ warning at the top?
Has the whole country lost it’s collective sense of humour?
I’m pretty sure I took my (now 21) son to daycare when he was sick occasionally. I was a single mum for a lot of his childhood and had a series of very unsympathetic bosses and a need to keep a (rather small) roof over our heads. Guess what? I even went to work when I was sick occasionally when I had something really important to do.
Now, here’s something really shocking! I had a glass of wine on the New Years eve when I was 4 months pregnant. I ate meat and soft cheese. I jogged and might have even had a sneaky smoke. Or not. I drank Mylanta straight from the bottle.
I let my son get dirty and never used hand sanitizer, ever. I vaccumed when he was in bed asleep and had been known to read the newspaper to him in a sing song voice and pretend it was a little golden book to manage my time. I smacked his fingers if he was doing something dangerous and generally failed to be the perfect parent. When he finally went to sleep I also sometimes drank wine. More than one glass.
I encouraged him to catch buses, take risks, I vaccinated and taught him road safety. I taught him how to ride a bike. I closed my eyes when he taught himself the skateboard. He is happy and healthy. No allergies or asthma. Despite my rubbish parenting….
So there!
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I drank before I knew I was pregnant. Like, a really bad, three day bender! I ate soft poached eggs, salad sandwiches and mayonnaise. I drank champagne while i breast fed. Usually literally while i breast fed to allow the maximum time for it to work out of my system before the next breast feed. I let my son pick his nose and don’t always get the kids to wash their hands before they eat. I discovered that tv is a brilliant baby sitter when you suffer 6 months of morning sickness and that good tv viewing skills are a skill for life. I used intensive lolly therapy to speed up toilet training and it worked a treat (pardon pun). I don’t think my son has eaten salad in his short little life.
Both kids are articulate, happy, kind, smart, healthy, gorgeous, despite my crappy parenting. So there!
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Mamamia team, I get it. Please don’t stop writing these real, but tongue in cheek articles just because they are taken too seriously. I know you’re not going to send your kids when they are truly sick, you love them too much for a start, but seriously if we stayed at home with our kid every time he coughed or sneezed none of us would have jobs and the kids wouldn’t be at school enough to learn anything. A cold generally lasts a week to 10 days – if one of my staff members took 2 weeks off work for a cold I would be questioning them – but that’s what we’re supposed to do when our child has a cold? A few times a year? Times a few kids? I get it, it’s a fine line, we struggle with mother guilt the most on these days – perhaps in part due to the judgement of Mums who are in the position to keep their kids home as soon as they look like sneezing. No one wants other kids or Childcare workers to get sick, but in reality there are many many people wandering around out there sick on any given day, we can’t keep our children completely sheltered.
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Chillax, some of your defensive SAHM / anti working parent comments simply don’t make sense. Working parents likely want all these same things – the GP visit, the coffee, the social lunch – but have about 40 less hours opportunity each week to do it.
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Kitten you miss the point entirely. Working parents have the luxury of 40 hours childfree time a week to do these things. Stay at home parents are criticised for having maybe one day.
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Chillax they may be child free but they are at work so how can they do these things?
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Lunchbreak – I know I used to get my legs waxed or have lunch with the girls in mine.
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Lunchbreak? I either lunch al desko and get straight back to it, or race up to the supermarket/chemist/check the PO box. I compress my hours slightly so I can pick the kids up early. I often find errands fall behind, because when I’m at home, I think “too hard! I’ll do it when I’m at work.” And when I’m at work I think “too hard! I’ll do it when I’m at home.” Etc.
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You were lucky then. When you have 30 mins in a crappy hospital/community health cafeteria, you don’t get time to lunch with the girls/have your legs waxed. I don’t even take time out after work to do this, because often I’m racing to the supermarket/post office/shops and then to pick up kids so I can take them somewhere.
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Thankyou Faybian, that was my point. You can race to the post office/supermarket/shops without your kids making the whole process take twice as long as twice as stressful because they are not with you. To a SAHM without a day of childcare for respite that is a luxury!
