Seriously though – if you’re rude or disrespectful towards the woman who gave birth to you, I’m sorry, but I don’t want to date you. I speak from previous experience, of course, and in my experience, boys who are horrible to their mothers tend to be generally horrible people. It’s my deal breaker.
Everyone’s got that one thing that will quickly send a relationship from hot to so-not-happening.
They can be silly and superficial – like one friend who said that the way a person pours and crunches their cereal is dependent on whether or not he can ever spend every morning in their company. Or another friend who reckons that she could never even look at someone with the same name as her dog. “Sorry,” she said, “but how could you take someone seriously when they answer to the same name as your pet?”
Naturally, they can also be more serious. “If they can’t make me laugh,” seems to be a common one. And any smokers out there? You don’t seem to be popular – more than one person I asked said that they wouldn’t ever consider someone who lit up more often than the odd night out.
Recently, #WeCantBeTogetherIf was trending on Twitter. Check out some of the deal breakers people came up with:

#WeCantBeTogetherIf
Funnily enough, deal breakers often come out of that beautiful thing called hindsight that comes hand-in-hand with any break-up. “I should never have gone out with a guy who was 29 and still living with his parents,” one colleague said. “His mum was still packing his lunch.” Of course, this realisation only happened once the relationship had gone pear-shaped.
Another friend who dated a guy that didn’t have a car. Or a licence. And wasn’t interested in obtaining either of these things. “Nothing kills the romance faster than getting all dolled up for a romantic date, only to have to climb in your own car and drive thirty minutes to go and pick up the guy,” she told me. “And then drop him back home again. I wish I hadn’t had put up with it for as long as I did.” Well. There’s nothing quite like the feeling of walking yourself to your front door after a nice dinner and movie, right?
Luckily my current boyfriend’s deal breakers don’t include “loving trashy pop music” or “telling terrible jokes and finding them hilarious” otherwise I’d be single faster than you can ask, “what do you call a deer with no eyes?” (No-eye-deer! … get it?)
What’s your deal breaker? What do you wish your deal breakers had been?







Comments
371 Comments so far
Cat owners! I don’t mind the odd long blond hair on my jacket but nothing disgusts me more than having to go home a pick cat hairs out of my cashmere jumper
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If u rite lyke dis
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if you don’t watch Rage on a Saturday morning then I am not interested.
What? If I don’t get my weekly dose of Peter Gabriel’s Sledgehammer I get cranky.
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Loving cats way too much
Dirty ears.
Leave dirty clothes at my house expecting me to clean them
not wanting kids
pressuring me for sex
not making an effort with my friends
has arguments with mother in front of me
into guns
homophobe
racism
boganism
on welfare
isnt clean and hygenic
choose video games over me
not conscientious
tells all people we meet the same story over and over
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Racist – even a little bit
Homophobic
Picky eater
Anything else annoying is forgivable but not these ones.
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NO SMOKING- wont even be friends with people who smoke when theyre not drinking. can deal with it if im drunk but dont want to smell it over breakfast!
have since added these courtesy of my ex:
expects me to do all the housework
forgets wallet (on first and second date..yep.)
irresponsible with money- in debt but buys lunch every day and drinks every night
fat- sorry, i find it absolutely disgusting to have sex with someone and be able to grab their rolls *shudder*, maybe i could deal with it if i was fat or if they became larger after we got married or something but definitely not in the dating stage, sorry
i had a serious relationship with a guy shorter than me, had no problems i just rarely wore heels
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Im vegetarian, but if they order their steak any more cooked than medium rare it’s a huge deal breaker.
It’s just not manly.
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Don’t EVER tell me to “calm down”.
I have quite severe anxiety, and I was told that by every boy I dated for years. Repeatedly. Then I met my best friend – he offered to talk about it, give me a hug, listen, help me get out of bed in the morning. Now I know that people like that exist – I’ll never accept anything less.
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Once upon a time (my partner and I have been together for nearly 20 years, two children, etc) I would have said, my life partner needs to be a reader. I have a library of books, I read every day and reading is one of the central pivots of my life.
