Dave Thornton
by DAVE THORNTON
Porn skews men’s view on sex. Fact. I feel sorry for youngsters who watch it and then think that every woman has the flexibility of a gymnast, the openness of a Scandinavian steam sauna and the dirty talk of an irate Christian Bale.
It sets unrealistic expectations and it’s more often than not derogative to the female who is just at the mercy of her testosterone-fuelled partner. (Don’t look at my Internet history! DON’T LOOK AT IT!!!!)
It’s detached from reality.
But we’re surrounded by unrealistic expectations. I’m only now starting to figure out that using male moisturizer doesn’t make me better at boxing and driving with models in my soft-top sports car.
And what of romance? What would be the ultimate romantic movie? Okay, take away ‘Hot tub time-machine’ and you’re probably thinking ‘The Notebook’.
What a movie!
Ryan Gosling. True love conquering all. Passionate kisses in the rain. Ryan Gosling. Am I right ladies?!?! *click thumbs in a ‘Z’ gesture like a sassy Jerry Springer guest*
I saw it after I was having a beer with some mates and we shared the topic of secret romantic films we like. I threw ‘Notting Hill’ into the mix (she’s just a girl looking at a boy, asking him to love her. JEBUS you’ve gotta be made of stone for that not to make you a blubbering mess!!!!)
While another mate said ‘The Notebook’. So a few days later I trudged down to my local DVD store and hired it out (jammed between ‘No Country for Old Men’ and ‘There will be Blood’, the DVD version of buying milk and bread and putting a packet of condoms in the middle).
The Notebook
Gotta be honest, I liked it. I really like it. I got choked up, like foreskin caught in my fly choked up…. OK that’s probably more a guy thing.
Yet as the dust settled it occurred to me that I felt let down by my relationships. I’ve never had that, I’ve never longed for someone so bad that I wrote a letter to them EV-ER-Y-DAY. I’ve never hurt so much that I was emotionally bereft for years on end. Hey life- WHERE’S MY ALLIE?!?!?!
NB: OK this column may have some spoilers in it however the movie’s been out for 8-years and if you didn’t get a chance to view it before a heterosexual 32-year-old sport loving guy then seriously what have you been doing all this time?
Then I started stewing over it more and the more I scrutinized the movie, the more I realized that Noah gets completely screwed over in this movie.
Let’s first look at it initially from Allies point of view.
She meets Noah, a young attractive kid from the wrong side of the tracks whose guile and charm wins her over. El promblemo (I don’t think that’s an actual Spanish word), he’s not the proper well-to-do man her parents approve of and they move far-far away. While helping out wounded soldiers as a nurse in The Great War, she meets a good-looking blue blood rooster, falls for him and heads home to marry. She sees Noah again and realizes that’s the man for her and chooses real love over money.
Even after reading that I got choked up – pollen count, it’s always the pollen count.
The Notebook
Now look at it from Noah’s point of view. He meeting a gorgeous girl and works his tail off to nab her. Rad. They spend a summer together and he gets belittled in front of her family by Mamma and Pappa silverspoon who then ship Allie off.
He writes to her every day but those letters are shut down by “Mama fun block”.
He goes off to WW1. Best friend is killed. Returns home and his father, only parent, confident and man of wisdom passes away. He does up the home he was left with on the hope that Allie will notice him.
He is an emotional chasm. He tries other relationships but can’t do it. The dude’s got nothing and then Allie returns and everything is peachy keen.
Man if I’d written letters to my one love for a year and gotten donuts, lost a best friend at war, lost my only parent and then built a house that I couldn’t get rid of I’d be a mess. I’d be one of those guys on public transport who constantly talks to himself and smells of burnt yoghurt.
Sure she’d return but she’s engaged now. I’m not sure if that’s romantic, that’s a dude constantly getting hammered by life.
As a guy who loves the opposite sex I’m now set up against an idea that is too great to conquer. Before the dinner has been booked, before the nervous conversation begins, before the text is sent after the date I’m already judged.
After all I’m just a boy, looking at a girl – hoping to impress her.
