For the past seven years my husband and I have had sex every single day.
It’s been almost seven years since my husband and I made the sex pact.
It was my idea. No, really, it was my idea. And there is no doubt in my mind that our sex pact saved our marriage.
When we met, we had sex a lot, in lots of different ways; sometimes more than twice a day. We managed to keep up a rather healthy sex life until the last few weeks before I gave birth to our first child. Those last few weeks of pregnancy and first few weeks of parenthood was the longest we’d ever gone without.
We got back to it as soon as I got the ‘all clear’ from the doctor but for me, it just wasn’t the same.
I felt fat and tired and having sex quickly became something I was just too exhausted for.
My husband did his best to be understanding but by the time my son turned two, we were still struggling. His libido was as healthy as ever and mine just… wasn’t.
I accepted our mis-matched libidos as a normal part of a long-term relationship. It’s just what happens, right? That’s what we’re taught in movies and TV shows and from couples we know. Men are always pestering their partners for sex and we are always faking headaches and slapping them away, giving in from time to time just to shut them up.
Except, it was worse than that.
We found ourselves drifting apart.
He felt rejected and lonely and I felt tired and lonely. I knew I had to do something about it.
So, we made a sex pact.
I sat my husband down and explained that I just wasn’t in the mood that much anymore. I tried to make him understand that it had nothing to do with my love or attraction to him. In fact, I didn’t know why my libido was so low. He looked quite dejected until I outlined a plan to fix the problem forever.
From this day on, we will have sex every single day.
He was incredibly shocked to say the least and he was also reluctant. He didn’t want me to have sex out of obligation and he was most concerned I’d resent him for it. But it wouldn’t be like that, I told him. Having sex every day was a gift of love to him. I wanted to meet his needs as he constantly met mine, and I definitely didn’t want to become one of those couples who ended up splitting up because we felt so disconnected.
But there was a catch.
The sex wouldn’t be that good. I wasn’t really in the mood except for a couple of times a month and I didn’t want to have to put on a big performance for him. He would have to get used to me just lying there some of the time.
At first it felt strange for him but he got used to it.
For the past seven years we have sex every single day, times of illness aside, and we’ve never felt closer.
Sex is no longer the source of any sort of stress or anxiety for us and it never will be again. Judging from the conversations I have with my girlfriends, our healthy sex life is rare.
We still fight about money and parenting and each other’s annoying family members, but the closeness we feel form our regular sex life tempers everything. Men just need a lot of it, and I need to know that he is satisfied. It serves us both.
Sex makes my husband feel loved and I need to feel loved to have sex. Once those first few awkward weeks of our sex pact were over, we both became used to it and he no longer felt rejected and I no longer felt like I was letting him down.
One friend in particular always complains that her husband is pestering her for sex. “Just do it,” I tell her. “It takes ten minutes. It will make him so happy. Why are you so determined not to?”
I feel the reason so many women hold out on their partners is because they attach to much emotion to it. Sex doesn’t always have to be making love. It doesn’t always have to be good. Sex doesn’t always have to be mind-blowing.
But even bad sex is intimate. Even quick sex brings you closer. Even the kind of sex my husband and I have is better than nothing at all. More couples should try it.
The author of this post is known to Mamamia but has chosen to remain anonymous. We suspect you understand why.