My partner hasn’t read a book since high school, except those necessary to do his engineering degree, master’s degree, and keep up with professional learning (journals, etc).
Does it matter?? No, actually, it turns out it doesn’t.
I would also have said: an alcoholic or drug user, someone who couldn’t control their temper (verbally or physically), someone who couldn’t be trusted with money, someone who didn’t want children, someone who was indifferent or cruel to animals.
To those I still say: These are my deal breakers. And they luckily do not have to be in this relationship xxx
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There’s no one man that could live up to all of these, but I guess that’s the point. Everyone’s different.
For me with girls, the biggest dealbreaker is an overinflated sense of entitlement. There’s no way I can stay with a girl like that and keep my self-respect.
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so u mean a diva? someone who is a golddigger or something like that?
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Pretty much. Guys call them ‘Princesses’.
Let me put it like this. Deep down I want to do nice things for a girl (such as buying dinner once I get to know her), but only if she doesn’t expect it. If its expected, then its no longer a nice thing. Its just a hoop I have to jump through to be ‘good enough’.
So from my perspective its the difference between making her happy or fulfilling a tick in a box on her checklist. Guess which one would make me happier about me, her and our relationship?
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Guys who are really tight with money. I’m no gold digger or anything, quite the opposite, but I have always believed “generous with money, generous with spirit” and it has always been the case.
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This is only a personal preferrence, but for me it’s a deal breaker if you’re less than 6 ft tall. I like crazy-circus-freakishly-huge men, so I’m tiny in comparison. Nothing turns me on more!
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I hope you never have a go at guys wanting girls with smaller than D cup breasts.
For the record I’m a 6ft guy.
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Someone who lies about the important stuff.
I am trying to get out of a marriage with someone that as done this to me about very important topics.
I could go on but I am so weary.
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Someone who doesn’t want to know anything about me (seems obvious but it wasn’t , because he did make me talk about myself a lot, just didn’t seem to be able to retain the info)
Similarly : someone I don’t know ANYTHING about after a few months and who asks a lot of questions . Again , seems obvious but wasn’t at the time.
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Don’t like to cuddle.
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- disrespectful of their/my family
- not willing to get to know my friends (realised this recently after a guy i was seeing wouldn’t even say hello to my best friend whilst in the same room as her!)
- bad personal hygiene, especially teeth brushing and hair washing
- doesn’t understand why I’m so close with my sister (she’s my SISTER, duh! not that hard to get!)
- not willing to let me be friends with THEIR family members
- doesn’t like chocolate
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I wouldn’t look twice at someone who didn’t like animals. My aunty also advised me that I shouldnt marry anyone who didn’t play an instrument. I’m not as fussy about the second one, but I can definitely see how it has its benefits. My boyfie is great cellist
Oh, and I don’t even want to be friends with anyone who is a homophobe!!
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fantastic to actually have standards I think – good on you!!
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Racism.
Being mean to people like waiters and checkout ladies.
Using poor grammar and ignorant English – for some reason this is a massive turn off for me. Examples : “One fowl swoop” or “I could of done..”
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Or ‘casing point:’ or ‘straightened arrow’!
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Let’s not forget aks.
Example: I want to aks you a question.
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or ‘mute point’
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Or spelling phlegm “flem”!!
Or what about spelling you’re “your” and lose “loose”.
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Mean, arrogant, narrow-minded, unstable, jobless, bully and/or humourless.
Believe me, I know lots about it… turned 56 today.
Marriage?… sad and bad at times.
Laid low for a couple of years, then dated a variety of species.
Suprisingly, mid 40s, new relationship with slightly younger lovable man.
Yah! He’s taking me to a birthday lunch at a very special place.
Lucky duck me.
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Lucky duck for sure!
There is hope out there then? lol.