Dave Thornton is one of the hosts of Mamamia Today (that’s right! We’re on the radio! At 3pm weekdays!) and is known for his free flowing humor and extensive experience across TV, radio and stage, including regular appearances at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival.
Do you think movies such as The Notebook have given girls unrealistic expectations?
Comments
81 Comments so far
Awh Dave, you cutie! Don’t worry I don’t know if we really expect this is real life, it’s just a bit of escapism, well for me anyway.
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Yes! Finally, we are actually acknowledging the totally unrealistic and unobtainable romance of these movies.
I had a similar experience earlier this year, as a (very youthful) single 29yr old I was shunned by my female friends after admitting I was a Notebook virgin. After being made to sit through the film I was left feeling pretty much the same.
Is anyone feeling bad for the poor guy who she promised to spend the rest of her life with and then cheats on him and leaves?
I blame this movie for everyone of my female friends who has ditched a guy or not given him the chance due to unrealistic expectations of ‘love’. He’s too nice (poor excuse)/ there’s no spark.
Its different for everyone, I’m sure we all have our Noah’s out there, its just finding them and creating your own love story. I personally find romance being spending more than a long weekend with someone and NOT wanting to kill them! But then, I’m an old romantic.
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I actually thought that this post would head in a slightly different direction, namely that porn sets up unrealistic expectations of women and romantic movies sets up unrealistic expectations of men. (Not for men like Dave)
Or is that where you were headed between the lines?
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I personally loved The Titanic a hundred times more than The Notebook; The Notebook has never really emotionally touched me. I think there are plenty of more deserving and romantic movies out there, I really just don’t get all the hype with The Notebook.
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It’s a movie, not a documentary. If it were meant to be a realistic depiction, we wouldn’t have watched it. Lighten up. Truly.
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I couldn’t agree more. Take the ”You complete me” line from Jerry Maguire. Every time I hear that, it makes me want to cringe. Ummm…no they don’t complete you, you were complete before they were there, and you won’t be incomplete if they’re gone.
I love romantic movies, but have finally realized that real love and movie love are very different things. You know what? That’s okay with me. I used to think ”Why can’t our love be like that?” but have realized that it’s just a bloody script!!
Realizing that true love has ups, downs, happy, not so happy, good times, not so good times, and that the passion and intensity of your relationship will fluctuate at certain times is a great lesson. It stops you feeling disappointed when everything is not ‘movie romantic’ all the live long day.
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One of my exes is a walking egomaniac who cheated on me more times than I’ve had hot dinners. When I finally gave him the boot it became apparent that he also believed in grand Hollywood-style romantic gestures and showered me in gifts, letters, poetry, music compilations and flowers…. he even had his friends and family approach me to tell me how much he loved me and would do anything to have me back.
A year later and he was still doing it and even after 6 years would still phone/write every now and then to try it on again (unbeknownst to his new girlfriend I imagine). He said a couple of times that Ryan Gosling waited 7 years for his love to return in The Notebook and that he hopes that after 7 years the same will happen to him.
It was awful. As if dealing with the cheating and the humiliation and the break up wasn’t hard enough, the guilt I felt at his obvious and public despair made it so much harder. Despite the reasons for the break up I had always kept it reasonably amicable however I ended up feeling nothing but disgust and pity for the man. I still shudder at the thought of him and dread the next drunken phone call or email. I think the 7 years is now up… I really hope he’s got the message by now…. as nice as Hollyowd endings are, they rarely reflect reality.
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What a great post! This made my morning!
Thanks Dave
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I couldn’t agree more. I am a girl without a romantic bone in my body. If I was a man and met a girl who had expectations based on a Hollywood movie I would run in the opposite direction as fast as I could.
I think it’s forgivable if you’re a teenager and maybe in your early 20s but if you’re a grown woman and still waiting for a Ryan Gosling look-alike to sweep you up in the rain, then I think you might have some issues that need to be worked on.
