by NITA GREEN
“It’s the most important day of your life“.
In the lead up to my wedding day I have heard this phrase thrown around many times. Yes, getting married is a big deal.
But it’s not the biggest, is it? I haven’t been married yet, and maybe after THE BIG DAY my opinion will change but I’m pretty convinced there have been and will be more significant days in my life.
So I made a list…
1. The day I got my HSC results and I realised, “Hey maybe I am smart, my Mum was totally on the money”. I also figured out that hard work really does pay off and if I put my mind to something I really can achieve it.
It was a defining moment for me and it changed the way I saw myself and my ability to achieve really difficult, lofty goals. There is nothing more powerful than self belief and even though it comes and goes it’s good to know that it’s there – lurking down below – ready to be relied on in moments of self-doubt.
2. The day my University Soccer team won against Sydney Uni at the Perth AUG’s. Greatest victory ever! Made even more spectacular because we had lost our coach to a pre-tournament accident and we lost one of our major playmakers the day before to an on field head-clash AND it was against our arch rivals those snooty Sydney Uni girls. (They were probably really nice girls we just made out as if they were horrible, I think it made it more fun.)
Everyone came together and played out of their skin. As a team it was a great achievement and being able to do it with some of my best friends was even better. Individually, losing a player so late also meant that I had to play a whole game which I hadn’t done all tournament. I had never run so hard in my life, and it showed. But I never wanted to win something so bad before. I played my part and as a team we bloody smashed em! Ok so it wasn’t the Olympics, but on that day we were the champs! And we celebrated like it too. I would, if I could, relive that day over and over again.
3. The day after the day my Dad died. All the arrangements had been made and all the things I needed to do were done so I locked myself away in my childhood bedroom and cried. Silently, by myself, constant and hard.
I let the pain finally overcome me and I let it all out. Then I got out a piece of paper and wrote his eulogy. It was perfect, precisely what I wanted to say, exactly how he should have been remembered and the words that everyone wanted to say but couldn’t. Raw, wistful and honest.
It’s the most beautiful thing I have ever written but I will never read it again. I have left that moment behind. You are never the same person again after you have lost someone who was such a big part of making you who you are, especially if like me you haven’t experienced anything like that before. You learn something horrible and painful about life in an instant, but you also learn so much about love. That it is all forgiving and goes on forever.
4. The day my best friend and I sat in a restaurant at lunch in front of a glass of wine after another of my failed relationships to a massive douche bag and I realised that a) she had been right all along b) I was worth more. I swiftly let the panic of the break-up leave my body and I was filled with relief, relaxation and actual joy that I had dodged that bullet.
I express posted him his stuff and expressly got on with my life. The wine went down a lot better after that and I never looked back. It was a turning point and I am so thankful I had someone there to guide me through it. It was just what I needed to be able to be in a place, emotionally and physically, to meet my future husband. Speaking of which…
5. The day I met my fiance Jonathan, my life changed forever. Even if we never got married, meeting your “soul mate” (I hate that word) and falling instantly in love is a pretty huge day by all accounts. It’s life changing in so many ways.
You know you’ll never be alone again and yet you feel this deep sense of responsibility to another person. It’s a very exciting time and you feel slightly embarrassed because all that love stuff that you had garbaged for ages was actually legitimate and totally worth the wait.
There are so many more……..
- the first day I read Shakespeare,
- my 21st Birthday which I spent in the Louvre,
- the first day I landed in an overseas country (Vietnam for the record) and I became so small in a very big world
…..and probably some days I didn’t know were important at the time, but in the future I’ll look back and realise how deeply significant they were.
Will my wedding be the most important day of my life? I think it will be one of the most important, definitely the most expensive (until I buy a house), and one of those days I wish had lasted just a little longer and wish I could return to for just a little while.
But this notion that your wedding day is the sole defining moment of a life, full of ups, downs, achievements and set-backs, is pretty far-fetched. I haven’t had children yet but I imagine that’s up there, and I haven’t had my greatest achievements yet – hopefully they are still to come.
This post was originally published on Nita’s blog http://bridalanxiety.com/
Nita Green is a writer, blogger, law student and bride-to-be. She writes an anti-bridal blog about what it is really like to be a bride on the edge http://bridalanxiety.com/ You can see if she makes it down the aisle by following @bridalanxiety