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* Anyone who listens to talkback radio (from the hate his politics thread)
* Anyone who reads the Daily Terror or any other tabloid
* Anyone who lives in a dirty/messy place
* Anyone who is rude or prejudiced
* Anyone with bad spelling, grammar or who mangles common phrases (its “for all intents and purposes”, not “for all intensive purposes”)
* Bad lovers (sorry, its important!)
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You mean *it’s
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Touché!
… fancy a date?
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I love when the poor grammar police come out and someone with “tops” grammar picks up their errors. Woo hoo. Happy day for me.
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I’ve just separated with my husband of 11.5yrs. Turns out my deal breaker was that he could look me in the eyes and lie to me. About trivial stuff. Sure, there was lots of stuff before that, like the rejection, ignoring me, no sex-life because he was hiding his porn addiction from me. But all that I was dealing with. The night he looked me in the eyes and lied to me repeatedly. Deal. Broken.
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Understand completely. I’m sorry you had to go through this.
I’m at almost 9.5 years of marriage and have told my husband recently that I wish to separate. It’s hard but I’m hoping that I’ll finally be able to breathe easily again afterwards. I’ve had enough of the lies and excuses. I don’t think any amount of (his) love can stop me from going ahead with this.
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PK I hear you. It’s so hard when all they do is tell you how sorry they are and love you, and just expect you to get over it and move forward. Frustrating. If you want to get in contact for a chat, amy. keep @ yahoo. com with no spaces (hope that’s okay mm team??)
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Anyone watch Agony Uncles last night on the ABC?
Their deal breakers were:
1. Women who had a bad relationship with their father.
2. Women who kissed their fathers on the lips (one degree off separation).
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That show had me laughing hysterically, sometimes with horror and sometimes with genuine amusement. One of their other key deal breakers was women over the age of 35 who have never married. Career women are clearly a no go for them – horrendous!!
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Dealbreakers (mainly based on the behaviours of my exes):
Use of the phrase “Don’t expect too much”.
Cancelling at the last minute for no good reason.
No sense of humour.
Using foul language, except in special circumstances.
Unreliability.
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I’ve remembered another one. Trivial, definitely, but absolutely a deal breaker.
No sniffing. The sound makes me want to retch. Learn to blow your nose!
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A man unable to handle his finances. It’s a basic life skill. Act responsibly.
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Men who fart in my presence (take it outside or away from me your dirty pig), men who comment on how women look when they are indeed unattractive themselves, men who think women should represent the porno industry (just grow up) and men who think women should be privildged to have them lol. I could go on and on but that will do…The little stuff doesn’t bother me so much.
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yes yes and yes!
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…you don’t like cats
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Liberal voters.
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Because Labour and Green voters are so much more morally superior aren’t they?
I”m so glad your able to show your bigotry in such a public way.
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Shane, you’ve made a lot of assumptions, that are all incorrect. I don’t think any Australian political party is morally superior to any other. Also, I don’t think I’m morally superior to anyone else either.
P.S. *you’re
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Claire,
yes, I’m aware of the you’re and your thing, unfortunately I spilled coke on my keyboard so I have some very sticky keys. So the your that should have been you’re was the result of a sticky keys, not because I’m an illiterate fool
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If you are consistently negative.
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the ‘ego drone’ is a deal breaker for me… when they talk constantly about themselves and never ask anything about you or remember anything you say because they were too busy talking about themselves and not listening!
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I have been married to one of them for Thirty something years! Believe me they don’t change.
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Top of the list is if you are too judgemental…..
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When stopped at a petrol station and the guy does not offer to put petrol in the car, and leaving the toilet seat up.
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Before you bag men for leaving the seat up, try this for a week.
Putting the lid down.
I bet you forget 99% of the time.
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Thank you.
I’ve always found it amusing when people argue about whether the toilet seat should be left up or down. The toilet has a lid. If it has a lid, then it should be left with the lid on, or down in this instance. Easy.
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Shane, do you put the lid down?
And I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect ‘seat down’ as the default position. After all, more than 50% of toilet usage requires sitting down.
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Yep, I do put the lid down. It’s just neater.