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Dave Thornton, count yourself lucky you haven’t been swept away by those feelings. You can take a rational, realistic view of love and develop mutual respect and friendship. Take this from someone who had to feel all those feelings – you never get a choice over who will take your breath away, write useless letters, cried for eight months straight and wasn’t loved back. The ending to The Notebook is fantastic, but it just doesn’t always happen like that and feeling that love for someone and not getting it back turns anyone into a bus-stop rambler like you described (and it takes a LONG time to stop behaving like that and get back into real life, it’s not some short three month make over. Try three years, minimum). Put it this way: it.nearly.kills.you because they.don’t.always.love.you.back. You think what you have is enough, has to be enough, but sometimes it isn’t (there’s a song about that isn’t there?)
If i had the chance to stop myself feeling the feelings I used to have (sometimes still do) I would take it, my life would have gotten back on track sooner and I wouldn’t have wasted years of my life, my passion, energy and creativity trying to love someone and willing them back into my life when they wouldn’t come. Even all the ‘letting go’ doesn’t always work the first time. Sometimes you have to do it 10 times! They do say life isn’t fair, and it really, really isn’t. You just have to hope you’ll end up with something you deserve (even if it isn’t what you imagined).
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Off The Notebook topic, I hated that at the very end of Friends (tv series) Rachel and Ross got back together They were so very wrong for each other – it was so forced and unnatural. She should have flown off to Paris as planned to live and work with her daughter.
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Ross and Rachel are often noted as the best couple in TV history… all other TV couples are compared to them. Just sayin… they were perfect for each other, I thought it was a fantastic ending.
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Well I am going to go against the grain and say that in essence, I think the love in the Notebook is quite realistic. I love the part where Noah yells at Allie and says she pisses him off but she’ll get over and 5 minutes later do something else to piss him off. That they fight and then make up because that’s just what they do. I see straight through the hanging on for years and years to a past love – doing so doesn’t often end with a happily ever after, it just brings a lifetime of pain – but for me the message in the Notebook is that love is imperfect and you have to work at it.
I am a Ryan Gosling lover though, I won’t deny it. I even want to name my first born son Noah haha
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I loathe the Notebook movie… mostly because it absolutely murdered the book, which was stunning. Do yourself a favour and read the book. It is a million times better.
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I STILL HAVE NOT SEEN THE NOTEBOOK.
True dat.
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I did enjoy the notebook, but I wouldn’t say I loved it. That type of movie isn’t really my favourite type anyway. If I want a weepy think: the remains of the day, terms of endearment, steel magnolias, Camille etc.
While I think the notebook has raised the bar probably a bit too far for men, there was a movie called the pledge (I think) in which a mans wife lost her memory and he basically had to court her all over again, which he did, successfully, but it took years. It was a true story……..
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The Vow… also had Rachel McAdams in it.
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love it!
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Cool. That’s how we’re going to be – cool. Have fun and thanks for adding to the conversation…Womens clothing store features a superb range of women’s clothing for sale, suitable for all occasions.
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I hate all those rom com bullshit movies aimed at women who are deeply dissatisfied with their lives.
I haven’t watched The Notebook, but that photo of the kiss in the rain makes me want to vomit through my eyeballs.
Anyone who gets sucked into this hideous genre needs to punch themselves in the face, repeatedly and then start examining their own life choices very closely.
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Wow no one would ever mistakingly call you a romantic.
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Wow, me thinks thou doth protest too much. Someone must’ve broken your heart pretty bad for you to react like that! I don’t think there is anything wrong with enjoying these movies… and FYI a ‘rom com’ is acutally a romantic comedy this is not a comedy. It’s a love story and it’s beautiful. As for examining my life choices… they are all pretty awesome thanks! I think you have to start examining the way you respond to articles on a public forum.
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Ive never seen the notebook. Yes its been recommended a 1000 times. I just dont get Ryan. I find it hard to watch films if I dont like a particular actor/actress. so for now it goes unwatched!
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I wasn’t such a fan of this but liked him in ‘Lars and the Real Girl’ which is NOTHING like a rom com.
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I once dated a guy who felt that passionately. He wrote scores of love poetry about the love of his life and cried when we watched the Notebook because he really identified with Noah’s struggle.
