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relationship deal breakers Deal breakers: We cant be together if...…You’re mean to your mum.

Seriously though – if you’re rude or disrespectful towards the woman who gave birth to you, I’m sorry, but I don’t want to date you. I speak from previous experience, of course, and in my experience, boys who are horrible to their mothers tend to be generally horrible people. It’s my deal breaker.

Everyone’s got that one thing that will quickly send a relationship from hot to so-not-happening.

They can be silly and superficial – like one friend who said that the way a person pours and crunches their cereal is dependent on whether or not he can ever spend every morning in their company. Or another friend who reckons that she could never even look at someone with the same name as her dog. “Sorry,” she said, “but how could you take someone seriously when they answer to the same name as your pet?”

Naturally, they can also be more serious. “If they can’t make me laugh,” seems to be a common one. And any smokers out there? You don’t seem to be popular – more than one person I asked said that they wouldn’t ever consider someone who lit up more often than the odd night out.

Recently, #WeCantBeTogetherIf was trending on Twitter. Check out some of the deal breakers people came up with:

#WeCantBeTogetherIf

Funnily enough, deal breakers often come out of that beautiful thing called hindsight that comes hand-in-hand with any break-up. “I should never have gone out with a guy who was 29 and still living with his parents,” one colleague said. “His mum was still packing his lunch.” Of course, this realisation only happened once the relationship had gone pear-shaped.

Another friend who dated a guy that didn’t have a car. Or a licence. And wasn’t interested in obtaining either of these things. “Nothing kills the romance faster than getting all dolled up for a romantic date, only to have to climb in your own car and drive thirty minutes to go and pick up the guy,” she told me. “And then drop him back home again. I wish I hadn’t had put up with it for as long as I did.” Well. There’s nothing quite like the feeling of walking yourself to your front door after a nice dinner and movie, right?

Luckily my current boyfriend’s deal breakers don’t include “loving trashy pop music” or “telling terrible jokes and finding them hilarious” otherwise I’d be single faster than you can ask, “what do you call a deer with no eyes?” (No-eye-deer! … get it?)

What’s your deal breaker? What do you wish your deal breakers had been?

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371 Comments so far

  1. Siobhan

    Intolerant people – sexist men, racists, homophobes, etc. etc.

    Smokers – I have dated a couple of smokers in the past, and looking back now, I don’t know how I ever put up with it. I think it is the most selfish and disgusting habit imaginable, and there’s nothing less appealing than stale smoker’s breath…

    Alcoholics – I’ve been out with two. Never again.

    Thin-lipped men – I know it’s horribly judgemental and probably a huge generalisation, but every thin-lipped person I’ve ever met has been mean-spirited and tight with money!

    Anyone who’s not passionate about food and eating.

    Anyone untrustworthy.

    Anyone who’s rude to and dismissive of other people. I think you can tell so much about a person by the way they talk to waiters, baristas, shop assistants, taxi drivers etc.

    Anyone who’s tight with money.

    Anyone who doesn’t have an interest in the world around them, and a desire to learn.

    Anyone who’s politically conservative.

    Anyone who’s lazy, especially when it comes to doing their fair share around the house!

    Anyone who’s a big sports lover/watcher. I feel so lucky to have a partner who has no interest in sport. Most women swoon with envy when I tell them! :)

    Anyone who’s religious. I have plenty of religious friends, but I don’t think I would find it easy to go out with someone who had a fundamentally different belief system to me, particularly when children are added to the mix.

    I have personally never dated anyone who wasn’t in a creative profession. Not that I am put off by non-creative people (and I realise people can be creative in many different ways), but I’ve just never been attracted to a man who worked in anything other than a creative profession…

    Other than that, I’m really very easygoing! :) Oh, and my partner of twelve years is none of the above! :)

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  2. Mel M

    Bad teeth, bad manners and I once went out with a guy who picked at his beard then ate it. I wanted to puke. Needless to say that’s a big no no!