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No funnily enough my boss wants me to work when I am being paid to do so. I am busy at work and don’t have time for lunches or appointments, I have to squeeze those in on the weekend.
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Child free doesn’t mean free to do what you want. I’m at work, doing work. I have to squeeze all those other things in PLUS work not instead of
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I know that!!! I was simply stating that stay at home parents are entitled to some respite from childcare too. Being with kids 24/7 without any break is a recipe for a breakdown!!
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i’ve tried to comment twice and cannot see my comment appear…Mamamia team why is it so??? I commented on the article about Chrissie Swan and that worked…
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Can’t find any deleted comments of yours on this post? Not sure what happened! Sorry if it was a problem at our end….xx
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Thanks Mia, I will attempt one more time…:-)
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just tried again and still can’t see my post… sometimes it takes a little while to appear so keeping my fingers crossed
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Mia, seriously. This post made me really angry. My niece had only one career wish. She wanted to work in Childcare.
Unfortunately one selfish parent brought her child to school when they were sick. My niece caught whatever that child had and got fibromyalgia as a result. She is now unable to work and follow her chosen career path.
So please people, consider others and for heaven’s sake, keep your kid at home when they’re sick.
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The article clearly is not condoning leaving your sick children at day care as it says, it’s merely tongue in cheek. What has happened to your niece is terrible but Mia isn’t telling everyone to do the dash with their sick kids
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Your niece is taking you for a ride, fibromyalgia cannot be “caught” . They still do not completely know the cause but it is most likely linked to an over abundance of pain recepting nerve cells, of which she may have a genetic predisposition. Stress, IBS and CFS are also queried.
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From people’s comments I’m a bit unclear on the meaning of sick. I remember going to school with colds all the time, and often to work as well. Do people now have to stay at home just with a common cold? The girl I babysit has to stay at home from daycare if she has a cold sore so they must be pretty vigilant at hers.
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Cold sores are pretty contagious, and I would be pretty pissed off if my daughter caught herpes from a kid at kindy.
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Can anyone help…… i have a gorgeous 6 year old, who is quite strong willed and seems to only want to play with one child at a time. She struggles at play time and not sure how to get her to play as I’m not there. Any help?
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Might want to look and see if shes got a mild form of aspergers… Kid I babysit is like this, can’t handle more than one kid at a time and it causes fights between her friends.
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I understand this article is tongue and cheek and I am super sensitive right now, but I’m pretty ticked off.
As somebody who works with young children and as somebody who’s baby girl just died in-utero at 20 weeks from a CMV infection I contracted–I beg you, if your child is sick, keep them home! What is CMV? You can google it, but in short it’s a flulike virus you catch, most likely, from young children since most adults already have immunity. It can cross the placenta and cause birth defects or stillbirths. You may think your child just has a cold or flu (who cares if anyone else catches it, right??) but it could actually be a virus that can cause massive harm and heartache to that person you love and trust with your children everyday.
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And how about vomiting? Am I the only person left who obeys the ‘don’t return to school until 24 hours after vomiting has stopped’ rule??
I have lost count of the number of people who have casually told me their child had been up vomiting the night before, just as they wave them off to school! Why are people so cruel? When I’m recovering from vomiting I want lemonade icy poles and a day on the couch watching tv. Why are kids any different?
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I would be livid if I overheard someone saying that at daycare, but then I’m 99% sure daycare would send them straight back out the door if that was the case. The exclusion periods (based on our health dept regulations) are 24h for vomiting, 48h for diarrhoea.
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I can still clearly recall a day about 12 years ago when I was dropping my daughter off at daycare and a father dropping his child off told one of the carers that ‘she has diarrhoea so I’ve packed a few extra nappies’..
I was shocked!!
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This would probably be funny if it weren’t so true.
I had blood tests last year which highlighted the many and varied viruses and infections I had contracted and/or been exposed to in that year……it’s just ridiculous how many parents bring their sick kids to school. Yeah yeah….I get it….you have to go to work. So do I! Take your sick kid to your workplace if you need an adult to mind him/her…..not mine. My colleagues and I used to joke about the day when schools have temperature detecting devices that kids have to walk through in order to be able to attend for the day………like in the airports when bird flu came. Brilliant.
