The woman I was mentoring put her cup of tea down and said nervously: “Um..so Samantha, this is why I think I would make a good escort. I have a very high sex drive; I can’t get enough of it!” It was hard not to smile. Of course, anyone would think the same – that to be a ‘good’ escort you needed to have a huge appetite for sex, that you would be craving c*ck breakfast, lunch and dinner. Because that’s what we do isn’t it, us escorts? We spend day in, day out having sex. Lots of it. That we make, sometimes ridiculous amounts of, money to open our (fake tanned) legs.
Sure, there would be escorts out there who may disagree, but in my experience, and I can only talk about my experience, it’s not just the sex men come for. Not at all.
Of course, sex does happen for most, perhaps for five, 10 minutes at the max. But my most popular date? My four-hour dinner dates, where I charge $3300 for my time. How much sex do you think you can have in an upscale restaurant? None, (unless you find a broom cupboard and your name is Boris Becker).
Samantha talks to Mia about her ‘no intimacy’ dates on the latest episode of No Filter:
Usually, those dates go a bit like this: meet in his five-star hotel for a drink, get a car (usually he has pre-booked a nice one) to take out to somewhere where they have napkins and waiters in suits, enjoy a three-course meal together with champagne and usually oysters. That will take up at least two to three hours. Then usually back to his hotel. I used to see a client who would say to me ‘Now, please don’t take offence Samantha, but if it’s all the same to you, I would rather just cuddle tonight.” Thank God. All that rich food gives me gas anyway.
One client called me to tell me he was ‘sick to death’ of all the escorts in a certain city ‘just wanting sex’, and he was looking for a woman who liked a good chat. Another client called me the next day after our date to tell me very nervously and quietly that ‘next time Samantha, would you mind not being so sexually aggressive?’.
It was laughable sometimes. But there was a definite type of client that craved so much more than penis in vagina – if at all.
So much so, I have introduced no-intimacy dates, price $800 for 90 minutes, $2000 for a dinner or lunch date. My first ever non-intimate client, let’s call him Mr W, booked me for a lunch date. “Do you like dumplings?” Was his text. “I’ll bring some Chinese for us.”
Mr. W was in his early 40s, married with two kids, and in desperate need of some help. “I am in love with another woman, and I don’t know what to do,” was his plea. We spent a good few hours discussing his predicament. Him not wanting to hurt his wife or family, but he couldn’t help his feelings towards this other woman.
I know right? $2000 to offload? Why not see a counsellor who would charge about $1800 less than me?
“I don’t know,” he said when I asked him that question. “I think I am worried about being judged by someone who perhaps has different ideals of marriage.”
Maybe, maybe not. I certainly didn’t want to talk myself out of a job, but it’s not the first time I’ve heard that from the mouth of a man, and it won’t be the last.
I have one client, Mr 76, who has Parkinson’s Disease. His carer brings him to my hotel and helps me help him off his wheelchair. He likes a whiskey and a chat. He asks for a shower but he can't walk alone, so I help him in, and wash him while standing there shivering as he soaks up all the warm water. Then I help him shuffle back, give him a whiskey, wrap him in a soft cream dressing gown, and I listen to him telling me about his family, his children, and a few hilariously funny dirty jokes. We hold hands, my painted nails entwined with his decaying ones. Then after an hour or so, his carer comes up and helps me help him get dressed, and that is pretty much it. Our ‘dates’ have given Mr 76 sparkle back in his eyes, says his carer.
It’s certainly made me think about what men really need and what men really want. One thing ALL of them have in common is that they love a cuddle. They want to feel safe. They want to feel the warmth and touch of a female body but not necessarily the act of sex.
Listen to Mia's full conversation with Samantha here:
I’ve had clients stop half way through to ask me where in London was I from, and that their sister lived in London and how about that awful traffic. I kid you not. It’s like some crave conversation.
“Shouldn’t you want to be ripping my clothes off?” I think half the time, pouring them another drink, listening patiently to another sorry tale of a sad marriage.
So if you have a huge sex drive, and crave intimacy morning, noon and night, may I suggest Tinder? Because in my experience, the sex industry hasn’t really been about sex.
Back on Top by Samantha X ($29.99), published by Hachette Australia is available at apple.co/mamamia
Where do you stand on no-intimacy dates?