So... what's your number?
Boy, do we love a bit of useless movie trivia in the MM office. That’s how we spend our days. Mia sends us emails with pictures of lobsters. Nat bangs on about touch footy. And I send emails that start with, “Hey did you know that Ryan Gosling built the kitchen table featured in The Notebook as preparation for his role as Noah?” (At which point Lucy swoons and then tells me that Rick’s reaction is to pretend to stab himself in the eye with his biro). Lana meanwhile is running the site. And baking. Simultaneously.
Now here’s a bit of movie trivia that started an interesting conversation between us all on Skype chat. In the new movie What’s Your Number? the producers apparently had to “test” the lead character’s number of sexual partners to find a number that was, er, appropriate for today’s audience. Because the lead character in the flick is a woman. You pickin’ up what I’m puttin’ down? Woman + number of sexual partners = judgment. If she’d slept with too many men, the producers said female audiences would think the character was a slut. Harsh but true, apparently. And if the number of her sexual conquests was too few, well, anyone watching with a higher number might feel promiscuous.
Decisions. Decisions.
Finding an “acceptable” number was quite the juggle apparently. And in the end they decided on 20. The premise of the movie? If you’ve slept with more than 20 people you’re less likely to find love.
In an interview with the SMH, when asked whether 20 partners was a lot for a woman to have slept with, lead actress Anna Faris said:
I think it’s a totally appropriate number but I also think, ‘Why are we [as a society] still having this discussion? It’s fun to talk about and it’s interesting but it’s sad that we still have a lot of guilt surrounding our [sexual] experiences. What does that say about us?”
By the by, I’ve heard the movie is so-so but Anna Faris is fabulous in interviews. I digress. It got us thinking in the MM office about numbers. Does it matter how many people someone’s slept with? And why do we even care? And has anyone ever asked you how many people you’ve slept with? And was wine involved?
According to Rick there’s a theory about sex numbers. If a man tells you how many people he’s slept with, you divide the answer by three. Ask a woman, and multiply her answer by three. This is generally speaking, of course. And we’re not sure what protocol is if a man tells you a number that’s not a multiple of three.
So have you ever lied about your number? Do you care about other people’s numbers? As a female would it bother you if your male partner had slept with fewer people than you?
Comments
212 Comments so far
This is a tough one. I have slept with 9 people..that I can remember. There are another 3 but i woke up without any memory from the night before. Absolutely horrible experience. My number would be less than 9 if alcohol wasn’t involved..you’d think it would be enough to turn me off drinking. Reading this back, maybe it will?
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One – we met when I was 18, first did ‘it’ when I was 19, and 11 years later are still doing ‘it’ together. I did not plan for it to happen this way, but that’s life. I do sometimes wonder what it would be like with someone else, but have seen so many girlfriends go through so much angst that I’m generally pretty happy with the way it panned out.
The big thing for me, as a knowledgeable and wise teenager, was how was it possible to find one person attractive over and over again for years. I guess that answer, for me, is that we’ve changed over time, and so have the things that I need and find attractive. Once I went mad for the crazy guy on his motorbike, now I find the gentle daddy rocking his baby to sleep so sexy – and the man who just dusted, vacuumed and mopped? Get that butt over here…
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I’m 41 and I don’t know what my number is. I don’t know what my husband’s is. It has no bearing on our decisions to buy a lounge, car, house, go on a holiday, have children, wear a blue t-shirt or eat toast for breakfast.
It is not relevant.
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My number is 1. I was 17…then I married him. I’m now 30 (WTF? When did that happen?). I wasn’t planning on marrying my first, it just kinda… happened. I had some regrets when I was in my early 20′s and my friends were sleeping around, but now? I wouldn’t change a thing.
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No MM staff weighing in with their numbers?
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Guess!