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Youv’e obviously hit a raw nerve. Lets face it we have all been a bit guilty of being a desperate parent. Im sure teachers are also guilty of going to work sick and passing their germs onto the children. The real question is what is too sick to go to daycare! Please don’t say a cold lets face it kids need to build up a resistance.
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Something about this title seems a bit wrong to me….
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It’s a joke people. Lighten up.
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Yeah, except that really it’s not…
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Yes it may be a joke however people actually do this in real life. Sending there child doped up on panadol isn’t very funny in real life.
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Can’t find it funny because it all so very true.
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Imagine your worst day with a cold, then imagine sitting in a children’s play centre all day- this is what it is like for the sick child at day care.
I wouldn’t wish that on an enemy, let alone a child.
I was a preschool teacher, it is not an environment conjusive to recuperation and rest…..
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And you being a preschool teacher is not ‘conducive’ to your students learning to spell…
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That’s a bit mean. Empathy, which Milumi3 obviously has, is far more important for a preschool teacher to have than excellent spelling skills. And her point still stands, even if she misspelt one word.
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I had a student in Year 1 throw up all over me, an hour after bring deposited at school. Yeah, just dump your kids at school parents. Nice one.
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Lighten up a bit my child went to school for all l new feeling fine and vomited at school 2 hours later dont presume the child was sent to school knowingly unwell
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Children are fairly honest and will admit to teachers that they were sick before they came to school, but Mum or Dad told them not to tell the teachers. Teachers and child care workers are not upset about the child who does get sick during the day, but the times when parents knowingly send very sick children come to school.
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Ok, I get that this is kind of tongue-in-cheek. But what the poor kid? Don’t take their temperature? Are you for real? about the other families who have to take time off work because your child has made 10 other kids sick?
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Did anyone else’s mum send them to school with the words “Just go and see how you feel. You’ll be fine in an hour or two”, only to be sent home after throwing up at school? My mum did that numerous times. Only when I became a teacher did I find out how thoroughly annoying that is. In my mum’s defense, she did it not because she worked (she didn’t), but because she suspected we were exaggerating and thought we should toughen up a bit.
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This was me! My mum was in the medical industry so you virtually had to be on your deathbed before being allowed to stay home. I found it thoroughly annoying even as a kid!
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I am a preschool teacher and this pisses me off. I get sick and have to have time off work because crappy parents have brought their kids to school sick and then because they are sick we have to cuddle them until their crappy parents arrive.
Yeah I get the whole not being able to take a day off work. My employer gets upset when we call in sick coz our children are sick ( ironic isnt it? ) but tough. You should look after your kids when they are sick instead spreading the germs and making a lot of other kids ( and teachers ) sick.
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I am aware that this post is sarcastic and tongue in cheek . But on a serious note I am a child care worker and it’s not just this other children getting sick that worries us. It’s the fact that you drop off ur sick child then we spend all day with a crying clingy child who wants noone but their mummy. It’s heartbreaking to hear a two year old cry all day with a runny nose and we become their mum c.uz their real mum left them there sick. So when ur at work after knowingly dropping off ur sick child to daycare whether u inform the staff or not, just realise that a majority of the time ur child is crying all day for you, their mother. I hope all ur material worries outweigh your maternal instincts and the knowledge that urges child needs you, not the big house ur working to buy.
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Crap! I’ve been working since my kids were babies. They’re 11 and 8 now and I still don’t have a big house… in fact, I don’t have any house… just a letter from my real estate agent telling me I’m $110 behind on my rent.
Tragically, all those times I ditched my sick kids at daycare were all for nothing.
I get what you’re saying anon 2, but enough of the generalising.
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Much of the point you make is valid, however in some cases people’s so-called material worries might be putting food on the table and a roof over their heads. Also without parents working, there would be less jobs in your industry! And as always, in so many of these comments about “bad” mothers, where is the same judgey commentary about “bad” fathers? Sexism is rife and from commentary on MM lately it would appear sometimes women are the worst offenders.
