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Meshel Laurie Women dont hate beautiful women

 

 

 

 

BY MESHEL LAURIE

Of course that British lady, Samantha Brick, who thinks that her “beauty” is the reason women don’t like her is a bit odd (you can read more about her here).  She has problems and I genuinely feel sorry for her.  The publicising of her malfunction is annoying because it perpetuates a myth that I’ve had flung in my face many times by men, which is that woman hate beautiful women.

I have been a woman for almost forty years.  I attended an all girl high school, which was quite a bootcamp for bitchiness believe me!  I’ve worked as a receptionist in brothels, where looks equate to income almost as transparently as they do in the television industry in which I dabble now.  I currently have friends who are among the most celebrated beauties in the country, and I can honestly say that I have never known of a woman being disliked because she is beautiful.  I’ve known a few who were disliked because they’re up themselves, but ugly people are just as good at that.

The prettiest girl in our school was Claire.  She had long, silky blonde hair and a complexion like warm milk.  She was also so very sweet natured, quick with a shoulder to cry on, tight with a secret, and didn’t take herself or her looks too seriously although she was well aware they were there.  “You should enter the Dolly Cover Girl competition,” we used to say her, as we were convinced that no one in the world was as pretty as Claire.  She would blush and wave us away.  She was as smart as she was kind – what I would refer to today as an inspirational woman.

The most beautiful prostitute I ever knew was Tori.  She was an exotic 6ft tall, olive skinned stunner, almost a bit Beyonce in those ads where they make her look thinner and whiter.  She wore boots like Julia Roberts’ in Pretty Woman and she was transsexual which was not a secret from clients, but her greatest selling point.  She was mostly loved by the other girls because she was very sweet, even though she was completely aware that she was by far the most precious gem in our shop.  Those who disliked her did so not because of her beauty, but because of the clients they lost to her, and because she was very lazy about cleaning up after herself and yes, that was as gross as it sounds.   Everyone was very sad for her though, when her excitement at saving enough money for a trip to Bali turned to sadness and humiliation because she was forced to accept a passport that said “M” for “male”.  She dreaded all the times she’d have to show it to people and what their reactions would be.    Even the jealous old shaggers took pity on Tori that day despite the fact that she was beautiful, she was going to Bali and she’d left a pile of terrifying towels in the hallway the night before.

Beautiful women in Australian television are completely commonplace of course.  Spend enough time around a TV network and you’ll stop marvelling at their teeny tiny designer dresses, voluminous manes of hair and symmetrical, angular faces.  You’ll find women like Kerri Ann Kennerly who’s beauty is undeniable but who has appealed to generations of Australian women because of her warmth and wit.   Lisa Wilkinson, who’s charm and generosity endear her to millions of strangers.  Carrie Bickmore, who’s angelic looks belie an emotional stamina that seems to know no bounds.

Women do not hate beauty in other women.  We actually like to gaze upon it as much as men do, otherwise there would be no magazine/fashion/beauty industries.  I don’t think anyone is keen on delusions of grandeur though which could be the real reason behind Ms Brick’s lack of dinner party invitations.

Some of the most beautiful women show their true beauty from inside and out. With no delusions of grandeur

Mother Teresa - Founded the Missionaries of Charity in Calcutta and helped the poor and sick for 45 years.

Meshel Laurie is a comedian and broadcaster. You can catch up with her on Nova’s Drive Show with Tim Blackwell and Marty Sheargold 4-6pm on weekdays. You can also follow Meshel on Twitter here.

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134 Comments so far

  1. MDB

    Nailed it Meshel.

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  2. Mel b

    Well said!! Love your style meshel! Great post!

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  3. FudgingTheMenu

    I was tempted not to read this article as the subject matter doesn’t particularly interest me and I anticipated the article would be predictable, but I’m so glad I did read it. It was refreshing and thoroughly enjoyable.

