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It’s a fairly obvious indication when my husband is still sitting next to me on the couch at 11pm, battling to keep his eyes open, that he’s after more than a whiff of eau de Wife and an unhealthy dose of reality TV.
He’s doing what I like to refer to as ‘The Hang’. You know it right? That thing the guy does when he wants sex. He knows if he goes to bed before you, it’s all over, there will be none of ‘the sex’ that night. Yet, if he waits around, possibly endures a couple of hours of crap television, a seemingly endless telephone conversation with one of your girlfriends and a bit of faffing around on the internet, there is a good chance you’ll be guilted into rewarding him with a bit of nookie at bedtime.
From what I understand, I think this situation, or some kind of variation, is fairly standard. But what if it didn’t have to be this way? What if there was a more organised system to marital sex? Do you think you’d be interested? What if it involved beads? Wait, let me explain…
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Carolyn Evans has written an interactive book called Forty Beads; The Simple, Sexy Secret for Transforming Your Marriage. My initial reaction? A) Why, when the topic of “Sex, Beads and Marital Sex” came up did the good folk here at Mamamia immediately think of me? and B) I had no B, I was still stuck at A. But then I read a story on Jezebel.com about the forty beads concept:
“Carolyn Evans’ book Forty Beads; The Simple, Sexy Secret for Transforming Your Marriage proposes that married couples save (or merely improve) their relationships by using a token system. According to Evans’ method, the man is given 40 beads which he distributes, one bead at a time, to his wife. Each bead means he’s in the mood, and the wife has 24 hours to respond with sex.” Check it out:
Oh the pressure! I think I’d rather the surprise attack method. Or at very least, much less anticipation. Imagine being at work, mindlessly photocopying and suddenly remembering, Jesus, that’s right, I’ve got to give Malcolm a root tonight, he put a bead in the bead catcher this morning.
My other problem with this is, is it really a good thing to take the basic communication out of sex? Don’t we deserve, at the very least, to have a load of washing put on in an attempt to win us over? I mean, my husband already knows he’s in seven shades of shit without so much a raised head out of my Sunday paper, if we stop talking about sex, we may stop communicating altogether.
And why is this a system designed exclusively for the male to deign when he would like to have sex? Apparently the female can present a ‘nudge card’ that basically suggests, ‘Hey, I need you to put a bead in the bead catcher, a girl has needs too you know.’ This whole system, according to Carolyn Evans, encourages play and will ‘reignite the spark in the marriage.’
Hmm, my prediction? After having killed off all spontaneity, those beads would start to be eyed off in an inappropriate way. Oh, I also predict Google is about to bring a whole bunch of surprised new visitors here today looking for a very ‘different’ bead story.
So. Beads. Good idea? Bad idea? Better ideas?
Comments
158 Comments so far
I hate to be crass, but unless they are anal beads – she’s crazy.
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For Christ’s sake. If it comes to this, fellas, time to get on the bus, Gus. Hookers are cheaper and are prepared to do more.
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Beeds are fun, I’ve done it! The first time I tried them on a lover (who never got laid by his wife) I pulled them out too fast! We laughed and still to this day talk about it. Live a little try something NEW!!!
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Seriously help your husbands out… sleep with the poor guys!! Women are getting VERY obnoxious…. all we do is complain, complain, complain… but Im tired, I have kids, I have work… suck it up already!!! Is it really that horrible to give the man in your life some pleasure and keep the house hold together?! If they dont get it at home they WILL get it somewhere else… and really if you are starving the poor guy…HE SHOULD!
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Nice try pretending to be a woman, but your comment is sooo obviously written by a man lol!
Also, despite what you, as a male, believe, it’s not always the women that are holding out. I have a much higher sex drive than my boyfriend, and would love to have more sex! But, regardless of that, you try getting up at 5:30am every morning because your baby never sleeps in, getting the kids breakfast, dressed for school and their lunches made, drop them at school, go home and look after an infant AND do the housework, go grocery shopping and run errands, plus make dinner that night for the family… Do you really think you would ever feel like sex??! My guess is no.