Only problem was that the love of his life was another woman that he’d known for years and years but had never even kissed.
Kinda ruined the Notebook for me when he laid his soul bare (not to mention the relationship…)
Romantic.
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Not to be picky but it was WW2 not WW 1 but you know…. It’s just a movie right !?!
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I love the Notebook. My husband is my great love and whatever I do is better with him. When he was last deployed I wrote him an email every day for 8 months – does that count as a letter a day? He didn’t get to read them every day and rarely replied – it’s a war zone, he was busy with the Taliban etc. when he did phone my day was better just because I heard his voice. Great loves are out there you just have to keep looking.
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OH. THANK. THE. LORD.
I must admit I DO get choked up when (older) Allie has her brief moment of clarity and then choked up again when she forgets and poor (older) Noah is having to deal with that.
BUT most of all I just get MAD when I watch these movies because I’m never gonna get that. Ever. And it makes me want it. Bad.
Hollywood has a lot to answer for.
Mind you, as I say to friends: When it comes to romance flicks would you really watch the one where the accountant falls in love with the real estate agent and they stay at home on Saturday nights in the track pants and rent dvd’s and live a boring predictable life of shopping, paying bills ad infinitum for 40 years til one dies of a stroke and then the other goes on the pension and lives in a unit feeding the cat until they die? Probably not.
So I guess the message is – enjoy them for the ESCAPISM they are and don’t base your life ideals on them.
Oh and in my book – the best romantic movie EVER is Love Actually.
And best Christmas move ever – Die Hard!
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I have that, and I found it at 19. Lucky huh?
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Well I’m glad to see that I’m not the only female who doesn’t like The Notebook, or Ryan Gosling for that matter. When i watched it my first impressions were that Allie was a bit of a skank, cheating on her fiancée like that, and that he had some mental health issues if he couldn’t get over her in that amount of time!
That level of obsession is not romantic, its scary stalker AVO time.
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Can I be blunt?
“After all I’m just a boy, looking at a girl – hoping to impress her.” – Dave, I think you are a boy looking for a girl to bang and not much more…… I’m not sure this leaves you open to the deep emotional connection that The Notebook portrays.
That kind of love does exist. Absolutely.
When it comes to girls Dave, less is more…… and I mean that in the sense that it’s the guy who doesn’t indulge in porn because he is only interested in substance or his character is stronger in that it’s not for him… these are the guys who get the Allie type of connections.
I’m not saying you are not good enough. Life is a journey, we learn along the way. Maybe you are just not there yet?!
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Wow, very assumptive and a bit harsh. So, do the millions of women who consume porn or read 50 Shades & its ilk get the Allie type of connections?
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“After all I’m just a boy, looking at a girl – hoping to impress her.” Totally inspired by Anna Scott hey Dave
See, Dave is really a snag in disguise, he has at the very least watched two of the top rating girl flicks The Notebook and Notting Hill. I’m onto you Dave!
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Cath he actually mentions the line and attributes it to Notting Hill earlier in the piece… so um yeh “After all I’m just a boy, looking at a girl – hoping to impress her.” is obviously NH.
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Couldn’t agree with you more Dave!!!
This movie annoys me to no end! >.<
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*sighs*
I love the Notebook. More for the fact of how they are in their dotage. That’s probably because I am old and all my young romantic stuff is probably just living on in my head in amongst bad hair and fashion choices.
Besides, there are fuck all normal single men over 40. So Mr Gosling, live on and prosper in my head – just please ignore the bubble skirts and spiral perms.
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what’s porn got do with an article about a romance movie????
I dont get it????
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I think the point is that porn can give men (and women) unrealistic views of sex, the same way that hollywood romance can give women (and men) unrealistic views on romance.
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The Notebook (and other Hollywood films) have definitely given me ridiculously high romantic expectations. But it hasn’t ended in disaster. Somehow, I am now living my own (less dramatic) version of The Notebook.