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Wow. Way to make us working mums feel crappy.
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I worked in day care for 5 years, and am now a primary teacher – seriously – this drives me up the wall! Parents who bring their children in sick, create a never ending circle of sickness in that environment. In the long run, it doesn’t benefit them or any one else.
Also – the amount of days I have had to take off from getting ill working with these children is not cool! We all have the right to work in a safe environment – that’s why the policies are there.
I get that people are trying to see the funny side, but it just isn’t one of those situations.
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I work in childcare and its not only the other families that are at risk when parents bring in their sick child in, it is also me and my family that also end up sick.
Parents need to think before they dose their child up and send them to kindy, we know when a child is unwell and has been dosed up that morning but are unable to send them home until they show further symptoms.
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is there a list of acceptable diseases that childcare workers are expected to look after and other children in care be exposed to.. Bearing in mind that the child being dropped off probably hasn’t been to see a Doctor. Say meningitis…appendicitis, sub Dural Haemotomas, swine flu, rabies, ebola,scabies. After all it is a day care, pre school, not a hospital. Maybe the childcare centres should have a number of qualified nurses and a ward for sick children. as well as a Doctor on call. Of course fees would have to be adjusted accordingly.
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Typical selfish working parents. Only thinking about themselves and not others. Sadly this is not funny as parents actually do these things …
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Not all working parents are selfish!!!!!
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Yes typical selfish working parents, how dare they worry about keeping a roof over their heads and food in their tummies!
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Not all working parents are selfish and not all working parents drop their kids of sick. I can’t count how many times my kid has gotten sick or conjunctivitis from the same little girl at day care who’s none working mother knowingly drops her off sick. You would be surprised at how many kids in day care don’t belong to working parents.
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How can you possibly make such a ridiculous generalisation? My mum worked 5 days a week from the day I started prep, and is still working 5 days a week long after I finished year 12. My dad has also worked 5 days a week my entire education and continues to. Of course there were days when i’d be sent to school to “see how I went”, and some days, it didn’t go so great.
My parents felt that by working, they could give me the best opportunities in life, and I am so grateful for their sacrifices.
Comments like these make me never want to have children, but then of course i’d be labelled a “selfish childless by choice person”
It’s absolute madness.
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Why are they at day care if their mothers don’t work? Is that a stupid question?
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Socialisation? Boosting their immune system?
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Well I am a SAHM who used day care once a week for 9 months. I have two children and we had just moved to a new town and had no family or friends around us. My son was a newborn and my daughter a toddler and it was just the start of winter. It was an awesome period of my life. Not. Anyway after a winter spent at home with them, day in day out, fighting with my husband and generally feeling like I was never, ever going to settle into our new area, my husband suggested I put them in DC one day a week. I was very reluctant and I felt bad but I so desperately wanted something, anything different so I went along to my local DC. they were lovely and I was impressed with the set up.
So I sent the kids along, I never, ever felt 100% about it, even though my daughter loved it and the boy seemed to like it, but honestly I needed it, so I would drop them off and spend the day…….yes you guessed it….doing the floors at home lol! 3 times I went to the movies and 2 times my husband and I lunched. Mostly I shopped and did housework and just enjoyed the silence in my house.
But as time went by I got to know more people and our days filled up with play dates and our circle became bigger. So I took them out again and I felt so relieved! I felt guilty telling other people I had the kids in care 1 day a week and I worried I was taking up a space a working parent needed so after I took them out I felt so relieved. Mad I know.
So that’s why I put them in DC! And there are a lot of children in DC who have 1 parent at home full time.
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That’s right I forgot, if both parents aren’t working their stay at home parent isn’t entitled to some respite from parenting and a chance to go to the GP alone, have a coffee in peace and maybe even have lunch with a friend. That’s just reserved for families who have both parents working.
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That does not make sense how can the working mum do those things when she is obviously at work, not putting her feet up at home while some one else is paid to provide child care!!
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Everyone I know who works manages a lunchbreak, time to duck out during the day..tell me thats not normal?