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  4. Susan As Well

    You’re fast becoming one of my favourite writers and women, Meshel.

    I didn’t read the whole Brick piece because it was just incredibly stupid from the first paragraph. I would much rather believe that women are just a tad deeper than Brick would have us see ourselves. Geeeesh.

    Going to watch “The Life & Times of Margaret Whitlam” on ABC iview. Gosh, I think she was a stunner in every way :)

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    • rudyroo

      Ditto to your first sentence.

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  5. deborah

    When I read the originating article I felt quite unsettled but couldn’t put my finger on why. My knee-jerk reaction was that surely Ms Brick wasn’t seriously suggesting that her looks had bought her a free ride on easy street? She was Ms Nice Enough to Look At, not a supermodel. Then I felt ashamed of myself for falling into the trap of critiquing another woman’s looks. I mulled over the idea that it was ‘just her experience’ and that maybe she should be allowed to speak her own truth. Then I read the tweets and responding articles and felt sorry for the public castigation she was receiving. But then I read an article about the contempt for women routinely displayed by the publishing newspaper, the Daily Mail, suggesting that the paper had known that by publishing the article it would not only expose Ms Brick to ridicule but that it would fuel the myth, neatly destroyed here by Meshel, that ALL women are in constant competition with ALL OTHER women. It was then that I realised the truly ugly aspect of this whole unenlightening saga.

    You’ve nailed the truth Meshel, and you did it dispassionately and with evidence – I felt instantly better for having read it.

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    • Guest

      Extremely well put, deborah!!

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    • Jeck

      You wrote exactly what I was thinking Deborah. Thank you. Also, love your work Meshel.

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  6. anon

    All woman certainly don’t hate beautiful woman but sometimes if you are attractive you can get shit for it. I wouldn’t call myself beautiful but when I was not long out of school I was skinny and had very long blonde hair. I got a job in a computer company and three of the woman there hated me on the spot. None believed I got the job on my own merits even though I was recommended to the boss by his wife from a recruitment firm. It took me a long time to get onside with these girls and eventually we became friends. One even admitted she hadn’t liked me at the start because I was skinny?? Maybe I wasn’t beautiful enough to be instantly admired instead but there are people out there with low self esteem happy to bring people down simply for their looks. I also used to get bullied at school because an older guy liked me and again years later these girls admitted to only wanting to “beat my head in” because of that guy. I probably sound whingy, I do think you get can get an easier ride in life if you are attractive, but the fact that someone can dislike you solely for your looks is definitely there. Mind you this woman sounds like her issue is her personality rather than her looks.

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  7. macca

    Great article Meshel! I think you’ve made the most sense of any of the commentary floating around about Ms Brick.

    Look forward to reading many more of your pieces here!!

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  8. roserusso

    The saddest thing of all is that Samantha Brick is placing all of the blame on everyone around her for her shortcomings. As she says “jealous wives have frozen me out of their lives; insecure female bosses have also barred her promotions at work.” Is it really because of her looks? I don’t think so. To always look out of yourself and blame others is quite immature really. I don’t think I’d bar a super attractive girlfriend from my life because I felt threatened or insecure because of her, I’d bar her because her personality and ‘always the victim’ mentality would piss me right off.

    The fact she has written articles titled “I use my sex appeal to get ahead at work… and so does ANY woman with any sense” and “Why my husband says he’ll divorce me if I get fat” paints quite a picture of the journalist’s need for a sensationalist headline to say the least.

    The UK band ‘One Direction’ say it better than anyone else “You don’t know you’re beautiful, that’s what makes you beautiful.”

    I wrote about this in full on my blog yesterday http://www.the-budding-rose.blogspot.com it’s hard to not want to try and unpack this one. She smirked yesterday on TV when pressed about the fact this was all a publicity stunt. It’s a bit sad really.

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    • odette

      While she is blaming the bad stuff that happens to her on other people, she is neglecting to notice the common denominator…herself.