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I’ve recently started a new relationship with a man, and we both feel as though we have found ‘the one’. Our sex life is amazing with one big problem – I am getting recurring urinary tract infections that are driving me crazy. I have had three in as many months, which have had to be remedied with a full course of antibiotics each time. I am fortunate that he loves me enough to try any solution, and will stay with me even if sex is no longer an option. If that was the only outcome, I would be crushed! Has anyone else had this problem? Advice would be great!!
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Always pee straight after sex, using as much pressure as you can, to push out anything that may have entered the tract during sex, and eat lots of fresh fruits and vegetables to keep your vitamin levels up. Of course, drink cranberry juice too.
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Make very sure he’s not brushing against the “sewer” before he enters the “playground”. Just that little trace of contaminant can cause irritation.
If you’re on antibiotics, make sure you use another form of contraception too.
Enjoy, good luck and I hope it all settles down.
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Recurrent UTIs should be checked out by your GP to rule out other causes, especially if you don’t see the same doctor each time – they may be unaware that you’ve had three in three months! Kidney stones don’t always cause the pain they’re known for, depending on where they’re sitting, and they can cause recurring infection.
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When I was a young child I used to get recurring urinary tract infections (obviously not from too much sex back in those days!!). I’m also suseptible to them as an adult but I don’t get them nearly as often these days. Anyway I consider myself a bit of an expert: go out and buy ural and cranberry tablets. When you start to feel the earliest symptoms such as a slight stinging when you pee or peeing too often, take a glass of ural along with a couple of cranberry tablets (or juice would be even better)! I find that this tends to prevent it going into a full-blown infection where I have to get anti-biotics. I hope this helps and good luck with your new relationship!!
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Thanks everyone
Great advice, as always with Mamamia!
I am doing the cranberry and urinary tract support tablets, as well as Ural, washing before we sleep together, peeing afterwards, drinking plenty of water to keep flushing everything through, and I have even traded my fancy knickers in for plain old Bonds. I have had the testing for all stds, as has he, just in case that was a factor, but all clear.
I have been going to the one doctor, but I will be seeking a referral to someone (not sure who? Maybe a gyno?) if I find it happening again. I didn’t realise kidney stones could be a possibility, so I will look into that.
Thanks again for all of the good ideas and support!! xo
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Ok i had this as well but the problem was they never really cleared up in full. Turns out a dodgy doc who gave the wrong medication for my first UTI created a superinfection that basically destroyed the healthy lining of my bladder. It was a really debilitating time as I thought I’d developed incontinence and felt so dirty. A referral to a Urologist, and trialling a cocktail of antibiotics for over a 6 month period finally brought the issue under control. The Urologist told me that this is becoming more and more common in young women, exascerbated by busy lives, bad prescriptions, and in my case severe stress from my job.
Get your referral ASAP for the Urologist – and get it resolved! Being unwell and then on antibiotics for as long as I was really had a massive impact on my life and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone!
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“He knows if he goes to bed before you, it’s all over, there will be none of ‘the sex’ that night. Yet, if he waits around, possibly endures a couple of hours of crap television, a seemingly endless telephone conversation with one of your girlfriends and a bit of faffing around on the internet, there is a good chance you’ll be guilted into rewarding him with a bit of nookie at bedtime.”
This is one of the most depressing things I’ve ever read. Can you not just say, “darling, i’m not feeling sexy tonight”? Do you REALLY have sex out of guilt? What happened to desire and passion? You are 50% responsible for its absence.
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Late to read this, but I have a feeling you will get MY take on this, Bern. This idea SUCKS. It is 5 thousand shades of suck. And most certainly not suck-y in any way that a potential (though possibly much less enthusiastic now) partner might hope it is.
Sex as a part of a barter system *might* be used in relationships subconsciously (or, let’s face it, quite purposely), but to create a “system” for it is ludicrous. Unless you’re keen for divorce. Then get to it, I say!