Here’s how it happened: Met boyfriend. Fell madly in love with boyfriend. He had to move 3000km away (navy boy). And then he had to go away to sea for extended periods of time (see aforementioned point about navy).
He doesn’t send letters but I get a lot of emails, a lot of roses turning up on my doorstep and once he got a friend to sneak over to my house in the middle of the night and put a giant sign on my car so that I’d find it in the morning.
When I’m actually with him, he doesn’t take me on boat trips with heaps of swans but he does cook me my favourite dinners and buy me pretty shoes. Which is even better because I hate birds.
I have not found myself engaged to another more eligible gentleman although I am having a bit of a love affair with peanut butter on toast. And my parents approve so that makes it considerably less Notebook-esque.
But apart from that – it’s pretty much the Notebook, yeah?
So those unrealistic expectations aren’t all bad… right… right?
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This is beautiful, Nat, and I think true romance really is out there!
I think what’s so sweet about your story is that your boy (man) does things that you genuinely enjoy. He knows you, he knows what makes you happy, what makes you smile, and how to touch your heart.
He also sounds like a very mature person who understands that distance can cause obstacles, and that you both need to work a little bit harder to overcome them.
I think the problem with ‘hollywood romance’ is that it’s so much less about the people involved, why they’re compatible, why they work (or don’t work). The people always seem to throw huge, romantic gestures at each other and life ends up okay.
Real relationships (like yours) while they look fairytale and hollywood on the outside, are built on real connection, real compatibility and real effort – not just the grand gestures.
I’m truly happy for you, Nat, and I hope you and your Mister are very happy for a long time.
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Oh thank so much Sare! He is a beautiful (and mature) person and I’m not sure what I did to deserve him – but I’m not going to question it too much
xxxx
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Is his dad single? :p
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Sadly no… He has some single friends though, if you like a younger man
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I hope someone has let the peanut butter on toast know that you’re straying….
Seriously, you’re a lucky girl. Stick with that one, he sounds like a definite keeper.
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One of the worst movies I have ever seen.
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Answer to your question: Yes. All romance movies do.
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Hey Dave, you had *me* at hello
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I hated The Notebook. Allie was a lousy person: she cheated on her fiance, and with an ex, and Noah was left a mess. Hated it.
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I’m just going to say it… I don’t like Ryan Gosling and I don’t like The Notebook. Phew, that was a relief. However, I do love you Dave, you are my kind of man. Funny always wins over soppy, idiotic, fake romance in my book any day ;p
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You’ve already impressed me!
I’m a huge reader of romance novels and a big-time watcher of romantic movies. (I haven’t seen/read all the classics, like Pride & Prejudice, Gone with the Wind, etc. Too stuffy and boring for me!) I’m one of those girls who is really convinced that a fairytale romance is just waiting to happen for me. Totally not true and yes, I’ve set myself up for a big disappointment.
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No, no, no! You’re missing out – nothing at all stuffy about Gone With the Wind and Pride and Prejudice! You must read, or at least watch, them. Too good to miss out on!! (Mind you, Scarlett is a bit of a trollop!)
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You were close with your Spanish! It’s “el problema”.
His father was his confidant, not his confident!
Unfortunately your English could use some work
Never seen The Notebook, and totally don’t get into rom coms. I don’t really get the appeal.
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i love the notebook i’ve watched it too many times to count and i’ll watch it a million more,its sad,funny,heartbreaking and keeps you waiting and when it’s finished you want more
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Loved this.
Would pick you over Ryan any day if given half a chance, Dave.
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i just want to add that this story HAD to be set in the 1940s, otherwise they’d have been able to sext and Facebook the be-jeesus out of each other, even after Allie’s family holiday ended.
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True love conquers all? What is it supposed to conquer in The Notebook?
I personally always felt Allie was a bit of a skank. She cheats on lovely dashing fiance Lon with Noah after her first b0nk convinces her they have a future togehter – sooo not romantic! Ooh, we rowed through a pond of ducks/ swans whatever. Big woop.