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    • archie

      Beard snacking? Oh god, I think I just threw up a little….

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    • Siobhan

      Ewww – that is truly gross!!

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      • simmy

        oh no! that is traumatising

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  3. Simone

    I once dumped a boy because he had Chris DeBurge (?) Lady in Red playing on his stereo. Actually ran away. Fast!
    Bad taste in music = no chance!

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  4. archie

    Deal breaker? If your name is David. I’ve met ones that make nice friends, but every single man in my life who’s been a twat has been called David, and it’s just not worth the risk.

    http://the-accidental-housewife.blogspot.com.au/

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    • Siobhan

      Ha ha – my partner is a David and the nicest person I know (or maybe he’s just very deceptive.. hmmm! :)

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    • Mish

      I think every guy I’ve ever met called Phil has a screw loose.

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    • The things you learn

      My husband (currently separated) is a David and his brother is a Phil. Interesting observations here…..

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    • Faybian

      Really? My daughter’s partner is a lovely guy named Dave. I’d be happy to call him my son in law one day.

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    • Anonymous

      Mine are named Paul, the last 3 guys named Paul have been jerks.

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  5. Anonymous

    brad pitt is my deal breaker…

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  6. Andrea

    God, all of these deal breakers are making me realise just how patient (or maybe lenient?) i am with my husband & vice-versa! Haha

    Deal breakers with me would be: abusing an animal or child, alcoholism, drugs, aggressive behaviour, gambling & bad with money … oh & BO. Thankfully my husband exhibits none of these!!!

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  7. Nicky Champ

    If you think Two and a Half Men is a good show

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    • Anonymous

      SO agree with this one. Immediate turn off and know there is NO way we will get on.

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      • Shane

        Or any chick who raves about Sex and the City

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  8. Peta

    If you don’t like my dog or he doesn’t like you than neither do I :)

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    • Andrea

      I find that my dog is a very good judge of character. I should have known better after my dog did a massive poo under my ex-boss’ desk within the first minute she came into the office. That boss turned out to be a massive turd herself!!!

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      • Reddie

        Any one that brings an animal into the office.

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  9. Gen

    True religion jeans, blonde tips, and snake skin shoes

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    • Anonymous

      serious? no way – those are all awesome! :)

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  10. Anonymous

    Deal breakers:
    1. Selfishness
    2. Aggression
    3. Infidelity
    4. Poor family relationships (without massive justification, because sometimes a family can be poisonous)
    5. Rudeness
    Everything else I can handle.

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  11. trixiemelodian

    Mispronounces words – sorry, it just makes you look… not very bright. Oh and that’s another one – he has to be roughly on the same level as me intelligence-wise. I just can’t respect someone who is a bit thick (and I’m a bit intimidated by someone waaaay smarter).

    CANNOT be indifferent about food. Nothing worse than someone who only eats to live and doesn’t even appreciate my sacrifice when I insist upon swapping meals halfway through so we both get to taste two different dishes!

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    • Anonymous

      im the same with wanting to try other ppl’s meals if im dining with them! :P

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  12. Eliza

    Haich instead of aitch. Drives me nuts. Plus weak chins (I know that’s probably mean though!).

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    • Eliza

      Oh, and guys with that little tuft of hair under their lip. Mick Malthouse style. Totally re-vol-ting!!

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  13. jedielf

    My deal-breakers: Poor grammar (okay when you’re texting, though), neat-freak (sorry, but we are just not going to get along), conservative, doesn’t play video games (VERY IMPORTANT: I spend about two hours a day playing World of Warcraft), not into alternative music/doesn’t play an instrument (what would we talk about?), doesn’t drink, religious, not creative.

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    • Grammar

      Must send grammatically correct and spelt text messages.

      Not even 2 instead of to.

      I’m in my mid thirties, probably showing my age with this one. NONE of my friends shorten anything in texts!!

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      • Anonymous

        I’m in my early 20s and feel the same way. Unfortunately my boyfriend of 4 years is dyslexic!