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How bizarre! Taking the spontaneity out of it doesn’t sound like much fun, even if it is a sure thing for him.
Also – I’m not sure if it says in the video but – how long are the 40 beads meant to last – 40 for the month? for the year? …
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“Jesus, that’s right, I’ve got to give Malcolm a root tonight, he put a bead in the bead catcher this morning.” – Thank you Bern, you really made me laugh out loud
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So, sex beads. Hmmmm. Certainly not what I was imagining. It seems a bit unequal to me. I accept that men can have a stronger libido than women but this is not always the case. Should there be a reverse style system for the missus who wants a “special cuddle”??
I can only imagine my husbands reaction if I suggested this, he’d piss himself laughing. Now, my husband will definitely make it onto the list of amazing communicators but when he’s feeling randy he definitely makes it well known.
I can’t help wondering what would happen to communication in the relationship (as well as the bedroom) if we relied on bead system???
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I think a post on male/female libido is in order by the looks of these comments.
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Sure! Bring on the 40 beads! As long as I also get 40 to use whenever I want my husband to spruce up the house, bang dinner on and get the kids out of my hair for an entire afternoon. Within 24 hours, of course.
Oh wait, he already does that without me asking. And I … y’know … do *that* without him asking.
How terribly boring of us
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My husband complained that we weren’t having sex as frequently as he would like. I pointed out that the various factors in our lives meant we didn’t have a lot of time together and ‘Hi babe, how was your day, can we have sex?’ didn’t exactly do it for me all the time. He promised to try to take more care in romancing me, I promised to be more open to his spontaneous advances. We had a discussion, like the grown-ups we are (most of the time). We’re still having discussions. I thought that’s part and parcel of being married?
If this bartering system works for you, good luck to you but to me, it sounds like a childish solution to what is probably a bigger problem.
Side note: why does this woman think my husband is entitled to sex whenever he feels like it? I am not Jeannie, I don’t have to respond to every request with a perky ‘Yes Master!’
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A friend told me in Korea they use wooden ducks in a similar way. The couple have two ducks which sit together somewhere. If one of the couple is interested in having sex they turn their duck inwards to face the other duck. The other partner can then choose to turn their duck inwards – indicating a green light for sex – or keep it facing away from the other duck – which means “not tonight”. A great idea for couples who don’t want to broach the subject head on, but in my house I’m sure the kids would keep playing with them so we’d never know who wanted sex and when!
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Oh man, that’s hilarious! Imagine what mayhem the kids could cause by playing with the ducks!
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What happens if the woman doesn’t respond within 24 hours?
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The wife is sent to her room without any supper?
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beads are just a cheap dirty easy way for men to get sex. there’s no effort put in! maybe she likes her life compartmentalised and organised like that but as busy as i am with kids work and house, i prefer sex with my husband to come with conversation/dinner/hanging out/mental or emotional connection! is she VERY busy or just lazy? (and yes, i’ve been up since 5 with babies after servicing my hubby last night, yawn
)
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Argh!! I hate the word sex, it sounds so cold and medicinal, I think without even realising it the word sex for most people is a turn off…’lets have some sex tonight’… my way of thinking is ‘lets make some love tonight’…..it works for my husband without fail everytime…….it just has such a more respectful, loving ring to it…don’t really have an opinion on the whole bead thing, I mean whatever works, I do agree that intimacy is extremely important within the relationship, it’s in our human genetics….we have 4 young children and both work, but all my husband has to say is ‘lets make some loving tonight’ ….I’m sold! xox
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So … that would be 40 beads on your wedding day? To last the lifetime together? Might make him think about whether he really wants it or whether there’s just no sport on TV ….
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Haha – there’s an old joke (?) like that –
Newlyweds have a glass jar sitting by the bed, and every time they make love in their first year of marriage, a penny goes into the jar. Following the first year, a penny is taken out of the jar whenever they make love.