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I actually had weighed in with some playful guesses based on the staff’s personalities (or perceived personas to be more accurate) but deleted it when I realised some might take offence and, more importantly, its lack of relevance. I know people who’ve slept with very few (including one and none) and I know people whose tallies could possibly be in three figures (and at least two who are). There are those who would be quick to judge both these ‘extremes’ but at the end of the day if it’s consensual and fun for both parties (or more if that floats your boat) then what does it matter?
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I don’t even bat an eyelid with my friends. I have one who is high (really high) and another who is low (really low) and it doesn’t make a jot of difference
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I’m 23 and I think I’m up to 12. I’ve had long term relationships (3 years, 18mnths and 12 mnths) and out of the 12 only about 3 were one night stands. I think it’s pretty easy to get your numbers up if you go through a bunch of relationships that don’t work out or a single patch. I don’t regret sleeping with any of my lot. My theory about pretty much everything is if it seemed like a good idea at the time and I had fun it must be a good thing
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all good points cabbagefairy! my ‘number’ is five but all five of them were within the year between losing my virginity and meeting the guy I have spent the last five years with. none of them were one night stands. so I guess if I hadn’t met my current boyfriend and continued on at that same rate, I’d be at… around 30 by now. scary! but it’s easy to see how that can happen. sex is fun, ok?! as long as everyone’s being safe and respectful, I don’t see the harm. I don’t regret anything.
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When i was sixteen i went to a party and a girl there was drunk and lost her virginity in a car to a stranger while 6 people were standing around the car laughing, taking pictures,rocking the car, ringing their friends to tell them about it.
My heart broke for her. Something that should be private was just a party joke. Ive wondered if she regrets it, or if it shaped her future sex decisions. It was seeing that that made me wait until i met “the one.” I didnt want to be a punchline or joke, a number to a guy, or too drunk to remember what happened like so many of my friends experiences. So i waited and am glad. I never had to worry about STDs, pregnancy, being used, etc.
For me to be serious about a guy he couldnt have slept with more than 10 girls. The guys number was important to me, because if he had a large number it would mean he had lots of one night stands and meaningless sex, which is something that im not looking for in a partner.
I dont judge anyones number, i just know that their number is not for me
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“A man likes to be the first, and a woman likes to be the last”
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my number is 20. i’m 27 y.o. i’ve had 4 boyfriends. the others have been flirty fun and flings with male friends.
i look back to when i was yonger (before age 22) and think that i did get myself into some pretty silly situations. i do wish i’d made some different decisions and not jumped straight into bed with some people. i am so incredibly in love with my now partner, and i’m torn whether or not to tell him my number. i’m very honest, so lying to him or making up a lower number is not an option. he is catholic but has slept with a few people before we met. i’m imaging it would be far less than 10, probably more around 5. i’m really not sure how he would react if i told him my number. i hope he’d leave the past in the past and not judge, i’m sure this would be the case. but i’m not sure if i should just keep my mouth shut all together????
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I’ve been in a very similar situation. Met my wonderful partner at 26 and had slept with around 20 guys… mix of boyfriends, guys I was seeing and one night stands (quite a few regrets!). My partner was quite a straight I really didnt want to divulge. But I did after some discussion and his reaction was very reassuring and sweet. He basically didn’t like the idea of me being treated by guys, in what he believes, is the wrong way. Well I’m very thankful they did cause I ended up finding him.
I think that someone who truely cares for you accepts you for everything in your past knowing who you are today and what made you that way!
Numbers should not matter!
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In my 20′s my number is 6. Compared to friends and other people I think my number is low but to be honest a couple were one night stands and it may be a cliche but they did make me feel cheap. In the comments a lot of people are saying ‘who cares’ about the number and I have to say I kind of did care about my partners number, not in a way that it caused or could cause a fight but just a morbid curiosity I guess? If he had slept with heaps (my opinion of heaps I guess and I don’t even know what that would be) I think it may have played on my insecurities a bit and I’d wonder if I was going to be enough. As it is now amazing partner, very much in love, best sex of my life.