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      • Anonymous

        I thought that was the whole purpose of a text message – a short concise message. It actually bugs me when people type out these ridiculously LOOOOONG text messages when they could have just shortened the whole thing into a couple of letters to communicate the same thing.

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      • A

        I thought that was the whole purpose of a text message – a short concise message. It actually bugs me when people type out these ridiculously LOOOOONG text messages when they could have just shortened the whole thing into a couple of letters to communicate the same thing.

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    • Anonymous

      wow yr deal breaker is someone who DOESN”T play video games??? :O

      most ppl i know would say the opposite!!!!

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  14. Anon today

    1) Smoking
    2)Drug use
    3)Drinking
    4)Christian or religious in general…been there done that it’s painful.
    5)Too skinny, sorry girls but I can’t stand supermodel thin I’m so afraid I’ll crush you to death (I’m a big bloke).
    6)Hates parents for petty reasons.
    7)Opposite of 6 won’t let family go and live own life.
    8)Lacks intelligence and thinks the news as well as TT and ACA are good journalism. I know it sounds snobbish, but anyone that is able to think for themselves should realise that they are jokes of a show.
    9)Obsessive over body image. I fall in love for who you are not the package you come in.
    10)Virtually celibate. I have a high sex drive and would like to make love at least a couple of times a week, not every 6 weeks as it seems to be now.

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    • trixiemelodian

      Oooh, I’l add #8 to mine too!

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    • sara

      Totally agree with all of your points especially no 8! People who refer to TT and ACA as news really make me question their intellect.

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    • OssieLeo

      If you’r single and in BrisVegas please call me ;0)

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  15. melanie

    I used to tell him every election, if he ever voted for John Howard it was over. Now, voting Tony Abbott is the deal breaker.

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    • ML

      Exact opposite!

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    • ElleJay

      Totally agree Melanie! The sense of relief when I cyber-stalked an ex (I ended it..) and noticed his FB profile photo was a pic of him with his arm around John Howard.. So wrong!

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  16. Cassy - Big Fish Planning

    I once stopped seeing a guy after he took me to the movies wearing white linen pants, white linen vest and a long sleeve white t-shirt!

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    • melanie

      I’m with you on that! I had a guy pick me up for a date once – seeing the Hoodoo Gurus – in neatly pressed slacks, & I made him go home & change. It was the 90′s, I was a punk/grunge girl, I could not go out in public with him. I’m awful….

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    • simmy

      i’d run very fast screaming actually… how scary was that?

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  17. missmelbourne

    If you leave your wet towels on the bedroom floor, or bed or ANYWHERE OTHER THAN THE TOWEL RACK!!!!! :)

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    • Daniella

      Oh my god my boyfriend does this EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

      AND IT DRIVES ME BONKERS!!!!!!!! He also goes through SO MANY TOWELS!!! I mean, do you REALLY need a new towels every 2 days!?

      Sorry about all the caps, it just really bugs me.

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      • clarinette

        You do when you let your wet towels become a mould garden under your bed :p

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  18. Anon22

    I wish I had someone to break a deal :(

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    • Motherofa3yrold

      me too

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    • A

      I’m surprised you aren’t turned off relationships altogether after reading all of these!

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  19. Leelu

    If you chew with your mouth open, I am sorry, but I can’t do you.

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  20. Anon

    Sexist, bad temper, aggressive, lazy, selfish, hits women – My mums ex boyfriend.

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    • Faybian

      These are the most sensible turn offs yet. A lot of other stuff can be changed or ignored.
      I have habits that annoy hubby (G), just the same as he has habits that annoy me, we’ve each learned to laugh at/ignore them.

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  21. Desiree

    1. Unemployed (had way too many of those.)
    2. No drivers licence.
    3. No car
    4. Still living at home at 25+
    5. Big drinker/gambler
    6. Has a bad relationship with his family
    7. Resents me when he buys me stuff

    Yes, all these deal breakers come from.past experience.