The jar will never be emptied.
ha
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The only way those 40 beads are improving your sex life is if they’re strung together in a necklace, teamed with a pretty dress and worn to a romantic restaurant with your partner.
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When I first met my ex, I LOVED sex. I couldn’t imagine how it would ever become a chore. Fast forward 2 kids and 11 years later, I hated it.
In the early days, when my husband was horny I felt empowered – he was turned on by me, and that made me horny. Then somewhere along the way I started feeling that he was just horny and I had nothing to do with it. This was around the time I realised he looked at porn and he started criticising the way I looked etc. Then sex just felt like a big lie – his behaviour towards me outside the bedroom wasn’t consistent with him loving me and feeling attracted to me and so my heart was no longer in it.
My husband could never understand when I tried to explain to him that I felt it very hard to go from showing no affection outside the bedroom (no hugging/snuggling/kissing) to being expected to have sex. I didn’t want him to do housework, I just wanted him to show me affection at times that weren’t 30 seconds before he wanted sex. I started only having sex out of a feeling of obligation and to keep the peace. Sometimes I would lie in bed afterwards with silent tears running down my face because I felt so empty.
Obviously we had deeper issues, and that is why he is now my ex. But I don’t think beads would have helped
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I think you’re right. I hope you’re in a better place now.
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It is extremely common for women to have a low libido, including women who previously had a high one. Im happy for people whos libidos match their partners, but I dont agree that people who like to have sex are better than people who dont – and thats a message that comes through in many posts.
Low libido is so common that maybe we should consider it as perfectly normal? – much like different levels of intelligence, and different body shapes are all normal. Instead we treat people at the lower end of the libido scale as disfunctional, and the comments here depict the guilt women feel for being like this. I also see comments suggesting the frustration men feel when their partners have a lower sex drive than them, is the womans fault, and that women honouring their lack of desire by saying ‘No’ is seen as manipulative, selfish etc.
It makes me really sad that women have sex just to keep the peace in their relationship, as if our bodies arnt really our own to control, and having a low libido is something to be ashamed of. This says something really awful about the way womens sexuality, in all its diversity, is defined and evaluated in our society.
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I regularly feel guilty about my lack of libido and worry that I’m constantly rejecting my husband. In my case, I tore badly during a traumatic labour and can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been able to have sex without pain in the last 18 mnths. I’ve lost all confidence that I can enjoy it now. I think the bead idea is a bit too scheduled and would add pressure to the situation but I would love to see a post on the truth about sex after childbirth and how to work through this.
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I was in pain!!! Not for as long as you though. But it took for me to accept the pain and work past it to get through that part of it. I would suggest possibly discussing the pain with your GP, seems you might need some treatment, wether it’s physical or psychological, to get past it!
As for the libido, I’m not sure what that is anymore. After a day of looking after a toddler and the house, and possibly even having been at work I am in no mood to please yet another individual. However, if I sleep on it, it often becomes easier (i.e. morning sex). However, sex remains a chore. I think the last time I really enjoyed myself was when we concieved our girl 2½ years ago. Hopefully in time it’ll become less of a chore and more of a pleasure…
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Thanks dk mum. My gp has referred me to a gyno to see if it’s anything that can be fixed, I agree that the tiredness that comes with toddlers is all part of it too
all the best x
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I had a similar problem after a bad tear. I definitely agree with dkmum that you should see your doctor, who might refer you to a gyno (this is what happened to me and I’m happy to report that for me it was very easily fixed and i have no more pain).. Good luck, sex shouldn’t be painful!
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Thanks Alison, im seeing my gyno soon as my gp thinks there is a procedure that could help, I really hope so, I just have to get past it in my mind too I guess. I’m really glad that things have improved for you x
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What’s the significance of 40??
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Watching this video I could almost believed it to be a joke or parody – did she really say it is a total marriage transformation method!?
Give me open communication any day, rather than a limited supply of beads that look like jaffas and mean I have 24 hours to follow instruction…
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how do you improve your libido? Im young and just have little desire.