Im all for supporting men and women to be viewed equally when it comes to sex and our attitudes but I really hope it’s always safe sex!
Also I have a friend struggling to get over an ex, in the time they’ve been broken up, 10 months ish, she has probably slept with close to 20 people none of whom become more than a one or two night stand and she’s still absolutely hung up on her ex and really struggling to move on. I think she is having sex for the wrong reasons. But I try to show her as much support as I can.
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I remember when my mum found out about my first boyfriend when I was 17
- who I was sleeping with- and she cried because she said I would never find a husband ‘because men don’t want to marry women who are not virgins’ even though strangely when my older brother moved in with his girlfriend it wasn’t a problem. I was like mum 1954 called they want their sexual double standards back.I’m 21 now and have been with 6 men one of whom I now live with. Mum thinks my number is only 2
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Is your mother ‘ethnic’? My mother didn’t speak to me for a year wen I lived with my boyfriend, I was dead to her. The shame oh the shame…even more shameful he didn’t marry me. I’m still considered ‘tainted’ goods…but my brother was highly encouraged to sleep around. Sick of the double standard. Thanks god someone married me!
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No she’s is just a very strict Christian. She told me when we broke up that I was like a ‘used rag’ and ‘who would want to marry you now?’ Seriously. I love her but her views on sex are from another time…
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Ha – my mother reacted in a similar way when she found out I’d slept with my then-BF at age 20. I believe I said something similar to her about the 50′s. After BF and I broke up and I met my now-husband, she predicted that he was probably only interested in me because he knew he could get some (no her exact words).
Bet she is still wondering why I moved out of home so soon after that. Sheesh.
Same as you – my Mum would think my number is 2. I’ve never had the heart to tell her about the 3 before the ‘first’.
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Haha it’s amazing what goes on that mum’s never find out about.
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One of my best girlfriends had a funny conversation the other day..My number is 1–met him at 19 and still together 21 years later (im 40) and her number is over 100…she is now engaged but we were both a bit embarrassed of our “numbers”! She said she hasnt told her fiancee her real number and I said i never tell anyone I have only had one sexual partner! It feels a bit daggy and unadventurous even though I didnt plan it that way!
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I’m the same Flo…met my husband at 17 and still together 23 years later (just turned 40). I always get embarressed when this subject comes up in conversation, never wanting to admit to one, even though alot of people tell me how wonderful it is and I should be proud of it…but doesnt stop me from thinking “I wonder what it would be like with someone else!”
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i don’t know my mumber… i never worried about keeping count… maybe around 25- 30? i am in my mid 30s and have had the same partner for 11 years and happy to keep him forever…
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I’m 23 and I lie about my number all the time.
My number is zero, you see, and being a 23 year old, attractive, educated, feminist, open-minded, atheist virgin doesn’t make much sense to most of my friends. It’s just that as well as being all those things, I happen to be a closet romantic. So I lie to most people and hint at having slept with at least a couple of guys.
So there you have it. It goes both ways.
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Bravo to you! For most people the memory of your first kiss is better than the memory of your first sexual experience.
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So true !!
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a 23 year old, attractive, educated, feminist, open-minded, atheist virgin
Ditto……seriously exactly the same!
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34 year old, average, male, open-minded, atheist virgin. Trying to explain that to a girl is enough to scare me from looking for one.
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I think you’d be surprised about women’s reactions to that. Especially women around your own age.
i.e., I don’t think the reaction would be bad – maybe they’d take it more as a challenge – and a blank slate to teach you well!
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22 and the same!
I lie too. Although I feel guilty sometimes at the same time I don’t think its anyone elses business.
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22 and the same- maybe there’s more of us than we think?
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21 year old right here.
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This was me to a tee!!
Do you ever get the shocked ‘But you’re so pretty!’ when you tell people the truth?