It was a holiday fling guys! Unresolved sexual tension plus he’s forbidden fruit ‘cos Mama said no. Plus, what was with the beach scene?! “Caw, caw (flaps arms) I’m a bird, now say you are too! Say you’re a bird” Oh, please –> COME ON!
I don’t care for Noah either – he’s a total sh1t to that lovely War Widow Martha Shaw that he’s b0nking who is trying to reach out to him. I mean, he doesn’t even try and be civil with her – he just grunts and is a grumpy sh1thead. Selfish spoilt Allie gets what she deserves in selfish, sadsack Noah. They are a match for that reason.
I’d love to see the “other” story in which War Widow Martha hooks up with Allie’s cuckolded fiance Lon. Now that would be a film worth watching. (yes, I am a female)
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HAHAHAHAHA this made me laugh so much!! It’s so true. Pitch that movie to the execs, I would love it. I felt so sorry for the war widow:(. I really did enjoy the movie but I was thinking all of these thoughts when watching it.
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Jeez, Dave, as if being on the radio wasn’t already enough to get you laid…
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BEST ARTICLE EVER
!!!!
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I like the *idea* of romance like this, but in practice, if I met a man who made me his world. Someone whose whole life fell apart because I wasn’t in it, I think I would run the other way. I like the idea of a man whose life, like mine, is complete without a romantic partner.
I like the idea of a partner who has interests of his own, and a functioning life that makes him happy without me. The alternative, being quite literally someone else’s EVERYTHING, puts way too much pressure on me. I’d constantly be wondering what happens if we don’t work out? What happens if I don’t feel as strongly? What happens if one day one/both of our feelings change?
I like the idea of two lives coming together, and blending well. Having someone in your life that you want there, someone you’d fight for to make things work, someone you know your life is richer for having in it, but keeping enough of yourself, of your own identity, to know that your world wouldn’t end without them.
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Love this comment! So wise
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I completely agree with you.
I am a HOPELESS romantic. I always have been. I’ve read every jane austen, seen every rom-com and am the girliest girl you’ve ever met. When i hear stories of cute things other people’s boyfriends do i sigh and smile BUT when it happens to me (and it has) i run the other way! Too much! Too much! Big piles of romance where you feel like you’re being swamped and dont know what to do is too over the top and makes me feel suffocated. I want someone who doesnt smother me. Someone who has their own interests and things going on. Flowers are nice but if they’re given less often they mean so much more!
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I think The Notebook was a bunch of bullsh*t.
Oh, you’re going to cheat on your fiance? That’s cool but, cus you’re actually in love with Noah, lol go for it! TRUE LOVE YEAH!
Feck I hate how every romantic movie makes it out that cheating is ok if you’re cheating with your ‘true love’.
Also Allie was moody and grumpy all the time. She either screamed in frustration or screamed in joy. STFU Allie!
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I agree – I hate how movies making cheating seem glamorous and unavoidable when you’re ‘totally in love’! If you’re TRULY in love with someone, and you have any decency at all, end the relationship with the person you’re with. It’s downright disrespectful not to, whether you’re going after your ‘soulmate’ or not!
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You know what my friend said to me a few weeks ago in my 1 week post break up, “maybe we’ll get back together” trauma? Something that hurt me at the time, but something I KNOW she is totally right about.
She said that, in real life, people don’t get back together. Ridiculously romantic moments of realising that person is “the one” and chasing them across the world, don’t happen. There aren’t ridiculous romantic declarations of love outside the British Library and people “having you at hello”. If those movies had sequels, the sequels would show them breaking up for the exact same reasons they broke up in the first place. Because they were or had become, incompatible.
Whilst she hurt me when she said that, it was a good shake up. YES, people do get back together in real life, and romantic things happen, but generally speaking, with a broad brush approach, she is right. Hollywood is not reality!
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*hugs* break ups suck (I’m going through one at the moment).
I totally agree with you too – life isn’t hollywood. There are some of those crazy-huge lovey moments, but they’re the exception, not the norm.
That’s kind of why I loved the movie “The Break Up” because (spoiler) they did, in fact, break up. And that’s how life would go.