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Eat a diet rich in magnesium and zinc. Or take both as supplements.
Engage in activities that require your involvement sensually and give you an awareness of the capability of your body eg pole dancing or pilates.
Libido is like a switch. Try and turn it on a little each day by thinking about sensual or sexual thoughts. Eventually this will become habit and you find your thoughts drifting towards those lines on their own.
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Ugh. it wont let me edit or add.
I wanted to add that I am certainly no expert but this is what I have advised friends in the past and it has certainly worked for them.
Plus zinc and magnesium are both necessary for healthy sex drive.
Hope this helps in some way x
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It must be pretty crappy being a guy who practically has to beg for sex when you’re married. You can’t get any no matter how good-a-guy you are and you can’t sleep around.
I’ve always been a big believer in if you don’t massage your partner’s feet, don’t complain when they hire a masseuse.
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really?!
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Yes, a nice foot massage really hits the spot
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Bern, you are hilarious, and I think I love you just a little bit. Not in a dropping-a-bead kinda way though
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I love this article so much, my partner and I have been laughing over it (and all the comments). the whole bead concept (google suggested sex beads included) cracks me up. We decided if we were to try the bead idea, we would need 20 each, and if the other one did not ‘put out’ within 24 hrs, well, then they will have to wear them.
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I would throw all 40 beads at my wife in the first hour, and she still wouldnt look away from her drama shows, or lose the flanalette pjs and fluffy elephant slippers. What then? Try Jaffas for additional impact?
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lol…..
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Maybe Maltesers… lol
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Hahaha…..you may need to accidentally unplug the TV antenna while simultaneously throwing the PJ’s in the garbage…but visit the lingerie shop first oh any maybe the box of Jaffas may help as an appetiser
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I can never understand why women don’t enjoy sex as much as men. Or they expect washing or meals to be done in order to engage in sex. I don’t get it – I love sex! I love my boyfriend and I love having sex with him. The bead idea is plain ridiculous.
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Come back to me when you’re married with 3 kids under 5……I used to love sex with my boyfriend too….
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Well, I expect a reasonable amount of housework to be done by my partner, but I don’t feel that it’s directly related to sex. That’s just about us treating each other with respect, and trying to maintain a semi-decent standard of cleanliness.
Having said that, I can see that if the man (or woman) does nothing around the house (which is certainly the case for some couples I know, but I’d say the majority of people I know share the housework), the woman then feels disrespected, de-valued, unloved, as well as extra tired and in a general bad mood (cleaning will do that to you).
So I’m not sure the guy doing some cleaning really equal the woman being more ready for sex… it’s more that not cleaning equals disrespect, and that’s no way to get someone in the mood.
(Slightly off topic – but I think a fair way to organise house work especially when one person is at home with kids is to look at it in terms of how much of a break each partner gets each day, rather than how much work they do (as that is harder to quantify). So if the guy has a job where he has long lunches, spends lots of time on facebook etc. and the mum is at home cleaning poos and managing tantrums in the doctor’s office, then it would be reasonable to expect the guy to do quite a bit at home in terms of housework and caring for the kids. Everyone needs a break sometimes. Likewise, if one person is in a very high pressure job, it would be reasonable to ensure they get a chance to chill out at home.)
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In my house I do as much as possible during the day, then at night we both push through until the kids are in bed and we can relax together.
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I with AB we have 4 kids, at one stage 4 under 5, and I am always up for love making with my husband.
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women DO enjoy sex as much as men. but as everyone has said, if you’re knackered after looking after a couple of kids, working and do the majority of the housework, do you really think we feel like dishing it out on call?? that’s where a bit of wooing comes in. and we don’t want to swap sex for housework but when a man eases our load it makes us feel mighty fine, lol! or at least it gives a chance to breathe and develop “mighty fine” feelings…most women can’t put mental barriers between sex and love/romance so if those feelings aren’t being fostered, then no sex for hubby. and we choose the pillow!!