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I’m 22 but other than that exactly the same. I don’t actually lie but I definitely give misleading hints
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15 is my lucky number, although have been married for 10 years and been with my husband for 14 years all up. We got together when I was 23. So it was a busy few years before that, too much teenage angst that ran into my early 20′s. Some bad decisions and then again, some people were lots of fun.
Now, the useful part of having a high number such is 15 (is it really that high?And anyway, I’m past caring) is that when I can’t sleep at night I try and remember who they were and in what order – I always fall asleep before I get to the end…
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HAHA awesome! I’m gonna play that game next time I’m lying in bed bored!
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I’m 37…I stopped counting at 50….so going by Rick’s theory, that makes it…ummm lots.
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Same I’m 40 now and I’m sure my number is around 50 , works out to be about 2 a year although some years I was in long term relationships…..
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Oh and I’ve NEVER had a one night stand!
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I’ve lost count but it’s over 40, I’m 28. I agree with Anna Faris’ comments and the general comments below. It doesn’t matter but I wish I could convince myself of that. I’ve not told my partner how many, we’ve never asked each other which is great in my opinion. We’re very open about our experiences and talk about past conquests etc but niether of us would want to discuss it that specifically.
I have told past boyfriends and I’ve lied every time because once I told the truth and it didn’t go well. ha!
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Notched it up to 6 on Saturday night (on a kitchen bench might I add…!!!) I have no problem with casual sex, because I happen to enjoy it. Maybe that makes me a slut, whatever. I’m a uni student, I have high ambitions and I’m making progress towards my future career- why should sex define who I am? Peace
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love it!
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This is a touchy subject for me. I try really hard not to be judgemental towards my friends, but several of them are 23/24 and in the high 20′s. It’s not so much the number as to the reasons behind why they are racking up these numbers. One friend constantly sleeps with people to validate herself. Whenever she tells me about her latest conquests I can’t help but cringe when I hear about they way in which they treat her. I’m all for sexual freedom and enjoying your youth & having fun, but I think there is a fine line between self respect and ‘fun’. I think this goes for both male and females and this frustrates me the most, because I think its important that both males and females show respect for themselves.
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everyone has different ideas of respect. If I see a friend sleeping with guys and not being ok with it, trying to make him happy, then that’s not cool. but someone who enjoys it and is genuinely ok with the outcome of casual sex, then that’s fine. So i agree with your sentiment here
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This is very true. Everyone does have a different idea of respect. I think I just have high standards for my friends which sometimes is too harsh and unrealistic. I also think because I have had different experiences to them I have to be careful not to judge based on my own expectations and experiences. But I can’t help that feeling I get when they are on the high straight after then a few weeks down the track devestated that he didn’t call, or hooked up with someone else in front of them etc. I think a lot of girls say its fun and casual which it can be, as long as you dont go back for more and get attached when its not the mans intentions! I think men need to realise that if they want women to enjoy the benefits they do, they have to be very aware of how they treat the girl afterwards.
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Who cares what the number is? It’s not like vaginas wear out from too much sex.
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Have you heard of the term “loose as a goose” Do you ever hear a swooh sound come from there like the Grand Canyon? My guess is yes.
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Anonymous #2, if you hear a ‘swoosh’ sound, it’s coming from between your ears.
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That reasoning makes absolutely no sense in regards to how many people you sleep with. By that logic you would have the same…erm…results with one partner if you had sex with them the same amount of times as if you did it each time with a difference person
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Oh yeah, my babies just fell out of my grand canyon. NOT.
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Wow, you’re really classy. I notice you didn’t mention your number…
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Actually, Anonymous – the vagina is a muscle which gets tighter the more it’s used.
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Yes but what bloke wants that vagina long term when its been all over town. Not many I suspect.
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Until my mid-30s, my number was 1. I’m now 43 and my number is 8: 4 men, 4 women, and 2 of the women were with my current man. I don’t know my partner’s exactly number (he probably doesn’t either) but it’s a lot higher than mine. But that doesn’t bother me as it’s history; it’s what he does now that’s my business.