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  22. casey

    If he has a bad temper. I don’t care if it’s directed at me, the television, someone else. No thanks. My other definite dealbreaker: no name-calling when arguing. Or name-calling, ever.

    No sulking when you don’t get your own way. Acting like a little boy is not a turn on.

    Being controlled is a big dealbreaker for me. I like it when my boyfriend is independent – still considerate, but not clinging or cloying – and I hope that my boyfriend would like that I’m the same way.

    Not really a dealbreaker, but this annoys me anyway: constantly asking for my praise for completing the simplest of tasks, especially around the house. I hate the attitude that the household tasks are by default my responsibility, and that he deserves high praise if he cleans up the mess he made in the kitchen. My ex-boyfriend had a habit of texting me every morning when he arrived at work via train safely, but I could never see the point of this. He also texted me every time he remembered to buy milk for the house, even on the weekend. Drives me nuts.

    Trivial? When people say things like “anythink”, “me thinks”, “youse” etc. It’s snobbish, I know this, but speaking this way makes me cringe and shudder

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    • thatgirlfiona

      Oooh, ooh, that one! The sulking! That actually definitely is one. Embarrassing, much.

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    • Janina

      “anything”, “me thinks” and “youse” sends me running for the hills.

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      • missmelbourne

        ugghhh bad english!!!

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        • simmy

          english is not even my first language and i can’t stand that either…”me mum” love youse” … horrendous habit… where does it come from btw?

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    • Anonymous

      While I also find the whole “Yay, Babe look at me I can wash up like a big boy” a freaking pain in the arse, especially because hey – I do 2 degrees and work full time, congratulations you can do something. It’s not like its 50 years ago where that’s all I had to do all day. BUT I have to disagree with the whole, I got to work thing safe thing. I think that’s just genuinely being thoughtful and letting you know he is okay. But Milk thing – urgh.

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    • Anonymous

      Love your list of dealbreakers, I agree with them all!

      Name calling is also a huge deal breaker for me.

      Yes I think so many men are like that: expecting a trophy for doing the simplest of tasks. Jesus! Grow up already!

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  23. Tripitaka

    Sometimes I want to take my brother in law by the shoulders and shake him roughly while saying to him “Dude. If you want to find a girlfriend, you really need to stop wearing scrunchies out in public. They don’t make people think that you are so cool that you don’t even care what you look like. You just look silly.”

    But I figure it’s not my place.

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  24. the Original Camille

    if you need to be asked to clean up.

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  25. La Bella Figura

    Holy shit! I had a whole list of dealbreakers which went out the window with my husband.

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  26. Lily

    When I was 17, I dated a guy who refused to carry cash. Watching him write a cheque to pay for a Maccas meal? Dealbreaker.

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    • Simone

      Hilarious!

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    • K8e.

      maccas Accepted cheques????????

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  27. Lily

    Oh how I wish I had this information earlier. My last boyfriend wad so rude to his Mum it frightened me & I told him so. He stopped being as rude to his Mum, although when I found his profile on a sex site it made me understand disrespecting women is hard wired. Good luck to whoever follows me….

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  28. Phillybaby

    I would suggest that there is an exception to the bad grammar/spelling rule that many keep listing as one of their deal-breakers: Jamie Oliver. Think “got me knives, got me onions.”

    I still love him. Actually I think it makes me like him even more… anyone else however….

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  29. Xanthe

    What you’re all saying is that the boxes you want ticked – ie polite to wait staff, loves animals, non-smoker/drinker/gambler etc. – are just that. A wish list. And they do give you a pretty good insight into the base personality.
    A deal-breaker is what finally tips you over the edge and you declare the relationship OFF!

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  30. Claire - Matching Pegs

    I can’t even cope with being around you if you are a bigot.

    How to spot a bigot – they start conversations with “I’m not a racist, but…” OR “I’m not sexist, but…”

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    • Summer

      God yes! I found my gorgeous, gorgeous man on RSVP – but prior to dating him, I was chatting with a few potential dates, and one, in his first email said that he’d lived in Japan for 10 years, and put in brackets – (the land of the squinty eyed dwarves).

