He doesn’t help with the kids. He is the reason I’m a bad mum. So maybe I should just leave.
I hate my husband.
Oh my God, it feels so good to say that.
I hate my husband.
He is a useless idiot.
We have two children together. A 3-month-old little boy and 2-year-old girl. And they are SO much work. Which is fine. But I am basically a single parent when it comes to looking after them. He absolutely refuses to help. And actually goes out of his way to make caring for them even more stressful.
Like the other day. I have our little boy naked, with poo smeared all over the changing table. With my little girl having a tantrum in the room because at that very moment she is upset that her juice bottle is empty.
So I yell out for help to my husband. Who I know, is sitting on the couch looking at his iPad. I had to call for help several times before he finally appeared. It is a whole 5 metres from the lounge to the baby’s room. I asked him to help our daughter. So he walks out. He doesn’t take the screaming toddler with him. He just walks out and takes 15 minutes pouring her juice. 15 minutes.
Meanwhile I have run out of baby wipes and ask him to bring that over, which takes him another 10 minutes because he had to charge his precious iPad. Seriously.
I know what you are thinking. It is tough at this stage – with two little ones. But our relationship has never been amazing. Even before kids, he was a selfish tool, but I guess I just didn’t notice as much because I didn’t need as much help from him.
But I have to tell him to do everything. I can’t say, take out the bins. I have to say, please can you collect all the rubbish in the house and put it in the bin, and also the cardboard and the dead flowers in the jar (that I bought myself).
When I told my friend, she said to not tell him to do stuff all the time. Let him figure it out for himself. I did that. You know what he did? Nothing.
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Your husband sounds like mine. He doesnt want to watch the kids as help, he wants to watch the kid only when he wants to and in his own term (which may be 1-10 min only). We have one daughter, he comes home, chatting with his friend or watching facebook or some app on his phone. Dont want to do anything with her, let along me. When I ask him to watch the baby when I need to to be bathroom/laundry/shower, he threw a fit and said I am making him do childcare while that's supposed to be my job only. I hate him, we argue all the time. I secretly wish I never got married to him and feel very envious about all other people's loving husband and seemly happy family. He wants to do nothing with me. He always says you are so annoying that's why I want to stay at work. I need him financially, I cant just leave because that would ruin my daughter's life too. But I really hate him, sometimes I hope he buys another house and stay in the other house so I dont have to see (argue with) him again. It's not I dont want us to be happy, but I am so stressed all the time that he will pick fight on all topics.
My husband is useless and passive aggressive too. Did you know that passive aggressive abuse is real? If he isn't going to do anything to help you, stop doing anything for your husband. Your not his mommy or his servant. Don't cook for him, do not do his laundry, don't make it easy for him. At this point (this was posted 2014) your kids are old enough that you can get a job at a school or another place that has flexible hours to match your children's. As soon as you can make an income, do. Also get copies of all of your finances, check statements, tax returns, credit card statements, etc. I could never stomach only having my kids only half the time so I didn't initiate divorce. But be prepared if he leaves *you*. It's painful to acknowledge, but it's crystal clear that he doesn't value you at all.