Parents reveal the secrets they're keeping from their children.

All parents keep secrets from their children, don’t they?

Your kid probably doesn’t know about that time you helped them look for their lolly-bag even though you’d eaten it at 11:30pm the night before.

You didn’t inform them that you threw out that painting they made at kinder. And there’s no way you’d tell your little girl that (although she’s very special and you love her dearly) she should really give up on that dream of being a pop-star.

These secrets might not always be nice, but they’re usually pretty G rated. PG max, right?

Wrong.

The ‘front page of the internet’ has delivered once again. There is a thread over on Reddit which asks the question: Parents of Reddit, what is one shocking secret your kids will never learn about you?

Some answers will make you giggle in solidarity, some will rip your heart out and others will make you question the future of the human race.

“I really didn’t like either one of them until they were about 2. I mean, they were cute, adorable little babies but I really just don’t like infants. They’ll never know because it sounds shitty to say, ‘Yo, you fucking sucked for a while’.”

Lucky for this guy its unlikely his kids will remember the time when their dad thought they sucked.

“I ran over my daughters favourite stuffed toy, with my lawnmower. But i told her that the neighbours dog stole it.”

It’s kind of like the stuffed-toy version of ‘Bugsy went to live on a farm’. Except the rabbit is still dead, it’s just not your fault.

“That I’ve been stoned for 100% of the social functions we’ve attended since he was born. Pumpkin picking? High. PTA or School meetings? High. Kids Birthday Parties? Really High. Holidays with the family? Seriously Fucking High.”

Sometimes, you’ve just gotta do what you’ve gotta do to get through it.

“That she was conceived during a threesome.”

What? Wow. WHAT!? Many user comments reflected our thoughts perfectly — What was the make up of this threesome? Because depending on the answer, this confession could become really intense REALLY fast.

“I’m a former military aircraft pilot. I’ve been through hell and came back a changed man. I’ll never horrify my kids with the image of what I’ve been through.”

A secret kept for the noblest of reasons.

“How much I resent that they’ve ruined my body. Seriously my vagina is wrecked. I hate looking at it, I hate having sex because it hurts and I just can’t stand the thought of my partner seeing/touching it…”

No kid want to think about the trials and tribulations of their mother’s vagina. Probably for the best you keep this one to yourself.

“We had a goldfish named SteveFish. Well, we had 3 of them over the course of 10 years. My youngest son thinks it was only one.”

What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Until he grows up and realises he was raised by a big, fat LIAR.

“I used my son’s microscope to look at my own sperm. Yep…I jizzed on my kids toy…..on purpose.”

We ca.. You… But… Oh, sweet Jesus.