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I think if everyone puts the lid down as the default, there is no issue. I’ve never really understood the problem here anyway, if women put the seat down, men have to lift it up again. If men leave it up, women have to put the seat down. Seems equally annoying to me.
Just close the lid! It’s more hygienic anyway.
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“if women put the seat down, men have to lift it up again”
Always? Think about it …
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i can not stand even the lid up let alone the seat…
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I always put the lid down…. only because my cat fell in once and he turned out blue from the blue duck thing in there.. was funny, but now a habit!
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Not always, I’m not stupid. Just saying, either way, it’s going to annoy someone at one point or another so I don’t see why the woman necessarily has to win by default. I’m a woman, by the way.
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This is why: http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=2149
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And they still miss!
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If I go to an all male household I’ll put the seat back up after I use it.
It doesn’t really worry me if a guy leaves my seat up – I just do the above to be surprisingly thoughtful!
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I agree Shane.
Not putting the lid down – before you flush! It’s a hygiene issue. Flushing is an aerosol for fecal contaminants.
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I put the lid down 110% of the time. Easy.
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I always put the lid down. I watched an Oprah (yes I did) where they talked about health hazards in the home. Leaving the lid up when you flush was discussed. When you flush the water and it’s contents become aerisolized (word?) and you can be breathing in e coli, or brushing your teeth with it etc. it’s been 100% lid down since.
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Law of Feng Shui – You should always close the lid because if you don’t you are flushing your money down the toilet. lol
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If you can’t accept me the way that I am, that is a deal breaker.
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But that doesn’t mean I have to accept you the way you are.
Odd
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Not a long list but:
Pronounces ‘with’ as ‘wiff’;
Pronounces ‘bother’ as ‘bover’
Pronounces ‘though’ as ‘fought’
Does not want to learn new stuff (i don’t care what);
Poor oral hygiene (see a dentist for god’s sake);
Is purposefully mean to anyone – especially service staff;
Is a smoker;
Is overly religious (tried that one before…. bad juju);
Does not have a sense of humour and takes themselves too seriously and can’t admit making a mistake.
Thankfully my GF possess none of those traits..
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Talking of not pronouncing things correctly, guys who say “arksed” rather than “asked”.
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or torlet instead of toilet
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Or not pronouncing the “h” as in yuman.
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Or saturday as satday
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OMG i can’t even stand that of my friends!
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What she said.
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I think you mean ‘purposely’
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Or thinking the word is:
renumeration
instead of:
remuneration.
This one really grates on me and it’s surprising the number of people who should know better but don’t. If a date/partner made this mistake it would instantly kill all passion.
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OMG yes! Can’t stand it when I hear people pronounce words incorrectly, especially in baby language!?!!!!
Like, what is with everyone saying “purdy” instead of “pretty”? Lame.
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Small penis!
I’m sure I’m not alone here.
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Or an oversized vagina.
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hahahahaha….my first laugh of the morning…thanks
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hahahahahahaha
you’re a smug bastard aren’t you Shane!
bet yours is the size of my little finger
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Got fat fingers have you?
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My computer is now wearing my coffee! Hahaha Shane!
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It’s alright Shane. I bet you also say things like “It’s not the size, it’s what you do with it that matters”. I think you may have umm exposed yourself here lol
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Yeah I probably did, but no more than a woman who complains of blokes with little weeners.
COnsider this though, a vagina can stretch to allow a baby’s head through.
Done your pelvic floor exersizes lately?
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Haha Shane. It’s small but it’s cute
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I think you got what you deserved with that one, Annabel. I always think that women saying they want a massive penis mustn’t have a very snug vagina…
It’s also weird when guys want to claim theirs is 12 inches or whatever – my vagina isn’t that long so it would be quite a waste!! Try a mare.
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bahahahahah! love it.
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Curious to know how teenagers must feel about this (as in, those who have only just lost their virginity).