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I’m 25 and on 5… Plus 2 others that “almost”. I lost my virginity at 21, and all of them bar one were one nighters with guys I had known for a while. The only one I have slept with more than once is the one I didn’t know until the night I took him home. He was a bit ashamed to tell me his number (20ish, he’s 26) but it doesn’t bother me in the slightest as they were all safe and consensual.
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See, my problem is counting – everyone has a different system. My most recent ex insisted we’d had sex after we’d spent a few hours fooling around, me, I always thought it didn’t count in the tally unless you’d actually engaged in intercourse. And how does that work for lesbians – what would “count” for them? I had one friend who said that it only counted if you’d scissored, that eating out for lesbians is still not sex.
So…I count my number as nine, because I don’t count intimate encounters that didn’t actually go all the way…yet I don’t know if I agree with my own system, because I dated one guy who had some recurring health issues, and even though he could never get it up for more than short bursts and never long enough to actually properly consummate the relationship (very Charlotte and Trey, I thought), we were together for a while, had a lot of fun trying everything but intercourse, so I still feel like maybe it meant enough to count…but does that mean I have to count the boyfriend who went down on me as a teenager, then?
This numbers thing is far too complicated!
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This sounds a bit like Bill Clinton’s argument – “I did not have sex with that woman” but nevertheless he did come all over her dress.
As far as I’m concerned (and I’ve slept with both men and women), anything that involves contact with one another’s genitals is sex. Definitely including nomnoms.
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This is interesting.
When I started reading this, I automatically figured my number would be 1 (I’m 21), because I only include vaginal sex, as a straight female.
But if we’re counting anything involving contact with genitals, then mine is at 5.
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I definitely don’t count anything other than penetration (as a straight woman) perhaps if I were gay or Bi i’d look at this differently.
I remember in school our religion teacher told us “IF you’re having oral sex or giving out hand jobs, that counts as sex”
we thought it was the most difficult thing to comprehend considering you are still a virgin until you have ‘real sex’.
This has added a whole other dimension!
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I also can’t help but wonder, “what if you tried to tell a lesbian couple that what they spent all last night doing was not actually sex”? And what would a lesbian count as losing her virginity? I count myself as having lost two virginities – the same-sex virginity was the first time I got naked with a woman.
I see ‘sex’ as a broader term than ‘sexual intercourse’; you can do the former without having yet done the latter.
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I find this really interesting too… Consider also a sexual assault, no one wants to count that as a ‘number’, and shouldn’t have to.
As someone who’s slept with men and women, and had sex so drunk I can’t remember it, and been in intimate, meaningful relationships with “everything but”, I would count sexual intimacy toward it, not just intercourse.
That being said, Im sttruggling to count- 5 I think?
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“Definitely including nomnoms.” giggle
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That’s part of the problem for me. There are definately 2 instances that I don’t want to count because they were, ahem, less than consensual unfortunately.
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I am 26 yes old and have a beautiful girlfriend who I love very much. We have been together for almost 3 years. Before her I had slept with 73 women. I know this number because I kept count, it was a game to me. But now I am very happy stranded on 74. I have never asked my gf how many men she has slept with and she has never asked me, I aim to keep it that way. What’s in the past is in the past.
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Two partners … a long-term boyfriend from 19 to 24 years of age, then I met my husband and have been happily married for 24 years.
I was brought up Catholic and took that pretty seriously when I was young … for various reasons I’m not religious now and I sometimes feel I did miss out on ‘sowing some wild oats’. I don’t want to sleep around now and don’t feel that I need more sex (either in or out of marriage), but I think I may have been a bit of a prude in my teens/twenties and possibly that is a slight regret.
I know my 22 year old daughter has already had probably 7 or 8 partners and I don’t believe she feels promiscuous. I sometimes wish she would wait a bit longer with her boyfriends (if only to play hard to get a bit), but she’s definitely not slutty or tarty.