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  9. Mrs S

    Thank you Meshel!! Spot on!!

    p.s. as i’m typing this i’m watching you on an old episode of Spicks &
    Specks!!

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  10. redfred

    I don’t think women as a general rule hate ‘beautiful women’ but we do, at times, have a tendency towards thoughtless comments that, by default, marginalise others. For example, how often do we refer to curvy women as “real women” or having real bodies? Or say things like, “at least that’s better than looking like a stick-thin model”? or “I’d rather look like me than some plastic, botoxed Barbie”? I’m sure these comments aren’t really because women hate beautiful women, or ANY women, but they do suggest that thin women and women who happen to look like models and women who choose plastic surgery are not REAL women.

    I’m NOT one of these thin, model-like women, by the way! ;) But when I read comments like that I wonder if they’re fair… and if I were on the receiving end of them I’d probably start to believe that women hated me because of the way I looked. Just a thought…

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    • Real Women

      Thank you, redfred, for mentioning the “real woman” phrase. I must say, this is something I have noticed. Curvy women, like Beyonce, or sexy plus size models, Sophia Loren types, are referred to as “real women”, as if more slender women are “too skinny” are are no good for women’s body image.

      I am a petite build, small frame – more Audrey Hepburn (not that I look like her) than Sophia Loren. I am fit and healthy. If I put on weight, I wouldn’t become a voluptuous bombshell. I’d just be a bit less fit and a bit more flabby.

      I’m happy with myself as I am, with all my imperfections. It’s crazy people don’t accept we’re all different and we’re all ok.

      On the Brick topic….Bwahahahahahaha! Oh dear. Poor thing….she doesn’t get it. How embarrasing!

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  11. Matisse Palome

    I’ve been a size 10 I’ve been a size 18 , I’ve quit smoking three times and put on 30 kilos , the doctors want me to loose weight my mum died of breast cancer when I was 16, my friends say that no matter what size , where I live my personality shines through . Sure we have stereotypes but love and love thyself . This may be easier for some then others , I think it’s when we take a step back and look at our influences and the people that we frequently see . What influences us and are they good influences .

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  12. jo

    You’ve captured my thoughts exactly Meshel!

    I read the post about Brick the other day but didn’t comment as everything I started to write came out too harshly (and made me feel I was being bitchy so I took the fall back position of saying nothing if I couldn’t say anything nice – not something I do often enough pethaps…)

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  13. camillapeffer

    I partook in a bit of hate reading and read some of the other things Ms. Brick wrote. For example, she lives in France, her husband monitors her weight, and she exercises for fear of divorce. Of course, she writes about it for the Daily Mail. How are people like this allowed to enter the public sphere?
    A journalist at the Guardian also did a satirical piece in response to Ms. Brick’s original article. Too funny!
    http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/apr/04/samantha-brick-hated-good-looks?fb=native&CMP=FBCNETTXT9038

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    • vanessayoung

      Thanks for posting that link, :)

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  14. Brick reminds me of a 3 yr old who thinks they’re a fire-engine…no matter how many times you tell them they are not a fire-engine, they keep running around making fire-engine noises…

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    • jo

      And usually loving all the attention that cames from the loud noise they are creating…

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  15. Brittany

    I think its foolish to say other women hate beautiful women.

    Every woman is beautiful. I love beauty in other women, I look up to the Victoria’s Secret Angels because the work they put into themselves inspires me to be better.

    If you think people hate you because you’re beautiful, you’re wrong. People dislike you because you’re either conceited or have done something wrong to them.

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  16. Alijanico

    Good on you Meshel, I always enjoy reading your pieces, you wrap things up with humour and intelligence every time!

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  17. missamoo

    So well put Meshel!!. I have many friends who are stupidly beautiful both inside and out and never once have i heard them say that another woman hates them for that reason. Thanks for this and all your work, we are blessed that you get to have the country’s ear.