      Needless to say, the delete button couldn’t come fast enough…

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      • archie

        It’s good when they weed themselves out early ;)

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    • Siobhan

      Yes, yes and a thousand times YES!

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  31. Corey

    We can’t be together if…

    … you’re rude to your wait staff.

    I think you can tell a lot about someone by how they treat those they consider to be beneath them.

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  32. Chantelle

    Deal breaker:-
    guys that think that playing Call of Duty makes them war heroes or even play those games in general.

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    • LaurenHC

      You’ll love this. Last year I was dating a guy who (in addition to his many other flaws) was OBSESSED with COD. This was a summary of the last few days of our relationship:

      Wednesday: Invited me over for lunch. I got to his house, waited for AGES (well, like 3 minutes) at the front door and when he FINALLY opened it I got to check out his delightful appearance: five-day old stubble with BITS OF FOOD IN IT, no shirt (with belly hanging over it) hair that hadn’t been washed in days and just a general musty odour. He obviously hadn’t brushed his teeth either. We ate together (he was considerate enough to end the game) then he asked me afterwards ‘do you want to go upstairs and study or something? I just want to get back to COD for a while.’

      We decided to take a break a few days later and I proceeded to have the best week of my life; I called him to see what he thought and we talked for a little bit, I was mellowing out a little bit, when I noticed clicking noises. I asked him “what are those clicking noises?” and he said “oh I’m playing COD”

      THE GUY WAS PLAYING COD WHILE WE WERE BREAKING UP.

      It makes a good story now, I suppose. We all date complete losers.

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      • Shane

        he did didn’t he?

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  33. Mum of Three

    My deal breaker is if you can’t manage your money. Don’t care how much there is but you need to know your limits and not live on credit or expect your other half to manage it for you. My ex husband actually asked me to continue to get his bills sent to me and he would give me the $ after we had split. Yeasr later he left some bills in our daughters bag and he has exactly the same amount of debt as when we split. This was a man who thought if you had a $2000 credit card at its limit and paid $200 of it you had $200 to spend!

    My amazing and gorgeous husband now is the complete opposite and thinks it is a joint responsibility to manage our finances for our benefit long term. Not the only reason I married him but marrying a grown up was definately an advantage second time around…

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    • Amazed

      OMG you could be me!!

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    • girlygirl4

      I dated a guy who received a $1000 bonus from work and increased his credit limit by $1000.. He wanted to buy a TV because he now had ‘an extra $2000!’… Uhh no, half of that is the banks money NOT yours! So frustrating!!

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    • Clare

      If you can’t tell the difference between your and you’re. Deal breaker

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  34. Son

    Bad hair, bad teeth, nail biting, being racist or xenophobic, not a food lover (meat & three veg = boring) are all deal breakers. As is the pre-requisites of loving travel & being able to go shopping with me, even if not your cup of tea, being patient and pleasant means alot. Also taking turns in movies. You get an action/I get a foreign film.

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  35. Tracey

    1. excessive alcohol use, or any illicit drug use.
    2. cruelty or indifference to animals, indicates a psychopath in my opinion.
    3. bad hygiene.
    4. bad manners. costs nothing people.
    5. drives a ridiculous car.

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    • MisMin

      YES – I hear you on all 5 of those. you can tell so much about a person through those things!! :D

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    • Anon today

      I’d like to know what you define as a ridiculous car.

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  36. Jimmy's Girl

    I once broke up with a fella who used his half-blind father’s disabled parking card to park willy-nilly wherever he wanted to in the city. He thought this was impressive and made him look super smooth and cool. I begged to differ.

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    • Jane

      Haha I probably would’ve been impressed by this. Access to disabled parking spaces is totally swaggg

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      • Nicola M

        Lol agreed Jane !!