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unfortunately, for me at least, what i do around the house to help has no impact on her desire, or interest in sex. I am the romantic, she is not. I am affectionate, she is not. I enjoy togetherness, she enjoys her own space. Im happy to help around the house etc, but I cant pretend that it has any impact on her desire for me or for sex. It clearly does not.
My wife gets what she wants which is to be able to stay home and do her own thing, paid for by me, but she thinks its unreasonable of me to want sex, and unfair if i ask her, and thinks she should only make love if in the mood, rather than partner with me on creating the mood. So about 4 times per year she finds herself in the mood. Then, and only then do we have sex. Its so frustrating to be treated by her exactly the way she would hate to be treated by me.
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I do see some merit in it- for those where sex is a faded memory. My mum and dad had alot of fights over lack of sex. It was a big marriage breaker for my dad.
And my next door neighbour hasn’t had sex in 20 years with her husband. He solved that issue by having another partner in another city and when he died my neighbour found out about the other partner and twin daughters 20 years old.
That what happens when you don’t have sex you go from partners and lovers to flat mates.
I personally find sex to be another job to do. One I do how ever and mostly enjoy( although sometimes after a day of demands and busy and stress I have to turn the lights off so he can’t see me grimacing- Sad I know).
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Hmm.. I love sex. It’s never used as a reward. My boyfriend is over the moon that my libido is just as big as his! (since stopping the pill I’m hornier than a rabbit these days)
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I’d be more likely to want some sex if I got a home cooked meal or a basket of folded laundry instead of a bead!
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Ha!!! So true!!
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“Each bead means he’s in the mood, and the wife has 24 hours to respond with sex.”
So her mood is completely irrelevant?
I’m sure it would transform my marriage, from one where I’m treated like an equal partner to one where I’m treated like a hooker. I can’t imagine either of us being happy with that dynamic.
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i just read that alot of couples only have sex 1-2 times a month
when my wife started down the road to becoming an alkie going out on fridays til closing time
‘sleeping most of sat and sewing on sunday so when she got mad about something enough to move out i solved the problem and divorced her.
i have read that females have also divorced for a lack of sex
each side should get 20 to start with and when theyre done start over
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My guess is that most blokes would be handing out beads at the drop of a hat. Don’t like the bead concept sounds to obligatory. Give me spontaneity any day and if he stays up to all hours waiting I think he’s more deserving of it . Reward him for perseverance I say.
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I’ve found recently that you don’t have to want to have sex as much as you want to have a happy loving partnership.
The simple truth in our house is that we love each other soooo much we want to do whatever it takes to make each other happy. Making love to me makes my husband very very happy. Making him happy makes me happy. It’s a completely mutual agreement – we work better as a couple when we have regular sex. And by regular I don’t mean he is some once-a-day demander – once a week is pretty much enough.
It’s not rocket science – and nor should it be an art and craft lesson!
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obviously in the early stages of your relationship…
i remember that feeling………..
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Aaaactually….gh is not going to be popular with this response as it sounds so paternalistic but I remember that too!!! “It makes him happy and I love him so i’m happy to please him”. I remember that. With a lot of cringing and hard feelings. I remember bargaining, after this period ended: “sex is important to you, romance is important to me so let’s trade!” didn’t work either. Cringe….
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Once a week? In the early stages? I don’t think that’s a lot!
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No GH we are 15 years together and 3 kids….not at all in the early stages of our relationship. We’ve had plenty of hard times, quite a few ‘droughts’ too – most notably after I gave birth to twins and didn’t know night from day for about 2 years.
All I was trying to say was that we have of late rediscovered the purpose of the sexual side of our relationship. It brings us together in a way that nothing else can, and if I gave the impression that the give was all on my side and the take was all on his, then nothing could be further from the truth.
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awesome post! Great to hear there are some women out there with a sense of wellbeing that allows them to be active partners in their relationship!! Kudos to you.
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My husband just called from work and uttered the following:
“Be ready”…….
…..makes those beads look almost romantic really……sigh…..
