Trigger warning: this post deals with child sexual abuse and may be distressing for some readers.
Taylor didn’t want to lose her only friend, Tom. She was a girl with Asperge’s syndrome, not yet 13.
Never mind Tom was a paedophile.
He was a man that worked for her trust. Cooked her meals while her mother was absent. Asked her about her day. Sat on her bed and talked to her as she fell asleep.
Then he kissed her. She thought they were in a relationship. They would often sit on the couch, he touching her genitals under a blanket.
When she was 11, he raped her in her mother’s bed.
“I didn’t know what he was doing when he turned me over and lay on top of me,” Taylor, now 22, has written in her book I know what you are. “I had read enough about sex by that time to have a vague idea of what was involved, and I was pretty sure he hadn’t put his penis where it was supposed to go.”
Every time he'd abuse her, Tom would stop suddenly and go into the bathroom. He would leave the house in silence.
"I thought I'd done something wrong," Taylor told Mirror Online. "On the media, I'd see a couple sleep together then always cuddle up and have a cup of tea."
Her childhood of abuse didn't stop there. She met 25-year-old Saleem when she was 12.
He asked her if she could keep a secret.
She thought it was a good thing Saleem and his mates were inviting her to parties. For the first time in her life, she thought, she had friends.
"When the truth finally dawned on me, I realised I hadn't been invited to the parties because I was Saleem's girlfriend, or even part of the group: I was at his flat to work," she said.
The person who fought back after being sexually abused as a child. Post continues...
The men would line up at the door to rape her. They would come in one after the other, silent. She would be forced to have sex anywhere between five and 12 times a night.
The first time she fell pregnant, she was 12 and Saleem gave her vodka till she blacked out and started bleeding.
The second time she fell pregnant, she was 13. She was pushed down the stairs and the baby died.
Taylor doesn't remember much from that period. She uesd vodka, in between the wet wipes, to block out the pain.
Now, Taylor has released her book and, in it, she tells of her horror. She has also written a poem about one of her abusers, a rapist that assaulted her in the backseat of a car.
The poem can be read below. Please note, 'Taylor' as well as the author name of I know what you are, are pseudonyms.
The Guy In The Car
I don't like you
I really don't
Surely you see
The disgust as I turn away
My muscles tighten
My belly hardens
As you invade
Back pressed in the clutch
Tears sliding down my soul
You pass me a tissue
Don't say a word
Sore and bruised
Swallow the pain
My skin itches
Long to be clean
You never even said please
Others shake their heads
Give me a long hard stare
They don't care
The disgust crawls across their face
As I turn up in your car
Shove me into the back seat
Clutch my bottle
Hold it close
From the smooth cold glass
If this article brings up issues for you, you can contact the National Sexual Assault, Domestic and Family Violence hotline on 1800 737 732 for 24/7 counselling. Alternatively, you can call Lifeline on 131 114.