How do you 'unfriend' your parents on Facebook?

Welcome to ‘Ask Rosie’, the space on Mamamia where you can contact me with your problems about anything and everything and ask me, well, what I would do. Consider it my selfless Oprah-esque gift to all of humanity. You’re welcome.

But be warned, I’m not one to beat around the bush. I tell it like it is. I call ‘em like I see ‘em. I’m a straight shooter. Cliche cliche etc etc sassy advice cliche.

Let’s get into it:

 

 

Dear Rosie,

My friend’s mum has added me on Facebook. This is fine, but she likes EVERYTHING I am tagged in. Every post, every drunken photo, every picture in someone else’s party album. Is there a polite way to tell her to stop?

J.M.
Ballina

Remember when you were a kid, and you decided that you were an incredible dancer, so you kept entering the primary school talent show by yourself with dances you choreographed on your own? Remember how you thought you would be so amazing that you would bring the assembly hall to their feet in divine rapturous applause? Do you then remember how nobody ever clapped, and someone explained to you later that the song ‘Little Egypt’ is actually about a lady who likes to take off her clothes?

Oh, just me? Well, everybody at least remembers one point in their childhood when their parents sat them down and explained to them that not everybody can be good at everything. For me, it was dancing (although I still maintain my 4 minute solo to Mariah Carey’s Without You was a thing of beauty).

Today, for most adults over a certain age, it’s socialising with people on Facebook.

And it’s about time the entire human race sits down with the mums/dads/aunties/uncles/grandparents/old family friends who just don’t get it and give them the ‘not everybody can be good at everything’ talk.

There are some obvious clues that give the FB amateur away.

1. It could be WRITING EVERY STATUS IN CAPITAL LETTERS LIKE THIS.

2. Deciding That It’s Proper Grammar To Start Every Word With A Capital Letter Like This.

3. Commenting on a photo of you downing a shot at the pub with ‘Hi Rosie, I saw your sister last week and we talked about organising a time to have lunch with your mum. Can’t believe it’s been nearly ten years since I’ve seen you! Give me a call on 0404 XXX XXX.

4. Or, and this is probably the biggest give-away of all, if any person ever uses the ‘poke’ button on you, you can be 100% sure that that person is going to embarrass you on Facebook at some point in the near future. Does anyone really ever use that button? What does the poke button actually do, except highlight idiots who use the poke button?

Anyway, since I’ve heard that Facebook is actually turning daggy now and most kids are already knee-deep in MyHeadiSizzleSpaceChatButt, there’s probably no point trying to school your mum’s friend in the non-embraassing way to interact with you. But if you’re desperate for her indiscriminate ‘liking’ to stop, I would post the following status:

“OMG best night EVA with that guy I met last night. Can’t believe I haven’t tried edible lube until now! HIGHLY recommended. And let me tell you something ladies: If you’re ever worried your hole isn’t big enough, TRUST ME, it IS. You’ll thank me later. Now, I’m off for round two with this guy. Do you think female ejaculation is real? Cos I’m going to find out right now. Wish me luck!”

I’d be very surprised if your mum’s friend ‘likes’ that status, or indeed anything about you, ever again.

Problem solved.

If you want Rosie’s advice on something, email her at rosie@mamamia.com.au and put ‘Ask Rosie’ in the subject line. Of course it will all be completely anonymous. And she’ll only judge you behind your back.

Are you friends with parents on Facebook? Yours or anyone else’s?