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  37. Xanthe

    I think deal-breakers often turn out to be something so trivial you wouldn’t even think of.
    One of mine was when he threw half of my sandwich (I was eating the other half) to the seagulls – thought it was hilarious and cacked himselff laughing.
    Yeah, there were other things leading up to this, but this was The End.

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    • Mish

      Mine took a huge handful of my daughter’s bowl of grapes when she wasn’t looking, and scoffed them down. She only had 2 left and she started crying because we didn’t have any more. And he thought it was FUNNY.

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  38. AJ

    I only have two deal breakers

    - he can’t have any kids
    - he can’t have a gambling or alcohol problem

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  39. LaLaLauren

    Mine used to be that I couldn’t be with someone with a hairy chest. Oh how young and silly I was. My man got the hairiest chest and I love it!

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    • iamevilcupcake

      Mmmmmm hairy chest . . . .

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    • Mum of 3

      First husband, hairless chest. Husband now, very hairy chest. No more to be said!

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    • Summer

      My man has the sexiest hairy chest, absolutely heaven! First time I’ve had a partner with a hairy chest and I LOVE IT!

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      • MissCC

        Nothing beats running my fingers through my man’s chest hair, I know I’ve got a man’s man… Rrrrrr :)

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    • Perth Girl

      Hilarious!

      Yes, I am also a convert and a hairy chest fan. I want a man, not a boy! :)

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      • LaurenHC

        Chest hair isn’t a sign of manliness. My boyfriend is very fair with white-blonde hair and he hardly has any chest hair. He has a six pack ;)

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  40. zelicat

    We can’t be together if

    You name call when you argue
    you are rude to service staff ( or anybody who can’t speak back rudely to you)
    if you talk through movies
    if you can’t tolerate cats (horribly allergic is acceptable, as long as you don’t dislike them)
    if you use “me” when refering to yourself in the possesive sense “me mate” “me car” etc
    if you use the word “pacifc” when you mean specific.

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    • Martha

      that sounds like it’s directed to a very ‘pacific’ person.

      Me mate thinks you’re a bit of all right thought if you’d just get rid of the cat.

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      • Summer

        Thanks Martha – love this, am laughing my head off!

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        • Jelena

          I agree! I can’t stand when people say ‘aksed’ as in ‘I akswd him to get me a beer’, it’s asked! Speak properly!

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  41. ash

    Someone who can’t tell me they love me. My last two relationships were over a year long each, and neither guy could say the L word. Is that so bad to just want to be loved by someone you’ve been in a serious relationship with for that long? I remember reading once that you know whether you love someone within the first six months at the most – so I think things just fell apart from there.

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    • Jen

      Oh that’s sad :( I fall in love in 5 minutes!!

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  42. Alicia

    Not reading books. That is just so foreign and confounding to me. How else can you live life without having read Harry Potter or a good political biography or Tolstoy. HOW?

    Also rap music (I put up with a boyfriend who loved rap music for 18 months, never again) and not following the news (I am a journo, so that would just never work).

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    • Alicia

      I also have severe asthma so I couldn’t date a smoker. Total deal breaker.

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    • kateb

      sorry i have found all these “don’t wants” so amusing, i too would never go with someone who didn’t read. my husband of nearly 40 years, pretended for nearly a year to not lose me when we first met.

      so now it doesn’t seem such an important point. being rude to people is a deal breaker though

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      • Motherofa3yrold

        Yeah I thought reading books was important, but now I realise I used to equate that with intellect… SOOO not true

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      • Emma Salkild

        Hehe … My husband also pretended to be a reader. Too funny. Turns out I could marry a non-reader.

        Agree with rudeness point. Such a turn off.

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  43. Sarah

    I used to have all these standards; he CANNOT be younger than me, he can NEVER be a smoker, even an occasional one. And then I fell in love with someone who was all of these. We broke up, and he turned out to be a bastard, but point is, standards fly out the window when love comes in.