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As stated above, no it’s not always normal. I have friends who are lawyers, public servants and teachers for instance who very rarely do not work through lunch.
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I don’t take lunch or have time for ducking out. Too busy working to get home in time to my kids!
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Yes I get a lunch break…in the staff room. Duck out? No I don’t get that opportunity, I’m a teacher and there is no ducking out. I don’t know many working people who’s bosses let hem duck out for personal tasks or have lunch breaks with friends. But I don’t begrudge SAHM putting their kids in day care either, just be nice to get some recognition that working and parenting is no picnic with long lunches and shopping!
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Absolutely, no problem with non-working parents using daycare, as long as there isn’t a working parent waiting on a list who desperately needs that place.
…and as long as they chillax about their kid picking up bugs at daycare, because if that were to happen then the impact to their life would be pretty minimal really wouldn’t it?
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Well no, it would be the same as any working parent – miserable. Working parents are entitled to sick-leave etc, so I would guess the financial impact you imply would be irrelevant too.
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It is just becoming impossible to parent these days with the welter of criticism and down right hostility that breaks through any parenting discussion, even tongue in cheek as this one is. Please think about what you are saying every time you criticise another woman’s ideas or actions as a parent. You are saying “that cow is stupid, she doesn’t know how to be a mother” and you are perpetuating the underlying idea that all women are stupid and need constant criticism and observation to make sure they are doing things properly.
I do sympathise with parents who have kids with asthma, my husband has severe asthma, both my kids have it and my nephew died from it, but your child is going to have asthma issues at school, home and later, in the workplace. No child is 100% healthy all the time, chances are once the cold symptoms are showing the sick child has already passed their virus on to your child.
More could be done to emphasise hygiene at home, in the child care centre and at school. A relative’s children are always getting sick and I could not figure out why until I spent a day with them. They ran in and out of the loo all day and never once washed their hands, nor did they wash their hands before eating, nor did their parents wash their hands before preparing food. It is such a simple step and it saves so much hassle.
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I know this is supposed to be tongue in cheek but I think it actually encourages parents to do this.
Trying to cover 10 weeks of school holidays and sick leave for 2 kids or more,if both parents are working would be a nightmare.
I feel sorry for childcare workers who have the face the consequences of desperate parents.
But some parents (those who are single or with no family support or difficult bosses) would be forced to do this.
I was lucky I was a SAHM when my kids were little but I often said to my husband how difficult it would have been if I was working because we had no family support.
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I appreciate the humour in the above, and also note that it’s an American piece, ie. written in a cultural context that is notoriously unforgiving of working mums and their families.
But since few are getting the humour, I’ll give my serious view instead
When my daughter started daycare, I used to inwardly seethe every time I saw another child with a runny nose or a cough. Then I grew to realise that if we kept our kids home with evey post-viral symptom none of us would ever work, and that kids are as likely to get sick from shopping mall/playgroup/doctor’s waiting room, and relaxed a bit.
Our daycare and preschool have very clear exclusion periods for a range of illnesses and symptoms, so I follow these to the letter. Our daycare also asks that parents do not dose kids up on panadol and nurofen – if they’re sick enough to need medicine, they should be at home, and I respect that.
If they’re sick enough to need to see a GP, I take the GPs advice as to when they can attend care again, and they always add the proviso “as long as they feel well within themselves”.
I’m lucky – I work in the public sector under fantastic conditions for working parents. Given that we have no family support nearby, we’d be screwed otherwise. Even so, there can be huge chunks of the year where my 3 days per week is whittled down to one or two days if I’m lucky, and the cracks start to show, so I end up working bits from home, and going into work the odd Sunday to catch up. I also made the choice years ago (and I guess this relates to the Sheryl Sandberg article) to stay in government rather than pursue my career of choice, knowing that I would have better support in caring for my future children.
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I feel the same way as you. If we kept our kids home every time they had a runny nose, we’d never go to work the first year. I think it also needs to be pointed out that children may still have a runny nose when they’re on the road to recovery. Also, sometimes a child may have a sniffle when you drop them off and get very sick during the day.