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YES. Another movie I watched with Ex Mr W just before we broke up was that 5 Year Engagement movie. I felt SICK throughout the whole movie that it was exactly our situation (not exactly but similar). Funny, when we broke up, he told me he had felt the same way about the movie when we watched it.
(*that being said spoiler alert – they do get back together in the end, so maybe scrap that bit from the movie, then it is all applicable to me haha)
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There’s nothing more awkward than watching a movie and thinking “oh my god, this is totally me”!
That being said, I can’t imagine how tough that particular situation must have been! *biggest e-hugs in the world*
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Totally agree. I can think of two of my girlfriends who have had that huge romantic crazy gesture experience, and it was horribly embarrassing for both them and the guys involved.
The first one finally extricated herself from a completely unsuitable relationship that was going nowhere by moving overseas to study. She was making lots of new friends and having a great time, when all of a sudden the old boyfriend showed up on the doorstep of her shared house with a bunch of flowers. It was creepy and awkward, particularly because he’d taken a 25-hour flight and had nowhere else to stay…
The other friend was in a relationship that was ‘on the rocks’ for a very long time, mainly because of his and her fundamentally different values and ideas about the future. They spent a few months apart and the girl started seeing someone else. The ex-boyfriend then started leaving long, rambling (but not drunken) messages on her phone which sounded exactly like the script from an Adam Sandler movie. Long speeches about how he finally realised she was the girl for him. The funny thing was that he seemed to actually be acting a role, rather than speaking from the heart. It was like he had seen so many movies he thought that was the required next step.
I don’t think any grand romantic gesture can truly save a relationship that has fizzled out – or not worked because of basic incompatibility. The great thing about the romantic movies is that, in true Austen-esque fashion, there is always a couple that is actually perfect for each other … if only they could communicate.. if only they could get over their imagined barriers… if only they didn’t listen to their parents’ or friends’ misguided advice … if only the girl could take off her nerdy glasses and the guy could really *see* her for the first time… etc etc.
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Probably not what you want to hear, but my boyfriend and I broke up about a year into our relationship, got back together and have been together for 10 years since.
Although, I think it totally depends on why you broke up.
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I didn’t say that my friends comments applied to everyone.
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Yikes – snappy
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No, not snappy – I did say in my above comment that my friends advice was a general, broad brush approach that didn’t apply to everyone.
And if it did come across as snappy, well I apologise.
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I definitely agree. I think what Whippersnapper meant is that you have to work on the issues, on the real reasons you broke up in the first place. Ignoring them and just doing some huge romantic gesture to win someone back won’t get you anywhere. Yeah, it’ll probably get the person back, but you won’t stay together unless you work through why you broke up in the first place.
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I know a million couples (well, not literally) who are the exception to that rule, but I totally hear what your friend is saying – and she’s a good friend to hear it. Sometimes you need that horrible punch of reality to push you from the denial stage into the grieving stage (run through that and get to anger, it’s much more fun!) Hope you’re doing okay WS, thinking of you! xx
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My friend went halfway across the world to get his ex-fiancee back.
It backfired horribly, of course!
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I think Ryan Gosling gives girls unrealistic expectations – he doesnt even need a Notebook!!
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Completely! I idolise absolutely everything Ryan Gosling does and my husband knows it (sorry hun). At least it sparked him to get to the gym and get a haircut / have a shave more often
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I LOVE romantic movies and yet have to agree that they do a disservice to both men and women. I mean, Noah builds her a house with his bare hands for crying out loud! How is any man supposed to compete??!
Just FYI though, I’m pretty sure the Notebook is set in the 1940s which means Noah fights in WWII. Details….
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I read romance novels … even mills and boon and if anything I have the most cynical view of love… I believe in it but it’s definitely a shit-ton of hard work that at 24 I have no patience for… one day I’ll get there but don’t assume because we read romance that romance readers heads are in the clouds. Check out websites like Smart Bitches Trashy Books to see just why we read those books… sure the awww lovey dovey stuff factors in but that’s a very small part of the reason.
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Aww Dave.
You’ve won me over just from reading this post.
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