My husband had 5 or 6 partners before he met me, he’s 6 years older than me so that was expected, we’ve talked about it a bit but it’s always been a non-issue. I don’t believe he would have cared if I had slept with 20 or 30 other men before I met him.
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on a lot of levels, the fact we still need to have this conversation upsets me. what makes someone ‘numberable?’ what is the line between a ‘number’ and someone you just fooled around with? when does it become sex? are we talking penile-vagina only? i’ve worked in the sex industry – the number of men (and the occasional woman too!) who have walked through my doors and paid for my services would be in the hundreds easily. on top of that, i’ve had sexual encounters with more people than i can count – or recall the number of. i recall individuals and moments, but have long since stopped bothering counting it, or thinking it mattered. i honestly couldn’t say what my ‘number’ is. what matters to me is that my partner loves and respects me for whatever parts of who i am now are out on display. this is who i am, and the idea of his/her number, or my number, impacting on this, seems shockingly sad to me.
i wouldn’t care if he/she was a virgin, or was also someone who’d worked in the sex industry, or someone who’d explored what they wanted in all sorts of varied ways, as long as they were kind, compassionate, and all those other things i want in a lover. it’s neither something to boast of, or be ashamed of.
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I lost count when I ran out of fingers and toes to count them on….and then decided i didn’t want to be a person that kept count anyway…seems a bit tawdry, really
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I am 28 and my number is in the 20s somewhere. When I met my now boyfriend and we were having this light-hearted discussion I told him somewhere between 5 and 10 (I gave him an exact number) because I didn’t want him to think I was promiscuous, and also to not make him feel bad for having 3. Then I forgot the exact number and recent discussions have made me come clean. Not that he really cares.
I started when I was 16 with a boy I was with until I was 20. And I have been with my current for 5.5 years. Which leaves a hell of a lot of fun for those couple of years in between.
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Alright, let me break this down for you…
List A: guys I’ve fooled around with, but not gone all the way – 5
List B: guys I’ve gone all the way with – 4.
Two threesomes – one with two from List B, one with one from each List. Both of which happened during the period I was dating the other guy from List B. Long story, short relationship.
One guy from List A is a brother of my first ever guy from List B. One other guy from List A is their step-cousin.
Started fooling around at just past 16, and started dating P-Daddy (therefore stopping all other extra-curricular activities) at just past 18. So, all of the above happened within 2 years. For the last nearly-10 years though, it’s just been P-Daddy.
That was complicated to work through!
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Complicated but interesting!! I think I would like to write a novel about your experiences. Working title: “Family Ties”
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Have your people call my people….
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I was trying to work this out the other day.. I think around 30. Some I reference by city or country when I was backpacking, lol.
It was always safe, and very enjoyable. I’m 38 now, and didn’t start having sex until I was 18. and includes a year long dry spell and two 5+yr relationships.
My number is exactly that, my number – I am very happy that each of those numbers are there and it doesn’t define me, and if it defines me for others, well, how sad for them.
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My number is 6 and I’m 22. 3 of them were one night stands, 3 were people I was dating, and all of them within 12 months of losing my virginity, before number 6 became my boyfriend 3 years ago! He’s only slept with one person more than me, but his number would have to be pretty high for me to think twice about it. When I was single, my only rule was sex with one man a month because I never wanted to be in a position where I accidently got pregnant and didn’t know who the father was, but I actually broke that rule once, so there’s no judgement here! Would never judge someone for having a high or low number, as unless I’m having sex with them it doesn’t affect me at all.
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I think it’s so dependant on whether you’ve been lucky enough to find one person you stick with for a long time. At the age of 18 I was up to 7… where I’ve since then (I’m now 25) because I’ve had a long-term partner. I would imagine that if I hadn’t found that special person by now my number would be a hell of lot higher
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Thank you – exactly! I’m at 7 and I’m 22. A lot of my friends are on 1 -3 but they’ve had serious relationships that have lasted several years. Meeting someone special slows down your number a lot but sadly it doesn’t happen for some of us!