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  18. Nerrida

    Meshel, you fabulous woman. This is exactly what I was saying to some work colleagues. I don’t have a problem with pretty girls, I have a problem with stuck up girls who take advantage of their looks and then complain when all people do is judge them by their looks. Just like Brick. She talks incessantly about all the good things she’s been privy to because of her looks, then slips in a bitch abut how women hate her because she’s beautiful. No, I’d probably hate you because you do nothing but talk about how really really ridiculously good looking you are, and how you’re sorry you make the rest of us feel ugly. (Zoolander reference, for those who didn’t catch it.)

    I can appreciate a beautiful woman, but as my dad says, “Mole on the inside, shows on the outside.”

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  19. Debyl1

    Lovely work from a lovely soul.Written by a woman who is both beautiful inside and out x

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  20. Lovingthelongweekend

    Sorry but the only person in the gallery that I personally don’t think should be there is Tracy Grimshaw. I’m sure she may be a lovely person but the tv progams that she works for has worked for are not something to be proud of career wise. They are just sensationalist, biased ‘current affairs’ programs that breed unneccesary paranoia. I think it would have been better to put someone like Lee Lin Chin, Leigh Sales or Jenny Brockie. All of them are beautiful women who have contributed positively to the media.

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  21. B.B.

    Meshel, you are awesome!! Love your work and everything you’ve written here xxx

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  22. Becxtar

    I too knew a stunningly beautiful girl growing up. But her beauty shone not because of her looks but because of what a bloody lovely person she was.
    Ugly comes from within

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  23. taraandmike

    Perfectly summised. I have only felt pity for Samantha Brick for the last few days over this whole thing. Obviously she craves attention so much she will go to any leth to get it and that is sad. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and each of us find different things beautiful so each to their own.
    My gorgeous friend who has endured a horrendously bad marriage for 10 years to a man who ate every last piece of confidence she had has just become involved with a man I see to be physically quite average. She believes he is the most handsome thing she has ever met and cant uderstand what he sees in her. The thing I do like about him is he is so lovely to he and absolutely adores her. So each to their won, shes happy, hes happy so everyone wins. The thing Samantha Brick wants so much is attentiona and she got it. If we leave her alone hopefully she will go away.

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    • taraandmike

      Could we possibly reconsider Germaine Greer in the gallery? Her words about Julia Gillard the other week could only be described as ugly and dissappointing. No one deserves to be talked about like that, least of all the lady who runs our country.

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      • Lu

        I agree, her attitude is far from pretty.

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  24. Sarah

    Yep very true :)

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  25. K8e.

    Thank you Meshel, fantastic piece by a gorgeous woman.

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  26. Caroline

    Looking through the gallery- as much as it pains me to say it- Anna Bligh isn’t the ‘current’ QLD premier.

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  27. Anonymous

    Exactly, the fact this woman thinks woman hate her because she is beautiful shows she has never had a true friendship with a woman… very sad.

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  28. netanya

    Thank you Meshel!! I had this precise argument with some men yesterday… I believe women show are far greater and deeper appreciation for other women’s beauty. women who are disliked by other women are disliked for a multitude of far less superficial reasons!!

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  29. Anonymous

    well.said Meshel :-) wonderfully written piece by a beautiful woman !!! :-) ))

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  30. detachableprincess

    Oh, well said. You’ve managed to articulate all the vague things that I was thinking, but couldn’t quite put my finger on.

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  31. lauravalerie

    Perfect. Thanks Meshel.

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  32. marijana

    oh Meshel, you did it again! You just wrote exactly what I am thinking. I was actually going to ad my opinion to the Samantha-Brick-post, but haven’t gotten around to do it, as I was trying to put it together in my mind. But you just did it for me! THANK YOU. You. are. SO.RIGHT.FULL STOP.(to accentuate the full stop:-) )

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  33. Butters

    Exactly! Could not have put it more perfectly.

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