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Alleycat I didn’t say I wanted a massive penis. I simply said a small penis is a deal breaker. An average one is ok. This does not mean I have a large vagina. I just feel sorry for a guy with a teeny tiny one and maybe it’s the pity itself that is the turn off for me. I know most guys will little ones feel inadequate. Have discussed this on the occasion with girl friends and they always agree. Do we all have big vaginas? I had my baby by c section by the way
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Alleycat??
I think you’ve missed the whole point Annabel.
And I’m insulted on behalf of women who have had a natural birth – they don’t necessarily have big vaginas either.
You and your friends carry on making fun of men’s penises. But please keep it to yourselves – the amount of times I’ve witnessed women saying offensive things about the subject in front of men whom they have no idea of the size of their penis is really disturbing.
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If you’re a Gemini (the two ex-fiancés were both Gemini’s)…
If you can’t put up with my need to spontaneously sing (I know I have a crappy voice but I enjoy it)…
If your verbal grammar and proNUNciation is below a third grade level (your parents sent you to school for a reason)…
If you’re skinnier than me (don’t even ask me to explain this – I just don’t like guys being thinner than me)…
If you don’t have a job…
If you’re in anyway rude or intolerant towards ANYONE for race / sexuality / gender / age / religion / etc. We are all equal and deserve to be treated as such.
If you’re dismissive of, or rude to, customer service staff (they are people too)…
If you don’t know how to cook (just because I am a good cook doesn’t mean I want to cook all the time).
If you don’t like my best friend (she’s been around longer than you and she’ll be around a lot longer than you if you try to compete or come between us)…
If you aren’t VERY family orientated (there are over 200 of us in Australia. We all know and love each other very much. If you can’t understand that, you’re not going to be a part of my family in any way)…
If you don’t like animals.
If you have a weak stomach.
If you’re insecure, jealous or possessive (I can guarantee you – I will NOT cheat on you. I’ll just dump you if I want to sleep with someone else)…
If you’re scared of grasshoppers (I’m terrified of them and need someone ELSE to get rid of them)…
Oh yeah – and if you expect me to wax every month (I’ll trim but there’s no way in hell am I going through that much pain for a non-medical reason)…
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Oh god, if I were a man I wouldn’t even bother going here…
Sometimes lists say more about you than anyone else!
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interesting.
hadn’t thought of it like that
i thought it kinda meant u had learnt from previous relationships and/or had high standards and/or self respect
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hehe about the cooking one! BUT i don’t mind if they can’t cook. As long as they can take me out for dinner at a restaurant better than my cooking frequently!
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I once dumped a guy who knew I volunteered for the AIDS Action Council but told me all gays should be shot. Ignorant loser.
If I met a guy who defended the Johns brothers re their off field antics I’d have to let him go too.
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I’m with you on the don’t date a guy who is mean to his mum. My husband is an all round great guy (and is nice to his mum). His brother is horrible to his mum and now speaks to his new wife the same way. If I were his mother or wife, I would give him a smack across the back of the head!!
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It is all about using the word ” me ” instead of my for ownership….eg, ” Have you seen me thongs ??? ”
Ugggg….thongs !!!!
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Ugg Thongs? I thought they were Ugg boots.
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Ugg Thongs are for when you have cold heels and ankles but really hot toes.
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that made me laugh out loud! thanks!
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Aww come on mate, that’s just true blue aussie slang!
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All my friends knew I used to have a strict no gingers policy. As a natural redhead myself the chances of us having an all ginger family are high! Anyway turns out one got through my rule, and he is great. No kids so far so I’ll just be crossing my fingers when the time comes
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Arthur and Molly Weasley?
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Why don’t you want ginger-haired kids? I think they are GORGEOUS but sadly changes of me ever having any are 1 in a kazillion.
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I have dark hair, dark eyes and olive skin. My husband has dark hair, fair eyes and fair skin. My first son was born with ginger hair – a complete surprise to both of us!
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As a ‘ginger’ myself (I prefer redhead, but whatever
my basic understanding of genetics lead me to believe that it was a certainty that two redheads would produce redheaded children as it’s a recessive gene. I may be wrong. Besides, I was an adorable child – I;m sure you were too.