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If I wanted to spice up my sex life with beads, I’d buy the ones google suggests…
Carolyn Evans struck on the beads idea following, according to interviews, years of therapy. She was giving her husband 40 beads to use in a year for is 40th.
For her, a lagging libido is obviously a long term issue. I suspect she wrote the book so she could go on a book tour and avoid having sex with her husband for a while
Seriously though, this makes sex an obligation. I don’t want to give or receive obligation sex.
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It wouldn’t really work in our household because one of my children is likely to:
(a) eat a bead (so I wouldn’t get the message, inadvertently fail to comply and then presumably derail the whole “system”); or
(b) choke on a bead and then I’d have to tearfully explain the incident to a paramedic.
I prefer it when he just takes out the rubbish, it’s much safer for everyone. Another hilarious article Bern.
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Hilarious comment!!
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I can hear you on the phone to 000!
Duckformation “My son swallowed one of my sex beads!”
000 “what, the kind you stick up your bum?”
Hilarious!
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AHhaahha…bloody hillarious and so true in our house too!
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Bollocks to that idea. Its just (yet) another way of making sex into an obligation.
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BAHAHAH! Oh I Love your writing, I laughed out loud several times. “give Malcolm a root that night’ bahahah
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So funny … I could see my husband walking around with a snaplock bag full of his beads… Everytime I moved he would be diving into his bag and handing me another one…
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The whole thing is sexist bullshit.
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How about diamonds? Much more likely to put me in the mood than tackly old beads…
Pretty sad concept though. Some people must have shitty lives.
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I just dont get these posts and I am pretty fed up with the underlying theme on this site regarding men always wanting and women always doing anything to avoid it.
I find it pretty sad. I am stoked to have sex every day (more than once). My partner is stoked that I love having sex with him. Yes, we have kids, yes we both work, yes we both have a lot on our plates. But why are any of those things excuses?
I love my partner and I look forward to getting naked with him. There is never a feeling of obligation – dont get me started on that whole reward thing, that just makes my blood boil – just a mutual love and enjoyment. And I wouldn’t want it any other way.
So how about some posts that are geared towards the many women (because of a huge group of friends I only know of one who does not feel like me) who actually LIKE SEX!
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Fair comment. I wrote this humously but to be honest, my husband does OK and yes, most of the time, we have sex because we both REALLY want to. Doesn’t mean it hasn’t been a bit of chore and mundane during parts of our life. I agree though, a post about mutual enjoyment of sex would be good.
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I’m really envious. I so wish it was that way with my partner. You’re very lucky and I’m sure your marriage is very healthy for it. Kudos to you.
Unfortunately, that’s not the case with many couples. It’s why Bettina Arndt is a best-selling author. My coupledom is practically textbook (Ardnt textbook that is). I would do just about anything to fix it (except buy a book called ‘Forty Beads’) — lack of libido is a really hard nut to crack.
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I agree to an extent, Chrissy.The idea that men are constantly begging for sex and that women only will sex with their husbands as a ‘reward’, duty or obligation is a frequent topic in the general media, not only on this site. I can’t relate to this at all, and I’m sure there are many other women like me who actually enjoy sex with their husbands.
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One bead at a time? Who’s kidding who. There’ll be 40 beads in that bowl all day every day.
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It’s highly possible that I would wake up with a bead taped to my nose, I would then find one in my sandwich at lunch and one of my chair at dinner time.
Great post Bern, laughed out loud at the all too familiar “hang”.
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Hilarious! Oh man, another bead in the change pocket of your purse.
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Love, Love, Love this post…..great suggestion and well written!
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Absolutely hilarious article Bern. I have little tears from laughing so much.
But as for the book. Pfft. Nuff said.
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Women hold out because they want good husband behavior?
How about having sex with your partner because you want to and enjoy being close to them rather than as some stupid reward or to encourage them? I think guys deserve more credit, I’m pretty sure most men are capable of doing things around the house and for their partner just because they want to.
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