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LOL I have had many a conversations about this is friends (blokes and girls). I can say I can count all mine on one hand (including my husband). My husband – well, he’s 9 years older than me, did PLENTY of BnS balls in his younger days, and I know he didn’t restrict it to one pick up per ball with some of the stories I’ve heard. I’m under no illusions whatsoever there!?! I’ve never asked a number, I’m pretty sure its 50-100 and potentially more. Doesn’t worry me. That was WAAY before I knew him, and I know I am the last number on that list.
But, with numbers – like ex’s – I always wonder why people get so hung up about them when the experiences from both made the person what they are today, and isn’t that the person you like/love/are married to. Sure – I can roll my eyes and groan when I hear the tales of my husband in years gone by, but really – that was 20 years ago, so why should I worry about it now??
But unfortunately guys and girls are different. I’ve got a mate who we jokingly say put so many notches on his bedhead, he had to start going down the side rails’ when he jackaroo’d that it was legend. But as a bloke, he could get away with it
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I have two friends who are both in their early twenties and who have lied to their current partners about how many people they slept with for fear of judgment. Both have slept with somewhere between 20-30. But both have learnt from apparently alot of men really struggle with it if there partner is more experienced than them.I had no idea it was a problem until I kept seeing comments on blogs and the like saying, ‘my girl friend has slept with 20 people and I’ve only been with two, should I dump her?’ Seriously? The number of people you have sex with has nothing to do with who you are a person.
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34…i got married at 24 and have been faithful…..so yeaaah, ahhhhh awkward…but no std’s….so i guess thats a plus…man i had a lot of fun in my early 20′s…ahhh good times good sexy times
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I’ve lost count.
I have been sexually active for 30 years including being married and monogamous for 15 years. I was – and am – serially monogamous before and after my marriage.
My history runs the gamut of one-night stands (hello late 1970s) to long periods with no sex at all. It is a full and diverse sexual history. it doesn’t make me cheap or different from anyone else here. It’s just the bald reality of many many people of my age, regardless of gender or sexual preference.
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I know I added way too many when first separated, but it was a phase, so wouldn’t tell a new bf any numbers because of the double standard.
It’s in the high 20′s by the way, and I’m early 40′s. I hate that if they did the sums they would make assumptions. I hate that they would think the person I was in that phase was the real me, whereas it wasn’t and I can’t imagine being that stupid again, oh well I came out otherside.
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My number is somewhere between 15-20. I had a rather crazy period at 19y/o until I met my now-husband. I was his first and although the difference in numbers did bother me a little in the beginning, 6years of marriage and onto our 3rd child, neither of us cares
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My number is one. I am a man in my early 30s. I’ve been with my wife since we were 18; we married in our mid twenties. Most of the time I am proud of this fact but then I do have a feeling that I missed out on something and there is a sense of regret that I didn’t play the field a bit more. I love my wife like nothing else and would never do anything to hurt her but sometimes you just wish you could do it all again with the confidence and knowledge that only time provides.
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My best girlfriend married her high school boyfriend. She has only one partner. He however, had a girlfriend prior. So every now and then in a rough patch she know he knows what its like to be with someone else, but she doesn’t. Like you, she’d never do something to jeopardise what she has, but at the same time, wonders if she did it all again, if she had just one to compare to like he does …
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Worry not The Dude. I am up to around 10. The one thing I’ve learnt? Had one had em all. For the most part. If you enjoy sex with your wife…it is NO different with another woman. In fact, probably the only thing you’ve missed out on is some dud sexual experiences.
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I’m in your camp Dude, just a big fat one for me and my husband.
When I think about whether or not I regret playing the field, I think, the whole point of playing the field is to get to where I am at. So why bother!
I hope you tell your wife that you’re kinda wishing you could ‘play the field’/ ‘do it over’ so to speak, because not telling her might hurt her too.