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Damn I love red heads. The men are great! Sexy
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Deal Breaker = men with long hair especially if it is then in a pony tail.
Exception applies to Dave Grohl only.
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Dave Grohl could have hair down to his ankles and still be incredibly sexy. Okay, maybe not THAT long, but I would never say no to Dave Grohl!
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Me either. Mmmmm yummy.
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I must say, I didn’t look twice at men with long hair before meeting my partner. But on the right guy, it can be incredibly sexy!
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Personally, I’m an Eddie Vedder fan, but I would never turn Dave down.
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The big deal breaker for me = it’s not on if he doesn’t like Harry Potter.
Jokes. Except not really. He doesn’t have to love Harry as much as I do, but considering how much I love Harry, it just wouldn’t work out if he doesn’t like Harry at all.
Obviously, this is just a bit of fun and I have far bigger deal breakers, but my friends have often said my kids will grow up thinking they’re going to Hogwarts, so I need a man in line with that haha
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Nat, what do you call a deer with no eyes or no legs? Still no – eye-deer – gettit?
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Anonymous, you are a woman/man/someone after my own heart!
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What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?
Doyouthinkhesaurus?
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What do you call blind dinosaur’s dog?
Doyouthinkhesaurus Rex
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What do you call a deer with eyes, no legs, and no genitals? Still-no-f**king-eye-deer!
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BO is mine, not even just for guys(dating) but anyone that could be a possible friend, boy or girl or undecided…ewwww
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In my last ten or so years of dating, my one rule I’d never break was no smokers. Ruled out without a second thought.
Then I met my current man. We started very casual, so I didn’t think much of it. But it’s become serious. I still can’t stand it, but I don’t like to think of myself as the type of girl who’d try to change a guy, so I’ve never said anything. I’d be scared that if I put the pressure on him, he’d just feel like he had to hide it from me.
Others include:
- no desire to learn more about the world
- no drive to push themselves in life
- bad relationships with family
- don’t want kids
- snorer
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If he’s great in all other aspects, buy him an electronic cigarette kit. I have one and haven’t touched the evil smokes since I figured out how to use it!
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Where do you get them from?
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If his trousers are too short
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This article is full of awesomeness
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1. You would prefer to spend your day smoking pot rather than getting a job.
2. You have the nerve to comment negatively on womens bodies even though you couldnt be further from an adonis yourself.
3. You are deeply dependent on your parents even though you are well into your 20s.
Arrogance and homophobes drive me nuts as well.
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That sounds exactly like my sister’s ex husband (although he’s now in his 40s). Still dependent on his mother for money, lost his job because he refused to stop smoking pot even though he knew his work was starting drug testing. He’s a grown man who still has no idea how to manage his own finances at even a basic level. Unbelievable.
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Oh dear, in his forties and STILL smoking pot and borrowing money from mum? im glad he is your sisters ex, cos its going to take a miracle for him to change. My ex was exactly like that so i speak from a deep and frustrating knowledge.
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My ex was all of those! I’m so happy that the word EX is in that sentence
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Yep, with hindsight im glad i went through this relationship because at least i know exactly what i dont want!
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Guys who leave the toilet seat up… In my eyes its just plain rude.
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I think that it’s rude to leave the lid up, and even when I put a notice on the wall women left the lid up.
Then I realised I’d put it on the wrong wall.
So I moved it, and guess what? Women still leave the lid up.
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Thanks for your comment shane. Cant say i’ve ever had a guy ask to have the lid put down for them. Learn something new every day
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I’m a dude so – A girl that smokes, farts or swears excessively. Also fat & lazy and complain about their body but not willing to work at it or exert self control in the diet department. Oh yeah, an excessively hairy muff is a deal breaker too
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Do you wax/ shave your man bits too? Just curious because I have met men who don’t like their women hair-free, but scoff at the idea of doing it themselves.
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Mish – the answer is yes, equal opportunist here. Lets just say the garden is kept neat & tidy. No waxing but a good manscape every few weeks keeps everything right.
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