I do get how child care workers feel, I work with babies and young children and have worked with small school children, but it stated very plainly this this article was in jest. I think it simply makes a joke out of the desperation parents feel when their child may need to be at home for the 10th time that month, they have no sick leave and no one else to call for help.
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I don’t think they are talking about a sniffle, but you are right, that’s exactly what they are trying to joke about – only it’s not funny because it’s so galling to everyone else – who know people do this sort of thing all the time and it makes their life more miserable than need be. It’s like trying to make a joke out of, for example, talking on mobile phones while driving. Is that funny? Or does it make you want to punch someone?
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OK. I am fortunate enough to have grown out of the asthma that I had as a kid. I was rushed to hospital with breathing difficulties more than once. As a child, clinically died and was revived in hospital.
I’ve rushed my child to emergency with croup and overnighted with them. All scary, deeply unpleasant stuff; probably more scary being the parent that actually experiencing the breathing dififculties oneself.
Having experienced all this, I still want to ask all the mothers of children with special medical needs to consider whether:
a) It’s realistic to send your asthmatic child to daycare (or anywhere public) and not expect them to catch a cold.
b) At some point every child needs exposure to society’s bugs to build up a healthy immunity.
c) By saying, don’t send you child with sniffles to daycare because my child gets sick for a week, are you placing your need to stay at work over other parents? That is, keep your kid back from care, so that I don’t have to?
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Yes. To be honest, I had similar thoughts, but more along the lines of if your child gets that sick each time they are exposed to bugs, are you sure daycare is the right setting for them?
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Family day care is a much better option in these cases…..
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Parenthood sure does bring out the best and worst in people, doesn’t it?
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Does no one on this site have a sense of humor?
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Not when it comes to this!
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i can’t find this funny at all nor the justification of having a job and no support as reason to do this.
By dropping off a sick child at childcare you’re effectively handballing the problem to someone else. It’s really unfair on other parents.
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I don’t like this either nor the justification. By dropping off a sick child you are just handing on your problem to someone else. Another child will get sick and inevitably someone’s mum/dad will have to stay home. It’s not fair to other parents.
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Sorry I can’t sympathise here or find this even remotely funny. When kids are sick they want cuddles from mum or dad and to be able to rest in their own bed.
And your kid turning up sick means my kid who has asthma is more likely to catch it and end up at best off sick for a week and at worst in a high dependency ward for 3 days.
Children are a privelege and sick children deserve tender loving care not dropped off like they’re a nuisance. If someone’s financial circumstances are so dire what on earth made them think becoming a parent was a good idea??
As they say you need a license to have a pet…
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While I agree that if your kid is sick they probably do want a parent your implication that if someone is financially struggling they should not have become a parent I find insulting.
I was in the situation where we were very financially stable when we had our first child and when I got pregnant with our second. During my second pregnancy my husband collapsed and was diagnosed with brain cancer and due to the surgery etc has had to give up his part time work. I have also had to give up full time work (apart from 2 days per week) to become his carer and we are now on Centrelink payments and therefore our “financial circumstances are so dire” as we still have a mortgage to pay.
I work for the Qld Health which has been shedding thousands of jobs and my job was in the firing line. I will be honest and say there was a couple of days when my one year old had a sniffle that I sent him to daycare. I was aware that during that week they were choosing who to get rid of and I did not want to look unreliable.
It is very easy to make judgements about others and whether they should be a parent when you are not in their shoes. Life is not always black and white.
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Actually you don’t need a license to have a pet unless it is native wildlife. Registration with council is not a competency test.
It is a relief most stay at home parents are not so aggressively judgemental. Not all working parents have McMansions and 4wds, you have no idea of people’s financial circumstances or reasons behind them.
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I love that this is tongue in cheek … However as a daycare teacher it is sad that it does actually happen exactly as you said. Even better when they have thrown up in the car on the way to care and still get dropped off
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Oh yes I love drop off when the parents say “she just threw up on the way here and is a bit clingy but she will be ok . Just call me about lunchtime if she throws up again. “
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And as you are the daycare teacher do you advise the parent that it is no acceptable to leave the child at the daycare centre if they have just thrown up, and ask them to take the child home?