I often wonder if my husband has, or will one day, have these same regrets as you do, and I hope that he could have the guts to tell me. I would be very upset if I found out he had been sitting there wishin and hopin and being unsatisfied when there was something could be done about it.
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The Dude,
DONT feel like you are missing out on anything. Besides a 3some, you can do all the crazy things you want to do with your wife. If you had been with others, it might have been a disappointment anyway.
I think its beautiful you have only been with one another.
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On NYE 2009, after a year of celibacy because I didn’t meet anyone I deemed worth sleeping with, I went to a fabulous party where I met a handsome stranger and slept with him without even knowing his name.
He turned out to be the love of my life. We have been together ever since, travelled the world together and now have a baby girl. Who says promiscuity doesn’t make for a happy ending?
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wow this remind me of jacob and hannah in the crazy stupid love scene
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Hi Erin, i am not sleeping with/dating anyone this year. Everyone seems to think im ‘weird’ for taking a year off from dating altogether, thank you for sharing your comment you’ve made me feel ‘not weird’.
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just the one….but that’s been going since I was 14 so I’d be worried if it was much higher!
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Three. And then my husband. So that makes four. And that seems quite a lot to me as (except for the first one which I wish I could take back) they have all been people I have had genuine loving feelings for. Which actually makes me feel very lucky to have loved in my life.
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Rick is on the money!
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Im not judgmental, but i like having a smaller number. up until i met my man, i used to love being able to truthfully say that i could ‘count on one hand how many men i have slept with’. Now i cant. but only just.
In saying that, i respect people who have higher numbers (my man has a reasonably higher number than mine), but for me, i find it hard to divorce sex from attachment, so i just let it happen very easy (in most cases).
I know the judgment thing is terrible, but i think when you compare numbers to age, there are some extremes that are worrying – a girl i went to school with had a number of 53 (according to her) at age 20. I dont openly discuss how i feel about anyones sex number, because it really doesnt mean anything at the end of the day, but sometimes it is interesting (read:i have nosey tendancies) to know.
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Ohh the Mr and I just recently had this convo. As in he told me his number. I haven’t told him mine.
Im 40-ish….and my number is the same….
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Him = 1 her= 1 and happily staying that way
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Her 1 & Him 1. EACH OTHER. Met 8 years ago & we are getting married in 2 weeks. Something we both feel is special (not for religious reasons. It just happened that way) & we know can share forever. We are both very happy with our sex life. No what if’s here…
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What if you don’t know your number? Not that it’s a huge amount…somewhere around 30…but there’s been the memory impairment that comes with children and alcohol (not together!) along the way so the precise number is a bit uncertain.
I’m sure it’s more acceptable to say 30ish than 1500ish
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A good mate of mine married a girl who was up to triple digits. She’s delightful, faithful, smart, pretty, funny… Just loves (protected, disease free) sex. And he loves her. Which makes it a non issue.
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I honestly love this story
there is someone for everyone, and in the end, clearly the number really doesnt matter.
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Five, but I’m hoping to make it to double figures, before I die.
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Hang on, make that six. I forgot one ! *snort*
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I know I’m more than 17 but under 20. I always thought that 20 was a good number before getting married so here’s hoping my current bf is my future husband!
I’ve never lied about my number, nor have I cared about others. Some friends have slept with 60+ people, some with only 2.
I haven’t asked my bf his numbers and he hasn’t asked me mine, it caused a lot of problems with an ex because he needed to know EVERYTHING I had done and then got offended by it. (Even though he’d slept with 10x more people than me, and done dirtier things with complete strangers.) Thank goodness he’s an ex!
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4….. and I’m 27. I think it’s a pretty low number, but it doesn’t mean anything. Never dicussed it with my boyfriend of almost 5 years. I’m guessing his about the same based on the number of past girlfriends he’s had, but I really don’t care what it is.
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