Last night I snapped.
My former brother in law contacted me on social media and was highly inappropriate.
This has been an ongoing saga with him. It started when I was just 16-years-old and he first started dating my sister. He would hug me and linger… I constantly felt his roving gaze.
He would ask inappropriate questions, about whether or not I’d had sex yet or how far had I gone with guys.
I stopped going to visit my sister and if they came over for dinner, I would wear baggy jeans and big jumpers. He would corner me in the kitchen and tell me what a great body I had and that I shouldn’t hide it.
I felt like I couldn’t wear shorts around him. Over time, my relationship with my sister grew distant.
It wasn’t long after my 17th birthday that my sister announced she was pregnant. She was unbelievably thrilled and they had plans to have a shot-gun wedding before the baby was born. It was around this time that one of my sisters closest friends confronted her saying that her future husband had been cracking onto her and making inappropriate remarks towards her.
My sister, in all her wisdom, did not believe her friend and completely cut her out of her life. The wedding was to go ahead and as my sister’s belly grew bigger. Then they ended up having to move back home because my sister had to stop work and they couldn’t afford rent where they were.
I hated having him live with me, and felt trapped. I was always hiding out in my room or I was staying late back at uni to avoid going home and having to see him.
It happened on the Wednesday and about 3 weeks before their wedding. I called my mum asking her to come and pick me up from the train station.
As I stood there waiting, his car pulled up. Apparently he had volunteered to come and get me.
I got in the car and kept my bag on my lap, hiding my legs. I was hating the fact that I had worn shorts to uni that day.
He drove us home and tried to bait me into having an inappropriate conversation with him. I kept looking away and giving one word non-committal answers.
I was willing the car ride to get faster. I was uncomfortable sitting in such a enclosed space with him and I just wanted to jump out of the moving car. We were about 3 minutes from home when he pulled the car over to the side of the road and turned and looked at me.
I froze and could feel my heart start to beat faster. I was thinking about how quickly I could unbuckle my seat belt and make a run for it when he turned to me and told me how attractive I am and how I could do so much better than my current boyfriend.
He then told me his ultimate fantasy would be a threesome with me and my sister.
I sat there thinking about how in three weeks my sister was going to be marrying this asshole and how she was six months pregnant with his son and here he was cornering me in a car and sexually harassing me.
I don’t remember what I said in response but shortly after he started the car and drove the short distance home.
My heart was beating out of my chest and I felt like I was going to puke. I stumbled into the house and made a bee-line straight for my bedroom.
I felt dirty and like it was my fault. Why had I been wearing shorts. Maybe I was leading him on. Had I said something to make him think he could treat me this way.
Three weeks later, they were married in typical shot-gun fashion. At their wedding reception, I was 17 and unable to drink. I was standing at the bar ordering a coke when he came up behind me and stood close enough to touch. I felt him rub up against me and I stiffened.
He leaned over and whispered in my ear that I looked so beautiful in my bridesmaid dress and he would love to rip it off me. He then leaned forward and put on the bar a champagne which had more fizz coming from the bottom of the glass then you would expect.
I didn’t say anything and I didn’t move as I felt him walk away. I looked down at this super fizzy champagne and exhaled the breath I was holding. I never drank it and ended up leaving it on the bar.
I’m pretty sure it was spiked.
Not long after my nephew was born, they moved to Gladstone. I never once went up for a visit and I was always away when they came down for family occasions.
Now its been about 3 years and I haven’t seen him since he moved out of our house. My sister and him are no longer together, but my relationship has suffered with her so much that we haven’t spoken in close to a year.
They created a facebook page for my nephew so family members could get updates about him.
Last night when I posted a photo, my ex-brother in law saw it while he was on my nephew’s page and personal messaged me to say how glad he was that I posted that photo.
I replied and told him that it was to keep track of my nephew and not for him to be a creepy perv. Not happy with that response, he blocked and deleted me from my nephew’s page.
I feel empowered that I confronted him and told him exactly how I feel. That he is a creepy perv, but at the same time I am angry that I kept silent about what he did to me.
He sexually abused me… it may not have been physical abuse, but it was mental. He made me fearful in my OWN HOME. He made me lock my door at night in case he came down my end of the house and raped me. He made me have nightmares where he would trap me in the car again. His abuse left its own scars… you just can’t see them on my skin.
I AM NOT to blame. I am a VICTIM and I refuse to hide this anymore. I wish I had spoken up, but if this story helps one person, then I will feel better knowing that what I went through has helped someone. This abuse has greatly shaped my relationships and I suffered depression for a long time.
I am lucky enough to have an amazing and understanding partner who loves me. I told him last night what had happened to me, and after I had finished crying on his lap, he encouraged me to write this and tell my story.
If anyone else is suffering in any way… speak up.
Do not hold it in.
DO NOT think it’s your fault.
You are stronger than this and you will SURVIVE.
The author of this piece is known to Mamamia, but has chosen to remain anonymous.
How have you dealt with unwanted sexual advances?