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Just out of interest, how many of the people commenting here about how awful, thoughtless, etc these parents are, made comments about how completely over the top it was to ban kids from blowing on birthday cake that will be eaten by other children when they blow out their candles?
Nobody wants their kids or themselves to get sick. But unlesss you live in a bubble, you are going to come into contact with sick people. In a lot of cases, by the time a person or child is showing symptoms, they have already been infectious for a fair period of time.
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I belive that germs and illnesses are part of life and we cannot protect children or ourselves from every little thing. I believe washing hands with soapy water is good enough and will not give up on allowing kids blowing candles out on cakes. I do not believe in sending sick children to child care or school ( I am not talking about minor sniffles or colds). This is more about kids who are really sick and need extra attention and home and one on one care is what the child needs. Most parents do organise a plan B for this situations. I did have a little chuckle at the article, but I also know of parents who do this.
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It so disgusts me that in our society, employers still respond hostilely to parents taking time off to care for sick children. Children should be kept at home and nurtured, not filled up with panadol and shoved off to childcare. I’m not blaming the parents who do this, I’m blaming unsympathetic employers.
Can’t the government run an ad campaign aimed at shaming employers who give their working parents a hard time on this?? They should probably include parents who exploit this too to get days off. We all want this to improve, let’s work together.
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I wholeheartedly agree, I am lucky to have an employer who supports work at home and enables me to look after sick kids. However saying that my husband has never taken a day off to look after the kids as his work is completely male dominated with almost all the wives in a stay@home role so it is completely frowned upon. Until the care is equally shared across the genders and all work environments sick kids at daycare will be an ongoing phenomenon. As a side note I didn’t have a sick day in 3 years and through two pregnancies however the first day I took off (my baby had hand foot mouth) a colleague bad mouthed me, the same colleague who uses their 10 sick days a year whether sick or not…..
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This has made me so angry as an early childhood educator. I am so over sick children coming into my care then having to ring the parent to pick up just after thy have gone. Ggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! People wonder why germs get spread! Oh and I am already one of those teachers that does the 1 candle in a cupcake for birthdays…… Have you not seen how much spit comes out when children try to blow! I don’t even want to eat my families cakes after!
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Wow. There is something about this article that just seems to dehumanise the poor old childcare worker. They are worth their weight in gold IMO and trickery like this (even tongue in cheek just seems so….selfish. Its not all about you. They have jobs and lives and kids and bills too. They get paid NOTHING and on top of that you think your priorities are more important? Wheres the partnership and “village” here?
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I love you guest for saying that! I’m the comment above you! Yes my daughter is sick right now and I have kept her home and had to cancel meetings! Also the thing that makes me angry is when I ring a parent they try to make me feel bad and I have had parents plain rude when they have come in!!! I feel like saying some choice words to these parents but instead I smile and cop the crap like most teachers do! I can not stop thinking about this article and every time I do I seethe. I could list the number of things I have got from children over the years and parents heads up if you say “oh they were a bit off this morning” I’m onto you!
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Aaaaahhhhhh. My pet hate. Parents sending their sick kids to daycare. Yep, what is a sniff or a cough for your child and a day or work for you means a week on antibiotics, steroids and ventolin for my asthmatic child, a week off work for me and a few doctors bills and possibly hospital bills for me. As a parent of a child with a chronic illness it’s very frustrating that this DOES go on.
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Couldn’t agree more. My asthmatic son would come home from daycare with a sniffle and in less than 24 hours we would be admitted to hospital for a 2 day stay, steroids, ventolin, the works…then repeat every few weeks or so. It got so bad that we had to pull him out of daycare and pay for a family member to care for him. Sick kids should be at home, if not for the other kids at daycare, for their own sake.
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I understand what you’re saying anon, I grew up in an asthmatic home, but it’s ridiculous to think everyone should keep their children home with every sniff or cough. A common cold in children can last between 7-10 days. I think if a child is playing normally and is without fever parents should be ok to send them to child-care.