    After that relationship, my standard was that he HAS TO have a degree. My current boyfriend didn’t go to university, he doesn’t even read (unless Men’s Health counts), but he is the most wonderful boyfriend imaginable.

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  44. Singleinoz

    Mine is if they don’t know how to use a knife and fork properly or basic table manners and or bogan speak (Penriff anyone??)

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  45. thatgirlfiona

    To be honest, I don’t think I have any real ‘Deal-breakers’. I’ll take a guy for who they are, and if they make me laugh. And if there are things that irritate or frustrate me, then I’ll just have to deal with it.

    Although, one of my ex-boyfriends used to eat really fast, and then get annoyed at me for eating slowly. It used to irritate me so much! How about you just enjoy your food… and chew… And not be mad at me for savouring a meal! Gosh! (This really is silly but was a major gripe of mine, haha)

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  46. Jess

    I am vehemently anti-smoking so definitely could not date a smoker.

    Other deal-breakers:

    Ignorant men
    Mama’s boys.
    Men who aren’t affectionate.
    Men who lie. Have had too many boyfriends who told tons of white lies and even if it is just about stupid stuff, it erodes trust. I am very easygoing so why lie?
    Men who treat mothers or waiters badly.

    Luckily, my boyfriend of two and a half years is perfect :)

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  47. Alex

    Never mind the disrespectful to the mother, someone who is routinely being disrespectful to anyone is worth avoiding.

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    • jamma

      Agree absolutely. Someone who is by nature disrespectful is not a keeper! Respect goes hand in hand with good manners and empathy. Also personal hygiene, oh so important! Enjoyed the article.

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  48. Trog

    Doesn’t fart and burp occassionally.
    Routinely takes over half an hour to get ready for a normal night out.
    Makes me watch reality TV with them.
    Swaps tongue with their pet.

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    • jess88

      So someone who *doesnt* burp and fart is someone you don’t want to date? I’ve been with my partner for four years and I’ve never farted infront of him, not cos I care what he’d think specifically but cos I’m too shy to fart infront of anyone! I do love fart jokes though…

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      • Trog

        The fart jokes would probably get you over the line. To expand on that thought – I like women who are authentic and unafraid to be human in front of their partner.

        Your partner would probably just laugh at a fart from you. Not while you’re both eating though….or spooning.

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        • jess88

          I like to think that I’m still authentic and unafraid to be human, I just feel that farting infront of others isnt part of who I am.
          I lose my shit laughing when my anyone farts infront of me though, its hilarious.
          NB: whilst fart jokes are funny, I’d like to remind everyone that ‘dutch ovens’ and ‘cupcakes’, are not.

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          • Melanie

            What’s a cupcake in this context?

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          • Mmm

            What’s ‘cupcake’?

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            • jess88

              A ‘cupcake’ is when someone -usually a brother- farts into their cupped hand and then thrusts their hand into your face, once they expose their palm the smell envelopes your face.

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          • Mish

            What’s a cupcake?

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            • Mish

              Whoops someone beat me to it. That’s disgusting!!

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          • Trog

            Fair enough.

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          • Anonymous

            a cupcake. now that is something I didn’t need to know.

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  49. becsparrow

    I once broke up with a guy because we went to a bar and he ordered himself a Peach Bacardi Breezer. Dude, seriously …

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    • Rick Morton

      I was hurt for a while, but then got over it.

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      • becsparrow

        Oh Rick. I didn’t break up with you because of the Peach Bacardi Breezer. I broke up with you because you KEPT TRYING TO MAKE ME READ THE HITCHHIKER’S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY!

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        • Rick Morton

          Touche, ma’am!

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        • Anonymous

          Oh bec no. I used to love but now you’ve broken the deal. How could you not read one of the best books in the universe.

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          • becsparrow

            Oh alright. It’s on our bookshelf. I’ll go read it … (grumble grumble). It better live up to the hype!

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  50. G

    If he play’s guitar.

    They will always love it more than you.

    Recently saw a photo of Ryan Gosling playing guitar and it made me love him less.

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