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i get this is tongue in cheek and not to be taken literally. Clearly a fevered sick child needs mum/dad for cuddles and getting well & potentially medical attention.
However I wonder if the mothers that are getting up in arms about how dare mothers NOT take time/day off work to care for ‘sneezing’ (not fevered) children are SAHM and not working mothers. Or part-time working/very flexible hours kind of mothers, rather than full-time because we don’t have a choice working mothers. That’s just because i’m curious, not accusing SAHMs of being judgmental of working mums (we all judge too much on each sides as it is!)
And for those who have mentioned whooping cough – there are WAY bigger problems like a) why isn’t your child immunised? b) why wasn’t THAT child immunised? in relation to whooping cough in particle its an entirely preventable disease if people were well educated and inclined to protect their children health with proven science and medical intervention.
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I agree too! I’ve got 2 kids in care and if I kept them home for every sniffle I’d never be at work! Fevers and tummy bugs we stay home, if I’m a bit concerned I let the carers know, fill out a form for panadol and tell them to call me if they need to be picked up, I don’t think they’ve ever called!
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There are a lot of people on here talking about losing their jobs for taking sick leave. I’m an employer, and yes, it’s annoying and inconvenient when people take a lot of sick leave. However, you are well within your rights to do so if you are full time or part time. Even if you run out of personal leave you are entitled to take unpaid personal leave. Your boss does not have the right to fire you or give you a hard time about it. If they do then I suggest going to the workplace ombudsman to get the issue sorted out. As a parent you need to take the responsibility to check your workplace laws and stand up for yourself and your family.
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True, they cannot sack you. But in my case I was openly slated for taking sick leave for my kids. One unmarried male declared he should be allowed to take an extra week’s annual leave becuase he had no children to use ‘as an excuse for a day off’. I could go on but it would turn into a rant. Suffice to say I have LOTS of examples of workplace issues that didn’t result in sacking, just making my worklife uncomfortable.
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Amazing how some parents would rather send a feverish child to daycare than have an uncomfortable work life.
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I don’t think that’s Sparky’s point, Anon.
Obviously Sparky did take sick leave many times, hence the hostile reaction from the unmarried jerk who has yet to find out what having kids is like (his time will come…)
Coming home from 8+ hours of work with behaviour ranging from snide comments to open slating with a tired child who needs a bath, dinner and bed makes it very hard to be the good parent that we’re all told we should be.
Yes, I’m aware that the problem could be negated by not working but let’s face it, some of us simply can’t live on a single income.
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I think you’ve misinterpreted the point, Anon (thanks, Gemma). I DID take sick leave to care for my kids. I didn’t send a feverish child to daycare, ever. And I put up with that particular workplace for another 6 years.
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I’m guilty. I confess. I gave my child baby panadol and left her at daycare numerous times. Then cried as I drove to work. Why? because I had just returned to work, have no family where I live and could not stand the thought of the my co-workers huffing at me for being a “working mum” in a male-dominated industry…males who thought I should be at home doing house-wifey things and not using my Uni degree and brain. My child is a beautiful, intelligent teenager now…no lasting damage…but I still feel guilty… You do what you have to do at the time.
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But what about the other kids at child care?
A sick child is not just about the child and his parent. It is also of concern to the greater community, for example the Asthmatic child at childcare!!!
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I understand your perspective, but take it from another persons perspective. My brother was sick and in and out of hospital from when he was born until age 10. When someone was sick and around him my brother got it, and it didn’t just mean a few days off school etc for him, it meant a trip to hospital and grand mal seizures (which were brought on by his high temperatures).
It was hard on Mum as she wanted him to live a normal life and not be wrapped up in cotton wool, but at parties, playgroup etc there was always a sick kid!
Spare a thought for the kid at childcare who has asthma, and the sniffles he picks up can cause serious issues, or the other kid with suppressed immune system. Dropping your sick kiddie off can have really far reaching consequences.
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I like so many others here don’t find this funny, at all funny in fact. The more this sort of stuff gets treated as a joke the more people think they can get away with it. I find it really disappointing.
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